//------------------------------//
// Epilogue: Coltson Bugle 
// Story: Home is Where Your Curse is 
// by SFaccountant 
//------------------------------//


COLTSON BUGLE



PRINCESS SPARKLE FREED; REBELS FOILED! EVIL PONIES STILL AT LARGE!


Great relief was experienced by all ponies of Equestria yesterday as news broke that Princess Twilight Sparkle, the famous student of Princess Celestia herself, was delivered into the protection of the Canterlot Royal Guard yesterday evening and is now finally secure from her enemies.
The Princess was reported to be in disastrous condition, with severe burns, bruises, and numerous fractures. Initial tests, however, have revealed that Twilight Sparkle is expected to make a full recovery. Although royal medics have spent some time going over her injuries, the journalists from the Coltson Bugle were unable to obtain an interview with any connected hospital staff to get details as to what were the precise nature of her injuries or what the likely causes were.
The official spokespony of the Royal Guard has confirmed that Twilight Sparkle is being transferred to Canterlot, and was unable to give further details other than the listed summary of her condition. A prepared statement makes clear that the Princess was recovered in the forest North of our very own Coltson, but does not explain the circumstances of her discovery or give details as to what has been learned over the course of the Guard’s continued lockdown and reconnaissance of the city. Concerns for operational secrecy were cited, suggesting that the mission has not ended despite Princess Twilight Sparkle’s return. Individual soldiers interviewed have been likewise tight-lipped, and unwilling to speak off the record.


What we know is this:
Three days ago, the city was shocked to find Princess Luna assaulted by a mysterious redheaded pegasus just outside of town. Surprisingly, the combat was inconclusive, and it halted when a third pony announced Twilight Sparkle’s capture by rebel forces. Your correspondent broke that story, identifying the rogue mare as Calamity.
That very same day, the local barber shop of Sharp Shear was destroyed by a sudden explosion. The proprietor was largely unharmed physically, but when questioned by authorities he gave rambling, impossible testimony of a changeling asking for a haircut – quite the unlikely event! – blowing up, and then escaping with a pony it had referred to as “Mom.” Authorities are treating the story with extreme skepticism, especially as witnesses claim that a redheaded pegasus(!) was sighted fleeing the scene.
The next day, Coltson was subjected to a sudden, unexpected lockdown by a contingent of the Royal Guard led by General Firebrand. Requests for interviews were denied at the time.
Within hours of the Guard deploying within the city, a skirmish broke out in the Feed Bag Café, a hip, fun restaurant that will fill up your belly without emptying your wallet! Try their 6-bit deli sandwiches all next week as part of their “Repair the Gaping Hole in our Restaurant” summer sale! (Paid sponsorship) The skirmish was inconclusive, with both the Royal Guard and the rebel agents retreating from the encounter. Waiters taking refuge from the combat identified the resisting ponies as Swan Song and Havoc, two evil henchponies working for the rebel mastermind Blood Rite.
Hours later, word got out that General Firebrand himself had been incapacitated and rushed to the local hospital. No details were provided by the Guard, but rumors ran wild; not only had the rebels somehow captured Princess Twilight Sparkle, but it was clear that they had also overcome Canterlot’s mightiest Sorcerer General.
Mid-afternoon, the Royal Guard had finished locking down Coltson, restricting all traffic in or out of the city and establishing martial law. It was then that the city was visited by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna themselves. Again, the press was given very limited access, and told only that the Princesses would be assisting the Royal Guard.
That evening, the Royal Guard spokespony delivered a statement that confirmed Princess Sparkle had been recovered. At the time, no further details were provided.
Yesterday morning, it was reported by Safe Space, head of the local wagon and supply lockup center, that her business had been broken into and one of the wagons had been stolen from her establishment. Strict privacy concerns prevents her from naming the wagon’s owner or providing further details on the stolen goods. This doesn’t really have anything to do with the other events mentioned here and isn’t equivalent in importance, but it is worth noting that such a brazen crime occurred while the Royal Guard supposedly had the city locked down and secure.
As of this printing, none of the bounties for Blood Rite or ANY of his associates have been rescinded. As far as the authorities are concerned, those ponies are still at large and as dangerous as ever.


With the facts presented as they are, it is this professional journalist’s speculation that Princess Twilight Sparkle fought her way free of the rebels on her own terms. Given the panic of the rebels when faced with a deluge of Canterlot soldiers and the damage that they must have suffered in fending off General Firebrand, it is entirely plausible that the Element of Magic found a weakness and exploited it, managing to get away from her captors but suffering severe harm in the process. The rebels, facing the prospect of an invasion from the Royal Guard headed by the Royal Sisters themselves, were forced to let their hostage go and focus on evading capture as the brave, noble ponies of the Equestrian military turned over every rock and shook every tree in search of them.
Whether or not our guess is correct, we can rest assured that, with the return of Princess Twilight Sparkle, the balance of power has tilted back in favor of our beloved royal order and away from the craven rebels. Yet Equestria cannot rest until these base thugs and each and every pony connected to them has been brought to justice. The search for the rebel warriors, however, seems to be missing an important element: to date, no official bounty has been put in place for the pegasus mare Calamity.
Given what we know, it seems only too obvious that the mare is yet another rebel agent. Were her battle against an Equestrian Princess not enough proof, the timing of her combat seemed calculated to allow her partners to swoop in and capture Princess Twilight Sparkle. It has also been noted that she bears an uncanny resemblance to the mysterious earth pony Havoc, to the point of having an identical cutie mark. A twin sibling, perhaps? A magic disguise? Or could it be something darker, such as a magical clone? With the enemy being an accomplished sorcerer, the possibilities are truly endless.
One thing is for certain, though: Calamity is a great danger to innocent ponies, and in all likelihood another cornerstone of Blood Rite’s plan to overthrow our sacred diarchy and spread anarchy across the land. This paper calls for the authorities to add this criminal to the public listing of approved bounties so that she may be captured and called upon to account for her actions against the state. Only once ALL these cruel, violent insurgents are brought to heel will Equestria ever be truly safe again.
This has been Brassy Bugle, signing off.