Chapter 11:
Alright, so quick recap. Shining disappeared, I followed. Simple. Except, I followed him into a most-majorly-movie evil-villain-I'm going-to-kill-you-when-you-turn-around kind of alley.
So yeah.
The alley was cramped, conspicuous in every sense, and held that all too familiar musk of trash. If you could reimagine your high school gym, and put all of what I'm seeing inside of it, then to the case of my metaphoric failure, it would be filled to the brim. And for some underrated and random reason, I had thought to believe that my feet were squelching against rain leftovers, but instead, I found out that it was instead dumpster liquid. Yes sir, that green icky slime that dumpsters leak when liquid trash seeps to the bottom. Next, the dumpster gets a hole, and idiots, such as I, walk into it and realize that we must burn everything.
But for me, my state of mind was fractured, and I was torn between cutting my foot off, or just burning the shoe. Cue me inhaling half of the menthol in a quick breath… Keeping both seems better for my health but bad for sanity. I guess it didn't help us, me, at all that the sun was constantly bearing down on this place, allowing the stench to actually rise to my nose. And I did crinkle it in dismay.
So I persevered and moved on. My goal was at hand, to find Shining. Otherwise I wouldn't be allowed back into the castle, and my poor ass would be speared on sight. Not that I didn't detest the factor of receiving a one way ticket out early, but I did like my ass.
My feet cautiously crept through the sticky situation, simultaneously swerving several stinky serpables, my sight, seeing Shining sneaking superbly. That is, until I scared the living bejeezus out of him.
I mean honestly, if he wanted to be sneakier, he could've used his magic and conjured up a illusion spell or something. That's what I would've done. (This isn't Skyrim though, so really, nobody cares at this point).
He'd been ducking from dumpster to dumpster, avoiding something that I was missing at the time. Apparently, it was some sort of “shadow” that had been tailing this shop owner, who'd just so happened to take out his trash, and gave Shining an open chance to view from afar.
Like I said, until I scared the bejeezus outta him.
“SHINING, THE TOAST IS INVADING!”
>>CLONK<<
“BUCK!! Out of all the-...” See what happened was, little Armour over here had found a little peeping hole, and had peeped his peeper into the hole of peeping, (not that peeper… fucking… bastards). Premise was that he clonked his noggin on a metal piece, which in turn made the most obvious, There's someone behind you, sound available.
Crazily enough, either the guy was deaf, or a bit dumb, but that orange dude didn't exactly take notice.
So yeah. Shining turned with a hoof clutching the boo-boo and a most dead face imaginable once he realized it was just me. We stared at each other for a minute, me with a half-lidded shit eating grin and he with a moreover… ‘I'm going to kill you slowly’ kind of look.
Its funny. That actually what he said after he hoofed me in my shin.
“What the buck's wrong with you?! You just…” He looked over the dumpster he had called a hiding spot and sighed with relief, “You almost cost me something important!”
Since he was all hush hush, and both of us were clutching something in pain, I realized a little of the severity in this issue and grunted softly, “Yeah well, punch me next time you're going somewhere without me. You're my ticket in and out of Celestia’s palace.”
Shining rolled his eyes and ushered for me to stay low, “Fine. Just… Shut up for a moment.”
Ass…
“What're you even doing out here anyway? Thought we were heading back to the castle.” I commented slowly, peering out beside Shining.
There was some stallion who indeed, was taking out his trash. His coat was a brilliant fiery orange, and mane was almost a pinkish hue. Almost. Now, Shining said with a stalwart tone, “We were. But…” He clicked his teeth, “... And this is a pretty big ‘but’…”
I had to hold in the snicker of childishness, and failed, allowing Shining to flick my nose in irritation, “Thought I saw something bad. And I'm thinking that bad is about to happen.”
I nodded once, “Riggghhttt… And that bad is?”
Shining clamped my mouth shut, and gestured to the stallion, who at the time we hadn't noticed at first, was freaking out over something. His eyes were wide in shock, and mouth agape in a simplistic horror. And from where we were, We only saw his shape go out of sight from our hole, and another shape emerge from the trash.
Almost started humming the ‘Star Wars’ theme. Keyword being almost because, one, Chewie and Han were nowhere in sight, and two, I was too scared to actually move my vocal cords to hum the tune. (C’mon, think about it)
We only got to see what this thing did. I use thing in such an italicized way in monument towards the unlying factor of how I didn't know what the hell to call it. Looked like a bug, but was a pony. Had a horn on top of its head, but had wings to call the shots of flying. As ponies had fur to keep their bosoms warm, the only thing this thing had on it, was a glossy sheet of chitin like armor.
Quite frankly, I saw something move earlier, but never commented on it because, what has blue eyes, and is about to rape a guy taking out garbage? Answer? This thing.
Its fangs, (yes fangs), glistened harshly in the afternoon lighting, and to my ever growing sense of unease, it had casted some spell in the direction of where the stallion had last been seen.
Poof. Literally. That's the only sound that we heard besides the stallions last scream of What are you, before it was abruptly cut off with a blast of green.. Now, I would've been freaking out, if I had thought that this would've been it. You know, a weird bugpony rises from the trash, (Probably sent by Satan), claims a soul, and then BACK TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL DOTH IT GO! But in a sense, yes, it did claim a soul. To our knowledge.
We couldn't go around taking guesses as to what is happening. But Shining and I were two seconds away from leaping over the pile of oddities. For now, though, we stayed put, fear put us in place because of the mercilessness the creature had just dealt, watching in raspy breaths as the bug casted another spell.
There was a blinding green light, and then nothing. But you can bet your ass, that both Shining and I both simultaneously shat our briches witnessing that act.
It changed.
No. Nononono. Listen. Hear that? Okay, write this down, THE BUG TOOK THE GUYS SHAPE.
Look, I can see magic, shrug it off and go about my day now, because magic is magic. You can't explain that crap without receiving an aneurysm twice. What I saw, wasn't magic. It was like, a first-person-Overwatch-kinda special ability.
The fucker was like Mystique off of X-men. Minus the overall bust and charismatic knuckle sandwich-to-face looks. We didn't, and weren't, looking at a creature anymore. Instead, it was the shop owner that had just been blasted off to Neverland. Second star to the unknown, straight on till nothing.
What made it even more ghastly, was the thing's change of attitude. With its magic, it picked up a bag of trash that the pony before him dropped, and placed it into a nearby bin, whistling as it did so.
Then, it simply opened the shop door, and closed it just as briefly.
Cue the freak out in three, two, one…
“Oh my god! Look at that mark on the ground!!”
Shining stumbled from the trash and waved his horn around, “I can't sense his trail Tick!”
I knelt down and flailed my arms, “Because the bitch got burnt!! Talk about a heated battle man!!”
Shining agreed slightly, “Invalid information!! Brain, can't… Compute!!”
I noodled around the alley, “Whatdowedowhatdowedo?”
Shining ended up shaking his head profusely, using his moments to revert to caveman like instincts, grunting his answer as he trotted around,
“We just… MM… MM-MM, NOPE.”
I resorted to what is now known as, Fluffle farts, “Pffbbbtt!?”
Shining twirled on his hoof and went to the spot we last saw the poor bastard and upon seeing it, his muzzle caved in on itself and he went back to denial,
“Nononononononono. NO.”
I softly blew a raspberry as I drew in the charcoaled spot, hoping that my farts of passion would ease the damned soul, “pffbtt….”
Shining tapped the ground, biting his lip as I stared at the spot where there was a pony sized crater. And with a fluid motion he grasped my shoulder, saying quickly, “We gotta tell Princess Celestia.”
“Pbbt- I mean, we do?” I asked, unsure about what to do with this. I mean, just witnessed a pony get vaporized, have his form stolen, and then that menace who took his form took out his trash then went to own his place. No biggie or nothing.
“Yeah?! Why would we not tell her?!”
I gulped and looked at the blackened ground, “Well… For starters, that thing knew what it was doing.” Rubbing my chin I groaned, “God, how do we even explain this?”
Shining tugged me along, “We tell her the whole thing! Simple!”
O.o.O.o.O
“... What?”
Shining blinked and haphazardly stumbled over his words, “We-well you see Princess…”
“Did you actually see this happen, Shining?”
“Well sort of-”
Celestia leaned forward slightly, “As a ruler, there is no, ‘sort of’s-’ nor ‘maybe’s-’. There is only yes or no. Did you see this pony relinquish his life? Or not.”
Shining gulped, tilting his head slightly downward, “N-no… your highness. We did not.”
We? Oh bull honkey. I'm just the innocent bystander in all this.
“Tick, do not believe I haven't forgotten of you. You aren't just a innocent bystander in all this, so don't think that you are getting away clean.” Said the mind reading, magic using, throne sitting, seat warming… Pony… trollishly glaring at me from her golden grethorn spot.
She just like, read my mind. And was grinning about it too! SUCH ARROGANCE!!
I merely sniffed, “Oh how posh of you to believe such a thing. I shall have you know, I was once considered a ruler where I came from. And such remarks would receive a one way trip to the headman's block.”
Several guards consciously rubbed their necks and gulped. But Celestia didn't. Oh no. She saw through all of that bullshit, “Yes, ruler of your thoughts, and good ideas were the ones punished. Please, for the sake of all things good, leave. I, at the moment, am dealing with something crucial, and it requires silence.”
Sucking in my pride, dignity and clenching my ass with a force of Duke Nukem, I added before she could, “Something of which I don't have.”
“Quite, I still need to prepare our feast, and see to our discussion following dinner.” Celestia directed her gaze to Shining, “As for you,” Upon hearing this, Shining's ears dropped a smidge, but rised slowly as Celestia continued,
“I won't forget this, but I also won't believe it either. That doesn't mean you can't take matters into your own hooves. Personally we advise you to do so.”
Shining smiled and took a bow, “Of course Princess.”
I chuckled and shook my head, “Talk about a buzzkill, have a good one Celly.” Leaving with a smoke in mouth, and mouths other than mine dropped, was well worth it all.
I carried myself out the huge doors, and watched them close with the slow, but great awe that only castle doors have. They shut, with a deafening click, causing me to grunt in amusement softly.
Things went my way for a smidge. Twas silent, nice little things to knacker with here and there, stirred some shit up with a few of the guards, and ended it with smacking face first into a wall. While smoking. Which, if you don't get it, is a double whammeh.
Personally, I didn't even mean too, I was too busy walking on a catwalk that overlooked Canterlot itself. Fuck… How did I even get on the catwalk?!
Anyway… The little tangible walking spot was about… I have to say your average apartment space upwards, and was as wide as one of those college catwalks. But it didn't have the window coverage that your overage walkthrough had. It was open, spacious, and stone!
On one side, beheld by all, lay Canterlot. It was there that I was graced by the height of the castle, and was able to glance around the pony society that was so alien to someone as me. On the other, were training grounds.
It was weird, because I don't think it would be called a catwalk, if I insisted the portion I was on, actually was connected to the stone wall. It curved around the mountainside, and allowed me to glance in two directions, as mentioned before.
Frankly, it was great, let me tell you. I’d be snapping photos left and right if my phone still worked. But that's in the past, and right now, it was the present. Had to constantly focus on the future… Which was in front of me, which also, just so happened to be the training grounds for several very physical, very flighty, and very… Very magical……. Did I mention physical?
I mean, dear god, I've seen horses in real life. Seen rodeos and shit like that to where horses fight back. But until you've seen a pony, one of the smaller, more peaceful creatures that you'd at the last moment see punch another pony in the face? Yeah, let's just say I was interested.
I turned on heel and walked to the overlook, popping a smoke right then and there. And like I said, there were many who were training at that moment, sporting in such a way to use physical, flight, and magical attacks.
They were having a spar, probably, to attain their shape and skills, and on top of that, to most likely show off to the captains that were observing the OP bastards. I say OP, because OP to most means, Over Powered. To me, it can mean multiple things, like, Over Protective, Overly Perfect, Obstinately Pissy… you get the point right?
Well yeah, these guys and gals, were extremely… All of those. If you don't accept that fact, lemme break it down for you. A fireball.
Now, a fireball, is what it's called. A legitimate fire-ball. Combined with a couple of drinks, and you get the popular alcoholic beverage, fireball. It's good. Should try it sometime. Unless you're like… underage. Then don't try it… It's quite… Spicy.
Anyway, in magical standards, I want to say that a fireball is an Amateur spell. Was used in Skyrim as an Apprentice spell. What happens, is, upon contact, the ball wraps around its victim, like a cocoon, and engulfs them in god knows what amount of heat. The end result is death. Anywhere, anytime.
HA, WRONG.
For whatever reason, the damn logic sense of Equestria wants to mindfuck me even more into believing that the ponies here are indestructible. I mean really. Unless you Igneel, or hell, Natsu, PONIES NOR PEOPLE DON'T FUCKING EAT FIRE.
One its not natural, and two, it probably gives you the worst shitting experience of your life.
Regardless, I'm also beginning to think, that the different species, like Earth Pony and Unicorns, are susceptible to different things. Like for example, I just witnessed a fireball attack a pegasus. The end result was a charred victim. Don't know if he's okay, don't care.
Now, when the Earth pony got hit, it was like looking at a badass getting shot by a flamethrower. Except said badass, ate the flame like the badass in the badass crater of badassitude.
Torgue: MOTHERF**KERS!!
It was eye opening, and gave me a whole new respect for these ponies. Gotta remember to not piss off any of them either. (Lest I wish to be the newest pothole)...(or in their terms of cursing, plothole)
The pony was charred, yes. But get this, the damn body armor was the only thing burnt to a charcoal.
So like said before, I watched the matches. Seeing different pairings and watching the different species become resistant to others. Turns out, Earth Ponies might be resistant to Unicorn magic, to an extent. Bet they still get hella hurt, but aren't fazed by it as much as a Unicorn, or Pegasus would be.
From where I was, it sounded like a bunch of ants were farting, and shouting different things like, ‘Your form isn't good ‘nuff’, ‘try harder!!!’, ‘AHHH, THATS A WARFACE, NOW LEMME SEE YOUR WARFACE’.
My side about split open from me cracking up. It was in good fun, I'll say in my defense, but I did feel a smidge sorry for the poor bastards breaking their backs out there in the field.
I took a drag and leaned on the railing. The sound of clopping reached my ears a fraction I exhaled, and it took me a few seconds to register who was passing by me. I mean, give me credit guys, come on, I've only been here what, a few days? Still trying to get used to my eyes becoming beacons of hellfire from looking at the color schemes.
It was Cadence. Mi Amour Candeza, if you people prefer royalty terms. Fact, Mi Amour Cadenza actually means, ‘My Love, Cadence’, so to be blunt, it shouldn't be a royal name at all. It honestly sounds like a nickname made up by two lovestruck ponies. OH WAIT.
Right, the facts. (Bastards…*coughcough*)
Fact number two, Cadence, is a grade A bi-
As a message from Twilight, Please refrain from reading what Tick put above, Cadence is a loving, caring, compassionately-
Ey, EY, EY! Back off.
As I was saying. I now know Cadence because of her fiancé, Shining. Shining went into full gossip mode after we spoke with Rig and such. He said she was nice, I called bullshit, he hit me in the face, I cried, end of story.
Now, I don't know if it was her attitude, or maybe she was always having a bad day, but it was the princess of, OH THOSE WERE YOUR EYEBALLS?!, Damn. Sorry bro, And she had a very bad habit of pestering those with ill hearts.
Turns out, she is the princess of love. Yeah. So that little remark I made about Shining being Cupid? Fuck that. I'm staring at the genderbent version of him right here. Minus the diaper and bow plus arrow.
“Good afternoon human.”
I immediately answered, “Why do you and Luna insist on calling me that. Should I just walk up to you while you're sipping on your succulent fucking tea and say, Good Afternoon, Horse?” Seriously. Pissing me off. Stops right here.
Cadence looked cross for a moment, “I never heard your name when we were introduced. I could refrain from calling you that, but for the moment, I feel as though it is the better pronunciation.”
I blew my tounge, “Ppffbt, whatever. What do you want.” Wasn't a question, it was a direct, statement.
Cadence shrugged with her wings, which was a creative way to do with a pony, “What do you want?”
Felt like I smacked a wall there, it was a statement, and she just like… Reverted me back to, Amagad status, “I just… asked… sh-, how does that even work?”
Cue the wing shrug. So I sighed and rubbed my face, “If you must know, all I need is peace. And quiet.” I turned and raised a brow, “Did I mention I don't want to see anymore ponies?”
Cadence chuckled, “You have. Many times as Celestia has told me.”
Ah yes… Heatwave… Or maybe Sunbutt? Eh… I'll come up with a better nickname for her later, “Yeah well, you have no idea how weird this is to me right now,”
Cue the cocky response, “You'd be surprised human.”
For Shining… And for Rarity, I shall refrain… From slapping a ho…, “Please. Dear Hesus,.. Call me Tick.”
“Ah! Like the parasite!”
I held my hands out, “OR LIKE THE CLOCK? YOU KNOW, TICK, TOCK, TICK, TOCK?!”
Cadence merely stifled a failed attempt of laughter as I meandered my head into palm, “I don't want to live on this planet anymore. I mean really. You ponies are seriously, Ticking me off.”
Cadence smiled, “Its all in good fun. We grow on you, that's for sure.”
I muttered under my breath as Cadence shuffled to my side, “Yeah… You're like fungi…”
“Fun guy? That's Shining actually, I'm more of a-”
I nearly broke her damn neck, “IT TWAS A METAPHOROCAL PHRASE WOMAN! Jesus Christ!!” I slumped into my arms, “Can I just have a peaceful evening? Away from everyone? Maybe an afternoon… Morning would be nice too.”
Cadence grinned, “Only if you say please~”
Like the Element of Generosity, it is a Rarity for me to become angry. Really. I'm like totes serious. Most the time, I'm about half-serious. I take life as a big joke, there, I said it. I'm one of those people, that you would pass by, and probably comment on the fact that I have a grin on my face most of the time.
Why the fuck is he smiling?
What? Am I not allowed to?
So yeah, the fact that the majority of pony population tends to grind my gears in every way possible isn't enough, its when they use sarcasm against me, do I get pissed.
I answerer with no emotion, “You do know humans are very capable of reading minds, and destroying them, yes?” I continued as Cadence giggled under breath, unknown to my sudden anger, “How about, I assault your mind, call it a day, and blame your insanity on a pickle. That sounds like an awesome plan.”
Cadence merely looked out to the training groups with a broad smirk, “Indeed it does. Say, what is that over there?” Said the princess of ass.
Like the gullible bastard I am, I broke half my neck looking at a wall, and then back to the pinkish golden cloud of Cadence herself, “Wha- OH YOU-, WAIT WHAAAA?!?! CADENCE!!!” Yeah. I was pretty pissed.
O.o.O.o.O
Alright, so let me skip ahead like… Five hours. Why? Because if I told you that I sulked in my room face down in the pillow for three hours, this wouldn't be called a story, and it would probably be a very bad journal entry. Probably be like… A crap-entry. Anyway,
I decided to wait out the meal that was going to be served for us in two hours, and took a shower whilst doing so.
The following events are portrayed by real actors and by audiences… This is my story.
Dun-Dun
So I hopped in the shower with the speed of Speedeh Gonzalez, (No that's not how you actually spell his name…), and I felt more at peace. Why? Well you remember that time Fluttershy caught sight of my ass? So do I. She isn't here, and I am in my own private incursion.
Honestly, I want to fist pump, but I cant ‘cus she's a pony…which by the way, makes me die a little everytime I remember that. On top of having my soul crushed at not seeing her again, which is a punishment for me and probably a miracle for her, its everytime I recall that event, it's like that scene from the SpongeBob movie, y’know?
BALD, BALD, BALD, BALD, MY EYES.
Yeahhhhhh… Like Yoda would say, The cringe is strong with this one.
Oh but hey, I was taking my first peaceful shower in the five day span of being in Equestria. Which was cool because this shower was way more sophisticated than the one Fluttershy had. Yes, I'm throwing shots out because of the things that occurred in her house, please do me a favor and if you are angry, take it up with my imaginary friend, Philbert.
It was like, a hot tub basically. Except it filled with water via a spicket on the top, and a faucet on the sides. The tub did have seats though, so you can imagine, that I was kicking back and trying my hardest to relieve the smell of horse from my lavishly grotesque form.
I swear though, its like… The water is magic. Its not to hot, its not to cold. Its just so godly good that I can't help bit waste the liquid at an alarming rate as I do usual cleaning necessities. Waste over twenty minutes in a five minute space out, and realize an hour later that you've been in too long. Shampoo hair, condition it, maybe use that weird watermelon smelling shit in the corner… No… They wouldn't be able to tell the differ- Oh what the hell am I saying? They're ponies.
The cleaning products were named, Mane and Tail cleaning. Fortunately, I didn't have a tail, but in respects, I did have hair. Which was technically a, ‘Mane’. So I flirted my locks with the gooey substance and orgasmed over the smell of French Vanilla.
Let me say that… Again.
French.
Vanilla.
That's like, the ultimate sexy word. Imagine saying that to one of your lovers, (If you have one), softly into their ears,
“...hey… French… Vanilla…”
If its one of those things I like, the smell and taste of said flavor, is one of them. Never ceases to amaze of how awesome the smell is actually. Hell, it can be on a Hefty Garbage bag and I wouldn't get tired of it.
I actually think that's a thing, and it scares the crap out of me that I know that…
But regardless, I was Jolly as a Roger when I stepped out of the steaming shower, being able to dry off slowly was one of the best things to happen since I took that ‘happy shit’. I wrapped the towel against my neck and stepped in front of the mirror to gaze at my visage.
Need to shave. Immediately.
Mm… Quite. Beard is setting in due to high stress levels. That and I might be having a heart attack here soon. Just got a hot and cold heat flash… Maybe that was the fact that I just stepped from the shower…
Anyway, I dried my hair and exited the bathroom.
“Sir, the meal is in a few h-OH GREAT CELESTIA!!”
I froze and put up a kung fu stance, ready to snap a bitch in half, “WHO GOES THERE!? I AM TRAINED IN THE ART OF COWARDICE!!” See, I left the towel on my face, so I didn't know that it was Moon Dust until to late. Poor bastard… Probably will never be able to see again, hell, I COULDN'T SEE. But nobody cares at this point. So,
“I uh… I'm… W-well you see…”
I ripped the towel from my face and waved it around, “Show yourse- oh. Hey Moon.”
Moon stood there with a blush, “Heh… Hi?”
Blush? In a room? After a shower? Why? Oh shit wait… AM I NAKED!? ERMAGERD, CLOOOTTHHINNGGG!
“Ah yeah… Uh… Look, Moon, you kinda caught me in a moment.”
Moons eyes raked me up and down, “Yes.. I an quite see that.”
Slightly embarrassed, I frowned and covered myself, pointing after I had been secured, “State your business please.”
Moon Dust blinked those orange set of eyes and cleared her throat, “Her Majesty would like to remind all guests that the meal will begin shortly.”
Wait, I thought I had more time… Shit. How long was I in the shower? Eh, probably a longer time than I like because of how first classy it was. Who could blame me though,
“Alrighty. I'll get prepared to eat with Mistress Sunbeam.”
“Mistress Sunbeam?”
I blinked, “Yeah. Y’know. Celestia. Its her nickname. Sunbeam. Would've called her Sunbutt, but I feel as though that has already been used…”
Moon raised a brow, “Okay? Did you uh… Need anything?”
I nodded whilst showing her the door, “Yes. Peace and quiet, followed up by fucking privacy. Learn to knock, and we should get along in the future, NOW SHOO!”
I shut the door to my room with minimal effort and breathed in, “Okay. Gotta eat with a magical creature… Make sure you look presentable.” Now… Should I comb my hair this way… Or that?
To the side looks nice. Now about my attire…
I have to hand it to Rarity, she outdid herself in doing the nice button up long sleeve. It was a mixture of blue and yellow, and looked absolutely badass when combined with the almost golden pants. I was good on socks, and of course had my two differently colored shoes. Now all I needed was to put them on…
So that's what I did. Got the task done in about fifteen minutes and cleared my record for trying to do something in top time. Now, upon exiting my room and into the overly large hall, I was met with the six ponies of doom.
Not the… Horses of Apocalypse assholes… Talking about the six ponies of like, my doom. Goes by the names of fictional characters. But, before I roast them because of what they've done, I want to comment on what they did now.
All were dressed in a self simplistic dress, most of them symbolizing their primary colors, or maybe just of occurring their state of mind. Like, Pinkie had candy on her dress. That kind of mind.
Rainbow had a rainbow dress, Twilight wore a scholarly star gazing dress (one of which I was lost in), Rarity had some fancy schmancy dress I could care less about, Applejack wore a country style rodeo wear, Fluttershy blew me away with a simple butterfly dress… And Pinkie?
...Well let's just say that Pinkie looked pretty sweet in her gown.
“Tick? Wow. You clean up pretty good.” Said Fluttershy.
Oh stop it you~, “Hey, don't try and belittle me with compliments.” I said with a furrowed, yet humorous brow, “But thank you. I tried. You girls look no worse for wear. Nice dresses.”
All blushed slightly, (Kill me please), Twilight being the one to smile, “Thanks. We were just waiting on Shining to get us. Who, by the way, I heard you already met him and Cadence?”
I sighed, “Yes. I got into some trouble with Shining just a few hours ago, and I'm about to find trouble with Cadence if she pesters me any longer.”
Applejack held a hoof out, “Woah, woah. What kinda trouble?”
All looked at me as I shrugged, “Really though, I doubt that if I told you, you'd believe me. Celesta sure as hell didn't. And she's the most caring out of anyone here to my knowledge.”
Twilight raised another brow, “What did my brother do this time.”
“Okay, hold up, rewind, booowalooololololo, Brother? Shining? Say whaaaa?” I said with a upturned lip.
Twilight cocked her head, “He didn't tell you?”
I snorted, “He just mentioned you here and there. I dunno, maybe? Probably wasn’t paying attention though.”
Well Pinkie sure as hell cheered me up, “You pay for attention? *Gasp* You must be like… A quadbittionare!”
Cue the chorus of snickers. Thank you Pinkie,
“Right. Uh… Well Shining and I saw some guy vaporized.” I held thumbs up with a false smile, “And then someother pony take his form. Now, like I said, its kinda cringey to hear, but hey, fuck you, it happened.”
“Took his form? I didn't think that you could do that…”
I chuckled, “I didn't do it. Some weird bug did. Freaked Shining out hella.”
Fluttershy gulped, “W-what about you?”
YES. ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THIS. Okay, okay. Step one, take out cigarette, step two, light it, step three, inhale and exhale some smoke, and then finale time!
“I was just… There.”
All five let out a ‘oh’ and Pinkie was the one to say, ‘ah’. Rainbow was the only one unfazed because she blew a piece of her styled ponytai-
… Oh my god I think I just shat myself… is that where we get the phrase from?
Mind
Blown
Anyway, Rainbow blew a piece of her ponytail away, letting out a small snort, “Very impressive Tick. What happened next?”
I shrugged for the third time in a five minute period, “Told Celestia.” I let out a gaming grump, “...Like I said, she didn't believe us.”
Rarity sniffed, “Yes, although it would make for quite a story, I just don't see a… Pony… Doing such a thing.”
Maybe because its unheard of… Don't get me wrong, I'm betting these ponies do see a lot from the mindset of me. Like Dragons, (Actually, did Spike come? No? Damn. That sucks.) And other things that are fictionary in our world. But they haven't seen anything violent. Everything that lives here, Is like the world of Peter Rabbit. All happy and go fun sunshine! Nothing to serious happens.
But I did hear something about Discord. Which couldn't be a coincidence. Probably one of those stupid author plot twists where, Oh shit! Dream about Discord? Gasp, here he is! It goes to my mind that these six actually kicked his ass, after theirs had been kicked first.
Kudo points to Hufflepuff.
Where did I get such information? Answer is Shining again, ladies and gents. Who is now… Galloping towards us… And showing no signs of slowing down…
“Oh… Tick!... Twily!... Girls!!... Whew…” He stopped in front of us, fully garbed in his Captain uniform. Not the armor, but the actual like, navy kinda uniform,
“Okay. Tick… Need you to come with me real quick.”
I questioned, “I swear, whatever I did, I didn't do.”
If this was about the Pegasi dorm having a pile of shit in the middle of the floor, I'm going to throw myself out the window.
Shining shook his head and looked at me with pleading eyes, “Tick, if you know where Cadence is, please tell me.”
I held my hands up, “Woahwoahwoahwoahwoah. Woah. Woah.” I pointed after I had gained his attention, “I didn't do nothin to Cadence. Other than about strangulate her throat in anger for her damn logic sense.”
Shining forcefully got out, “Well then where is she?!?”
“How would i know?!” I said with a shrug.
Shining sighed loudly and twirled around with his hoof in mouth, “In case you haven't guessed then, Cadence is gone.”
There was a chorus of gasps, followed by me raising a brow as I inhaled some more minty cancer, “Maybe she's just taking a walk?”
Shining shook his head, looking at me with fear, “While screaming?”
Wait… What scr-
>>AAAAHHHHH<<
Oh. That one.
Well fuck me sideways and call me a open window. If that isn't a bad cliché for a horrible entry, then I don't know what is.
O.o.O.o.O