//------------------------------// // The Train // Story: Mundane and Mystical // by Thatonedingus //------------------------------// To say my first day in Equestria was turbulent would be an understatement. Although I’ve always been used to turbulence. Hell, you must be when you grow up the way I did, but this breed of turbulence was different; very different. It all started with stepping off that train, and come to think of it that train ride is a small story in its own. That whole ‘event’ started with my exiting the lab of the castle. Seeing the castle for the first time was awe inspiring. Artwork lined the walls, and various coats of arms were on the end of each hallway. I believe I asked about what each coat of arms represented, but I can’t remember a single syllable. I was far too busy staring at the long sleek blade that was being shown under a case of crystal. I believe that blade was called ‘Ansiel.’ It was the sword of an angel or some angelic creature at the very least. Twilight said that it was gifted after the first war with the changelings. They also say that the soul of its original wielder is still within the gem that gives the blade its power. I never let it out of my sight. Although it would be a long time before that blade ended up as my property. I’m getting well ahead of myself. After leaving the castle she lead me into the train station. I think it goes without saying that I got a fair few odd looks. I mean, you see some strange looking alien creature just casually walking behind one of the princess’s; you would think some strange thoughts. Not a one questioned anything though. I suppose I was never that strange looking. That, or I wasn’t the first alien creature to be lead through a train station by her. I’ve the feeling it’s the latter. That station though. It had been ages since I had seen one. There is a wall that surrounds the combat zone, no one goes in or out, except for the occasional military unit. Occasionally a medical team will also go in but that is even more rare. With that being said; I had never seen a train station. Hell, I had never seen that many people all in one area without them trying to kill each other. Funny really. Friendliness was something I seldom saw. It was welcome, if not a tad bit overbearing. The train itself was something you would think of when you thought of traveling the country back in the forties. I don’t know why I keep using these comparisons to things you would only understand if you were human, but hell, I don’t know what else to compare it to. Hopefully you ponies reading this will be able to get the gist of what I’m talking about. Where was I? Right, on the train I saw something amazing; people talking, and yes I will call them people. I’m of a mind that the soul is the same across any physical form, and I’m most comfortable saying people. I know, I should be amazed by talking ponies, and unicorns and magic and all these amazing things! No! It was the talking. It could have been a few people talking on a subway and it would have made my jaw gape. Bullets have always been my means of debate. So, seeing actual oratory was awesome. I sat down on a seat from Twilight. I was just staring and dotting from group to group listening to what they were saying. It was mostly just dinner plans with a side of what they did while in Canterlot. It was an immense pleasantness for a man whose most pleasant thoughts were a time at home without having to listening to bullets wiz by. I was calm. “So, what did you think of the city?” Twilight asked, still excited that she had found some new discovery. At that time she thought all humans were like me. No, if they were, I would be somewhere else entirely. “It was amazing,” I said, taking a sip of the cider that had been provided by one of the attendants, “this is what I wanted. A change of scenery. I think this’ll be fun.” Even then I was a cocky bastard. Although, I had earned my cockiness. “That’s great!” She seemed genuinely happy. That sip of cider was heavenly. The cup was of a fine wood with crystal on the inside. I felt the faint warmth of the cider even through all the layers. The drink itself was the best thing I had ever had. I won’t compare it to anything I had drank in the old world. It’s in a different league entirely. At the time, I thought it to be akin to ambrosia. Every sip was another trip into nirvana. You’d think I was a crazy person if you saw me at that moment. I was slouched in my seat with my tongue most of the way out of my mouth. I couldn’t control myself. The ride was mostly silent. I stared outside the window at the countryside and she simply let me enjoy the scenery. It’s the little things. It’s the little things that are gifts in this world that I enjoy so much. Around half way through the trip though the train halted at some stop that only had two ponies standing at it. They were wearing sunglasses, and bandannas that covered their mouths. It looked silly, and only made it sillier when they declared they were robbing the train. One was a rather bulky one that could probably crack a skull or two if he ever tried. The other one was a unicorn that was white. Although unlike Celestia his white was far from perfect. It was splotched with brown and covered in dust and dirt from the wilderness. Twilight looked angry, and her horn began to glow. “Chill, let me handle this. Might as well repay you for the hospitality.” She saw me pulling out my magnums, but before I could fully take them out she said something that I never like to hear. “Okay, but you can’t kill them.” “Damn…” I whispered under my breath, slowly putting my guns away. Now, I might be a firearms expert over anything else, but hell, it was a little unicorn and a horse I was feeling confident. I stood up and got into the isle. Immediately the big one looked at me and with a surprisingly shrill voice he said, “Oh do we have a hero here?” I couldn’t help but laugh historically. He was a tad bit bigger than your average work horse with that voice. I almost fell over when I first heard it. “You could say that yeah. Although I don’t like to identify as a hero.” “What even are you,” the unicorn piped up, “some kind of hairless chimp.” “Don’t worry about what I am,” I cracked my knuckles, “worry about my name. Josef Dirgin. A pleasure to beat you.” I know I probably shouldn’t have given them my real name, and later it would bite me in the ass, but at the time I couldn’t think of an alias. It’s not like my name is Shirley or something silly. The work horse charged me like a bull. He was aiming to kill, and unfortunately I didn’t have the same luxury. The aisle was too small to move to the left or right, so I jumped. One of my feet smashed into his head as I grabbed the bars at the top of the train car. The hit hurt, it hurt him bad, but didn’t knock him out. I dropped back down and whipped out the best one liner I could think of at the moment. “Looks like you just got booted.” I said it was my best, never said it was good or made any sense whatsoever. The unicorn was pissed and tried to cast some weird force thing at me. It was like being tickled by an invisible feather. I’ve this strange feeling that wasn’t the original idea of the spell, but hey, when you suck you suck. That spell being casted was the first time I noticed that the black eyes were a benefit. I could see where the magic was. If I can see it, I can dodge it. The next thing he shot out at me was swiftly avoided and he was on the ground with one swift punch to the noggin. “Brother!” The workhorse shrieked at me as he charged once more. You see boys and girls; always pay attention when you are fighting. I see these fights and whatnot in what is effectively slow motion. However, it doesn’t matter how easy a strike is to dodge, when you don’t dodge it! Getting hit by a horse; it hurts like hell! He sent me through a car and a half. By all means I should have been dead. By all means I should have been dead one hundred times over due to all the shit I’ve done. I was alive. Not feeling good, but alive. Even the workhorse thought that that strike would have killed me, because by the time I made it back in there he was riffling through purses. “Hey kid…you just fucked up really bad.” I was smiling, in a lot of pain as my bones rebuilt themselves, but smiling nonetheless. The workhorse took a step back as I took one forward. He backed up until I was right on top of him. “If you’re going to try to kill someone. Make sure you hit hard enough to do it right.” I reeled back and punched him as hard as I could. It was then that I remembered I didn’t have any kind of super strength and I heavily relied on weapons to deal with people. He bucked me again and I flew back to a similar spot that I had the last time. I even saw my ass dent! As I ran back I began to scream, “Okay! At first I was mad, but now I’m just at a loss of what to do!” “You should empty your pockets.” He smirked at me as if he had won. “Nah I think I’ll just shoot you.” I pulled out one of my magnums and shot him in the front right leg in a quarter second flat. He didn’t exactly have that leg anymore. “You might want to cauterize that wound.” I said to Twilight as she looked on mortified at what I had done. She quickly used her magic to close the wound and looked back to me. “What have you done!” Her eyes, as well as the other passengers, were wide open with a state of shock and disgust. “You only said I couldn’t kill him and I didn’t kill him.” I stretched before saying, “Wait a minute...” I nudged the workhorse with my foot and heard a groan. “Yeah, I didn’t kill him! Besides, something bad could have happened If I didn’t step in!” “If you hadn’t of stepped in, I just would have used magic to detain them until the local law came in and took them away!” She took a deep breath, “The only reason I didn’t tell you no was because I wanted to see how effective you were in this kind of scenario when you were not able to kill; and when I said don’t kill, I thought you would have thought that meant don’t maim ponies. Plus, there’s the collateral damage that now needs to be taken care of.” “Hehe mane.” I chuckled. “I said MAIM!” “Oh.” I stretched. “Well, I guess we’ll be waiting a while for someone to take these guys away. Honestly though, I don’t know if it’s the best idea for me to be seen around all of this.” I sat back down and looked around some more. “How does Equestria treat vigilantes?” “You really are a piece of work.” Twilight sat back in her seat and smiled nervously at all the ponies staring back. “Vigilantes are usually treated like heroes around here. However, most vigilantes aren’t alien creatures, and most of them don’t cripple ponies…” “Hmm, well, how long should the police take to get here.” “Honestly, no idea. I don’t exactly spend much time in the country.” Twilight took a sip of her drink. “Those weapons that you used, what do you call them?” “These babies? Well, the generic term is a gun, but I have this really weird feeling you want something more specific.” Sarcasm has always been something I had a bad habit of using. The amount of times I’ve been shot at because of sarcasm is innumerable. “These are desert eagles. I load fifty caliber rounds into these babies, and boy when they hit you, you really feel it. These weapons have some sentimental value though.” “Sentimental?” “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s kind of personal.” “I understand completely.” Twilight smiled at me. I might not have wanted to talk about those pistols then, but I sure as hell do now. Before all the gang warfare tore apart the city my mother was a member of the special operations unit that dealt with organized gang activity. Most of what they did was find out where the big meetings are, and shut them down. They were SWAT without all the limitations and a hell of a lot more training. Those guns, Amriel and Curmal, they got her through a lot of shit in her service days. She never let it affect her though. She would come home with her briefcase, sit down and eat dinner with the family. She would talk about the more mundane parts of her day. It was never the three people she killed off. It was more about what she talked about around the watercooler, or all the paperwork she had to fill out. I loved her. She was a part of the team that went in to deal with the first real attack. It was a quiet day. Then…then it was very loud. There was a massive attack at the local mall. Four hundred people died that day. Among the deceased were mostly the civilians and special operations forces that walked into a complete shit storm. I got the news the next morning. The only things that was left of her was a briefcase. That briefcase, that briefcase was the first thing that put me onto the trail of becoming who I am. Those two magnums were mine now, and for some time, I refused to use them. Every time I saw them I would burst into tears because all I would see is my mother smiling. I used to be such a softy. You ponies reading this now, these moments of sadness are few and far between. Everything I became fell in swiftly after those guns were in my possession. Maybe some other time I’ll put in the story of how I went in and gunned down the people that killed my mother. Hours had passed and there was no sign of the police. I laughed before saying, “At this rate I may as well have walked. How far are we from Ponyville anyways?” “A few hours by train. You probably wouldn’t make it before the moon set in.” She smirked. “That a challenge?” “I’m not letting you off this train.” She said confidently. “Oh yeah?” I stood up, but before I could take one step, my body locked up. I couldn’t move an inch. I couldn’t even speak. I was paralyzed. What I saw them, what my black eyes picked up, I learned quick what I was dealing with. Around me was a power stronger than anything I would ever see until I met Discord. Funny thing though, she’s the weakest of them all. I say that, but keep in mind the amount of power we are dealing with. I’m sure many of you ponies have read about what she has done, or hell what Luna, Celestia, or Discord have done. Magic is power; plain and simple. A few seconds later and she let me go. “Point taken.” I said, trying to play off what I just saw as cool. Not too long afterwards the police had made their way onto the train. They didn’t question me. They only dragged the ponies out and put them into the cages. I wondered then, but upon hindsight I wouldn’t question the person so casually sitting next to the princess. The train started moving again, and I was beyond relieved to get moving once again. “So…now that that ugliness is over…” Twilight looked up at me once again. “Yes?” “How do you feel?” Twilight asked this in earnest. “About being in a new alien world? Pretty good. Like I said earlier, I was bored in my world. There was no challenge anymore. I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of work I can find. I have this weird feeling finding bad guys isn’t as easy here as it was there.” “You’d be kind of surprised actually. There are always ponies looking for others to deal with their problems…and I’m glad you’re feeling good. I was worried you were upset that you would probably never see anyone you knew ever again.” “All my friends are long gone, my family is long gone, all that was left was cannon fodder for me to hone my craft on. I was admittedly content, but bored.” I yawned and leaned back in my seat. “Speaking of which, how am I going to get money to feed myself.” “Like I said.” Said, Twilight as she leaned back as well. “There are always ponies looking for help with things, and there are always monsters that need to be stopped.” “Good to know.” The rest of the ride was silent, and we eventually arrived in the small town of Ponyville. It was bright and colorful and basically the direct opposite of what I was used to. I loved it. This has gone on for a while, the next chapter I think I will tell you ponies about the last of my welcoming into Equestria. Man, it feels good to write for a newspaper.