A Changeling in Friendship

by Dreams of Ponies


Memories of a Sorceress Girl

Notice: There is a musical part of this chapter, if you wish to hear the music that goes along with it, please see the authors notes.



For a time that was longer than I bothered to count, I continued to drift downwards into the seemingly bottomless void. In the first few hours, I had desperately tried to swim or fly upwards, but succeeded only in exhausting myself. In the end I simply closed my eyes to rest, as there was no change in lighting.

I'm eventually going to reach the bottom, but there doesn't seem to be a way out anyway. In an hour or so, Twilight would be waking to see an unconscious changeling at her bedside. There's no doubt that I'd be jailed, and probably tortured for weeks. It is however, unlikely, that I would be killed on sight. My journey with Twilight and her friends had given me the feeling that they were disinclined to violence.

It might not even matter what they did with my body, as I was most likely too far lost in Twilight. To leave a mind, I always had to return to its topmost layer, in this case, the dream of Ponyville in which I had entered. If I could not escape this dark forgotten part of Twilight's mind, then it was likely that I would never again see the waking world. I was trapped here, forever, inside the memories of the greatest enemy of the hive.

Suddenly, an image struck me and I actually laughed out loud. At the thought of Twilight jumping out of bed and knocking the shell of a changeling over to the floor, followed by a shrill shriek and commotion, I couldn't help but chuckle, thinking about the look on Twilight's face, going from surprised, to horrified, to confused in a short span of seconds. The scene played itself out in my mind, an amused grin finding its way across my face, even as I continued my descent into the final frontier.

With my eyes still closed, I let my mind drift away to the moments I'd avoided thinking about too hard in the past hour or so. While it was true that time had been of the essence, I had still been disinclined to give further thought to the memories I had witnessed and destroyed. Each moment had been unique, and yet each shared certain similarities that I couldn't help but notice. Each of Twilight's friends had a strong connection to not only Twilight herself, but to each other. The strength of their friendships had been enough to not only give me a run for my bits, but also for Twilight to construct a protective ward over her mind.

It must be nice to have some-ling to have your back. I thought back to the first memory I had visited, recalling the cloudy bedroom with ease. Fluttershy had been so kind, yet firm with Rainbow Dash, telling her what she needed to hear, even if it hurt at first. The compassion she showed, even as her friends were lost, was remarkable.

Then I remembered Rainbow Dash, and how she was willing to sacrifice her dream, her desired future, for her moral code. How fiercely she'd cared for her friends, and would hold her head high, rather than allow her self respect to be tarnished. I've never seen a pony that seemed that devoted to those about whom she cared.

Next was Applejack, the pony who had struggled between the false happiness of a lie, and the painful realization of the truth. The importance she placed on not only the honesty of one's words, but the truthfulness of some-ling's soul, was astounding. Her strong character had allowed her to speak out, and also own her own mistakes, especially in the face of doubt.

Afterwards, my mind drifted to Rarity and the fashion show. While the whole thing seemed arbitrary at first, I had come to see how big Rarity's inner self could be. How she gave to others, not just of material gifts, but of her own time and dedication, was nothing short of ludicrous. Changelings thought only of the hive, and though it was a collective process of taking from ponies, and then giving to the hive, it was more of a fundamental need, compared to Rarity's internal desires.

Finally, I thought about Pinkie Pie. What an experience that had been, like drifting through a cotton candy hurricane over an active volcano.
Everything that she had said to me while we sat and ate stuck with me even now. The tears that ran down her face as we spoke of Twilight and how much Pinkie Pie wanted for me to help her friend. I remembered following her through the dream of Ponyville, and the unbridled happiness that I had tasted emanating from her. And then the world turned on its head as she had threatened to carve the happiness of her friends out of my chest. What a strange encounter that had been. It was one I would likely remember for the rest of my life, however dismally short or painfully long that had now become.

All the energy I had gathered from them seemed to stir as I recalled each memory. Their questions shone down upon my mind like stars in the sky, each voice speaking softly into my ear as I continued to drift ever further into the abyss.

"Have you ever done anything for someone, just because it felt good inside, because it seemed like a nice thing to do?" whispered Fluttershy.

"Would you violate your own morals and principles if you thought it would impress someone that you respected?" called Rainbow Dash.

"If everyone around you believed in somethin’, somethin’ that ya knew was a lie, would ya' be honest with 'em, even if they might hate ya' for it?" said an sincere Applejack.

"Have you ever shared yourself with someone, simply because of what they meant to you?" Rarity inquired in a hushed voice.

And then finally, "Why... is your name Null?" Pinkie Pie's voice echoed into my mind.

I pondered these questions as I fell, each one taking a turn to nibble on my brain, while also making something inside me squirm uncomfortably. They seemed to circle me, one after another, pulling at my stubborn will little by little. I could almost feel the presence of Twilight's friends around me, but when I opened my eyes to look, I was greeted only by darkness.

Finally, a feeling against my back brought my mind back to reality. I had finally reached the bottom, which felt solid enough beneath my hooves as I rolled over. I scanned the area around me, searching for anything, any sign of light, and found nothing. I moved my hooves forward, and was given the smallest comfort that I could at least walk down here. I moved forward quietly, looking and listening for anything of note. The perpetual darkness was unyielding.

I walked for what felt like hours, becoming increasingly more desperate as I thought that at any moment, Twilight would wake up, and I would become a sitting target for the pony princess. I started to trot, moving faster and faster while my brain revolved around itself. At some point I had gone from a trot to a full gallop, my body attempting to match the speed of my racing mind. As I ran, the only thing that could be heard above the thundering of my hooves on whatever ground underneath me was the knocking of my own heart in my throat.

My lungs labored. My heavy breathing was a representation of my mental stress in a world that required no air to breathe, or blood to pump. I might have continued to run for some time, if not for a small misstep that sent me sprawling onto my my chest. I slid a short ways, and then loosed a sigh as my head slumped in defeat and self-embarrassment.

I closed my eyes once more and prepared to resign myself to living on the bottom of Twilight's unconscious mind for the rest of my days, or, perhaps, until I eventually go insane. It was at this point that I felt it. A vibration through the ground had barely tickled my chitin and snapped me out of my depression. I pressed my ear the ground, and sure enough, I could feel the thumping of sound being carried past me. I hurried to my hooves, and then looked around frantically for the source of the noise. And then I spotted it, a tiny glimmer of light in the distance. I trotted briskly towards it, a strange sense of relief washing over me.

At best, they might know a way out of here, and in the very least, I'd have company during my immeasurable stay in this abyss. I diminished my pace to a slow walk as the mare's voice became clear enough to make out.

"Many a waltz spun awkwardly out of the rain,
she was an anxious refrain."

Her voice was gentle and calming, but I could also detect a sense of melancholy as she sang. I drifted ever closer, slowly becoming mesmerized the longer I listened,

"Memories of a sorceress girl
Endless fascination with the secrets of the world."

Huh? Is she singing about Twilight? At this point I could make out the blue star-covered hat she wore, which came up to a tall point that had flopped over. Her silver and blue mane seemed to flow in a non-existent wind. I stopped a short ways before her little campfire to listen more intently to her song.

"Dreams of the youth: those cute, little, movements.
Darlin', emit and combine, particles-signs that transform,
a body into flame."

Such a mix of somber and loving emotions seemed to waft from her as she sang, each note on her instrument filled with the same feelings. I kept listening, leaving her uninterrupted for as long as I could. I understood that the song was about Twilight, and was written with love and compassion, but the second verse made other questions stumble about my mind.

"A kind voice, a gentle face,
A friend who vanished without a trace
A blue body, an illusionist on stage… ”

I crept a little closer, straining my eyes against the dark contrast of this void to see that this mare's coat was indeed blue. It's probably a safe bet that she's part of the song as well. Unfortunately, my movement didn’t go unnoticed, which seemed evident when she immediately stopped playing.

"So, you made it here after all, then?" she said, a little bit of annoyance creeping into her voice.

"Well, it wasn't on purpose, if that's what you mean," I responded in turn.

The blue mare harrumphed, turning her head away from me as she spoke, "Trixie tried to warn you, but you didn't listen, no one ever listens to Trixie..." she trailed off at the end.

"Why are you talking like that?" I asked, tilting my head sideways.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie always talks like this! It's how a performer is supposed to act." Trixie looked down and muttered under her breath, "Not that I've had anypony to perform for in a long time." She looked solemnly at the musical instrument lying next to her.

"Alright, then," I said, before moving to stand next to her. "May I sit with you?'

Trixie shrugged. "Knock yourself out, it's not like I was expecting anypony anyway."

"So, um, Trixie, may I ask why you're here, at the bottom-most part of Twilight's mind?"

Trixie closed her eyes, a small sad smile gracing her lips. "I'm here because Twilight put me here." I waited for a few moments, which Trixie took as the queue to continue, "I'm not really Trixie, Null. I'm the representation of her, created by Twilight’s mind. I'm here because she doesn't want to think about me. This place," Trixie swept her hooves towards the areas around us, "is where all Twilight's suppressed thoughts go. Whether it's because she's actually forgotten about them, or magically sealed them away." Trixie looked down at her hooves, a single drop of water falling to splash onto the dark ground.

"Why would Twilight trap you down here? What memory is so bad that she'd make a magical effort to avoid thinking about it?" I asked, now very curious.

"Trixie will tell you her story, but only if you will promise one thing," Trixie answered, looking me straight in the eye.

"What would you need me to do?" I asked, looking around us.

Trixie gave a tiny, but noticeable smirk, and then said, "The Great and Powerful Trixie happens to know a way out, but... " Trixie looked down, her cheeks tinting red, "Trixie needs your help to do it."

"Well, out with it then. I don't have any plans to make Twilight's mind my permanent residence," I said flatly.

"Alright, alright. So years ago, Trixie came to Ponyville to put on a show," Trixie stood up and threw her hooves into the air, as if looking over a crowd. "It was glorious and fantastic! Trixie had done well." Then Trixie's face darkened as she lowered her head. "Then Trixie's ego got the better of her, and almost caused ponies to get hurt. It if wasn't for Twilight, who knows what might have happened."

"And that's why you're here?" I asked, a bit confused.

"Trixie is not yet done with her story!" Trixie snapped at me, before taking in a breath, then pushing a hoof out from her chest and exhaling. "So after Trixie's humiliating defeat, Trixie eventually returned to Ponyville. Trixie had acquired a powerful artifact that gave her powers even greater than Twilight, and so Trixie challenged Twilight to a duel. Trixie won, of course, and then I banished Twilight from Ponyville."

"Wow, you'd give my queen a run for her bits," I remarked, chuckling softly.

"Hush you," Trixie growled. "Eventually Twilight returned, and beat Trixie at her own game. She put on a fantastic performance, with illusions, some of which Trixie had never even conceived!" Trixie hung her head, perhaps to avoid looking in my direction. I could feel a cocktail of emotions bubbling to the surface, and was having trouble deciphering all of them. "Trixie left Ponyville after that, shamed by Twilight's performance, and ashamed of my own actions."


"That's Trixie's story, Null, and now I'll tell you mine," she said after sniffling. "I used to live above, with everypony else in Twilight's dreams, but she changed after a while, especially after she became a princess," Trixie was soaked in sadness, her eyes beginning to water as she spoke, "Twilight is ashamed of me, of what I represent."

"And what would that be?" I asked legitimately curious at this point.

"I'm her first real failure at friendship," Trixie sniffed, small tears dripping from her chin. She had turned away from me again, but I could still taste her sorrow. It was similar to what I had felt when every-ling had turned away from me, seeing me as nothing. "Twilight didn't try to really try to befriend Trixie, only lecture her on what friendship means." Trixie spun around to glare at me, "Twilight is horrified by the idea of failure, especially a failure in friendship. So she threw me into this pit, wishing to never think about what happened... what could have been."

Then I opened my mouth to insert my hoof, "But you're not really alive, it's not like any of this is actually real."

The fire in Trixie's eyes was vaguely reminiscent of Pinkie Pie hours earlier, her voice booming into the darkness, "You're going to tell me that the pain I feel isn't real! That just because we're inside Twilight mind that everything I care about is immaterial!" Trixie stomped towards me, her face livid, "I should just let you rot in here, you stupid bug, you would really deserve it!" I stumbled backwards, landing on my side as Trixie loomed over me.

"I'm... I'm sorry," I managed to say.

Trixie's face of imminent doom lessened slightly, "Really?"

"Ye-yeah," I stammered, "Something inside is telling me that what I said was really rude, and that I should apologize."

"Hah!" Trixie laughed, pulling away from me. "You've got pieces of Twilight's friends inside you, it's not much of a surprise."

"What!" I said, looking down at my chest, and then proceeding to inspect my hooves.

"Yeah, I'm still wondering how you haven't noticed, but inside you, you hold the essence of each of Twilight's closest friends. It's because of what you had to do to get here."

"You saw all that then," I said, rubbing a hoof against the back of my neck.

"I'm part of Twilight's mind, so yeah, I can see everything that happens. I just can't leave this place, or comfort Twilight like I want."

"So, what now then, Trixie?" I said seriously.

"Now," she said, a funny little grin crossing her face, "we sing!"

I blinked rapidly, not entirely sure I'd understood her correctly. "We what!?" Trixie smiled at me as she picked up her many-stringed instrument, before gently settling it across a bent hoof.

"I don't know if you noticed, Null, but our magic doesn't allow us to travel out of here," she said, before pulling a hoof across the strings. They resonated outwards, a serene look crossing Trixie's face. "The only way to leave this dark place is to draw Twilight's attention to this place. And there's no stronger magic in Princess of Friendship's mind than the magic of friendship itself!" she said, barely suppressing a giggle.

"But why do we have to sing?" I whined at her.

"Music is the easiest way to speak your true feelings," she said simply, strumming her instrument again. "I'll teach you the words, and what to do, and then we'll put on a real show for Twilight!”

"If all you had to do was sing, then why do you need me?" I asked, still confused by the sudden need for me to embarrass myself.

"Well, if you hadn't noticed, I was singing when you got here, but it didn't really have an effect. Well, I mean, it called out to you, when you were lost, but it didn't do anything for Twilight," she smirked at me, before pulling the instrument closer to her. "I've spent a long time writing this song for Twilight, I feel it really shows how amazing Twilight can be, and yeah... " she trailed off. "Look, I need you because Twilight doesn't consider me a friend, but you, you have all of her friends inside you."

My eyes widened as her explanation started to click in my head.

"And it's not like you have anything better to do," Trixie smirked at me. I shrugged, finally conceding the argument.

---

It took quite a while. Whether because of my previous lack of ever trying to sing, or my four left hooves, I don't know. But, eventually, I'd managed to work it out in spite of Trixie's groans and critiques.

"It doesn't have to be perfect," I complained for the fourth time.

"Well, Trixie would like it to be as close as possible," Trixie quipped back at me, "Trixie still has some standards after all."

"Whatever, can we start now?" I asked, hoping to finally leave this dark pit.

"I think so, but let me say something first," Trixie said, moving up next to me.

"Yeah, what is it?" I asked.

"You realize that this will probably wake Twilight up, right?"

"I'm aware of that Trixie, and I will take whatever comes afterwards," I answered solemnly. "But I'd rather go face her above, than be trapped down here forever with you." I winced slightly at what I’d just said. "No offense."

Trixie laughed at that, sporting the first true smile I had seen on her face. "I'd rather not have you bugging me for the next few decades either."

"Oh, very funny, Trixie," I said, smiling back at her.

"Anyway, bug-butt, let's do this," she said, her face becoming serious once again.

"Alright, you start then." I stepped up next to her.

Trixie nodded, pulling her hoof over the strings in a single chord. It rang out across the darkness, a vibration rippling across the fabric of Twilight’s unconscious mind. She turned her head and gave me an encouraging smile, closing her eyes as she did so. Taking a breath, she looked up and out into the darkness and began playing,

"Many a waltz spun awkwardly out of the rain
she was an anxious refrain.
Takin' your time with the imperceptible
Beautiful myths of becoming animal
Wasp to the orchid, orchid to the winter
Regress is to move towards lesser difference."

I watched in awe as she moved along on her back hooves, her horn glowing to hold down certain string, while her hoof came down in rapid succession.

"Memories of a sorceress girl
Endless fascination with the secrets of the world.

Dreams of the youth: those cute, little movements. Darlin',
Emit and combine particles-signs that transform a body into flame."

I straightened up, preparing myself for my entrance into the song. Though I was nervous, I couldn't help but smile at Trixie's enthusiasm as I felt the brilliance of her love radiate into the void.

"So, tell me that this love is all we are,
this simple story, this carousel we're on.

A flame erupted around me as I changed into a copy of Twilight Sparkle. I stepped forward to sing out in her voice, "This one's a chemist... "

"A little magic, a different kind of spark," she continued, her smile growing as she watched me.

I shifted my form once again, appearing as Applejack, hat and all, to sing, "This one's a friend of mine."

"Our glassy essence just floating in the dark," Trixie sang into the darkness, strumming the notes gleefully.

"This one's an actress," I said, as green fire shifted my form to the white unicorn.

"It's how you taught us to conjure up," she continued.

"This one's name Pinkie Pie," my hair frizzed and I had the sudden need to bake something.

"A little kindness to take inside our hearts," I heard Trixie's voice call out.

"This one's for kindness," I sang, smiling at my butter-yellow wings.

"Our will to power -- together, not apart," Trixie said to follow after me.

A rainbow mane fell across my face as I sang, "This one can really fly!"

"Trace of the other, a truly modern art," Trixie finished.

I shifted into a copy of Trixie, before softly singing, "This one's my favorite."

I could see Trixie’s fur take on a scarlet hue as she moved into the chorus of the song.

"All that you are and all that you'll be is harmony. You are so silly."

She then picked up the beat a little, nodding her head to me to lead.

I shifted form once again to the purple princess, moving near Trixie as I sang in Twilight's voice, Trixie backing me up.

"A kind voice, a gentle face,
A friend who vanished without a trace
A blue body, an illusionist on stage...
Twitcha-twitcha, can you stop a moment?
What does Hegel mean by "Absolute Spirit"?
So much love you are!"

Trixie smiled at me, strumming along as I started my solo,

"This is the place for us, the place for us
The place we'd really love, or learn to love
To join our separate lines, to seize and multiply
A disassembly line extracting from you
Comb your hair, smooth your dress.
Tidy up, smile for us
Take a look, take a breath,
Giddy up, smile for us
So much love you are"

Trixie blushed harder as she watched me pouring my heart into the song, my entire self aching as Twilight’s voice rang out across the void. I looked around, and was surprised to see walls appearing around us. The shadows solidified and bookshelves became visible. A staircase leading up and out of this room appeared and Trixie gestured me toward it as we continued to play.

We swapped our parts for the second chorus, though I still changed into each of Twilight's friends. I felt strange as we ascended the stairs, the form of each pony seeming to leave me with a bigger and bigger smile. Trixie looked back at me as we walked, my form shifting from Rarity to Pinkie Pie.

"This one's an actress,” Trixie finished smoothly.

“It's how you taught us to conjure up," I squeaked in Pinkie's high pitched voice.

"This one is Pinkie Pie!" Trixie echoed my earlier chorus.

Our song reverberated off the walls, the library forming around us, changing slowly from a faded grey into a glowing golden hall of knowledge. Trixie danced around as we climbed, giggling a little in between lines of the song. I couldn't resist getting caught up in the magic of it all. I looked upwards to see the stairs ending in a small trapdoor, and reached up with my magic to open it. Without an issue, it swung downwards to allow us entrance. I stepped underneath the door, which was still a few meters above the last step, and bent down to allow Trixie to climb up. She stepped lightly onto my back, and then I stood up as she clambered up and out. Then I stood up on my back legs, and was promptly grabbed by an assortment of hooves.

Standing in the Golden Oaks book repository was all of Twilight's friends, who were all smiling warmly at me.

"Is Twilight... " I started to ask, but was silenced with a strong orange hoof to my lips.

"She's outside, Sugarcube. She's been waitin' for ya," Applejack answered, gesturing to the front door. Before I could start towards the door, my vision was blinded by an enormous amount of pink frizzy mane.

"Thank you, Null, for bringing Trixie back to us." Pinkie Pie said, almost crying.

"Why didn't you tell me about her?" I asked, my cheeks heating up.

"Would you have believed me if I told you?" Pinkie pie asked flatly.

"Ah, probably not," I answered honestly. "Now, I need to go talk to Twilight, I guess.

"Um..excuse me.." said a small voice. I turned to see Fluttershy stepping forward, a nervous smile on her face.

"Yes, Fluttershy, what is it?”

"I, um, just wanted to thank you for doing what you did, even if it was just to save yourself," she said, stepping up to me.

"Well, I think I would have done it anyway," I said. "I promised Pinkie Pie, and if nothing else, I'm a changeling of my word."

"I thought so," Fluttershy said, before giving me a small peck on the cheek, and then running off with a squeak.

I rubbed the spot with a hoof, smiling to myself as I stepped out of the library. Princess Twilight stood out near the fountain in the center of town, gazing at me with an unreadable expression.

As I stepped closer, she spoke, "Null The Changeling, we finally meet face to face."

I slowed my pace, looking into her eyes as I walked, "So it really is you, then, Princess Twilight. You've become aware of all this."

Twilight nodded, and then her eyes widened as her gaze drifted to my side. I turned to see Trixie a few steps back to my right, her expression a mixture of nervousness and fright.

"Hi, Twilight," Trixie said softly.

"Trixie, why are you here? I usually only see you in... other dreams," Twilight faltered.

"I'm not just a dream, Twilight, I'm part of you, and you know that. I'm the guilt you feel for not reaching out to the real Trixie, for not being a friend when she really needed one!" Trixie belted out in a panicked rush.

Princess Twilight's eyes opened wide, looking back from Trixie to me, and then back again. "Impossible! This is all just a dream or a trick made by him!" she said, pointing her hoof at me, her voice sounding a little shaky.

"Everything here is a part of you, Twilight Sparkle," I said, giving her a stern look. "You are a powerful pony, and your magic can transform your inner thoughts, as well as your fears."

"You locked me away, Twilight," Trixie sniffed, "because you felt bad about what happened, and that you had failed as a friend, just like with Moondancer."

Twilight flinched visibly at the mention of that pony's name. "You don't understand. None of you do. I'm suppose to be this perfect friend, the perfect student, and now, a wise and powerful princess. I'm not allowed to fail, especially at friendship... "

"Just because you ignore what happened doesn't make it go away, Twilight," I said gently to her. "No pony is perfect. What really shows character isn't how many mistakes you make, but what you do afterwards."

Twilight sniffed, looking at my green eyes and black shell, and then said, "You know, Null, you'd make a good pony."

I chuckled at that, "We'll get to me in a minute, Princess Twilight, but first, don't you have something to say to somepony?"

Twilight's eyes widened, and then she smiled softly and nodded to me. Turning to Trixie, she approached her slowly, and then threw her hooves around the blue mare. Trixie gave a small 'eep' as she was pulled into a powerful princess hug.

"I'm sorry, Trixie, for everything you've been through," Twilight sniffled. "I'm going to make it up to you somehow, both here, and in the waking world."

As I watched the pair let their tears escape them, I saw Dream-Discord floating across the sky, piano in-tow. He played a wonderfully emotional song across its keys, and then looked up to give me a wink. I smirked at him, his knowing smile only slightly irritating me.

Leaving the pair of ponies to their own devices, I decided to head towards the dreams exit. Before I made it to the auditorium, Pinkie Pie caught up to me.

"Sooooo, you're going to visit us right?" She said hopefully, bouncing next to me as I walked.

"You mean here, in Twilight's mind?" I asked incredulously.

"Of course, silly billy, it gets kind of lonely since we're all technically different parts of Twilight."

"Ah, well, I guess I will if I get the chance, providing Twilight doesn't have me arrested or banished."

"You're silly, Null, you know that?" Pinkie said as we walked past the empty room of seats. "Twilight would never do that to a friend!"

"What?" I said in surprise, before Pinkie pushed me through the small portal I had entered through.

---

I opened my real eyes for the first time in many hours, my horn and head hurting from the mental focus. I was greeted by the sight of a smirking Twilight Sparkle, who was rolling out of bed.

"So, what are we going to do with you, Null?" she asked in an odd voice.

"Whatever you want, I guess," I answered simply. "I can't return to my hive, as I have failed my mission, so my life is forfeit.

"I wouldn't say that," Twilight said, looking at me seriously. "I'll tell you my greatest secret, if, and only if, you share what you've learned here with as many changelings as you can."

"Share what with them?" I asked, confused. Twilight gestured to her wings, and I automatically looked back at my own to see them changing into a shimmering silver.

"The magic of friendship, of course!" Twilight beamed at me.

Completely dumbfounded by this new development, I simply asked, "So what's the big secret?"

---

"What do you mean quesadillas!!” boomed Queen Chrysalis.