//------------------------------//
// Confession 
// Story: The Twilight Years 
// by Crimmar 
//------------------------------//

        “You’re going to rip out my mane!” Twilight cried out in distress.

        Raegdan was unaffected by her cries of distress and whimpers of pain. He kept at his task, ravaging the young mare’s scalp with no sign of mercy. No answer came out of his lips other than grunts as he brought waves of pain upon his young charge.

        “I’m fourteen!” Twilight said, searching for a way, any way, to stop him from torturing her. She opened her mouth to speak again, and water rushed in her mouth, almost reaching her lungs. She surfaced with a gasp, and screamed out. “I can bathe myself!”

        The deadly comb stopped its savage pulling for a moment. “If we don’t take out this gunk you magicked on yourself we’ll have to cut your mane,” Raegdan warned. He looked critically at the rest of her, submerged under the tub’s waters. “Then we have to deal with your coat too. You don’t want me to shave it, do you?”

        “Eeek!” Twilight yelled, mortified at the prospect of being so- so naked. Raegdan started pulling at her mane again, and she started screaming for her previous reasons once more.

        “You’re going to pull it all out! Be more gentle,” she demanded.

        “Then stop pulling away from me- damn it, this thing is worse than gum.” He turned back to the other person who was with them in the bathroom, and motioned them closer. “Little flame, stop sniggering and come help me. Here, take this disgusting clamp and… try to claw through it. I’ll try to clean her coat.”

        “Ok, dad,” Spike said, and dutifully started using his little, yet so sharp, claws, removing a tiny portion of the green sludge each time, each twang of a hair breaking making Twilight’s eyes go a little wider.

        Raegdan got hold of a loofah, threw it away after a weak shake, and got hold of a rough brush, with menacingly raised bristles, that looked more suitable for carpet cleaning. 

        “Ow! Ooow! Aaaaaoooww!”

        “Calm down. It’s not that bad,” Raegdan said in an amazing display of true parenthood.

        “It feels like you’re trying to skin me alive,” Twilight howled.

        Raegdan shook the brush in front of her muzzle. “It’s not getting off otherwise, little one. You’ll have to endure.” His hands sank back into the water, rubbing vigorously.

        “At least stop groping me like that!”

        There was a small, but strong, upwards eruption and Raegdan’s hands were out of the water in an instant, while Spike laughed.

        “I’m not doing anything of the like!” Raegdan shouted.

        “Yes, you are,” Twilight said, preferring to keep the accusation going rather than letting that horrible brush near her. “You’re holding me down and… you know, keep your fingers on my flank.”

        Unconsciously, Raegdan wiped his left hand against his trousers. “Are you trying to make me gnaw off my own hand?”

        Twilight muttered under her breath. “It’s not my fault you got a handful of-”

        “I swear, I’ll cut it off right now, and you can bathe in my blood!”

        Spike lift up the length of mane he was working on, giggling. “Might help take this off easier.”

        Raegdan started brushing Twilight’s filthy coat again. “Look, you’re not getting out of here until-”

        “You did it again!”

        Whether Raegdan’s face became a fiery red because of embarrassment or contained anger was up to anypony’s guess. “You’re not standing fu- freaking still!” he shouted over Spike’s raucous laughter.

        “This is a war crime!” Twilight screeched as the brush started moving ferociously across her sides once more.

        “Stand still and stop spraying water on me or I’ll show you all about war crimes!”

        A new voice sounded from inside Twilight’s room. “Hello? Is anypony here? I heard screaming.”

        “Heavens, who the hell is it-”

        “We’re in here,” Spike shouted.

        Twilight dunked herself under the water. “Don’t let them come in here!”

        Raegdan pulled her up again. “Don’t move away!”

        “My stars,  why all this commotion? Is somepony dying in here?” Blueblood said, stepping inside the bathroom.

        “Yes!” Twilight shouted, screaming immediately when she saw that Blueblood had come in, right in Raegdan’s unprotected ear. “Don’t come in!”

        “My ear!”

        “Eeeek!”

        “Whoah!” Spike shouted as he lost his balance and fell in the bathtub.

        “Little flame!” Raegdan shouted, rushing to pull the seven year old dragon out of the water.

        “Allow me to help y- augh!” Blueblood tried to approach the bathtub to help and was beat back -viciously- by Twilight’s flailing limbs.

        “Stay away!” Twilight yelled.

        The bathroom door was slammed open, letting Shining Armor inside, the young stallion looking fearful yet decisive. “Twily! Are you under attack? I’m here! I’m- Oh, hey. What’s all the commotion about?”

        “Gaaargh!” Raegdan hissed in pain. Spike’s scratching claws finally found purchase -on Raegdan’s skin- and he quickly scrambled out of the water.

        Shining Armor tried to make sense of what was happening. “Twi, what’s going in he-” TWANG! The young mare’s powerful magic flared in her frustration and anger and grabbed the first available item -the kitchen sink-, ripping it out of the wall, and used it to beat back the latest of her assaulters. Shining Armor stood dazed in place after the unexpected blow.

        “Goodnight.” Then he fell down.

        “Oh my Celestia! Will you all get out?” Twilight screamed, uncaring for the damage she was doing.

        Celestia’s head popped into the bathroom. “You called, Twilight? Oh my, what is all this commotion-”

        “OOOOUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!”

        It took some time for those cast out -literally- to figure out which limb belonged to who.

        “Who’s stepping on my back?” Blueblood asked.

        “Sorry,” Spike answered. “I’ll get down immediately.”

        “There’s somepony beneath me,” Celestia noticed.

        “That would be Shining Armor, auntie. Erm, is that you I’m lying on?”

        “Yes. I think I crushed Shining Armor. He’s not moving.”

        “Oh, he fell uncoscious just before you came in.”

        “Ah. Just as well. It would be better if he never knew where his face ended up.”

        “Auntie!”

        “I meant that I’m stepping on it. Blueblood?”

        “Yes, auntie?”

        “Get off?”

        “Right. Sorry, auntie.” Blueblood slid down over the side of the large Alicorn and looked around. “Aren’t we missing somepony?”

        Celestia looked around Twilight’s room, counting the bodies. “Oh yes. Raegdan. Of course, Twilight wouldn’t be able to push him out with her magic-”

        TWANG!

        “-But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have other means available,” Celestia finished without missing a beat.

        Raegdan stepped out of the bathroom, holding the side of his head with one hand. He half leaned back inside. “Fine, do it on your own, see if I care. I’m warning you though, if you don’t have this off in an hour then-”

        “OOOOOOUUUUUUUUUT!!!”

        “Holy-” Raegdan slammed the door close. There was a loud thump, and the sound of breaking porcelain.

        “I guess Twilight is not available for today’s lesson then,” Celestia observed.

        “Yeah, but don’t mention that too loud,” Raegdan said, sitting down on a stool and nursing his aching head. “She’ll jump out of the tub the moment she hears you. Let her clean up.”

        “I suppose I can call it an early day then,” Celestia said, seeing the upside quickly enough. She looked down at herself. She had been hit with quite a spray of water, not enough to drench her, but there was a wet sheen on her. “I should probably go take a bath myself.”

        Celestia rose up and headed for the door, opening it with her magic. “It’s not every day I get rough handled like that. See you tomorrow, Raegdan. Goodnight.” Celestia turned her head forward and froze in surprise.

        Cadance was looking at her with wide eyes, her pupils as small as pins, and her mouth a veritable flytrap.

        Celestia looked down at herself again. Her feathers were in disarray, her coat tarnished, and she looked like she had ran a marathon.

        Her mind replayed in stereo, with extra reverb, what she said as she opened the door.

        “Oops.”

        “Oh my gosh!” Cadance shouted.

        “Cadance-”

        “That’s Twilight’s room!” she shouted in accusation, and flew away, screaming.

        “No, Cadance, wait, everypony will think the castle’s haunted again-” Celestia ran after her niece.

        Raegdan closed the door behind her, sighing. “I know who’s gonna get bit in the ass when that comes back around. Come on little flame, Blueblood. Let’s see if we can get Shining Armor back on his legs.”

        It didn’t take much all considered. A few shakes, a couple of slaps, and a gentle whisper in his ear was all it took to bring Shining Armor back to the land of the living.

        “Your mom’s here.”

        “I’m up! I’m up!” I’m fine, I want to go for a walk!”

        Raegdan gave him another slap, one that he felt much sharper now that he was awake. “Relax, you big baby. Velvet’s not here, don’t soil yourself. Wuss.”

        Spike looked up at his adopted father. “You’re serious, aren’t you? You meant that.”

        Raegdan ignored him. “Why did you come here anyway?”

        “Huh? Oh. Right. Yes.” Shining Armor shook his head and stood up. “It’s about Cadance actually. She’s been a real mess lately and I wondered if you could help me- hey!”

        Raegdan had picked him up, lifting him high over his head. “Open the door, little flame!” Spike rushed to do as he said, barely opening the door in time before Shining Armor sailed through, screaming.

        The biped walked to the threshold. “Sports store. Balls. Then fix your own damn problems with Cadance!” He slammed the door and put his forehead against it, resting for a moment against the madness that assailed him.

        “Uhh… Raegdan?” Blueblood said shyly. “I have an issue of intimate nature I would like your help with- Oh Celestia, please, reallyithastobeyoupleasedon’thitme!”

        Raegdan dropped the chair and crouched in front of him, staring in his eyes, and Blueblood could only see murder reflected in them, despite his wishes for something else. “Why?”

        “It’s… personal. Can young Spike leave us alone for-”

        “Meh,” Spike said, shrugging. He headed for the door. “I’ll go make sure Shining Armor is ok and make him get me some ice cream. See you later, dad.”

        “You eat ice cream, you don’t get dessert ton-” The door closed before Raegdan had time to finish. “Ah, who am I kidding. He always gets dessert. Alright, we’re alone. Speak.”

        Blueblood sat down on a chair and took a deep breath, trying desperately to calm his beating heart. It didn’t work. “You know of course that I do not hold my father’s approval.”

        “So? What do you need it for?” Raegdan asked. He checked the shirt he wore -that had gotten considerably wet- and headed for Twilight’s bed. “It’s not like it matters to you anyway.”

        “It has been easier the last couple of months. He has locked himself in his manor and refuses to leave. Which suits me just fine,” he quickly amended, noticing Raegdan’s suspicious look. Raegdan went back to reaching under Twilight’s bed.

        He got off his knees holding a small satchel. A change of clothes was soon pulled out of it and was ready for him to wear. “You’re not really telling me anything I don’t know.”

        “I’ve never told you one of the greatest reasons why.”

        “Because you like stallions?” Raegdan asked.

        “You knew?” Blueblood asked in shock.

        “Celestia told me.” Raegdan glanced back. “You don’t mind, do you? She had her reasons for telling me.”





        “Blueblood keeps “running accidentally” into us. Just so you know, if he plans on making a move on Twilight I’m castrating him.”

        “He’s gay!” Celestia rushed to say, hoping that would be enough to preserve her nephew’s plumbing.





        “No, that’s acceptable. Auntie knows best,” Blueblood said, licking his dry lips. “It makes the next part easier at least.”

        Raegdan started pulling his shirt off. “Which is?”

        “I… was wondering if you’d find it acceptable to go out with me for a cup of coffee or-”

        Raegdan stopped midway of taking off his shirt, and then, very slowly and deliberately, put it back on. He turned around. “What?”

        “I asked if you-”



        “I. Said. OOOOUUUUUUUUT!” Twilight screamed, and let loose with her magic once more. Blueblood didn’t even have enough time to gain his bearings from his rough landing on the bathroom tiles before Twilight’s magic overtook him, and turned him into a leaf in the hold of a massive storm.

        The flight ended at the opposite wall. He barely had time to shake his head, trying to straighten the world that suddenly shook so much, when two hands grabbed him and threw him out of the room. The door slammed inches from his face.

        He was looked at it with a heavy weight on his heart when it swiftly opened up again. Raegdan crouched in front of him. At least he thought so. He was still lying on his back and was very, very dazed, so his perspective was highly suspect at the moment.

        “A quick reminder; Cadance is the pony you’re supposed to talk about for this stuff, not me. The next time one of you white coated idiots comes to me for something similar, I’m slitting a throat. Yours, mine, I’m not picky.” He stood up and went back inside.

        Raegdan moved to close the door, but paused for a moment. “On a side note, no offence, but I’m not interested. See you tomorrow.” He closed the door.

        Blueblood slowly got up and brushed his coat. He made himself as presentable as he could under the circumstances. He took a deep breath and smiled. At least it was over with, and it ended better than he thought. Good enough. Maybe now he could move on. He wondered if Shining Armor really had a thing going with Princess Cadance or if that was just a front.



        “Alright, Twilight. Time’s up.”

        “Wait! I almost got it off on my own!”

        “What the- You’re covered in it. How did… Heavens, don’t tell me you cast it again?”

        “I- I thought I could reverse it-”

        “Crap. It will take us all night to take it off. Stand still.”

        “Nooooooooooo!”