"You said what to Celestia?"
Prince Blueblood could not help but grit his teeth when Popinjay spoke. Not only because the insufferable fop's voice was the most annoying sound he had ever heard in his entire life, but because he had committed that most horrific of faux pas; speaking the name of Blueblood's aunt without first saying the word 'Princess', making sure to pronounce the capital letter of course.
The fact that he was the only pony in the room who seemed offended at this was even greater cause for teeth-grinding.
"I told her that I'd be happy to donate to the orphanage, as long as she agreed to soak her mane in kitten blood!"
It had been nauseating enough hearing it the first time, but hearing it repeated was almost enough to make Blueblood throw up. Thankfully, he managed to swallow his bile and keep up the mask of aloof disinterest in the goings-on of the Canterlot aristocracy.
"And what did she say to that?" Popinjay asked, a little too enthusiastically for Blueblood's liking.
"Oh, you just won't believe it!" Arbitrary Investment tittered, his reprehensible smile putting Blueblood in mind of a pearly white banana. "She actually had the gall to turn me out of court!"
Amidst the amateurish fake gasps, Blueblood's carefully honed social instincts detected an opening. "Well, I never! A pony dismissed for open contempt of court? What will that old mare think of next?"
The prince held back a shudder as the attention of everypony shifted to him, and he did his best to hide the swelling of his chest as they all silently swung around to supporting him. Of the many things he detested about Canterlot life, he hated how easily one could win the crowd to one's side with a few choice words.
"Precisely my point!"
The world froze, or felt as though it should have. Any amount of background chatter amongst those listening ceased entirely as the complete lack of sarcasm in Arbitrary's words registered. Most of the aristocrats had never seen anything so horrifying as that pony's face, simply because he so clearly believed he was in the right.
Blueblood could have sworn he heard axes being sharpened. But regardless of the stage being set for war, he preferred the slow approach.
"I'm sorry, I don't quite follow." Technically, the statement was true. It was only his tone of feigned innocence that was fake.
"Well, honestly, if she's going to go on and on about how she isn't a god and she's no different from any of us, where does she get off on suddenly turning around and declaring some speech unfit for her presence? She can't tear down the churches but still have the worship!"
Blueblood almost retched at what he was hearing. "You really told the Princess of Equestria to go and soak her head in kitty blood, and expected her to waive all consequences?"
"Why wouldn't I? It's not as if it's blasphemy or anything!"
Sweet Granny Smith on an ice cream tricycle, he's actually serious. "Whether she's a god or not doesn't enter into it. You told the ruler of a nation to soak her head in cat blood."
The only thing more unsightly than Arbitrary Investment looking sure of himself was Arbitrary Investment looking indignantly confused. "I'm sorry, haven't you been listening to all the drivel she's been spouting this past decade? She wants us to see her as approachable, relatable, common. Frankly, I'd say it's more disrespectful to treat her any different just because she raises the sun!"
Blueblood actually heard someone mutter "he can't possibly be this stupid" in the background. He allowed himself a mental smile at that. "Is that all you think she does?"
"Isn't it?"
I swear, I will gladly give up everything I have ever had if you just let me kill him. "No. No it isn't. Why do you think she holds court if literally all she does is raise and lower the sun?" The prince couldn't stop his voice from rising, and honestly, he wasn't in the mood to try. "Where do you think our laws come from?"
Arbitrary defaulted to his insufferably confident face. "From the Senate, obviously."
"The Senate." Blueblood tried to ignore the howling laughter rattling inside of his skull. "You mean that gaggle of glorified lawyers who have been promoted so many times and lived so long that they're not allowed to persecute or defend because they'd make the trial unfair? The old farts stuck on permanent jury duty because they're too good at their jobs, and you think they are the source of all your laws?"
"Well, they obviously used to be younger." I will give you the names of every cultist in Equestria if you let me stab him. "I always figured she kept them around in case she ever needed a law revised." I'll teach you how to counter-summon demons, just please rip out his tongue. "I mean, it's not as if she actually does anything."
Blueblood took a very brief break from holding back the demon locked inside his brain to glance around at his growing entourage (and he could consider them an entourage, because nobody was on Arbitrary's side at this point). They were all just barely holding themselves back from tearing this fop a new one, and he noticed some unicorns actively restraining their fellows with subtle magical restraints. For a moment, he almost admired the aristocracy.
"Tell me, Arbitrary, have you ever visited another nation? One that isn't Equestria, and doesn't recognize Celestia's authority?"
"No, of course not!" Arbitrary spat those words, and Blueblood had to catch the spit before it landed on his lovely tie.
"What do you think the king of the griffons does, if he doesn't have to worry about moving the sun?"
"I'd wager he sits around, shoving his gob full of disgusting meat and laying about with wenches. When he isn't leading one of those beastly wars, of course."
"And that's all you think the ruler of a nation does? Lead wars, look pretty and mooch off everything their kingdom produces?"
"Well, obviously. It's how I'd run a country."
The crowd broke. Blueblood's magic flared, and the stampede stopped, the nobles floating up into the air as gravity decided it was done dealing with them for now. He and Arbitrary, though, remained very firmly on the ground. Arbitrary opened his mouth to speak, but Blueblood's magic lashed out and shut him up.
"No. No more talking from you. If we let you talk any longer, you'll probably say something like you think 'Princess' is part of her name, and not her job description." Blueblood let out a deep, emphatic sigh. "Let me see if I can make this as... monosyllabic as possible. Princess Celestia has lived for thousands of years. Half of the culture in this room was invented, refined or redefined by her. She is the one who came up with taxes, and rent, and the bit. She was here when Canterlot was nothing but a shanty town, and she will be here when we are all ash."
Blueblood grabbed the buffoon and pulled him closer, until he could have whispered and Arbitrary would have heard. Of course, he kept his voice just as loud.
"And because she has been around for so long, and because she basically invented the concept of civilization, and because she has never steered us wrong, she is in charge. And as the pony in charge, she has the authority to order your properties seized, your assets liquidated, your name expunged, and your body never to be found again." Blueblood allowed himself a small, mirthless smile. "She also has the authority to make sure that your servants commandeer your itinerary and make sure that you aren't able to realize any of this until you're locked in a room with your executioner."
Arbitrary Investment was then intimately introduced to the foundations of Prince Blueblood's family home. He was then dragged back up to the level of everypony else, and Blueblood glared into his quickly dimming eyes.
"Put simply," he growled, "Princess Celestia does not have to be a god to command your respect."