//------------------------------// // Epilogue // Story: A Basket, A Blanket, and a Bundle of Bills // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// Basking in the warm glow of the sun, his stomach full of tea, buttery cucumber sandwiches, and biscotti, Copperquick had a moment of quiet reflection to be thankful for all that he had. He faced an uncertain future, but that wasn’t so bad. Whatever the future was going to be, he wasn’t facing it alone. Buttermilk would be there with him, along with Mrs. Velvet, and waiting in the wings, sometimes unseen, would be Princess Cadance, who was building an army of social workers, therapists, and like-minded associates willing to help her achieve her vision for Equestria. Esmeralda sat on a blanket spread over the grass staring at a fountain that gushed water into decorative geysers. She was small, cute, and in need of a nap. Even now, she wobbled, but resisted falling over and going to sleep. And who could blame her? The day was almost perfect. Not far away, Twilight Velvet sat on a bench, writing something in a ledger. She had brought her work with her and Copperquick knew that she was planning another hostile takeover. Several actually. Copperquick had listened to her with his full attention as she laid out some of her plans during their time together, with himself and Miss Oddbody working as her chosen pawns in the field. At some point, Buttermilk Oddbody recovered her happiness and her confidence. She was flitting about the small park, chasing after bugs and dandelion fluff, all while shouting “WEEEEEEEEE!” a whole lot. “Agent Bowler, tell me, how would you feel about a trip to Manehattan?” Twilight Velvet asked with a wry smile on her face. “Some of the dole offices there could use a thorough shakedown. There are problems all over.” “So, wait, you want me to just walk in and apply for help in other places?” Copperquick felt a growing sense of alarm as he looked at Twilight Velvet, and realised that she was serious. His fantastic mood was somewhat spoiled when he thought about all of the potential unpleasantness that was sure to be found in his near future. “Ponyville has a far more relaxed bureaucracy,” Twilight Velvet said, mostly to herself as she bowed her head back down and continued to write in her ledger. “I still plan to send you there though. My daughter, Twilight, she wishes to speak to you.” “Oh.” Copperquick realised that Mrs. Velvet was once more lost in her work and was now oblivious to the world around her. Squinting in the sun, he looked over at Miss Oddbody, who was flying over to him. “Hello, Agent Bun.” “Agent Bowler, how pleasant to see you.” Miss Oddbody landed and settled in the grass beside Copperquick. “I have a proposition for you, Agent Bowler.” “Is that so, Agent Bun?” “Oh, very much so, Agent Bowler.” Miss Oddbody began tittering. “Spring break is coming. I plan to go home and see my parents. Try and see if I can smooth things out with them. I would very much like for you to come home with me and meet them.” “Um, Agent Bun, isn’t that counterproductive? I mean, you want to smooth things out with them, but bringing me home with you, that is bound to cause a kerfuffle. I mean, I can see it now, ‘Mom, Dad, here is this nice pony I’m dating, he had a daughter with an exotic dancer and now he is raising her after her mother flew away to Las Pegasus.’ I am positive that shall go over in a splendid manner.” “Hrm, well, when you put it that way, Agent Bowler…” Reaching up with her hoof, Miss Oddbody tapped her chin and looked thoughtful. “Moomy, Daddums, here is the nice pony I’ve been cohabiting with—” “Egads, mare, do you want me to live?” Copperquick asked. From where she sat on the bench, Twilight Velvet started snickering. “Agent Fedora thinks this is hilarious.” Miss Oddbody glanced over at Twilight Velvet and then returned her full attention to Copperquick. “Come home with me. Some time in the country will do you good. You can get caught up on your school work over spring break and maybe bring your grades up a bit. I’ll get a chance to watch my Moomy freak out when Esmeralda calls me ‘Mama.’ My parents will absolutely love having some burro culture in their home.” “Madam, you are no deadpan snarker,” Copperquick deadpanned. More chortles could be heard from the mare on the park bench. “Come home with me and I’ll show you my wingspan.” Miss Oddbody gave Copperquick an owlish stare through her oversized square glasses. Turning her head, she looked over at Twilight Velvet. “Help me, Agent Fedora.” Without looking up from her work, she replied, “Agent Bowler, go home with Agent Bun and give her butter a thorough churning. Just use protection this time. Don’t be stupid. Do you need an adult to sit down with you and explain how this works? I can even draw helpful pictures and diagrams. With the invention of flavoured condoms, it is now much easier for pegasus ponies and earth ponies to don the protection they need. No more excuses, Agent Bowler.” Now red as a cherry, Miss Oddbody stared down at the grass. “Well, that was not the help I had in mind.” “I don’t know what I expected her to say. Certainly not that.” His own cheeks blazing and bright red, Copperquick found that he could not even look at Miss Oddbody, not without thinking about churning some sweet, creamy butter. “You know, Agent Bun, I am half tempted to take her up on her offer, just to see what she has to say.” “Don’t you dare!” Miss Oddbody said as her wings buzzed. “Buttermilk, I would love to come home with you during spring break… if you’ll have me.” “I’ll have you any way I can get you.” Miss Oddbody paused, her face turned even redder, and she let out a gasp. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.” The flustered pegasus scooted a little closer to the still blushing earth pony and she smiled as she bit her lip. “Things will work out fine.” Copperquick grinned. “We get to tell your parents that we are Crown appointed agents…” “Hmm, yes we do, Agent Bowler.” “I find you very attractive, Agent Bun.” “That’s quite enough, Agent Bowler.” Without a doubt, the future was uncertain… but interesting.