//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: A Clean Bill of Health // Story: Red Vs Blue: Epsilon in Equestria // by The Sentient Cloud //------------------------------// The UNSC Archives: The Memory Unit lay on the floor, its small lights flickering and waning. Simmons was crouched on the floor next to it, watching a readout scroll by on a field computer. He looked up at the others. “This thing is really beat up.” He reported grimly. “ It’s suffering from some major power fluctuations.” “Damn it Caboose!” Sarge turned to the man in question. “Do ya’ know how much we went through to get him outta there?” “Yes. I was there.” Caboose replied with nothing short of complete sincerity. “No, Caboose. Do ya-“ “10.” “What?” “Give it a rest, Sarge.” Washington crouched down next to the unit. “He’s not going to understand.” “This is ridiculous.” Carolina snapped. “We don’t have time for this. How long will it take to get him out again?” “How should I kno-” Simmons cut himself short as Carolina’s glare was turned towards him. “I, uh… I mean… We should, uh, well - A couple of hours. I hope.” The room was silent for a moment, everyone waiting for Carolina’s response. She stared at Simmons for a few seconds, the scenario not helped by the fact that her helmet visor itself was constantly shaped like it was glaring. “Then we’ll need to find somewhere safer to work on it.” As if to emphasize her point, Grif shouted “Grenade!” from outside the door, followed shortly afterwards by an explosion. Carolina looked around at the room at the collected soldiers, each one of them – save Caboose – standing in place nervously. “He’s our last chance at finding the Director. Get him out of there, or…” The rest went without saying. Carolina turned and walked out to the barricade, leaving the rest of them with the Memory Unit. *** Ponyville Hospital: The mirror slipped out from between Church’s hooves, falling to the ground and shattering. Church himself ignored it, instead staring at his hooves, and then feeling his face. “A horse. I’m a horse.” He tapped the side of his horse. “How am I a horse?” “Well o’ course yer a pony.” The orange horse raised an eyebrow, which Church was sure horses didn’t have. “What else would you be?” Her comment went unacknowledged, as Church continued talking to himself. “And I’m talking. Horses don’t talk. People talk! Horses don’t fucking talk.” Church continued staring at his hooves, while the purple horse turned to one of the others, this one wearing a white doctor’s coat over his actual light-amber one. “Doctor Stables, is he okay?” “Hmm…” The horse squinted at Church. “It looks like he might be suffering from Retrograde Amnesia. We’ll need to run a few checks. If he has a concussion, then it’s more than possible.” Doctor Stables cautiously stepped up to the bed. “Excuse me, sir? Are you feeling alright?” Church stopped looking at his hooves, and instead turned his attention to the unicorn standing next to him. “What do you want? What the hell is going on here?” Church tried to clear his head, fighting against waves of pain. “Please tell me this is a fucking prank.” “This is no prank. You’ve had a nasty fall, and you’re in the hospital.” Stables spoke clearly and softly, giving off an air of comfort. “Do you remember your name?” “A nasty fall?” Church briefly recalled hurtling towards the ground, and a blue horse- “You!” He suddenly cried out, turning his attention to the blue horse with wings. “You were there! You caught me!” “Yeah, and you kept squirm-“ “Yes.” Stables spoke again, drawing Church’s attention back to him. “This is Rainbow Dash. If it weren’t for her, you’d be dead now. Can you tell us why you were falling?” “Why I was…” Church thought back to Caboose, and entering the memory unit. “I… I got sucked into the Memory Unit. Caboose…” Stables glanced at Rainbow Dash, who shrugged. “Okay, can you tell us your name?” “My name?” Church asked uncomprehendingly, dragged out of his reverie. “Yes. Do you remember it?” “Stop talking like that.” Church snapped. “My name is Church.” “Good.” Stables continued, still speaking like before. “So why did you say you were falling?” Church looked at the seven horses, all of them wearing confused expressions. “I…” He started, before changing his mind. “I don’t remember.” “You said something about a memory…” Stables gestured with his hoof, motioning for Church to continue.” “I… uh… I did?” Church’s mind was racing. He was in the Memory unit, right? “I didn’t know what I was talking about.” “Okay…” Stables frowned uncertainly, before backing away. “We’ll leave you alone for a little while. Let you gather your thoughts.” Church looked away from the seven horses as they all filed out, trying to bury his face in the bed sheets. But no matter how much he tried not to, Church kept opening his eyes, and looking at his hooves. *** Stables closed the door behind them as they collected outside in the hall. “So? Rainbow Dash took off and started hovering in the air. “What’s wrong with him?” Doctor Stables looked back at the door to Church’s room. “As far as I an tell, nothing. We fixed up all his injuries with magic, and he isn’t showing many signs of Amnesia. Just a small amount of memory loss, and that’s to be expected from a fall from that height.” “Wait, so he’s fine?” Twilight was perplexed. “As far as I can tell.” Stables also looked confused. “He’s perfectly healthy.” “He doesn’t think ponies can talk!” Rarity exclaimed. “That seems like a very serious problem to me.” “We don’t have any way to treat that. By our standards, he’s fine…” Stables trailed off. “What?” Applejack squinted at Doctor Stables. “Well… I hate to tell you, but we aren’t allowed to keep healthy ponies at the hospital. If we can’t find a problem with him, he’ll have to leave.” “But he clearly isn’t healthy!” Twilight exclaimed. “You can’t just kick him out!” “I know that, Miss Sparkle.” Stables said in a half irritated, half defensive tone. “But the law is the la-“ A small device on his shirt beeped, and the voice of one of the many nurses came through. “Doctor Stables, you’re needed in the ER.” “Oh, I…” Stables looked at the six distressed ponies. “I’m sorry. This is important.” He turned and cantered down the hall, heading towards the Emergency Room. “What are we gonna do yall?” Applejack said concernedly. “He doesn’t even remember that he’s a pony!” “We can’t just let them shove him out on the streets. It wouldn’t be safe.” Twilight replied, looking to the others for support. “One of us will need to look after him.” “Wait, what?” Rainbow set back down on the floor. “We don’t know him. He could be dangerous.” “Come on, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity chided. “He doesn’t even know that he’s a pony. What harm could he possibly do?” “A lot!” Rainbow exclaimed. “He fell from the sky, and he’s a unicorn!” “I’m sure there’s a good explanation.” Twilight replied, placing one hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder to calm her. “You need to give him a chance.” “I... I agree with the others.” Fluttershy said quietly. “He needs help…” Rainbow looked at the other ponies, exasperated. “Well, I guess it’s decided.” She huffed grumpily. The only one who hasn’t- wait, where is Pinkie?” As if on cue, Pinkie came bouncing around the corner, holding a large stack of sweets on her back. “Hey guys! She cried happily. “I found the snack machine!” *** Church looked around his hospital room. It was small, with only his bed, a night stand, a wardrobe, and a wrap-around curtain for the bed. “Okay… Okay…” Church had been saying that for the past thirty seconds. “This is the Memory Unit. It isn’t real. It isn’t fucking real…” And at the same time, he realized that he couldn’t get out. He would have to wait until they could open up the unit again. How long that would take was a different matter. “Why… Why is this a horse world?” He muttered. “Of all the places that I have to fucking play along with, it had to be a horse world.” “A lot!” One of the horses outside exclaimed, giving Church a small fright, and immediately wasting all the effort that had gone into calming himself down. "No, no-no-no." He started up again. "Horses aren't meant to talk. They don't have fucking eyebrows. This is fucking ridiculous!"