“Okay, everypony, we can do this if we stick together. Equestria is falling down a bit, we’re having a bit of a rough patch, but that is all the more reason to put on a good show. We need to show the world that life must go on, even with hardship and trouble.” Princess Celestia took a deep breath and let it all out in a slow, steady exhale.
Staring at the double doors, Gosling also took a deep breath, then, in a low voice, he admitted to the others, “I’m a little scared.”
“We all get a little scared sometimes,” Celestia replied.
“We do not.” Luna, looking grim, glared upwards at her sister.
“Luna, when you returned, you were terrified of the vacuum—”
“‘TIS A LIE!”
“—the electric toaster spooked you—”
“LIAR!”
“—and you ran away shrieking when the toilet was demonstrated.”
Luna made no response, but turned away from her sister and gnawed her lip. Gosling, who knew better, didn’t even crack a smile. Oh, later, he would crack a smile, later, when it was safe, and Luna was nowhere to be found, he would crack a smile, he might even laugh, but not now. For now, he put his guard training to the test and kept a straight face.
“Princess Cellophane?”
Arching an eyebrow, a wry smile manifesting, Celestia looked down at Gosling, who somehow had a straight face as he addressed her. She couldn’t do anything about what he had just said now, but later… oh, later, she was going to get him, and get him good. “What?” she asked, and was more than a little galled when Luna started sniggering.
“Are you sure you want to walk in the middle of Luna and I when we make our big entrance?”
“Yes, why? I am the tallest. The two of you are smaller. We shall present a pyramid of power upon our grand entrance, and use geometry to wow the masses.” Princess Celestia beamed, she had this all figured out and she was good to go.
“Yeah, well, I’m worried,” Gosling whispered.
“About what?” Celestia asked.
Turning his head, he looked up at the taller alicorn that stood between him and Luna. “I’m worried that the ‘masses’ as you call them will see you as coming between Luna and I. Keeping us apart. I worry that Luna will pick up on this and feel left out. And I fear that Luna will develop yet another complex, as our therapist calls it.”
“Oh dear,” Celestia gasped.
“Oooh, Goose brings up an issue that none of the royal planners thought of.”
“Goose?” Celestia looked down at her sister.
“When a foal grows up, you call it a pony,” Luna replied, “and when a gosling grows up, you call it a goose.” The blue alicorn began snickering to herself and avoided her sister’s heavy gaze. “Remind me again, what are we paying our royal planners for?”
“Well, they have cutie marks for this sort of thing and it is impossible for them to find work doing much else. They have to be employed somehow, we owe them that.” Celestia, looking troubled, gave herself a quick shake and then tried to smooth her feathers out using her magic. “Right, Gosling, if you will, please, stand between my sister and I. Also, no matter what you do, do not think about how the public might see this, as you coming betwixt my sister and I.”
Clearing his throat, Gosling asked, “Did you just slip into Ye Olden Speech?”
“Stress, Goose, stress. I’m feeling it. Now, quiet you, before I decide that you are a little Gosling again, and as such, should be sat on.” Princess Celestia did everything she could to try and hide the fact that she had the jitters. Gosling’s observations on public perception had left her more shaken than she cared to admit.
“Oooh, Goose, look out, mine sister, Princess Cellophane, she has many cakes stored in her caboose—”
“Why you little imp!” Celestia, turning on her sister, let out an indignant whinny and sent Gosling scooting away as her wings unfurled. When Luna stuck her tongue out, Celestia let out an exasperated sigh, rolled her eyes, and let Luna have her fun.
Gosling, the dutiful sort that he was, took his place in between the two sisters, if only to keep some distance between them. He looked over at Luna, smiled, and then up at Celestia. He gave her a saucy wink and felt his confidence soar. Mindful of his appearance, he checked his black doublet, looking for wrinkles, lint, or out of place hairs. After a good once over, he found that he was still immaculate. Each of his little lanterns were in order. His collar, trimmed in Celestial Gold and Lunar Purple, was perfect. Each of his brass buttons had a perfect mirror finish.
“Be majestic,” Celestia said to herself in a low voice.
Lifting her head, Luna smiled a regal smile, and she too, gave herself a reminder. “Be bold.”
With a glance at his own wings, Gosling quipped, “Be pretty.”
And with that, Celestia threw the doors open.
Gosling didn’t even have the luxury of squinting when he walked into the blinding lights. What seemed like a million cameras flashed, obscuring his vision and searing his eyes. Celestia had warned him about this and he had to keep a perfect, flawless face somehow as his retinas were scorched. Horns blared and he had to keep his ears, now left sensitive by his condition, still as a statue, even with the pain. He had to maintain pegasus perfection.
Head high, he faced his adoring public, but had trouble seeing them through the white spots in his vision. There were gasps, cheers, cries, and hoots. The sound of armor rang out as many guards snapped to attention. Just the sound of so many ponies breathing all in one space was almost deafening.
Nearby was Fancy Pants and his wife, Fleur Dis Lee, a pony that Gosling had met and spoke to only for a moment. Seville was near the couple and he was burdened down with a filming rig to hold his movie camera. Princess Cadance was approaching and she was wearing a fabulous lavender gown trimmed in pink and white pearls.
Princess Twilight Sparkle was wearing a simple, understated yellow dress that made her look fantastic. She stood with her brother, Prince Shining Armor, her mother, Twilight Velvet, and her father, Night Light. Of Flurry Heart there was no sign. Gosling turned to face Princess Cadance as she drew nearer.
“We have a complication,” Princess Cadance said in a muted whisper as she came to a halt. “General Chesty McPuller has arrived and he demands the right to give you away, as he is the highest ranking member of the guard.”
“Oh dear.” Princess Celestia’s ears splayed out sideways and a cautious look of worry appeared upon her face. “He’s a hard one too.”
“There he is, the hardest earth pony to have ever lived.” Princess Luna pressed up against Gosling’s side and visible worry could be seen upon her face. “I could try to talk to him, maybe see if I can dissuade him—”
“No, ladies, I have this.” Gosling used his wing to adjust his collar, then pulled away from between the princesses. He moved with slow, measured steps, a walk he learned from his time with rotten balance from messed up ears. The walk served him well now, as he looked both majestic and regal.
Chesty was walking towards him and Gosling kept his cool, knowing that the old pony wouldn’t spoil the princesses' big night. He was trusting his fellow guard to do the right thing. Chesty McPuller was a good pony, the best pony, and he was loved by the guard. The old stallion was olive drab green and his mane was the colour of putty. He was covered from ear to hoof in scars, including a downright sphincter clenching one on his neck.
“Lantern Specialist Gosling, reporting for duty, Sir.” Gosling came to a full halt, stood at attention, and saluted with his wing. He then stood there, stock still, unmoving, and waiting for Chesty to respond. He would stand here all night, if necessary, because that is what one did when dealing with Chesty.
Gosling was terrified. He was dealing with the pony that had once gone into a manticore den, armed only with a stick of dynamite, a match, and a standard issue hoof trimmer. No one was quite sure what took place inside the cave, but the manticore seemed to have suffered an explosion focused on its rear end.
Squinting through one weathered eye, Chesty began to look Gosling over, and his ears twitched as he looked the colt up and down. “Eh, well, my girls deserve somepony they can look at. You ain’t much, but you’ll do.” The old stallion’s voice sounded as though he gargled with whiskey sours every morning and every night before bed. “I understand that you are the one that sent me Private Skyfire Flash.”
Gosling began sweating beneath his wings and under his doublet. “Sir, yes I—”
“Stop calling me sir.”
“Right, Commander—”
“Call me Chesty, son.”
“Right, Chesty. I encouraged her to join the guard and do right.”
“You did a good thing, Rubber Duckie. I like her. I like her a lot. With some polish, she’s gonna be somepony. You did right by this pony’s guard by getting her to join. I’m gonna make something of her, just like something was made of you.” Chesty grinned, revealing a smile that was missing a few teeth. “Tell me, Rubber Duckie… do you think you are worthy of my pretty girls that I’ve spent my whole life protecting?”
Right away, Gosling knew this was a trap. If he said no, he was doomed. If he said yes, he was doomed. Chesty had just given him the ogre’s choice. Die fast, or die slow. Almost panicking, Gosling tried to think of an answer or some means to wiggle out of this. Every second mattered.
“Chesty McPuller, I am one of your sons, a pony in this pony’s guard. I have fought and bled for you, the honour of this guard, for this nation, and for the princesses, which I serve. I think the better question is, do you think your little girls are worthy of me? I am the son that your guard created in your image.”
Chesty McPuller’s eyes narrowed into slits as he got right up into Gosling’s face. His snoot bumped into Gosling’s, and the two stallions stood there, eye to eye. Chesty’s ears flickered around, pivoted, and his wrinkled, wizened expression became a ferocious scowl. Snorting, Chesty’s tail flicked from side to side, swatting at invisible flies. A low growl could be heard in his throat.
And then he said, “Not sure about the white one, she’s trouble, but the blue one will do you right if you do her right. You have balls, Rubber Duckie. Some poor recruit is going to be assigned to cart duty to help you carry those two big brass balls of yours around.” The old stallion turned and looked at the two sisters for a moment and it appeared that he was chewing on lemons. “Give me your word, Rubber Duckie.”
“Chesty, I give you my word as a pegasus, I will do right by your girls.”
“Aye.” Chesty nodded and backed away. “Watch out for the white one. Like I said, she’s the troublesome one, but I love her a great deal.” Chesty raised his hoof in a ground pounder's salute. “I’ll be checking up on you, Rubber Duckie. And thank you again for the new recruit. A stallion my age needs hobbies.”
“I’ll do my best to send more your way, Chesty.” Gosling relaxed his salute and smiled.
“Do it, and I’ll pay you in brass polish,” Chesty replied. “Now, if you will excuse me, Rubber Duckie, but I have me a powerful thirst, and there is an open bar here. A stallion has to keep his priorities straight.”
“Thank you, Chesty.” Beaming, Gosling stood there, looking and feeling very pleased with himself as the old earth pony sauntered off to have himself a drink. Turning his head, he saw the sisters, both of whom were smiling and looked relieved. He also saw Seville, and realised that the whole thing had just been filmed.
Overcome with confidence, Gosling decided it was time for an impromptu wingspan display.
“Okay, before there are any other unexpected complications, we should do the engagement announcement.” Cadance looked a little frazzled. “Chesty had me scared… I was completely unaware that he had the authority to do what he did. He ambushed me and gave me an earful like I’ve never had before about military tradition and protocol. Poor Shiny almost fell apart.”
“I did not.” Shining Armor turned his head away and found something interesting to look at, which just so happened to be his sister Twilight, who was giggling. The white stallion turned pink with embarrassment, then he began to mutter and grumble to himself about the time that Chesty sacked a city all by himself, armed only with a scroll of surrender and a quill.
Gosling knew this story, it involved the enemy general signing in his own blood, because Chesty had forgot the inkwell. He also knew it to be categorically true, because he himself had seen the newspaper archives with his own eyes. Chesty had served as his own catapult and had bombarded the city with boulders.
“Okay, okay, let’s do this. We can do this.” Princess Cadance smiled and let out a nervous huff. “Everypony take their places. We all know what we are doing, so let’s do this. Places please!” The pink alicorn let out a nervous laugh as the ponies around her went about doing what needed to be done.
Princess Celestia stood side by side with her sister, Princess Luna, and both of them had broad smiles upon their faces. A large white earth pony stood near Celestia, a pony that Gosling did not know, but thought that could be mistaken for Celestia’s sister. Twilight hurried over to stand near Luna, and Twilight, who smelled like champagne, could not stop tittering.
The tension grew and Gosling was starting to feel a little too warm. The air conditioning needed to be turned up and he didn’t care if it turned sensitive places on mares into glass cutters. He focused his attention on Celestia, who was wearing a gown with every colour of the sunrise and festooned with sequins. Luna was wearing something simple, black, and slinky.
Every eye was on him. Every camera was focused on him. Gosling could feel the pressure. If it grew any warmer, he would be a cooked goose. The big white mare beside Celestia was grinning at him in a most unnerving way and Gosling did his best to pay her no attention. Perhaps they would be introduced later.
“Gosling, you’re on… do you have your speech?” Cadance asked in a low whisper.
Nodding, he stepped forwards, reached beneath his belly with his wings, to where he had his speech tucked inside of his doublet, and said in the most cocky voice he could muster, “‘Scuse me ladies, while I whip this out.”
The reaction was immediate. One half of the room screamed, both feminine and masculine voices. Every alicorn head in the room looked around in alarm, save one, who also screamed. One third of the crowd let out a gasp and stood with eyes riveted upon the pegasus standing before the two alicorn sisters. One fifth of the room fainted dead away, and of that number, about one tenth of those were male. The big white mare beside Celestia looked on with giddy excitement and a manic grin.
Surveying the devastation, Celestia clucked her tongue and said, “Little black pegasus ponies from the inner city should not say such things…”