The ground continued to shake. The rumbles soon became one solid reverberating pulse, vibrating the individual grains of sand at their feet. It was almost too hard for any of them to stand.
"Dan!" Phoenix yelled, desperate to settle himself. "Which one of your plans do we use if the ground starts shaking?!"
"I never made a plan for if the ground starts shaking!"
"What?!"
"Don't worry, Nicky! I'll be sure to make one if we survive!"
It was then that Blast Fuse flew by, carrying her sister so they both were off the ground. "Dan, we have a problem."
"The bombs, the missiles, the weapons in the base?"
"Yeah, what about them?"
"They're all gone!!!" the twin sisters yelled simultaneously.
Something rose up from the walls of the base. Something rose up from AROUND the walls of the base. A second wall rose over and around the base, rising to tower above it. It casted them in its shadow as it continued to rise and for a brief moment, Dan and the others thought it might be a trap. In a way, it was. The ground finally stopped vibrating as the object rose above the base, casting the land below in its shadow.
"It's a..."
"Giant donut," Dan said.
"No," Phoenix shook his head and swallowed. "It's a gear."
Prototype Continuity of Governmental Systems Flying Fortress
Cogsdale
Made from a minimum of 20% recycled Cloudsdale and Flying Battery Zone
The massive gear-shaped structure began moving, propelled on its own by six giant jet engines on its back. Clearly, it was some kind of airship, one larger than anything ever built before. And it was heading towards Ponyville.
"Welp," Dan remarked," I can honestly say I wasn't expecting this."
"I know," Vice Grip said. He walked up seemingly out of nowhere and put his arm around Dan's shoulders. "It really is magnificent, isn't it?"
Dan looked at the gauntleted hoof wrapped around him and then over to his arch-nemesis. Vice simply looked over and grinned at him. "Surprise~"
"GAAAAH!!" Dan swiped at him, swinging with both his limbs. But he never landed a blow; his fists simply passed through Vice. The stallion distorted and blurred, like the picture on a t.v screen as Dan's hands passed through him.
Vice simply shook his head. "Tsk tsk tsk, how many times must we do this, Dan?" He technoported to the side and clasped his hands behind his back as if observing whether Dan's rage or exhaustion would consume him first. But neither did.
"Until I rip you in half!!" He yelled, snarling with rage. Dan swung at him like a wild animal. When Vice ported, Dan was quick to shift and swing again, even though he knew by now he couldn't hit him. He would do anything to land even a single punch.
But Vice had had enough. "Pitiful." As Dan lunged at him again, Vice's gauntlet suddenly became tangible and smacked Dan so hard he was knocked off his feet.
"Dan!" Phoenix yelled, running to his side. Dan was already getting up by the time he got over to him. "Dan, are you all right?"
"I'm fi-OW! I'm fine!" Dan said, holding his shoulder. "You got a lucky hit in, nothing more."
"Not luck. Science," Vice corrected. "But I'm honestly done trying to educate you deluded neanderthals about the finer points of our world. No, today, I just came here to show off," he said, delightedly. He spun around, raising his hands to the sky. "Allow me to introduce my latest and greatest creation: the Cogsdale! With this floating mechanical masterpiece, the future of Equestria is assured!"
"I don't know which is the bigger nut- you or the giant, floating nut you built!" Dan yelled.
Vice smiled maliciously. "I'm afraid you're mistaken, Dan- Equestria's the nut," he declared, getting out a remote control that actually was just a Nintendo Switch with a pair of rabbit-ears antenna attached to it. "And it's time to get to cracking!" He pressed two buttons on either side of the Switch.
The Cogsdale's inner ring began to glow, a spiral light that wrapped around the inside of the gear like a thread. It then began spinning rapidly, twisting until it became a solid light around the inside. It spun so rapidly, air around it began to get sucked into the center of the cog.
The ground shook beneath Dan and the others again. Dan looked down to see grains of sand roll away, like water running passed his shoes. "What the hell?! Is this thing Mega Maid?!"
Sand rose up in a stream towards the Cogsdale's center. It was sucked into the massive gear's center and then vanished. But it didn't just suck up the land; far beneath it, the ground became a dull, faded gray. The machine was draining the magic from the land. The Cogsdale was eating Equestria.
"If I can't get to Earth, I'll just make another Equestria from one of the other planets in this solar system!" Vice yelled. "It would've been possible with Cloudsdale but of course, your leaders were far too shortsighted to see the benefits of a mobile weather control and management platform. But thanks to my genius, the true potential of Cloudsdale is finally realized!"
"You call ripping off Spaceballs genius?" Phoenix asked. (Although, I do love Mel Brooks' movies, so he gets points for that idea.) "That's your plan, right? You're just vacuuming up Equestria to remake it somewhere else. That's not exactly original."
Dan grinned, holding his legs. "Nicky, right now, I love you."
"Heheh... gee, thanks, Dan."
"Don't touch the shoulder."
"Right, sorry."
Blast Fuse and Blast Powder watched the display, still busy making bombs from the Enclave's weapons. "You think Chrys is going to be jealous of Phoenix and Dan's bromance?"
Powdy looked up. "Eeeyup."
Fuse continued to watch them. "You think she'd want to make it a five-some?"
"Hahahahaha..." the other sister chuckled, then went back to making her bombs. "Well, we should get ready for when it goes off."
"You didn't answer my question..."
"Ah, but the Cogsdale does more than just suck up a little surf and turf, Dan!" Vice said, still smiling.
Dan raised his hand. "Don't tell me! It steam-cleans drapes, too, doesn't it?"
"No, hold on, Dan" Phoenix said, pointing at the aircraft. "I think this might just be the dust buster version."
"Discount Mega Maid," Dan said, shaking his head. "Vicey, you cheap little jackass. Don't tell me you still outsource to Flim and Flam, do you?"
Vice rubbed the back of his neck, his image blurring again briefly. "Well, when you combine the materials and shipping, Flim and Flam are actually- HEY!"
The two humans glanced at each other and then broke out laughing. Dan was on the ground, rolling on his back in tears while Phoenix clutched his knees.
The stallion in front of them was no longer finding this amusing. "Stop making fun of my doomsday machine!"
"Sure thing!" Phoenix said, "As soon as you build one that doesn't suck!"
The entire Enclave fell to the ground, laughing at Vice Grip, even the injured ones. Derpy, Rogue Squadron, Tuxley and even Reginald laughed at Vice Grip. Still tied to a stretcher, General Sharp Winter laughed at Vice Grip. "Hahahahah! WOAAH!" He laughed so hard, the cart fell over. The janitor from Austin Powers' flashbacks stopped sweeping the desert to point and laugh at Vice Grip. And finally, Nelson from The Simpsons stopped by to offer Vice Grip some kind words: "Ha-ha! Ha-ha!"
"Okay," Vice said, suddenly sounding passive-aggressively calm. "Now, just for that, Ima kill you all first." He hit both buttons on the Nintendo Switch and the Cogsdale began sucking in their direction.