//------------------------------// // Chapter One: Youth // Story: The Frail, And The Wretched // by Phantomilian //------------------------------// It feels... It feels like I'm flying... I swear it feels like I'm- "That's it honey! You're doing it right! Just keep hitting that note while daddy keeps playing" Ahh, my first memory. To this day, I can still remember how cheerful he was. You could hear the joy in his voice. Ever since I was a little filly, he loved to play the piano for me. He would sit me down and just keep playing until I fell asleep curled up next to him into a little sky-blue ball. I was so small, and he seemed so big to me. I can still remember his dark blue coat, his rocky gray mane and his ocean blue eyes whenever they'd beam at me. My father truly wanted to pass on his love of the piano to me, and I can say he succeeded. On that day, I started to learn how to play. All I did was just keep hitting a low note, perhaps a C, while he played the rest. I never really became astounding at the piano, but I could say I learned a thing or two. Later on, it would become one of my favorite ways to pass the time, and eventually, my cutie mark. Me and my father were very close since before I can remember. He was probably the best friend I ever had in my life. I can still remember nights when he would just hold me until I fell asleep in his arms. He would always stand up for me, and treat me like I was an equal. I wish my mother had shared the same feelings. It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon. My mother and father wanted to get out of our seaside home and go to the beach. Because my father wanted "something a little different" we went to another beach that was on the other side of town. The same beach really, just a different view. My mother and father were talking when my mother had noticed something odd. I was having a conversation with a friend I had just built a sand-castle with. I can't really remember what we were talking about, but we were kids so it couldn't have been terribly complex. My mother stopped talking to my father and approached me. "Honey, who are you talking to?" I looked back and he was gone. It's wasn't the first time something like this had happened, now that I think about it. I can remember a few times where I had seen ships off in the distance, and they would just disappear. Or I'd hear a song coming from the piano downstairs for a brief moment, when I knew no one was playing. It was a few weeks later, and I had started my first day of school. For some reason I didn't understand, I hadn't learned how to use magic yet. The other fillies and colts could bring their crayons to them with magic, but I had to go pick them up. Of course, I was teased for this by some of the other unicorns in my class. A couple of the other students in my class had noticed me whispering to a colt who was sitting next to me. He was a light brown colt, with a golden mane. I thought he was just another student in the class. I didn't understand why at the time, but the others kept calling me names like "crazy, "dumb" and "stupid". Later that afternoon, my mother came to pick me up from school. We lived pretty far outside of town, so I always got a ride home in my younger years. I tried to talk to my mother about how the others made fun of me, but she was never very good at consoling ponies. She patted me on the back and told me she was sorry. Really, that was about it. A little while later, we arrived at home. I went up to my room, curled up under my covers, and cried myself to sleep. I was rather sensitive as a filly. It was further into the evening, and I had woken up to use the restroom. It was a calm, cool night. The moon was full, and the hallway was filled with a silvery blue light. I would sometimes look in the mirror, and barely be able to distinguish my mane from the light of the full moon. I loved the smell of the ocean air at night too, when the ocean fell still and the air was left pure. It was a little refreshing considering the day I had. I can remember how it was so quiet walking down that long wooden hall at night. Getting lost in the ether of this place was very easy. I made it to the restroom, finished up, and headed back to my room. When I got to my door, I could only open the door about half way. I stopped opening the door and stood still for a moment. A large dark figure silhouetted in the moon light was now in my view. It was a stallion, and the only colors he had that I could see were of his eyes. They were an intense violet. I remember him looking similar to the stallion I had met at the beach, only now he was fully grown. It wouldn't be until years later that I pieced all of this together. For some reason, I wasn't frightened by him. I simply sat on my bed and started talking to him. He kept saying something very strange to me. To this day, I still can't really remember what. It was something along the lines of "I am the sky, and you are the sea" Apparently, my father must have been up, because I heard a creak come from my door as it was opening. He walked in with a look on his face that wasn't really worry, but concern for me. "Honey...who was that you were talking to? I didn't see anyone in here" Of course, just like before, I turned to look and he was gone. My father knew something was wrong. He knew I was still unable to use magic, and I was now seeing ponies that weren't there. I think what finally caught his attention the most, was that I was now actively talking to them. The very next day, he scheduled an appointment for me to go see a specialist. It took some time, but with weeks of testing and psychological analysis, they had determined I had an illness known as "schizophrenia". The doctor spoke with my parents and told them that 'episodes' can often be triggered by stress or strong emotions. They also told me that it was part of the reason why I hadn't learned to use magic. However, they told me that I would learn one day and had nothing to worry about. Unfortunately, I over-heard a conversation between my mother and father later that evening. "She'll never be able to use magic.." A concerned, male voice whispered. "They said her mental illness is mild or moderate at worst, but she will never be able to use magic like other unicorns. I just don't know what to do...or to say to her. The Doctor lied to her...but I guess I can understand why. I just don't want to break her heart you know?" My mother never said anything. I didn't understand why she wasn't saying anything, until much later on. It began with the way she started looking at me, and talking to me. At first, it was like she was constantly disappointed in me, or just felt sorry for me. As time went on, she just didn't want to even deal with me anymore. I couldn't understand what was going on. I thought I'd done something wrong. "I love you mommy..." As for my mother's response, "Yes...dear". This is what became of our mother daughter relationship. I stopped talking to my mother after a while, and for good reason now that I reflect on it. She wasn't disappointed in me, she was ashamed of me. My mother always wanted me to succeed. She wanted me to do great things and live an extraordinary life, probably because she never had one of her own. My mother was young when she met my father, and soon thereafter, she was pregnant with me. It was a little sudden for the both of them, but they pulled through I suppose. My father used the money he had saved for a new vessel, coupled with his own personal savings and built our seaside home. It was a beautiful home. It sat secluded along a rocky cliff, facing the ocean. Some of my fondest memories are just of me staring out towards the ocean. There are so many fond memories here, and so many terrible ones. My life began, and will end here. Perhaps if my mother had stayed, and didn't see failure in me, things would have turned out better for everyone. I can still hear the anger in my father's voice. It was the only time I'd ever heard true anger from him. "Why are you treating her like she isn't even your DAUGHTER?!" I heard him shout from downstairs. I didn't know what was going on yet; this was the first I had heard of their argument. "Ocean...what kind of life do you think she is going to have? She can't use magic, and talks to herself like a crazy-pony! She's disabled. She'll never be able to make anything for herself". Those words, they struck me so hard. I'd felt like I'd been bucked in the chest with those words. "She's schizophrenic, not stupid! She can be whatever she wants! Have you ever even heard her play before? How dare you talk about Breeze like this, I can't believe you!" He said to her. "A unicorn that can't use magic, and talks to ponies that aren't even there. Where is she going to go, Ocean? We'll be luckily if she can take care of herself one day and doesn't wind up in the crazy house" This must have been the last straw for him. He came up-stairs, and took me with him away from home. We stayed with a friend of his for a couple days, and I have to say, it was nice. He was a single colt, older too. He always made really good food though, and between him and my father, they would tell fishing stories all night long that I loved to stay up for. It wasn't the first time I got to meet ol' Gale Wind. I wish we could have stayed there a little longer. I wish my father would have thought to ask him to watch over me and not...him. Unfortunately, my father decided it was time to go back home. He could never hold a grudge for very long, but this I believe was a bit different. I think part of the reason he wanted to go back so soon, was the fact that he didn't want to believe my mother really felt the way she did about me. He wanted to go back almost out of disbelief, and maybe the hope that he could talk to her. Things in life don't always go in the direction we want them too, though. We walked in the front door, and were greeted by a large number of bags centered in the living room. My father and I were both laughing, and in good moods. He'd been telling me jokes the whole way back. I guess he was expecting things to be alright when we got back. It was when we opened the door and looked in that the smiles on our faces quickly fled out the door. A fuchsia mare greeted us shortly after we made our way in. "W-what is all this, Pixie?" Judging from the tone in my father's voice, I think he already knew what was going on, he just didn't want to admit it. He didn't want to admit it to himself, or to me. "Ocean...I've been thinking about this for a long time now. I'm under a lot of stress, and so are you. This isn't right, for either of us. I think we should spend some time apart..." It certainly didn't take her long, it was two days later when she finally left. Even through the disputes he and my mother had been having, I could tell he still missed her. They did love each other after all. Eventually though, after a few weeks of hearing my father crying at night, and me tapping my hoof against his door to let me in, he got over her. He realized the problem was her and not himself. He had a kind heart, but still a fairly level head. It had been a few years since my mother had left. My father was gone more and more every day. There were a few times where I didn't see him for days. I was pretty responsible and bright, so he didn't worry too much about me. However, I was still very young, and times were getting hard. He realized in order to keep the house afloat and food stored plentifully, he would have to stay out at sea almost all of the time. My father was a sailor, but he fished to make his money. He would catch the most exotic fish in Equestria. Even ponies in Canterlot kept them as pets. In the absence of my father, and best friend, I had started to develop somewhat of another 'friend'. I had seen him a few times now. He was a sand-colored stallion with bright gold eyes, who eventually introduced himself as "Horizon Light". He reminded me a lot of the young colt I met years ago. At first, I ignored his existence. I knew he wasn't real, but whenever I would try to tell him that, he would just laugh or not respond. I hated him at first, really. He wasn't mean, if anything he was the most kind and gentle stallion I'd ever met. I hated him because part of me still blamed my illness for our family breaking apart. To me, he was the embodiment of that. However, with my father gone so often and him there to keep me company, I began to open up a bit. One day I had finally decided that I wasn't going to blame myself anymore. I wasn't a failure, and my father and his friends loved me. I could do anything I wanted, the only problem was with my mother. And with this, I was able to draw closer to him, to Horizon. After a while, we became the best of friends. He would sit down with me and listen to me play our piano for hours. I had completely forgotten that he was essentially a hallucination after long enough. He wasn't like any other image I had seen before. He didn't disappear unless he actually walked out of the door, and he was so vivid. He was constantly around, sometimes to an annoying extent. But we grew close, him and me. Or, me and me for that matter. My father was now gone for days at a time, I didn't really get to see him anymore. He would come home very late, fall asleep, and leave first thing in the morning. He would still sometimes wake me up to let me know he was home, and that he was leaving. I was about thirteen by now, and it had been a while since my mother had left. I still loved my father and missed him, but I was growing up and becoming a little more independent. I also had Horizon to keep me company, so I didn't feel very alone. My father, though, was becoming concerned about me. He knew I was getting older and becoming a young mare now. He wanted to make sure someone could watch over me in case anything goes wrong. His intentions were good, though I wish he would have known the events that would follow. "Sea Breeze! I have someone I'd like you to meet, can you come downstairs?" It was just getting dark, the sun was setting and the ocean air was beginning to calm down. I was so surprised to hear my father's voice, I wasn't even expecting him to be home. "Dad? Oh sure, I'll be down in a sec!" I got up quickly, and trotted down the stairs happily to meet my father. However, as I reached the bottom of the stairs and saw the stallion he was with...the smile quickly left my face...