//------------------------------// // It's a Living (Guest) // Story: Tales from Tinies. // by MrAquino //------------------------------// I wonder who it’ll be this time Beneath the dome of the serving platter, John lay on a bed of lettuce, smothered in thick, red tomato sauce. At his foot lay a sprig of parsley the size of a palm leaf that the “cook” had added for some odd reason. It wasn’t like it was going to improve his flavor. In his six months of working at the Des Minuscules Spa and Restaurant, he’d come to identify two kinds of customers. There were the snobbish jackasses-who sometimes where literal jackasses- who saw him as a reusable treat to cap off their day at the spa. Other times, there were the friendly, but condescending ones who ordered him plain and just used him as a cuddle toy while they had their backs massaged. Usually it was more the latter than the former. Both were annoying. However, there was the occasional exception... As he waited beneath the dome, kept lit by a glowing crystal, John’s mind drifted off. A few days from now would mark the second anniversary of the first human appearing in this technicolor-horse land, this “Equestria”? Two years since an increasing percentage of humanity found itself on the wrong end of the food chain. To this day, nobody or nopony was quite sure how or why it happened, though he’d heard some theories, ranging from divine punishment for mankind’s hubris, to a one in a sextillion cosmic fluke. Personally, John liked to think that the whole thing was one huge joke being played on humanity, a kind of cosmic schadenfreude. Right now, some omnipotent deity was probably looking down at him right now and laughing its metaphorical ass off. Screw you, omnipotent deity. There was a soft jolt. Followed by a lurch like that of an elevator. Quickly, John hitched up his bathing suit and assumed the position that they’d drilled into him during orientation; completely limp, arms to your side, and toes pointing up. This was it. Order up. Funny, not three years ago, he was an intern at one of the largest software corporations in the US, working his butt off from eight to four every weekday. Now, he worked at a restaurant where you tipped both the waiter and the meal, and where his only job was to lie still and let a giant pastel horse eat him. What was really funny was that it was actually better than his last job There was a gentle descent, followed by a slight jolt. The lid rattled around him, then lifted off. “Hi John!” John immediately sat upright. Looming overhead, like an unnaturally adorable statue, was the face of a gigantic unicorn mare, staring at him with two amber eyes the size of garage doors. He knew that face, knew that voice. “Good to see you, Summer.” He said, smiling. Summer Breeze smiled back, waving an amber forehoof. “Likewise, John.” She knelt down, bringing her blunt muzzle down to John’s level. “So, how are things going with you.” “Oh, nothing much.” John said, picking up the sprig of parsley and taking a bite. “Boss finally gave us that pay raise she was promising us, and I’ve been getting into the Daring Do series. Yourself?” “Ugh,” Summer groaned, “You would not believe the horseapples I had to go through at work yesterday!” John crossed his arms and give a wry smile. “Try me, I’m pretty gullible.” “Well, I had just finished my expense report which I had spent two hours compiling. I gave it to my assistant, sent him on his way...only for one of the maids to snatch him up on his way there!” “Isn’t that against the rules?” “Yes, but some of the maids do it anyway!” She grunted.” By the time I found that maid and got her to regurgitate my assistant, my report was soggy pulp.” She ground her teeth together. “Instead of going home, I had to rewrite that report all over again!” “Ouchh.” John winced. He knew what that was like. “I swear, don’t these mares get it? Our staff are not for snacking! Same with their children, and with visitors! Why don’t they get it!” She thumped a hoof on the table, nearly knocking John on his side. “You ever have days like that back on your world?” “All the time.” John said. “Once, my boss chewed me out for fifteen minutes because I showed up one minute late to work. One minute! Can you believe that?!” The equinoid rolled her eyes. “Unfortunately, yes.” She sighed. “On another, less annoying note, how’s your family doing?” “Pretty good, actually. Mom just got a part-time job working for a local seamstress. My little bro’s always trying to climb into our landlord’s mouth, and my sis just moved in with her...coltfriend.” He said. Summer raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with your sister having a coltfriend?” “The ‘colt’ part”. Said John. “Don’t get me wrong, SpinDizzy’s a great guy-er-stallion, even if his theories on flying cities is completely out there--no pun intended--it’s just…” “Just what.” “Summer, my sis is a three inch-tall biped from another universe, while SpinDizzy is a four foot tall magical unicorn. How can a relationship like that work?” “ It can.” Summer said. “They like being around each other, don’t they?” “Well, yeah. Everytime he comes over for a visit, Sis lights up like a hearthswarming tree!” “Then they’re perfect for each other. In Equestria, that’s all that matters.” She said. “That, and there might soon be a way to reverse the shrinking component of the Spell.” “You're kidding.” Said John. According to Equestria’ top mages, the Spell was one of the most complex incantations they’d ever seen; whoever or whatever had cast it had an affinity for magic that surpassed even the most talented unicorns. “It’s true. I overheard a conversation between two Royal Mages. Apparently, Princess Twilight’s found a human who’d somehow received a double dose of magic from the Spell. She thinks that with a little more research, he might be able to help her reverse-engineer it, maybe even reverse it.” “Reversing the Spell, huh?” John thought for a second. It would be nice to be full sized again, not having to worry if the next pony you met was going to have you as an afternoon snack would be a definite plus. Though, on the other hand, it’d mean he’d be out of a job. “Anyway, back to relationships.” Summer said. “ You said you’re uncomfortable with your sister’s relationship? Then how come you aren’t worked up about our little relationship?” “It’s different with ust,” John said. He did not like where this was going. “We’re just good friends; there’s nothing romantic going on between us.” A hand rubbed the back of his head. “Oh?” Summer gave a mischievous grin. “Then how come I keep catching you staring at my flanks?” For a minute, John just sat there, squirming on his leafy bed as he tried to think of a way out of this conversation. He couldn’t. The only way through this mess was to go straight through it. “Fine...I guess that I might have feelings that may or may not be romantic…” Some of the anxiety dissipated from his body. ” Ever since we met, you’ve treated me with nothing but respect. Whenever you came over, you didn’t just gulp me down like a quick snack; you actually talked to me, listened to me. When I was down, you lifted me up, when I was worried, you comforted me. And when I had a bad joke to tell, you’d laugh at it.” John took a shuddering sigh. “You are the kindest mare-no, the kind woman I’ve ever met, of any species.” “And you’re the sweetest little guy I know” Summer said, giving John a gentle nuzzle and staining her muzzle with tomato sauce.” “Actually, most of my clients say I have more of a spicy, herbal taste.” Summer giggled. “Oh you…” John looked at the time; one hour before closing time. As fun as this conversation was, Summer had paid for his services, and he always gave his clients their money's worth. “So, Summer, ready for the main course.” “First, can you do that little routine of yours?” “Of course.” Standing up straight, John cleared his throat. “Good evening, madame,” he said in the most sophisticated voice he could muster "I am the dish of the day. As you can see, I am smothered in this zesty tomato sauce in order to enhance my already delicious flavor.” He said, taking a lick of the reddish sludge, then bowing. “It is my sincere hope that you will enjoy my trip down your throat.” With his little performance done, John looked back up at Summer. “So, what do you think?” Summer gently clapped her hooves. “Encore, encore!” “Thank you, you’re too kind.” he said, giving a little bow. “So, you ready?” Without another word, Summer’s horn lit up, surrounding John in a light blue aura and gently lifting him off the platter and placing him right against her muzzle. For a minute, John felt a spike of panic; he’d done this many times before, and he knew that Summer would never drop him, but it was unnerving nonetheless. “I’ll try to be gentle.” Summer said, slowly opening her mouth. As far as maws went, Summer’s mouth was beautiful: snow-white teeth, a perfectly clean tongue, and fresh minty breath, all framed by those gorgeous mustard-yellow lips. He had issues. Serious issues. Gently, ever so gently, Summer eased John into her mouth, setting him on the soft, squishy mattress of her tongue, surrounded by blunt teeth the size of bricks. The tongue jerked, and John found himself pressed against the rough palette of Summer’s mouth, drenching him in saliva. A loud mmmm reverberated through the mouth as the mare swished him about, sucking on him like a sapient piece of candy. The swishing stopped. “You ok in there?” Summer said. John grinned. “Bring it!” The cavern tilted 90 degrees, and John found himself tumbling towards the back of Summer’s throat, reflexively scrabbling for some kind of handhold, then sliding down the unicorn’s throat. “Woohoo!” John exclaimed as he slid down the squishy pipe of her esophagus. Once you got used to being swallowed, it was actually kinda fun; like sliding down a living waterslide. Sadly, like all things, it came to an end as John landed in a puddle of digestive enzymes, deep within his best friend/marefriend’s stomach. Picking himself up, John cracked his knuckles and slowly made his way over the rippled “floor” of the stomach, trudging through puddles of acid and bits of chewed-up food. It was actually kind of relaxing in here, with the lulling thump-thump of Summer’s heartbeat, and the relaxing sounds of her breathing. Once he reached the stomach wall, he curled a hand into a fist and started beating the squishy membrane like a drum. There was another contented mmmm. “You’re doing great in there.” Summer said. Thanks to the Spell, John could hear her perfectly. “Thanks.” He said, landing a haymaker on the membranous tissue. There was a moment of silence. “Hey, John.” “Yeah?” “You have this Friday off, right?” “Sure do.” Another moment of silence. “Well, once I get off of work, how would you like to head to the Tasty Treat for dinner.” John stopped in mid-blow. “Summer, are you asking me on a date?” “Yes, yes I am. Are you interested.” “Give me a minute.” John sat down to think for a second; he didn’t exactly have anything better to do, as it was rather hard to surf the web or play games when your computer was in another dimension. “Sure, why not?”