"Silver Lining?"
"Daisy..."
"Oh, I'm so glad they're finally letting you out!"
"They said that as long as I keep taking these pills, I won't have to come back again. Ever."
"I don't care what it takes, I'm just happy that I get to see you again."
You hear somepony call your name out. "You know you’re not supposed to be in the lobby unsupervised. Come on, let's go."
With your eyes closed, your consciousness slowly returned to your mind. As usual, you didn't move for a few moments, letting yourself fully recover all of your cognitive processes. Slowly, you opened your eyes, but you squinted as the room was brightly lit by Celestia's sun. After a couple of seconds, you recognized where you were; inside Rainbow Dash's living room. You closed your eyes to let your thoughts flow freely.
Morning again. And another dream. No, that was a memory. I remember those two from the hospital. He had just been released, and was allowed to go home. I remember hoping that that could be me one day... Either way, at least it wasn't what it normally was. Which, I suppose is one thing I can be grateful for. That, and not being dead. Although I'm contemplating whether or not Rainbow Dash 'saved' my life last night. Why hadn't she let me go? I would have been one less nuisance she would have to deal with. No, don't speak like that. Rainbow Dash wouldn't like it.
You opened your eyes, realizing what you had just told yourself.
Rainbow Dash wouldn't like that? What do I care?
"You do care," you mumbled to yourself.
No I don't. My only priority is to relieve myself of this damned depression!
"This old, tired argument? You're only lying to yourself."
I am not. I don't care about anything relating to her! It doesn't matter to me that she stopped me from ending my miserable, pathetic life, or that we spent nearly everyday of our childhood together, playing and laughing, or how soothing it felt when she held me, or-
Having caught yourself in mid-thought, you quickly tried to reason with yourself.
Do you see what you're doing to yourself? You're becoming too attached! You have to distance yourself from her. These aren't your true intentions, they're just primal urges. Nothing more.
Having believed that you had convinced yourself otherwise of your emotions towards Rainbow Dash, you finally decided to arise from the couch, having been fed up of sitting still. As you tried to lift yourself, you felt something wrapped around your neck. Assuming it to be a blanket, you turn your neck, sequentially cracking the various bones, easing the soreness. As you re-positioned your neck to face forward, you nearly fell off the couch at the sight. Beneath you, is a dormant Rainbow Dash, with one hoof around your neck.
What am I doing?! I could not have done this on purpose! What would she think of me? Taking advantage of her while she was asleep?! But, she had HER hoof around me... No, NO! This was exactly what I did not want to happen! I need to go back to her room, and stay there until she awakens.
Now being aware of the physical contact between you and Rainbow Dash, you began to notice her breath against your muzzle, and her heartbeat in sync with yours. As you tried to lift yourself, you felt Rainbow Dash pull you back down, closer than ever, causing you to curse under your breath. As she nuzzled against you, it struck you that she was still asleep, and she was having her way with you, unconsciously. The fear of having her awaken now was enough to make you hold your breath, and not dare to move a muscle. There you lied, on top of Rainbow Dash, her hoof folded around your neck. Keeping your mind clear of any thoughts allowed you to hold your breath longer, and prevented you from succumbing to Rainbow Dash's touch. After what seemed like an eternity, you needed to breathe again.
Hesitantly, you tried to turn your head away as far as possible from Rainbow Dash, rubbing your cheek against hers in the process. As you slowly exhaled, you heard Rainbow Dash moan and beginning to shift her position. As she tightened her grip around you, she began to wiggle, creating friction and more heat between the two of you. Your once in-sync heartbeats was thrown off by your now quickened pace. You mouth obscenities and vulgarities, trying to keep your mind clear, as to prevent yourself from finding any enjoyment or pleasure from this. It was a decisive battle, between your two mentalities; one, wishing to relish in the moment, and the other denouncing such thoughts.
Maybe I should just stay here. If I keep trying to struggle to be freed, I'll just end up waking her...
No! This is exactly what we wanted to avoid! Leave before she awakens!
Again, you tried to lift yourself from her, creating distance between your chests. However, her other hoof immediately snaked around you, pulling you closer once more, waists connecting. The sudden contact made you release a reluctant breath of pleasure. As much as you would hate yourself for admitting it, you enjoyed this to some extent. For a couple of seconds, you let yourself bask in the moment, letting her warmth radiate onto you. You let out a muffled whinny, a failed attempt to suppress it. You felt your wings unfurl, as you attempted to find a comfortable spot for your own hooves. Unfortunately, as you awkwardly fumbled around with your hooves, a new sensation started to form. A familiar sensation that you hoped not to experience ever again.
A sharp pain began forming behind your right ear. Instantaneously, you recognized it, and knew what was about to come. Your eyes shot open and you forcefully pushed yourself off of Rainbow Dash, inadvertently landing on the floor, crushing your wings beneath your back. You let out an excruciating grunt, but you quickly tried to slow your quickened breath. As you lied still, you began to feel the pain ease, and the high-pitched whine never appeared. You sigh in relief, having avoided another traumatic experience. You rolled, side-to-side, allowing your wings to return to their natural position.
Too close. Too damn close! Is this what you wanted? To relive the memory of your parents' death again? You HAVE to distance yourself from her.
"Morning."
As you turned to the couch, you saw a now awoken Rainbow Dash, looking down towards you.
"What are you doing on the floor?"
As you quickly scrambled to rise, you didn't reply. You saw Rainbow Dash arch her back, stretching. You avert your eyes to prevent any more unnecessary, bothersome thoughts. Upon hearing her finish, you returned your eyes to her, and you saw her looking towards the clock on the wall.
"Ugh, 10 o'clock already?" she groaned.
Unsure of the significance of the time, you simply stand there, letting the event unfold itself. Rainbow Dash proceeded to lift herself from the couch, focusing on you.
"So, how'd you sleep?"
Of course she had to ask.
You simply replied with a "fine," leaving it at that. She swiftly follows up with another question.
"Feeling better today?"
You nod in response, motioning that you did, however, that was a lie. Mentally speaking, you were practically in the same condition you had been in for years; a general sense of pessimism plagued with a lack of interest in anything. Again, Rainbow Dash asks another question, almost as if she's attempting to spark a conversation with you, which is the last thing you wanted right now.
"I take it that you didn't have the dream again, right?"
Once again, you shake your head left and right, that satisfying as your answer. You tried your hardest not to become invested in anything having to do with Rainbow Dash, as you feared the return of the memory of your parents' death. You weren't sure what had caused it, but you were prepared to take any precautions necessary to avoid its return. Rainbow Dash starts up again.
"Alright, well, here's the plan for today. First, I gotta take care of some weather patrol stuff, then, I was thinking we could head over to Cloudsdale and give the whole 'memory' thing another shot."
The only section of her response that you had heard was the part about returning to Cloudsdale, or as you had begun labeling it, 'The Accursed City.'
Return to Cloudsdale? Out of the question. If something as simple as her touch can instigate the memory, returning to Cloudsdale will surely provoke it once more.
"I'm not going back to Cloudsdale. I'd rather stay here than risk reliving that memory again," you protested.
Rainbow Dash sighs and begins her reply with your name.
"Look, after what you tried to do last night... After what you said, I can't leave you alone. That's why I'm taking you with me to do my weather patrol."
I can't be left alone? That's ridiculous. I'm not a foal, I can do whatever I damn please!
Feeling that you were losing your sense of freedom, something you gained less than two weeks ago, you were quick to assert your want for isolation. As you prepared yourself to speak, Rainbow Dash interjected, leaving you with your mouth hanging open like an imbecile.
"And there's no point in giving up now! You wanna get better, right? Then you can't just mope around all day. You gotta fight for it! Besides, if you start to feel like you're gonna get the memory again, just tell me and I'll get us out of there."
You were at a loss for words, unsure of how to respond to that. Her sympathetic attitude now seemed more abrasive and demanding. Although you had been compliant for the most part, this was something you refused to do.
I'd sooner speak with the pink pony than return to Cloudsdale. I have to tell her that I'm not going back.
You focused your attention towards Rainbow Dash, ready to contest her request. But, as you turned to her, you could see a smile on her face, one that needed no words. A smile she carried after finishing her last sentence. Becoming infatuated by it, you lose your train of thought.
"O-okay."
It takes you no longer than a second to realize your mistake.
Idiot. You have no spine. You can't even reject any request she makes.
She's done nothing but help. Who am I deny it?
She hasn't helped. She's only caused you pain. Ever since she came into your life, it's only become progressively worse!
If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here right now. I'd be dead.
Isn't that what you wanted?!
Before you were able to engage into another argument with yourself, Rainbow Dash pulled your attention back towards her.
"Alright, my shift starts in about twenty minutes, so we'd better leave now. Ready to go?"
Defeated, you nodded as Rainbow Dash began to head towards the door. You looked for your saddlebag, which you found near the couch. You quickly slipped it on and followed Rainbow Dash out the door. The two of you took off, Rainbow Dash leading the two of you to wherever she had to be.
I thought she had to clear the skies. Why are we just lying here?
For the past thirty minutes or so, you and Rainbow Dash had been lying on the same cloud, not having done anything. She explained that, today, she had to clear the skies, although she didn't say why; either way, it did not matter to you. What did matter was that you were right next to the same pegasus that you were embracing an hour ago. It wasn't that you were attempting to control your urges, it was that you wanted to distance yourself from her. And now, you were going to spend the entire day by her side. The only upside to this was that she had kept quiet, insisting that she wanted to relax for a moment, despite having just awoken from her slumber no more than an hour ago. The quiet gave you time to assess your intentions, having kept your mind clear ever since your last internal argument.
Why are you doing this? This is a waste of time.
What else could I possibly be doing? Feeling sorry for myself? Rainbow Dash is helping. I've been able to keep my mind clear for the most part.
We'll see if you still feel that way when you relive the death of your parents.
That was not her fault! She had no control over that!
Maybe not, but if it hadn't been for her, that wouldn't had ever happened. Hell, it almost happened again this morning! It's fortunate that you listened to me, otherwise you'd be reliving the memory again.
Y-you can't be sure about that!
Your infatuation with this pegasus is going to be the end of you. But, maybe that's a good thing. Maybe you'll finally be able to end this miserable life. Let her take you to Cloudsdale so you can re-experience the death of your parents once more. Maybe after that, you can put an end to our everlasting misery.
No, Rainbow Dash wouldn't let me do that.
It will only be a matter of time before she gives up on you. Sigmund, a trained psychologist, who spent years helping other patients recover from their ailments, who succeeded in all those cases, gave up on you. What makes you believe that this cyan pegasus can help you anymore than he could?
He didn't give up on me. Sigmund did not give up on me.
He did. Why do you think he let you go? After seven, long, painstaking years, all of the medical staff gave up on you. And these were ponies who were trained to deal with disorders and to help others recover from their ailments. Like I've said, it's only a matter of time.
Rainbow Dash won't give up on me. She wouldn't do that.
What makes you so sure?
I don't know! I just know she won't!
You know why you believe that? Because you've fallen for her. You've become obsessed with her, and when she turns her back on you, you'll end up being more miserable than you've ever been before. This is what I was trying to protect you from! The last time you loved somepony, you lost them. Do you really think you'll be able to cope with losing her?
I... I don't love her! She's just helping me, like Sigmund! I couldn't care less about what happens to her, or what she does! Once she helps me recover from my depression, I'll leave this city and go somewhere I can forget about all the pain and agony this town has caused me!
"You know, the point of relaxing is to relax."
Rainbow Dash's voice helped pull you out from your mental brawl. After returning to the conscious world, you realized that you've been fidgeting on the cloud, irritating Rainbow Dash, who you were now unsure how you felt about.
"Well, I'm getting bored. I can clear the skies later. Let's head over to Cloudsdale now," she said, abruptly taking off without a warning.
Powerless to resist, you lift yourself up and followed Rainbow Dash to the city in the sky. To your dismay, the flight took no more than a few minutes this time.
In a matter of seconds, you'll be back in your old home, standing in a pool of blood.
"Okay, remember. If you start feeling like you're gonna faint, let me know, alright?"
You simply nodded, wanting to believe that you could put your trust into Rainbow Dash. But you cast a powerful doubt upon her. As the city came into view, you prepared yourself for the worst.
"How ya doing?" Rainbow Dash asked, following it up with your name.
"F-fine," you muttered as you continued to fly alongside her. The two of you continued around the city, and as your nerves calmed, you were able to slightly relax. Upon doing so, you had a sense that you knew of your location relative to the city.
This place... Something happened here. Something significant.
As Rainbow Dash landed on the cloud, she asked, "Look familiar?" Upon landing next to her, you observed your surroundings to see that the location was familiar. You couldn't recall exactly what it was, but there was a looming implication of familiarity. You turned to Rainbow Dash to answer her.
"It... It feels familiar. Something important happened here, right?"
Rainbow Dash chuckled, saying, "Yeah, you could say that. This is-"
"Hey, Rainbow Dash!"
Before she could finish her sentence, she, for once, was interrupted by two other pegasi, one brown and the other a darker shade of brown. They flew down and landed on the cloud, right before you and Rainbow Dash.
"Oh, hey guys. What's up?" she responded.
The light brown pegasus spoke, asking her, "Wanna fly a few laps with us? We were about to do a bit of training." You kept your eyes glued to the two pegasi, observing their every action, from the folding of their wings to the movement of their eyes. You blocked out any exterior noise, everything sounding concealed behind a barrier. As one of their eyes connected with yours, you heard him ask, "Uh, who's your friend?" You kept your cold glare locked onto him until he averted his eyes. Just in the edge of your vision, you could see Rainbow Dash turning to you. As your eyes met hers, you felt as if she was asking you a question subliminally. You could hear her asking, "Do you want me to lie to them?" And, as if you answered in the same method she asked you the question, you said yes.
"He's, uh... A tourist! From... Trottingham! Yeah, I'm just showing him around and stuff," she explained.
She lied again. For me.
"Trottingham, huh? Say, you look familiar... Have we met before?" asked the dark brown pegasus.
Rainbow Dash answered once more for you.
"Nope. Not at all. He's lived in Trottingham for his whole life! He's visiting Cloudsdale 'cause-"
Suddenly, the pain began building behind your right ear.
I warned you.
You tried to block it out, putting every bit of your will power to subdue the pain. However, it became too much to prevent. Rainbow Dash was still covering for you, but you had to get her attention before you fainted in front of the two pegasi.
"-and I thought it'd be cool to show him around, so here we are!"
The high-pitched whine began in your ears, indicating that you only had a matter of seconds before you would lose consciousness. You opened your mouth, and began stammering her name.
"R-Rainbow Da-Dash."
You saw her turn to you, and a look of fear appeared across her face. She knew what was happening, and she had to act quickly. She dashed to your side, and you could hear one of the two pegasi asking, "Hey, is he alright?"
"Yeah, he's fine! We gotta go now, guys! I'll catch up with you later!"
Grabbing onto you, she pulled the two of you into the air, flying incredibly fast through the city. You could hear her speaking to you, trying to keep you conscious.
"Come on, stay with me," Rainbow Dash said with a half-panicking tone. You tried your best to keep up with her flying speed, but it was impossible, especially in your impaired state. Eventually, Rainbow Dash finally slowed her pace, allowing yourself to return to your natural state. Your breathing slowed down, the whine had died, and the pain subsided. Rainbow Dash kept a hoof on you, making sure that you didn't unexpectedly lose consciousness. Once you were able to take notice of your surroundings, you could see that you were still flying, however, now out of Cloudsdale.
"You alright?" Rainbow Dash asked.
Now being able to speak, you made one simple request.
"Get me out of here."
Rainbow Dash was about to speak once more, and you knew what she was going to say. She was going to encourage you not to give up, that there was still a chance of revealing a memory. But, having a close encounter with another flashback gave you enough motivation to finally deny any more of Rainbow Dash’s plans.
“Okay, look. I know things aren’t going well, but you almost rememb-”
“Almost isn’t good enough, Rainbow Dash!” you exploded. You could feel a hidden anger beginning to surge to the surface of your emotions.
“All of this have just been feeble attempts at trying to recollect my memories. This is the second time I almost had to see my parents’ death again! I’m never going back to Cloudsdale! I’d rather stay like this for the rest of my life than have to go through that again!”
Once your short flash of rage had settled, you realized that you had to catch your breath; not from having flown quickly through the sky, but rather from your short outburst of pent-up rage and frustration. As you quickly replenished the lost air, you see Rainbow Dash carrying a defeated look across her face, something you had never seen before. Without saying a word, she slowly began to fly, not bothering to look back to see if you were following. Reluctantly, you followed her, assuming that she would take you back to her home. However, you were unsure of what would follow once you arrived there. One of your only chances of ever revealing your memories was now gone, and you weren’t sure if you were fine with that.
A few minutes slowly passed until you reached Rainbow Dash’s home. She hesitated before opening the door, but gave in and swung it open, causing a loud crack. Hesitantly, you enter, only to see an enraged cyan pegasus waiting before you.
“So what? That’s it?”
I thought I already explained this to her.
“Rainbow Dash, I already told you. I don’t want to talk about this anym-”
“Oh, we’re gonna talk about this,” she began, as she trotted over to the door, slamming it shut. “The only reason why I didn’t talk about this outside was because I didn’t want anypony else to hear us.”
You slowly retreated into a defensive stance, but quickly tried to diffuse the conversation.
Wha- Who the Hell does she think she is?!
“N-no! You have no right to keep reminding me of this!” you retorted.
Rainbow Dash crept closer to you, furrowing her brow as she spoke.
“Look, all I’ve done is try to help, but it’s not gonna do you any good if you just quit!”
You tried to find a response, but you merely stumbled upon your own words. Rainbow Dash continued to advance, making you back away from her.
"I... I haven't given up!" you quickly spat out. However, you felt as if you had lied, not only to her, but to yourself.
"Yeah? Then why don’t you want to go back to Cloudsdale ever again? You were so close to remembering when we fi-... Well, I don't wanna say it! You remember those two pegasi ponies from Cloudsdale, or did you forget about them already?"
"I... Well, n- what?" you stammered, appalled at what she had just criticized you of.
She knows everything. Your depression, amnesia, everything. She'll use that against you. Keep your guard up, dammit!
For Celestia's sake, I'm trying!
Your recoil was stopped by the couch, entrapping you with Rainbow Dash, who was only a hair away from your face.
"Those two pegasi were from our old school! But, why should I bother telling you? You're just gonna forget it, won't ya?"
You began to feel your blood boil as Rainbow Dash continuously taunted your amnesia. You felt another flood of animosity beginning to arise, and as you prepared to counter, she began to speak once more, interrupting you before you could start, which was becoming increasingly common.
"And you know what the worst part is? You won't remember any of this the next morning."
Your mouth hung wide open, shocked at what she was telling you. You didn't want to believe that what she was telling you was the hapless truth.
"That's why you can't give up! Come on, you gotta remember something. Don't you remember what happened where we just were a couple of minutes ago? I know you do!" she continuously badgered.
Her constant reminder of the previous events was starting to wear down your barricades of the event. You couldn't help but envision the area again, with Rainbow dash by your side before the two brown-tinted pegasi.
Focus, focus dammit!
But you couldn't. You began to hear the voices of the two brown pegasi within your head.
"Trottingham, huh? Say, you look familiar... Have we met before?"
"Hay, is he alright?"
You sat down, trying to force out the thoughts to no avail. Their voices kept playing over and over, repeating the same words over and over again like a broken record. Eventually their words began to sound like distorted gibberish, and you placed your hooves on your head, attempting to suppress the voices. Rainbow Dash was still speaking, but it was drowned out by the voices. After a few seconds, you began to the voices slowly change, becoming higher pitched.
Take a look at Rainbow Crash!
"Hey, have you heard a word I've said?" she pestered.
Unable to hear the voice anymore, you said the first thing that came to your mind.
"R-Rainbow... Crash?"
Her once-determined face quickly changed into a humiliated one, apparently recognizing the name. However, her expression switched when she realized something you hadn't.
"Where did you hear that?" she asked skeptically.
You replied immediately, "I didn't... I... The two..."
"You remembered it from flight school! This is great! Come on, we're on a roll! Think, what else would you be able to remember..." Rainbow Dash said, practically to herself. As you tried to understand what had just taken place, as to how you had heard another pegasus' voice taunt Rainbow Dash, the same pain that you experienced twice earlier this day appeared, catching you off-guard.
"Oh, I know! The chant! You have to remember this! We had to sing it everyday of school," she exclaimed. However, the approaching of another flashback had kept you preoccupied. Your hopes that it would fade away were destroyed when the high-pitched whine commenced.
"Junior Speedsters are our lives~♪" was the last you heard Rainbow Dash say before her voice was obstructed by the whine. You tried calling out to her, but you were stopped by a desultory pattern of breath. You tried to grab her attention, but you could see from your hazy vision that she was still doing her ridiculous chant. Your vision became dark, and you attempted to stay conscious. As you fell over, you had finally grabbed Rainbow Dash's attention, but it was too late. She rushed over to you, and the last image you saw was Rainbow Dash's terrified face.
There were two other ponies in front of you, laughing; one with a bronze coat and a fallow colored mane, the other a dull coffee color with a sandy-tinted mane. Both of them were flying in the air, their small wings keeping them afloat. You were standing next to them, but they were turned in a different direction, laughing at something that was behind a large decorative pillar.
"Hey, take a look at Rainbow Crash!" the bronze-colored one taunted, placing heavy emphasis on her name, or rather, her nickname.
"S-shut up, guys! And stop calling me that!" a shrill, familiar voice yelped.
You slowly made your way closer to see what the two colts were laughing at, when you see a filly, with a rainbow-streaked mane and a cyan coat, rubbing her forehead. They kept laughing, perhaps only to jeer her now.
"Just get outta here!" she yelled, her voice cracking as she threw her fore-legs at them, as if she had actually thrown something at them.
But, they stayed, still laughing at her, for whatever she had done. You felt as if you had to do something. You couldn't just stand by and continue watching this unfold.
"Hey, leave her alone!"
Immediately, the two pegasi stopped laughing and turned their attention to you. You could feel their stares piercing into you, but you kept your ground.
"What, are you sticking up for a filly?" once of them asked.
"Y-yeah! So what?" you quickly replied.
The other colt spoke, saying, "Whatever, let's just get outta here. He can't even fly!" His apparent friend followed up, "Yeah, and the other one can't stop crashing into walls!" After that, they took off, leaving you behind in a mortified state, along with the cyan pegasus. What one of them had said was somewhat true; you had difficulty flying longer than a few minutes, as you hadn't built up your endurance yet.
"You didn't have to do that. I can fight my own fights."
You turned to the cyan pegasus, who was now standing up, still rubbing her forehead. As if you had ignored her last sentence, you asked, "Why were they laughing at you?"
She hesitates before answering, "I... Kinda, sorta flew into this wall... Again."
"Oh," was all you said.
"Well, thanks anyways. Name's Rainbow Dash! What's yours?" she asked.
"My name is-"
You heard Rainbow Dash repeating your name, trying to bring you back into the conscious world when you sprang up, breathing heavily. You took a look around your surroundings, and Rainbow Dash was by your side, still holding onto the back of your head. Your mind was completely back, save for the one thought lingering; had that been a memory?
"Back in Cloudsdale," you began, having Rainbow Dash's full attention. "Where you took me. Those two pegasi, they were making fun of you." Rainbow Dash carried a confused look on her face, slightly deterring you, but you carried on. "They were laughing at you, calling you Rainbow Crash. And, I told them to leave, and then they laughed at me." After that, Rainbow Dash's face lit up, and you asked, "That was when we first met, wasn't it?" She embraced you, sharing a moment of joy with you. That was more than enough to tell you that you were right; that it was a repressed memory unlocked.