After the briefing, Echo escorted me back through the portal into the Canterlot Castle wine cellar. She walked with me in silence up and out of the castle, in spite of the fact that I could plainly tell that she had a lot on her mind. I could practically feel the tension radiating off her as she led me back to my barracks. I wanted to say something, anything to break the mood. But I didn't. It didn't feel like my place. I waited for her to speak first. She did, eventually, just outside the barracks.
"Here." She gave me a small, round piece of glass, about the size of a tangerine.
"What is it?" I asked.
"A little gift, from our 'friends' in S.M.I.L.E." she said, with the slightest hint of a smirk at the corners of her mouth. I lifted it to look at it. "Don't look at it!" she said. "It's a small mirror. You point it at a pony, and it will erase a small part of their memory. Usually it takes a unicorn to operate its magic. But our ponies in R&D have reverse engineered it to be loaded with an enchantment for a pre-determined amount of time. To let non-magic ponies use. In your case, five minutesss," she hissed.
"Okay." I slipped it into my pocket.
"Point it at your target, and say the key phrase, 'going my way?'. Then you'll have a few seconds to say one complete sentence to fill in their memory. They will accept it as the absolute truth. But keep it simple! It only has one charge. It should be enough to get you past your door guard tonight."
"Oh. Right."
"Yeah. Right!" She scoffed. "And what exactly was your plan for sneaking back in tonight, after all?"
"Uhh..."
"Yeah, exactly!" she scolded, jabbing me with her hoof. "You need to always have a plan. And a plan within that plan. And a backup plan to that plan! An agent of L.A.U.G.H. doesn't take a dump without a plan."
"Alright, I'm working on it. I'm still new to all of this," I said.
"The sun will be up in a few hours. You may want to get some sleep," she suggested before flying away. I waited until I could no longer see her before I opened the door to the barracks. Cirrus lurched from his half-asleep stupor.
"Who goes there?" he demanded.
"Cirrus, it's me," I said.
"Storm?" he asked. "What are you doing up after lights out?"
"I have a special pass," I said. I took out the small mirror, and pointed it at him. "Going my way?" There was a small flash and his eyes shrank to the size of pin pricks. "You stood guard all night, and saw nothing unusual."
"I stood guard all night and saw nothing unusual," he repeated as I put the small mirror back in my pocket. I crept back to my bunk and slipped under the covers while he was still in the trance. By the time the effect wore off, I was ready to sleep myself. It had been a long night.
"Rise and shine, ladies!" our section chief hollered as the morning light streamed in through the windows. I sat up in my bunk. Pound Cake sat up in his, opposite mine.
"Ugh," he groaned. "Wow, Storm. You look like how I feel." I caught my reflection in the glass of the window. My eyes were bloodshot from missing so much sleep last night. We each got dressed in our uniforms and headed into the day-room to get some coffee and our assignments for the day. Each of the other guards were given various tasks in addition to 'guard stuff'. This could include assignments like cleaning the wall, but also things like kitchen duty or equipment inventory. Each pony collected his envelope when his name was called. At the bottom of the assignment stack was a slightly larger envelope. I hadn't heard my name as he finished giving out the rest.
"Dismissed!" He shouted. We all got up to leave. "Not you, Private Storm," he called out. "Front and center."
"Sir!" I reported, standing before him. He waited for everypony else to file out and closed the door.
"We received a coded message this morning," he said, waving the letter at me. "You've somehow managed to get an assignment in Ponyville," he said with disdain, "Personal guard to Princess Twilight Sparkle."
"Sir, that isn't funny."
"I know it isn't. That's why we decoded it twice." He scoffed. "I've been in the guard twelve-going-on-twenty years. And I've never gotten an assignment like this. I've lived in Canterlot all my life, dreaming of a chance like this. Most ponies will go their entire career without ever getting a personal guard assignment."
"Aye sir," I answered. I reached for the envelope.
"There's more," he said. "You need to select one other guard pony to accompany you-"
"Pound Cake."
"Another Private!?"
"He's my friend."
"This isn't a popularity contest you jackass!" he growled. "You need somepony with experience to accompany you. A senior enlisted who knows the protocol of being a personal guard to the royalty," he said. I looked at the senior enlisted stripes on his sleeve.
"That sounds a little self-serving... sir," I said. He glared at me, his thinly-veiled ruse revealed. "You're from Canterlot. Private Cake is the only pony in the squad from Ponyville. He knows the area better than any of us," I said. He grit his teeth.
"Per the order, it is ultimately... your choice." He slid the envelope across the table. I went to pick it up, but he held it down with his hoof. "But I strongly advise against this."
"I have been advised," I said. He leaned closer to me.
"Look, I don't know what you did, or whose flank you had to kiss to get this, but do not -DO NOT- buck this up!" He released the letter at last. He motioned with his hoof to his eyes and pointed at me, letting me know that he 'had his eyes on me'. I walked out of the day room, back into the living quarters.
"Pound, pack your things. You and I have an assignment!"
"Uh, okay?"
"Storm, I don't know about this," Pound said to me on the train, now a good distance from Canterlot.
"What are you nervous about? Do you have an angry ex in Ponyville?" I asked jokingly.
"It's not that. It's you!" he said. "I'm afraid that you're going to get us in trouble!"
"No I'm not," I said.
"You're literally picking the door lock of the Royal Train Car. The one we're supposed to be guarding!"
"Shut up! I want to hit up the minibar!" I said, working the pick tools in the tumbles of the lock. But even without them, I could pick a lock with a paper clip. It was like, my special talent or something. That and shape-shifting. That too.
"How do you even know it has one?" he asked.
"It's the Royal Caboose. It's gotta have one," I reasoned. He looked unconvinced. "What? Do you think this is the first time I've ever picked a lock?"
"Unbelievable," he muttered. The lock clicked open.
"Got it. You coming in?" He put his hooves up and backed away.
"I'm not getting involved in this," he said. "I'm going to go use the restroom."
"Yeah, yeah. Go on you sissy. I'll grab a bottle for you. I still owe you for lunch."
"Please don't. And please don't get caught." He turned and walked away quickly.
"Your loss." I opened the door and walked inside. The caboose looked much the same as I last saw it, with Prince Shining Armor absent now, of course. I made a bee line for the liquor cabinet, opening it and grabbing a bottle.
"Are you enjoying yourself?"
I nearly jumped out of my fur, sending the bottle flying through the air. Echo caught the bottle with lightning reflexes. I turned to see the bat pony slinking down from her perch in the ceiling rafters of the tall car, bottle in hoof.
"What are you doing in here?" I asked.
"Guarding the Royal Caboose from intruders trying to rob it. You know, the very thing you're supposed to be doing," she said with a stern tone, still hanging inverted.
"Well what better place to hide the cider from thieves than the last place they'd ever think to look, my stomach. Give it here?" I said. She pulled the bottle away from my reach.
"Are you out of your gourd? You really going to pre-game royal guard duty for a princess?"
"The thought had crossed my mind."
"Royal Guard ponies go their entire career waiting for an opportunity like yours. And you have a responsibility to your mission for L.A.U.G.H. too. I keep trying to figure out what Princess Luna sees in you. But all I see is a massive liability to Equestria and everypony around you."
"Hey, I'm not so bad, once you get to know me," I said with a sly grin.
"I already know all about you," she said.
"Oh really?"
"Yeah, really. My research was very thorough. You've been nothing but a nuisance ever since you left Cloudsdale for Canterlot," she said.
I just smiled.
"What?"
"Echo, what you don't know about me, I could just about squeeze into Ghastly Gorge." I fluttered my wings, propelling myself up toward her.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to kiss you," I said, bringing my face closer to hers. She swung the bottle at my head. I caught it with my hoof, wrenching it from hers. "Thank you," I said, returning to the floor to kiss the mouth of the cider bottle instead, as planned. "Ah, still tastes great. You want some?"
"No."
"You're no fun. I figured you of all ponies could appreciate the importance of relaxing sometimes and just... hanging out."
"Yeah, because I've never heard that one before."
"Look, I promise I can behave, be a good personal Royal Guard for Princess Twilight, and complete our mission." I took another drink. "It doesn't mean I can't have fun doing it."
"Your idea of fun is the opposite of behaving."
"Not all the time." I closed the bottle and put it back in the cabinet. "See? I'm already on the wagon." I headed out the door. "Later, Taters."
Pound had come back to stand beside me at the door for the rest of the ride.
"You seem... lucid," he said.
"Well I thought better about pre-gaming before personally guarding a princess," I said. He snorted.
"There was no mini bar, huh?"
"Heh, you got me," I said with a sigh. The train pulled into the station.
"Ponyville!" the conductor called out over the PA system.
"Here we go," Pound said. "Follow me. I know the way to Princess Twilight's castle.
"What, you mean the enormous, gaudy crystal monstrosity towering over the rest of Ponyville, that I can see from here?" I said, pointing through the train window.
"Well- yeah. But it's your first time in Ponyville. I can give you a proper tour and show you the points of interest along the way there," he said. I just smiled patiently.
"Sure. Why not." He led the way. I followed him, knowing perfectly well the way through the very town I grew up in. As we departed the station, I kept looking back over my shoulder, checking to see if a certain bat pony was following me. And even though I never saw her, I knew she was.
~~~~~
"... and to the southeast, is Fluttershy's Animal clinic, near the border of- the Everfree Forest, ooOOooh!" Pound Cake narrated in an eerie voice.
"Too spooky for me," I deadpanned.
"This tall, round building in front of us is Town Hall. Down the street that way is Sugarcube Corner. And up ahead-"
"Isn't that your home?" I asked, knowing the answer.
"No. My home is in Canterlot now," he said.
"I mean, isn't that where you grew up? Isn't your family there?"
"...Yes."
"We should go see them." I suggested, hoping for a chance to see Pumpkin Cake again. "I'm sure they'd love to-"
"No!" he cut me off. "I mean, no, because we don't have time. I'll go see them later. We need to report to the Princess."
"Oookay," I placated. We trotted up to the front door of the Castle. He gave it a resolute knock. The small window of the door slid open, greeting us with a set of piercing blue eyes.
"Royal Guard reporting for duty," Pound said, with a firm salute. The window slid closed. Inside, Starlight Glimmer opened the door. Starlight was Princess Twilight's unicorn protege. Her fur was a shade lighter than Twilight's lavender coat. Her long, purple mane and tail has a streak of cyan running through it.
"Aegis! Bulwark!" she called into the castle. The sound of armored hooves clattered through the castle hallways. The two other royal guards appeared in seconds. Both had Non-Commissioned Officer rank stripes on their armor.
"Reporting, ma'am!"
"Your duty relief is here," she said. They looked at us suspiciously.
"Private!?" one of them said to Pound.
"Sir."
"There has to be some mistake. There's no way these two are our relief," he said to Starlight. Pound presented our written orders to Starlight. She looked it over. It was complete with the royal seal, and the cutie marks of those selected. Mine, specifically. Starlight inspected my flank, and showed the order to the NCO.
"There is no mistake. You are relived," Starlight said, dismissing them. They walked out past us, snorting.
"Hope you two like books," one of them muttered at us away from her range of hearing.
"What did he mean by that?" Pound whispered to me.
"You two, this way," Starlight ordered, walking ahead of us. We followed.
I had met Starlight before, back when I was Pineapple, so I knew what to expect. She wasn't curt with us for any fault of ours. Nor was she intentionally cruel. She was simply a pragmatic mare always striving for maximum efficiency in all things she did. Including speaking.
But for the chagrin imparted on her by Twilight for it, she would simply slam us with a spell to do her bidding rather than waste her breath on such trivial things like... us. Superfluous guard ponies.
Superfluous is the operative word for us. In the past, I had made the walk out of Ponyville to the wastelands where years ago Princess Twilight had fought Tirek. The battle had permanently scarred the landscape of the region with craters, gullies and broken mountains. In the wake of such awesome- and I use the word in the classical sense, by which I mean horrifying- in the wake of such awesome power, we were about as useful as kittens guarding a dragon. Speaking of which-
"Spike, have you seen Twilight? Starlight asked the resident drake of the castle coming the other direction. Spike was a purple dragon with green spines. Even though he was nearly forty, he was still in his youth as a dragon. Even so, he was already as tall as Princess Luna. When I had first met him in my own youth, his wings had just begun to sprout. Now he sported a wingspan wide enough to allow him to fly.
"She's in the library," he answered.
"Shocking." Starlight deadpanned.
"Hmm," his only reply passing by us. We followed Starlight to the library.
"Twilight! New guards!" she called up into the vaulted ceiling of the massive repository.
"I'll be right there," Princess Twilight's voice came back, from somewhere unseen. A moment later, she appeared in front of us in a purple flash of magic teleportation light.
"Good morning gentlecolts," Twilight greeted. "I'm sure you've both already been briefed, but I will give you the same introduction for completeness. Welcome to my castle, here in Ponyville. I am Princess Twilight Sparkle. This is my protege, Starlight Glimmer. In my absence, she will represent me in all capacities and you will obey her word as you would obey my own. Spike is the dragon that lives here. Don't worry about him. He won't eat you."
"They've met him," Starlight interjected.
"Oh, good. Now, whom do I have the pleasure of being guarded by?" Pound Cake took off his helmet. Twilight's eyes lit up. "Oh my goodness! Pound Cake? Is that really you?" He smiled. She hugged him. "I didn't expect to see you!" She stepped back again to get a look at him. "Oh, and you look so handsome in your uniform!"
"Thank you Twi- uh, Your Highness," he said.
"Oh, stop that!" Twilight said, waving away at him. "We've known eachother your whole life. You can still just call me Twilight. Starlight, you remember Pound."
"Yes, sorry Pound. I didn't recognize you," Starlight said.
"We had heard that you had gone to Canterlot to join the guard. Are you excited to be back in Ponyville?"
"Yeah. Sure!" he said.
"Oh, this is going to be so much fun having you here for this rotation. And who is your friend here?" she asked. She and Pound turned to look at me. I took off my own helmet.
"Private Storm Cloud," I said with an exaggerated bow, "Your Highness." Twilight's smile didn't falter. Not in her mouth, anyway. But I could see it at the corners of her eyes. She wasn't really smiling anymore. She was just wearing a fake one. Twilight was a mare of many talents. But those talents did not include a good poker face.
"Private- Storm Cloud. It's... good to meet you," she said. "Starlight, why don't you show Pound to the guard quarters where they will be staying for their duty cycle? Pound, if you don't mind, I need Storm Cloud's help with something in the library. It will give me a chance to get to know him."
Starlight led Pound out of the library into the hallway. Twilight waited until the door closed behind them. She turned back to look at me, still wearing her fake smile to a creepy degree, speaking through her grit teeth.
"What-the-hell-are-you-doing-here-Stormageddon?"