//------------------------------// // Chapter 70 // Story: The Perilous Romance of Swans // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// What was he getting himself into? Gosling didn’t know. He was sweating in a cool room thinking about his date. It was almost zero hour. He wasn’t this nervous on his first blindfolded date with Celestia. Pacing, he stuck out his wings in a desperate attempt to cool off and walked with them fully extended. He loved Celestia, and he knew that he was in with her. His feelings were far more complicated for Luna. There was pressure here, so much pressure. Luna was… Celestia’s other half, but also so much more. Luna was also her own pony, her own being, and she was but a half a portion of the Royal Pony Sisters, who were greater than the sum of their parts. Celestia was like… well, Celestia was like a fine bottle of cider, there was some complexity there, but understanding all of it wasn’t necessary to enjoy it. Luna on the other hoof, was like a bottle of fine wine, far too complex and nuanced for him to get a taste for. But, he kept taking sips with the hopes that his palette would mature, and then, maybe, with time, he might enjoy what he was drinking. But for now, he had to admit, it was far too bitter and complex of a drink. “Gosling, if you do not cease your endless pacing, I shall be forced to sit on you.” Celestia looked up from the book she was reading and let out a muted whinny of disapproval. “I’m nervous.” With Gosling’s current mood, his accent made it sound like he said Oim noyvous. “And I am terrified that I am losing the country that I have so carefully nurtured.” Celestia cleared her throat. “I am trying to think of a plan to fix everything. To keep paying workers who labour in factories that no longer have owners or payroll services.” “Eh, give the factories to the workers,” Gosling said in a somewhat nasal inner-city whine. “Hook them up with an accountant and a few advisors. It’s cheaper to pay an accountant and a few advisors than it is to pay a whole legion of labourers. Payroll can be banked on whatever goods they produce.” “Hmm.” Celestia’s eyes narrowed. “Have you been listening to Twilight Sparkle?” “Maybe you should listen to Twilight Sparkle,” Gosling replied, deflecting the question in a way that he knew would make Raven proud of him. As he spoke, he thought about the book he had tucked away. As soon as he had a chance, he needed to start reading it and seeing if any of the ideas could be put to good use. “Gosling, my pretty little peacock, don’t you dare deflect my questions—” “Or you’ll sit on me?” Gosling asked as he came to a stop. He saw a smile on Celestia’s face. “You just wait, I’ll give you something to sit on.” “And what would that be?” Celestia’s eyebrow arched. “My protruding plot pounding pony poking puddin’ pole.” Gosling resumed his pacing and he heard a giggle as Celestia closed her book. He angled and stretched his wings in a shameless, almost vulgar plumage display as he tried to get the fidgets out of his system. Then, as he walked, he began to preen his wings, worried that they might not be perfect. “I’m writing that down so I can use it later.” Gosling’s feathers already gleamed, but the little touch up couldn’t hurt anything. He pulled a long primary through his lips and allowed the cleft of his tongue to slide over the edge. After a few pulls on his feathers, he became aware that Celestia was staring at him. With a snort and a whinny, he turned his preening into a show. “My sister has prepared one of her beloved comedies.” Celestia’s eyes lingered on Gosling, who continued to preen his feathers in a display of pure pegasus sex. “Gosling, just be the good pony that I know that you can be and everything will be fine. Now, you should go. Arrive early. That will impress her. While Luna loves punctuality, she prefers those who arrive early.” The feather in Gosling’s mouth slipped free and glistened with a fresh coating of oily waterproofing. “That’s good to know, thanks.” He raised his damp wing in a sultry salute, bowed his head, and then took off at a saucy canter, with his tail hiked high. Celestia was only all too happy to watch him go. The ‘theatre,’ such as it was, was a room down below the mezzanine off of the central hall. Gosling had been told that at one time, long ago, it served as a special set of cells that all faced off towards the rising sun, so that those condemned to die would know that their hour was approaching. Now, the walls had been knocked down to make one large room and the space had been turned into a theatre. Entering the double doors, he paused and had a look around. There was a white movie screen against one wall, large, but not very large. There were piles of pillows, a few sofas, one long couch, a few chaise lounges, and several overstuffed chairs. There was a faint musty smell, like an underground cellar. It was chilly down here, the modern heating and cooling ducts didn’t seem to make it to this area. Chilly was good. Chilly was snuggling temperatures. Ears perking, Gosling heard a soft creak from the other side of the room. Luna entered, and his breath caught in his throat. She had been groomed, she was gleaming from hoof to ear, and her wings were immaculate. But something was different. Something was very, very different and Gosling’s mouth fell open. Luna’s mane was not the usual ethereal cloud full of stars. It was a pale, pale blue and hung down in glorious strands along her neck, her withers, and spilled down her forelegs. After about six seconds of staring, Gosling’s wings exploded out from his sides with dual supersonic cracks. A demure smile teased around Luna’s lips, but did not show all of itself, only peeking out on one side or the other as Luna tossed her head around to show off her long, slender neck. “Shmokin’...” Gosling’s hind leg betrayed him and began stomping against the floor with rhythmic thumps. In his mind’s eye, he could see Cadance scolding him, and right away, he took control of himself. He forced his hind leg to stop thumping, but try as he might, he could not fold in his wings. “Mmmm…. daaayum.” “When your flattery is sincere, it amuses me greatly.” Luna batted her eyelashes at Gosling and strode into the room with a slow, well practiced sashay that made her hips rock. “Am I to understand that I am pleasing to thine eye?” Before Gosling could make a mess of things, he clamped his mouth shut and nodded. “I have selected an amusing comedy for us tonight. It is called ‘The Barn in the Woods.’ It is one of my favourites—and I have quite a collection of films. They intrigue me. I do not like electric lights, but I am fascinated by film projectors.” Again, Gosling nodded. All he could think about was Luna’s neck, and making little nibbles all up and down it—little neck nibbles as he caressed Luna’s back with his belly. A droplet of sweat rolled down from behind his ear. He was having some difficulties breathing as he thought about pushing her mane aside his with snoot so he could could get to the blue velvet flesh beneath. “Art thou well?” Snapping to attention, Gosling fell back on the only thing he knew, but his wings remained rebellious. “This princess’ pegasus is fine, Ma’am.” A coy smile made itself known and did nothing to hide itself. Something in Luna’s eyes twinkled and her right ear quivered. “I think I see some of what my sister sees in you.” Luna’s words were soft spoken and the white of her teeth became more visible as her lips pulled into a satisfied grin. “Come and sit with me, Gosling, so that I might dim the lights and start the film.” “As you so desire,” Gosling replied, his words sincere and full of meaning. The beam of light from the projection booth and the glow of the screen was the only light in the theatre. Gosling understood why Luna had done whatever she had done with her mane, it was a source of light and might have been distracting. Her body was heavy and warm against his own and somehow he managed to resist the powerful urge to lean over and nibble her neck. Her scent, the way she smelled, her perfume and her scent as a mare, almost drove him into delirium. He was going to behave through this if it killed him. Already, he was having trouble paying attention to the movie. It opened with a wide panning shot of some woods and there were screechy violins playing. Some credits rolled, but Gosling didn’t read them. “Luna…” “Yes, Gosling?” “How did you heal so quickly?” “Oh, that…” Luna’s words trailed off. “A little illusion magic goes a long way. It is quite taxing.” “Then make it stop,” Gosling whispered, “don’t be something you are not.” Letting out a faint sigh as her appearance rippled, Luna closed her eyes and ended her spell. Her face became misshapen and lumpy once more. One eye was still swollen, as was her ear. She looked at Gosling for a moment, and then turned away. As more credits rolled, Gosling reached out with his hoof, hooked around Luna’s neck, and pulled her closer. Not knowing if he was doing the right thing, he kissed her cheek, a quick, respectful peck, and then nuzzled the corner of her jaw for good measure. It had all been an act. The entrance, the sultry sashay, her stunning good looks, it was all an act. An act to impress him. “You kissed me.” Luna’s voice sounded strained. “Forgive me,” Gosling replied. “No, you kissed me after the illusion fell away… I am hideous.” “Shut up.” There was an almost inaudible gasp of shock from Luna and both of her ears pricked. She did not reply, but turned to look at Gosling, her eyes were both angry and curious. After a few seconds, the anger faded away and was replaced with something else, something that Gosling could not read, but he tried anyway, staring into her eyes. Then, after a small eternity of staring, Gosling knew what it was. Fear. Turning his head, he looked to the movie screen and watched the film as Luna recovered herself. He was scared too—he didn’t know if his little ‘shut up’ was the right thing to say or not. On screen a group of fillies and colts, all teenagers, all traveled along a dirt road through the woods. Some rode in the wagon, some walked beside it, and there was one lone earth pony in the whole group, and he pulled the wagon. Several things all snapped into Gosling’s head all at once. Luna was scared silly beside him, he was scared silly himself, this film wasn’t a comedy, and that poor earth pony was gonna die. Turning his head, Gosling’s snoot bumped into Luna’s jaw and he said, “That earth pony is gonna die.” “How do you know?” Luna asked. “There’s like a rule… this is a horror movie… and that earth pony is gonna die. They always do. Pegasi fly away, unicorns magic themselves to safety, and earth ponies… earth ponies get stuffed into wood chippers or get chopped by a chainsaw.” “A rule?” A quizzical expression contorted Luna’s swollen face. “I have never heard of such rule.” “Horror movies have rules,” Gosling replied as the teenagers on screen continued towards their doom. “Earth ponies die—” “That’s tribalist!” Luna gasped. “But it is true.” Gosling felt Luna shift against him, getting herself more comfortable. “You never have nookie in a horror movie. You’ll die. Stay a virgin in a horror movie, and you’ll live. If you are a black or otherwise dark pony, you gonna die. If you are a light pony, or better yet, a white pony, you gonna live. Them’s the rules.” Looking disturbed, Luna shook her head. “I’ve never noticed this before. Gosling… you’re black… and grey… and I’m dark blue… we’d never survive a horror movie.” “Ah, but I’m a virgin, so there’s a chance I might live.” “Hmm.” Luna’s mouth pressed into a lopsided line. “I can regrow my hymen at any time.” Ears afire, Gosling prevented himself from making any sort of remark on what Luna had just said. The back of his neck felt sweaty and he had to struggle to keep his perverted mind from hijacking his mouth. He had to be a good pegasus, no matter the cost, even if it meant his head exploding. “How come I have never noticed these ‘rules’ before?” Luna asked. Shrugging, Gosling felt Luna snuggling up a little closer to him. One foreleg was now around his neck. He had to behave. “If the horror movie takes place in the woods, then the inner city ponies are gonna die. If the horror movie takes place in the city, the hick ponies are gonna die. Especially hick earth ponies, they gonna die bad. It’ll be a real splatterfest.” “That’s… atrocious.” “That’s just how it is. Ponies pay bits to watch movies where earth ponies get chopped to bits, especially the hick earth ponies. Movies is messed up, Luna. The black pony is always the bad guy. And if you’s black and red, you’s a special kind of bad guy, and you gonna die in a spectacular way. White ponies or light ponies are always the good guys and the audience roots for them.” “But… you and I… we’re the good ponies, Gosling.” Luna’s voice held a note of pain in it. “Thinking about the many films in my collection, everything you just said holds true. How come I have never noticed?” “Because, yous was too busy watching earth ponies getting chopped to bits or rootin’ for the good guy. And you knew they was the good guy, because they is all colour coded so the audience doesn’t have to think.” “Gosling…” “Yes, Luna?” “I hate to give away the movie, but the earth pony pulling the wagon is the first to die.” “I sorta figured that, Luna.” “Let us watch the movie, and see how your rules hold up…”