//------------------------------//
// Bat Her Up 
// Story: Shellstrings 
// by shortskirtsandexplosions 
//------------------------------//




Appleloosa – Main Street – High Noon




Lyra panted.

She stumbled down a road full of criss-crossing wagon trails.

Her eyes darted to the left.

Chatting Appleloosans lingered around the general store, comparing fruit from separate apple carts.  Bustling villagers shuffled in and out of nearby marketplaces talking and laughing.

Lyra gulped.

Her eyes darted to the right.

A group of stallions shuffled into a salt bar.  As the front doors swung open, alluring female voices could be heard cooing from inside the saloon.

FLASH!  Lyra morphed into a raunchily dressed showmare.

"Grnnngh!"  She purred before slapping herself viciously in the painted face.

FLASH!  She was a mint green everymare once again.

~o~There are far too many mortals here.~o~

Lyra's teeth chattered as she stumbled down the heart of town.

~o~So many emotions and feelings.  You cannot guard yourself from them all.~o~

Lyra gulped, taking a sharp right as she passed a dusty intersection.

~o~We, on the other hoof, can teach you focus.~o~

The mare fumed harder and harder... hotter and hotter.

~o~How to sustain yourself... at least until you lead us to the nearest hive.~o~

Lyra rubbed her green forehead.  She glanced at her hoof in mid-trot.  "Why aren't I sweating?"  She gulped.  "Also... after all the crud I've seen... why haven't I done number one?"

~o~You speak of equine excrement.~o~

Lyra did a double-take in the air.  "Huh?"

~o~Allow us to take care of that for you.~o~

A burst of flame emanated from Lyra's horn.  Two feet in front of her: a cloud of urine and defecation materialized before falling sloppily to the earth.  She instantly felt lighter.

~o~So long as you maintain a reasonable diet, we can show you how and where to expel the undesirable fluids...~o~

"Gaaaaaaaaah!"  Lyra Heartstrings leapt melodramatically away from the scatalogical display.  She tripped over the hoofing of a saloon's front stoop and collapsed on her back.  "Ooomf!"

Creaaak!

A hiccuping stallion cradling a bottle limped out through the swinging doors.

Lyra took one upside down glance of the pony—FLASH!—and became him.

The stallion blinked at his doppelganger.

Lyra blinked up at the stallion.

Silence.

The stallion glanced at his drink, teetered... and strolled right back into the saloon.

Cr-Creak!

Lyra was left along on her masculine hind quarters.

~o~You're wasting our valuable time.~o~

"Grrrrrr!"  Lyra jumped up to her hooves, snarling in a deep voice.  "In case you haven't noticed, Einstallion, but you have no sway over where my legs take me!  You're not in control!  I am!  So maybe it's high time you stopped making stupid demands and just let me get on with my bucking life!"

~o~How can you make a train ride home when you can't even defend yourself?~o~

Lyra's stubbly face twisted.  "Huh?"

"There you are, ya no good sleezy varmint!"

"???"  Lyra spun to face the source of the gruff voice.

Two vaguely familiar thugs mosey'd on up to the front of the saloon.  One brandished a splintery two-by-four brazenly out in the open.

"We done told ya, runt!"  The bigger of the two spat into the dust and squinted.  "You were supposed to pay us the money by the end of the week or... else..."  He froze in place, ears twitching curiously.

Lyra fidgeted on her unshorn feltlocks.  "Is there something I can help you gentlecolts with?" she spoke in a sterile, masculine voice.

"How come you ain't rollin' drunk on the ground as always this time of the day?" the smaller thug asked.

"Ain't no matter if he's sober or not."  The bigger crook smirked.  "A sissy's a sissy.  Ain't that right?"

A fixed point of green light flickered just ahead of Lyra's forehead—too quick for the others to see.  "Clint."  She droned.  "Charley."

"Hey, Clint!"  The smaller chuckled.  "He remembers us!"

Lyra's muzzle scrunched.  "I do?"

"Fancy that!"  Charley clenched his jaws.  "Maybe he remembers the bits he owes us too."

"Look."  Lyra waved a hoof.  "I'm not wanting to start any trouble."

"Heh... sure thang!"  Charley flexed his muscles.  "And I ain't wantin' to use yer skull for a pinata bat."

"What."  Lyra blinked.

As soon as her eyelids fluttered open...

...she saw nothing but wood.

CRACKKKK!