//------------------------------// // Eleven: I Want to Blame You // Story: Rain without Rainbows // by Leoshi //------------------------------// Rain without Rainbows !Disclaimer!: Honestly? I’d like to own ponies. They can be very useful creatures. But, sadly, I do not own ponies, especially those owned by Faust, Theisson, and the Hub network. Hello, folks, and welcome back. To recap the last chapter (which was a monster!), Rainbow Dash was brought back home to Ponyville, where Luna was able to extract the dark magic from her. The magic tried to escape, leaving Rainbow with her friends in the library. Celestia arrived just in time to help her recover, while Luna was attacked by a powerful alicorn named Alucard, just outside of Everfree. He escaped, leaving her to return to Ponyville with her injuries. And now, we pick up in the aftermath. Rainbow Dash has some explaining to do, but the mystery is far from understood. Let’s begin. ACT II - The Pariah Chapter eleven: I Want to Blame You Dancing colors. A spot of bright light moving from one side to the other. Dull noises, some far away, others nearby. The sensation of swimming beneath a sea, one heavy with water, and no chance for air in sight. Weight, she felt a weight, something covering her body. A soft ticking, rhythmic, constant. A clock? ‘Rainbow Dash, open your eyes’ her mind said. ‘No, I want to rest. Forever.’ A weight was lifted, soon replaced by other feelings becoming known. A terrible ache behind her eyes, the feeling of sand being pumped down her throat. One foreleg was numb, but her body was resting on it, so that was normal. Her nose itched, but she didn’t want to scratch it. She didn’t want to do anything. ‘Come on, now, it’s time to get up. Time to come back.’ ‘But I’ve done so much already,’ she replied internally. ‘I don’t want to do anything else. I’m tired.’ The colors shifted, slowly taking shape. Hard wooden floors, covered by various rugs and tables. One table held a centerpiece statue, which was familiar to her. It was sideways, pointing to the right, toward a ceiling which was also a wall. There, much closer - a simple bowl, with cool water rippling within. A second dish was nearby, apple wedges and sprigs of hay resting atop. The sand in her throat, the dry sand scorching her, she needed to wet it, quench it, drown it. “Time to wake up, Rainbow Dash,” a voice above her said, and not a voice in her mind. The owner was speaking to her, but didn’t notice her waking up. Rainbow Dash opened her eyes, a battle in itself. She saw the water bowl in front of her, angled sideways just like the statue. That wasn’t right. She blinked herself into awareness, and learned that she was the one who was sideways, lying on the floor. There was a blanket next to her, recently removed from her sleeping form. She pushed it aside as she closed the gap between the water and her lips. The bowl was knocked off-balance, splashing some of the precious fluid within over the edges. Rainbow didn’t care. She needed to drown the feeling of sand in her throat. The sound of slurping reaching her ears was almost comical - she would have laughed were she able to speak. Water, glorious water, made its way into her body. “Rainbow!” cried the voice above her. There were others, too, scattered around. She looked up, but pulled her head back as the intrusive light invaded her senses. She hadn’t seen light like that in what felt like years. After a moment spent recovering from the flash, Rainbow Dash looked up a second time. ‘Am I dreaming?’ she wondered. Around her were her friends. All five of them, looking at her with worry and relief, some with tears in their eyes. Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie. They looked at her, expectant. Rainbow blinked. That one motion seemed to break the hesitant expectancy that held the five ponies around her, and they all moved at once. Very suddenly, Rainbow Dash was caught in the center of a group hug, which she noticed felt reserved. Perhaps they were still worried for her health, and so didn’t want to hold her too tightly. The cyan pegasus connected the dots, one by one. This hug, the severe thirst, her lessened hunger, the warmth of the room and of the bodies holding her - all of it was real. None of it was a dream. She wrapped her forelegs around her friends, straining to get a glimpse of them. There were no dark marks, no white lines, nor any magical aura. She was alive...she had recovered. Her face fell. After a long moment, the group pulled away, taking their own places around her. Everypony gazed at Rainbow Dash, who in turn gazed at the wooden floor beneath her. There should have been an awkward silence, but the air was constantly broken by soft noises coming from across the room. Rainbow paid it no concern, but Twilight seemed distracted. “Rainbow.” She looked up - Applejack, the owner of the voice from before, gazed at her with caution. “How’re you feelin’?” she asked quietly. Rainbow’s thirst suddenly became severe again, no doubt because of her anxiety. She hesitated, picked up the bowl of water, and drank from it again. She didn’t answer. How could she? Nearby, Rarity cleared her throat. All eyes turned to her. “Applejack, dear...I think we have more pressing issues to mind.” The farm pony waited a moment, forming a proper response, but was interrupted by the most unlikely of phrases spoken by the equally most unlikely of equines. “Twilight,” Celestia called. “Do you have a brush nearby?” Rainbow was so taken aback by the sudden sentence that she lightly giggled. Perhaps this was all a dream after all. What kind of reality would have Princess Celestia asking her student for a hairbrush? Clearly this was all in her- “How can you laugh at a time like this?” Rarity started, affronted. The fashionista’s abject surprise silenced Rainbow’s momentary glee. They looked at each other, neither mare understanding the other. Twilight did her best to focus on the question she had been asked. “Uh, yes, one moment...” She called on her magic, picturing the upstairs loft, the dresser near the wall, and the brush atop. Her magic reached out and gripped the tool, floating it down to the first floor. The unicorn passed it along to her mentor, who Rainbow finally saw on the other side of the room. The sun regent was the source of the soft noises from a moment ago, it seemed. Rainbow Dash, intrigued, sat up and looked over her friends. As she had guessed, Celestia was standing in front of a long table some yards away, the newly acquired brush held aloft in her golden magic. Rainbow could only make out her head and face, and was confused to see terror in the princess’ royal features. Celestia leaned down, whispering something toward the table. Rainbow’s ears perked, and she picked up the words “I’m sorry.” Her intrigue only grew, and she finally mustered enough strength to stand on all fours. She rose, opened her eyes, and was immediately thrust from a possible dream to a definite nightmare. Celestia gently floated the brush to Luna, who was lying on the table on her left side. The moon regent took the brush’s handle between her teeth, her breathing increasing in what was obviously fear. And that was when Rainbow noticed Luna’s wing - the mangled, ruined, bloodied image of what was once a strong appendage. The sight made Rainbow feel sick, but she couldn’t look away. “I’m sorry,” Celestia repeated, louder now, in an effort to bolster her own resolve. The apology was Luna’s signal to bite on the brush handle. She turned her head away, looking at the far wall, unable to do anything but wait. The situation was clear - Luna’s wing was in such a shape that it would not heal properly. Celestia would have to break it again in order to set it correctly. After a long moment of hesitation, Celestia focused her magic on Luna’s badly injured wing. The bones and feathers became enveloped in a golden shine, which remained suspended for a few seconds. Then, with an anguished look, Celestia bared her teeth. A resounding crack immediately rent the air. Luna bit down on the handle, stifling her cries of pain. Her wing went from one impossible angle to another, and two dark feathers came loose, floating in the corona of golden power. Celestia bared her teeth again, and a second, more agonizing crack sounded. Tears flowed freely from both alicorns, one with her eyes closed, the other unable to close hers. With a third and final bare of her teeth, Celestia pulled at the wing, straightening it until it stood rigid. A series of smaller breaks sounded like stones falling down a well. Luna, simply unable to handle the excruciating experience, lost consciousness with a grunt. The brush fell out of her mouth, and the handle was riddled with deep teeth marks. Celestia stood like a vigil, still unable to blink, feeling her tears flow down her cheeks and onto the floor below. With a deep, shuddering breath, she expanded her magic to a nearby first-aid kit, gathering bandages and a splint. She set the bone, cleaned the blood, and - finally releasing her magic - let the two primary feathers fall to earth. The noise had, of course, drawn the full attention of the ponies in the room, but none of them dared breathe a word. Celestia was the only one who moved, and when she did, the movements were those of a mare unable to handle the strain. She lowered her head, allowing a violent shudder to course through her shoulders. A sob was stifled, and she wiped away her tears, yet still more emerged. Like a broken dam. Like broken defenses. Slowly, Celestia felt a different force boiling in her. Her regal compassion began to fade in the wake of her beloved sister’s condition. In its’ place was something else. Not new - she had felt it before, many centuries ago. It wasn’t a new feeling, but it also wasn’t familiar...yet she still felt a hot focus claim her senses. Her eyes stared at the broken wing of her sister. Slowly, methodically, the sun regent came to a conclusion. Luna had told her everything about her encounter with the black alicorn, including every word he spoke. It was clear that he was to blame for the assaulting orb that had nearly killed her pupil. And there was a chance that he had also bound his magic to Rainbow Dash, several years ago. However, something very specific was still confusing her. And that confusion gave way to the new feeling she felt heating up inside her. Slowly, Celestia turned her head to look at the group of friends behind her. As she turned, a part of her mind noticed that she had stopped crying, and her eyes had dried. Twilight looked up into her teacher’s face, and immediately, she knew. The bloodshot eyes, the streaks of tears, the ragged breathing...Celestia was more than confused. She was more than worried, concerned, or scared. She was angry. With a start, the lavender librarian stood up and trotted over. “Princess Celestia...” she began. Her words did not raise any reaction from the alicorn, who began taking slow steps toward the group. Twilight tried again. “Princess, wait,” she called, placing one hoof on her mentor’s foreleg. “Wait, please!” Finally, Celestia looked down into Twilight’s eyes. The gaze told her everything. The Sun Princess was no longer interested in, or capable of, being a friend to these little ponies. She could not continue to treat them as equals or allies. If being close to them resulted in Luna’s injuries, then it was time to become what she had thus far avoided being. For the six ponies before her, Princess Celestia was just that - the ruler of Equestria, voice and law of their land. And it was time she started playing the part. That was what Twilight saw in those eyes. Gone was the caring, compassionate shine to which she had grown so accustomed. Gone was the fire of love that Celestia had kept burning for centuries. Gone were the telltale stars of laughter, subtle pranks, and filly-like wonder. Celestia had had enough. “Stand aside, Twilight Sparkle,” she softly commanded. Her words were dangerous, like a headman’s noose - simple rope fashioned into a lethal loop, and simple words with a deathly serious undertone. With no choice and no courage to test her ruler, Twilight took a step back. She sat down, looking at the floor, her ears angled downward. There was nothing she could do. Princess Celestia flicked her gaze upward, aligning her narrowed eyes with those of Rainbow Dash. Instinctively, the pegasus sat down, the sheer weight of the glare as physical as if Celestia had just pushed her. In a moment that was stretched by the situation, the alicorn closed the gap between them. When Celestia spoke, her voice was dry. Merciless. “Rainbow Dash. Let me begin by saying I understand if you feel frail and tired. Nopony here has gone through what you have endured, and doubtless the same can be said for what you have tried to do.” The implied criticism for Rainbow’s attempted suicide made her cringe. She lowered her gaze. Her first mistake. “Do not look away,” Celestia commanded. Words like a noose. The recovered exile hesitated, feeling a new batch of fear eat at her senses. She looked up again, locking her gaze with that of her majesty. The sun regent continued. “I say I understand because I do. But make no mistake - I do not feel pity for you, nor do I feel you deserve any special consideration, at least not yet. Despite how much I want to act on emotion...and believe me, nothing would please me more...despite that, I need to know. I need to know exactly what you know. “Rainbow Dash, you’re going to tell me everything. All that you know about the alicorn stallion who is known as Alucard.” A legitimate air of confusion fell about the pegasus. Her eyes were suddenly alight with questions, and she managed to voice one. “Wh...what? I don’t underst-” “Allow me to help you understand, then,” Celestia interrupted, her voice louder and, if it were possible, even more merciless. She turned her body, allowing Rainbow the full view of Luna’s sad state. “My sister is lying there, gravely injured, because she was attacked by a strange stallion who commanded immeasurable power. Powers that he gained after claiming the magic that was bound to you. Powers that he praises as the orb that assaulted your friends here. And, what baffles me the most, he spoke of you.” The princess turned again, focusing her eyes on the unfortunate mare before her. “He spoke of you, Rainbow Dash, as a familiar. Like the two of you have had dealings in the past. If he knows you, then surely you must know him. Now do you understand? I want you, to tell me, everything.” She took two fierce steps forward to enunciate her last sentence. Rainbow didn’t notice that she had backed up until she felt Applejack behind her. With a start like she had been jolted, Rainbow looked around - the faces of her old friends were all as confused as hers. A moment passed as dusty memories began to float upward. Rainbow Dash reached for her water and downed the remaining contents in a sloppy gulp. Some drops were flowing down her forelegs, but she didn’t notice them. She closed her eyes, trying her best to picture the archaic memory. The flashes of the pictures gave way to words, but they were jumbled; nothing made sense. Rainbow twisted her neck, straining to find some harmony to the chaos. Finally, words began to form. “It was all a dream.” His horn's light flared again, though barely. He grinned warmly. "Well, well…" he began. "This is a surprise. What would persuade miss Rainbow Dash to visit me at this hour?" That was how it began, Rainbow told them. She had followed a shadowy figure to the backstage of a concert, because she had thought the figure was Princess Luna, come to visit during a night she had brought. She remembered how she constantly wondered how this alicorn colt knew so much about her, but she didn’t pay too much attention to it. In fact, the one thing she was reminded of the most was the light of his horn, and how it kept upsetting her headache every time it flared. She returned his grin. "Ya heard of me, huh?" He had been a smooth-talker, a real charmer. Somehow, this colt had the uncanny trait to say all the right things at all the right times. They talked for some time, and he steered the conversation to the Wonderbolts, and her absence in their flock, at every opportunity. "Your idols, the Wonderbolts. The flight team you've been trying to get in to for most of your young life. Why have they not offered you a spot on their roster?" He had been obsessed with the subject. As obsessed as she had been with her Sonic Rainboom in the weeks leading up to the Best Young Flier Competition. As obsessed as she had been with gaining their attention at the Grand Galloping Gala. As obsessed as she had been with anything she was passionate about. It was all he could talk about. And he had appealed to her pride at every chance he found. "Baffling," he muttered. "What else could they want from you? Surely you've shown them enough talent…?" Finally, she had lamented her disappointment at not having made the cut. She told him how she was worried that she may have angered the team or their leader. At the time, she had poured out a number of viable reasons, but none were more true than when she said she didn’t know what was keeping her back. As he closed the distance between them, he whispered. "If you'll allow me, I can give you the skill you'll need to win the approval of your idols." As she continued to tell the dream, she felt weaker and weaker. What about Alucard and his uncanny knowledge of her made her feel so vulnerable? How had he so easily hooked her with his offering? And why had she so blindly accepted that offer? ‘What will happen to me? Does it matter?' she had thought. If only she knew. But Rainbow couldn’t lie - not now, and certainly not to Celestia’s face. So she continued to talk. And as she continued to talk, her throat began to go dry again, and it had nothing at all to do with thirst. The dark colt's grin grew wider. "Make a wish." The magic, his magic, his promise to make her a better flier. How had it gone? It seemed like something ethereal, like she were seeing the spell through another pony’s eyes. And even if it were a dream, like she so believed, hadn’t the pain felt real? As she told the story, she felt less and less certain that what she saw was a dream at all. Somehow, the years of not thinking about the exchange had made the details sharper, made more terrifying by the experiences she now held. Panic began to eat at her senses. Her eyes flew open, and she had Alucard's name in her throat, ready to shout…but he wasn't there. Perhaps it really was real...the beginning of her unending nightmare. And this, where she was now, was just another chapter in her story of anguish. But if that were true, then the forces above truly were cruel beings. She hadn’t wished harm on anypony. "What the heck?" she cried, forcing her gaze up toward the sky above her. Only to see a bolt of black lightning arcing directly toward her. She hadn’t wished harm on anypony? What had she wished? “And then I...woke up. I woke up in my house the following day, like nothing had happened. I went about my day as normal, and that was it until the...until the t-tryouts came to town.” “And there is nothing else?” Celestia pried. “No,” Rainbow replied - a little quickly, it seemed. “That was it. It all seemed like a bad dream, so I never thought about it until now.” After a moment for the story to sink in, Pinkie Pie, who had been sitting patiently the entire time, finally perked. “I don’t remember dreaming that!” The question took everypony aback. Applejack looked over. “What in tarnation are you talkin’ about, Pinkie?” “Her so-called ‘dream’ about Alucard, of course! If she’s right, then she ran into him right after the concert!” “Concert?” Rainbow breathed. That’s right - there had been a concert held just minutes before she had encountered the colt. “What does the concert have to do with-” “Silly, I was there, remember?” “Oh...oh yeah.” Rainbow blinked. She felt ever the foal. “I was there at the concert with you, and left about the same time you did!” Pinkie went on. “If you dreamed your whole meeting with this Alucard bully, then you would have had to have dreamed the concert too, right? Then that means I would have dreamt the concert, and then I would have dreamt him!” Applejack’s mouth drew into a grim slash. Sometimes, Pinkie logic made sense when it shouldn’t, by any account. “So, did you see this Alucard guy?” “Nope!” The farm mare gave her bubbly friend an all-too appropriate stare. “Then again,” the party pony pressed, “I suppose I wouldn’t have anyway. I was busy helping with the search!” For the second time in as many minutes, Rainbow Dash blinked in confusion. “Search? What search?” “The search for the band’s missing member, of course! Gosh, did you forget that too?” “I never knew.” This time, Rarity chipped in. “Oh yes, I heard about that. Seems one of the band’s players disappeared right after the concert. The rest of the group spent all night and most of the morning looking for him.” “I wanted to organize a search party,” Pinkie continued, “but they didn’t like my streamers. What do they have against streamers?” Rarity ignored the eccentric ranting. She turned her attention to Rainbow. “You mean you never heard about it? Even though you were there?” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “It was dreadful,” the white unicorn explained. “He was one of their guitar players, and he simply vanished after he and his friends dropped the curtain. The last I heard, they were moving on to the outskirts of Ponyville to continue their search, and that was around lunchtime the day after.” Celestia tapped a hoof, and it was easy to see that she was restraining herself. “None of that matters right now.” Rainbow fell silent. Everyone was silent. The only sounds were those of Luna, who breathed softly, and Rainbow, who gently ran her hoof along the floor. The absence of speech was as heavy as sin. Everypony was desperate for someone to speak, yet none wanted to do the speaking. After a minute, after an age, after a lifetime it seemed, Celestia moved. Her anger, suffice to say, had receded, but not faded. She gazed at Rainbow’s bowed head, flitting from one opinion to the next, unsatisfied with any of them. She took a breath as though to speak, hesitated, and took another. “Nothing else?” Slowly, Rainbow Dash met her eyes. Celestia didn’t need to probe her subject to know that she was hiding nothing. The truth, the anguish, was easily seen in the genuine spark that was dying behind her eyes. The princess held the stare for a moment longer before turning away. The silence returned, somehow heavier than before. Fluttershy rested one hoof on Rainbow’s own, trying to wrest some comfort between the contact. It was a touching, if useless, sentiment. Twilight looked to her mentor, hoping to discern some of her thoughts. But Celestia hid her face. Twilight looked back to Rainbow, her own thoughts easily readable. Celestia spoke. It was sudden. “I’m prepared to accept this as the truth, Rainbow Dash.” The six mares looked up, some slower than others. Celestia continued, but did not face them. “If what you say is true, then it’s likely you did not know what manner of binding you accepted. Alucard may have tricked you. Is this possible?” Rainbow didn’t answer, but then the princess didn’t expect as much. “In the matter of the orb that assaulted Ponyville,” Celestia continued, “Alucard has admitted fault. And the fact that he claimed the root magic as his own means we can assume his fault in that regard. Doubtless, he’s guilty of attacking Luna, and I’ll see to it that he’s brought to justice for these three crimes.” Rainbow blinked. “Three crimes?” “I promise you this: there will be nowhere in Equestria he can hide. We will flush him out, one way-” Celestia turned her head, allowing Rainbow to see a vicious flash of her well-maintained anger. “-or another.” Something in Rainbow snapped taut. She felt herself standing without even meaning too. “What about me?” she blurted. If Celestia was surprised by the outburst, she hid it. Instead, she slowly turned to face her subjects, angling her head on an upward tilt. “Explain yourself,” she said. “Alucard may be guilty for those three crimes, like you said. But I’m still guilty for what happened to the W-Wonderbolts, aren’t I?” Something snapped taut in everypony else. In a heartbeat, her five friends all stood and faced her, some trying to talk her out of such a claim, others wondering where the claim had come from. Even Celestia showed a bit of shock, but nobody bothered to notice it. Rainbow rose her voice, shouting above the cascade of questions and outcries. “Listen! If Alucard bound that magic to me, then that’s one thing! But he had no reason to want the Wonderbolts dead. That was all my fault!” Celestia stepped forward, her size bringing silence to the five ponies who had swarmed the pegasus. She said nothing, prompting Rainbow to continue. “The whole reason they died was because of the magic that was bound to me, right?  It wouldn’t make sense for both Spitfire and Soarin’ to be hit like I was hit, but then the only one who was marked was me! I remember you telling me,” she ranted, looking at Fluttershy, “something while I was in urgent care. You said that the magic seemed to emerge from me while I was flying, like it came from me. That makes it my responsibility! “You see it, don’t you? If it weren’t for me accepting his offer, then the Wonderbolts wouldn’t have been killed that day! That magic was released from me, and it killed other pegasi just because they were too close. I was like a...like a bomb for this magic, only because I agreed to Alucard’s offer. Because I...made the wish.” Celestia turned her head downward, not once blinking or turning away. “Wish? What wish?” Rainbow let out a long breath. “To be better than the Wonderbolts.” Applejack couldn’t stand idly by any further. “That’s enough o’ that!” She stood rigid, fighting an inner conflict of belief - how is it that everypony could be wrong about Rainbow Dash, especially Rainbow Dash herself? “I won’t have you talkin’ like that, Rainbow.” “But you see it, don’t yo-” “All I see is an old friend o’ mine behaving like she’s to blame for something she didn’t do!” “But maybe I wanted it to happen.” “No! No you didn’t!” The farm mare was screaming now, unable to bear the thought. “I know you, Rainbow, and I know that you wouldn’t ever want somepony to be hurt, let alone killed! It’s not like you - you hold the Element of Loyalty! What kind of loyalty would it be if you went around wishin’ harm on everyone you saw?” Rainbow stood still for a moment, locking gazes with Applejack - the tears in both of their eyes were easily seen. “You haven’t given up on me, have you?” “Never,” she whispered. The group of ponies stood still for a moment, each one processing the exchange. Nearby, Luna stirred, muttering something. Celestia went over to keep an eye on her, gently comforting her sister. After a moment, the sun princess lifted her head and gazed at the group of six mares. “It’s getting late,” she said. “I need to tend to my duties back in Canterlot.” “Princess,” Rarity began, “is that really necessary right now?” “You might think so, but the rest of Equestria still needs its’ night. With Luna like...like this,” she trailed, momentarily encountering a surge of emotion, “it falls to me to take care of her responsibilities.” Luna whispered something that only Celestia could hear. The elder sister laid one hoof on her younger, smiling grimly. “Whether you’re guilty or not, Rainbow Dash, is a judgement I cannot make right now. Your crime is years old, and ponies may have moved on, but Alucard is still at large. Luna thinks he’s planning something, so I do too.” Celestia’s horn became awash in golden magic, and she mentally reached for the door behind her, gently opening it to the world at dusk. Her pegasi guards - the same who had recovered Luna from the edge of Everfree - were standing outside, ever at attention. “Above all, right now I need to get Luna safely home, and make sure you six remain protected. I’ll leave some of my guard here with you, and I recommend you don’t leave. For you all, this library is probably the safest place to be.” The two guards entered and assisted Luna outside. She sat awkwardly in the chariot a moment later, doing her best to keep her bloodshot eyes open. While the pegasi hitched themselves and prepared for takeoff, Celestia continued talking. “Rainbow Dash, make no mistake - you’re not exonerated for what happened to the Wonderbolts. But with you back with us, we can make another attempt to find the truth of the matter. To that end...” she trailed off, looking at the cyan pegasus. Her gaze spoke volumes. Rainbow caught on to the message immediately. She stood a little taller. “I won’t run. I’m...tired of running and hiding.” “That’s not all I don’t want you doing,” Celestia muttered. She turned to Twilight. “Make sure she’s kept safe. Even from herself.” Twilight blinked, hesitated, then nodded. The message was clear. It was nearly an hour before anyone spoke again. Celestia had left with her sister and about half of the unicorn guard, leaving the rest to stand by outside the library tree. Thankfully, the clouds manifested by Alucard’s magic had begun to break up, and before long, the fiery sky was coaxed into the deepening darkness that was night. It was a sign that the two royal sisters had arrived at their home with no problems. During that time, Rainbow had kept to herself. She idly ate the apple wedges and hay sprigs that she had earlier ignored, unable to appreciate the taste of either. With Celestia’s power wearing out, it fell to her to keep her strength up. So she ate, but not ravenously - her movements were slow, guilt-ridden. Facing Celestia and her fury had been easy. The real challenge now came in having to answer to her friends. Rainbow knew she had betrayed them, tricked them all, and ultimately failed in her final attempt at escape - Celestia had seen to that. Now was the time to face the music, as Applejack would say. Except Applejack didn’t say that. Instead, as the hour of silence grew heavy and simply annoying, she repeated her question from before. “How're you feelin’?” Rainbow held a half-eaten apple wedge to her mouth. She returned it to the bowl, casting her gaze downward. “I’m tired...really tired.” “You gonna be okay?” Applejack asked, lying next to her friend with a fresh glass of water. Rainbow took it and began nursing it. “You really had me scared back there, with all your talk about how it’s your fault.” “I...” Rainbow trailed off. She couldn’t hope to explain herself - even she wasn’t completely sure of what to think.  “...you feelin’ up enough to talk?” “I can try. What about?” Applejack nodded toward the four mares scattered around the library. Seeing her, they all congregated around Rainbow Dash, silently lying on their stomachs. ‘Face the music,’ Rainbow mused. “About why you tried to off yourself,” the farm mare answered. The rainbow-maned pegasus gave a weak smile, playing off the guilt like some foregone memory. “That’s what a murderer deserves, isn’t it?” Applejack bit her tongue, fighting every urge to disagree. Everpony looked at Rainbow Dash as she began. “I’ve had a very long time to think about all this. It’s been hard to get the images of the attack at the cloudiseum out of my head. No matter how many times I try to think of something happy...I always come back to that day.” She shut her eyes, resting her chin on her forelegs. “I’m scared,” she finally admitted. The words sounded so foreign to the group gathered around her. In all the years they had known the risk-taking pegasus, never once had she openly admitted to being scared. Even when it was obvious she was startled, she would proudly deny ever being so. But now, she was scared. While some of her friends were surprised at this news, there were two who were expecting it. Applejack and Rarity, who had seen the mare at her worst in the hillside cave. The way she had reacted to Applejack’s first attempt at physical contact... “Scared of what?” Applejack whispered. “Of everything. The magic, the memory of what I’ve done, lightning, flying...everything that’s happened just scares me, freaks me out like never before,” Rainbow explained, keeping her eyes closed, unable to look her friends in the eye. “Stupid, isn’t it? A pegasus who’s afraid to fly?” “Not that stupid,” Fluttershy muttered. “You don’t get it. What happened to me, at the tryouts...that big ball of magic that hit me? I was in the air, in my element, in my home. It struck me so hard, I thought I would never fly again. Then when I learned that it had killed ponies...that just made it worse. “And it keeps getting worse. I’m even scared of lightning now. I’m supposed to be a weather mare, aren’t I? I can bundle up storm clouds and have them fire lightning whenever I want!” Rainbow looked around, beginning to get a little excited. Her throat didn’t go dry, but it did begin to burn. “Flying, lightning...that one incident ruined me. It took away everything I had, and now...well...” She trailed off, trying to calm herself. “How did you become scared of lightning?” Twilight asked. She had never known her friend to have that particular fear. Rarity took the liberty. “When she flew away from the hospital, she went straight into the storm. It wasn’t long before she was hit by a stray bolt.” “Oh gosh. I...I’m sorry.” “Don’t be,” Rainbow muttered. “It’s not your fault. Nothing is your fault - just mine.” Applejack visibly tensed. “You keep sayin’ that. Why?” “Heh. Because it’s true.” “Horseapples,” the farm mare responded. “I don’t buy that for a minute, and neither should you.” Rainbow continued to challenge her. “Do you remember where the magic came from? Did you see from which direction it arrived?” Applejack opened her mouth, but quickly realized she didn’t have an answer. The wheels in her head turned rapidly, picturing that one fateful day. The cloudesium, the Wonderbolts, the rainbow streak that followed her friend... The farm mare blinked. The way the rainbow streak had darkened, in the moments leading up to the attack. Rainbow saw the understanding dawn on her. “That’s right. You all saw it come from me. Not from over the wall, or from anypony else. It came from me, didn’t it?” When Rainbow asked the question, her tone betrayed some of her forlorn hope. Somewhere, deep inside, a part of her wanted to believe that this was still all a bad dream. She was desperate for her friends to answer with a no. Applejack had the answer, but she didn’t dare say it. Fluttershy, however, did. “Y-yes.” Twilight spoke up, ever the voice of reason. “But that doesn’t make sense! Rainbow, you’re not able to cast magic, so how could you have possibly cast that spell during your tryouts?” “Or even want to?” Pinkie Pie offered. Rainbow cast her gaze down, traces of guilt beginning to shine through her fearful features. “That dre- ...that night I met Alucard,” she corrected, “he promised me I could have the skill I needed to surpass the Wonderbolts. A part of me wanted that to be true - I wanted to be so good, even Spitfire would let me captain the team one day. “I never told him that, and I was afraid to admit it to myself. I’ve been afraid to for all these years. But every time I think about the tryouts, waking up in the hospital...and even the night I made the wish...this is the only thing that makes sense.” “That’s not fair,” Applejack voiced. “If Alucard’s involved, then we gotta ask him what he knows.” “Alucard wasn’t at the tryouts, though.” “He coulda been hidin’.” “Where? We walked through most of the building. And besides, he’s an alicorn with a dark coat - he would stick out against the clouds easily.” “Maybe he was on the other side than where we came in!” “Then why didn’t he attack when the Wonderbolts were getting into uniform?” “That don’t matter none!” Applejack was beginning to lose her patience. “If he’s involved, and it’s clear that he is, then we gotta get the truth from ‘im!” “Alucard bound the magic to me. He gave me the weapon - I’m the one who used it!” Very suddenly, Rainbow Dash’s face was jerked to one side. Applejack, her calm snapped, had reached out and slapped her friend across the cheek. It wasn’t enough to cut into her coat, but already a swollen lump began to form. The farm mare glared at her like she would glare at her sister when she had disappointed her in some fashion. The mares in the room gave a simultaneous gasp. Even Rainbow was stunned. She stared at the far wall, trying to gather her thoughts, which had been sufficiently jumbled by Applejack’s strike. Slowly, meticulously, she turned her gaze back to her farm friend, the shock and hurt evident in her eyes. The victimized cheek had grown hot, and the pain deeply stung. The burning in her throat grew. Nopony said anything for a moment. The only movement was from Pinkie Pie - seeing the hit had reminded her of her last encounter with the showmare Spitfire. Four years ago, the fiery pegasus had lashed out at her, hitting her across the cheek and bringing blood. The wound had healed well, but a small scar had formed where the cut had been. She gingerly touched that scar, thinking back to what had caused it. Applejack had caught the movement. She saw her pink friend touch her scar, which had been wrongfully given to her. With a gasp of horror, the farm mare retracted her hoof, pulling it close to inspect it. ‘What’s goin’ on with me?’ she reeled. ‘Am I turning out to be jus’ like Spitfire? Am I really behavin’ like she did that night?’ Rainbow spoke in a whisper, slowly adding volume as she went forward. “It won’t matter if we can find Alucard. If he’s able to beat Luna and break her wing-” she mentally shuddered at the image of the princess’ mangled pride. “-then there’s no telling what he can do to us. Celestia said that she doesn’t want to judge me until she gains all the facts, but I know what she really means. She wants to make sure her country is safe from Alucard first, then come back to me and do what she knows is right. I’m to blame! Celestia believes it, I’m betting Luna believes it, and I believe it! “But I’m not the only one,” she muttered, turning her panic-stricken eyes on her friends. “Don’t you all feel the same way? After everything that I’ve done?” Everyone had an answer. They honestly did. But nopony voiced them, for fear of the shame it would bring them. Their silence was answer enough, and the former exile continued. “So you do see what I mean! It doesn’t matter if Alucard bound magic to me, or if he attacked Ponyville. I am responsible for the deaths of Spitfire’s team, and I proved it by running away! Everything about it terrifies me! That night took everything from me, and all I want to do is have it end! Even if I have to end it myself!” she proclaimed with a shriek that shook the bookcases. Rainbow Dash trembled, trying her best to hold in her despair. She paused, lowering her head with her eyes closed. Her choked sobs echoed within the library, bouncing around the walls before finally fading from existence. Any doubts her friends may have held about her quickly faded - there could be no question anymore, no room for doubt. Rainbow Dash, their fearless friend, had completely changed after her harrowing experience. “That’s why I tried to end it all,” she said, barely above a whisper. “I’m tired, Applejack. I’m tired of being scared, of being so very scared of what I can’t explain. I just was to stop being scared. I want it to stop.” For a moment, Applejack was beaten. She had exhausted all of her arguments, and had been met with fierce resistance each time. Her mind was still numb from having hit her closest friend. She opened her mouth, but words did not form. A few seconds passed, and finally she settled with the one truth she had held close: “I don’t believe that.” “That’s all you can say?” Rainbow Dash challenged. Silence returned like a sour memory. For a full minute, none of the friends seemed to have any courage to say what was on their minds. But the cowardice wasn’t to last - Rarity finally cleared her throat, looked Rainbow straight in the eye, and began. “It’s not that simple, dear.” As with the farm mare, Rainbow challenged the statement. “Why not?” Rarity chose her words carefully, like stepping through a minefield. “You’re not the only one who has had a long time to think about all of this, you know. The five of us...we’ve had to deal with the questions and ridicule of our fellow ponies here at home. And I’ll have you know, every pony in Ponyville eventually knew what happened. Even the children. “Yes, we all learned about what happened at the tryouts. And yes, we all heard Spitfire’s version where she blamed you. But do you think any of us were happy about it? We’re desperate...I’m desperate,” she amended, “for the whole story, for all of the facts.” Applejack’s ears perked up. ‘Looks like she’s finally understandin’ that we ain’t got all the facts. Maybe I did beat some sense into her back in the forest,’ she thought with a wry grin. “After all this time,” Rarity pressed on, “I want to blame you. I want to, because it’s been made to feel right. But I can’t do that in good conscience, and dear Applejack helped me realize why. And now that this Alucard brute is doing whatever he’s doing, it’s getting harder and harder to blame you.” “So what are you saying?” Rainbow asked, keeping her voice low and steady. “I suppose...I’m saying that I still want to blame you for what happened to poor Spitfire. But I don’t blame you, Rainbow Dash. I can’t, no matter how much I want to...and it’s not simple to explain why. If there were one reason, I’d like it to be because I believe in you. But I also can’t say that, because it’s not yet the truth. “Parts of me want to make sure you’re safe and sound, but other parts want to see you jailed. I’m completely torn between whether or not I should forgive you. I want to, just like I want to blame you. But I can’t do either...it’s not yet possible. Do you understand?” Rainbow let out a soft whinny, her annoyance flaring. “No, not really.” “I do,” Twilight offered. Before Rainbow could ask why, she heard other voices saying the same thing. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy both repeated their unicorn friend, warm smiles accompanying their words. “But I think it is kinda simple,” a certain pink party pony began. “Wanna know how?” Applejack gave her another stare, but this time it was encouraging. “It’s because you’re here, talking to us! And not out in some no-mare’s land where we can’t find you. If you’re willing to stay and chat, then we should be willing to stay, too!” “And what would happen if I wanted to run away again?” Pinkie blinked, but grinned. “Oh, that’s easy. You wouldn’t.” “And why not?” “Also easy! Because not only do we need to welcome you back home, but we also need to make up for lost fun! You’ve been gone for four years - that’s four birthdays we’ve missed! Not to mention four of our birthdays that you have missed, so you’ll need to stick around!” Finally, after the time spent talking with her friends, Rainbow was at a loss for words. She still felt stormy, angry at herself for all she had done, yet she still felt a warm feeling start inside her when she saw the carefree smile of Pinkie Pie. Rainbow did, however, notice her scar. On the night that she had fled, Pinkie had been the victim to Spitfire’s anger. A solid hoof-punch had cut into her cheek, and the wound had left a light, long scar that could easily be ignored. Rainbow didn’t know the mark’s origin, of course, but the sight of it next to Pinkie’s smile just seemed to make her beaming face all the brighter. And before long, the pegasus found herself returning with a shy smirk. “I might be a downer,” she joked. Rainbow Dash forced herself to laugh. It was forced, but it felt good - like every exhalation allowed a weight to shift from her shoulders, off to wherever the world deemed it needed most. Soon, her friends joined in, giving each other small but warm smiles. There was hope yet. “Say, Rainbow?” Fluttershy began. She looked like she had just thought up a brilliant idea. “Since Princess Celestia said we should stay in the library, you don’t mind if we all stay together with you, do you?” All eyes turned to the cyan pegasus, who in turn looked at the yellow one as she processed the question. “Do you really want me to stay with you guys?” “Oh, absolutely! It would mean so much to me, to all of us. Right, girls?” she asked, looking around. Four additional heads nodded as one. Rainbow Dash couldn’t hold back a genuine smile. Twilight floated down her pillows and comforter from the loft, arranging them neatly on the library floor. The group of six closed in on itself, every pony finding some room to lie down comfortably, with the pegasus of many colors held firmly in the middle. The lanterns were magically coaxed to darken, and it took a while before the reunited friends stopped squirming, but eventually sleep began to claim them. Rarity nodded off first, naturally, having used so much of her magic over the last five days. Pinkie fell shortly after, going out like a light. Fluttershy and Twilight soon joined the consensual slumber, and finally Applejack began to close her eyelids. Rainbow could easily see that the farm mare was fighting sleep, trying to see how long she could outlast the call. The pegasus looked around, finally coming to terms with where she was and with whom. For the first time in four long, agonizing years, she was back with her friends, in the company of those who deeply cared for her. That fact was marred by the catalyst of her return - the dark orb and Alucard - but it was a fact nonetheless, and Rainbow was thankful for it. But deep down, she knew that it was too early to feel relief or elation. If what she believed was true, then her troubles were not yet over. But then, if they were not true, and Alucard held the key...then what? It was a great wall of a question before her, one with no doors or windows with which to garner clues. She was still scared. She couldn’t deny it, and it would be a lie if she tried. But perhaps she could begin to move forward now, if only a little at a time. Test the bridges in her life to see if they had been burned. A movement to her left drew her gaze - Applejack had shifted closer, wrapping her foreleg across Rainbow’s shoulders. She pulled her friend close, offering a comforting hug. Even for such a strong worker, Applejack was not without emotion. “Sorry ‘bout earlier. I’m just so fed up because I couldn’t keep ya safe last time,” she whispered. “I’ll do better, okay?” Rainbow nodded, shutting her eyes to the darkened library around her. That sounded like a promise. End chapter eleven Author’s comments: This one was an uphill battle. I’m certain that dialogue chapters are the bane of my creativity, and that goes double for chapters that follow action scenes. I can’t tell you how relieved I am to get this out. One thing I am proud of: Princess Celestia. I hope I was able to portray her as not a royal princess or a static figure, but as a dynamic persona - an individual mare with her own fears and feelings. Nothing can quite bring out the anger like a strike at home; in her case, the injuries that her dear sister is suffering. Co-author’s comments: Normally I’m great with dialogue, but this chapter had me at a stand-still. Aaron himself struggled the most, because he’s the one who wrote it. I tried to pitch in ideas, but nothing came about. I think the problem to that was simply because I didn’t know the chapter itself until it was fully written. But anyways, I’m glad it turned out this way. I have a lot of respect for Aaron after the way he wrote out Celestia’s dialogue, and Applejack’s. Both characters were the top two in this chapter I could easily visualize as if I were watching a MLP episode. Kudos, buddy! Next chapter: Interlude three of three. Even if you are not able to forgive yourself, it’s a good step to seek forgiveness from those you’ve wronged. Rainbow Dash decides to seek forgiveness from the one mare she’s wronged the most - Spitfire, former captain of the ruined Wonderbolts.