Relationships are Evil

by TheTimeSword


Chapter 26: Hive Minds, Knuckleheads

The afternoon wind blew a mighty gust that moved the leaves and the shadows beneath the trees. It echoed to the grassy field, swaying the uncut fodder from side to side. Trees encompassed the field like stone mountains surrounding a valley. The field hadn’t been a field for long, as they dragged the last stump away, leaving nothing but grass. Nothing was wasted from the chopped down trees. Fluttershy had been recruited to move the animals that had made their homes in the forest, and in return, she was given parts of the trees themselves. The tree trunks would be used for her beavers to gnaw and the wood chips they made were for the mice and rats bedding. There would also be plenty of fetching sticks for her dogs.

A project this big hadn’t happened since the creation of Ponyville and everypony was getting involved. The citizens of Ponyville weren’t yet accustomed to the idea of a changeling hive being next door, but soon they would have little choice. Soon their population would triple and they’d see many new faces. Of course, building the hive was going to be far more challenging than the integration. A structure to hold over two hundred changelings and a queen, and not be built into the ground, was easier said than done.

A long, large pile of lumber sat near the edge of the woods, ready to be trimmed and folded into a functioning building. Many of the residents of Ponyville had already been eager to help, along with the Elements and the ex-villains. Some were more eager than others, especially Tirek and Discord. After Tirek offered his help to haul and hammer, Discord refused to be left behind, insisting that he could snap his fingers and create something in an instant. “Even unicorns don’t pop a building into existence. Who knows the ramifications it could have,” Twilight had told him. Canterlot wasn’t built in a day, and neither would this.

The blueprints had already been redesigned and were sprawled out to give the crafters a good view. Applejack and Rarity worked together surprisingly well, creating a special beehive like structure, one that would look nice and was structurally sound. The colors would match that of Sweet Apple Acres, rather than a simple yellow of a normal beehive. Red, green, brown. Holes to resemble that of the changeling species, and plenty of space for each changeling to have more than just a hovel in a wall. Before they began building the framework, the workers gathered around a small podium that Mayor Mare, Twilight Sparkle, and Queen Chrysalis stood behind.

“Today commemorates a brand new Ponyville,” Mayor Mare shouted. “One where we will be working alongside a species that ponies have never thought more than evil beings meant to drain our love. Through Princess Twilight Sparkle’s guidance, the changelings will no longer be thought of as evil. We will look upon them as we would any pony, with the respect and kindness that they deserve, the same respect and kindness we share of their queen, Chrysalis.”

Mayor Mare raised a hoof and backed away from the podium, allowing the changeling to step up. “Thank you all for this opportunity and for the kindness you have shown me. I know my kin will be accepted just from what I’ve seen from all of you. There is no greater place for my kin to begin a new life other than this great town.” The onlookers cheered and stomped their hooves as she finished her speech. They calmed themselves as she backed away, allowing Twilight Sparkle a final word.

“It is with great honor to see you all here today. To think, the very reason that we are helping the changeling species is because of a silly bet for my attention. Now, great villains have been reformed, a dying species can be given renewed life, and Ponyville will become an even more prosperous town than it was.” She halted to allow another cheer to spread throughout the crowd. “I have visited directly with the changelings in their hive, and I can sleep easy at night knowing we are doing the right thing. No longer do they need love to survive, but they do need friendship. Our friendship. They do not have cutie marks like us, and so they will be helping the Apple family produce more food. Our friendship with them will increase Sweet Apple Acres crop size by tenfold, giving them much needed food and putting Ponyville on the map for food production.”

She let the crowd hoot and holler before continuing. “In conclusion, it is with much pride that I announce the name for this new inclusion into our lands. I gathered many others opinions on what to name it but decided on something that relates to all of us, we Ponyville citizens. There will be many trials and tribulations for coping with these new citizens, and so we honor you by simply naming this structure-” With a quick pull, Mayor Mare and Chrysalis lowered the banner behind the podium, revealing the name “-The Ponyville Hive!”

The name was simple and bland, but the crowd roared with love for it. Never had anything been named after their town, not even the castle that resided within. Canterlot had Canterlot Castle, The Crystal Empire had the Crystal Castle, but there was no Ponyville Castle – only the Castle of Friendship. Twilight knew the arrival of the changelings would take some getting used to, but this political move would surely make everyone happy, and Chrysalis didn’t seem to mind. Anywhere was better than below a swamp.

As the speeches ended, the crowd meandered off, leaving only those who were there to work on building the framework. They all got into their separate groups, ready to work in the areas they were assigned. Unicorns began dragging the wood out and earth ponies began sawing away, making sure to cut enough they needed. Sombra was trotting around with Rarity, making sure the positions were all correct for where the frame posts would go into the ground. He cared little for Chrysalis and the changelings, but Rarity wanted his help and he could not deny her.

Fluttershy was busily chopping the grass with the help of Applejack and a few animal friends. Baskets were set aside so the chopped grass could be used as fodder for the cows at Sweet Apple Acres. Rainbow Dash moved clouds around and over the workers below, blocking the sun from those who were sawing, hammering, or digging. Heat stroke was a serious thing even this late into the summer. She had given up covering Tirek and Discord as they moved so quickly in order to impress Twilight. They had already begun digging and tossing the dirt out of the way for the posts. Discord wasn’t even using his magic, unwilling to let Tirek outdo him in ordinary work. “Post!” he yelled out as another hole was dug.

Twilight was impressed, but not just by Tirek and Discord. The number of ponies that decided to help was staggering and the way they worked together was even more so. Within half an hour the bottom posts were all setup, giving visible points to where the floor would be placed against. It was a mile between opposing sides of the circular frame, and posts were indicators of the length of the structure. The field had been cleared of grass and now was the time to set up the floorboards the earth ponies had been cutting. These baseboards would later be tiled, but for now, they were the framework they needed to cover the dirt below.

When it came time to lay the boards, each was placed delicately and hammered into the last, preventing them from warping and moving as ponies walked atop. Tirek and Discord did theirs so quickly that they ran into each other, slamming their heads and dropping the nails they carried. “Watch where you’re going! You’re treading into my section!” Tirek yelled as he rubbed the spot between his horns.

“Perhaps if you hadn’t been so slow, I wouldn’t have to come into your section!” replied the draconequus.

Meanwhile, the other two-thirds of the flooring remained barely started by the ponies. Even Pinkie Pie appeared to be slower than a snail compared to the two stallions. All progress had stopped to observe the argument between them. When Twilight caught wind of the quarrel she rushed past the workers and onto the floor, careful to avoid poorly hit nails. “Discord, Tirek!” she yelled as she split the two into separate bubbles. “What’s the meaning of this?”

“He slammed into me like the clumsy oaf he is!” Discord growled. “I was in the zone, minding my own business, too.”

Twilight glared over the wood that had been placed, eyeing up the shoddy work they had both produced. The floorboards were barely nailed together and slightly uneven in places near the edges. She groaned from the sight, knowing full well what today would lead up to if things went on as they did. “Alright, you two shall be separated. This is too important for you showoffs to ruin. If you don’t lower the egos, I’ll move you off the job altogether, got it?” They nodded in unison, neither wanting to be removed from her sight. “Good,” Twilight said. “Tirek, you will be moved to working the frame-” She pointed to the edge of the circle where the posts had been lined out “-and Discord, you will redo these boards done by both you and Tirek. This time with quality, not quantity.”

With the two sorted out, everyone began working once more. Twilight wandered off to the blueprints to make sure everything was going to plan, only to hear the shouting of the two ex-villains again. When she made her way back to the platform, they immediately took notice and shut their mouths, returning to their workplaces. Before she could reprimand them, Starlight ran up onto the platform and into Twilight’s path. “We need your help down on the road, we’ve come into bit of a problem.” The unicorn seemed in a panicky voice, but her tone was that of a whisper.

“Not now, Starlight. I can’t have these two arguing all day,” the alicorn replied. “This is already the second time.”

“No, really, we need you now,” she urged through gritted teeth.

The tone of Starlight’s voice was curious enough for Twilight that she had to oblige. Starlight trotted her off but not before Twilight gave the two stallions a dirty look. The mares came down the path that was to be the road to the hive, trees had already been trimmed from the trunks but the trunks remained. The path eventually transformed into the road that lead through Sweet Apple Acres, but not before changing into a sloppy, muddy earth. Applejack stood in the filth, mud up to the bends of her legs.

“There ya are,” she called out. “Thanks for gettin’ her, Starlight.”

“What’s going on?” Twilight asked.

“This here soil always gets like this when were about to change into a colder season. I was worried it would happen but didn’t expect it till the Runnin’ of the Leaves. We don’t really have problems with it in the orchard since we’re already done with harvest by this time of year and we keep the grass trimmed.”

Twilight lifted a scoop of the soil with her magic, examining the muddy, sand-like movements it held. “Why’s it like this? Is it good enough to build across?”

Applejack climbed through the mud and over to the unicorn and alicorn, wiping the mud on the grass as she did. “It’s a runoff from rain, meanin’ that when it pours down it’ll flood here. Doesn’t help that it’s a slope, too.” As they spoke, a cart of tools was heading up through the patch of mud. The wheels sunk with the pony dragging the cart, getting stuck in the mud.

With Starlight’s help, Twilight used her magic to lift up the cart and pony and place them safely past the muddy trap. When they finished, Twilight turned to Applejack and said, “We’ll have to dig it out and build a bridge over it, maybe move where the water runs to help your crops.”

“I figured you’d say that. I already got an area where it can be dug to. Just need your mitigation on some ponies to dig and buildin’.”

“Starlight, could you stay down here and manage the workers? I’ll head up and send a few down.”

Starlight gave a nod and Twilight headed back up to the hive. The problem seemed to be solved, but as she reached the top, the hollering and bickering became apparent. She didn’t even need to guess on who it was causing the problems. Tirek and Discord stood next to each other, wailing and raving their arms in the air. As she trotted across the field and onto the platform, she noticed all the ponies staring, getting nothing done. Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie. None of them even wanted to try and deal with the basket cases.

“Discord!” she shouted. “Tirek!” The two stopped their squabbling, giving a sigh of relief at the sight of her, hoping she could take care of the other. “Why are you fighting now!?”

“He hammered my tail!” Discord yelled, pointing to the nail embedded into the fair tip of his tail and into the wood of the floor.

She let out a gasp. “Tirek! Why would you do such a thing?”

“I didn’t! He claimed I stole his nails and so I threw some at him. He grabbed one with his tail and hammered it in, how is that my fault?” defended the centaur.

“You booby-trapped the nail, clearly. You wanted me to hurt myself!”

“If I wanted you hurt, I’d rip your arms off and beat you with them myself!”

“ENOUGH!” Twilight screamed. “Because you both cannot seem to get along, I must force you apart! Tirek, you will take on all of Discord’s responsibilities up here, and you Discord will go down and dig a ditch by yourself. Then maybe you can build a bridge and get over it!”

Discord winced. “B-But I’m hurt! Why should I be punished!?” Twilight levitated the nail from the wood, revealing only the hair of his tail had been caught underneath. “Oh, silly me.” He said with a smile, trying to hide his embarrassment.

“Down there. Now,” she growled and pointed, marching Discord down to the bottom of the path.

Tirek rubbed the back of his head, taking a relaxed moment before Twilight’s focus turned to him. He gave a nervous chuckle. “Thank you for getting rid of him, you know how much of a pain he can be-“

“You threw nails at him!? Why would you do that!?” she interrupted, angrily shouting her questions.

He gave a shrug. “He’s already got a screw loose, why not some nails too?”

Twilight stared, glaring. Euulch was the sound she had made out of disgust. Not because of his poor joke, it was very poor, but because she actually found it rather funny. She slammed her hoof into her face to contain a smile, only to then raise it at Tirek. “Get back to work,” she commanded. He gave a happy nod as she made her way off the platform, hoping that would be the final problem of the day.

Work passed without incident and the sun had begun to hang low in the sky. Twilight managed to spend the last few hours of light on the sidelines, watching and directing the building. The large, wooden, egg-like frame had taken form, giving a glimpse at the final product. The wooden beams connected at the top with metal rods, holding it together. With the wooden floors set in and the beams laying the foundation for the rest of the scaffolding, the day had finished with a good end – minor setbacks aside.

After seeing most of the workers off, Tirek included, Twilight rolled up the blueprints and headed down the slope. She met up with Starlight who waited patiently for her teacher. They wanted a pleasant walk home together, only for it to end as soon as they came to the freshly built bridge. The finely crafted wooden bridge stemmed across a narrow gap not more than a yard apart. Roses, daffodils, and other flowers spread amongst the sides with water flowing beneath the span. The water flowed out from the woods and back into the forest on the other side. The sun’s light gleamed across it just right, detailing just a few muddy hoofprints freshly coating the new wood.

The beauty of the scene only seemed to twist violently as the snapping rang out from the other side of the bridge. The red and black centaur waved his arms as the draconequus pointed and shouted. “What are you two arguing about now?” Twilight yelled, yet seemed to be completely ignored. The two mares crossed over the bridge, trailing mud with them as they drew closer to the stallions.

“You’re only out to ruin everything for me! Everything was perfect before you came along!” the Lord of Chaos shouted, angrier than a hornet.

“It’s always about you Discord, perhaps that’s why you can’t win Twilight Sparkle. Perhaps that’s why you can’t do anything right!” Tirek’s neck seemed to be popping with veins, his rage growing by the second.

“Hey! Would you two give it a rest!?” Twilight shouted. “It’s time to pack it up for the day.”

Discord prodded Tirek’s chest, ignoring the alicorn’s cries. “You’re the one always talking about yourself! Woe is me, the lonesome centaur! Get over yourself, others are lonely too!”

“Some of us deserve to be lonely! Like you for instance! You had your chance to rule Equestria, twice! You’re such a flop, it’s no wonder mares show no interest in you!” Tirek didn’t even seem to notice the alicorn either, busily shouting at the draconequus with violent words.

Twilight yelled again but went ignored by both. There was no end to their senseless bickering. She gave a sigh and turned away, knowing it was futile to even try to stop them. Her student tapped her, hoping to get her to stop the fighting, but she shook her head. “There’s no stopping them Starlight. If they’re going to end up killing each other, may as well happen sooner rather than later.” Her words were full of spite, but her tone was sickened and sad. She was too tired to even try to stop them, and even more stressed because of it.

As the alicorn walked away, her head hanging low, Starlight turned back to the arguing males. “You two are completely brainless!” she yelled as she separated them into two bubbles. She had gotten their attention but both had looked past her, staring at the alicorn in the distance. Her head tilted to glance for Twilight, but she had already walked out of range. “I don’t see how either of you will win her!” she yelled once more, smashing the bubbles together and slamming their faces into the walls.

“Now wait just a seco-” Tirek started to say as the bubbles popped, sending them both to the ground face first.

“What are you even arguing about now? You know what, save it. I don’t really care. To be quite frank, I think you both just lost this bet.” She stamped a hoof, slamming it into the mud, and then turned around to chase after her mentor.

The two rose with mud covered beards, glaring at the running unicorn. Their focus turned back to each other, eyes filled with fire. “I think she may be right,” Discord mused as he wiped his beard clean.

Twisting his own, Tirek replied, “I agree. What are we going to do about it?”

“Well, it would mean working together, setting aside our differences and ceasing our fighting.” Discord rubbed his cheek, grimacing at the thought. “Or we could do something really nice and hope it pays off.”

“I suppose there is little choice. Fighting with you is only worsening my standing with her. When even Starlight yells at me, I know things have gone awry. So, what did you have in mind?”

Discord gazed up at the slope, eyeing the tiptop of the structure that was barely formed. “I’d hate to say it but I’ve got a pretty good idea of what we could do.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Twilight walked alone the next morning. Groaning and moaning about her displacement of the blueprints for the new hive. She could only hope that she had left them at the build site, forgetting them with all the drama of yesterday. She had kept her mind off the two bickering stallions all night. It was the least she could do to contain her temper. Today was a new day and she would have to look at it with a better attitude – or at least that’s what she told herself. Starlight had already claimed that she would keep the two in line so that she could focus on more important matters, but that did not relieve her worried mind.

As she trotted the trail, ponies ran past her with chattering glee. They all seem to be rushing to get a head start on the building, she thought, but then noticed the crowd gathering at the bridge Discord had built. It hadn’t changed much, but the path leading up to the hive had been laid with white stone rectangles. At the very top of the slope, she could see what the roof of the hive would be – except it wasn’t what would be but was. She pushed through the crowd, running up the tidy stone path, and came to a stop as she gazed upon the hive.

Two-thirds of the outside walls had been finished, leaving a slice of open air in plain view. The framework had been finished for the walls and they could begin trimming out rooms of the large structure once the final third was finished. Twilight could barely believe the sight. As she sauntered around the structure, bewildered by the staggering height, she discovered two bodies lying on the ground. Hammers, nails, and one ladder accompanied the two sleeping stallions.

“They seem so peaceful,” Starlight whispered as she came upon Twilight. “It must have taken them all night.”

Twilight didn’t comment. Instead, she began to cry. A smile spread along her cheeks with tears streaming down the sides. She took a moment to rub the tears away before she began to stomp her hooves. “WAKE UP!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.

The two jolted awake, clasping onto each other out of startled fear. When they realized where they were, and what was going on, they immediately spread apart. Messy fur and hair, drool lingering across the lips, and crusty eyes were all an unsightly sight for the two mares. “Good morn, Twilight Sparkle,” Tirek greeted through a yawn. They remained seated on the ground, stretching and aching from their horrible sleeping arrangement.

“You two are the biggest idiots I know.”

Discord groaned. “What did we do now!?” His eyes rolled around for a moment before focusing on the alicorn.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks once more, forced out by her weary emotions. “You did something really wonderful.” She grasped both of them by the necks and pulled them in close, hugging them tighter than ever.

“If this is the reward for being an idiot, I think I might start trying it more often,” Discord mused.

“Start? What have you been doing all this time then?” Tirek replied.

Twilight bonked both of their heads, puffing up her cheeks and spreading her wings in the process. “Don’t you two start that again!”

The stallions chuckled as they stood up from the ground, mud and grass blades littering their backs. “Actually, we’ve come to a decision about that.” Discord reached down and placed his hand atop her cheek, smiling with his charming, toothy grin. “We had a long talk last night,” he continued.

“A very long talk in between hammering,” Tirek added.

“Yes. And we’ve come to the conclusion that we’ll no longer fight about you. Fight over you, well, we can’t help that.”

“Is there a difference?” she questioned with a roll of her eyes.

Tirek placed a hand on the other side of her face, matching a sharper smile. “We saw how unhappy we made you. From now on, the only fighting we’ll do won’t involve you. We don’t ever want to make you feel that way again.”

Their hands were both unique, scratching parts of her jawline and rubbing behind her ear. She couldn’t decide which she preferred. “But you’re still going to be fighting?”

“It’s in our nature! You can’t seriously expect us to throw out our entire personalities,” the centaur replied.

“I suppose this is as close as I’m going to get to you guys bonding, huh?” Twilight wiped the tears away, a smile faltering.

Discord bellowed with laughter. “Bonding? You could call it that. More like a treaty was brokered after a long, drawn-out war of strife and famine.” He waved a fan in front of his face, a single tear dripping down. “Oh, won’t someone think of the children!?”

“Well, whatever the case is, I’m glad you two worked together to make amends.” Twilight gazed up at the hive in awe.

“And now they’re you’re awake you two can finish the rest,” Starlight added.

The two stallions laughed in her face. “Finish? You get to work,” Tirek replied, shoving a hammer at her. “I’m going to bed. I’ll be back when my hand is no longer numb.” He marched past her still chuckling to himself.

“Well, I feel refreshed and relaxed. I’m in the greatest shape I’ve ever been in!” Discord smiled smugly and crossed his arms, only for his arms to fall to the ground, shattering into tiny cubes. “Err, maybe bed is a bit better of an idea.”

Twilight watched as Discord walked away. “I can’t believe that they’re both so wonderful,” she murmured after he was gone.

“Sounds like you’re going to have a horrible choice when it comes down to it. Then there’s also Sombra and Chrysalis. You’ve got your work cut out for you,” Starlight thought aloud.

“Gee, thanks for ruining the moment, Starlight.”

“I don’t suppose I could ruin it any more than it already is, then, can I?”

The two mares shook their heads and turned around, confused by the random voice. They both gazed upon the handsome dark unicorn who stood alone. Twilight grimaced for a moment before asking, “Did you hear all of that?”

He nodded. “Don’t feel embarrassed. I’ve got something far more embarrassing that I would like to ask.”

“More embarrassing?” Starlight chuckled. “I want to hear this.”

“I believe it is my time, just as it was Tirek’s. I wish to be taken to the Crystal Empire.”

“That’s more of a demand than a request, Sombra,” Twilight replied. “What do you intend to do?”

“Reform. I would like to apologize to the crystal ponies. It is time for me to redeem myself once and for all.”