Literally everypony in town was at the inn. The town had a small population, so it wasn't too hard to fit them all, but it still left the inn packed. Some ponies had already gone upstairs, or were downstairs doing some last minute business, but most of them were in the main room where there was a bar and some tables to eat at.
It was a festive scene, Pinkie Pie setting the tune by playing the piano and singing one of her happy friendship songs. Applejack was at the bar, along with a few volunteers, handing out food and drinks. Fluttershy was there too, quietly enjoying the party from the sidelines.
Twilight and Rarity were sitting together, chatting as Twilight went through her lists.
“Well, that's everypony,” said Twilight. “We're all accounted for. You can shut the door now!”
The door was already closed, but a pony sitting by it gave Twilight a little salute and picked up a near-by plank of wood and a hammer. Before they could start nailing anything to anywhere, the door burst open.
Twilight's heart stopped when she saw the door open. Everypony in town was already inside, so this could only be somepony from another town showing up at the worst possible time. She held her breath as she watched Rainbow Dash trot inside, the rain and howling wind behind her. Dash was not a pony who lived in this town.
At first, only one or two ponies turned to the opening door to greet Dash with fearful expressions. Them doing so was enough to spark a chain reaction that caused every pony to quiet down and turn to Dash one by one. The last noise was a loud pound on the piano as Pinkie suddenly ended her song upon seeing Dash.
This whole 'mood dying' thing wasn't new to Dash. Being an inquisitor meant killing the mood wherever you went. Inquisitors were instantly recognizable by their outfits. She had the red leather hat, red leather coat, the lantern, the crossbow and the saddlebag bearing the seal of Princess Celestia. Everypony immediately knew what she was and what her presence meant.
Dash had been waiting for this silence, in fact. Water dripped off her hat and mane as she waited for the only sound to be the rain falling outside. Once it was, she kicked the door closed with her rear leg and moved deeper into the room. The crackling fireplace now became the dominant noise. Behind her, the pony with the hammer and nails tucked them into their saddle bag and pushed the board back up against the wall.
“Hey,” Dash said. “My name is Inquisitor Rainbow Dash, but you can just call me Dash. I'm here on an investigation. I hope none of you have a problem with that.”
Dash looked around the room to see if anypony did. There was a moment of hesitation before anyone answered. Applejack, from behind the bar, was the first to reply.
“It's no problem,” Applejack said. “It's just we don't get many visitors around here, specially not from big important types. We're kind of out of the way, you know?”
Twilight quickly got out of her seat and trotted over to Rainbow Dash.
“My name is Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight said with her best smile. “I'm sort of like the mayor of this town. I assure you there's been no trouble in our little village at all and I never got word that an inquisitor was coming. Are you sure you aren't in the wrong place? This is Ponyville.”
The tension in the room was impossible to miss. Not one pony had taken their eyes off Dash since she entered and, other than Twilight and Applejack, not one made a sound. Dash took stock of their fearful expressions. It was clear they were hoping she was in the wrong town.
“It's the right town,” said Dash. She turned from Twilight to address the crowd of ponies standing around her. “Now look. I'm sure you've all heard horror stories about inquisitors burning down entire villages because somepony's laundry was too clean. But I assure you that that only happened the one time. That guy even got docked two days pay! So statistically speaking, you have nothing to worry about.”
“Oh!” Pinkie raised one of her hooves. “But I heard that you guys also burned down another town because there were two many black cats.”
“No, that was a village, not a town, so you're clearly uninformed,” said Dash, then she quickly added, “and I might add that that was also only one time!”
“And what about the time that you guys burned an entire village for opposing Celestia's tax reforms?” Pinkie asked. “Or that time you burned down a town for complaining that you were burning down too many villages? Or that time you burned down a village because it was full of w-”
Twilight rushed over to Pinkie, grabbed her and shoved a hoof in her mouth to silence her.
“Quiet Pinkie!” Twilight half whispered and half shouted. “Don't say anything stupid!”
Twilight turned back to Dash with a smile and a chuckle.
“Don't mind Pinkie, she's just insane,” said Twilight. “N-not the demon-possessed kind of insane or anything like that, of course! Just normal, perfectly legal insanity.”
Dash just rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, yeah! So there's a long list of isolated incidents,” said Dash. “But the bottom line is this – I'm not here for your village. I'm here for one pony specifically, so all of you can relax. Well, except one.”
There was a bit of muttering in the room as ponies glanced around at each other, for the first time breaking the silence and the stares lobbed at Dash.
“Just one pony?” Twilight asked. “I know everypony in this town, so if you just tell me her name I'm sure we could clear all of this up quickly. Who is it?”
Dash turned dramatically and faced the window, eyes narrowed.
“I don't know,” Dash said. A flash of lightning light up the room.
Silence returned to the room for another moment.
“Welp,” said Pinkie, “then I guess that's that!”
She went back to playing her music, filling the room with her cheerful song. That friendship song cut straight through the tension, lightening the room back up. Dash gave Pinkie a suspicious glance, then turned back to Twilight.
“What?” Twilight asked. “How do you not know who you're looking for?”
“There's been a number of horrible murders, regular murders and disappearances around these parts, the neighboring villages and towns and such,” Dash explained. “We have reason to believe that they were caused by a vampony, and we have reason to believe that that vampony lives here.”
“Oh, is that it?” Twilight asked. “You must have been off a little bit. I can assure you that no one in this village is a vampony.”
Dash leaned forward, pushing her face right in front of Twilight’s, and glared into Twilight's eyes, reading her every move.
“And how can you be certain of that? Hm?” Dash asked.
“Well it's just a very small place here.” Twilight leaned back under the weight of Dash's gaze. “I know every single pony here by name, everypony does. And also it's miles to the next town. If one of us was leaving every night to kill then we'd notice something strange and I'd be able to point them out to you right away. There's nopony like that in our town.”
“You may trust the other ponies,” said Dash, “but I sure as heck don't. Vamponies put up false personas all the time. The pony you least suspect of being a vampony, that's the one it always turns out to be. After doing so many of these cases, I can tell you that with complete certainty.”
“Everypony who lives in this village is here tonight,” said Twilight. “I even have a checklist with all their names on it. Feel free to check all over for signs of vamponies. If there's anything I can do to help just let me know.”
Twilight stepped back from Dash to address all the other ponies in the room.
“I think Inspector Dash is right when she says we have nothing to worry about,” Twilight said to them. “She can look for a vampony all she wants, but I'm sure by tomorrow she'll realize that there are no vamponies in our town. And even is she does stay a few days, would that really be so bad?”
Twilight smiled and waved her hoof welcomingly. She had become much more relaxed since Dash had first come in, sat back in her chair, had a more genuine smile, that sort of thing. Her address to the crowd had calmed them greatly too, a wave of agreement going through them.
“Actually, there was something I wanted to know,” said Dash. “About the whole 'everypony is here' thing. It's not normal for the entire town to be empty except one building. What's the deal with that?”
“It's kind of like a local holiday,” said Twilight. “We all come to the inn and have something like a big slumber party. We're all friends here. It's a lot of fun.”
“I also noticed that there are steel bars over all the windows,” said Dash. “And that an awful lot of them are broken.”
Applejack popped up from behind the bar to defend her inn.
“Well when you're this far out in the middle of nowhere you gotta take security into your own hooves,” said Applejack. “And there's lots of dangerous critters around here too. Those big vampire bats are what break my windows. Used to get inside too before I put those bars up.”
“Vampire?” Dash whipped around to Applejack and looked her squarely in the eyes
“Vampire bats, yes.”
“How convenient,” said Dash. Her eyes glanced up, noticing Applejack's eyes, then came back down. “And what about your hat? Hm? Where did that come from?”
“My hat?” Applejack pulled back in bewilderment. “It's a perfectly normal hat. Why are you suspicious about that?”
“Ha!” Dash pounded her hoof on the table. “I never said I thought it was suspicious! Where were you every night for the past two to three years?!”
Before she could answer, Pinkie's song ended with the same pounding of the keys that had sounded when Dash first entered.
“Sweet Celestia!” Pinkie gasped and pointed to Dash. “Nopony panic, but I think an inquisitor snuck in here!”
Dash gave Pinkie a very stern, but confused look, then turned to Twilight with the same expression
“Like I said, Pinkie has a thing,” said Twilight. “Her memory lapses sometimes and she's a little off. But she is a very nice pony! Really!”
“Well that could be witchcraft or something,” said Dash, “but lucky for you I'm too lazy to investigate two things at once. Just know that I've got an eye on you, Pinkie.”
“No,” said Pinkie, “you've got them both on me!”
Dash rolled her eyes and turned back to Applejack.
“And now you've got neither!”
“Anyway,” said Dash, “how often do you leave town 'Apple'jack? Every day for two days at a time, maybe?”
“How could I be gone for two days every day?” Applejack asked. “I'm no mathematician but I can count to two and I'm pretty sure it don't work that way.”
“How? To kill ponies! That's how!” Dash pounded her hoof on the counter in front of Applejack, then leaned in menacingly. “And you know who else can count to two? Vamponies!”
“Oh!” Pinkie Pie raised her hoof enthusiastically. “I can count to two! And I leave town with Rarity all the time, more than any other pony in town! We could totally be murdering ponies! In fact, with my memory problems Rarity could kill a pony right in front of me and I would probably just forget! Then we sneak back to our secluded-”
“Pinkie Pie,” Rarity said, sternly but not loudly, “remember our talk about not talking to strangers?”
Dash just waved away their comments.
“Quiet, you two,” said Dash, “I'm on to something suspicious here.”
“And here I thought inquisitors were supposed to be, you know, sharp in the head,” Applejack grumbled.
“Sharp in the head?” Dash asked. She tapped her forehead, then glanced at Twilight's horn, then back to Applejack with a much more annoyed expression. “Oh, I get it. Sharp like a unicorn's horn on your head! Like, only unicorns are smart enough to be inquisitors! Well I got news for you– that's racist!”
Applejack had been very patient up until now, but that patience was quickly running out. She stood up and looked Dash square in the face, meeting the inquisitor's glare with her own.
“What is with?!” Applejack demanded. “You're acting like a complete moron. I'm one of the most honest and respect ponies in town and I'm at this inn every single day, surrounded by other ponies constantly! I haven't even left this town in over a year! Where do you get off calling me a murder or a racist you featherbrained-”
Twilight quickly pushed Applejack out of the way
“I assure you Applejack wasn't trying to be racist,” said Twilight. “But you know, we do have guards posted around town at all times, being so far out, and ponies who live here are required to log in or out when they leave town. I think questioning the guards, going over the books and comparing them to the dates that the murders took place would be a, uh-”
Dash shifted her glare back to Twilight. He gaze grew more and more stern until Twilight was silenced by it.
“You're smart,” said Dash. “Too smart. I don't like that. I'm done talking to you. Instead I'm going to talk to, uh-”
Dash slowly turned, scanning the room. Pinkie Pie waved excitedly and gestured to herself when Dash looked in her direction.
“Too crazy,” said Dash.
Dash moved her hoof across the room, over Applejack next.
“Too racist,” said Dash.
Dash's hoof moved over Rarity next.
“I know better than to stand next to a mare who's prettier than me,” Dash grumbled.
Finally, her hoof came over Fluttershy.
“You!” Dash pointed at Fluttershy.
Fluttershy nearly fell off her chair.
“Me?!” Fluttershy asked. “I didn't do anything!”
“I'll be the judge of that,” said Dash. She trotted across the room and sat next to Fluttershy. “I'm not accusing you. I just want somepony to tell me about this town, maybe follow me around and constantly ask me what I'm thinking. I kinda need somepony to bounce off of like that. Notice anything strange lately?”
Fluttershy was clearly not the type to smooth talk anypony. Just being near an inquisitor as enough to reduce her to trembling and sweating. She shook her head very quickly at that question.
“No,” squeaked Fluttershy. “There's nothing unusual here!”
Fluttershy was trembling terribly, her fear of Dash too great to get any kind of reading from her. Dash took off her inquisitor hat and hung it on the chair next to her. She spotted some kind of purple drink next to Fluttershy and smiled.
“Maybe I should lighten things up a bit first,” said Dash, leaning onto the table. “Why not tell me what you like to do? What are you into, Fluttershy?”
“Well I like animals,” Fluttershy said. “I have lot's of pets. Do you, um, want to hear about them?”
Dash nodded, but soon regretted her decision. Fluttershy droned on and on about her pets. She had dozens of them and from the sound of it could talk about any of them for ours. Dash's eyes glazed over as she talked, but her plan did work to some extent. Fluttershy was growing more comfortable.
“And Mr. Mittens doesn't actually wear mittens, he wears a hat, but Sir Hatsalot does wear mittens.” Fluttershy giggled. “Isn't that funny?”
“No,” said Dash. “I think that's enough of that. You got nothing to fear from me, Fluttershy. I can say with absolute certainty that you're not the vampony.”
“Well that's good,” said Fluttershy.
Fluttershy frowned and glanced around the room.
“But you really think somepony here could be a vampony?” Fluttershy asked. “We all know each other very well and everypony here is very friendly. We're practically one big family. I really can't imagine anypony here killing somepony.”
“No one ever does,” said Dash. “Vamponies are all the same. They put up these false personas around themselves, make it look like they're the nicest ponies in the world, gain everypony's trust. They don't do it to cover their tracks, either. They get some kind of sick pleasure out of betraying everypony's trust.”
Dash leaned back in her chair and glanced over the room one more time.
“In fact,” said Dash, “of all the ponies in this town, who would be the very last one you'd suspect of being a vampony?”
“Who wouldn't I suspect?” Fluttershy asked. “Well just about everypony. But I guess the four ponies I trust the most would be Applejack, Twilight, Pinkie and Rarity. They're the most loved ponies in town and are always helping out with everything.”
“Then it's one of them,” Dash concluded. “It's always the pony you least suspect. Remember that.”
“But it can't be!” Fluttershy insisted. “Oh please don't take any of them away!”
“I'm not taking anypony away unless they're a vampony,” said Dash. “And trust me, if they are a vampony you want me to take them away, no matter how nice you think they are.”
“But,” Fluttershy started, but hesitated. “You promise you aren't going to hurt anypony unless you're sure they're a vampony?”
“Of course not! Unless they're a vampony or blaspheme Celestia or disagree with her new tax bracketing system then I've got no problem with anypony.” Dash ran her hoof around the edge of her cup and glanced at Fluttershy suspiciously. “You don't have a problem with Celestia's tax brackets, do you?”
Fluttershy shook her head vigorously.
“Oh no! I don't even know what the tax brackets are,” she said, then continued with more speed an panic. “I mean, I'm sure whatever Celestia came up with is brilliant, cause she's such an amazing ruler, I just don't know a lot about politics is all.”
That seemed to be good enough for Dash, who gave a little shrug and dropped her suspicious look.
“Anyway,” said Dash, “there are three things that can give a vampony away. One is that you don't suspect them. Second is that they'll be masquerading as somepony who's really moral or good. Third is that they'll have some weird eccentricity about them. They love messing with ponies and will pretend to be deathly afraid of spiders or obsessed with books or have some kind of mental or physical problem. You know anypony like that?”
Fluttershy bit her hoof. She gave away her answer by glancing in Pinkie's direction.
“Her?” Dash asked, only sparing a sideways glance at Pinkie. “Nah, Pinkie's too obvious. It has to be somepony you don't suspect. Somepony like her.”
Dash nudged her head at Applejack, who had managed to put Dash out of her mind and was now simply tending to the bar.
“Applejack?” Fluttershy asked. “But that's impossible. Applejack never tells lies and never leaves town. She's-”
“-the last pony you'd except?” Dash raised an eyebrow.
“But how could she kill somepony in another town without leaving this one?” Fluttershy asked.
“Vamponies are fast,” said Dash, “faster than you would believe, so fast that you can hardly see them move. They're good at tricking you too. I've seen them commit murders while supposedly standing right next to you. She could pull it off.”
“But-” Fluttershy began, but shrank back, realizing the futility in this argument. Anything she said in Applejack's defense would just make her look more guilty in the eyes of Dash.
“But don't worry,” said Dash. “Even though I'm 99% sure it's her, I'm not going to act till I have something. That's why we gotta watch Applejack all night long!”
“You hear that?!” Dash shouted at Applejack. “I'm watching you all night!”
“Then I hope you're ready for a real boring night,” Applejack called back. “I'm just staying down here all night long.”
“We're not taking our eyes off Applejack for a second,” Dash said to Fluttershy. “If she's staying down here the whole time, then we're going to have our own sub-campout at the top of these stairs.”
Dash opened up her backpack and pulled out a sleeping bag and started heading up the stairs.
“Um, 'We'?” Fluttershy asked, following Dash up the stairs.
“You're my deputy sidekick.” Dash unrolled the sleeping back on the top of the stairs and sat on it.. “I may have to go to the bathroom or something and I need a pony to keep staring at Applejack when I do. Now get staring.”
Dash turned around and stared at Applejack. Fluttershy did the same but with much less gusto.
“No!” Dash whipped around to face Fluttershy again. “Like this.”
Dash flattened and lowered Fluttershy's eyes and turned down the corners of her mouth so she was giving Applejack a proper glare. Fluttershy tried her best to keep the stern look up as long as possible.
Hours passed. Ponies began to thin out. Applejack did nothing suspicious.
Eventually, only a few ponies were left downstairs. The party was pretty much over at this point, with most of the ponies already gone to bed. Fluttershy's own eyes were beginning to suggest she do the same. All that staring took a toll and now her eyes were puffy, red and hard to keep open.
“Um, Dash?” Fluttershy tapped Dash on the back. “I think I may need to sleep eventually.”
Dash sighed and groaned, but conceded.
“Fine, we can take turns using the sleeping bag,” said Dash, “but be ready to wake back up in a couple hours. Hey! Mayor pony! Come get us some Pillows!”
Twilight brought the pillows, trying hard not to look annoyed. That sleeping back turned out to be nice and cozy. Between that and all the glaring, it was easy for Fluttershy to fall asleep quickly, Dash would take the first shift. Yet that sleep seemed to only last a second before she awoke again.
Fluttershy opened her groggy eyes to see the blurred image of Dash standing over her.
“I gotta go to the bathroom,” said Dash. “Hold this position till I get back.”
Dash turned and started trotting down the hall without another word. Fluttershy was suddenly more awake now and reached out for her.
“Wait! Don't leave me alone!” Fluttershy begged.
“You'll be fine,” said Dash, just before disappearing around the corner.
Fluttershy turned back towards the stairs and whimpered at them. The hallway was dark and empty now. The music had long stopped and everything was quiet, and here Fluttershy was out in the open, all alone. She really, really hoped that Twilight was right about there being no vamponies.
Or, actually she wasn't completely alone, she remembered. Applejack was still at the bar and there was even another pony down there, unable to sleep maybe, drinking some tea.
“Applejack?” she called down the stairs.
“You need something, Fluttershy?” Applejack turned and looked back up at Fluttershy. The stallion drinking tea looked up and waved too.
Fluttershy's heart felt so much more at ease after hearing Applejack's voice. She let out a big sigh of relief. There really was nothing to worry about.
“No,” said Fluttershy. “I just wanted to say hello. Oh, and I guess to make sure you aren't being suspicious.”
“You don't have anything to worry about,” said Applejack. “There's no vamponies here. That inquisitor will either realize that or, worst case, 'overstay her welcome' if you know what I mean.”
Applejack winked when she said 'overstay her welcome', but it still took a second for Fluttershy to realize what Applejack meant.
“Oh!” Fluttershy said, then lowered her voice to just above a whisper. “But isn't that a little mean?”
“Hush,” Applejack cautioned Fluttershy. “You know what sort of folk inquisitors are. Only other thing you need to know is that Twilight's got everything taken care of and there ain't nothing to worry about.”
Fluttershy smiled back at Applejack and nodded. She let out a big sigh of relief and sat back down. Maybe Dash was mistaken about the whole vampony thing.
Then she heard a floorboard creak behind her.
Downstairs, Applejack was tending the bar. She had just calmed Fluttershy and was feeling pretty good.
All that ended in an instant. Something moving so fast that it was only a blur came down from the top of the stairs, as if jumping off from the very top, and crashed into where Strapping Lad sat with a loud crash.
By the time any of this even registered in Applejack's head, Strapping Lad was already dead.
Applejack could see the thing that killed him clearly now. It really was a vampony with Strapping Lad's neck between their teeth! Applejack recognized who it was right away, and just like Rainbow Dash had said, it was the very last pony she would have suspected.
The vampony only gave her enough time to realize who and what it was and for Applejack to scream before pouncing on her as well. The last thing Applejack felt was the vampony ripping into her throat.
Fluttershy kept screaming, even after Twilight arrived and put a hoof on her shoulder.
“Fluttershy,” Twilight said, “what happened? What was all that screaming?”
Fluttershy could but point a trembling hoof down the stairs, not daring to remove the other from over her eyes.
There were more screams and gasps coming from downstairs. Twilight nervously began trotting towards the crowd to face whatever horror was down there herself.
Twilight froze when she saw it. Applejack and Strapping Lad were both dead. The wounds were gruesome, to the point there nopony would wonder if they were still alive.
Twilight stared at the scene for a long time in disbelief. But slowly her shock turned to anger and she gritted her teeth.
“What happened?!” Twilight shouted, not entirely sure who she was making a demand of. Twilight looked around the room, if only for somepony to be angry at. She settled on Fluttershy again, tearing Fluttershy's hooves away from her eyes. “You were watching them! What happened?!”
Fluttershy looked up at Twilight, trembling, with tears in her eyes. Twilight shook her and demanded an answer once more.
“I'm sorry!” Fluttershy cried. “I-I don't know what happened! I looked away for one second and- and then-!”
Fluttershy began crying uncontrollably. With a grunt of frustration, Twilight dropped her questioning and went back downstairs. She needed to do something, anything. Twilight decided to study the scene carefully, maybe she could find some clue as to what happened.
She noticed there was no water on the floor.
“It's still raining outside,” said Twilight, “if somepony had opened the door, there would be at least a little rain or mud on the ground, but that's not the case. Whoever did this must be inside and they must have been inside for a while. Pinkie, Lyra, grab ten ponies and search every single corner of the inn!”
A team of ponies ran off to scour the inn while Twilight continued her investigation, carefully studying the blood splattered about the room. There were blood splatters around the room, starting at Strapping Lad, moving to Applejack and then forming a neat trail after that.
“These might be hoof steps, but they're too messy to match up to anypony. The blood goes up the stairs,” said Twilight. “Whoever did this must have gone upstairs afterward.”
Twilight followed the trail of blood right up to where Fluttershy was. It ended on the pile of blankets next to her, which Dash had brought to act as a bed for herself. They were covered in blood. That was where the trail ended.
“And it looks like they wiped themselves clean with this blanket before moving on,” Twilight concluded. “How could you not have noticed, Fluttershy? They must have been standing right next to you.”
Fluttershy kept whimpering.
“I mean, I'd almost guess it was you,” said Twilight, “but I know that can't be the case. You're the absolute last pony I'd ever suspect of doing something like this. You couldn't.”
“I think maybe Fluttershy just dropped the ball.” Rarity was just now sauntering into the room. “She doesn't do well under pressure.”
Twilight looked at the trembling Fluttershy and gave an exasperated sigh.
“I guess you're right,” said Twilight. “Sorry for being so hard on you, Fluttershy. It's just– I can't believe Applejack is dead!”
“I have something I'd like to share,” said Rarity. “Pinkie and I were up early, she woke me up before dawn to play cards. We heard somepony running down the hall fast, then we heard the scream and then them running in the other direction.”
Rarity pointed down the hall she heard the hoof steps coming through.
“Then they're definitely upstairs,” Twilight concluded.
“Wrong!” Dash came stumbling into the scene, trying to put on one of her boots while running forward. That didn't work out so well and she ended up tripping over the sleeping bag and blankets, nearly falling down the stairs.
“Now you show up?” Rarity asked. “And where was our noble inquisitor while the murder took place?”
“Bathroom,” said Dash, “but you're completely wrong.”
Dash stood up and looked over the scene downstairs before nodding to herself.
“Yep! 100% wrong,” Dash said. “The vampony didn't go upstairs, they went downstairs.”
This remark was met with understandable confusion.
“Look at the way the blood marks on the stairs look.” Dash pointed to them, noting the way they streaked. “All of them indicate that the pony was moving downstairs instead of up. They must have covered themselves with blood at the top of the stairs before moving downstairs.”
“And where would they get so much blood?” Twilight asked. “They couldn't have gotten any until after they killed Applejack and were downstairs.”
“Vamponies always carry a stock of blood, or have some hidden nearby,” said Dash. “Another tell is that there's too much blood here, more has to have come from somewhere.”
“And what even makes you so sure it's a vampony? Isn't it just a little strange that the vampony would start killing ponies the second you show up looking for them?” Twilight asked. “Now that an inquisitor is here it's the absolute worst time to strike? Are they just stupid?”
“It'd be a stupid time to anypony to murder,” Dash said. “But oh look! There's the body, so apparently they did it anyway.”
Twilight just frowned, not wanting to concede the point to Dash.
“And that's why I'm a vampony hunter and you're basically just an idiot.” Dash gave Twilight a pat on the head. “But yeah, Vamponies play these sadistic sort of games all the time. All of them are like that. They get some kind of sick pleasure out of toying with other ponies. Waiting for an inquisitor to show up before they start killing is exactly the sort of thing one would do, they'd see my presence as an invitation to play. The vampony is probably standing in this very room, laughing internally.”
“So you're saying the vampony is trying to mess with us?” Twilight asked.
“I'm absolutely certain of it.” Dash nodded.
“Well if it is a vampony then they must have snuck in a while ago,” said Twilight. “The door hasn't been opened in a long time. It's either that or somepony snapped.”
“Or that one of you is the vampony,” said Dash. “Fluttershy, did you hear anything at all?”
“No.” Fluttershy shook her head. “I just heard something creaking behind me. I turned to look and then I panicked.”
“They could have snuck passed you,” said Dash. “Vamponies are seriously that fast.”
Twilight had remained very silent and deep in thought, but suddenly stood up and turned to leave.
“I'm going to check downstairs,” said Twilight before leaving.
“Looking for an intruder is a waste of time,” said Dash. “I know its someone in this town. Come on Fluttershy, we'll go through every single pony and listen to where they were when the murder happened. The killer must have left their room before the murder took place, and they must have not come back.”
“I really do think you're on the wrong track,” said Rarity. “I heard somepony running towards the stairs just before and away just after the attack. It must have been the killer and they must have come back upstairs.”
“And where were you when this happened, exactly?” Dash asked. “Might as well start with you.”
“Oh, you're actually investigating now?” Rarity asked. “Well I was playing cards with Pinkie the whole time.”
“So your alibi is the pony with memory problems?” Dash asked.
“Pinkie exaggerated before,” said Rarity. “She only has problems with short term. She'll remember everything tomorrow just fine.”
“By tomorrow it'll be too late,” said Dash. “And if I'm not mistaken, your room was right behind Fluttershy.”
Dash moved over to the door to Rarity's room and wiggled it on its hinge, creating a squeak.
“Does that sound like the creaking you heard?” Dash asked Fluttershy.
“A little,” said Fluttershy, “but I don't remember it exactly and Rarity wouldn't-”
“She wouldn't, huh?” Dash gave Rarity a sideways glare. “Then I think we found our new primary suspect.”
“You're accusing me now?” Rarity asked. “Are you as sure about me as you were about Applejack?”
“Applejack was just a slight oversight,” said Dash. “But you've got all the tells of a vampony and could have easily done this unseen. You were the closest to the crime scene and the only one who could have done it without anypony remembering you let your room.”
“Other than Fluttershy?” Rarity asked. “She didn't have anypony around her. And there could have been others too. Oh, and what just happened to your 'the vampony is downstairs thing', hm? You all saw me come out of my room just now, right? My upstairs room?”
A few ponies made sounds of agreement. In response, Rarity raised her head and gave a victorious little scoff. Dash frowned.
“It wasn't Fluttershy,” said Dash, “I'm absolutely certain of that. But I guess you have a point about the whole, upstairs-downstairs paradox. We'd better start asking around. Come on, Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy and Dash did ask a lot of ponies a lot of questions, but their answers were all more or less the same. They were asleep, they heard a scream and then they went outside to look. Every single one of them was in a room with two or three other ponies at the time and none of them remembered anypony leaving or suddenly coming back.
The search the other ponies made didn't fair much better. They searched high and low, but there were no signs of an intruder. That door was the only way in or out, all the windows having those heavy bars over them.
Hours went by. The sun came back up and now it was well passed noon. Tension was starting to build up again, but not the stunned sort Dash brought. It was more fervent, not nearly a panic, but the ponies of the town were becoming more and more desperate to find the intruder before night as the day drew on.
“Keep this under your hat,” said Dash, “but I'm starting to think it was Rarity after all. I dunno how she pulled it off yet, but she's the only one who wasn't accounted for during the murder. There's no one else it could be!”
“And now we have to stare at Rarity?”
“No,” said Dash. “Well, yes. But this time we're gonna do it in secret. Come on.”
Dash moved over to the front door and pushed it open, beckoning Fluttershy to follow. Fluttershy glanced nervously at the clock, then trotted over to Dash.
“Why are we going outside?” Fluttershy asked. “It's sort of against the rules. On our holiday, I mean.”
“Your parties already been pooped,” said Dash. “I think we have more important things to worry about.”
Dash and Fluttershy circled around the inn. Even during the day the outside was far more foreboding than the inside. It was taller than the other buildings and it was in need of a new paint job, but it was those thick iron bars and shattered windows that made it seem like a place best avoided.
“How are we going to spy on Rarity from outside, though?” Fluttershy asked. “We can't see through the curtains or get close enough to the window to hear.”
“Inquisitor's have our own little tricks.” Dash took out something that looked like a cup. “Just don't ask me how this works.”
“And it's on the second floor! How are we-”
Dash spread her wings and Fluttershy blushed heavily.
The two flew up to the window of Rarity’s room and Dash put the cup-type-thing up against the wall nearby it. Dash told Fluttershy to keep quite and put her ear against the other side of the cup. The two pegasi crowded around the device and listened.
“Do you honestly believe that this inquisitor is seriously this stupid?” Rarity asked in a harsh whisper. “No one can be that stupid, she wouldn't have managed to dress herself if she was. She knows. I don't know what she's playing at, but she knows.”
Dash pulled back and turned to Fluttershy.
“You see?” Dash asked. “She's hiding something.”
“Well it doesn't have to be that she's a vampony! Or that she's the killer!”
“Do you know what else she might be talking about?”
Fluttershy shook her head.
“She's obviously doing something illegal, if nothing else,” said Dash. “I'd say there's a second pony in on it too, by the sound of things.”
“Two vamponies?”
“Maybe.” Dash closed her eyes in thought for a moment. “Yeah. Yeah! That would explain how the vampony went downstairs, but Rarity stayed in her room, because the second vampony was the one who killed Applejack and what's-his-face. Let's see if we can hear who it is.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Rarity asked.
There was a pause.
“No, we have to act now. Right now,” said Rarity. There was a loud thump coming from the room. “Wait! What are you-”
Dash pulled herself and Fluttershy away.
“No good,” said Dash. “It'll be easier to just run around the side and barge into the room.”
“I kind of feel like we missed an important part of that conversation,” said Fluttershy.
But Dash was long gone, leaving Fluttershy far behind. She zoomed back into the house, up the stairs and landed outside Rarity's door, placing a hoof over the handle. The scene of her bursting back inside drew a lot of attention, but Dash stomped her hooves to draw even more of it.
“Attention everypony!” Dash announced to the room. “I have discovered that there is not one, but two vamponies. Pinkie Pie and Rarity!”
Gasps sounded through the room.
“You're accusing two ponies now?” Twilight was coming up the stairs now.
“Think about it. They leave town all the time, they're trusted memories of the community, Pinkie has that memory thing, which a vampony would totally fake, they can be in two places at once,” said Dash. “Pinkie Pie wasn't at the crime scene, because she was downstairs, wasn't she?”
“Well, uh,” Twilight turned away. “Yeah, Pinkie was downstairs. But-”
“You would never suspect her, huh?” Dash asked. “My point exactly!”
Dash entered Rarity's room closing the door behind her.
A moment passed.
Dash opened the door again.
“Never mind! Rarity's dead!” Dash yelled.
Gasps sounded throughout the room.
Several ponies rushed into Rarity's room to see. Rarity was lying on the floor in a pool of blood, a chair she had been sitting in was knocked over next to her, her neck torn open.
“Yep,” said a stallion, poking Rarity's corpse. “That's pretty dead.”
“But how is that possible?” Twilight looked over the scene, eyes wide with disbelief. “There were so many ponies standing in front of the door! Nopony could have gotten in without being seen.”
Twilight stood up and turned to the window.
“They must have come in through the window!” Twilight ran over to the window and looked over the sturdy bars, frantically studying every inch. “I have no idea how, but that's the only way.”
“Actually,” said Fluttershy, “Dash and me were standing near the window just a moment ago.”
“And it's boarded up pretty good,” said Twilight, tapping her lower lip as she looked at the bars over the window. They didn't look like they had been damaged in any way. “But then how could-”
“Ahem!” Dash called attention back to herself. “The vampony has struck again! But I think I've pieced the pieces together.”
“This oughta be good,” Twilight rolled her eyes.
“Rarity was working with the vampony in collusion,” said Dash. “But then, for reasons I don't know, the vampony decided to turn on her!”
“And who is the vampony?” Twilight asked.
“I can tell you this much without any doubt,” said Dash, “the vampony, the one who killed Rarity, was the last pony who came out of that room.”
“That does make sense,” said Fluttershy. “The last thing we heard her say was 'what are you doing'. We were at the window just a moment ago, and everypony else was standing in front of the door. The pony who killed Rarity has to be the one she was talking to. Um, right?”
Dash nodded approvingly.
“So the only question left,” said Dash, “is who was talking to Rarity a moment ago. Who was in there?”
There was a long, silent pause, then somepony in the crowd stood up.
“Pinkie Pie,” they said. “I saw Pinkie Pie go in there, then come out just before you got here.”
Several other ponies started nodding and muttering in agreement. Almost a dozen testified that Pinkie was the one who had been talking to Rarity.
“I knew it was Pinkie!” Dash declared. “She was playing the piano just like a murderer would! And that whole memory thing? Totally something a vampire would do to mess with everyone. They always mess with you!”
“What?” Twilight asked. “No! Pinkie wouldn't kill Rarity! She couldn't be a vampony either. How could any of you think that?”
“Because evidence,” said Dash. “I'm deputizing the lot of you. Go find where Pinkie is.”
To Twilight's dismay, several ponies obeyed the command. Twilight called out for them to stay, tried to remind them that Pinkie wasn't a killer, but they didn't listen.
“Sorry Twilight,” one said. “But it really does look like it's Pinkie. And if somepony's going around killing then we need to find them before, well, you know. Nightfall.”
Twilight just grunted and gave up on them. Instead, she sat down and thought hard on what just happened, looking over the scene of Rarity's murder as the other ponies ran through the inn, checking every corner.
“The guards posted at the door said nopony left!” One of them called out. “She has to still be inside.”
“She's not anywhere upstairs!”
“She isn't downstairs, either!”
“It's almost dark! Everypony needs to stick together or else Pinkie might be able to pick us all off!”
“Wait,” Twilight's ears perked up. “Wait!”
That stopped some of the frantic scurrying about.
“Wait what?” Dash trotted over to her. “You look like you just figured something out.”
Twilight hadn't expected Dash to get to her so soon. Her ears drooped just a little as she turned to the inquisitor.
“I did. I uh, I think I might know where Pinkie is.” Twilight gave a nervous smile. “There's a sub basement. If she's still inside then she has to be down here.”
“What? And how come nopony's told me about this yet?”
“Most of them don't know about it,” said Twilight. “It's where Applejack keeps her valuables. Kind of a secret, really. Don't show the others where I'm taking you.”
“Well it's not like Applejack can use any of her valuables now,” said Dash. “But as a representative of Celestia I demand you take me there right now. And be glad I'm gonna overlook you not telling me sooner.”
Twilight lead Dash to the basement and showed her the door to the lower levels. Sure enough it was hidden like Twilight said, behind a cabinet and camouflaged wall. Dash peered down the pitch black stairway. It looked like the next floor was down way deep, farther than Dash could see, at least.
“Well?” Dash turned to the other two. “Are you coming?”
Fluttershy shook her head faster than she ever shook it before.
“Down there? With a vampony? No thanks!” Fluttershy squeaked. “I'll just stay up here with all the other ponies.”
Dash looked over at Twilight.
“You're the vampony slayer, so go slay your vampony,” said Twilight. “I'll try to keep the ponies up here in line.”
“Eh, whatever. Guess not everypony has the guts to do my job.”
Dash shrugged, turned on her lantern and went into the darkness. The stairs went down even deeper than Dash had thought. She must have gone three stories down into the darkness by the time she reached the bottom.
It was much bigger than a normal secret vault would be, with hallways leading out in every direction. Dash was good at keeping track of these things, utilizing those skills to systematically move through the cellar. Still, all these hallways made it seem like a small maze. The rooms she passed were mostly empty, sometimes containing a few barrels or crates which Dash checked before moving on. They contained nothing over suspicious.
Dash heard humming as she moved deeper into the cellar. So Dash did the obvious thing and started to follow the direction of the humming until she got to a door, one leading to the room it was clearly coming from. By then Dash could clearly make out the voice as Pinkie's.
With no real caution, she threw open the door to find Pinkie Pie leaning over a crate, tapping it with her hooves in time with her humming as she pushed it against the wall. The room was filled with crates, much more than any of the others were. From the looks of it, the one Pinkie was pushing contained a bunch of old tools.
“You!” said Dash, swinging her lantern to illuminate Pinkie.
“Me!” Pinkie said, spinning around to smile back at Dash. She had more than a little ash on her face and hooves. “Aaaaaaand I forgot what I was doing. Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! Who are you?”
“Don't play dumb. You know who I am,” said Dash.
“Do I?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head. “Did we meet today? Cause I spent too much time on the rock farm and now I have this memory thing where-”
“Still holding to that, huh?” said Dash. She put the lantern down and trotted over to Pinkie. “Well then let me clue you in. I'm an inquisitor. Inquisitor Rainbow Dash.”
“Oh no! Are you here cause my laundry was too clean?” Pinkie asked with a gasp. “But I don't even have that much laundry! I'm a nudist!”
“Nah, I'm here for a vampony,” said Dash, opening up her jacket to look over her arsenal of anti-vampony weapons. “There's a vampony somewhere in this house, you know.”
“A vampony?! Here?!” Pinkie staggered back in fear until her back was against the crates. “Vamponies are the absolute worst! You're gonna get them, right?”
Dash reached into her jacket and took out an oak stake.
“Yeah,” said Dash. “Yeah, I'm gonna get em.”
Dash cam right in front of Pinkie.
“Actually, some ponies are thinking maybe it's you.” Dash pointed the tip of the stake at Pinkie.
“Me?! But I'm not a vampony! I would remember being a vampony!” Pinkie swore, then paused to think for a moment. “Or maybe I guess I might not remember. In fact my memory issues and the fact that I travel around all the time would be the perfect cover for me being a vampony, especially if Rarity was in on it or under my vampire control. But uh-”
Pinkie just gave Dash a huge, nervous, toothy grin. Dash brandished the stake and looked Pinkie over menacingly.
And then Dash laughed. Pinkie glanced about with her eyes before beginning to laugh as well.
“Don't worry! Don't worry!” Dash waved her hoof. “I know you're not the vampony.”
“Oh that's good!” Pinkie said. “For a second I thought you were going to stab me!”
“Nah. I was uh, let's say 'toying' with the idea of you being the vampony up until now,” said Dash. She put the stake back into her jacket and took a few steps back. “But there's a very important clue I found. One that proves without a doubt that you can't be the vampony.”
“Really? Oh! This is exciting! It's like a mystery novel now!” Pinkie was like a roller coaster of emotions. A second ago she was in fear for her life and now she was all happy slappy? Dash frowned a little at that. “What was the clue?”
Dash motioned for Pinkie to come closer. Pinkie did so. Dash looked back at the door to make sure no one was listening before leaning in to whisper to Pinkie.
“You see, you can't be the vampony,” said Dash, “if I am.”
The look on Pinkie's face as she realized what that meant was delicious. That look, that fear, that made it all worth it!
Just before the mare screamed, Dash moved forward and sunk her fangs into Pinkie's throat, silencing her. Warm blood flooded into Dash's mouth for the fourth time this night. It tasted so much better when they were scared, you have no idea! It was delicious, better than cider!
But like always it never lasted long. Soon Pinkie had little blood left and the gush became a trickle. At that point, Dash let go and threw her to the ground, leaving Pinkie in a pool of blood. She wasn't dead, but would only last a few seconds.
“Ah!” Dash smacked her lips and leaned back, letting the waves of pleasure wash over her. “That felt great!”
Pinkie made some kind of guttural noise. Dash patted her on the head in response.
“You were good,” said Dash. “Killing isn't always this fun, you know. But you just focus on dying now, kay? I gotta get this blood off me.”
Dash got up and looked around the room for something. There was a tapestry not far off she could use, so she tore it off the wall and began scrubbing the blood off her, something Dash was a master at.
She was almost clean and about to cast the bloody tapestry behind when she noticed something, a loose brick in the wall behind where the tapestry had just been. It wasn't something a normal pony would have noticed just like that, but Dash had a lot of experience with these things. This could be where Applejack's hidden stash was.
Maybe it wouldn't hurt to take a coin or two on her way out. Then again, maybe it'd just be a pile of apples. She glanced around to make sure nopony was around and pulled the brick out. She was not expecting what she found.
A skull!
It's not that Dash was squeamish, she killed ponies herself all the time, but she hadn't expected Rarity and Pinkie to actually be serial killers. And there could be even more behind here, Dash hadn't even opened the thing all the way.
Eh, so she killed a killer. These things probably happened every now and then.
Still, there being at least one dead body in the basement made Dash wary. She decided she'd had enough fun for one night. If only she'd known Pinkie was a killer too, she could have pegged all the murders on Pinkie. Sadly, with the mare's throat ripped out it'd be clear she was killed by a vampire herself.
Dash would just have to stalk off at some point, a rather unsatisfying exit.
“Only four kills,” Dash muttered. “Getting rusty.”
She noticed Pinkie was still moving, convulsing a little like she was having a seizure That happened sometimes, Pinkie might be shaking a bit more lively than the others, but she was more lively than most in every way.
“Well you have fun.” Dash chuckled and turned her back on Pinkie.
She retraced her steps all the way to the top of the cellar, getting ready for her final performance with these idiots. Actually, she had a pretty good idea on how to get Fluttershy too on the way out. She reached the top of the stairs and threw open the cellar door.
Twilight stood just in front of the cellar door, looking down at Dash with contempt. Fluttershy hid behind her. There were more of them too, dozens of ponies behind Twilight, possibly the whole town.
“I know what you are,” said Twilight.
“Oh? Then you'll know I can get Celestia to burn down your entire town if you keep acting like-”
Dash tried to push past Twilight but the mare stepped in her way.
“Don't play dumb with me!” Twilight growled at Dash, clenching her teeth tight. The others behind her seemed to be doing the same. “I know you're a vampony! I should have seen it earlier. You were the only one it could have been!”
Dash wasn't nearly dumb enough to reveal herself just like that, not in front of the whole town.
“And what makes you think I'm the only one it can be?” Dash asked. “And for your information, I found conclusive proof that Pinkie was the vampony. Note how that's past tense, by the way, so you can thank me. I'll show you if you just come down and-”
“Oh no! I know for absolute certain it isn't Pinkie or any of the rest of us. You want to know how?” Twilight gnashed her teeth together, they weren't flat anymore. They had sharpened into a row of fangs!
Twilight and all the other ponies began to change. Their fur became coarse and rough, the colors washing out to a more greyish version of their colors. Their ears became more pointed, with tufts of fur at the tips. Their hooves contorted into something much more like paws, from which razor sharp claws began to emerge. Their muzzles elongated and their teeth grew into sharp fangs.
“It's because you can't be a vampony,” Twilight said, growling out each word with significant effort, about to lose control to her blood lust, “if you're a werewolf!”
Dash looked behind Twilight counting the number of ponies beginning to snarl as they took on increasingly wolf-like features. Ten, twenty, maybe thirty was the number of them crowding around the door alone. Thirty ponies Dash could easily slaughter, but thirty werewolves was a different matter, and she knew she wasn't seeing all of them. A few dozen more would be waiting in the rooms between her and the only door.
So instead of charging, Dash slammed the door shut and locked it. Already the ponies on the other side were clearly losing control, Dash heard them roaring and howling, and she felt them slamming into the door over and over again. The door slammed and shook, but Dash's vampire strength was more than enough to hold it.
How long until sunrise? It had to be at least twelve hours. Dash knew she could hold out that long, but the door might not be able to. Already the hinges were coming loose and those claws were scraping hard against the wood. Werewolf claws were unbelievably sharp, enough to dig through wood like this in a matter of minutes.
She needed to think of another plan. Maybe barricade the door then run deeper into the labyrinth below? Then she could try picking them off one by one. Werewolves would only be trouble if they all came at her at once, like they were doing now.
One of those claws tore through the wood just an inch from Dash's head. Retreat looked like the only option. She took out her crossbow and hooked it under the handle of the door for a bit of extra support before turning to fly back into the basement.
But the moment Dash turned around a werewolf pounced on her, digging it's claws into Dash's withers. She was pinned underneath the wolf in seconds. Dash knew where this one had come from at a glance, it's pink fur and blood soaked neck was all the evidence she needed. It was Pinkie Pie. Dash shouldn't have toyed with her like that!
Pinkie snarled and went for Dash's throat, but Dash wasn't about to let a werewolf to that to her. She kicked Pinkie up into the air with her hind legs, sending the wolf tumbling down the stairs.
Behind her, the door was already nearly torn to bits. One of the wolves reached a paw in slashed Dash as she stood up, giving Pinkie just enough time to come barreling back up the stairs, bearing her teeth at Dash. Dash blocked with a foreleg, letting Pinkie tear into that instead of her neck.
To make matters worse, Dash noticed more glowing eyes and growls gathering at the base of the stairs. Twilight must have sent other ponies down there, just to corner Dash at this very spot!
“Buck it!” Dash gritted her teeth. As much as she wanted to, she wouldn't be able to thing them out. She had to make a run for it.
She threw Pinkie off her leg, throwing her back down the stairs and bucked the door behind her hard. What was left of the door shattered, sending the wolves on the other side staggering back. She spun around and charged into the door where a mob of wolves were waiting to pounce on her. Dash's only hope now was that her supernatural vampire speed would be enough.
Dash managed to dart under the first wave and over the next werewolf, but another one she didn't see jumped up and bit her in the leg. Dash kicked that wolf on and continued forward, but only got two steps before feeling the slash of a claw.
She waded through claws and fangs like that on her way to the door. She dodged most of them, but the ones who got a hit on Dash dug down deep, cutting her up worse by the second. And it was still a long way to the front door.
She needed to make it to the front door as soon as possible! If she just got outside she could fly off and be fine!
Dash was nearly ripped up to ribbons, but finally the door was in sight. She looked for the handle but all she found was several planks of wood nailed into the door.
The door had been boarded up! Dash slammed her hoof into it over and over, but the heavy door proved much sturdier than the one leading to the basement. A large group of werewolves surrounded her now. There was no way she'd break through in time! There had to be an easier way out.
Dash frantically looked around anything, finally noticing the nearby window. She darted to that, only to see those thick, steel bars covering her exit. Well, now she knew what they were for! They weren't supposed to keep anypony out, but to keep themselves in. Worse, she knew every window was like that.
She felt two werewolves bite down onto each of her hind legs and start pulling. Her only hope now was to try and somehow break through the bars. She hit it, but nothing happened. She heard more growls, saw wolves jumping at her from the corner of her eyes. Dash pulled her hoof back and punched forward as hard as she could, finally knocking the bars off the window. There was a hole now, one just big enough to fit through!
Two more wolves bit down on Dash and started pulling. With all her might, Dash pulled herself forward, inching her head closer and closer to the hole. She got her muzzle to peek out just a little when another wolf piled on, biting onto her neck.
Dash slipped and the wolves all jumped onto her. She flailed about, throwing them across the room, knocking their teeth out, breaking their legs, tearing out chunks of them with her teeth. But more and more kept coming, biting into her. Soon she was covered in werewolves, being eaten alive.
And by dawn nothing was left of her but a few scattered bones.