//------------------------------// // Episode Two // Story: Horse La Horse Season 1 // by Stegtorn //------------------------------// "You're telling me that /you're/ the one who made this?" Twilight Sparkle nods her head cheerfully. "But how? Why? I mean, how did you even get my measurements?" "Rarity helped me sow it and I took your measurements just now, while you were asleep." "Oh well that answers all my questions." She lets out a sigh of relief. "Except for the one about why." "That, I can't tell you, not yet." "Why not?" "Because," she hops off the bed and twirls, "y-you m-must first. . .uh." "Uh?" "T-take me on-," she gulps, blushing. TAKE ON ME, /take on me/. TAKE ME ON~ "On a?" "A DATE!" she shouts, bursting from her seat before curling back into an embarrassed ball. "What? I hardly know you. And the only reason I saved you today was because I'm a nice guy. I think you owe me some answers." "B-but, we're suppose to go on a uh," she struts to the door, obviously trying to show off. What has gotten into her? Usually she's so nervous and not confident. Maybe books put her into some sort of subdued state? You wouldn't be surprised. "Meh." Hopefully this works. "What do you mean 'meh'," she asks, looking from her rump to you. She looks a little nervous, her facade is breaking up, perfect. "Meh." You try your best to subdue a smile. "B-but, how else will you find out why I want you to fight Sunset Shimmer?" You glance over at her, turning your head slowly for effect. "Meh." She starts pacing around, looking sweaty. "W-we have to go on a date though." "I don't think so. I don't have to fight Sunset either." She gasps, spinning around. Twilight jumps into your lap, burying her face into your...'horn'. "Please Anonymous, do it for me!" "Hmm." Should you do it for her? She looks up hopefully, eyes twinkling. "I'll think about it." "Ugh." You tell her it would be best if she left you to rest, and she does leave with little complaint, just some mumbling about horn sizes. You're left to your own devices, and that bottle of pills. Horn growth, huh? Well, one couldn't hurt right? Maybe you'll even grow a horn, magic might be pretty cool to have. You pop a pill, undress down to your under-roos… Uhm. You can't recall your underpants being a bright pink. Well, it's the only clothes you have now, you're just going to have to deal. Superb. Finally, a Friday! Today will be a good day, you think, rising out of bed. This time you aren't an idiot and remember to eat breakfast. Unfortunately you forgot your clothes when heading out the first time, and had to bolt back home to get into your suit. Sure gave that mare something to scream about. You're still shocked those horn enhancers worked! Shame you still don't have an actual magic horn. You get to school with no trouble, but you find some the moment you step into the courtyard. Ponies are gathered in their groups, chattering lowly as they wait for the school's doors to open. You think you spot Twilight, buried in a book, near the entrance but you can't be sure. Well why not take a closer look? Oh you can't. Two runts block your path. They're saying something, but you're too focused on Twilight, after a couple seconds you finally pay them mind. "—Ya heard? No one messes with the great and powerful Trixie," the shorter of the two says. "Meh." "BWAH?" they say in unison. They look to each other and then back at you. "No one simply brushes off the word of Trixie!" "The word of who?" "HER NAME IS TRIXIE." They stand back to back, a flare of light coming from them. "We must defend her honor, Snips," the lanky one says. "Right behind you, Snails," his tubby companion replies. "What are you two planning?" you question, taking a step back. "We're none other than Snips," there is a pause as Snips stands on two legs and rubs a hoof down his tummy. "And Snails~" Snails does the same thing, his mane flowing in the wind. "AND WE WILL CRUSH ANY WHO DON'T BOW TO TRIXIE," they say in unison, eyes flaring with rage. As quick as possible you throw off your suit coat, toss off your tie and unbutton your shirt. "Are we going to fight?" They chuckle like two cartoon villains. "No, we are going to stomp you." [Theme of Snips & Snails]: (Real Big Fish’s cover of Take on Me) "Meh." You adopt your fighting stance, dancing between two feet, fists raised and body turned at an angle. Snips charges at you first, chub wiggling as he runs and pounces. You send out a punch to meet his smug face halfway. AH! Quickly you withdrawal your hand and stumble back, finger pulsing with pain. A bit of blood trickles down your index. "Did you just stab me?" Snips produces a pair of scissors and cuts the air with them a few times. Now you've just got to wipe the smile off that guy’s face, with your fists! You hop toward him, just about to delivered a 5-finger sandwich to his stupid horse face. Without warning you're hit from the side with something wet and slimy that topples you to the ground. Ow. W-what? What hit you? Snips was right there and Snails was right behind him. The two cackle. An upset little snail crawls away from you in the grass. Twilight Sparkle comes up, joining in the ragged circle that's begun forming. "Work up a sweat, Anon!" she says to you from across the way. "What?" you ask, springing to your feet and swinging your fist at Snails. "Get sweaty~" Instead of soft pony jaw you hit something soft and wet. A octopus slides off Snails giggling face, the indent from your fist still on its back. "I thought your gimmick was suppose to be snails?" "My 'gimmick' is slimy things!" he shouts angrily, tossing another octopus. You bat it away, but before you can throw a punch Snips is at your side, snipping away. Dodging, you give him a quick jab that makes him back off. You can't keep this up. That last attack was all luck; you can hardly get a hit in with both of them keeping you cornered and dodging. "YOU'RE OUT MATCHED!" they shout in unison, flexing their nonexistent muscles. You huff and puff, why is it so hot? Look up at the mellow sun, you figure it's just a hot day. Sweat trickles down your back and touches your boxers. Whoa, that feels weird. Tight all of a sudd— OW. "My naturally enhanced horn!" you yelp, grasping for your crotch. Feels like your underwear is getting sucked into you. Your button-up shirt slides to the floor as you're forcibly contorted. Snips and Snails and everyone else look on in shock as your clothes wrap and twist around you. There is hardly anything you can do as your suit is turned into nothing more put a pair of boxers and suspenders. "W-what the hell?" You can see Twilight smiling like a goof in the back. Looking down, you see only bright pink boxers and suspenders. "DELICIOUS!" some overly saccharine voice calls. "W-what was that?" Your opponents look at you with a confused face. "Down here buddy," the voice says. Once again you turn your gaze to your under garments. "Uh. Hello?" you say to your dick, face getting red as you realize what you're doing. "T-that's so lewd," whispers someone in the quickly growing crowd around you. "Hi, I'm Pinkie!" "Oh god, what? Like, the one from Sugar Cube Corner?" "No silly, just a reflection of her," your boxers giggle. YOUR BOXERS ARE GIGGLING. It tickles in all the wron— RIGHT places. "I have no idea what the hell is going on." "Neither do we, are you gonna fight or what?" Snips asks, Snail's gaze trickling down to your package. "I'm gonna help you defeat these two hooligans," your undergarments say. Are they still undergarments if they're the only thing you're wearing? "Hooligans?" you ask, skeptically. Your boxers just said hooligans. "Anonymous, I'll give you the extra speed and mobility you need to evade both of these chuckle. . .huh, what's the word?" "Chucklefucks?" "Yes! Now go beat up these chucklefucks." "O-okay." "What did he say about my mother?" Snails asks, eyes still on your underpants. You leap over to him, feeling some strange power coming from your loin-area. Whoa. With one fluid motion you tug on his horn with one hand, forcing him down, and with the other you give him a brain jarring uppercut. "Violence! More violence!" Pinkie-Pants squeals as you nimbly avoid Snip's attacks. It's so much easier than it was before, this is taking no effort. You jump up, Bruce Lee'ing the shit out of his face with your foot. "Behind you!" Spinning around you accidentally deck the downed Snails with a reaction punch. "Whoa." "You're welcome!" Pinkie-Pants squeals. Seems you've defeated them both. You feel so invigorated! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! All around you stallions and mares are bickering, some collecting money, some giving it up. Looks like there was only one guy who bet you. "Oh, he's one of those stallions," one mare says while looking at you. "One of them exhibitionists?" some other asks. "Yeah that kind." You turn away, blushing a bit, to spot Twilight walking off to the school doors, which just opened. You don't catch up to Twilight, and you don't get to talk to her in class, but you do get a chance at lunch. Thankfully your suit has gone back to normal, but you still get stares and giggles as you pass by. Twilight is munching on a daisy sandwich or something similar when you get to her. She's sitting outside in the shade of a tree, while other students chat or magic-toss a hacky-sack around. "I don't even know where to begin, but I need some answers or something Twilight. I mean, I got stripped to my underwear by your 'suit'. And it talks ya know, my pants talk." She says nothing, finishing up her lunch. With a giddy but nervous smile she looks up at you. "Don't worry Anonymous, all clothes do that." "W-what?" She leans in a bit closer. "We'll talk later, the school isn't safe," she looks up at the building itself. Following her gaze you spot an open window, and someone leaving that window. She brushes some crumbs off her and saunters off. You spent all day grinding your teeth together, the first time in weeks that's happened. For quite sometime you were relaxed, everything was nice and cool, everything was meh. Just as you liked it! But now all this craziness has stirred up and no one wants to tell you anything. You meet Twilight just outside the school all the same. "So, can you tell me things now?" "No, follow me." "Ugh." She smirks and starts walking away. You trudge behind her for FIVE whole minutes until she stops in front of a little restaurant. "This place is. . .uh, safe," she mumbles. She looks up at you pleadingly. "C-can you treat me to dinner?" You gaze at your watch. "It's 4 o'clock, who eats dinner at 4?" She sniffles a little bit, eyes watery. "P-please." Aw how can you say 'meh' to that face? "Fine." She squeals like a happy pony and bounds inside. By the time you catch up to here she's already at a booth, stuffing herself with a hay sandwich. You grudgingly sit across from her. At least she got a booth. "You want one?" she asks, bits of hay sticking out of her teeth, crazed expression on her face. "Uh, no." Various munching noises come from your dinner partner. "Perhaps now you can tell me why this suit," you grab onto your lapels, "turns into underwear when I get sweaty?" "I-it's my fe-fet-" she mumbles. "YOUR WHAT? SPEAK UP," you slam a fork into the table. The restaurant falls dead silent, dozens of pony eyes locked onto you in shock. Somehow you're half way across the table, your knife pointing at Twilight. You slither back to your seat. Hmm, this suit is rousing your angry side. OR MAYBE IT'S JUST TWILIGHT BEING A BIG MORON? "Oh right. The suit is just regular horse fabric." The FUCK is horse fabric? "But I imbued it with a special magic! When your fluids come into contact with it, it will transform into something more fitting for the task at hand. To help you fight each transformation comes with a reflection of one of my best friends!" "Fluids? Magic? Transformations?" She puts down her sandwich. "Yes, sweat, blood, tears and—" she disappears. You flick your head around. "Whoa!" She's right next to you, fuzzy pony cheek rubbing against yours. "—Other juices~" You shy away from her and she's magically back in her own seat. "So, why did you make this suit for me?" "I think it makes you look n-nice." Before you can tell Twilight how much she is a mumbling, bumbling, fumbling pony you're interrupted by a vinyl hitting your face and you collapse to the side. "M-meh," you mewl, laying on your back in the booth, vinyl imprint on your face. Sitting up you spot a white mare, a unicorn to be exact, standing on the table nearest you. She's got red goggles on, rapidly spinning vinyls at her sides. "What the hell was that for?" "For being a big meanie and beating up those poor kids today." "Uh-oh, watch out Anon, this is one of Sunset Shimmer's closer friends." "She can't be any tougher than Colgate, can she?" The mare laughs, "Colgate wasn't exerting her full power." "Meh." On the outside you're calm as a cucumber being pickled. But on the inside you're a nervous wreck. Colgate wasn't using her full power? Could that whole thing have been set up? Set up for what? Maybe to get your confidence up? So many questions, ugh! "So, let the battle commence," she says, voice ringing through the restaurant. Patrons and employees alike either scurry out or hide behind tables, watching in relative safety. [Theme of Vinyl Scratch]: (Running in the 90s - Maurizio De Jorio) You 'accidentally' throw your suit jacket over Twilight's face while assuming your stance. If you can get sweaty this fight will another piece of cake, you think. Before you can taunt, or converse with your enemy for 13 episodes and then transform, you're hit in the gut with a walkman. "Radical!" she says, giving herself a pat on the back. You look straight into her loathsome goggles, clutching your side. Urge to kill, rising. You dive to the side, taking cover by a table as vinyls dig into the wood right near your head. "Hiding? You wimp! Come out and face me like a mare," she hops onto a table to get the high ground. "But I'm a man," you reply, sneaking behind her while she tosses a laser disc at your previous spot. Smiling to yourself you pounce from your position behind her, ready with a punch. "PSYCH!" You're smacked in the face with a VCR player, the plug whipping you as you fall to the carpet. It hurts pretty bad, but the carpet is kinda soft. Shag, you think. "What's the damage, you square?" "I've got like 70% healt— uh did you did you just call me a square?" You rise to your feat, eyes locked with her goggles. "It's hip to be square," you say defiantly. You dexterously duck under her flurry of discs and cassettes, only to have your uppercut blocked by another vinyl. Once again you disengage. How can you get close if she can detect your strikes! And why the hell aren't you sweating? You look around; damn. Air conditioning! No way you can get sweaty with the cool comfort of an A/C keeping your body chilled. You're boned now, kiddo. More vinyls come spinning your way, Scratch smiling smugly. You dodge two but are too slow to evade the third. Time to pull some tough guy shit. You catch the third in your hand. The disc cuts into your flesh, digging into your palm. You stumble back into another table, grunting as the corner pokes your butt. "Anon! Wipe the blood off on your pants," Twilight calls. "But what if it stains?" you question, looking over at her, your suit jacket wrapped around her head like a turban. "But you'll transform!" OH RIGHT. Vinyl's eyes go wide and she jumps up to stop you, but before she can even get close your already wiping blood all over your shirt and pants like a soapy lather. [Theme of Anonymous' Blood Suit]: (Crawling in my Green Hill Zone) There is a ringing in your ears as your clothes tighten up again. The shirt and pants don't disappear this time, but they do change. Your once relatively clean slacks are transformed into black, ripped up jeans. Ow. GOD OW WHAT THE HELL. You open up your jeans and look down. By god it's like a rose bush down there. Thorns, flowers! It's both painful and sensual. The button up shirt suffers a far worse fate. Black shoulder pads sprout long, thin spikes. The buttons meld together to form a regular t-shirt. Seems to be for some sort of grunge band. You look down at your new shirt, seeing a skeleton pony dripping blood, the words "Pain is forever" under it. In the corner you spot a rather unfitting little cloud and rainbow lightning bolt. Rainbow Dash's cutie mark! Oh god. "FEED ME MORE BLOOD, MORTAL," your clothes yell in its female, and hoarse, horse voice. "W-what happened to your face?" Vinyl asks in fear, taking a few steps back. You frantically look around, looking for a toaster or something. The metal napkin holder reflects some strange creature back at you. Gasping in shock you get closer to confirm it's really you. Jet black spiky hair, black eyeliner and lipstick. God, you look like you should be in a band called Green Day or Licking Park Benches. But, you feel like you're burning up with angst and power. "YOU INSOLENT FOOL, THIS IS MY FACE NOW. EMBRACE THE DARK." "You catch on quick," Blackbow Dash comments. You march up to your enemy. She's just shivering in fear of your shadow. "MUWAHAHAHA." IN THE NEXT EPISODE: Will Anonymous or Vinyl achieve victory? Will Anonymous stop crawling in his skin? Will Twilight Sparkle ever get in Anonymous' pants? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON HORSE THE HORSE!