"Cave Johnson here, yet again. Thought you killed me? Well, too bad. Although I liked the death-by-daytime-television idea, it just didn't have enough giant lasers that like tofu. Now, back to science. Twi, what's next on the list?" Twilight flipped through her clipboard full of poorly drawn Companion Cubes. She came across a list,
Twilight recalled on how hard it is to write with hooves. She then started to panic, as she had nothing planned for the fourth idea. The last thing Twilight wanted was to disappoint her mentor. Her mind raced for ideas on what they could do. Then she remembered stumbling upon Rainbow Dash painting her hair once, for no apparent reason. Twilight pondered how she could make the paint fall off, like in those cartoons where someone runs away, and their outline stays. An incandescent light bulb went off above her head, but she swatted it away. Then a compact fluorescent lamp appeared over her head, and she got an idea. But she swatted that away also, she hates hipster light bulbs.
"Sir, I've got it!" Twilight told Johnson. "If we could harnass the power of the rainbow, we could make a giant laser thing that shoots lasers!"
"Hmm, I heard the word laser... let's do it! Maybe we can use it to remove that slime thing that's been eating our scientists. Poor Colgate, she was so close to finding a radioactive toothpaste that only caused minor green peanut butter cravings. So, how do we harness this 'rainbow' thing?"
"I believe if we speed up a rainbow-colored object fast enough to break the sound barrier, it will cause a large enough blast for us to capture the energy and put it into a giant satellite laser in the sky."
"Good thinking, Twi. This is exactly what we need at Aperture. So, since flinging inanimate objects at high-speeds isn't fun, whose the test subject?"
"I suggest Rainbow Dash!"
"Good, where can we kidnap- I mean borrow him/her/it/giant-robot/portable-hamburger?"
"Uh, she usually hangs out on top of clouds."
"You know what that means..."
"Giant fan time!" They both said in unison.
"So... where exactly did we get this giant fan, Twi?" Johnson asked Twilight as they stood outside, with a giant fan towering over the clouds. It looked like this:
But about thirty times larger.
"I won it in a cereal box," Twilight replied.
"Good enough for me, hit it!" Twilight nodded, and slammed her hoof on a large red button that was on the back of the fan. The fan started to spin and make a whirring sound. All clouds in its direction shot away from it, causing all pegasus that were floating on clouds to fall off. The sky rained literal ponies as the two scientists searched for their rainbow-mullet test subject.
"Found her!" Cave Johnson said as he dragged Rainbow Dash over to Twilight.
"Hey! Lemme go!" Rainbow Dash yelled at them.
"On second thought, I think this might be a guy," Cave Johnson said as he met Twilight. "Now, let's drag him back to the lab."
"Hey! This is so NOT cool!" Rainbow Dash complained as she was strapped into a horse carriage with a giant rocket engine loosely duck-taped on. Twilight finished taping Rainbow Dash to the top of the carriage, and gave the all clear sign to Johnson. Cave nodded, and lit the fuse on the back of the rocket. Then the two scientists ran away, then jumped behind a thin piece of glass nearby. The rocket's fuse got shorter and shorter, until it disappeared inside of the large device. For a second, it seemed like a dud.
"Uh, is it working?" Twilight asked.
"It has to! Science won't fail us-" Cave said, as he was interrupted with, *BOOM*
The carriage shot forward, leaving an outline of rainbow that quickly dispersed into thin air. Rainbow Dash yelled as she went near-light speed. A cone formed around the carriage, then a large explosion of rainbow shot out in all directions.
"I will never forget thissssssss!" Rainbow Dash yelled as she flew away from our scientists.
"Twi, is the ramp in place?" Cave Johnson asked Twilight.
"Yes, and I even got the one that shoots jello at hipsters and Santa Claus," Twilight replied.
"Good thinking." Rainbow Dash sped towards the wooden, poorly-built ramp. Once the carriage touched the ramp, it disintegrated into saw dust, and Rainbow Dash shot past it.
"Uh, Mr. Johnson sir, there may be a problem," Twilight said as she noticed the ramp.
"Any backups?" Cave Johnson asked.
"Oh yeah! I planted a remote-detonated mine in case this particular event happened!"
"You're my number one student! Hit it!" Twilight nodded, and pressed the button on a remote that just appeared in her hooves. Rainbow Dash ran over the mine, and it exploded. She was charred, but unharmed. The carriage she was strapped to flew upwards, straight into a conveniently-placed giant laser satellite in the sky. A bar on it lit up green.
"Full power achieved, Orbital Friendship Cannon is ready to be activated," said a robotic voice on the satellite. Then, Rainbow Dash fell back down to Earth, but conveniently landed in a large trampoline designed to keep penguins from growing three flippers and shooting tacos out of their eyes. Twilight and Cave Johnson highhoof'd each other, and said in unison,
"For science!"
"Now, let's fire this baby," Cave Johnson said as he hit a red button on a remote that appeared out of nowhere.
The rainbow-colored blast hit Rainbow Dash as she flew toward the two scientists to beat them up. Once the beam subsided, a burnt Rainbow Dash flew to the ground.