Saturday dawned clear and bright, to the announcement of a brand new event that would span several weeks, dozens of planets, and three galaxies, as racers from all across the known universe raced against each other on tracks designed to test their mettle. Each galaxy would run its own racing tournament, and the top four of each galaxy after each set of races would race in the final Grand Prix in Polaris. Heroes, villains, and everything in between competed in customized karts for glory, a huge prize in bolts, and the chance to blow each other up repeatedly without consequence. Each race would be on land, underwater, and on tracks across the sky.
In the Polaris initial race, Qwark rode in his custom made kart, colored green as his uniform with his symbol on the front, the design reminiscent of his luxury hover limo in design. Pulling up beside him, Nefarious - once more in his humanoid robotic form - pulled up in a much smaller vehicle that was stripped down for functionality over form, and with a great deal of weapon points and turbo burst valves. Qwark raised his eyebrow at the design of the vehicle. "What? Didn't have time to give it a coat of paint?" he asked teasingly.
Nefarious smirked back. "Nope. Your little sister kept me up all night!" He cackled as Qwark's fists clenched on the wheel. "So why such a large racer? Compensating for something?"
"Don't you think your racer is a little small for this competition?" Qwark snapped back. "In this game, bigger is better."
"That's not what she said!" Nefarious snapped back, cackling as Qwark once more clenched his teeth.
The race itself was no different in form from any other race held in any of the galaxies. Three laps around a diverse course while collecting weapons and other boosters for their vehicles, which is why the engines and weapon systems all had to be standardized to use the pickups. Each race had between eight and twelve racers, depending on how many gathered to that particular planet, and the top half - rounded down if it was an odd number - would move on to the next race on the next planet.
This was the first race in Polaris, with Dalas and Juanita starting their new announcement career as they commented on the carnage here, more civilized than what they'd commented on back in Dreadzone. Of course, in this first race, the big focal point of attention was the rivalry between Qwark and Nefarious, which was why the cameras focused on their racing more than anyone else's.
As they reached the second lap, Qwark slowed down enough to let Nefarious catch up to him, just to taunt him. "Getting a little slow there in your old age, Nefarious?"
Nefarious simply smirked back. "I've got speed when it counts...according to Twilight!" With that, he used a turbo he'd been saving, taking the lead. "You really should have seen that coming by this point!"
Qwark, growling, did his best to keep up, but on the twisting part of the track they were on, Nefarious' smaller vehicle was able to get much too far ahead with its greater drift capability and acceleration.
The races in this first set proceeded in much this way, with Nefarious and Qwark keeping most of the lead on every track, with Nefarious managing to take a lead with maneuverability, smarter use of bonus items along the track, more clever avoidance of hazards, or simply managing to distract Qwark with some quip about what he and Twilight had gotten up to, usually turned in such a way to be insulting to Qwark.
Each time one of these comments made it onto the air, Ratchet and Clank turned from their seats in the stands to glance at Twilight, who would simply giggle and wave it off, apparently finding their interactions quite entertaining. Afterwards, Ratchet would turn his face resolutely back to the race, not certain he wanted to ask the question on his mind.
Finally, the first world's races ended, with Nefarious and Qwark undisputed in first and second place, respectively. "Yes!" Nefarious proclaimed as he drove his kart into the winner's circle for the award ceremony. "The triumph of machine over the squishies is complete!"
"Hey!" Qwark complained angrily. "I'm squishy!"
"That's what she said!" Nefarious shouted back, causing Twilight up in the stands to burst into laughter and making Qwark slam his face against his steering wheel. Nefarious then gingerly climbed out of his kart, walking in an odd bow-legged gait as though he were suffering from some sort of pelvic pain.
"What's wrong?" Qwark asked smugly as he climbed easily out of his kart. "Not enough time to install good suspension?"
"What? My kart's suspension is great!" Nefarious complained. Noticing what Qwark was indicating, Nefarious scratched nervously at his chin. "Oh, my walk? No, that's because of what Twilight did last night."
"...I don't wanna know," Qwark whimpered as he took his spot on second place.
Up in the stands, Ratchet finally turned to Twilight firmly. "Okay, I need to ask now...just what did you two do last night that he keeps referring to? I mean, you didn't come home all night, and he drove you here this morning."
"Yup," Twilight confirmed. "I spent the night with my new boyfriend." She smirked wickedly. "Are you sure you want to know what we did?"
Ratchet swallowed nervously. "Uhh..."
"Only if you can summarize it in five words or less," Clank offered quickly.
"Oh, that's easy," Twilight confirmed, taking a sip from her drink. As Ratchet did likewise, she spoke up, "I gave him a penis."
Ratchet promptly spat his drink all over the three rows in front of him. "W-what?" he gasped out.
"See, the original robotization process the Bio-Bliterator systems were based on was based on a chemical reaction," Twilight elaborated. "While the technological process is a perfect 1 to 1 conversion, the original chemical conversion Nefarious underwent wasn't as thorough, especially when it came to soft tissue construction. All the nerve impulses and software were still there, but the hardware wasn't properly constructed."
"I...see," Clank murmured. "So it was in the nature of a hardware upgrade, then?"
"Yup," Twilight confirmed. "And I figured as long as I was doing that, I could add a few design features not normally found on biological hardware of that nature that were to my interest. While I haven't tested it out yet, I'm really looking forward to the-"
Ratchet promptly clapped his hands over his ears. "Oh god, stop! I can't take any more of this! It's too much!"
"That's what she'll say!" Nefarious shouted up from the first place stand, making Ratchet scream in parental terror.
"Oh...my..." Clank murmured as Twilight burst into giggles.