As the human existed the ruins, she ended up in a snowy path. “Brrr, it’s cold,” she said, “Good thing I’m wearing a sweater.” She then noticed something shiny in a bush. It happened to be a camera. “What’s a camera doing here?” She then walked down the snowy trail. She walked past a twig on the ground, she then heard the twig snap behind her. She turned around, and saw that the twig was broken. “Uh, is someone there?” The human was then scared, but she continued down the trail. A wooden bridge was up ahead, when the human got to the bridge, she heard someone following her. It was a silhouette of an earth pony mare.
“Human,” the mare said.
“Y-yes?”
“Don’t you know how to greet a new pal?” The human started to sweat from nervousness. “Turn around, and shake my hoof.” As the human turned around, the mare took out her right hoof, and right when the human grabbed her hoof, a fart sound is heard, and the mare revealed herself as a mare with pink fur, a purple mixed curly mane, a propeller hat, spiral eyes, and a pink hoodie, and her cutie mark was a screw and a baseball. “Heh heh, the old whoopee cushion in the hoof trick. It’s always funny. Anyway, you’re a human, right? That’s hilarious! I’m Screwball, the princess of chaos. My father is the spirit of chaos. Now, I’m supposed to be on a look out for humans right now, but y’know, I don’t really care about capturing anyone. Now, my younger brother, Zany, he’s a human hunting fanatic. Speaking of which, I think that’s him right now. Go through this little gate thingy. Go on, my brother made the bars to wide to keep out anyone.” The human and Screwball walked across the bridge, and they entered Screwball’s sentry post. “Quick, behind that conveniently shaped lamp!” There was a lamp that conveniently looks like herself, she hid behind it. It was then Screwball’s brother, Zany, appeared. He too was an earth pony, he had brown fur, and a pink mane. He was also wearing a red scarf and boots. “What’s up, bro?”
“You know what’s up, sister!” Zany replied, “It’s been eight days, and you still haven’t recalibrated your puzzles! What are you even doing?”
“Just looking at this lamp, it’s really cool. Wanna look?”
“No, I have no time for that! What if a human comes by here? I wanna be able to be the first one to capture it! I have to be the one, I must be the one! Then soon, I, the great Zany, will get what I utterly deserve! Respect, recognition… I’ll be able to join the Royal Guard! I’ll bathe in a shower of kisses every morning! Everyone will ask me to be their friend!”
“Hm, maybe this lamp can help you.”
“Screwball! You’re not helping, you lazy-ass!”
“Hey, that’s no way to talk to your older sister.” Screwball smirked.
Zany sighed. “Why does someone as great as me have to do so much to get some recognition?” Screwball then lit a cigarette, and smoked it. “Screwball, are you smoking?!”
“C’mon, we’re chaotic entities, we can’t get lung cancer.”
“I know that, I just don’t like the smell!”
Screwball chuckled. “Sorry.” She smokes the cigarette again.
Disgusted by his sister’s smoking addiction, Zany decided to leave. “I have to attend to my puzzles. As for your puzzles, put some improvement on them!” Zany then walked away to check on his puzzles.
“OK, he’s gone. You can come out, now.” The human came out hiding.
The human let out a small chuckle. “He seems nice,” she said.
“He might come back soon. You might want get going before he does.” As the human was about to continue her quest, Screwball stopped her. “Actually, on second thought, my brother’s been kinda down lately. He’s never seen a human before in his life, and seeing you might make his day. So, can you do this little favor for me? Don’t worry, he’s not dangerous, even if he tries to be.”
The human thought about, and made her decision. “OK, why not?”
“Great!” Screwball then teleported away, and the human continued on.
Eventually, the human ran into them again, and they were having a conversation. “So, as I was saying about Aunt Rainbow Dash…” Zany said before noticing something, and when he did, he and Screwball looked back and forth of each other. “Oh my Celestia! Is that a human?” Zany was actually looking at what’s behind of the human.
“Um, I think that’s a rock,” Screwball answered.
“Oh.”
“Hey, what’s that in front of the rock?”
Zany then looked at the human. “Oh my Celestia! Is that a human?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“YES! I did it, I finally did it! Everyone would… Rainbow Dash will be… I’ll be so popular, popular, popular!” Zany started to shed tears of joy. “I’ll be able to join the Royal Guard, and then… then… Well, I’m not sure what’s next.” He then cleared his throat, and starts monologuing. “Human, you will not pass this area! I set traps and puzzles for you, so continue only if you dare!” With a maniacal laugh, he teleported away.
“Did you see how happy he looks? Thanks for doing me this favor.”
“I’m happy to help,” the human replied. As she continued on the snowy trail, she was stopped by a pegasus mare behind a sentry station.
“Huh, who goes there?” she asked as she emerged from her sentry station. Her eyes were pale as if she was blind, her fur was as white as snow as well as her mane, and her cutie mark was a snow flake. Her name tag said Snowdrop. “I can only see moving things, if there’s someone there, please move. I could have sworn I saw somepony move.”
“Relax, I come in peace.”
“So there is someone here. State your business.”
“I’m just trying to get back home.”
“Very well, proceed.”
“Thank you, Snowdrop.” The human then continued on.
On her way, she found a hedgehog wearing Royal Guard armor. His name is Lesser Hedgehog. “Aw, how cute!” She then pet the hedgehog, and it’s neck got slightly longer. The more she pet the hedgehog, the longer his neck got. She then spared the Lesser Hedgehog, and continued on.
Eventually, she ran into Screwball and Zany again. “I can’t believe how lazy you are!” Zany complained. “You were napping all night!”
“Uh, I think that’s called sleeping,” Screwball replied.
“Excuses, excuses!” Zany then noticed the human. “Oh, the human arrives! Human, welcome to the first puzzle, I’m sure you’ll find it… quite shocking… because this is an invisible electricity maze!” He then took out an orb. “Make one false move, and this orb will create energy that will give you a shock! Now proceed.” The human took one step into the maze, but Zany was the one who got electrocuted. “Screwball, what happened?!”
“Uh, I think she’s supposed to hold the orb.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. Hold on, human!” Zany then went through the maze, leaving hoof prints. “Hold this.” He then gave the human the orb, and went back to his previous position. The human then followed the hoof prints that Zany left behind. “Oh, you slippery little snail. The next puzzle won’t be as easy because it was made by my sister, Screwball! Just you wait.” Zany then teleported to the next puzzle.
“See that outfit he’s wearing? He made that for a convention, he called it his battle body. He’s never taken it off since. Man, isn’t my brother cool?”
“His outfit definitely suits him,” the human answered before moving on.
On her quest, the human met so many civilians, and socialized with them. She then showed up to the next puzzle. “Human, I hope you’re ready for…” Zany started before looking confused. “Screwball, where’s the puzzle?!”
“Right there, on the ground,” Screwball answered. “There’s no way she’ll skip this one.”
The human then walked up to the puzzle, it was a crossword puzzle. The human didn’t have a pencil, so she walked up to Screwball and Zany to see if any of them had one. But before she did, Zany let out a complaint. “Screwball, that didn’t do anything!”
“Oops, I knew I should’ve used today’s crossword.”
“Crossword? I can’t believe you just said that! Crossword is too easy! If anything, junior jumble is easily the hardest!”
“You mean that easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy word scramble? C’mon, that’s for really small foals.”
“Unbelievable! I know who will end this debate! Human! Which do you think is harder, crossword or jumble?”
The human thought about it; she thought crossword is harder, but she didn’t want to upset Zany. “Jumble, I guess?” she answered.
“Ah ha! I knew it! Well, now that’s settled, on to the next puzzle!” Zany then teleported to the next puzzle.
“Hey kid,” Screwball started, “it was nice of you to tell my brother that jumble was harder just to make him happy.”
“Well, making someone happy makes me feel good, I guess.” the human said. She then continued on the trail. She eventually found a cone of cotton candy, and a cup of chocolate milk on a table with a note taped to it. The note was from Zany, and it read:
“Dear human, I’ve made some cotton candy and chocolate milk for you, I hope you enjoy. But little do you know, it is a tap! You’ll be enjoying it so much, that you won’t be able to notice that you’re not progressing! Mwu ha ha ha ha!
-Zany”
“Aw, how nice of him!” the human said. She was able to eat the cotton candy, but the chocolate milk was already frozen solid. So, she continued on. Eventually, she found a puzzle, there were tiles in the shape of an X. There was a sign that explains how the puzzle works. It read, “Turn every tile into an O, then press the button,” So, she stepped on the tiles, turning them into O’s, then pressed the button. After that, the spikes that were blocking the way vanished. She then ran into Zany again.
“Human!” Zany said out of shock, “How did you get here so quickly? Also, did you save any for me?”
“Oh hi, Zany! I ate that cotton candy, but I left the chocolate milk behind.”
“You left the chocolate milk… so you could share it with me later? And you seem to like my cotton candy. Don’t worry human, I’ll make you all the cotton candy and chocolate milk you want when I capture you! See you at the next puzzle!” With a smile on his face, Zany teleported to the next puzzle and waited for the human.
“What nice stallion,” the human said. She then started to feel something every time she thought about Zany. “Funny, what’s this feeling I have? Eh, it’ll pass.” She then continued on the path.
When the human got to the next puzzle, she ran into Zany again. Her heart started beating when she saw him. Huh? It’s that feeling again, she thought, What the hell is going on?
“Oh, hello human,” said Zany, “This puzzle is just like the last one except it’s a bit more advanced. I tried to make the pattern look like my face, but the snow froze to the ground before I could rearrange it. Now the puzzle is entirely different. Seems tricky, doesn’t it?”
“Don’t worry, I won’t ask for help.”
“Good. Good luck, Human!”
The human tried out the puzzle, she made a few mess ups, but she didn’t give up. She accidently stepped on a tile that was already a red circle, and it became a green triangle which reminded the human of buttons on a PlayStation controller. After a few tries, she finally completed the puzzle. “I did it, Zany!”
“Wow, and you did it without my help! Impressive! See you at the puzzle!” So, Zany teleported to the next puzzle, and the human continued on still having thinking about Zany.
The human finally realized what those feelings are. “Wait, did I… fall in love with him?” She then started to blush. “I did, I’m in love with Zany! Boy, talk about beastiality.”
The Human eventually arrived at the next puzzle. “Hey! It’s the human!” Zany said, “You’re gonna love this puzzle! It was made by the great Dr. Yoshi! You see these tiles? Once I throw the switch, they will begin to change color! Each color has a different function! Red tiles are impassable, you cannot walk on them! The yellow tiles are electric, they will electrocute you! Green tiles are alarm tiles, if you step on them, you’ll have to fight an enemy! Orange tiles are orange-scented…”
Ah, those were the days, Screwball thought to herself.
“...they will make you smell delicious! Blue tiles are water tiles, swim through if you like, but if you smell like oranges, the piranhas will bite you. Also, if a blue tile is next to a yellow tile, the water will also zap you! Purple tiles are slippery, you will slide to the next tile! However, the slippery soap smells like lemons which piranhas don’t like! Purple and blue are OK! Finally, pink tiles. They don’t do anything, step on them all you like. How’s that? You think you can remember all of that?”
“Yeah, I think I can remember all of that,” the human answered.
“Great! Also, one little reminder: It is completely random! Good luck!” Zany then flipped the switch, and the tiles started flashing random colors. The human looked away to avoid the risk of getting a seizure. As the tiles stopped randomizing, there was one pink trail in between two red rows. Zany then teleported to his next and final puzzle.
The human then walked on the pink trail. “Well, that was easy.” She then walked up to Screwball. “Hey there, Screwball. How are things going?”
“It’s doing fine,” Screwball answered. “Y’know, Zany and I got our love of cotton candy and chocolate milk from our father, Discord. When my dad was little, his parents used to feed him that stuff whenever he was feeling down. Too bad we never got to them, my dad was the last of his species. He’s a draconequus, a creature with a head of a pony, and body parts of all other species. He actually used to be evil until he fell in love with Mom.”
“Aw, that sounds sweet! Well, see you ahead.” The human then continued on. She eventually found a bunch of snowpoffs on the ground. She looked at each one, and found some bits inside one of them. She then looked at one last snowpoff, and a cute hedgehog popped it’s head and tail out of it. “Aw, how cute!” Then the hedgehog emerged from the snowpoff, and was seen wearing big, bulky armor. “OK, less cute.” The human needed to get by, but Greater Hedgehog blocked the way. She thought that he’ll let her through if she played with him. So, she took out the stick she was holding this whole time, and threw it. Greater Hedgehog caught it in his mouth, and brought it back. “Good boy, now catch the snowball!” She threw it, and Greater Hedgehog caught it, and returned it. “That’s a good boy!” She then pet Greater Hedgehog who grown a liking for her. Greater Hedgehog then jumped out of it’s armor, and looked cute again. He then licked the human’s face. He then jumped back into his armor, and walked away. The human was able to get by.
The human was then walking on a wooden bridge. She saw Screwball and Zany on the other side. “Human! This is your final and most dangerous challenge!” said Zany, “Behold! The Gauntlet of Deadly Terror!” A spike ball was hanging, there was a torch under the bridge, two spears were pointed at the human, a canon was aimed towards the human from under the bridge, and worse of all, a hedgehog was tied around it’s body, hanging for it’s life. “When I say the word, it will fully activate! Cannons will fire, spikes will swing, blades will slice! Each part will swing violently up and down! Only the tiniest chance of victory will remain! Are you ready? Because I’m about to do it!”
Nothing happened yet. “Well, what’s the hold up?” Screwball asked.
“Hold up? What hold up? I’m about to activate it right now!”
Still, nothing happened. “Uh, it doesn’t really look activated.”
“Well, it’s just that this challenge seems a bit too easy to catch a human with. My standards are higher than this. My puzzles are supposed to be fair! And my traps are extremely cooked! But this method is too direct! No class at all! Away it goes!” Everything went away. “Phew!” He then noticed the human looking at him. “What are you looking at?! This was a decisive victory for Zany!” With a maniacal laugh, he teleported away.
The human continued crossing the bridge, and talked to Screwball. “My brother said that it’s his dream to join the Royal Guard,” Screwball said, “but I know the real reason. He just wants to impress Princess Twinkle Sparkle, Princess Twilight Sparkle’s daughter, because he loves her! He keeps denying that fact because they hated each other as foals, but I’m pretty sure they’ll get along just fine.” She then winks at the human twice. “Speaking of which, looks like you’re about to fight my brother soon. Go easy on him, OK?”
“OK,” the human replied before continuing.