//------------------------------//
// where I need a heart. 
// Story: a nightmare of a fiasco 
// by CasperSantiq 
//------------------------------//

	There was a tugging sensation from my barrel, about where my heart should have been. Touch, the first thing that came back was touch. I felt a little claw on my barrel approximately two or three inches from the shard of the door had impaled me, the small pool of blood surrounding me cool to the touch. I heard crying from behind me, the mares had probably found me and had begun thinking I had died. Ha. getting knocked unconscious by Nightmare Moon had been fun.
I blinked the sunlight from my eyes, nearly blinding me as I tried to look about. Barb was standing on my barrel, the large piece of wood in her claw. She looked rather perturbed that she had to take care of yet another 'Accident'. Oh joy. I could barely make anything out beyond three or so heads away, the blurry shapes of the rest of the party were around the blue shape of what I assumed to be the princess. 
I have had a few things happen like this in the past you see, I had been dropped by a flying chariot onto a wrought iron fence in the middle of a family pic-nick, had a chef drop a knife off a banister in the middle of a party thrown by some snob nearly decapitate me, and one of the other students thought that I could be drowned. I woke up in the middle of lake Celestia in the middle of the night. that one had been rather entertaining, I had met a serpent that was looking for directions that time. I have yet to find a place on any map anywhere called Albuquerque.
Barb was giving the piece of wood all she had, trying to wiggle and pry it out of my chest cavity. After three or so tries, she noticed my eyes had opened and was giving me a very good imitation of the look my mother gave me when I had destroyed our fence that one time.
"Are you just going to lay there or are you going to get this hunk of wood out of your chest? Those three idiots over there are getting on my last nerve." She crossed her arms.
I smiled and looked around the castle. The sun shone through a few holes in the walls and roof. I heard Solaris fly into the room with a regal flap of his wings. I sat up getting gasps from the mares over by the unconscious form of Luna. "Prince, I have found your sister and have returned her to her former glory, plus I happened to be coerced into performing... several forms of intercourse with her. Grant me this boon as to stay among the living for the remainder of my natural life as to make up for this transgression." With a quick spark of magic, I tore the rest of the piece of wood from my chest, spilling at least a pint of blood and even a few pieces of lung tissue. no sight of any of my heart.
The sounds the group made were almost enough to make me laugh at them. As my eyesight clarified further, I saw a tall white female alicorn in the room over where I Thought Solaris had landed. The surprise must have shone on my face because she smiled at me and shake her head the same way my teacher would. I stood there for a few more seconds, trying to wrap my head around this.
The Alicorn spoke. "Dusk shine, you act like you don't recognize me, surely you at least remember all the time I spent teaching you?" I stood there, wondering if my life had decided that it needed to kick me a few more times while I was metaphorically down. realization dawned across her face, followed quickly by rage and possibly jealousy. "Dusk.. did you just admit to rutting my sister whom had been a virgin before her banishment?"
I quickly cast the self-healing spell and stood back up. With a flick of my horn, I levitated barb over to where I thought would be the safest area around. I cleared my throat. "Yes. We had a good rut right after I arrived and decided to split the group up. Of course, I couldn't possibly have known of your now obvious infatuation with me. If you would turn your attention to your sister, you will notice that I have separated the Nightmare from her without the need of the Elements of Harmony. A very hard thing to do I might add, I had to distract her for at least four hours before finding the source of magic that it had latched onto before severing that tie and then draining it of its magical essence."
Luna looked at me like I had just described how to properly eviscerate a newborn with a rusted serrated spoon. "How could thou say something like that after thou hath taken Our maidenhood? Dost thee mean nothing to thou?!"
I sighed and slowly trotted over to her. "Of course you mean something to me, I'm not entirely sure what, but I was a virgin before I ever met you. So I guess we both had the greatest pre-wedding elopement in pony history. Now getting married would just be a formality." I turned back to 'Celestia' in time to receive a blast of solar plasma strong enough to launch me back to Ponyvill if I were in the correct spot. As it were, I had better luck winning a game of russian roulette with all five bullets ready to go.