//------------------------------// // Hoof In Mouth is Contagious // Story: A Letter and Wild Ride // by dah884 //------------------------------// A rhythmic tapping came from the back somewhere. “A shave and a mane cut two bits…” hummed Pinkie. “But Aloe and Lotus usually charge five…” started Bonbon. Lyra walked up to her friend, lifted a foreleg, and staged whispered, “you know that’s an old melody, right?” Bonbon’s burning blush was her only answer. “I wonder who could be knocking, this time?” Rainbow asked, awkwardly trying to change the subject. “Well it’s coming from the back door,” stated Spike. “I wonder if it’s the new book delivery, though they’re a bit early,” Twilight sighed. “And, I told them they could use the front door.” The dragon assistant having left to answer the door and the ponies having turned to the sound missed Celestia’s eyes widening, Luna and Discord’s smirk, and Pinkie with a cat who caught the canary smile. Then Pinkie coughed and out flew the canary. It seemed mildly irritated and completely confused. The gathered looked at the bird, then Pinkie, then the bird again, before settling on Pinkie. “What they get it!” exclaimed the pink party pony. “Um, Pinkie you know you’re point at a wall, right?” asked Twilight tentatively. “I mean, it’s a nice wall and everything. Not to mention, I don’t think I really noticed that one in particular compared to the other three.” She began rubbing her chin in thought. “Was that a sweat drop?” “Twilight, it’s just a wall” exclaimed Rainbow Dash with exasperation. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, “You’re right.” Under her breath she added, “don’t let Pinkie get to you.” Bonbon turns sharply to Lyra, “did that wall just sigh?” she whispers. “It’s just Pinkie being Pinkie, don’t over think it,” Lyra says in dead seriousness. “Right!” “Does Fluttershy know you’re using her friends for your jokes, again?” Rainbow Dash asked pointedly at Pinkie. “I told her I would use them in improv and she made me Pinkie Promise they wouldn’t get hurt.” “But you had one in your mouth?” questioned Rainbow Dash. “Yes, but besides being slightly confused and disorientated she is no worst for wear, right?” She stared her friend straight in the eye. “No one brakes a Pinkie Promise, NO ONE!” Before Rainbow Dash could respond Spike returned in huff, gasping for air and carrying a letter, “Rainbow… there’s a pony… looking for you, says… this is a matter of life… and death,” he wheezed as he held up the letter. In a prismatic flash the letter was in her feather tips, seal broken, and eyes flying across the page. As Twilight lifted a hoof toward her friend, and before anyone could get a word out Rainbow was off like a shot. With her eyes a flame with rage and determination, she screamed and barreled down the corridors leaving a rainbow streak. Tentatively Twilight lifted the scroll in her magic, and noticed the den-den daiko seal , symbol of the Ponyville dojo and its Sensei’s cutie mark. She quickly scanned its contents. Her face paled. “Student Dash, The possessor of this note is a Dojo Destroyer well beyond your abilities. She has just brutally and mercilessly defeated all of your peers and kohais . And, as such she has decimated the honor of our school. As the last remaining student, she has come for you and (possibly) your little turtle, too. Please avenge the fallen. You Sensei, Wax Pattern” As she finished reading the short note, they all heard a cry of anguish. Followed by cursing that would be the envy of any navy. Luckily Pinkie had covered Spike’s ears, exclaiming she hadn’t had a combo like that in years. In an instant there was a flash, the world bent and twisted in unnatural ways, and the group was standing outside the back door of the castle staring in the open doorway. Pinkie loved teleporting, jumping in and out of the void, blinking out of and into existing was such a rush, but sadly most people ignored it. But, absolutely nothing compared to the way her Nana taught her, it was like riding a sonic rainboom. “I wonder which Dashie will prefer?” she asked no one in particular. No one except Luna heard what she said, because just inside the door was Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty, hero of the realm, and tenth degree black-belt, was splayed on the floor fiercely trying to get leverage as an earth-pony mare effortlessly held her down. “You need to work on defense a bit, young one,” stated the strange mare disappointingly. And then BAM… A few minutes earlier… As the obsidian coated mare deftly lowered her left fore-hoof, she turned to the Dojo’s master. “Did you get all that?” The stallion’s wrinkled muzzle contorted slightly into a smirk, “your observations were truly insightful and I will remember them for my students. Especially the ones lacking consciousness.” The stallion started chuckling. “Sorry about that,” the mare stated as she rubbed the back of her head through her fiery mane. “Some of your students are quite stubborn,” a fond smile gracing her lips. “But, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.” “Quite, it may be what they need to push through to the next level.” “So, you said, your top student isn’t here?” the mare prompted. “Do you know where she is, and if you wouldn’t mind could you write a letter of introduction?” “Would it be safe to say you want her to go all out?” A smile forming on his old face. “That would be appreciated.” A smile taking form on her own lips. “I have just the idea,” his smile took on a wicked tone… A few minutes later, as the mare waited by the back door of the castle… Off in the distance a cry of femininity fury was heard. “Not another angry mare,” she sighed as her crimson hair fell over face… “That was disappointingly short,” the earth-pony said to the pegasus she was holding under-hoof. “You need to work on defense a bit, young one.” BAM! The mare slowly lifted her gaze from the pony she had pinned. As she looked toward the source of the blast that nearly took her head off, she realigned said head so it was in front of the new hole in the wall behind her, and right where it’d been a few seconds earlier. “Twilight Sparkle, I presume?” The predatory smile on her face would have a hydra running for the hills. The next volley of three similar blast was the only reply the obsidian mare received. There was a light-blue glow from her hoof as she tapped the pegasus lightly in the back. She then effortlessly avoided all three blast by mere inches. The strange mare vanishes and something screams at Twilight to put up a shield. Just as the pink bubble of magic finished forming a ripple raced across it surface and cracks splintered out from were the mares hoof impacted it. Stunned by the share force of the strike, Twilight teleported to a different part of the rear entrance room and fired blasts at the pony still supported by her shield from another angle. When the mare disappeared again, Twilight teleport and fired upon her previous location. The earth-pony somehow managed to veer in midair dodging the blast by the minimum amount. The stranger called out, “I know tomboys who are faster and have a stronger punch.” At Rainbow’s triumphant smirk, she added, “I wasn’t talking about you skittles.” Rainbow Dash just snared. While this interplay was going on Twilight tried to get a hit in. “Of coarse, she’d dodge. Why is it never that easy?” Twilight thought as her blast left another hole in her castle. As the fight went on with Twilight teleporting, blasting, or shield, she began to realize this other pony was testing her. Especially, with comments like, “good defense,” or “okay speed,” and other similar ones. Her excitement at taking a test was stunted by the fact that whatever this ‘mare’ did to Rainbow, her friend still hasn’t moved. The scary part was that a few of the times she teleported the mare was right behind her before she even noticed. Almost as if… “No, that’s impossible,” Twilight chanced a quick looked at Luna. “But, she can enter dreams if it were refined…” “Are you reading my mind?” Twilight asked tentatively. “Not your mind but your body.” “Pervert!!!” Twilight shrieked as she blasted a whole wall out of existence. Celestia face-hoofed, Luna shook her head, Discord was grinning like a foal on Hearth Warming, and Pinkie said what they all were thinking. “So will they kiss now?” Twilight’s attacks increased in ferocity, as she exploded in rage and fire. She became focused solely on the destruction of this monster. “Oh, come on! It took me all day to get her to go super saiyan,” exclaimed Pinkie in exasperation. The others just stared at her. “You’re starting to become predictable. That’s the worst thing for a practitioner of ‘Anything Goes,’ very disappointing.” The mare seemed to ignore the spontaneous combustion of her opponent. “Disappointing, disappointing, DISAPPOINTING!” The careless comment seemed to have snapped Twilight out of her rage as her inferno died and she began an internal rant. “I’m predictable, me, you’re the one that’s clearly using the most obvious pattern in the world. See, I blast here, you dodge there, I teleport there, you come at me here.” There was a reverberation off her shield. “If I were to fire there, have it reflect off there, teleport there, then there, and you’ll be blasted from here to the moon and ba…” A devilish smirk almost graced her face before she schooled her features, not wanting to give anything away. She put her plan into action. And as she teleported, knowing her adversary would move into checkmate, she couldn’t help but add a snide remark, “Ha, who’s predicta…” She was interrupted by her face erupting in pain, a moment later her back and wings made the same protest. “Well I would say it’s obvious, but I don’t think you can hear my answer,” the mare stated to the unconscious alicorn. As the new comer was turning to face her audience, a navy blue streak slammed into and knocked her to the ground. “Is it you, is it really you?” The mare looked up as Luna held her tightly as if the being before her would disappear if she let go. As cerulean eyes stared into crystal blue eyes, they pooled with unshed tears and Luna opened her mouth to, “YOUCH!!!” The navy blue alicorn glared death at the eagle claw currently pinching her ear. “Just making sure you weren’t projecting a dream, sis,” said the draconequus as his eagle claw let go and franticly start make gesture of betrayal to its owner. The giggling from below drew the duo’s attention to the mare, who looked at them fondly. “I’m glad you two still get along so well.” A small smile gracing her muzzle. “We do not!” The alicorn and draconequus exclaimed together, then blinked, looked at each other, and joined the mare in laughter as Discord lifted the both of them in a hug. The mare burying her face in Luna’s barrel whispered, “can you ever forgive me?” The alicorn pulled away and looked into the eyes of the mare in her hooves as a smile graced her face, “I thought the situation kind of explained itself.” “There is a difference between loving someone and forgiving them,” said the mare in a small voice. “You’re thinking of a certain panda,” the alicorn tilted her head in curiosity. “It’s has been centuries, millennia even, I’ve forgiven him for everything except the Neko-,” the mare fell silent as the alicorn’s eyes formed into slits, and Discord tightened his grip on reflex. Lower her head the mare continued in an even smaller voice, “I’m sorry…” “Now, now if it wasn’t for that I would never have found out that I could dream-walk,” soothed the alicorn as the mare returned her gaze to her eyes which had regain their usual irises. “It’s unusual for a child to climb into their parents’ bed,” the siblings gave the mare a dubious look, “at least, it’s unusual for the child to do so to help the parent with a nightmare.” The three shared a laugh. Noticing something or more accurately someone missing the mare asks, “where’s your sister?” “Why she’s, um…” Luna began looking as Discord continued to hold the two. “She was with us when we arrived, right?” She asked her brother, who nodded. They turned out the door to the point they had entered. Standing there almost motionlessly, her head down as her flowing locks draped and hid her face was Celestia. Worry crossed the faces of the trio and Discord release the other two. As the mare slowly approached, the alicorn started to speak, her voice low, “why?” Sniff, “why? Why did you abandon me-us?” Her voice was strained as she glared at the mare with tear filled eyes. “Didi needed you, lulu needed you, I needed you,” she screamed as the tears final fell free. “Did I not matter?” as the whispered question came, gone was the age old ruler, gone was the mare forged on the anvil of duty with the hammer of responsibility, and in her place the little filly who only wanted her mother’s approval stood. In an instant the alicorn was impossibly engulfed in hug by the mare. “You, all of you, are and will always matter to me,” the mare answered in a soothing, motherly tone. As her siblings reached to offer their comfort, her question stopped them dead, “then, where were you?” Pinkie froze half-way, in mid-air, between where she had been and Celestia. The mare began chuckling nervously as she rubbed the back of her head, “I kinda made a small mistake.” The incredulity from the half lidded stares from the siblings was thick enough to cut with a knife. Which is why, Pinkie was spreading it on a piece of toast. She offered a slice to Discord. “Well,” the mare hastily continued. “I forgot that Happi needed a bit of um… luck to escape,” she finished sheepishly. The resulting face-hoof was heard throughout Ponyville. Lyra, Bonbon, and Spike looked on confused and Spike asked, “so what’s the big deal?” “Luck and her,” Luna began while pointing at the mare, “are like oil and water?” “More like Napalm and water,” corrected Discord. “And the rest of us are all juggling torches.” “The problem,” the mare said clearing her throat, “is that he escaped by an earthquake clearing the cave, after a bolt of lightening struck and destroyed the seal.” She started laughing nervously, again. “And, what is the chance of a random bolt of lightening with pegasi controlling the weather, or an earthquake with the mere presence of earth ponies stabilizing the ground beneath their hooves?” She sighed. “No, I had to get out on my own, took me nearly thirty years. By that time, you had already taken over and I’d been dead for over a decade.” A proud smile graced her muzzle. “I decided to go on a little vacation, go adventuring, take in the sights, and show those young warriors a thing or two. I figured two centuries would be long enough for you to come into your own, then I’d come back, apologies, and we’d have a huge celebration.” Her face fell and her entire demeanor deflated. “While I was dealing with this cult of sun stealing minotaurs, who found the location of the sword of Amaterasu, the sun and moon started dancing erratically in the sky. Me and my party, a zebra who only talked in puns, and this archeologist/teacher pegasus with a serious fear of snakes, I think one of her grand kids writes books or something, were a few months out from Equestria when the sun and moon started doing the tango in the sky.” She looked at Discord with unspeakable sorrow, “by the time we returned I had already failed you.” She set that gaze upon Celestia and Luna, “and, I couldn’t face either of you anymore.” This time all three siblings tackled the mare in huge hug, with Pinkie belly-flopping on top, no one tried to explain where the splash came from. “Wait, wait, wait!” exclaimed Spike. “Back it up a bit, sun stealing minotaurs, why would they try stealing the sun?” “Most minotaurs are a bit pigheaded, a trait they get from Akari instead of Ryoga, which funny because…,” she trailed off realizing she was getting off topic. “Anyways they thought these three,” she indicated the immortals, “had offed me to seize power, and completely underestimated Jun here,” she singled out Discord. “With him being the only Draconequus, they thought him to be powerful in title alone,” a smirk crossed her muzzle, one shared by the ones in the know. “So they tried to create a rift between Kin and Gen hoping they’d kill each other or at least weaken the other. Leaving only Jun, who they could take out ‘easily.’” “Um, so why did you attack the princess?” asked Lyra nervously. “Wait, she’s a princess?” the mare said pointing a hoof at Rainbow Dash. Rainbow’s pupils shrunk to pinpricks as she saw one of her worst frou-frou nightmares become reality. “I think Lyra meant, that one,” Spike pointed out as he indicated the unconscious alicorn. The three siblings silence went unnoticed. “Well, I didn’t really attack Blasty there,” clarified the mare. “But…” Spike began to protest. “Okay I attack her shields, but those were probing attacks,” stated the mare. “But, she’s unconscious, and bang up, and a little singed,” Spike defended. “All her own doing, mostly,” the mare chuckled nervously. “I led her into a trap using the most obvious pattern, without being overtly obvious. Then, when she entered the last stage of her final a attack I nudged her teleport a little.” “How’d you do that?” Spike, Lyra, and Bonbon asked at the same time. “I used my ki to create chi harmonics which affect her inner ears, throwing off her spatial awareness.” The mare explained as her audiences’ jaws dropped. “The trick is figuring out how to realign it.” “But what was this all about, you said it was a matter of life and death?” Spike demanded. “Martial Arts is always a matter of life and death,” state the mare solemnly. “That letter I had you deliver was a letter of introduction. With her sensei’s permission I was gonna test her skills in a spar. But she was a bit too emotional to concentrate.” “Ugh! I should have known,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she dragged her hoofs over her face. “Hey, I can move, again!” “Yeah, that technique I used on you was kinda of a ki hogtie,” the mare looked sheepish. “The more you struggled the tighter it held you,” she explained. “It’s actually really good for testing a student’s control over their body and use of ki.” “What? Why?” asked a confused but curious Rainbow. “Because, with ki and body control it can be easily overcome,” stated Pinkie, Celestia, Luna, and Discord together. “Hey that’s my line!” the mare’s exclamation only enticed a smile from the four. “Speaking of which, your student is kind of lacking in the Marital skills,” Celestia eyes shrunk to pinpricks. Celestia cleared her throat, “well you see,” she coughed into her fore-hoof. “The thing is,” Celestia pulled on her regalia, “is it hot in here?” “Celestia.” Celestia gulped, when she uses that name it doesn’t bode well. “It’s not as bad as it seems,” Celestia was sweating bullets. “Enlighten me!” “She is a studious, and energetic student.” Celestia stated with some confidence. “It’s just that I hadn’t given her any lessons in the Defensive Arts.” “Come again?” The mare’s eyes narrowed. “I have taught her in magic, friendship, and life in general which resulted in her ascension,” Celestia’s voice lased with pride. “So,” the ice chill of the mare’s voice sending a shiver down everyone’s spines. “Let me get this straight,” everyone gulped. “You sent an untrained, unprepared, and practically defenseless student and her six intrepid friends against not one, but at least two masters of ‘Anything Goes’?” she growled. “Hey,” defended Rainbow Dash. “Um, six?” asked Bonbon. The mare pointed at Spike without breaking her glare at Celestia. “Why’s that bad?” Spike asked. “We won, didn’t we?” “Because, if her siblings hadn’t been playing with you lot, you’d be resting in your final plots.” “Hey!” was Rainbow’s defiant exclamation, as Spike and Pinkie paled a little. A sweat drop forming on Celestia’s brow. “Don’t give me that. Two kami class beings, both of which recognize you as threats, don’t immediately vaporize you on sight?” the mare’s focus hardening on the profusely sweating Celestia. “They both love attention,” the two in question blushed, “and nothing brings more attention than the heroes plight against the villain. As the old saying goes ‘a hero’s a hero, but everyone loves a great villain’.” Everyone else turned to Celestia their eyes’ begging her to tell them the mare was wrong. Her silence not boding well. The fallowing rant would be spoken of in whispers by drill sergeants for centuries to come. Those present were in awe at the heated ferocity behind the words, as the cold calm in which they were delivered froze them to the spot. Almost everyone one was in awe. As a certain purple mare was coming out of a self induced coma, her addled mind noticing the storm, at the eye of which her mentor was being torn apart by that monster. She would not stand for this. “What the hay is going on here?” Demanded Twilight. “Um…, Twilight,” Lyra began. Twilight ignored. “First you barge into my home,” Twilight accused. “Actually, I invited her in after she gave me the letter,” Spike stated. Twilight ignored. “Then you attacked my friend,” Twilight accused. “That was kinda my sensei’s fault and I threw the first punch,” Rainbow admitted. Twilight ignored. “Now you’re disrespecting the princess,” Twilight accused. “This is a misunderstanding and I deserve what has been said,” Celestia announced. Twilight ignored. “Who in Tartarus do you think you are?” Twilight demanded. “She’s my Nana,” declared Pinkie.