//------------------------------// // Chapter 8 - Slice of Life // Story: Lessons From Ponyville Elementary // by Blade Star //------------------------------// It isn’t too often that I get invited to important events. The gala was certainly the first high society function I’d attended. But more common ceremonies also tend to fall outside my purview. Weddings for example. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of weddings I’ve attended, including my own. I suppose it’s due to the baby boomer gap that in my family, most of my time in a church was due to the sad matter of a relative crossing through the river Jordan. For me, it is a bit sad, going to more funerals than wedding or christenings. Our extended family has gotten smaller over the years, with most of my cousins passing away, as well as both mine and Roger’s parents. So, you can imagine how nice it was when I found myself invited to a wedding here in Ponyville. I’d just finished up another load of ironing for the week and was almost done folding everything up to be put away, when there was a knock at the door. It was lucky I wasn’t working at school today (I was marking homework here; working from home is a bit easier if you ask me), or I might have missed it. Opening up the front door, I found Derpy Hooves waiting outside. The grey coated, blond maned, and lazy-eyed pegasus is the local mailmare for Ponyville, working with the Equestrian Post Office. She deliverers the morning mail, parcels and helps run the little post office and adjacent telegraph station. She’s also Dinky’s mum. Dinky being the brightest pony in my class by miles. Well, half pony actually. But that’s another story. Derpy had her EPO saddlebags on, and had quite a lot of letters to deliver by the looks of it. “Morning, Derpy,” I greeted. “What brings you this way?” Usually, mail was delivered in the typical way, put in the mailbox with the little flag raised. So what had caused Derpy to come knocking on my front door? Reaching into her saddlebags, the mare carefully pulled out a letter with her mouth, before passing it to me in her hooves. “Special delivery for you, Margaret,” she replied brightly. “Matilda insisted that I deliver them personally to everypony in town.” “Matilda?” I asked. Matilda was an elderly donkey that lived in Ponyville. She was in a small cottage on the edge of town, not too far from the only jack in town, Cranky. I didn’t know her too well, but we were friendly enough. Opening up the letter, I read the invitation within. “Matilda and Cranky are getting married,” I said happily. The ornate little invite asked for the attendance of myself and Roger at town hall next Friday to witness the marriage of the pair. “Thanks for this, Derpy,” I said, folding the invitation up again and replacing it in the envelope. “That’s really brightened my day. So I guess the rest of your deliveries today are all the other invitation. Derpy nodded. “Yep,” she replied, sounding excited. “There’s one for everypony in Ponyville, and a load more for ponies all over Equestria. Even the princesses are getting invites.” My eyebrows went up. “Wow, sounds like it’s going to be a pretty big affair. Might even put Shining’s and Cadance’s wedding to shame.” “Well, as long as the changelings don’t try and steal anypony’s love, I think we’ll be fine,” Derpy joked. That made me laugh. “Very true, Derpy. Alright, I’ll let you get on your way. Take care now.” The pegasus waved goodbye and headed back down the street before somewhat unsteadily heading off into the sky. What with her lazy eye, she isn’t exactly the most capable flyer. Still, I’ve never had any parcel arrive damaged, and she’s never lost anything, and she’s never tried to interfere with the mail, so she’d a damn sigh better than the old Royal Mail back home. Heading back down the hall, I walked into the kitchen and pinned the invitation for the wedding on the little board we have on the far wall. I then took the calendar off the back of the kitchen door. Double checking the date, I quickly found the day the wedding was to be held. It was going to be a Friday, a little odd if you ask me. I would have thought that a Saturday or Sunday would be better. But hey, not my day, so not my call. Maybe there’s bad weather scheduled on Saturday or something? Grabbing a pencil, I jotted down a little note on the calendar that read ‘Cranky + Matilda’s Wedding @ Town Hall’. Placing the calendar back on its little hook on the kitchen door, I turned my attention back to laundry. I’d need to think about picking something out to wear soon. My gala outfit would be a bit overstated, but I was sure there was something suitable for me. A few of my clothes came through that rift when it opened the second time. I ought to check and see if I had any of my church clothes. A few hours later, Roger came home from work. I was upstairs, still trying to choose what to wear when I heard the door bang shut. He really needs to stop doing that, or he’ll knacker the deadbolt. “I’m home!” I heard him call out. I turned and walked to the bedroom door. “I’m upstairs!” I called back down to him. Usually, this followed with him coming upstairs to talk. I asked him how his day was, he did the same, and we both chatted, this time though, things were a little out of routine. “Could you come down here a minute?” he asked. “There’s something you need to see.” I paused where I was a moment. What could be the matter? Curious, I headed downstairs. Walking into the kitchen, I found Roger standing there in his usual work suit. But much to my surprise, standing next to him with its tail wagging and its tongue lolling out of its mouth, was a fairly large dog. The dog looked to be something of a mongrel, with an Alsatian coat, but a little undersized for a pure bred. It seemed to have a bit of Collie in it as well. It seemed friendly enough though, barking in a friendly way as I walked in. “Where’d did you find this fella then?” I asked excitedly, going over to the excitable canine and making a fuss of him. We’d been talking about getting a dog for a while. With both the kids having moved out, the house can get pretty quiet at times, particularly when it’s just me at home. And even with Roger about, at times, the place can feel a bit empty. It happens to all parents, I guess. One day, all the babies have flown the nest. A dog, while not a replacement for children, can be a great companion. They are supposed to be man’s best friend after all. Still, I hadn’t realised that Roger had actually gone out and bought one. “This is Charlie,” Roger explained. “I…er…met him in Canterlot and thought he could stay with us.” I was too busy making a fuss of the big guy to pay much attention. “Well of course he can stay with us. He’s adorable!” I exclaimed. Roger cleared his throat in an effort to get my attention. “Well, before you make your decision, there’s something you ought to know.” He was about to go on when it happened. I later learned that the love I was probably radiating at that moment triggered it. Charlie seemed to be overcome by a fit of some sort, whining irritably, his teeth gnashing and his body tensing up. I stepped back just as the magic he was using deactivated. Green flames seemed to wash over his form and a moment later, I found myself face to face, with a changeling. I’m fairly certain I screamed at that point. Understandable, since the newly unmasked changeling was now hissing like an angry cat and its snake like tongue was out, along with its sharp fangs. All in all, a rather scary prospect. I quickly did what I could to protect myself from the perceived threat. Running over to the kitchen sink, I grabbed a frying pan from the rack and landed a blow squarely on top of the beastie’s head. The changeling didn’t seem to like that, for it hissed at me again. I was about to land a second blow, and possibly knock it out, when I found my pan wielding hand seized by another hand. Turning, I saw Roger holding me back, and stopping me from striking the changeling. “It’s alright, it’s alright,” he reassured me, doing his best to calm me down. “He’s a friend.” “A friend?” I exclaimed. “That’s a sodding changeling, and it’s trying to eat me!” I shouted back. I tried to wrestle free of his grip. Roger then turned to the changeling. “Charlie, stop it!” he barked. I didn’t expect him to have much effect. But to my surprise, the changeling actually did stop, it even whined a little, splaying its ears back. For a few moments we all stood still, before I finally set the pan down. Roger relaxed too, while the changeling continued to cower. “Now, I’m sorry about that,” Roger began, more calmly. “I didn’t intend for you to find out like that. But Charlie here is a changeling. He’s a friendly one though, like Strong Shield. He was caught on his own trying to find a food source. He’s not a spy, or an assassin, he’s just hungry. I talked with Celestia and suggested the idea that we look after him. But to keep him safe, I asked him to disguise himself as a dog. I figured that he could pretend to be our pet in order to feed himself.” “I’ve seen what those things do. Look what happened to Shining Armor,” I replied. “I’m not having a creature that can suck all the love out of me under my roof.” Roger shook his head again. “He won’t do that. A drone like Charlie doesn’t even need that much. I let him feed off me earlier; all that happens is you have a slight headache for a minute. And he’s not going to hurt us. He does what I ask him, because he sees me as a friend. Watch.” He then turned to the changeling, which was now nursing the spot on its head where I’d hit it. “Charlie, turn back to a dog for me.” The changeling looked up for a moment. It then activated its magic. Green fire again washed over it, receding a moment later, leaving the same dog I’d seen before. “See, he doesn’t mean any harm,” Roger explained. “We can easily look after him, and who knows, maybe it will convince other changelings to do the same; become symbiont with ponies rather than predators.” I turned to look at the ‘dog’, which had evidently listened to our conversation, and was giving me its best puppy dog eyes. It had scared me when I saw it. But it hadn’t done anything threatening until I’d hit it. And I suppose, if someone hit me over the head with a frying pan, I’d be pretty miffed too. And even as a changeling, the poor thing had looked very sad cowering on our kitchen floor like that. And Roger had shown that it listened to him. Plus, my son would probably point out that if Charlie had meant to do us harm, it had had plenty of opportunities to do so already, and it hadn’t. “Alright,” I said at length. “He can stay for a while.” After a week, a while became a permanent residence. We had ourselves a new dog. They do say be careful what you wish for. The day of the wedding was soon upon us. I was getting dressed in the bedroom when I heard Roger call up. “Wow, looks like a bugbear’s wandered into town,” he declared, sounding a little surprised. Bugbears were, by all accounts, nasty things. I remember having to do a lesson on the various fauna of Equestria at the school, and bugbears came up. They were predatory creatures, resembling a large panda, yet they had insect like wings, allowing them to fly, and a stinger that could do serious damage to anypony it touched. All in all then, best to stay out of their way. “Well, as long as it isn’t another pack of timberwolves and it isn’t coming this way, I don’t mind,” I replied. Timberwolves were just as nasty, and like bugbears, their name is quite literal; wolves made of wood. Bones and Applejack had been in something of a small war with them the last few months. A pack had been coming awfully close to the farmhouse and the sheep pens. The trouble is that you can’t really kill them. If you hit them, they break apart, but after a minute or so, the innate magic in them reforms them. As I finished putting on my lipstick, I heard the doorbell go. Charlie quickly began barking. He’d been pacing around all morning since the bugbear turned up. Glancing out of the window, I saw that Twilight and her friends were all after it. Twilight and Rarity were blasting it with magic, Applejack was trying to hogtie it with her lasso, Pinkie Pie was hurling pies at it, Rainbow was shooting around the thing at terrific speed, and Fluttershy was giving the beast her infamous stare. I wondered who it was that braved the current monster attack. Though, if you live here long enough, you get used to it, I didn’t even notice the damn thing until I went to get the mail. “I’ll get it,” Roger called out. I heard him heading downstairs. While he dealt with our visitor, I turned my attention back to the girls. They seemed to be winning so far. I just hoped that they’d have everything wrapped up before the ceremony. I checked the clock on the bedside table. The wedding wasn’t for half an hour. As a rule, Twilight and her friends had these problems wrapped up in twenty minutes tops, so we ought to be fine. I’m sure Matilda and Cranky didn’t want their day spoiled by that mutant. A few moments later, I heard Roger close the front door again. “Who was that?” I asked. “Time Turner. He needs his suit fixing, wanted to see if I could put him in touch with Elusive or lend him something. If you ask me he’s left it a bit late.” I threw on my cardigan. “I’m sure he’ll figure something out,” I replied. Roger was ready to go, dressed in his work suit with a few extra touches on it. “Ready to go?” he asked. I’d been ready for a while. I was waiting on him to get his arse in gear. We were going miss the start of the ceremony if we didn’t hurry. “Yes, yes, I’m ready,” I replied, adjusting my cardigan a bit. “Come on, let’s get a move on!” We quickly headed downstairs, grabbing our wedding present for Matilda and Cranky, and hurried out the door. Unfortunately, much to my annoyance, I forgot to pick up my handbag on the way out, so we had to briefly turn around and head back. After that minor setback though, we were off, heading for Town Hall and the first wedding I’ve ever attended in Equestria. We skirted around a few streets in order to give the still ongoing battle between pony and bugbear a wide berth. We wound our way around past Carousel Boutique, then past Milano’s small abode, and then turned toward the middle of town, walking past the gaudy mansion that Filthy Rich's father had had built when his Barnyard Bargains chain first boomed. The iron gates around the latter, whilst imposing, would do little to hold back a bugbear though. As we continued our journey, my husband occasionally complaining about the heavy wedding present he had to carry, I picked up the easily recognisable whooshing sound of pegasi in flight. Looking up, and squinting a little against the mid-morning sun, I picked out a lone pegasus busting up a few clouds around town. The dark blue colour of her coat and her brunette mane quickly told me that it was my own daughter that was systematically annihilating the local cloud population. Roger spotted her too, and cupping one hand against the side of his mouth, he called up to her. “Hey there, Lizzie!” he bellowed, catching her attention. She paused for a moment. Jumping on top of one of the clouds she was about to kick into fine mist, she peered down at the pair of us. A moment later, she leapt down off the cloud and, opening her wings, let herself glide down towards us. As she drew nearer to the ground, she began to flap her wings in a steady rhythm, arresting her descent. She finally stopped, hovering about five or six feet off the ground. “Hi Dad, hi Mum,” she replied, continuing to hover. How she did so I have no idea. Aerodynamically, pegasi shouldn’t be able to even glide, never mind hover like a harrier. “You two heading off to the wedding?” “Yeah, we thought we’d get an early start in case of that bugbear thing,” I replied. “What about you, keeping the sky clear for the big day?” Lizzie nodded and gestured to the almost perfectly clear skies. “It was supposed to be a few of us. But Dash is helping Twilight and the others, Cloud Kicker’s kid is sick, and Thunderlane…actually I think he’s just hung over.” She chuckled at that last part. It was probably true too, from what Rumble tells me, his older brother does have quite the liking for the demon drink. Though he can’t hold his liquor to save his life. “Don’t worry though. I’ll manage,” Lizzie went on. “I’ll see you and your pet idiot at the wedding though, right?” I chuckled at that. “Don’t call your brother that, sweetie,” Roger said pleadingly. Lizzie merely grinned. She’s always had issues with her older brother. Probably something to do with the fact that he first ignored her, and then teased and tormented her for about eight years straight. With that, she flapped her wings a little harder, gained some altitude, and the rocketed off back into the sky. Continuing along the road, we soon came upon the odd mix and match house that was the home of two of Ponyville’s most famous musicians; Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch. Octavia, a gifted cellist has quite a following on the classical music circuit, playing concerts in several of the major cities, including Canterlot, where she has on several occasions played privately for Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. With his position, and healthy income, Roger has been able to take me to a couple of those concerts, both large orchestral performances, as well as some of Octavia’s solo concerts. She is certainly a gifted player, though how she manages to hold the bow, never mind depress the strings with just her hooves is beyond me. After all, a cello is designed for a player that is bipedal a far cry from the earth pony virtuoso. Still, as I said, she’s an excellent player, and somewhat close friends with Roger too; I’d seen the pair talking toward the end of the Grand Galloping Gala. As for Vinyl Scratch, or DJ Pon-3 as she calls herself on stage, I don’t particularly care for her style of music. I won’t knock it, for she enjoys just as many bookings all over Equestria as Octavia does, but dear God it’s a racket. Still, my dad said the same thing about my music tastes when I was younger. I know for a fact Lizzie likes it; she and a few friends from the Weather Patrol went out to a nightclub up in Canterlot not too long ago for her birthday party, and she seemed to have a good time. As we walked past the house, I could hear both ponies within, practicing their craft. Octavia was playing her cello, while Vinyl was splicing together goodness knows how many other tracks on her turntable. Strangely, as they continued, the two styles seemed to mesh together, forming a unique style of their own. And, if I do say so myself, I rather liked it. It certainly made sense that the pair had been asked to play for the wedding and the reception afterwards. Before long though, we had arrived at Town Hall, which was now lavishly decorated for the occasion. Carnival style bunting hung all over the outside, and as we walked in, was still being hung front the rafters inside. Everything was nearly ready for the big event. I even spotted Bon Bon abseiling out the window, presumably to put some finishing touches on the work outside. Although, why she had those dark glasses on I have no idea. In the centre of the hall was the main stage, where Mayor Mare; the local JP would be marrying Cranky and Matilda. Most of the rest of the hall was taken up by rows upon rows of seats for all the guests. A little off to the side though, was a rather odd looking contraption; a glass tank some eight feet high, filled with strange glowing objects. The somewhat steampunk design told me that this had to belong to Time Turner, and I decided that these had to be those new flameless fireworks he’d been working on. Ah, yes, I haven’t told you about that, have I? Time Turner is the only creature in Ponyville, aside from ourselves, Charlie, and Spike that is not a pony. Well, technically he is a pony; he looks like a pony after all. But a quick medical examination will flag up an extra heart, a binary vascular system, and an exceptional resistance to extreme temperatures. Time Turner was actually a Timelord, the Timelord to be precise. I guess the world of My Little Pony wasn’t the only one that turned out to be real. He’d found himself here a few years ago, lost his proverbial magic box and been stranded ever since. He and I first crossed paths over Dinky. As I said before, the little unicorn filly is smart for her age; too smart. She’s actually only half pony; the result of a union between Time Turner and Derpy. The filly has an IQ similar to him, as well as some of his physiological properties, but lacks the capacity to regenerate. With no time machine to call on, and a group already available to tackle world-ending threats, he’s settled down into something of a retirement, mending clocks at his shop in Ponyville. But he also continues to dabble in the sciences, greatly relishing the study of magic and invents things at a rate comparable with Caractacus Potts. I was introduced to his latest creation a couple of weeks ago, when I went to his shop to get the clock in our hallway mended. I entered Time Turner’s little shop just as two o’clock struck. The small shop was suddenly filled with a cacophony of noise, as all the clocks in the building all began to chime, gong, and coo-coo at the same moment. Luckily, after a few moments, everything returned to quiet. Well, quiet as in the constant ticking of some fifty clocks. Walking up to the counter, I found it unattended. “Time Turner?” I called out, looking into the doorway which led to the rear portion of the shop. “Are you in here?” As I spoke I heard a sudden loud clatter followed by a short series of small bangs. A moment later, both the stallion in question, and a large amount of smoke came out into the shop front. He coughed slightly, the smoke coming out in a variety of odd colours. Shaking himself, he trotted over to the counter. “Are, hello there, Margaret,” he greeted. “Sorry about all that. Just trying to get a little something worked out.” “Oh, another secret project?” I enquired. Derpy had already warned him about those. The silly bugger still didn’t have his eyebrows back from his last project. The chestnut earth pony shrugged. “Eh, something like that. I’m working on fireworks at the moment.” An instinct in me told me to run like hell. “They’re flameless though,” he went on. “Something you can let off indoors say, or at least not have to worry about anypony getting hurt when they go off. I just can’t get the triggering mechanism to work. And as you can see, they don’t like being forced to go off.” He gestured to himself. His coat was now a set of multicolour blotches, and he was still coughing up rainbow coloured smoke. “Anyway,” he said, after a brief pause. “Back to the reason for your business. Something up with this little number?” He took a look at the small wall clock I’d brought with me. “Yes,” I replied, nodding. “The thing keeps losing time; about five minutes every hour. Roger was almost late for work yesterday, so I figured it couldn’t hurt for you to take a look at it.” “Fair enough,” Time Turner agreed, picking up the clock with his front hooves. “Give me a couple days and then call back. I think I’ve got a good idea what’s causing your little problem.” “Thanks, Doc,” I replied. He then carried the contraption into the back of the shop, where he has his little workshop/mad scientist laboratory. Making our way inside, we first stopped by the large table to drop off our wedding present. Standing there, who do I see but both the princesses. The two royal sisters seemed to be in the midst of something of a spat. From what I picked up as we passed by, Celestia had forgotten to bring the wedding present with her, had tried to blame Luna, who’d protested her innocence, and was now worried about being caught out. Passing them, and having deposited our little gift, Roger, Charlie, and I went to take our seats. We found one row comparatively empty and settled ourselves down there. Ahead of us sat Princess Cadence and Shining Armor, the latter of whom was weeping like a foal. Cadence turned to us, an apologetic look on her face. “Sorry, Shining always cries at weddings,” she explained. Shining Armor continued to bawl without restraint. “Why couldn’t my wedding be like this!” the typically gallant captain exclaimed. Though to be fair, his wedding, and about a week leading up to it, was hijacked by an evil demon and an army of emotion stealing monsters. I turned to look at Charlie; present company excepted, of course. As the usually calm stallion continued to cry, there was an almighty crash. Through the doors came…well, half the town actually, flying along on Vinyl’s turntable set. The bride and groom suddenly found themselves at the altar, the musicians in place, and virtually all the guests. Time Turner also appeared, still without his suit, but wearing a very long and well suited scarf that trailed along behind him. He settled himself down behind us, though he was still worried about getting his flameless fireworks going. Lizzie and Blade Star also joined us. Applejack and Fluttershy were still both busy fighting that bugbear, so they’d decided to sit with us. As the pair walked up though, my son stopped where he was and glared at the seat behind me, where we had left Charlie. “What the sam hell is that thing doing here?!” he exclaimed. “Can’t you varmints let one wedding go through without messin’ things up?” Both Roger and I turned around, the problem was quite obvious. Charlie was now no longer in his disguise. To anypony who cared to look, there was a changeling sitting in his place, happily feeding off the love coming from everypony nearby. Roger quickly stepped in. “No, Charlie! Back as a dog! Back as a dog!” he shouted, waving his arms frantically. Luckily, Charlie seemed to realise his mistake, and a moment later, the green magic of his species washed over him again. When it receded, he was back to his usual disguise of a dog. The sudden appearance of a changeling, and at a wedding too, put my son on edge. And it took quite a bit of explaining to assure him that Ponyville was not under threat of a changeling army. Lizzie too was quite spooked. Even friendly changeling can look quite scary; the blue, staring eyes, the sharp fangs, and that serpentine tongue; they really are like the stuff of nightmares at times. Still, eventually they were both satisfied that the solitary drone meant no harm. Lizzie even seemed to take to him in his canine disguise. Bones remained somewhat standoffish. A few moments later, Derpy trotted in and closed the door behind her, allowing the ceremony to begin. Mayor Mare gave a wonderful little speech on how everypony had come together for the special occasion. That was certainly true; ponies had come from far and wide, and from all walks of life to make this wedding possible. For goodness sake, the best man was a huge sea serpent, with a mustache. With no objections to the union, and both parties agreeing to the usual vows, Cranky and Matilda were married jack and jenny, with everypony cheering in celebration. There was only one thing amiss; I hadn’t seen Twilight and her friends. It seemed odd that they should miss such a happy event. They were probably just finishing typing up that bugbear or something. But hey, what can you do? That’s just a normal day in Ponyville. You live here long enough, you’ll get used to it.