The majority of my family, myself included, live a pretty normal existence. Well, as normal as possible in a land of talking ponies. I’m just a schoolteacher in a small town, my son is an apple farmer, and my daughter is a member of the local weather patrol. My husband though, moves in somewhat more important circles.
When we first arrived here, the four of us were taken by Twilight Sparkle up to Canterlot to meet with the princesses. We stayed there I think, a night or so, sleeping in the castle. While we were there, we were given the rare opportunity to dine with royalty, and talk in a less formal setting. And, of course, we had free reign over most of the castle too.
Back in our old lives, my husband was a respected solicitor; he had his own firm as well, and had gone back to school to work on his doctorate. Celestia, and my son, had told us about how each of the princesses held their own courts when they were on the throne. I don’t quite get how it’s all supposed to work; the workload the two alicorns face must be massive to the point of being impossible, but apparently, they act as a sort of court of appeals. Any major issue can be brought before the court and be heard by the princess.
Since there was little else to do at the time, Roger asked if he could perhaps sit in on a session or two, which Princess Celestia readily agreed to. He’d also begun raiding the nearby archives and comparing their legal system with ours.
Anyway, after it became apparent that we were stuck here for the time being, Roger quickly began to think about finding a new job. Princess Celestia gave us a stipend to help us get on our feet, but neither my husband nor I fancied living the rest of our lives on this world’s version of the dole. He was considering starting up a firm here or in Canterlot initially. However, having apparently watched him during her court session, and being suitably impressed, the princess offered him a job as one of her advisors.
Essentially, he acts as an aide to Celestia when it comes to the nitty gritty aspects of the law and Equestria’s legal system. He covers trials, appeals, disputes, and any other legal matter, assisting the princess during court. He’s been at it now for the better part of a year and has settled in quite well in Canterlot Castle. He commutes every day by train up the mountain and comes home in the late evening.
It was certainly a step up from his old job. I quickly had to adapt to his more serious work, which could keep him away from home at times. Still, he was hardly in any danger. Okay, sure, the odd villain he sent down promised he’d get him, but so did clients back on Earth that didn’t get let off.
However, I suddenly found that he had taken on a couple new duties. Suffice it say, there was no way we were going to get insurance now.
It was about half past five on a Monday. I was in the living room, with the ironing board set up in front of me, finishing up with the washing. I’d turned on the little movie projector we have to watch a film while I worked. Outside, the ground was still sodden; the result of some mishap involving Cloudsdale’s weather factory. And if the rumours around town are to be believed, Rainbow Dash had something to do with it. The snow had been cleared away a few days before. I was just about done when I heard the front door open and close.
“I’m back!” Roger’s voice called from out in the hall.
Setting the iron down on its stand, I walked out into the hallway myself. He was back a little later than usual; probably a busy day at the office. I found him standing at the front door, his suit somewhat wrinkled and a briefcase in his one hand. He looked tired and worn out.
“Busy day?” I asked as I walked up and gave him a peck on the cheek.
“Sort of,” he replied. “Celestia’s asked me to taken on a bit extra workload for a while.” That piqued my interest. Had he gotten a promotion or something?
“Oh, so what are you doing now then?” I asked.
At my question, he became a bit uncertain. His free hand went up and scratched at the back of his head, and he gritted his teeth a little, not making eye contact. Whatever, it was, he was worried that I wouldn’t take this well.
He was right too.
“Well, Celestia wants somepony to act as a sort of security guard you see.” Well, that didn’t sound so bad. “Someone needs to keep an eye on all the prisoners in Tartarus.”
I’m fairly certain my mind misfired at that point.
Tartarus was a sort of magical prison complex; a place where all the really dangerous lunatics live. That evil bugger Tirek had been sent back there not so long ago. Not a day I care to remember all that much. Every single thing down there is bloody dangerous. For goodness sake, the place is guarded by this giant three headed dog! And my husband was supposed to be wandering around it now? I didn’t take things well.
“She wants you to what?!” I exclaimed in shock. Roger instantly went for damage control.
“Now, dear, I know it’s a bit of a shock…” he tried, but I cut him off.
“It’s more than a blooming shock. It’s bonkers! What about all those monsters down there. For Christ’s sake, Tirek’s down there!”
To be fair, my husband had tried to take a swing at the looney centaur six months ago. He’d got thrown against the wall of the house for his trouble too.
“Yes, and they’re all locked up, chained down, and behind bars.” he replied, trying to placate me.
“Why does she want you to do it anyway? How are you even supposed to protect yourself from everything down there?” Roger set his briefcase down on the side table and led me into the living room.
“She already asked Discord to do it, but he refused to. You know how he feels about Tirek.”
I don’t usually get on well with my husband’s best friend; a certifiably insane serpentine chaos god, but I do agree with him on the subject of Tirek. I swear…if I ever…ever see that vicious sonofabitch again…I’ll rip those horns off his head with my bare hands!
“So what, you’re the backup man are you?” I asked incredulously. “What about that massive dog thing that guards the place?” At this point, Roger started to get a bit sick of arguing.
“He wanders off sometimes. That’s how Tirek got out in the first place!” he shot back.
“Oh, and you’re in a perfect position to stop him aren’t you,” I replied.
“Actually I am,” he countered, raising his voice a little more. “No magic means he can’t hurt me in his current state. And most of the other creatures down there won’t be able to bother me either.”
“Most?” I parroted. Roger sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Look, it’ll be perfectly safe, alright? I’ve already agreed to it.”
“Oh wonderful,” I cheered back. “Glad to see we’re still doing things as a couple!”
At that point, he evidently got sick and tired of arguing with me. He was ultimately right, the whole time he was there he never had any real trouble from the inmates. And he always did have both Celestia and Cerberus on hand if he needed help. Still, at that moment, I wasn’t so sure. It does sound rather dangerous after all, going to Equestria’s version of hell. Getting up, Roger decided to try and calm things down.
“Alright, listen,” he said, trying his upmost to be calm. “I’ve already agreed to do this with Celestia’s help. She’s already shown me round the place. I promise you, I’ll be quite alright.” He straightened out his jacket.
“Now, I’m going to head down to the Tavern for a while. We can talk again when we’ve both calmed down.” He then headed for the front door, and promptly left, leaving me alone in the house again.
For the uninitiated, let me fill you in on something. Sometimes, fights can descend to a very base level. It stops being about who is right or wrong, and comes down to winning or losing the fight. While it had all turned out right in the end, this past year had been pretty stressful. Tirek’s brief escape aside, I’d been brought to another world against my will, and forced to pretty much restart my life. I guess it was just this particular straw that finally broke the camel’s back.
With Roger gone, I decided to brood, and think about how I could convince him I was right. It probably doesn’t help that we’re both Capricorns. Whenever we do argue, we both have a very strident belief that we’re right and our opponent is wrong. We rarely fight like that though. The last time I’d had a real shouting match with him had been before the kids were born. Believe it or not, it was about our house’s wheelie bin, which had gotten chewed up by the bin lorry that morning. I almost threw him out of the house.
Still, we both came around, and we would eventually do the same about this. At present though, I was firmly set in the belief that it was far too dangerous for my husband, my fifty-five year old husband, who needs varifocals to see anything half the time, to go down into Equestria’s answer to hell and damnation, to visit the local fruitcakes.
About twenty minutes later there was a knock at the door. That couldn’t be Roger; he had his own keys after all. So, turning off the projector and the film I had been watching, I went to see who it was.
I see Twilight on a pretty regular basis, when she’s not off saving Equestria or dealing with some friendship problem of course. But I’ve also met with the other three alicorn princesses on more than one occasion. Aside from Princess Luna occasionally dropping in on my dreams, I’ve actually had Princess Celestia at my house for a party.
It was the third princess of Equestria though, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, or Cadance as she prefers, that was standing outside my front door. Well, it’s not every day that the Princess of Love and the ruler of Crystal Empire pays call on you is it? Offering a brief bow, I greeted the young alicorn, who was slightly smaller than Princess Luna was.
“Hello, Princess Cadance,” I said kindly, opening up the door and ushering her inside. “What brings you out to Ponyville?” Cadance smiled and shook her head.
“You can just call me Cadance, Margaret,” she replied. Honestly, aside from Princess Celestia, do any of the princesses use their titles that much? “As for why I’m out here, Roger asked me to come and talk to you.”
Well, very well played on my husband’s part; sending Equestria’s cupid to broker a truce. Aside from the title, Cadance’s magic is specialised toward love. While she cannot force ponies to fall in love, she can, as she puts it, lift the fog between two ponies and help them see their feelings for each other. My son in contrast, who doesn’t seem to care much for the pretty, pink princess, says it reminds him too much of changeling hypnosis magic. In any case, I doubted that she’d be using that magic on me though.
Closing the front door behind her, I led the young alicorn, she’s not that much older than Twilight after all, into the kitchen and sat down with her at the dining table.
“Fancy a cup of tea, while you’re here?” Cadence nodded.
“Thank you,” she replied. Luckily, I’d made a pot a few minutes ago, and had just been finishing my first cup when the doorbell went. A quick check assured me that the tea hadn’t stewed in the pot. Setting a cup down in front of her, I sat down opposite.
“So, you’ve been sent as the peace envoy, have you?” I asked jokingly. Cadance giggled as she sipped at the slightly bitter tea.
“No, nothing like that,” she replied. “Although Roger did tell me that he was going to apologise to you when he got back. No, I’m here to try and provide you with some reassurance.” I sighed to myself.
“Cadence, you can’t seriously expect him to go down to that hellhole can you?”
“Celestia actually took him down there this afternoon. She said he handled things very well. He even went up to talk with Tirek in his cell. It isn’t as dangerous as you might think really. The prisoners can’t leave their cells, or even move around that much for the most part. Plus, since Roger doesn’t have any magic, he’s far less at risk than a pony would be.” I frowned and offered a rebuttal.
“I just worry if something does go wrong. I know from Fluttershy that Cerberus is staying put now she goes and visits him from time to time, but no prison is completely inescapable.” Cadance’s voice now became a little more dour.
“Margaret. Trust me what I say this. There is no way out of that prison.”
I had good reason to trust her word. When Tirek had gotten out, in a petty act of spite, he’d locked the three princesses away in Tartarus. They’d only been able to leave after Twilight and her friends knocked him six ways from Sunday and put him back where he belonged. With their magic restored and his gone completely, they were able to leave without trouble.
“Well, I can take your word on that.” I agreed.
I was still worried, but it was because I loved him and didn’t want anything to happen to him. I’d been the same when he would go down to the cells to meet with his clients. Particularly after that one randomly kicked off. That resulted in him and Roger getting a face full of pepper spray thanks to an over eager bobby. He was alright of course; the officers outside had quickly burst in when the security alarm went off, but it still shook me up.
I sighed and set down my cup of tea.
“I just worry about him, Cadance,” I said. “Neither of us are getting any younger, and he’s done his bit for king and country. I had hoped that this ‘legal advisor’ job he’d gotten would just mean him sitting in an office all day long, not going gallivanting off to the depths of hell.”
Getting up from her seat, Cadance walked around to me, and placed a comforting wing on my shoulder.
“Hey, I know how you feel. I get the same way about Shining Armor. After we defeated Sombra, I didn’t let him out of my sight for a week. I thought that, with him becoming a prince, he’d stop being so much of a soldier. But he still is. I remember once, I asked him why he still wants to risk his neck like that. He told me that he’d rather he did the dangerous jobs, so that nopony else would have to.”
Yeah, that sounded like my knucklehead of a husband too. He always was the sacrificial type. If there was ever a difficult job that needed doing, he’d be the first to volunteer for it. He pushed himself like that, as if he was punishing himself.
Plus, Cadance did make some other good points. As a foreign species, effectively an alien, a lot of the ‘rules’ of this world didn’t apply to him. While we could be affected by magic, neither of us had any within ourselves. I suppose he is the ideal candidate to deal with Tirek then, and any other creature that relies on attacks directed at a pony’s magic. He can’t have his magic stolen, he can’t have his cutie mark taken away; it makes him a lot less vulnerable I suppose. I could see where both he and Celestia were coming from.
And, as my son would put it; ‘the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one’. If him going down there stops another incident like Tirek from happening, then it makes sense for him to do so.
Hell, let’s face it; he’s stubborn as a mule. Even if I still disagreed with the idea, there would be no stopping him. If he says it safe, and if the princesses say it’s safe, then I have to agree that it’s probably safe. Doesn’t mean I have to like it, mind you.
“Roger probably thinks the same way that your Shining does,” I said to Cadance. “Heck, I know I’d give almost anything to prevent another day like the day Tirek escaped. Just promise me that he’ll be safe.” Cadance placed her hoof on my hand.
“I promise, Margaret. Both my aunts will be watching closely whenever he’s down there. So will Discord and Cerberus.”
That was all I could really ask for wasn’t it? I guess the potential danger was more obvious in that situation. My life could be just as dangerous. I could walk outside tomorrow and be struck by an errant bolt of lightning. Blade Star could have an apple tree break and fall on him. Lizzie could get sucked into an out of control storm. They were all just as serious risks, and honestly, based on what Cadance told me, they were just as likely as Roger being hurt down in Tartarus. But I didn’t fret about those every day, did I? So why should I worry about this?
“Thanks for coming here, Cadance,” I said at length. “You’ve taken a load off my mind. Still, I’ll be glad when he’s back on the right side of the line.”
“That’s all I can hope for,” Cadance replied simply. Setting her mug of tea down, she got up and made for the door. “Well, I hate to cut and run like this, but I need to get back to the Crystal Empire. The delegation from Yakyakistan is supposed to arrive in a few days.” I got up and followed her to the front door.
“I appreciate you coming down here, Cadance. And I expect Roger does too. I’m just sorry you had to come all the way down here for something so little as an argument between the two of us.”
“Margaret, I’m the Princess of Love,” Cadance replied. “I’m pretty certain helping couples kiss and make up is in my job description. Think nothing of it.” The alicorn opened her wings and prepared to take off.
“Alright, Cadance. Thanks again. Fly safe.” Cadance then flapped her wings a few times and ascended into the air. After putting a bit of distance between herself and the ground, she activated her magic and disappeared in the signature flash and pop of a teleport.
Cadance’s departure left me alone again for a while. My temper had cooled almost completely, and I’d either accepted or been reassured about the risks Roger might be facing in his new duties. It was actually quite surreal thinking about it. I mean, who else can say that they have to worry about their husband going down to Hell to do inventory once a month?
I decided that it was something I could live with in any case. Living in Ponyville, which seems to be a magnet for unusual and occasionally life threatening events meant he was probably uninsurable already.
Actually, I’m not sure if ponies even have the concept of insurance, never mind premiums.
It was on that peculiar thought that I heard the door open.
“Hello?” Roger called out hopefully. “Margaret? I’m back.” He appeared a moment later in the doorway, proverbial hat in hand. I smiled at him with my arms folded in a faux stern manner.
“Sending the Princess of Love to my doorstep,” I said wryly, raising an eyebrow. “That’s a new one I must say.” He looked at me sideways.
“Did it work?” he asked hopefully. I rolled my eyes.
“Yes, of course it worked, you daft bugger,” I said, hugging him. He relaxed and hugged me back. “Sorry I got so worked up about all this. But you know I worry about you.”
“I know, I know,” he replied. “I worry about you too. Particularly with those Cutie Mark Crusader kids around. Now come on, I’ll put some dinner on.” He then headed into the kitchen. It was a bit late now, but he could probably heat up some leftovers or something.
“So how was Cadance anyway?” he asked as he stood at the stove. “I didn’t have much chance to talk to her after I sent her a letter.” Ah, that explains it.
“Oh, so you roped poor Spike into this as well did you?” I asked. He nodded.
“Come on, us guys have to stick together. Especially in a town with such a skewed bias towards females.” I laughed at that.
The next morning, I got up a little earlier than usual to see Roger off. Since the train ride up to Canterlot takes the better part of an hour, and another half hour for him to get up to the castle itself, he has to leave quite early to be there for the ceremonial opening of the court at eight. I meanwhile, don’t need to be at school until half past eight, so I tend to sleep a little longer.
This time though, given that today was his first proper visit to Tartarus, I made a point of seeing him off and wishing him luck. I wasn’t worried, well no more so than whenever I let him walk out of the house. Dressed in his suit and with his briefcase in hand, he headed off to the train station as I waved goodbye.
After seeing him off, and saying hello to Blossomforth, who happened to be passing by at that moment, I headed back inside. One of my husband’s few annoying habits is what he does with his breakfast. He doesn’t wash the damn things up; instead he puts everything next to the sink. Why he can’t manage those last few inches I’ll never know. Seriously, they might as well be halfway down the sodding garden for all the good it does. I made a mental note to remind him again when he got back. I’ve fixed many of his faults down the years with constant nagging.
So after cleaning off the breakfast table and leaving a few things to soak in the sink, I headed upstairs to get dressed myself.
Ponies, as a rule, don’t wear clothes, at least not often in Ponyville. You see them commonly in bigger cities, but even then, they’re accessories more than anything. Cheerilee doesn’t usually wear anything, and Ponyville school doesn’t have uniform requirements. Me though, I do. And while I’m sure I could probably turn up in my pyjamas and get away with it (speaking of, ponies do wear pyjamas, isn’t that odd considering they don’t wear clothes?) I try to dress professionally. I got dressed in my usual combination of a blouse, thin jacket, jeans, and flat shoes.
Heading back down the stairs, I grabbed my work folder off of the kitchen counter. It has my lesson plans, originals of worksheets, answer keys, and so on. Tucking it under my arm, and swinging my handbag over the opposite shoulder, I checked that I had my house keys and then headed out myself.
School was fairly easy going that day. I only had the morning teaching, while Cheerilee would be looking after things during the afternoon. We try to split the hours fifty-fifty between us, though this past week, Cheerilee had had a bit more on her plate with a meeting with the board of governors. Inspection season wasn’t too far around the corner either.
When lunch rolled around, I took my turn keeping an eye on the foals. For once, much to my surprise, I didn’t have to step in to stop Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon teasing anypony. Maybe those fillies are finally getting the message. On the other hand, I thought they had when my son scared the living daylights out of Diamond when he saw her bullying Apple Bloom.
After the bell rang, the foals all headed back inside with Cheerilee. I meanwhile, collected up my papers, and made for home. I didn’t have that much work to catch up on so far this week, but I did have another errand to run. I needed to go to the hospital.
You see, about a year or so before we all ended up in Equestria, I had a TIA, essentially a mini stroke. There was no major damage, I just had this funny spell where a black spot appeared in my vision. It cleared after a minute, but it still shook me up. The diagnosis was that I needed to lower my cholesterol and take blood thinners.
Luckily for me, while Equestria may lack a lot of human technology, their medical skills are quite advanced; comparable to the NHS. As a result, I was able to stay on my medication, after getting a check-up from the local doctor. I now see him once a month to see if there has been any change.
I suppose I should tell you about Dr. Horse. He’s my GP and the senior doctor at Ponyville’s modest hospital. Unlike the human whose name I’m sure his is a pun of, he’s a very nice pony. He reminded me a little bit of Caramel; Applejack’s cousin, with a caramel coat and a dark brown mane. His cutie mark is an EKG machine, still ticking luckily. While Ponyville is predominately made up of earth ponies, he’s a unicorn, with a knack for healing magic.
Heading up the road, I soon came across the large two storey building. It reminds me of an old manor house in its architecture. Walking through the automatic doors, I found myself in the foyer, with Nurse Redheart sitting behind the front desk.
“Hello, Margaret,” she greeted. I’m told by foals she can be quite stern, but I seem to have gotten onto her good side. “You can go straight on through, Dr. Horse should be ready for you by now.”
“Thanks, Redheart,” I replied, heading down the hall to Horse’s office. I soon came upon the door that read ‘Dr. A. Horse M.D.’ Knocking, I heard him call me in.
His office was fairly well laid out. He himself was sitting at a desk opposite the door. Alongside it was a chair for his patient, and against the far wall was an exam table and a few drawers and cupboards. Horse turned around and smiled at me.
“Margaret, do come in. Sit yourself down.” Smiling back I complied. Horse quickly recapped on things since my last visit, looking through his notes as he did so.
“Right,” he said as he scanned through everything. “Last time you were here your cholesterol had dropped down noticeably, and there’d been no other incidents. Is that still true?” I nodded.
“As far as I know. I’ve been watching my diet as best I can.”
“No vision problems, speech impediments or motor function troubles?” Horse asked.
“No nothing like that,” I replied. “Although I have been bruising a lot more easily since I went on those blood thinners.” Horse nodded in understanding.
“Yes, that is an unfortunate side effect. But since there haven’t been any further problems, I’ve half a mind to take you off those for a little while. While I don’t know exactly what happened to you when you had your TIA, I’m half inclined to suspect it was a fluke occurrence, rather than a systemic problem.” There could be some truth in that, the way my old doctors had bumbled about never filled me with much confidence. “It might have even been something far less serious, such as a floater; debris in the vitreous humour casting shadows on the retina.”
“So you think I should stop with the blood thinners for a while.” Horse nodded.
“Yes, I do. You said it took your…er…NHS was it, three months before they put you on thinners. If you really did have a TIA, I would have expected a reoccurrence before then. I could be wrong, of course, so I’d like to try a brief spell off the thinners. Even if it was a TIA, lowering your cholesterol will make clots less likely.” It seemed like a sound argument.
“Alright, you’re the doc, Doc.” That made Horse laugh.
“Very good, Margaret. Then I shan’t renew your prescription for the thinners. Just keep an eye on your diet. Next time I see you, we’ll take a blood sample and check your cholesterol levels. But if you have any funny spells in the meantime, you come and see me straight away.” I nodded.
“Okay, I’ll make an appointment for next month then.” Getting up, I left Horse to his work again.
Heading back to the foyer, I found Tenderheart in Redheart’s place. Apparently she’d been called away to help another patient upstairs. I made an appointment to see Horse next month. And since I didn’t have to stop by the pharmacy, I then made straight for home.
Much to my relief, Roger arrived home at his usual time that evening, none the worse for wear. He was happy, calm, and relaxed as always. I asked him, more out of curiosity then concern, what it had actually been like. While Tartarus had been something of a hot topic since Tirek’s re-incarceration, I couldn’t even tell you what it looked like.
Apparently, rather than hellfire and brimstone that was the usual interpretation of Hell, Tartarus in contrast, was like a large network of caves, with stone paths leading to small islands, all suspended over an endless abyss. Some were connected by precarious paths, while others were connected by stone tunnels.
I then asked him about the inmates, and what they were like. He said that they weren’t that dangerous, or even that scary. In fact, he claimed that some of them reminded him of people you might find in the drunk tank or a haunted house. The majority of them, he said, weren’t even that scary. He’d also seen Tirek again, apparently the horrid little bugger is still ranting and raving to anypony that’ll listen about how useless friendship is.
He reminds me of some of the more emotionally unstable kids I dealt with in my later school years. Yes, he was scary. But stripped of his dark abilities, his philosophy does become actually quite sad. Apparently Discord is taking great pleasure in tormenting him in a variety of unusual ways.
So, it was a case of no news being good news. He’d gone down to Tartarus, alone, and he hadn’t died, been eaten, turned into something, had his soul sucked out, or been turned into a mind controlled slave. He said there was only one inmate who unsettled him, and he was locked away as tightly as Tirek. Other than that, it had been a walk in the park.
He only had to go down there once a month to do a headcount really, so he wouldn’t be heading down there again for a good long while. And with no apparent problems, I decided to let my concerns diminish. I mean, it isn’t as if he’s regularly going down there and having long, drawn out conversations with the prisoners. That would just be silly.