As the tired earth pony trotted down the hall of the television studio toward the executive's office, his knees began to feel weak again. He brokered a lot of deals and sold lots of merchandise in his time, but this was the first time he ever tried to sell himself.
The stallion stopped at the office door to catch his breath and wipe the sweat off his brow. With his slightly heavyset build, pale yellow hide and almost no mane to speak of, he didn't look like a slick television producer. He was a pawnbroker, but he was a bucking good one. If there were anything he wanted to buy or sell bad enough, he could do it and end up with sacks and sacks of bits at the end of the day.
Now he was about to make the biggest pitch of his career, nay, his life. He took in a deep breath, knocked on the front door and hoped the editors did a good job on the video in his saddlebag.
"Come in," a voice sounded on the other side of the door.
The stallion pushed the door open with one hoof and greeted the waiting executives. "Mornin', gentlecolts."
"Good morning, Cash," said the executive unicorn behind the oak desk in the office. Two other unicorns flanked either side of the desk and seemed to make the sitting stallion all the more imposing, and the wall of television monitors behind them made the sight even more magnanimous. "Please, take a seat, rest your hooves." He motioned to a plush chair in front of the desk.
Cash shut the door behind him, walked up and sat before the unicorns, who all wore black suit jackets with slim neckties. He realized he was still wearing his black shirt from the shop and felt a little self-conscious. Normally he wouldn't have showed up for this appointment dressed down, but he had met with these ponies so often he didn't give his attire a second thought.
"Ready?" the exec at the desk asked.
"I've been ready," Cash said before put his nose into his saddlebag. He gingerly pulled out a videotape between his teeth and set it down upon the desk. "There it is: all my hopes and dreams on one tape."
"You know, Cash," the exec said as he leaned forward and gave the tape a couple soft taps with a hoof. "If your pilot here is half as good as your pitches have been, then I think you may have a future with this network."
Cash flashed a confident grin. "That's good to hear, sir. And I think from here on in we'll just let the footage speak for itself. Shall we?" he said as he motioned to one of the monitors behind the desk.
"Certainly." The unicorn levitated the tape and guided it into a player in the wall behind him. As the video began to play, one of the monitors displayed some brief static, then a black screen.
I hope you guys kept Derpy out of the editing room like I asked, Cash thought to himself as a set of color bars came onscreen.
The bars flashed into a picture of a line rotating around a circle, with numbers that counted back from 5...4...3...2...
Here goes nothin'...
The television came to life as a guitar started playing a hard-rock lick over shots of Cash putting pieces of jewelry on display in his shop. A voice-over by Cash narrated the introduction:
**********
I'm Cash Money, and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my sire, Old Money; and my colt, Big Hoss.
Everything in here has a story and a price. One thing I've learned in all my years in Ponyville, is that you never know what is going to trot through that door.
This is Ponyville Pawn Stars.
The next scene was a wide shot of Ponyville, which soon zoomed in on a large thatch-roofed building. A sign hung off of the building that displayed three circles, each attached with lines that connected to one line which dangled the shapes. The camera then went inside the shop, where ponies of all sorts milled about and admired the collection of merchandise on display: wall art, statues, jewelry, books, and even farming equipment. Everything seemed to be in a state of organized clutter with wall shelves, display cases and floor spaces packed with curiosities.
As the visual tour continued Cash's voice picked up the narration again:
This is Ponyville's own Silver Saddle Pawn Shop. My dad set this place up way back before anypony can remember, back when this town was little more than apple orchards and a few shacks. He built this place from the ground up, gave out the first loans in the town's history and even sold some of the first settlers the equipment they needed to keep the apple business booming. Some ponies say Granny Smith of the Apple family and Filthy of the Rich family were the parents of Ponyville commerce. But I don't think Ponyville commerce would've lasted long if Old Money hadn't been there with the loans and the equipment when the ponies needed it.
Cash Money then appears for an onscreen interview, standing outside of the shop and wearing his black uniform shirt. His cutie mark is visible, the same as the symbol on the shop sign. Cash continues his narration before the camera:
The big cities like Manehatten and Fillydelphia have a lot of pawn shops, but we've always been the only game in Ponyville. You might think this makes our business dull and uneventful, but it doesn't. Ponyville is and has always been a hub for business and tourism, and we get plenty of big city ponies coming in ready to spend their bits on the stuff we bought from the other big city ponies. It's a big cycle of buying and selling, and we're making all the money.
Cash sat at his desk with quill in his mouth and worked on a stack of paperwork from the day's transactions. As he worked an old, gray and wrinkly stallion with a snow-white mane shuffled into the office nook area. He walked up to a chair behind a desk next to Cash's and sat down. After he eased his weary bones into the chair with a groan, the old stallion opened one of his desk drawers, looked inside then pulled out a deck of playing cards. He looked at Cash and asked, "How we doing, son?"
"Could be better," Cash answered with the quill still in his mouth. "You know, Dad, all of the other pawn shops these days are using mechanical printers. When are we going to stop doing business with quills?"
"When I damn well feel like it," Old Money muttered as he started laying cards down on his desktop.
Cash, who was wearing his simple black uniform shirt, looked at his father. He saw that Old Money was still wearing the same vest, collared shirt and tie he always wore to work. "Pops," he said, "you know I got us these new shirts over a month ago. When are you going to start wearing them with the rest of us?
"When I damn well feel like it," Old Money said again.
Cash shook his head. "Dad, stop being a jackass," he said. "I know you're older than the dirt Ponyville sits on, but come on already. This is my shop now and I say your crusty old self is out of uniform."
"Son, shut up and listen," Old Money said as he put down his cards for a moment and looked at Cash. "First off, it ain't your damn shop 'cause it's my name that's on the deed. Second, this crusty pony's been the chief executive officer 'round here since before you were born. That means I do as I bucking please an' nopony gives me hay for it, 'specially not my own kin. An' lastly, it was your grandpappy who was older than Ponyville's dirt. The dirt and I are about the same age."
The shop has always been a family business, The old country stallion said in an on-camera interview. I do the things the way I do them because it's how my pa taught me. My pa and I worked our hooves to the bone getting this shop going way back when. The only reason why I let Cash do most of the business nowadays is 'cause I'm old and I've already paid my dues. I don't like this dressed-down look he's tryin' to go for with these new shirts of his. I wear my shirt and vest to work because it looks a whole lot more professional and respectable than that. The truth about the pawn business is that ponies don't expect much from it. But when I do business, I do it with class. That's what I try and teach Cash and his colt every chance I get. I come to work early every day looking good and ready to treat everypony who walks into my shop with courtesy and respect. Long as I know I can make some money after dealing with them, anyhow...
Back inside the shop, a large blond earth colt about the size of Big McIntosh walked into the office area and joined Cash and Old Money. He also wore a plain black shirt and sported the same cutie mark as them. The pony was carrying some papers in his mouth, which he put down on another desk as he took a seat behind it.
Cash looked at him and asked, "You got that jewelry audit done, Big Hoss?"
"Yeah, Dad," he answered. "It's only the third bucking one I did in the last two weeks. When are you going to stop giving me pointless busy work?"
"It's not pointless," Cash said. "It's gotta be done."
"Yeah, by one of our associates, not the day shift leader," Big Hoss said. "Why did you give me this responsibility if I'm not even being treated like I have any?"
"You want to know why, Big Hoss?" Cash asked sternly. "Because you need to earn it."
"Earn it?!" Cash retorted, "The buck does that mean? I already have it!"
"You two cut it out," Old Money cut in. "You're breakin' my concentration." He grumbled under his breath and moved his cards around.
Cash ignored him and said, "Look, all I'm saying is that you've got the title, but you still have to show that I can trust you. One day it might be just you running this business."
"Yeah, that whole trust issue has been clear as day," Big Hoss said coldly. "You were a lot younger than me when Gramps gave you this job."
"Well, Hoss," Cash said, "that's because when I started working here, I wasn't an off-the-reins delinquent whose ideas of fun included setting off firecrackers in the middle of the cafe during the lunch hour."
"That was like, a million years ago, Dad!"
"And let's not forget all that ding-dong dashing you did with those flaming paper bags!"
"Oh come on, dad," Big Hoss said, amused with himself, "that was just plain funny."
"It wasn't funny when the mayor told me how she caught you!" Cash shot back.
"Hey, you have to admit, she had it coming!"
Yeah, I've given my dad a lot of hay growing up, Cash said in an on-camera interview, and I know I still test his patience. But he taught me everything I know about this business and the integrity that comes with it. Before my dad showed me the ropes here, you couldn't trust me with a bushel of apples. Now I'm second-in-command - well, third if you count my Gramps - of one of the most successful businesses this side of Equestria. I give my dad a lot of credit for putting up with me until now. I'm probably the reason his mane's fallen out.
"You know, Hoss, you can be a real pain in the flank sometimes," Cash said.
"Oh, you want to talk about a pain in the flank!" Hoss retorted. "Try working for a nearly bald pony who can't get it through his thick bucking skull that his colt might actually know a thing or two about running this shop! I can run this place without your or Gramps if I had to right now!"
"Please, Hoss, you don't know a damn thing about running the shop solo," Cash said dismissively.
"Bullspit I don't!" Hoss yelled. "I could do it in my sleep! With two hooves tied behind my..."
"Hey!" Old Money barked, and both younger ponies stopped to look at him. "The both of y'all need to cut it out or I'll really give y'all something to holler about! Save it for when you're off the clock, 'cause I won't pay y'all to bitch and moan at each other. I'm paying y'all to make me some money, and at this rate your bellyachin' is gonna drive out all my customers." He stopped and leaned to one side to see a pony outside approaching the front door. "Lucky for you, Cash, here comes one now. Now get to work, both of you, an' stop actin' like damn schoolcolts or I'll fire ya!"
Old Money settled back in his chair and picked up his cards again. Big Hoss sighed and turned to walk toward the back room. Cash also sighed and started toward the customer. He called over his shoulder, "All right then, Dad. Enjoy your nap."
"I don't sleep on the job, you know that," Old Money mumbled back.
The pony, a grayish earth mare sporting a pink bowtie and a purple treble clef on her flank, approached the counter as Cash greeted her. "Welcome to the Silver Saddle Pawn Shop. What can I do for you today?"
"Well, sir," she said in a lovely lilted accent, "I have a book that I think you would be interested in seeing." She stuck her nose into the saddlebag she wore, pulled out a worn black tome in her teeth and placed it upon the counter.
"A book, huh?" Cash asked before he opened the book with one hoof and inspected the title page. "Ah! Tchaicoltsky! And this looks like...a textbook, maybe? Is this a textbook written by him? Because, you know, I thought he was a composer."
"Not exactly a textbook," the mare clarified. "This is his 'Treatise on Symphonic Composition,' which is his postulations on musical theory and the methods of composing ensemble scores. It's the only book he ever had published in his lifetime. My father gave this to me as a gift after I performed my first solo with the Manehatten Fillyharmonic."
I'm amazed that this book is in my shop right now, Cash said in an on-camera interview. Tchaicoltsky wrote this longform essay back before he received critical acclaim for his first symphonies. In fact, historians believe that if his composing career hadn't taken off, he might be known today only as a musical theorist. Or maybe he wouldn't be remembered today for anything. In any case, this book is a unique collectable that any classical musician would love to get their hooves on. Now that's music to my ears.
"Wow, this looks like a really nice collector's item you have here," Cash said. "Did you want to pawn it or sell it?"
"Unfortunately, I have to sell it," the mare said, her voice noticeably dejected. "My roommate broke - no, destroyed - my double bass while horsing around during one of her wild parties. Seriously, who would drop a double bass on purpose..."
"Ouch, that's not cool. I hope she learned her lesson and you guys were able to work things out." Cash tried to impart a little sympathy before moving on with the deal. "Do you know what you're hoping to get out of this book?"
"Well, my father had it appraised awhile back," the mare said. "At the time it was worth about six hundred, so I would like to get that much at least."
Cash looked over the book again, carefully leafed through the yellowed pages with one hoof and pondered aloud, "You know, this would be great for my shop and your number is in the ballpark. I'd just like to know a little more about it before we agree on something." He closed the book and looked at the customer. "Tell you what, I know somepony who is a real expert when it comes to rare books like this. Let me see if I can get her down here to take a look at your book and we'll go from there. Sound good?"
"Certainly," the mare replied.
"Great!" Cash said and smiled. "Just sit tight and I'll go get her."
Whenever something this nice comes into my shop or if I just don't know enough about an item to even make an offer, I get a second opinion from an expert in the field, Cash explained in an on-camera interview. Not many pawnbrokers will even bother to do that, but that's what separates my continued success from their mediocre sales. All my experts really know their stuff, but I doubt there's anypony in Ponyville who knows half of what my book expert knows...
A short time later a purple unicorn arrives, eager to offer her expert perspective in this situation.
"There's my book expert!" Cash greeted the purple mare. "How're we doing today, Twilight?
"Doing great today, Cash!" Twilight Sparkle answered enthusiastically.
My name is Twilight Sparkle and I operate the library here in Ponyville, she said in an on-camera interview outside of the shop. I'm an expert in a variety of books and other types of literature. I'm also quite familiar with many types of magical artifacts. When Cash needs to know a little more about a rare book or a magical oddity a customer brings in, I'm the one he one he calls for help!
"Hello, Octavia!" Twilight said to the customer. "Did you bring in something for Cash today?"
"That I did, Twilight, right here." Octavia motioned to the book on the counter.
Twilight's horn and the book both took on a purple glow as she lifted the book and opened it for her to inspect. "Oh, wow!" Twilight's eyes went wide as she looked at the title page. "This is Tchaicoltsky's 'Treatise on Symphonic Composition!' I have this in my library, it's an absolutely fascinating read. This copy is in relatively good condition, too." She inspected the facing page, then she gasped and her eyes went even wider. "Oh my gosh! This one is a first edition! Octavia, this book of yours is one of the best I've seen in quite some time!"
Cash nodded and said, "Well, that definitely sounds like good news to us. Is the anything else about the book you can tell us, Twilight?"
"Well," Twilight said while flipping through the pages back and forth, "the cover's fairly worn, but the pages are unmarked and the binding is still pretty solid considering its age, so I'd label this book as being in 'very good' condition."
"Excellent," Cash said. "So how much do you think it's worth?"
"Hmm," Twilight thought aloud. "I do recall a similar volume that sold at an auction last year for about fifteen hundred bits." Now Octavia's eyes went wide at the news. Twilight continued, "But that's at an auction, not retail. So the quote I would give for a retail price would be about eight, maybe nine hundred bits."
Octavia smiled and nodded. "That's definitely more than what I had expected," she said.
"All right then," Cash said as he extended his hoof to Twilight. "Thanks for coming down to check this out for us, you've been a great help as always."
Twilight smiled and shook his hoof. "No problem, Cash, it was my pleasure!" she said, then turned to leave the store.
"Hey, Twi!" Cash called after her. "Tell Spike I just got some beautiful sapphires in, he should get his bits and stop by!"
"I will!" she called back as she trotted out the door.
Cash turned back to Octavia and asked, "So, how much do you want for the book?"
"Well," Octavia said, "I do believe the price was just quoted at nine hundred bits, so I'm asking nine hundred."
Cash shook his head and said, "Sorry, but I'm willing to give you five hundred for it." As he read the stunned look on her face, Cash explained, "What Twilight gave you was a retail price, but I'm not in the retail business. If I buy this book then it's probably going to sit for awhile before I find somepony willing to buy it. That will probably be another classical musician-type like yourself. Until then, I've got overhead, bills and my employees' salaries to pay."
Octavia considered this for a moment, then countered, "Could you perhaps be willing to accept seven hundred?"
Cash thought about the offer. "Six hundred," he said, "and that's it."
A few tense moments passed until Octavia conceded. "All right then. It was about what I expected walking in, so I'll accept that."
Cash smiled and nodded. "All right," he said as they shook hooves, "let's go do some paperwork."
I was rather disappointed at his first offer, but I did understand his obligations as a businesspony, Octavia said in an on-camera interview outside of the store. In the end we came to a mutual agreement. Now he has something to sell and I have the money to buy a new double bass...and a hardshell case...which it will stay in...locked up...far away from Vinyl...
This was a great deal, Cash said later on-camera. Once I find the right pony to sell this book to I'll easily make a profit. I might even sell it to Twilight Sparkle for the price she gave me!
**********
At this point, the video faded to black for what the editors intended to be a commercial break. In the exec's office, Cash studied the looks on the unicorns' faces. They looked interested in what they were seeing, but beyond that he couldn't tell if their interest was genuine or if they were just patiently waiting for Cash's boring tape to end.
No way, they're not bored, Cash thought. They're probably just keeping their poker face like I am. Right?
Cash considered outright asking them what they thought, but the show came back on and he decided not to interrupt. Let it speak for itself, Cash, he thought to himself. That was your plan, stick to the plan...
**********
The camera wandered around the store and captured quick shots of the customers and employees. A gruff earth pony looked over a plow in the middle of the showroom. A few unicorns gazed at the bright jewelry on display in the glass counter. A counting machine counted coins and dropped them into a sack for a customer. Old Money sat at his desk with his eyes closed and loudly snored.
A snow-white unicorn with a purple mane confidently trotted into the store and approached the counter. Cash straightened up and smiled as he greeted the customer. "Well how do you do, Miss Rarity? What brings you into my store today?"
"It's my store, remember?" Old Money cut in defiantly.
"Aw, go back to sleep, Pops!" Cash yelled over his shoulder and looked at Rarity again. "Sorry about that."
"Oh, that's quite alright, Cash," Rarity said. "I can certainly understand the abrasive family dynamic."
"Hear that, Dad?" Cash called back to Old Money. "She's calling you abrasive."
"Watch it, son," the grumpy stallion said.
"Anyhow," Cash said. "What brings the lovely Rarity here? Looking for some more vintage threads?"
"Sorry, Cash, no shopping today," Rarity said. "I'm here because I need a loan and I need it quickly. One of my clients is picking up her order in three days and I've run out of the unique materials I need to finish it. All I have to do is have the supplies overnighted from Manehatten, but I've come up a little short..."
Rarity's horn glowed as something rustled in her saddlebag. She continued, "I was wondering if perhaps you could accept this..."
A bright glimmer emerged from the bag, then Rarity lowered the object onto the counter. The glow softened to reveal a golden necklace with a bright lavender jewel in the shape of one of her cutie mark diamonds inlaid in the middle.
"as collateral."
Cash's eyes widened a little and he let out a small whistle. He called over his shoulder, "Hey, son! Come here and take a look at this."
Big Hoss trotted up to the two ponies. "What've we got here, pops?" he asked.
Cash scooped up Rarity's necklace in one hoof and brought it closer to the stallion's face. "Big Hoss, do you know what this is?"
"Um, a very shiny necklace?"
Cash looked back at Rarity and asked, "Do you see what I have to deal with on a regular basis here?" He turned back to his son. "Son, stop being a wiseacre. I know you know that this is the Element of Generosity necklace. I also know you know that she's Rarity, one of the six ponies who saved our hides and all of Equestria on multiple occasions."
"Yeah, so?" Big Hoss asked.
"So if she's coming to us for a loan, don't you think we should honor her patronage?" Cash asked back.
Big Hoss shrugged and said, "Whatever, Dad. I'm just here to make money, you know?"
Cash groaned, looked at Rarity again and said, "Again I apologize, Rarity. It seems like my whole family has come down with a case of the jackass today."
"Again, Cash, that's quite alright," she repeated.
About half of our business here in Ponyville is pawn and loan, Cash explained on-camera. Basically, if a pony's hard up for cash and needs a few extra bits, they can come to us for a loan. All they gotta do is put up an item for collateral. I give them some bits, then they have up to thirty days to pay back the loan plus interest. When they pay me back, I give them their item back. But if they can't pay up in thirty days, the item becomes my property and it goes on the shelf to be sold. I've had all kinds of stuff come in here to be pawned: antiques, farm equipment, even animals. I'll take anything if I think I can make some money off of it.
"So uh, Rarity?" Cash asked.
"Yes, Cash?"
"I have to ask so I can try and process what's going on here," Cash said. "Why is this here? I mean, of all the things that you could have brought in to pawn, this is what you bring me? A priceless magical artifact vital to the security of our land and our lives? That's what you brought to me today?"
"Does this not qualify as sufficient collateral?" Rarity asked back.
"Well, how do I put this?" Cash paused for a moment and said, "It's priceless."
"So you agree that it has value?"
"No. Well, yes," Cash stumbled over his words for a moment. "What I mean to say is, it's price-less. As in, I have no clue what it's actually worth. It's not like I have a catalog that I can look this up in and tell you."
"I don't understand what the problem is here," Rarity said. "Are you telling me I can't get a loan here with this?"
"I'm telling you that I can't even begin to quote a price for you."
"Then just throw a number out there! Name your price!"
"It's not that simple..." Cash tried to explain.
"Look, I don't have time to argue over this!" Rarity became exasperated. "Either you do this for me or I will find some other way to get the money I need. I will tell you that my client will be paying me handsomely for my work, so I can settle my loan the day after the order is completed."
"Rarity, I don't know..."
"I'll pay you double interest!" She offered excitedly.
Cash paused for a moment, then asked, "You're serious, aren't you?"
"As a parasprite attack," she replied.
The pawnbroker sighed as he looked at the gold necklace with its stunning gem. Then he looked at Rarity and said, "I can't believe I'm doing this. How much do you want for it?"
"How does two thousand bits sound for this exchange?" Rarity asked.
"Honestly? Since you generously offered to pay double interest?" Cash asked and continued, "I'd feel better about loaning you seven hundred."
"I assure you, Cash, paying you back will not be a problem in the least," Rarity said. "I can settle for fourteen hundred."
"One thousand," Cash said firmly, "and not one bit more."
Rarity stood and pondered the offer.
"It's cash-money, bright and shiny coins," Big Hoss offered. "Got bags of 'em in the back with your name on 'em."
The regal pony straightened up, took in a breath and responded, "Well, I do think I can finish my work with that amount. All right, Cash, we have a deal." Rarity smiled and extended a hoof.
Cash extended his own and they shook on it. "Excellent, Miss Rarity." He turned to his protege and said, "Big Hoss, write her up and get this inventoried, before Derpy sees it. Please, don't let her see this, because you know she'll start playing around with it and probably break it. Like she did with the vase, remember?"
"Uh-huh," Hoss answered.
"And the mirror," Cash continued.
"Yeah."
"And the..."
"Okay, okay, I got it!" Hoss exclaimed. "Don't let her anywhere near the thing!"
"Right. If anything happens to it, we'll be out..." Cash tried for a moment to think of a number, but couldn't. "Well, who knows what we'll be out! Just don't let her near it. Got me?"
"Gotcha, pops," Hoss said. He looked at Rarity and continued, "I'll meet you over there. Hey, maybe after the loan's paid, could you take a crack at a redesign of these ugly-looking shirts my dad's having us wear to work?"
"I heard that, Hoss!" Cash yelled.
"I could certainly try, Big Hoss," Rarity whispered.
**********
The camera faded out for a planned commercial break, then the exec paused the tape.
"Wait, wait a second. Who's Derpy?" the exec asked Cash. "Is she part of the family or something? I thought you guys said this was a family business."
"Well, it is," Cash explained, "but Derpy is this pegasus we hired just before the shooting started. She's a friend of Big Hoss's, and she got laid off from her job at the post office. I really hired her just to help out with stuff at the store. But..." All of a sudden, Cash lost his train of thought.
"But?" the exec asked inquisitively. "But what, Cash?"
Come on, Cash Money, think about the show. His mind raced to get its bearings. They don't have to know the whole haystack, just what's on camera...which hopefully isn't too much...
"But Derpy has a certain...unique appeal in the show," Cash said, confident now that the Derpy issue was back in his hooves. "And like I said earlier, I think we should just let the tape speak for itself so you all can see that appeal for yourselves."
The exec seemed to buy his defense of Derpy. "Alright, Cash, that sounds reasonable to me. I'm trusting you on this." The exec pressed the play button and the show resumed.
**********
As the camera faded back into the store it focused on one of the employees: a gray, wall-eyed pegasus mare. With a broom clenched in her mouth she swept the floor around the one of the display cases. She swept her way around to the back of the case, then put down the broom and flexed out one of her wings. Stretching it up to reach a wall shelf of knickknacks, she carefully dusted around them with her long feathers. As she did, Big Hoss came toward her behind the counter with Rarity's necklace, tagged for inventory, balanced on his tail.
"Hey Derpy," Big Hoss said, "let me get by you here..."
"Heya, Big Hoss!" Derpy turned to him and exclaimed. She forgot what she was doing for a second and bumped a gaudy green glass tree. It tipped from one side to the other, then began to fall off the shelf. In a second Big Hoss had carefully nudged her aside and caught the tree on his head.
"Whoops, my bad," Derpy said sheepishly. "Nice catch, Hoss."
Derpy is our newest addition to the shop, Big Hoss said in an on-camera interview. We've been friends for awhile and when she got laid off from the post office I decided to help her out and get her a job here. She's never been in the pawn and loan business before. But from what I understand she's not all that good at working the weather and other pegasi jobs either. So chances were good that she'd have a lot of trouble finding a decent job anywhere. And she needed work for her and her filly's sake. I mean, how couldn't I help out a friend, you know? If only she weren't so clumsy around the merchandise...
Big Hoss nudged the tree back in its place with his nose and said, "No prob, Derpy, just be more careful around these breakables, okay?"
"Okay," she said before peering over him to see what was on his tail. "Hey, what's that?"
Big Hoss looked behind him and moved his tail out of Derpy's view. "Oh, just a pawn I'm taking to the back room," he said.
"It looks really shiny and sparkly," Derpy said. "Hey, was that Rarity in here earlier? Is that hers? It must be really, really nice if it was hers!"
"Um, Derpy, we don't really pry too much into the stuff ponies bring in to pawn, you know?" Big Hoss said. "It's kind of like an invasion of privacy."
"Oh, okay, sorry," Derpy said with an embarrassed look on her face.
"Don't worry about it. Just for future reference, you know?" Big Hoss said as he slid past her and continued on toward the back room. "Hey, good job on the cleanup, everything back here looks a lot nicer without the dirt and stuff."
"Really?" Derpy asked as her spirit picked back up. "Thanks, Big Hoss!"
"Just watch those wings of yours." Big Hoss said. "They're, um, too nice to be used as feather dusters."
Derpy gave him a quick salute and replied, "You got it, boss Hoss!"
The camera cut to another montage of curious ponies admiring the store merchandise. Old Money, now fully awake from his nap, had left his desk and was making rounds behind the counters when he saw another potential customer coming through the door.
A pink earth pony with a greenish mane and two daisies on her flank trotted into the store while pulling a small wagon behind her. She brought her wagon up to the front counter where Old Money and Derpy stood.
"What can we do for you today, young lady?" Old Money greeted the customer.
The pony was carefully removing the sole item in her wagon with her front hooves when she replied, "Well, I was wondering if you would be interested in buying my cuckoo clock." She set down the ornate chestnut clock in front of the pawnbrokers.
"Ooh, a cuckoo clock!" Derpy exclaimed. "I love these things! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!"
Old Money looked at his employee and said, "Derpy, you really are a cuckoo bird."
"Nuh-uh, silly Old Money!" she said. "I'm a pegasus! See?" She flapped her wings and hovered in the air.
"Close enough."
I'm glad this clock came into my shop today, Old Money said in an on-camera interview. Most of these pieces are made in Canterlot by expert craftsponies, completely hoof-crafted and assembled down to the tiniest spring. They usually come into Ponyville when a Canterlot family decides to relocate here or some rich tourist picks one up as a souvenir. Clocks are great sellers here, especially among the more well-off ponies in these parts. That's because if they have one of these they don't have to depend on looking at the town square clock tower every couple hours just to know what time it is. Believe it or not, I'm just as excited as Derpy is about getting my hooves on this clock. I just have the good sense to keep my enthusiasm on the inside.
"What can you tell me about your clock here?" Old Money asked.
"This clock has been in my family since my grandfather bought it many years ago," the pink pony said. "He bought it in Canterlot and put it in his house once he settled here in Ponyville. Since then our family and this clock have remained in the same house, so it's been a part of our lives since even before I can remember."
"Why are you selling it?" Derpy inquired. "If you don't mind me asking, that is?"
"Oh, for the house," the customer explained. "It needs a lot of repairs this year. Thatch roofs don't last forever, you know."
"And how much are you wanting for it?" Old Money asked.
"I was thinking, somewhere around three hundred bits?" she offered.
"Hmm," the old gray stallion thought aloud. "I might be a buyer at that. If it works, that is. Does it still work?"
"It hasn't been wound in awhile, but as far as I know it should work," the pink pony said.
"Okay," Old Money said. "I know a pony in town who's good with these clocks. He should be able to tell right away if this clock is serviceable. Would you mind waiting a few minutes while I get him down here?"
"Not at all," the customer replied.
This could pay off big if the clock works, Old Money said on-camera. But if it doesn't then I'm afraid we're just wasting each other's time.
Soon afterward, a brown earth stallion with an hourglass cutie mark wearing a white collar and red tie trotted into the shop and greeted Old Money. "Good day, old chap!"
"Afternoon, Clockwork," Old Money said. "Glad you could make it down here."
"It's my pleasure, I..." Clockwork stopped as his eyes met Derpy's. Derpy noticed that he was staring and stared back. The two were locked in a silent gaze into each other's eyes for a moment before Clockwork spoke again. "Um...have we met before?"
"Uhh..." Derpy said, her eyes shifting about incongruently as she tried to remember. "I dunno."
"Well, I thought and, well, saw your eyes and," Clockwork stammered, "because, well...oh, nevermind."
Yes, well, I am the Doc-er, Clockwork! The clock expert introduced himself in an on-camera interview just outside the store. Yes, I'm Clockwork and I specialize in temporal, or rather chronomatic instruments of all sorts. Usually I'm called in to the Silver Saddle to evaluate clocks and their various states of functionality and relative monetary value. Yes...that...is what I do...
"Young miss," Clockwork said to the pink pony as he looked over the clock. "What you have here is a very fine example of Canterlot timepiece craftsmanship! As we can see here, a likeness of Princess Celestia herself has been carved into a miniature statuette form. And this," he said as he pointed with one hoof to a small semicircular painting of a village in late afternoon, "I believe will rotate as the clock runs to show this landscape at different times of day, symbolizing the Princess's domain over both the sun and moon. This, of course, is typical for a clock constructed before Princess Luna was liberated from her terrifying Night Mare Moon state."
"Fascinating," Old Money said. "But does the thing work?"
"Well, let's get right to it, then!" Clockwork said. He turned the clock with his hooves to look at the back, then carefully opened the back panel and inspected its inner workings. "Hmm...everything looks fairly clean, considering its age. Yes, I think I see the cuckoo bird there. Right then, let's wind 'er up and see what happens."
"Um, are you sure?" the pink pony asked Clockwork as he fished something out of his vest pocket with his teeth. "I haven't seen this clock run for years and I wouldn't want something to get...say, what's that?"
Clockwork had a strange cylindric device in his mouth that emitted a blue light into the clock. "My sonic-er, timepiece diagnostics tool," he answered through clenched teeth. "Now let's just...yes, right there...here we go!"
The ponies watched with fascination as the clock's gears began clicking and winding around by themselves. Its hands rotated counterclockwise until they came to a stop at three o'clock. Two tiny doors opened to reveal a tiny brown cuckoo, which opened its mouth and sounded the hour.
"Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!"
"Cuckoo!" Derpy excitedly imitated as she flapped her wings with glee.
"It works!" the pink pony exclaimed.
"Splendid, it works!" Clockwork said proudly.
"Fantastic," Old Money said in his deadpan tone. "Now that it works, what's it worth?"
"Ah, right then," Clockwork said while closing the back on the ticking mechanism. "Seeing as how it's all in good working order now, you could probably resell this for five hundred pou-I mean, bits, quite easily."
"Very good," Old Money said as he extended his hoof to the brown stallion. "Thank you for your help today."
"You're quite welcome," Clockwork said as they shook hooves. Before he turned to leave he looked at Derpy again and said, "Hmm...you know, I'm sure we've met before...oh, I'll probably remember again later. Good day, then."
Old Money looked at the pink pony again and asked, "So how much do you want for it?"
She looked at the clock, seemingly lost in the sound of its ticking. "Oh, I don't know...what did your expert say, five hundred?"
Old Money shook his head. "I can give you two-fifty," he said. "Five hundred is what I'll sell it for."
The pink pony sighed and said, "That sounds pretty low. I mean, this is something my grandfather had in our family for years. I practically grew up with this clock." She looked at him and asked, "Are you sure you can't offer just a little more for it?"
Old Money sighed, as if her softened him a little. "Miss, you're a sweet little pony, but business is still business. I still have to make some money at the end of the day. I can offer you three hundred, but that's the top of the mark."
A tense moment passed as she looked at the clock again and considered his offer. "If I walk out of here with this clock, I can look at it and think of my grandfather and the house he built," she reasoned. "But if I do that, the house he built will keep falling apart, and I don't think he would have wanted that to happen." She looked at Old Money and nodded. "Okay," she said, "I'll take the offer."
"All right then!" Derpy cut in, eager to help close the deal. "I'll meet you over there!"
"No, Derpy," Old Money said. "I'll wrap this up. You just go on back and sweep up the store some more."
"But I already did that, boss," she protested. "Everything's clean now."
"Well, go straighten up the pawn inventory, then," Old Money countered.
"Aww," Derpy said, "all right." She walked toward the back of the store while Old Money finished up business with the customer.
Selling the clock was a pretty hard thing to do, especially after seeing it all fixed up, the pink pony later said in an on-camera interview outside the shop. But at least now I have the money I need to repair the house, which would have made my grandfather happy. Now that the clock works again they can sell it to somepony else who will enjoy having it as much as I did.
A wide evening shot of the shop captured its shadowy appearance, which then transitioned into the pawnbrokers inside as they started to close up shop:
"All right, everypony, time to close up the floor!" Cash called to the patrons milling about in the showroom, who started moving out the door. "Anypony who still has business here can take it to the night window, but for the rest of you the showroom is closed. Thanks for coming by!" Cash turned and saw Big Hoss straightening up the counter. He trotted over to him and said, "Alright, son, I'm taking the night shift tonight and then you've got it starting tomorrow, right?"
"Eeyup," Big Hoss answered.
"Good deal, then," Cash said as he saw his father shuffling about behind the counter. "Hey, pop," he called to him, "why don't you get out of here already?"
"That's what I'm doing. What makes ya think I wanna hang around you thunderheads a minute longer than I have to?" Old Money pulled a black hat with a canted brim off his desk with his teeth, and with a quick flip had it on his head as he walked toward the door. "I'll see y'all in the mornin'."
As Old Money left, Cash turned his attention to his son again and said, "Okay, looks like everypony's left the building, so...wait a second, have you seen Derpy?"
"Last I saw her, I think Gramps told her to go straighten up the pawn inventory," Big Hoss answered.
"Better go get her so the two of you can get out of here," Cash said.
Big Hoss went to the back of the store, then down the hall lined with the pawn inventory shelves. He saw the gray mare several feet down the hall with her head in one of the shelves as of she were looking for something. He called to her, "Hey Derpy!"
She jumped a little and scurried back from the shelf. Big Hoss walked closer and called to her again, "Hey, what're you doing still back here? Everypony's going..." He stopped in his tracks when he was able to see the shiny object affixed around Derpy's neck. It was Rarity's necklace.
"Oh, h-hey b-boss Hoss," she stammered, eyes wide as saucers. She looked down at the necklace and her pupils went as tiny as pinpricks. "Ohmigosh! I'm sorry, Hoss, I was about to take it off! I wasn't stealing it, honest! Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry, please don't fire me!" She trembled and cowered in fear before her supervisor.
"Whoa, whoa there Derpy!" he said as he put up a front hoof toward her. "Calm down, now, I'm not going to fire you. I know you're not a thief." His kind words soothed her rattled emotions, and she stopped trembling and slowly stood up.
"Whew, oh, thank you, Big Hoss," she said with relief. "I hoped you would understand."
Big Hoss nodded. "I understand you weren't trying to steal Rarity's necklace," he said, "but what are you doing wearing it when you were supposed to be cleaning up the inventory?"
"Well," she explained, now fully composed, "I was cleaning up back here with a rag in my mouth, but everything was so dirty and the rag was too small, so I used my wings again to do some more dusting, but then it got so dusty in here that it tickled my nose and I sneezed, and when I sneezed my wing bumped something and, clunk! Rarity's necklace fell off the shelf, so I picked it up and saw it was Rarity's necklace, which is sooo cool because it's the Element of Generosity, and I just got a little curious, you know, about how it would maybe look on a plain old mare like me, so I put it on and I wanted to see how I looked in a mirror, so I went looking in the shelves for a mirror maybe somepony decided to pawn, and then you were all like, 'hey Derpy!' (she tried to make her voice sound deep like Big Hoss's) and I got scared and stuff, and, well, here we are."
"Ah," Big Hoss said, rolling his eyes. "Makes perfect sense."
"Well, hey!" Derpy said, "As long as you're here would you mind telling me, you know, how awesome I look?" She went up on her hind legs, put her font hooves on her sides, spread her wings and gave the biggest hero grin she could muster. Her eyes remained the same.
"The pinnacle of awesomeness," Big Hoss said dryly. "Look out, Rainbow Dash."
"Check me out!" she boasted while trying out various hero poses. "It's Derpy, champion of Equestria! The element of...um, bubbles! And, uh, muffins too!"
"Alright, that's enough," Big Hoss said. "I came back here to let you know we can go..."
"Peow! Peow!" Derpy puffed her chest out and imitated energy bolts. "Take that, Night Mare Moon! Peow!"
"Derpy, seriously, cut that out," Big Hoss said. "You don't know what that thing can do, it might be loaded with magical energy and stuff."
"Aw naw, boss Hoss!" she said with self-assurance. "This thing is Rarity's, it can't do anything for anypony but her." She resumed her make-believe battle. "Peow! Oh, what's up now, Discord? That's right, it's the one and only Derpy coming at ya! Peow! Kablam!"
"Oh...crabapples. Derpy?" Big Hoss asked tensely as he started at the necklace. He pointed with one hoof at it and said, "That can't be good."
Derpy stopped horsing around and asked, "What do you mean?" She looked down and her eyes went wide again. The jewel in the necklace was starting to glow brighter and brighter. Not only that, but the two ponies noticed that there was a humming noise in the hallway that seemed to come from the necklace as well. The confused gray mare looked back at Big Hoss and asked, "Um, boss...what did I do?"
"Hey!" Cash's voice called down the highway over the growing humming. "What's taking you ponies so long?"
Suddenly, the glowing and the humming got brighter and louder very quickly. Big Hoss had a brief moment to react, and he did so by dropping to the floor and yelling behind him, "Dad, hit the deck!"
A large, diamond-shaped energy bolt erupted from the jewel, thundering over Big Hoss and down the hall. A second later there was a loud crash, then nothing.
Big Hoss picked up his head and saw Derpy, paralyzed with fear and her mouth agape. For once, both of her eyes stared straight ahead. The jewel in the necklace glowed softer and softer, then went dark. Hoss got up, swiped the necklace off from Derpy's neck and gently tossed it onto the shelf he had put it on earlier.
"And that's why we don't play around with the inventory, especially with the magical items," he told her as he tugged her mane between his teeth to follow him back into the showroom. "Now let's get out of here before my dad...oh no, Dad!" He let go of Derpy and galloped into the showroom. He froze in his tracks when he saw the damage the energy blast had done.
The counter and display case opposite from the back room was completely demolished, and all the shelves on the back wall had come down from their fixtures. Splintered wood and broken glass and merchandise lay everywhere, and in the middle of the ruins was Cash, dazed and confused from the impact, laying flat upon the floor.
He began to stir, opened his eyes and groggily lifted his head. "Uhh...what...in Celestia's name...happened here?" He asked as he looked around and tried to make sense of the destruction surrounding him. Cash brought his hooves in toward his torso, tried to push himself up and winced in pain. Big Hoss moved in to help his father get up off the floor.
"I just don't know what went wrong," Derpy tried to explain to Cash. "I don't think Rarity's necklace was supposed to do that..."
"What?" Cash asked and froze. He pushed Big Hoss away from him and straightened himself up. "So it was Rarity's necklace that did this," he said before turning to Big Hoss. "I told you, didn't I? I told you not to let her see it, right?"
"Dad, are you okay? Do we need to go to the hospital?" Big Hoss asked partly out of concern and partly to try and take the heat off of him at the moment. It didn't work.
"Get a broom. Start cleaning. Now," Cash said as he looked at the two ponies and pointed with one hoof at the wide area of the mess. "The two of you, make this place safe for customers to come in tomorrow. If somepony gets a single shard of glass in their hoof tomorrow, then the both of you are out of a job. And you," he continued, looking squarely at Big Hoss, "until further notice, you are working the night shift. Every night."
"What?!" Big Hoss exclaimed. "I'm the day shift leader! You can't expect me the burn the candle at both..."
"Until. Further. Notice," Cash said. He groaned, shook the dust off of himself, then started shuffling toward the door. "Now, if the two of you will excuse me, I'm going to go home, take a bath, eat some dinner and sleep off my injuries."
Cash limped out of the shop and slammed the door behind him. Big Hoss sighed as the camera cut to a shot of the shop in the evening slowly zooming out. "Come on, Derpy, let's get this cleaned up," he said as the camera faded out for the last time.
**********
The exec stopped the tape in the middle of the credit roll and shut off the monitor. He turned to look at Cash, who managed to get out a small chuckle.
"Heh, that stuff at the end was really something, huh?" he said to the suits. "You know, I was pretty amazed at how well your camera crew captured all of that. It's definitely not something you see every day at your run-of-the-mill pawn shop."
The suits said nothing. Oh no, this can't be good. Cash's thoughts raced again. How did that footage get into the final cut? My fritters are cooked now...
"Uh, I had asked the editors to leave out all of that stuff at the end from the final product," Cash said. "Looks like they went against a lot of my advice."
Still nothing.
Beads of sweat began to run down Cash's head as he thought, Come on now, keep it together. They're trying to call your bluff. They want you to back down, but you're not gonna give this up. You've bet too much and come far to fold now. Just ask them, already!
"So, fellas, really," Cash said as confidently as he could. "I've gotta know what you think of the pilot. Please, just lay it on me. I've got thick hide."
Finally, the exec at the desk took in a breath, exhaled, leaned forward, looked right at Cash and said, "You want to know what I think?"
"Absolutely," Cash answered without hesitation.
"I think," the exec said before he leaned back and laughed. "I think that was one of the best shows I've ever seen!" He pounded his hoof on his desk in approval, and the flanking ponies in suits smiled and stomped their hooves in agreement.
Cash smiled about a mile wide. "Really?" he asked them sincerely. "You're not pulling my hoof here?"
"Absolutely not!" the exec continued, "This is the kind of stuff I wish we had on television already. I mean, what you showed us here, it's the total package. You've got ponies bringing their stuff in, and you and your experts talk about what it is and where it came from and whatnot. Everypony learns a little something from that, which is good. But then you've got the guessing game of what you guys will pay, or if the pony will even sell you their stuff. That's exciting, too. And as if that's not enough, look at the personalities you brought into the show! The Twilight Sparkle and the Rarity?! I had no idea you knew the champions of Equestria! I tell ya, those ponies deserve a show of their own! But I digress. The point is, I love it, which means the network will love it and they'll want more!"
Cash began to feel dizzy from all the praise and did his best to stay focused. "That's excellent, sir!" he said. "How much more do you think they'll want?"
"Well, here's what I can do," the exec said as he put both front hooves on his desk. "I can have a contract drafted up for you to sign tomorrow guaranteeing one season of your, what is it, Pawnbrokers of Ponyville Show?"
"Ponyville Pawn Stars," Cash corrected.
"Yes. That's shorter than what I said, I like it," the exec said as he resumed telling Cash his plans. "Anyhow, we will sign you up for one season, plus options and whatever fringe benefits you can think of. We're talking beaucoup bits here, Cash, probably more bits being thrown at you tomorrow than a year's profit at your shop. Sign up tomorrow and we can have our camera crew back at your place ready to film in three days."
Cash's mind was reeling. He was finally getting everything he had hoped for with this television thing. He couldn't wait to rub it all in Old Money's face once he was done here and show the old stallion how foalish he had been putting down Cash's ideas. The first things he would do would probably include a night on the town in Las Pegasus. Whether or not he would bring Old Money or Big Hoss along would remain to be seen.
His attention refocused on the suited exec at the desk in front of him, who had his hoof extended to him for an agreement. "So...do we have a deal?"
Wow, he thought, this is what it feels like to be on this end of the bargain. Weird, but kinda cool.
Cash stuck out his hoof and shook the exec's. "We've got a deal," he said.
"Excellent!" the exec exclaimed. "I'm gonna hold you to that hoofshake until the contract is drawn up, by the way. Why don't you get on back to your shop and tell them the good news?"
"You bet," Cash said as he got up on four hooves again, "and thanks again for listening to my pitches and everything. You've really made my day."
"You're quite welcome, Cash," the exec said. But before the pawnbroker could leave the exec had to stop him for a moment. "Hey Cash, wait! I've got just one more thing about the show."
"Oh?" Cash said. "What's that?"
"It's about Derpy," the exec said.
Uh oh, he thought, What about Derpy?
"What about Derpy?" Cash asked.
"She's hilarious!" the exec said as he stretched out the syllables of that last word. "That silly pegasus is the perfect comic relief for this sort of thing. She's going to make this show!"
"Oh!" Cash exclaimed in relief. "Well, if you say so, sir."
"I'm serious, Cash," the exec said in a more serious tone. "Don't fire her, don't sideline her. She needs to be part of the show like your sire and colt are. You got me?"
Cash nodded and said, "Understood. Derpy stays. Sign contracts tomorrow. Beaucoup bits coming."
"Yes, yes and yes," the exec said. "I think this is going to be the start of a great thing, Cash. Now get outta here and gloat, you! See you tomorrow!"
"You bet, see you then!" Cash said as he left the office and closed the door behind him. He walked down the hall several steps until he was out of earshot from the executive, then stopped and let out a long exhale.
That went quite well, he thought. So, Derpy makes the show, huh? It looks like I might be bringing three to Las Pegasus after all.
Beaucoup bits. Derpy stays.
Filming again in three days. Derpy stays.
Signing contracts tomorrow. Derpy stays.
Derpy stays.
What in Equestria did I get myself into?