//------------------------------//
// Firebrand 
// Story: Home is Where Your Curse is 
// by SFaccountant 
//------------------------------//

Home is Where Your Curse is
a My Little Pony/Ranma 0.5 crossover fanfiction
by SFaccountant


Chapter 10
Firebrand







"Lah lah lah dee dumm..."
Swan Song hummed to herself as she stood in front of her bathroom mirror. A dizzying array of objects floated around her in the grip of her magic aura, brushing her mane, applying makeup, and filing her hooves.
She twisted her head upward, and a small vanity mirror floated up above her. Her eyes narrowed, and an eyeliner brush slowly floated up toward her face. A few quick swipes, and then the array of objects shifted again in a complex, dizzying orbit. The brush swept through her tail, and her lipstick floated up to her muzzle.
"Mwah!" Swan puckered her lips for the mirror, and then smiled. A crystal perfume vial floated in an arc backward over her head and body, misting her lightly with fragrance.
All at once, the various objects broke away from the mare. They landed on her bedroom counter and desk in neat rows, finally freed from the yellow glow of her magic. Swan Song turned her head to one side, then the other.
"Ready!" she chirped, turning to her saddlebags. A few objects floated from her desk into the leather pack in preparation for her day: a protection potion for if her date went poorly, and a very different kind of "protection" potion in case it went just right. Next came a pouch of bits. Considering that Havoc was actually a displaced primate polymorphed into an equine, it occurred to Swan that he might not have money to cover their date.
Also, she had to pick up more peanuts. She had displaced the ones she'd bought yesterday, somehow.
"All right, I think I'm all set..." Swan Song started to turn around, and then hesitated. She hadn't completely forgotten about Blood Rite, and she wondered if she should leave some sort of note or something to explain her absence in case the sorcerer needed her unexpectedly.
Swan shook her head. If she let Rite know about her date then he'd probably start complaining about her fraternizing with the enemy, or about how Havoc wasn't a real pony, or that this was some kind of security risk or something. All of which were true, so it was especially important that Rite didn't find out until Swan had already seduced their opponent to their side. Or at least worked something out where they could see each other in their free time while she helped take over Equestria. Whatever.
"Mister Rite will be fine. If he's completely inaccessible while finalizing our conquest of the country, then Havoc couldn't stop him even if I wanted him to!" Satisfied with her rationalization, Swan Song trotted toward the stairs, humming happily to herself the whole time.







"All right, Ranma, listen carefully. Trixie's plan is complete. It's completely foolproof, assuming you can follow Trixie's instructions."
Ranma and Trixie sat on the bed of their hotel room. Trixie was levitating a comb through Ranma's hair as she spoke, while a bright red sweatband and a pair of small metal disks sat on the blanket next to her hooves.
"The objective, obviously, is to get Swan Song to bring you back to Rite's hideout, or at least let slip some important information about where it might be. Understand?"
Ranma nodded. "No problem. I have lots of experience going on dates in order to get something out of someone!"
"Uh... that's... good," Trixie mumbled uncertainly. "Swan Song is clearly a bit of an airhead, and judging by how strongly she was coming on to you, is already pretty invested in this going smoothly. You should be able to skate by easily on the date itself. But just in case, Trixie has this!"
Trixie's magic scooped up the objects on the bed, bringing them up in front of Ranma.
"This coin is a magic voice transmitter. Trixie uses it for certain ventriloquist acts, because Trixie is a genius and Loose Lips’ voice-throwing classes are a total rip-off. With this, Trixie will be able to listen in on your date and give you instructions as necessary."
The sweatband stretched in the air, and then slipped over Ranma's forehead and went taut. The coin came next, sliding under the band beneath his ear.
Trixie turned around, and then held up the second coin in her hoof. "Testing, testing. One, two, three," she whispered.
Ranma's ears twitched as he heard the whispers clearly. "Cool! This is just like a spy movie! But in a fantasy movie!" Then he frowned. "In a sitcom..."
"Don't get all meta on Trixie. We need to focus. This could be our only chance at taking Blood Rite by surprise," the unicorn chided, turning back around. "Ideally, once you have the airhead wrapped around your hoof you should make a pitch for Rite to hire both of us as his lackeys so we get direct access to their base. Obviously, things might not go that smoothly. Not everypony can manage to land a job on a first date, and you're merely acting a mouthpiece for Trixie's impeccable wit and charm. But no matter what, you can't let Swan Song leave until we have our lead."
"So if things go bad, should I just knock her out and bring her here?" Ranma asked, his forehead creasing.
"Trixie would prefer that scenario be avoided, obviously. Assaulting and foalnapping one's date is generally frowned upon in Equestrian society, and you've been accused of enough crimes already," Trixie drawled. "But given that the future of the entire country might be at stake, that is an acceptable last resort."
"Got it."
"Good. Any questions?"
Before Ranma could speak, Spike interjected. "Yeah, I have one."
The two ponies turned toward the dragon, who was sitting on the floor on a pillow and watching them.
"Do you two always share the same bed? Ranma said you weren't special someponies. Isn't that weird?" Spike asked, his eyes narrowed.
Trixie scowled. "THAT'S your question? Your boss's life is in danger and the fate of the entire kingdom may be at stake, here! Don't waste Trixie's time with pointless gossip!"
"Fine, fine," Spike relented. "What am I supposed to do during all of this?"
"Trixie wants you to stay here and prepare to have Rite and Song arrested once Ranma manages to get a location," the magician explained. "This will be a little tricky, since we don't want Canterlot forces to arrive too soon and interrupt the date itself or zero in on Ranma rather than the rebels. That's been something of a problem in the past. So Trixie wants you to send a message to Princess Celestia saying that you may have a lead on Blood Rite's location and that you will provide further information as soon as you get it. That way Equestria is ready to move on Blood Rite immediately, but not until we have time to get clear."
Ranma frowned. "Why do we need to let them get involved at all? I can beat Swan and Blood on my own."
"Let's say that's true," Trixie countered, quirking an eyebrow, "what happens afterward?"
The pigtailed pony blinked. "I take the MacGuffin Stone and rescue Sparks, obviously."
"Uh huh. Light on details, but okay, fine. And then?"
Ranma blinked again. "... What do you mean? Then I win."
"Sure. You win. You beat the bad guys silly and then walk off, content that justice has been done." Trixie rolled her eyes. "Do you ever stop to consider what happens AFTER your little victories? Like our altercation with Mayor Hawke, or the guards in Saddlebrook? What happens when you knock somepony unconscious and then leave without resolving the actual problem?"
Ranma tilted his head to the side, thinking. After some twenty seconds, his eyes went wide.
"Oh, wow... A LOT of my life suddenly makes sense now," the martial artist mumbled, his ears flipping down.
"That's what Trixie thought. Rite doesn't just need to be defeated, he needs to be imprisoned, too," Trixie sniffed.


Spike considered his orders, scratching his chin. He had to admit that the strategy seemed solid, or at least as solid as a plan based on a villain's ridiculous crush could be. And he was certainly surprised and encouraged that he had a role besides being ignored or offered as a token of some sort.
"All right, I admit it. This is a decent plan," Spike said, crossing his arms over his chest.
Trixie smirked. "Of course it is! Trixie is a genius!"
"So can we go back to the bed now? Do you two sleep together all the time?"
Trixie's expression soured instantly. Ranma rolled his eyes.
"It's just convenient, that's all," Ranma said. "It's not like I'm going to try anything. I'm not even a pony, remember?"
Spike frowned. "Yeah... so? Why does that matter?"
"Could we NOT get sidetracked, please?" Trixie groused. "We have a mission to complete, here!"
"Right. I won't let you down!" Ranma said confidently, brushing his chest with a hoof. Although he was uneasy with this idea at first, hearing Trixie's strategy laid out had boosted his own confidence. "How long do we have?"
Trixie looked up at a wall clock. "About an hour until show time. Lizard, write out that first letter and send it. Then we'll head out early."
"Got it." Spike rushed up to the desk in the corner of the hotel room and unrolled one of the parchment scrolls waiting there.
"Make sure you don't let any unfortunate details slip either, like where we are or who you're with," Trixie reminded the dragon. "We don't know how much the Princess knows about what's happening here. If anypony panics, this could get very messy very quickly." She turned to Ranma. "Let's go. It's time we put those sorcerer scumbags in their place!"







Celestia paced across the length of her study, a thin frown marring her delicate features.
Her expression was, in fact, tightly restrained. If she were prone to wearing her emotions on her (metaphorical) sleeve, then she would have been standing in slack-jawed shock at what she had just heard. Her thoughts churned and her heart raced. Behind her mask of mild concern and disappointment, Celestia was as close to panic as she ever came outside of a direct, violent threat to her life.
Sitting near the entrance, Luna provided a studied contrast, both in terms of her mood and how openly she projected it. The Lunar Princess was utterly despondent, her head and ears sagging and her gaze pinned to the floor. Even her hair was unusually static, and the numerous points of light within the dark mane seemed dim and subdued.
Celestia suddenly stopped and turned toward her sister. "Just to confirm, the Lunar Guard have scoured the area around Coltson? They found nothing?"
Luna shook her head weakly, and avoided eye contact when she replied. "There has been but one night to search, and we have not yet begun combing the area during the day, but... you are correct. We have no leads at present." Her eyes darted up to meet Celestia's. "Sister... I am truly sorry. If-"
"Please, Luna," Celestia sighed sadly, "don't let your guilt consume you. You made a mistake, but you are not to blame. Your decisions were made with the best intentions." She paused. "Well, I assume so, anyway... why did you want to fight the stallion for the MacGuffin Stone, again?"
Luna grimaced. She had spared Celestia most of the details of her inconclusive duel with Ranma, as well as the "real" reason she had sought him out to begin with. "It is of no matter, Sister. A foolish challenge made in a fit of pique."
"One that Rite took full advantage of. Make no mistake, Luna; this is HIS crime, not yours," Celestia assured the Moon Princess. "Although I wish you had been more cautious, your effort to secure the MacGuffin Stone was made on behalf of Equestria." Then her eyebrow lifted slightly. "Although your quest to find this stallion in the first place might not have been so selfless."
Luna squirmed, her wings shifting uncomfortably over her back. "It is of no import anymore. We have much greater concerns," she insisted. "On that note... Sister, it is obvious that you know a great deal about the sorcerer Blood Rite. Yet you have told your advisors and even I almost nothing about him."
Celestia had her emotions under firm control, but Luna could detect a slight, sudden defensive shift in her sister's posture.
"I know only that he is an embittered student expelled from your school for unspecified reasons. I had assumed he was merely a weak-willed pony who was corrupted by the power and knowledge he was granted. I thought perhaps his grudge against you was based on your removal of him from your institution." She shook her head. "But I visited Blood Rite's dreams. He does not desire the conquest of others or the riches of the kingdom. I am not certain what his goal is, but it not a matter of simple malice. He wants peace... albeit a peace very different from that which we enjoy now."
"I don't know what his goals are," Celestia confirmed just a little too quickly.
"I don't doubt you," Luna replied, "but further information on the rebel may provide some useful context."


A long, uncomfortable pause settled between the Princesses. Celestia's thoughts churned some more. Luna waited calmly for her sister's decision, not daring to press any harder.
After several minutes, Princess Celestia released a miserable sigh and opened her mouth to speak.
She was interrupted, however, by a rolled-up scroll appearing in a flash of green fire.
"Oh, thank the Ancients," Celestia gasped, immediately grabbing the missive out of the air with her telekinesis.
"Hark! A message from Sparkle's assistant!" Luna announced, perking up instantly. "Perhaps it provides some clue to aid her rescue?"
"I dearly hope so," Celestia agreed, unrolling the parchment. That wasn't really why she had been so relieved to see it arrive, but Luna didn't need to know that.
"Dear Princess Celestia," Celestia began. "This is Spike writing you. I know that you instructed Twilight not to get involved with Blood Rite and Swan Song, but something has come up. I might be able to find out where the rebels are hiding out soon. I will contact you again when I have more information. Please don't send any help until then. We'll get him for sure! Sincerely, your Faithful Student's #1 Assistant."
Luna almost lit up with joy, her horn sparking furiously. "Ah hah! We will soon have our lead! I shall inform the Generals at once!"
"Wait," Celestia said, looking over the top of the paper, "Luna, you said you were traveling with Twilight when she was captured, right?"
"Aye."
"Was Spike with you two?"
"Aye."
"All the way to Coltson? Where Rite attacked?"
"Aye."
"And did you bring him back with you when you returned to Canterlot?"
"Nay."
The two Princesses stared at each other for a few seconds. Then Luna's ears flipped down again and she grimaced.
"Oops."
"Yes, 'oops' indeed," Celestia huffed. "You really must stop leaving guards and attendants behind when traveling. Night Scythe was bad enough, but at least he was a trained warrior. Spike is a child!" Luna started staring at the floor again, chastised. "Anyway, if you left him around Coltson, then he probably hasn't gotten far in a single day. And if he is alone and has found real evidence of the rebels' whereabouts, he's certainly in great danger. Despite his request to the contrary, we must send aid immediately."
"I can be there in an instant!" Luna volunteered, instantly changing posture again to invigorated and vengeful.
"No, Luna." Celestia shut her sister down immediately. "Let's not forget that these ponies have a special weapon that defeated Twilight easily. We don't know what they're capable of yet. We can't charge in blindly."
Luna frowned, clearly disappointed. "Then we are to cower here behind castle walls as the sorcerers go about their plans?"
"We will let the soldiers do their job," Celestia retorted, "and then, after they have reported back, we can determine the correct course of action. Our participation may be sorely needed, or this may be nothing more than a ruse to draw us out."
Luna pursed her lips, displeased, but eventually bowed her head. "As you say, then. My instincts have not served me well thus far against the rebel scoundrels."
"Let's go see General Firebrand," Celestia said, striding past her sister toward the door. "We'll have a small army in Coltson within the hour. If Blood Rite is still there..."
Her voice failed her, trailing off into a miserable sigh. Luna quirked an eyebrow at her sister, wondering if she should try to press her earlier request about the sorcerer again.
"... Let's just go. Time is of the essence," Celestia spat, rushing forward.







"The restaurant is just a few blocks down. Try to stay close to Trixie and hide your cutie mark; any random citizen could identify you just walking out in the open like this."
Ranma, Trixie, and Spike trotted down the street at a measured pace, trying to keep up some illusion of nonchalance in the hopes that they'd blend in with the other ponies out and about. Their efforts seemed obviously doomed, given that Trixie was wearing her ostentatious wizard cape and hat, and Spike was riding on her back. Suffice to say, the trio attracted stares from every pedestrian that caught sight of them, although Ranma actually stood out the least.
"Explain to me why Ranma isn't wearing your cape like before? We could at least cover his cutie mark!" Spike protested.
"Because he's going on a date, lizard! You can't wear something like this for a romantic occasion! Use your head!" the unicorn retorted, throwing out her cape with a leg. "Bad enough we needed the sweat band to hide the magic coin. There's only so much any self-respecting mare can be expected to put up with!" Spike rolled his eyes in response.
"Hey, before we do this, are there any tips you can give me?" Ranma asked, frowning. "Like I said, I've been on dates before, but that was with humans. And even then they were pretty awful. I don't know what to do on a pony date. Does it work the same way? What do we talk about?"
"Trixie will be covering you with the magic coin if you really need the help," Trixie assured him, "but Trixie isn't expecting too much difficulty. Just be yourself."
Ranma nodded silently.
"Granted, Trixie wouldn't give you that advice normally, since you're boorish, clueless, penniless, casually violent, and fundamentally not a pony at all. But that's the kind of stallion Swan Song fell for, for some reason, so you should stick to what works."
Ranma frowned at his companion. "Oh, come on. I'm not THAT bad."
"Trixie will admit that you can't really help being a penniless alien, but the rest still stands. Besides, it clearly doesn't bother Swan song anyway. No accounting for taste."
"Are you trying to boost his morale or crush it?" Spike quipped.
"Ranma's ego is nearly as thick and impervious as his skull. If he flubs this, it won't be for lack of confidence," the magician fired back.
Spike glanced over at Ranma, and then pointed to the back of Trixie's head incredulously.
"What? She's not wrong," the martial artist admitted.
Spike groaned, only to be promptly sushed by Trixie. "Quiet! There she is! Look! In the patio section!"





Ranma blinked once he spotted the emerald-colored mare. "Huh. She looks a little different. Is that makeup? You guys have makeup? She even did her hair up and everything."
"How nice. She got herself all dolled up for you," Trixie giggled behind a hoof, "it's unfortunate we couldn't get you a little more presentable to match, but it's not like you're counting on a second date."
"What's her cutie mark thing? Is that a dead bird? I've never seen her without a cloak on." Ranma narrowed his eyes at his date, trying to better assess the situation. Swan looked perfectly harmless sitting at a table and perusing a menu, just like any other unicorn that wasn't plotting the downfall and conquest of the local government. He was honestly a little impressed by her oblivious nonchalance, given that he was afraid of being spotted and ambushed by guards every time he walked down the street.
"It's still a little early. Let Trixie move in first and check out the restaurant," Trixie said, prompting Spike to hop off her back.
"The restaurant? What for?"
"To check for any bounty posters, of course." Trixie's marker slipped out of her hat, wrapped in a pink glow. "It wouldn't do to have your date ruined by a nosy waitress, now would it?"
"You really have thought of everything," Ranma mumbled.
"Of course! Now get ready to move in. Operation: Fowl Play is go!"







Swan Song put down her menu, taking a moment to scan the outdoor dining area of the Feedbag Cafe. It was a lovely day, perfectly temperate, with a salty breeze blowing in from the sea. Off on one side of the restaurant patio, a large dock stretched out to a vast inland sea, with numerous sailboats bobbing gently in the waves. In the middle of the dining patio was a large stone fountain boasting a stone chimera at the top; the beast was rearing up, its heads spread wide apart, and each one spat a long arc of water into the stone bowl at its base.
It was an excellent day and location for a date. From a strictly romantic perspective, at least. She was slightly concerned about the possibility of being attacked by Equestrian peacekeepers after recently abducting a Princess outside this very town, but Swan was determined not to let her status as a rebel insurgent ruin a perfectly good romantic outing if she could help it. If Trixie had been being at all honest in her offer the previous day, those goals weren't even mutually exclusive anymore! While there was definitely an aspect of this turn of events that seemed too good to be true, Swan Song was determined to bring the polymorphed primate to her side. Or at least her bedroom.
The unicorn barely stifled a naughty giggle when she saw the pigtailed pony walking through the gate. Havoc was early, though not as early as she was, and he cautiously scanned the surrounding area while he approached.
"Swan Song! Hi!" Ranma said a little too loudly. "It's a lovely day out, don't you think? Great choice of restaurant!"
Swan giggled again, holding a hoof to her muzzle. The martial artist was trying to project calm confidence, and failing rather obviously. "Thank you! I like to eat here sometimes when I make shopping trips into town. It has a great view of the harbor, and is out of the way of most of the guards' patrol routes."
Ranma forced a laugh while a droplet of sweat rolled down the side of his head. "That's good! Really smart! Fight the power! And look at this weather!"
Swan Song smiled broadly and pointed a hoof toward the seat opposite her. "Would you like to sit down, Havoc?"
Ranma finally realized that he had been standing rigidly next to his chair since he had arrived and started making small talk. "Yes! Good. Thank you." He coughed and slid into his seat opposite the unicorn.
"Smooth as silk, lover boy," came Trixie's voice in his ear.
It was all Ranma could do to keep from retorting to Trixie. Even so he noticeably flinched, and Swan cocked her head to the side.
"You don't need to be so nervous. I don't bite," Swan Song insisted.
"It's not really biting that makes you dangerous," Ranma mumbled. His pupils shifted upward, glancing at the tip of Swan's horn.
This time Swan laughed openly. "True! Although I can't imagine that impresses the pony who crushed a young dragonspawn with his bare hooves!"







"Okay, good small talk. Tension is evaporating. This is working."
Trixie sat behind a hedge adjacent to the restaurant, holding her magic coin up near her muzzle. She was positioned to Swan Song's back, and had her head turned just right so that any pedestrians passing by would assume she was watching the harbor rather than the dining area next to it.
It was a necessary precaution, since the magician and her tag-along were still attracting a fair amount of gawkers. Spike was far less subtle in his observation, crouched next to the hedge brush while spying on the couple.
"I STILL can't believe she actually showed up. I was seriously expecting this whole thing to be a waste of time. How gullible is she?" Spike grumbled.
Trixie turned her head away from the coin in her hoof. "Trixie told you. These villain types are really too easy. Once they catch sight of something they want, they forget about everything else. So simple!"
"Takes one to know one, I guess," the dragon retorted.
"You realize, of course, that if you start trying Trixie's nerves while Ranma is otherwise occupied, there will be nopony to save you when Trixie throws you into the sea."
"Yeah, yeah..."







"I don't want to complain, really. I love my job! Destroying the public order and undermining a kingdom for personal gain is very challenging and rewarding work," Swan insisted, pressing a hoof to her chest, "but it makes the dating game SO difficult. Really, you have no idea how many stallions think rebellion against the royal authority is some kind of deal-breaker. Picky!"
"Yeah, I can see how that might make it hard to make friends," Ranma mumbled. Occasionally his eyes would float down to the menu sitting open underneath him, but he made no serious effort to peruse the selection. He could only pick out a few words here and there, anyway.
"Granted, there are plenty of evil stallions, but the quality of guys on the Dark Side are pretty shabby," Swan sighed. "Mister Rite might be a catch if he was ten years younger, but aside from that, you know, he's my boss. Awkward. Plus, I'm pretty sure part of his lingering resentment for Princess Celestia is rooted in a subtle sexual attraction to her. Made his rejection and exile all the more painful, you know? Too much baggage."
Ranma blinked. "Uhm..." Before the pigtailed equine could really start unpacking that last statement, he was mercifully interrupted by the waiter.
"Hello, Sir and Madam. Have you had a chance to decide on your meal?" asked a stuffy-looking pegasus with a pad of paper and pen clutched in his wingtips.
"Yes. I'll have the lilac sub sandwich, and a small solar salad. Vinegar and balsamic for the dressing, please. Iced tea to drink." Swan's horn sparked, and her menu closed shut and shifted to the side.
"Very good. And you, Sir?" the waiter asked, turning toward Ranma.
Ranma stared down at the menu blankly.
"If you're worried about the money, don't be," Swan assured him, smirking. "I know you're not likely to have much cash on you. I'll cover it."
"I'll have two of what she's having," Ranma said immediately, pushing the menu to the side.
The pegasus arched an eyebrow, but dutifully wrote down the order. "Very good. Thank you." He swept up the menus with his wing and bowed his head slightly before turning and trotting away.


Ranma waited until the waiter was out of earshot and then cleared his throat. "So, uh, you were talking about Rite? What's his deal, anyway? I want to know what I'm getting into when I work for him."
"Oh, sure! Rite wants to establish a new political order across Equestria, fix the sun, and abolish the individual magical bonds of destiny that control equine-kind!"
Ranma's expression was blank. "That... sounds hard," he finally mumbled.
"I was thinking 'crazy,' but your word is more diplomatic," Trixie acknowledged from afar.
"He thinks big," Swan allowed, smirking, "and honestly, I think that last item is pretty much beyond fixing even with the MacGuffin Stone."
"So... fix the sun? What's that about, exactly?" Ranma asked.
"Okay, well, you know how the sun is controlled by Celestia, and the entire planet, by extension, is dependent on her willful benevolence?"
Ranma's eye twitched. "I've... heard that, yes."
"Told you," whispered Trixie.
"Obviously, dethroning the Princess when she's a vital component of the planet's routine life support function is kind of a bad call. So in order to complete the destruction of the royal class, we also need to alter the sun's geostationary patterns." Swan's voice took on a new, more serious tone, and she sat taller in her seat. "Many historians and scientists have wondered how it was that the sun was moved around the planet in ancient times. Today it's Celestia. Before her, it was a cabal of unicorns. But nopony can confirm what controlled it before then, or if life somehow flourished without the sun being controlled."
"Maybe the planet went around the sun, instead?" Ranma asked dryly.
"Yes! Exactly!" Swan seemed quite surprised and pleased by his response, and completely missed the sarcasm in his voice. "Stories passed down by the dragon clans suggest that the solar orbit wasn't always a subject of concern for the world's inhabitants! Additionally, many accomplished astronomers theorize that other solar systems actually form solar-centric orbital rings, with light and heat exposure determined by planetary spin! It's a remarkable system that would - in theory - require NO magical intervention and rely entirely on gravitational forces!"
"This mare is totally insane," Trixie quipped via her magic transmitter.
"That makes perfect sense to me," Ranma disagreed.
"I know, right?" Swan Song gushed, looking even more excited.
"Good call. We'll need to pretend to buy into this tripe if we're going to fool her," Trixie chimed in again.
While Ranma suppressed a frustrated sigh, Swan squirmed happily in her seat. "I have to say, I'm really surprised that you have an interest in theoretical geoplanetary physics. Do your people produce many scientists?"
"Oh, sure. Tons of them," Ranma confirmed. "Humans are way smarter than ponies in general, honestly."
"Really? What were your people like?" The sorceress ignored the implied insult, utterly fascinated.
"Lemme tell you, humans are just the best! Not that you guys are all bad, but there's no comparison. We're strong, smart, and we have pants. I really miss having pants." Then his eyes narrowed. "Speaking of which, any chance the MacGuffin Stone has coughed up my clothes yet? I had clothes before it captured me."
"Not that I'm aware of. Mister Rite has been performing a lot of intense research on the artifact recently, though. Maybe we'll get it eventually." Swan shrugged. "Tell me more about your people! Where do they live? Are there many more of these 'humans'?"
The pigtailed stallion grimaced. "Well, uh... about that..."







Trixie groaned as she lay in the grass, occasionally lifting her head up to peek over her cover. The coin acting as a magic transmitter lay on the ground next to her, carrying Ranma's long-winded story of his last memories of Japan.


"So then Gosunkugi revealed that HE was actually in charge the cult. Surprise, surprise. And I guess the MacGuffin Stone was the key to that."
"He wanted to wipe out his own species?"
"Yup. He was always kind of a jerk."
"I'm a self-identified evil villain and even I think planetary genocide is horribly and pointlessly cruel."
"Yeah, I think his parents didn't pay much attention to him growing up. The little guy had problems."


Trixie slapped a hoof against her face at the exchange, and then lowered her head close to the coin.
"Could we get back to a conversation that either reveals more of Rite's plans or gets you closer to his front door?" Trixie hissed into the magic item. "This retread of the death of everything you knew and loved isn't helping anything! Also, Trixie already heard it!"
Spike glared up at the showmare. "Well, I haven't, so can you quiet down? Ranma didn't manage to tell us everything before he left Ponyville."
"We only have so much time here!" Trixie insisted. "We can't afford to waste this opportunity!" She poked her head up again, and then clenched her teeth. "Drat! The food is already served! This date is half over!"
"What are you so worried about? Things are going really well over there," Spike crossed his arms over his chest. "Swan doesn't suspect a thing, and Ranma is reeling her in just fine. As far as I can tell, your plan is actually working without a hitch. I'm almost impressed, honestly."
Trixie gave the dragon an irritated glare. "Actually, you're right. That's why Trixie is worried."
"You're... WORRIED that your plan is working?" Spike asked incredulously.
"You haven't traveled with Ranma for very long. Trixie hasn't either, honestly, but picked up on the pattern very quickly," she explained. "There's going to be a problem. It's not a matter of if something bad happens, but when and how. Trixie is afraid that the longer it takes, the worse it will be."
"You're just being paranoid," Spike scoffed. "He's doing great. We've got this."







General Firebrand's body materialized in a circle of glittering flame. His eyes flashed a fierce orange, and a spiral of crackling fire surged around his horn. On the chest plate of his armor, a large ruby pulsed in time with his sorcerous energies.
At his hooves, circles of magical runes expanded over the ground. Lines of blazing red magic sizzled as they burned through the dirt, creating an expansive collection of runic patterns below the unicorn warrior.
The runic circle pulsed, as did a ruby clasp attached to Firebrand's golden breastplate.
Explosions of light bloomed over the ground outside of Coltson, expanding rapidly and then taking the form of armed and armored ponies. First a dozen, then fifty, and then a hundred. The flames seemed to blow further and further as each soldier burst into place, burning a path for another to emerge from the ether.
After some five minutes, the spell chain at last seemed to exhaust itself. The flames withered away, leaving behind long trails of smoke and some two hundred Equestrian Royal Guards.
Firebrand stood in place during the entire display, staring at the nearby town with a cold grimace. He didn't bother watching as his army materialized; his focus was entirely on the town itself. Likely patrol routes, hiding places, and prime targets for questioning and interrogation were all considered while he awaited the arrival of his soldiers.
Pedestrians who happened to be within sight of the main road watched with wide eyes, shocked at the sudden arrival of an army. Only the omnipresent badge of the Canterlot Royal Guard, an emblem of justice and authority all throughout Equestria, prevented the citizens from descending into complete panic.
"General Firebrand!" barked a Captain, galloping to the front. "All units are accounted for. We are prepared to move out on your order."
"Then let's move, ponies!" snapped the equine wizard. "Remember, we're looking for Princess Twilight Sparkle's pet dragon, Spike! But we have reason to believe the rebels may also be in the area! Stay vigilant, and remain in constant contact! GO!!"







"Hey, Song, can I ask you something?"
Swan Song looked up from her sandwich curiously, a few crumbs falling from her lips. She was about half-done with her meal, while Ranma's plates had been wiped clean long ago and now sat in a pile on the side of the table.
"Yes? What is it?"
Ranma paused briefly before speaking, wondering if what he was about to say was a departure from Trixie's plan. "Why are you doing this, really? What's with the whole evil sorceress gig? I just don't get it."
"Ranma, what are you doing?" asked Trixie through the magic coin.
Swan seemed perplexed by the question as well. "What's to get? I help Mister Rite unseat Celestia, I get to take down the self-righteous royal order and seize a cut of that sweet Canterlot loot for myself! Isn't that a good enough reason?"
"It's just... how to put this..." Ranma frowned. "I get that you don't care about other people. Believe me, I of all people can tell. But you've really thrown yourself into this evil minion thing, and I don't really get why."
Swan just seemed more confused, and Ranma pointed a hoof at her. "I mean, you seem really interested in my species and that science stuff about the planet. You have non-evil hobbies. You're actually pretty smart. And you're normal enough that you still want to just sit down and have a date with a guy even if there's a chance you might be spotted and arrested for it."
"Okay, seriously! Why are you off-script now? Are you ASKING her to doubt your motives?!" Trixie all but roared into his ear.
Nonetheless, the martial artist pushed forward. "So I don't understand why you'd want to rebel against the throne or unseat the Princess and stuff. It seems like you have a lot going for you already. Is Rite's plan so great that you'd risk your life for it? Why do you WANT to be evil? What's the deal?"
Swan idly dabbed her lips with a napkin, and then she stared up at the sky. For nearly a minute the mare was deep in thought, and while she mused the question Ranma considered ditching the sweat band around his head and the magic coin underneath it. Trixie was in a full rant now, demanding he move the conversation back to a more useful topic.
Finally, Swan lowered her gaze back to her date. "In a word, I have to say it's my destiny."
Ranma blinked. "Destiny? Seriously?"
"Yes. You might not understand, since you weren't born a pony," the sorceress began, "but all ponies have a true destiny. It's a part of us since we're born; it's in our hearts, in our names, and in our cutie marks."
Ranma glanced down at the mare's leg. "I would think your destiny has more to do with hunting or animal control, then."
Swan Song giggled, shifting in her seat to show off her mark. "Oh, it's more complex than that. The swan's song is the metaphorical last chance; the final, reckless effort upon which one's future is wagered." She ran a hoof across her thigh, fluttering her eyelids at her date. "I can't be satisfied with a simple life of academia or discipline. I can't stand all the rules, or the knowledge that tomorrow is probably going to bring more of the same. Stability, peace, harmony... it's just not my destiny."
She shifted back to sit normally. "I like Mister Rite's plan, but if it works it's not like I'll take some cozy job in the new regime and build a career of peaceful corruption or something. I have to push myself to my limits. I crave adventure and danger. But most of all I want POWER."
Swan's horn sparked, and Ranma jumped slightly as an electric tingle went up his spine. "I want the power to crush everypony who dares to slight me. I want other ponies to be TERRIFIED of my wrath. I want to go where I want, take what I want, and leave a trail of victims thanking me for letting them live. I want my picture decorating the halls of good and noble ponies as a tribute to fear, like the ancient villains of old." Her voice was much deeper now, and her eyes seemed to darken. "There are lots of ways to get power and riches and new experiences without victimizing ponies. Logically, they would probably be easier and more lucrative, too. But I just don't care. Something calls on me to trample those in my way instead. Where other ponies ask permission, I demand obedience. And the only ponies I respect are those who make their own rules and smash aside any who dare defy them."
"Come to think of it, that's probably what attracted me to you in the first place." The unicorn giggled, and her eyes and tone returned to normal. "So you see, it's just destiny. Nothing more to it, really."
"...... Oh," Ranma said weakly, wincing, "well, all right then... Just wondering."


Swan smiled again and then returned to eating. Ranma fell into a restless silence, wondering at the long and unnecessarily detailed response. He didn't really know what to expect when he'd asked the question, but the dark urges that seemed to drive Swan Song were quite disturbing.
Or, at least, they would have been if they hadn't been coming from a dolled-up green horse. She was just a little too cute for him to be afraid of.
"Hey! Are you done?" Trixie hissed into his ear. "You're lucky Song is so into you that she doesn't seem to wonder why you asked something like that! Once she's done eating you need to focus on getting a location out of her!"
Ranma nodded absently.
"Shouldn't be too hard. She needs to go home eventually, but you might have to... wait... hold on..."
Ranma frowned, and his eyes darted over to the hedge where Trixie was hiding.
"Oh, NO... You stupid lizard! I told you not to tell them where you were!"
Ranma almost jumped in his seat. That last statement from Trixie had not been a whisper, and it boomed in his ear much more loudly than before.
Swan Song looked up again. "Hmm? Did you say something?"
"I, uh, it's just..." Ranma started stuttering, clapping a hoof over the side of his head right over the magic coin.
"Then how did they find us? No, get your head down! They'll recognize you!"
Ranma grinned nervously while droplets of sweat formed on his brow. He couldn't tell whether Swan could hear Trixie's shouting right now, nor could he tell just what Trixie was so upset about.
"So! What's happening after this?" Ranma said loudly. "Are we going back to your secret hideout? I think we should go to your hideout!"
Swan blinked, a little surprised by the stallion's volume. Then she smirked and gave him a smoky, lidded stare. "I LIKE the sound of that. But we should probably just grab a hotel for tonight. Mister Rite isn't going to be available until tomorrow, so we can talk to him then."
Before Ranma could process that and think of a counter-argument, Trixie's voice reached his ears again.
"Oh, fireballs. There they go..."


"Hey! Over there! It's the rebels!"
Swan Song gasped, and her horn started to glow reflexively at the shout. Ranma's nerves were already on edge, so he simply turned his head around to check on the new reason to panic and see if it should be prioritized over the last one. Other ponies started mumbling and turning about in surprise, wondering what the commotion was about.
That commotion came in the form of eight armored pegasi flying in formation toward the patio, and another ten grounded soldier ponies charging through the streets. All of them with spears.
Yup. That's some high-priority panic, all right. I really, REALLY hate this government.
"Those are Royal Guard! Drat! Princess Luna must have sent them after we got Sparkle!" Swan growled.
"Um... yeah. That must be it," Ranma mumbled, tapping the sweatband under his ear, "no other explanation! Bummer."
Swan whipped her head to the side, and the ribbon that had been keeping her mane neat fell loose. "Curse you, you royal mules! I was about to score! I will NEVER FORGIVE YOU!"
The pegasus squad, who were leading the charge, hesitated as a corona of magical energy wrapped around their target's horn. Two of them reared back their weapons and hurled the spears through the air, hoping to disrupt the spell before Swan could finish.
Ranma kicked his chair up in the air with a single leg, and both spears embedded themselves in the seat, stopping them dead. As the chair fell back down, a chilling crackle came from Swan Song.
"FRY, turkeys!" Swan roared, her magic reaching its apex. "BLACK STORM!!"
Almost instantly, a large circle of dark blue flashed into place in the sky above, crackling with arcane power and rotating swiftly. The pegasi scattered immediately, their weather-tuned senses sending them into a terrified frenzy.


Ranma cringed as lightning bolts started flashing from the ring of magic, lancing through the pegasi and crashing against the ground. Cobblestones exploded underhoof, and the other restaurant patrons started screaming and fleeing the scene.
I sure hope defending Swan while she annihilates the Equestrian soldiers fits Trixie's plan, Ranma thought to himself. Granted, he was supposed to be pretending that he wanted to be a rebel too, but it seemed to him that fighting off Royal Guards was an ACTUAL act of lawless rebellion, not a ruse. He really wasn't sure whose cause he was harming more at this point.
"Flare beam!" A hot ray of fire zipped past him, warming his flank and blasting apart the formation of earth ponies and unicorns approaching on foot.
Should I be helping more? Just keep it defensive? Really at a loss, here.
"Die, traitor!" snarled a pegasus mare, plunging her spear toward Ranma's head.
The martial artist twisted around the spearhead, letting it pass, and then bit onto the shaft to seize it. This added extra some extra leverage to the following kick that sent the equine soldier spinning through the air with a deep dent in her breastplate.
"Still don't know how these guys hold stuff with their hooves," Ranma mumbled after spitting out the weapon.
A fireball screamed past him, and he winced again as the side of the restaurant exploded into flames. Bits of burning debris flew through the air into the streets, and those soldier ponies covering from the magic attacks started to withdraw while dragging away wounded comrades or shouting for reinforcements.
"Havoc! We have to go! I'm sure there's more where that came from!" Swan Song shouted. The sorceress was standing atop their table, her horn ablaze with magic power. Her long chestnut mane whipped about in an ethereal wind, and her eyes seemed to pulse with otherwordly energy.
Her horn fired a spread of small fireballs, barraging the street adjacent to the restaurant at random. The projectiles didn't hit any of the fleeing enemies, although it did create more hazardous obstacles and poured more obscuring smoke into the air.
Then Swan jumped down onto the ground. "Follow me! It looks like we're going back to my place after all!"
Ranma perked up at that. "Oh, cool!" Then he pointed to the remains of Swan's sandwich. "You gonna finish that?"
She hesitated, surprised. "Of course not. We don't have time!"
Ranma reached over and took the half-sub in his mouth. Then he kicked the entire table over onto its side.
An incoming volley of magic missiles slammed into the table surface, blasting it to splinters before it could reach the two ponies standing behind it. Swan flinched away from the shrapnel, while Ranma calmly scarfed down the last bits of their meal.
"Waste not, want not," the martial artist said, licking his lips. "Lead the way."


Swan Song bolted, deciding not to question her date. His casually superequine fighting ability was one of the things she liked best about him, after all. The fugitives galloped past the harbor and onto a side street, and Swan turned sharply to head into an alley.
"Chill touch!" she shouted, her horn sparking again. After a few seconds, her magic leeched down her legs and seeped into her hooves. After that, each step she took left a patch of ice spreading over the ground. "This should trip them up a little!" Swan grunted, turning to face Ranma. "I'm really sorry about this, by the way! I should have picked a less exposed venue for our date! I wasn't expecting the actual army to show up!"
"Eh, it's fine," Ranma replied with a shrug. "Honestly, this is more or less how all my dates go."
Several surprised shouts came from behind them, followed by the sound of trash cans being knocked over.
"So, where are we going, exactly?" Ranma asked. "Is this place in the city? Or, like, in the sewers or something?"
"No! It's very far from here, actually! Mister Rite lives in a tower in the Flamehearst!" Swan Song answered.
Ranma, of course, had no clue what that was, and issued a sigh.
"What was that?" Trixie suddenly asked, her voice whispering in his ear. "Something about Flamehearst?"
"Trix!" Ranma shouted, immediately perking up.
Swan Song stumbled, almost falling over in surprise. "What?"
"Uh... What about... about Trix?" Ranma asked, trying to cover for his error. "She's joining up too, you know?"
"Pff! Forget about her!" Swan scoffed. "Like I said, we don't need any weak, talentless nobodies in our revolution. I don't know if you two were together or what, but trust me, you can do WAY better, Havoc."
"Trixie's second-greatest regret about this plan is that she may not be able to see Swan's expression when she realizes this was all a trap," Trixie sighed. "Trixie's GREATEST regret, incidentally, is that she didn't keep the idiot lizard out of this entirely. It seems it was his stupid letter that drew a whole freaking army here."
Ranma had to bite his tongue to keep from asking questions. Swan turned another corner, and he jumped up and rebounded off the wall before landing next to her again.
"He was spotted by one of the soldiers, who were apparently looking for him. Luckily Trixie managed to slip away with the other pedestrians fleeing the magical destruction. The lizard will be fine, but this plan is probably a wash thanks to him. I doubt you're going to get invited straight into the bad guys' lair after this mess."
Ranma turned toward Swan Song. "So, just to be clear, you're saying that Trixie can't come with us to Rite's evil wizard tower, which is where we're going right now in order to escape the pony soldiers?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying!" the sorceress replied. They burst out of the alley, and she leapt over a short stone wall that marked the boundary of Coltson. Ranma followed after her, and they raced off into the woods surrounding the town.
"...... Okay, then. It seems Trixie's genius has exceeded even Trixie's expectations!" the magician said. "Now Trixie just needs to figure out where you are..."
A brilliant flash of light came from deep within the forest, and a veritable pillar of flames burst up above the treetops.
"Okay, never mind. Trixie has a bearing. As does every pony soldier in the city. Mixed blessing."
The next thing Ranma knew, the ground start opening up and vomiting fire.


The pigtailed pony immediately pushed Swan Song away in mid-stride, and both of them sprawled to the side just in time. A seething, flaming fault line ran through the dirt between them, booming in their ears and blasting the fugitives with waves of heat.
Once the roaring stopped, however, the two were barely singed. Ranma hopped upright, his eyes narrowed at a shadow slowly approaching through the trees.
Swan Song was a bit more shaken from the near-dodge, and she trembled as she pushed herself back up. "By the way, if we survive this, you are SO laid," she said with complete seriousness.
The martial artist wasn't paying attention. Standing between the trees on the edge of the forest stood an ivory-white unicorn stallion. His beard and mane was a wavy, fiery red, and he wore a robe with a peytral around his chest. The peytral seemed to be made of embossed gold, and a shining ruby pulsed in the center of it.
"Havoc. Swan Song," the stallion began, "my name is General Firebrand. With the authority vested in me by the royal house of Canterlot, I declare you two under arrest."
A small cyclone of fire swirled around his horn. "Surrender at once or you will be harmed."
Swan Song did not seem impressed. "Bring the pain if you got it, Celestial stooge." Her horn crackled in response. "Fireball!"


Ranma watched carefully as a hefty orange orb vaulted toward their new opponent. Firebrand's expression didn't budge, and neither did he while the projectile approached. A flickering blue glow came from the tip of his horn, however. The gem on his peytral glowed in sympathy, and then the magic glow turned from blue to fiery red.
Just before impact, Firebrand vanished into a burst of cinders. The fireball passed through the spot he was standing, eventually striking a tree and blasting it apart.
"Tch! Some kind of custom teleport!" Swan groused. "Come on! We have to keep going! He's probably trying to hold us up until his soldiers catch up!"
"Yeah, actually, she might be wrong about that," Trixie advised from afar. "Trixie is seeing a lot of the guards regrouping in the streets and spreading out along the town perimeter. It looks to Trixie like they're trying to keep you from coming back, not chasing after you."


Ranma and Swan raced into the woods, each of them glancing about for any sign of the General. Ranma sensed the spark of magic first, feeling a tingle crawl up his spine while the distant hiss of igniting air reached his ears.
Again Ranma pushed Swan Song to the ground and rolled away in the opposite direction. A trio of flaming swords zipped through the air and stabbed into the ground in their path, barely missing the equine fugitives.
Swan issued no complaints, quickly jumping back to her hooves. "Five o'clock! Low arc! He's in the trees!" A whip of lightning flashed from her horn, and she whirled around on the spot.
Firebrand was standing on a thick tree branch some twenty feet away, but once again he vanished into a small cloud of embers before Swan's spell reached him.
Ranma snapped his head to the other side, hearing a fizzling sound like a match striking. The unicorn soldier appeared in front of him, his robes settling upon the currents of heated air.
"I would much prefer you two to be taken alive. Although treason is a severe offense, worthy of execution, we still have to find your master," Firebrand said, his tone conversational.
"Treason? Oh, come on! I'm not committing treason! I'm not even a citizen!" Ranma complained.
"A pony who isn't a citizen? Strange. We'll have to sort that out once you're in prison," Firebrand acknowledged.
He suddenly glanced to the side, and then he disappeared again, right before a trio of magic force bolts flew through the spot where he had been standing.
"Oh, hay! That's a really good teleport spell!" Swan Song complained, circling around. Her head swung back and forth, trying to spot the equine General before he could launch another ambush. "If we could just pin him down long enough to get a hit in..."
"Why do we even need to fight this guy? Can't we just run away to your place?" Ranma asked. "He can't track us that far, can he?"
"You don't understand! The access point is a teleport nexus! Any unicorn can use it if they know the password! If he tracks us, he could lead the entire Equestrian army to Mister Rite!" Swan protested.
"Oh HO! Trixie likes where this is going!" Trixie chirped into Ranma's ear. "All right, Ranma, it's go time. I think I see where you're fighting up ahead..."
Ranma leapt to the side just before a thick lance of spiraling flame could strike him. The magic beam ripped a burning trench through the ground, running across the forest floor and turning half a dozen trees into huge torches.
"Okay, yeah. I see you, all right. This Firebrand guy isn't much for subtlety."
Ranma turned around, only for the unicorn stallion to vanish again in a burst of flickering sparks. Swan Song growled as her horn pulsed; she hadn't even gotten to cast her spell that time.
"Anyway," Trixie continued, "you're going to have to stop the General. Even if he manages to capture Swan rather than blowing her to bits, there's no way they'll get her to squeal before Rite figures out something is wrong and takes countermeasures. Trixie's plan is still our best chance for victory, and obviously you can't just explain it to the dope."
Swan Song's horn pulsed even brighter, and she started launching volleys of ice arrows into the forest in seemingly random directions. "Come out and face me, you coward! Stop running! I'm going to send you back to your Princess in a funeral urn!"
"It's regrettable that you again have to fight Equestrian soldiers, but Trixie kind of saw this coming. Ranma, take him down."


Ranma twisted his head about, spotting another flaming blade arcing through the air toward him. He did not dodge this time, but raised a foreleg instead.
His hoof crashed against the magic sword in a flare of blue that mixed brilliantly with the crimson flames. The blade shattered, its pieces scattering away on a wave of dark smoke.
Firebrand, who was again standing atop a tree branch above his targets, quirked an eyebrow. "Well. That's new."
"Hey, Song. You have any spells this guy can't dodge?" Ranma asked, his eyes still fixed on the other stallion.
"A few. All of those aren't likely to work on another sorcerer, though. They have defenses against enemy spells," Swan groused as she stepped up next to the martial artist. "Especially with all those magic trinkets he's decked out in! Your tax bits at work, right? Yeesh!"
Swan's horn lit up again. Firebrand's followed suit.
The heat would make for an easy hiryuu shoten haa, but Swan would probably get sucked up too. Mouka takabisha isn't going to work any better than a fireball. I don't think I have a technique for this, so I'm going to have to play it smart.
Firebrand glanced off to the side. His horn flashed blue, and then, in time with the ruby on his chest, pulsed a bright crimson. Then the General teleported away again. Swan growled incoherently at seeing their foe slip away, but Ranma's eyes narrowed.
"Okay, I think I know what this guy's game is. I just need one clean hit on him," Ranma explained.
"Great!" Swan chirped. Then she hesitated. "So, how do we do that?"
"Don't you have a spell to help?"
"Well, let me think..."
Swan Song didn't get much time to think before Ranma pushed her to the ground again, pinning the unicorn flat. A trio of flaming arrows screamed overhead, eventually detonating against the surrounding trees.
"Keep moving!" the martial artist commanded, jumping up and facing toward the source of the projectiles. Firebrand simply vanished again, a slight smirk on his bearded face.
"Have the airhead start blowing up the place," Trixie advised. "Fast as you are, you're going to have a hard time getting to him when he can teleport quickly. Reducing visibility and distracting him is your best bet."
"Got it!" Ranma shouted.
"What?" Swan stumbled upright, a bit bewildered by the pace of the battle.
"Starting using your biggest spells! Tear the forest apart if you have to!"
"My biggest spells will be the easiest ones for him to see coming and dodge, though," Swan pointed out.
"That's fine! Just don't let up!"


Swan shrugged and broke into a run, spotting a light flare off to her left side. She didn't understand Ranma's strategy, but she didn't have any better ideas. And she rarely needed a lot of encouragement to start tossing explosion around in the first place.
"Flare beam!" A screaming ray of fire shot out from her horn, sweeping across a sector of the forest. Firebrand teleported away again, leaving behind a trio of trees that slowly teetered over and collapsed from having their trunks burned away.
"Good! Keep at it!" Ranma shouted, glancing behind him. "There he is!"
Firebrand cast another spell, the ruby in his breastplate pulsing. More flaming swords burst into existence and chased after the martial artist, briefly turning the General's attention from his other target.
"Volt crash!" Swan screamed, launching a crackling yellow bubble from her horn.
Firebrand glanced upward, and then flashed away again. The electric bomb arced down toward his last location, and Swan quickly pinned her ears down in preparation.
The spell hit, and Ranma shuddered from the rumbling thunderclap that rolled through the forest. Then he was moving again, darting over the underbrush and dashing around trees.
"Behind you!" Ranma shouted, jumping up into the branches of a tree.
Firebrand looked over at Ranma briefly, grimacing. Swan was already rounding on him, her next spell winding up.
"You are growing tiresome, Mister Havoc," the General sighed before he was whisked away in a puff of fire.
Another explosive spell ripped through the spot where the stallion had stood. Another two trees teetered over, and then crashed into the ground and kicked up clouds of dust and leaves. Swan rushed toward the devastation, squinting her eyes and leaping over the smoldering debris.
Swan Song's gaze darted left and right as she sprinted past the shroud, searching for any sign of her foe. The cover in the forest was thick, even before taking into account the extra debris her exertions were causing. There were plenty of firing angles for a clever unicorn to exploit, especially since Firebrand was clearly more the hit-and-run sort rather than a magical artillery piece like she was.
"Stupid sneaky mule," the sorceress grumbled in-between breaths. "And a pyromantic elemental focus, too? What the hay? That is NOT a subtle spell class! Didn't they teach you anything about min/maxing in your graduate studies?"
"No, they didn't," replied a voice from the side. "You would know that if you had actually attended all your classes."
Swan Song swung her head around, her horn already crackling. A lash of blazing lightning surged from her forehead, ripping through a line of trees one by one. Trunks and branches were blasted apart into ashen ruins, but when the beam of destruction crossed Firebrand's position, he had already vanished from sight.
"GRRRR!! Stop it! Stop running!" Swan screamed.
"You were always such a problem student. Though not for lack of study or mastery," Firebrand sighed, standing behind his foe. "Many of us thought you were too dangerous for the school to keep. I certainly did. An influential minority thought your impressive potential could be harnessed; that you could be controlled. It brought me no pleasure to see the dissenters proven wrong."
Swan turned around while the General spoke, but when she tried to use her next spell the glow around her horn flickered weakly. She stopped dead and sucked in a breath through her teeth. She had been firing her magic spells with such reckless abandon that she had all but drained her energy reserves. The magic would replenish quickly - such was her level of power - but a mere ten seconds with no spell available could mean life or death in a battle between sorcerers.
Clearly, Firebrand likewise understood her predicament. Chances were he had been waiting for this exact situation. His horn flashed, and the General stamped a hoof onto the ground.
Swan was already running by then, trying to get enough speed to dodge away, but the pony soldier had already gauged her escape route. The ground next to Swan exploded, blasting a jet of fire into the air and smashing her aside with a powerful shock wave. The sorceress hit the ground painfully, skidding along the dirt until she hit a tree.
"Now, then," the soldier mumbled, turning his gaze to the side, "where did that Havoc stallion run off to?"


His answer came in the form of a thin scratching noise behind him; a scrape of hoof against rough bark so gentle as to be lost in the rustle of disturbed leaves.
Firebrand didn't even have time to blink before Ranma's hoof smashed into his cheek. A wave of glowing red pulsed over his skin as his passive magic barrier fell, and the unicorn reeled in pain. He hit the ground on his side, and then swiftly kicked himself upright again.
Ranma waited for the bearded soldier to stand up, smirking.
"It's not a simple feat to sneak up on me, Havoc. You're quite formidable," Firebrand growled, brushing the side of his mouth with his leg. A streak of blood discolored his fur when he put his hoof back down. "But you failed to press your advantage when you had the chance. I underestimated you, but you won't get away with doing the same to me."
With a dark glare, Firebrand's horn flashed to life.
A few seconds passed. Nothing happened. The General's eyes widened in surprise.
Firebrand looked down at his chest, and a chill ran down his spine when he saw that the socket for his magic ruby was empty. "You... You thief! When did you..." He started backing away, a bead of sweat dripping down from his mane.
Ranma grinned and stuck out his tongue, revealing the gem. Then he spat it out onto an upraised hoof. "Figured this was important. Now why don't you run along back home? I have a date to wrap up."
Firebrand pursed his lips, and the focus of his magic changed. A shroud of blue energy surrounded the magic ruby.
Ranma just snorted. "Don't think for a second that the gem will get to you before my fist does. Er... hoof does, I mean."
"Oh, not at all," the unicorn replied, "that's not what this spell does."
The ruby flashed red, and Ranma tensed as tingling sensation shot up his spine.
Then a bubble appeared around him.
"What? What is this?" the martial artist demanded, twisting his head back and forth. The membrane of the bubble was almost perfectly clear, and it seemed to stretch flat across the ground beneath his hooves. After a moment, the bubble rose off of the ground and into the air, carrying him upward.
Firebrand stared. "That... is also not what that spell does," he admitted, furrowing his brow. "... Strange."
Ranma pressed a hoof against the bubble and pushed, only for the surface to stretch like rubber. "Stupid magic allergy! Let me out of here!" The magic sphere kept floating further upward, to his growing alarm. He didn't know what the ruby's original spell had intended to do, but he had a nagging feeling he would have preferred it to this result.
Firebrand took a few more seconds to silently observe his opponent, and then shrugged. "Well, all right. If you insist. I do need to get the Alchemist's Heart back, anyway." His horn flashed brightly, and another trio of flaming swords flickered into being around his head.
Ranma grimaced and started kicking harder at the bubble around him, but to no avail. The membrane easily stretched to accommodate his blows, and the exertion only slightly budged its path up through the air.
"I do hope you survive this," General Firebrand said solemnly while the swords tilted upward toward his opponent, "I have so many questions to-"
"Volt crash!" snarled a voice off from the side.


Firebrand instantly tried to teleport away; a reflex borne of long practice and studied tactics. That reflex, sadly, was useless without his empowering gem. His horn flashed, then sputtered, and the unicorn's eyes went wide.
By the time he started moving, it was too late. A crackling sphere landed just next to his hoof, and the unicorn was blasted into the air by a devastating shock wave. Lightning arcs slashed across his flank, again breaching the passive magic barriers provided by his armor. The General was thrown hard into a tree, and he gasped in agony before sliding to the ground while smoke rolled off of his scorched fur.
Ranma's bubble rolled lazily to one side, mildly disturbed from the explosion. The pigtailed stallion turned around unsteadily, and he was not terribly surprised to see Swan Song standing up again and looking peeved. "Hey, Swan! A little help?"
She glanced up at him, and her horn flashed. "Winter lance!"
Ranma flinched away before a glowing blue icicle shot from the unicorn's head and pierced the edge of his prison. The rubbery membrane popped in an instant, and he landed lightly on the forest floor.
"Now, then," Swan growled, pausing to brush her muzzle with her leg. "It's time to finish this!" Ranma's fur stood on end as the mare's horn started charging up again.
"Okay, so, I don't know exactly what's happening over there since I'm just listening in," Trixie advised Ranma, "but if the airhead tries to kill the big important General, you should probably stop her."
Ranma gulped, his mind and heart racing. How do I do that? What do I say? I can't fight Swan now! I just beat down this guy in order to convince her I'm on her side!
Swan Song's charge reached its apex, and a quivering orb of power appeared on the tip of her horn.
Ranma panicked. No more time! Think later, act now!
Swan Song opened her mouth, ready to execute the fallen soldier.
Then she suddenly found Ranma's mouth smashed into hers.
"Hmmmph!" Swan's eyes widened, and the pulse of deadly energy shot out of her horn and blasted upward. After a few seconds she closed her eyes, leaning blissfully into the unexpected kiss. Several scorched branches tumbled onto the ground ahead of her, but they went unnoticed.
He's kissing me! He's actually kissing me! This is going so well I can't believe it I am going to ROCK this pony tonight! Swan exulted in her head. He is SO hot for me! Yes! Yes, yes, YES!!
I can't believe I'm kissing a horse. How the hell has my life come to this? Ranma complained internally, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. Oh God! Her tongue! She’s using her tongue! This is getting too weird! Disengage! DISENGAGE!!
The pigtailed stallion broke off the kiss suddenly, gasping. His first instinct was to start coughing and cleaning his mouth, but Ranma managed to plaster a stiff smile on his face instead. "You saved me! Thank you SO MUCH, Swan!"
"Oh, no problem!" Swan chirped. Then she lunged forward, lips puckered, in order to continue where they had left off.
Ranma caught her chest against his hoof, gently holding her just short of lip-lock. "Actually, I was thinking we should get going right away before more troops show up."
"Oh. Oh, right! We are kind of in a hurry, aren't we?" Swan quickly turned away, although she still held a goofy grin on her face. "Follow me, Havoc! We have a LOT to do when we get back!"
Ranma made a silent gagging expression before trotting after the sorceress. He paused only a moment, in order to glance back at General Firebrand.
The stallion was still lying on his side, smoldering but obviously alive. His eyes were open, too, watching silently while his opponents fled the field.
Ranma sighed and ran after Swan Song. Mission accomplished, I guess. Great...


General Firebrand waited for the sound of hooves to fade into the distance, and then waited for several seconds more. Once he was fairly sure his enemies were completely out of earshot, his horn began to glow again. The magical weaves formed a communication spell, and the visage of his subordinate captains appeared in his mind's eye.
"All units, converge due North on my position. The enemy is attempting to flee the field, and I have been incapacitated."
While the General spoke, a large-ish tree branch lying next to him quietly rose off the ground, surrounded by a pink aura of magic.
"We don't have much time. I need all pegasus units to GURK!"
The tree branch smashed into the back of his head, eliciting a sharp gasp of pain before the General was finally rendered unconscious. His spell broke instantly, cutting off the various Captains before they could ask any questions or figure out what had happened.
Trixie crept out from a cluster of bushes, carefully checking on the General to make sure he was unconscious. "Naturally, Trixie even has to take care of this part herself," the entertainer huffed before she passed on by. The coin she used to transmit her voice floated next to her, ensuring that Ranma didn't miss any of her complaints. "Seriously, if Trixie could magically switch genders like you do, Trixie would have been better off leaving everypony else behind and just doing this all herself!"
The magician galloped into the woods, spotting the tracks from Swan Song. Ranma's trail was nearly undetectable, somehow, but luckily the sorceress didn't possess a fraction of his skill at stealth.
"Although if Trixie is being honest, Trixie wishes that the lizard hadn't been taken earlier. Then Trixie could dump him now, so that he could explain things to the General when he wakes up. Maybe that will happen anyway? He'd better try! Trixie does NOT want this fiasco to end with another set of criminal charges!"







"Okay, so let me try to explain this again: The pony you know as 'Havoc' is not actually a rebel. He is not working for Blood Rite. In fact, he HATES Blood Rite, and has been trying to help us."
Spike paused, allowing that set of assertions to sink in. The dozen pony soldiers standing in a ring around him simply stared down at him blankly, as if he was speaking another language.
"Kid, no offense, but if I have to choose between the legitimacy of the bounty office's charges or the protests of Princess Sparkle's pet dragon, I'm going to have to side with the office," explained one guard. "It's not like they go putting money on ponies' heads for no reason."
"I... I don't really know what their problem is with Ran-er, I mean, Havoc," Spike continued. "But I'm serious! This is all a huge misunderstanding! I've talked to him! He's on our side!"
"Seems to me that a rebel fighter could always TELL someone that they're on their side in order to avoid getting caught," drawled a different soldier.
Spike smacked a claw against his face. "No! You don't get it! I knew him even before that! The whole reason I'm even here is because Twilight Sparkle wanted to find him!"
"To defeat him and remove a grave threat to the country?"
"No! In order to..." Spike trailed off, failing to come up with a brief explanation of Luna's quest and recruitment of Twilight. "Look, it's complicated, all right? But Twilight wanted to find Havoc in order to get information on Blood Rite!"
Another soldier frowned. "And why would Havoc know anything about Rite if he wasn't part of the rebellion?"
"Because... well, I'm not completely sure. He only mentioned Rite in passing. I guess he fought them before? We didn't actually know there WAS a rebellion at that point," Spike admitted. "But what I'm saying is Havoc is definitely against them! He was only with Swan Song to try to infiltrate the enemy base!"
The soldiers looked skeptical. One of them, a unicorn Captain, tilted his head to the side thoughtfully.
"So, let me get this straight," he began, untilting his head. "You meet an unknown pony out of nowhere with some connection to a dangerous outcast. Princess Twilight Sparkle then tracks him down on the basis of this connection, leaving her friends and protectors behind. As a result, she is ambushed and captured. And now this pony is dallying openly with the rebels, and says it's part of some 'plan' to trick them. A plan that is SO IMPORTANT, apparently, that he's willing to harm Equestrian soldiers to maintain his ploy."
Spike winced progressively harder as the Captain spoke, and then heaved a sigh. "Yes. That's basically what's happening, here. I know it looks bad, but it's the truth!"
"I'm sure you think so, citizen," the Captain drawled, "but our orders have the backing of the entire Equestrian military and government intelligence behind it. I'm confident their assessment of the situation is accurate."
Spike clenched his fists, wracking his brain to think of a persuasive argument. The only detail he had left out so far was that the plan to join the rebels as a ruse came from Trixie. It was a strategic omission, since he didn't really want the magician to be caught up in this any more than she already was; as long as neither the authorities or the rebels thought Trixie was worth their time, then she could leave at any point and nopony would have to deal with her anymore. Although the idea of having Trixie dragged away and interrogated had a certain amount of vengeful appeal to the young dragon, he really didn't want to risk ruining the plan any further or have the magician punished for her earnest effort to help capture Blood Rite.
Would they even believe me if I brought her up? Would they believe HER? Trixie has a criminal record too, doesn't she? No. The only pony who can vindicate Ranma is Princess Luna or, if this works, Twilight herself.
"Okay, fine. You don't believe me," Spike huffed.
"I believe that you believe your story," the Captain corrected, "but your information was fed to you by a wily outlaw working under a criminal mastermind."
"And YOUR information is just wrong!" Spike countered. "Just ask Princess Luna! The story about Havoc attacking her is all wrong! He SAVED her!"
"I'll keep that in mind..." the Captain trailed off, suddenly distracted. His eyes dilated, and he tilted his head upward, as if staring at something in the sky.


Spike didn't know what was going on until a different soldier mumbled an explanation. "Must be a communication from General Firebrand. Wonder how much of the rebels are left to interrogate." A round of chuckles came from the other Guards, and Spike felt his stomach turn inside-out.
When the Captain snapped out of his daze, his expression was frantic. "General Firebrand is down! I repeat, the General is DOWN!"
A round of shocked gasps came from the pony soldiers. Spike's mood brightened instantly.
For a second, at least.
"Impossible! What kind of monsters are these ponies?"
"That mule! This Havoc wretch is going to pay!"
"Let's put down those filthy traitors!"
Spike winced again. "Um, guys? Don't you think-"
The Captain cut him off, shouting to his men. "Pegasi, sweep North and locate the General at once! I want Crimson Squad ready to get him out of there to receive proper treatment immediately! His life may be in danger!"
"Sir!" barked numerous ponies. A moment later the pegasi leapt into the air, bolting from the area in a flurry of loose feathers. Several unicorns galloped after them, winding through the city streets.
"Iron Squad, fall back to the local Guard barracks with the mission objective. He is not permitted to leave until a Princess says so!"
Spike grunted as he was picked up off the ground and then dropped onto a different soldier's back. "So now I'm a 'mission objective,' huh? Better than being a hostage, I guess," the young dragon mumbled.
"Wait, so you WERE being held hostage by this Havoc guy?" the soldier asked.
"Knock it off and get moving, would you?" Spike sighed.







Swan Song gently crept through the brush, slowly scanning back and forth constantly. Her ears stood straight up, and her senses balanced on a razor's edge to detect any sign of intruders or pursuers.
Given that, she still had to continually glance over her shoulder to make sure Ranma was still following her. She had been surprised before at the martial artist's ability to creep up on her and Rite without notice, but actually traveling with him put his casual stealth into stark relief. Ranma made no sound as he followed her path through the woods, and she wouldn't be surprised if he didn't add so much as a speck of dirt to her own trail.
"Okay, I think we're clear. Havoc, do you sense anypony?" the sorceress said, stepping into a circular clearing.
Ranma tilted his head to the side. "Nope."
Unfortunately, he was telling the truth. Trixie was keeping her distance to avoid being spotted, and was definitely out of sight of them. Which was fine for keeping her cover, but might mean she would miss wherever they were headed. Ranma didn't think he'd need Trixie's help to deal with the sorcerers, but he'd definitely rather have her shadowing them than not.
Swan walked up to one of the trees ringing the clearing. It didn't seem substantially different from any of the others, but then the sorceress placed a hoof against its trunk. A shimmering white aura flashed around the tree, and in an instant it was replaced by a tall, stone column. Runic symbols were carved all over the surface, and several of them pulsed with magical energy in what seemed to Ranma to be a random pattern.
"Okay, is this it? This tree that's actually a magic rock thing?" Ranma asked. "I just want to be clear how this works, in case I need to use it on my own."
Swan took her hoof down, shaking her head. "You can't use it on your own, I'm afraid. It takes a unicorn's magic to activate the warp lodestone."
"Right, right. You said that before," Ranma mumbled, rubbing his chin with a hoof. "But if I WAS a unicorn, how exactly would this work?"
The mare paused, looking confused. "Well... I suppose you DID turn into a pegasus before. Somehow becoming a unicorn isn't completely outside the realm of possibility."
"Yes. That is exactly why I asked." Ranma's eyes darted back and forth. "So you should tell me before we leave."
"Right. So the warp lodestone is part of a teleport web that Mister Rite built to move quickly across vast distances. His own personal teleport is powerful, but still only good for several miles at a time." She raised her hoof again, and then pointed to a specific ring of the lodestone. "After dispelling the illusion barrier, a unicorn just has to power the ring indicating where they want to go, and then speak the password. In this case it's this one."
"So, your base is the one with the little fire above an eye in the front?" Ranma said, speaking very deliberately and clearly.
"Yes, exactly!"
A snort came from the magic item next to Ranma's ear. "Okay, Ranma, you can stop. Really, Trixie is almost starting to feel bad for the dunce." A snicker came from the magician, followed by a final command. "After Trixie hears the password, Trixie is set. You follow Swan through and drop the sweatband in front of the portal so Trixie knows exactly where it is."


Swan Song lowered her horn to aim at the lodestone, and then fired a small beam of yellow magic into the ring. The grooves seemed to fill with light, although only a small section of the stone's runic etchings were affected.
"Throwing a wrench into the merciless gears of fate," Swan Song said solemnly.
"Wow. Melodramatic much?" Trixie quipped. Ranma rolled his eyes, glad that he would be able to ditch the communicator coin soon.
The lodestone crackled with power, and the affected ring glowed ever brighter. Then the magical energy all flooded through the grooves to a single point on the ring. The glittering point of light then expanded, creating a liquid-like disk of pulsing blue.
"This is it! We're clear!" Swan Song said excitedly. "Follow me, Havoc!" She leapt through the portal without further hesitation.
Ranma pushed the sweatband off of his head, letting the bright red cloth fall onto the forest floor. The coin dropped down next to it, and he lowered his head to the magic item.
"Please hurry. I don't know how much longer I can stand this weirdo," he mumbled. Then the martial artist leapt forward into the portal.


The magical gateway rippled, like a disturbed pool of water, and then quickly drew closed. Moments later, the lodestone flickered, and then its illusory shield snapped back into place, giving it the appearance of a common oak tree.