“What do you mean, ‘Princess Celestia is in a meeting?’” Moon Shadow asks, in the coldest tone she can muster.
The guard looks nervous at being confronted by a lanky, pumpkin-coloured mare who, while she has been eating a little too much cake and her rump is larger than she’d like, is still only about half his size. He looks young, possibly even a new recruit. His armor looks as if it has never seen a battle and he seems slightly uncomfortable in it. Give him a few months of standing still in the same armor for hours at a time and it’ll eventually feel like his second skin.
“It means she’s in a meeting, Lady Shadow,” he explains, eyes wide. “With the ambassadors of Oxtria and their entourage. They’re here to discuss the trade agreement with Equestria and…”
“Yes, yes, I know,” Shadow replies, dismissively. Even if she never makes it to Night Court, she still has to study the minutes and know the topics being discussed. She forgot that the Oxtrians were visiting this week. “When will she be finished?”
“I don’t know,” says the guard. He looks like he’s starting to sweat. “She’s taking them on a tour of the castle right now. Her assistant will make you an appointment…”
“This is urgent,” says Moon Shadow, in a voice like razors. If her cat could speak, he’d talk in a voice like that too. “Crucial information, fate of Equestria urgent. I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.”
“Lady Moon Shadow!” shrieks a familiar voice and Shadow winces. ‘Ugh. Not now. This is all I need.’
Sure enough, she turns and sees Orchid Belle hurrying her way as fast as her ‘no running in the castle’ feet will allow her. Her pearls are swishing side to side furiously, although her curls (Moon Shadow is sad to say) do not sway an inch.
“Exactly what are you doing?” Orchid demands. The guard looks positively petrified at the prospect of two angry mares. Shadow’s pretty certain she can hear his knees knocking together.
“I require an urgent meeting with the princess,” Shadow informs her, coldly. She really has no time for this. She wants answers and she wants them now.
“The princess has better things to do,” Orchid Belle replies, stiffly. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it can wait.”
“She said it was about the fate of Equestria,” chips in the guard and then cowers as both mares turn their glares on him.
“Is that so?” asks Orchid Belle. “Exactly how is the fate of Equestria involved?”
“Are you Princess Celestia? No? Then I can’t tell you,” Moon Shadow answers, with a smirk. Behind her, she can hear the guard making his escape, scurrying down the corridor as fast as his oversized armor will take him.
‘Chicken,’ Shadow thinks dismissively.
Orchid Belle looks ready to blow a fuse. “Regardless, I am the Housekeeping Coordinator for this castle! I keep it pristine and professional looking. I know when a vase is running low on water. I know when a visiting school has left hoof prints on a stained glass window. I organize every single pony in the two hundred large housekeeping staff we have here and YOU ARE DRIPPING WATER ON THE CARPET.”
Oh. Shadow glances down at her hooves and, sure enough, she’s dripping cold bathwater onto the rug. She’d flung herself out of the tub so quickly, there’s probably still water flooding her bathroom back home. She hadn’t even dried herself off completely. Instead, she’d cast a heating spell or two to keep her warm and raced straight to the castle.
“I’ll go get a towel,” she finally allows, suddenly aware of her wet mane sticking to her neck. Orchid Belle looks like she’s suppressing a shriek, and not very well, by the way she’s gritting her teeth together.
“I’ll just…” Shadow backs away carefully, before lighting her horn and vanishing in a bright aura of magic.
She re-appears only a few corridors away, outside of a public bathroom. Her head is spinning so much that she regrets using the spell almost instantly. It’s a bit beyond her magical capabilities and Celestia had warned her when teaching Shadow the spell that it should be kept for dire emergencies.
Orchid Belle definitely counts as a ‘dire emergency.’
Stumbling slightly, she manages to stay upright as she pushes her way into the bathroom. Her head will be pounding for at least half an hour, which is the lightest punishment she can get away with. A few years ago she teleported for the first time and singed off her eyebrows. Shadow has only ever seen Celestia teleport without looking at least a little dizzy. Most unicorns don’t use spells outside of the basics or the ones directly linked to their talents.
‘Sometimes there are ones that are even related to your talent you can’t use at all,’ Shadow thinks miserably.
Moon Shadow sighs heavily. At least here, she can hide and dry off, before she goes and finds Celestia. She carefully rubs down her body and then tries to dry out her mane and tail, using a combination of heating spells and a fresh towel. She tries her best to use magic to untangle her mane but it proves too difficult. When she’s mostly dry and only a little bit damp, she stares up at herself in the mirror.
“Well, this is what the bearer of bad news looks like,” she tells herself, dryly. There’s indigo hair sticking up from behind her ears and her tail is definitely too long and trying to wrap itself around her hind legs. It’s difficult for her to go to a hairdresser so she usually just cuts it herself. She had forgotten it was due for a trim.
She trots out into the main hallway but then stops short. She doesn’t really know what to do. Orchid Belle is probably scouring the castle for her this very minute, no doubt determined to throw her out. Celestia is goodness-knows-where with a group of visitors. If the ambassadors see her now, they’ll think Equestria is full of lunatics going on about the end of the world.
Moon Shadow sinks down onto the carpet. At this exact moment in time, it’s all she can do. She could still be asleep right now but instead she’s running around the castle like a mad mare.
‘Orchid Belle does do a really nice job though,’ she distantly thinks, as she stares at the carpet. ‘This runner is spotless.’
She’s not sure how long she lies there. This isn’t a very busy area of the castle this late in the day. Everypony is either about to leave work or just arriving for the night shift. Besides, after everything that’s happened this week, it’s nice to just sit still.
After a while she hears voices overhead.
“Is she alright?” asks a worried voice. He has a very distinctive accent. ‘The ambassador,’ realizes Moon Shadow.
“I’m sure she’s fine,” answers a perfectly sweet voice. Moon Shadow recognizes her at once. Celestia. “Are you all right, Moon Shadow?”
“Fine,” mutters Moon Shadow into the carpet.
“See?” Celestia says cheerfully to the surrounding group. “She’s perfectly fine. This is one of the representatives from Night Court. I’m sure she’s just taking a small break…” Impossibly long white legs appear in front of Moon Shadow’s nose and there’s a hot breath in her ear.
“If you need to speak me to me, come to my chambers in fifteen minutes.” Celestia whispers to Moon Shadow. Without waiting for a reply, the princess straightens and returns to her guests.
“Shall we continue?” Celestia blithely addresses the ambassadors, completely ignoring the fact that she’s standing over one of her subjects. Taking the silence of the ambassadors’ company as a yes, she moves her hind legs over Moon Shadow’s prone body and continues walking. After a beat, the collection of oxen and guards follow her, all carefully stepping around Moon Shadow.
“Welcome to Equestria!” Moon Shadow chirps as they pass by. She waits until they’ve disappeared down the end of the hall before moving her legs and sitting up. She considers to herself, as she watches them go.
Well, that went well.
Fifteen minutes later, Shadow knocks cautiously on the door to Celestia’s chambers. When she hears the princess’ consent Shadow pushes it open and slips into the room.
Celestia is sitting at the same breakfast table where they ate together only a few days ago. The princess gestures to the spare cushion opposite.
“Please have a seat, Moon Shadow,” she offers, at once but Shadow immediately hesitates.
“The ambassador wasn’t put off by my behaviour, was he?” she asks nervously.
With the given title of “Lady,” she’s well aware that she should behave appropriately in front of guests. However, she knows that she often acts more than a little strange instead. She has no idea how well this went over with the ambassadors.
“Actually, he thought you were charming,” the princess easily responds. She smiles. “It’s just as well it wasn’t the griffons I was showing around today. They’re far less easy going.”
“And rams are known for their laid back nature,” Moon Shadow mutters, dropping her rump onto the cushion. She knows she shouldn’t be sarcastic. She could have just ruined trade relations between Equestria and Oxtria. But she’s still tired and irritated. She’s also cold from wandering around damp for so long. It makes for an unhappy combination.
“What’s this all about, Moon Shadow?” Celestia finally asks, kindly. Moon Shadow is briefly silent. Now that she’s staring into the princess’ keen violet eyes, she struggles to properly voice her concerns.
“Princess…” Moon Shadow trails off. There’s too much to say, to explain everything properly. So she starts with her most burning question. “Where did I come from?” Celestia’s eyes widen, just a fraction. Ponies who spend less time with the princess probably wouldn’t have noticed it. But Moon Shadow has spent years sitting across from the princess, staring into her eyes.
“What do you mean, Moon Shadow?” Celestia answers, evenly. “You were in an orphanage in Manehattan when I found you. You know that.”
“I know,” Moon Shadow replies. Something isn’t right. She keeps her eyes on the princess, watching for the slightest sign. “But I also think you know where I was – who I was - before that. Don’t you?”
“Why are you asking this now?” Celestia quietly responds. “You’ve never asked before.”
“It never occurred to me that you’d lie before,” Moon Shadow realizes, stunned. For a moment Sandmare and princess stare at each other. Moon Shadow is shaken to her core. She is now faced with the undeniable fact that Celestia has kept secrets from her. She doesn’t know what to do. She could have dealt with Celestia lying to her about Tambelon. That’s almost nothing compared to this, just a name spoken without a thought. But she never expected Celestia to lie about something as important as where she came from. Does she still have family out there? Are her parents waiting for her? What could possibly have been so awful that cClestia has kept it hidden all these years?
“It’s not time to tell you yet,” Celestia insists. “I’m sorry. But you weren’t old enough…you weren’t ready. I only kept it from you to keep you safe.”
“Does it have something to do with Grogar?” asks Moon Shadow, softly, and Celestia’s mouth drops open.
“I…where did you learn that name, Moon Shadow?” she asks, astonished.
“I’ve been dreaming,” Shadow admits. She shakes her head, correcting herself. “I’ve started dreaming. Have any Sandmares ever dreamt before?”
Celestia shakes her head, just a fraction to each side. She’s so still, she looks like a goddess frozen in stone. Only her ethereal mane continues to shift.
“No…” Celestia replies. Her voice seems faint. “Sandmares don’t dream.”
‘Not unless another Sandmare sends them,’ Moon Shadow slowly realizes. As there’s only ever one at a time, that would be impossible. Wouldn’t it? But Moon Shadow isn’t ready to tell her about Kimono yet. Something in her no longer trusts Celestia. For Kimono’s sake, Shadow will hide her existence for now.
“Last night I saw a shadow in a dream. It was hiding from me,” Moon Shadow continues. Celestia snaps out of her unblinking daze.
“Did it attack you?” she asks, concerned.
“No. It just…ran away.” Shadow couldn’t help but wonder about that. It could have taken her: she’d made it more than obvious she wasn’t prepared for combat, sore and tired as she was. It had even had the element of surprise. Instead it had just fled. Why hadn’t it taken her? She wished she knew.
A voice suddenly rips Moon Shadow from her reverie. “I think you should leave now, Moon Shadow,” interrupts Celestia and Moon Shadow jerks her head up to stare at her mentor.
“But…you haven’t told me anything!” she protests. “How can you still keep things from me?”
“Because I can, Moon Shadow,” Celestia says, sharply. More than ever, Celestia seems to fill the room. There’s no visible magic, no bright corona around her horn but the presence of it is stifling. Even a Pegasus or Earth pony would be able to feel the crackling magic in the air. “You can demand all you like but you don’t know what’s best. You are still not ready!”
Moon Shadow levels her gaze at her mentor. “Are you sure I’m the one who’s not ready?” she retorts. “Or are you afraid to admit that you’re the one who can’t handle it?”
The door swings open suddenly to reveal several guards. Big guards. Big guards armed with pointy things. This is not Moon Shadow’s day.
“Princess! Are you alright?” shouts Silver Strike, eyeing Shadow suspiciously. “We heard shouting.” Ironic, considering the sound of his voice. Moon Shadow glares back at the guard.
“Oh, quite fine,” Celestia tells him in her usual voice. Not the strange, distant one she’d been using with Moon Shadow. The daunting goddess is gone and she is merely Celestia again. “We got rather deeply into our discussion. Lady Moon Shadow is leaving now. If you could come by in a few days’ time for our usual meeting, Shadow, I’d appreciate it.”
Shadow shoots Celestia a short look but reluctantly stands.
“Of course, princess,” she replies, as demurely as she can. “I’ll expect that information then, shall I?” She holds Celestia’s gaze for a few moments longer, until the princess nods.
“Of course,” Celestia tells her. “Of course.”
Moon Shadow swishes from the room, nodding to the guards as she passes. “Gentlecolts. Good evening.”
She waits – very patiently – until she’s left the castle courtyard and is in the streets of Canterlot, before breaking into a run. She knows the truth. Celestia isn’t going to tell her a bucking thing. She’s going to have to find things out for herself.
If Amber Bell was surprised by Moon Shadow charging into the library just before closing and demanding to be let into the restricted section, she didn’t show it.
“You know the rules,” Amber tells her, briskly. “You have twenty minutes. You’re only allowed to check out four books and Celestia help you if you damage any of them.”
“I know, Amber,” Moon Shadow answers, placing her saddlebags on the table. “I’ve got it. Thanks.”
Amber Bell nods and then lets herself out the door, leaving Moon Shadow alone.
Shadow stretches her head side to side. She has twenty minutes to try and find all the answers she needs. If they’re even in here.
She starts at the shelves nearest the door. The restricted section isn’t huge by any means. Any truly dangerous books are kept locked away at Canterlot castle, or were destroyed by Celestia’s command. Nonetheless, there’s still enough shelves to easily fill twenty minutes. When her time is up, she’ll just have to take what she can find and come back another day.
‘I can probably skip some sections,’ she immediately realizes. A few shelves are simply controversial or explicit material that got banned from the main library. What she wants are the spell books and-or any books written by Celestia, herself. Not that Shadow is expecting to actually find a book titled: ‘All You Ever Wanted to Know About Grogar the Demon Ram’ or ‘What to Do When There’s a Dead Mare Haunting Your Dreams’ but she can hope, right?
Apparently not. It’s not nearly that easy.
Fifteen minutes in, there’s a stack of abandoned books at her side and Shadow is about ready to slam her head onto her desk. There’s nothing here that can help!
She’s studied every dark magic book and history book. There’s been no mention of Grogar, Sandmares or moving stars. She supposes it would have been too easy to have found them, even in the restricted section. After all, there are only two ponies in the world that even know the Sandmare exists – Celestia isn’t just going to leave books about it lying around in the library.
Shadow sighs and sets about returning the scattered books to the shelves. She needs a Plan B. What that is, she has no idea.
There’s a quiet knock at the door, startling her. “Shadow?” Amber calls out, uncertainly. “Shadow? Are you ok?”
“Yeah, Amber, I’m nearly done,” Shadow replies. She finishes shelving the last book, as Amber sticks her head around the door.
“Did you find what you were after?” Amber asks her, curiously. Shadow regretfully shakes her head.
“No,” Shadows answers her. “But I appreciate you letting me in here on such short notice.” She moves to gather up her saddlebags and sling them over her back.
“It’s no problem,” Amber gently reassures her. Shadow slips past the librarian to wait patiently in the corridor.
“Come to my desk whenever you’re ready and I’ll return your card,” Amber says. Amber then pulls the door closed behind them and carefully locks and resets its magical enchantments.
“Sure,” Shadow listlessly replies, as she follows Amber back down the stairs to the main floor. She wasn’t really expecting all the answers to be hidden in the library but she was hoping for something. Grogar and Tambelon happened – that means that it exists in history and history is usually written down, even the obscure and forbidden parts. Maybe this is just something Celestia managed to erase from history entirely.
The hallowed halls that she trots down are as large as Canterlot Palace’s grand ballroom. The royal Canterlot coat of arms is emblazoned everywhere; from the large oak doors Shadow walked through, to a small plaque over the check-out desk. Everything gleams white and gold. Smart librarians purposefully move around, never rushing. Unicorns levitate books where they need to go and a serene pink-pelted pony pushes along a small cart of returns. Desks and chairs are scattered everywhere, filled by content colts and fillies. Large arched windows let in the bright morning light, and give ponies an excellent view of their beautiful capital city. Rows and rows of books fill the walls and stacks go on for as far as the eye can see. Looking at them towering above her had made Shadow feel quite small when she was a filly.
The Canterlot Royal library was, in fact, Princess Celestia’s own library. A great deal of the books there had even belonged to the Princess herself at one time, but those were kept under tight security and only lent to certain important ponies. (Apparently, the punishment for damaging one was really quite severe.) Once Celestia had become too busy with her royal duties to care for the library, she’d decided her favourite books were best shared amongst the ponies she loved most: her subjects. She had been the one to choose the building, the furniture, the caretakers and the librarians. Thus, she had ensured that only the best were chosen to care for her beloved collection and share the gift of knowledge with all of Canterlot.
Shadow has extensive access to the library, including a great deal of the restricted section and Celestia’s own books. She doesn’t really have time for the kind of fiction Midnight writes, instead dipping in and out of Equestrian History and spell books when she can.
Shadow and Amber stroll through the stacks to the front desk, where Shadow’s library card is being held for security reasons.
“Shadow?” A voice curiously calls out. Moon Shadow stops and turns around to see Midnight heading towards her.
“Oh, hi,” Shadow greets her. She quickly turns back to Amber. “Amber, I’ll be there in a minute. Is that ok?” Amber Bell nods in agreement and trots back to take her place at the front desk.
“What are you doing here?” asks Midnight curiously. Her oldest friend has her glasses up her on head and a scarf tying up her golden blonde mane. Shadow isn’t too surprised to see Midnight here this late in the afternoon. Midnight spends a lot of time researching her current novels and frequently writes in the quiet of the horror section of the library.
Shadow hesitates to respond. For obvious reasons, she cannot explain her reasons for being at the library to Midnight. “I just…needed to look something up in the restricted section,” Shadow carefully replies. “How about you? Are you working on your new novel?”
“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep. Once I go on tour, I won’t have any time. I figured I can write on the train if I’m prepared.” Midnight blinks at her, suddenly realizing something. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?” she asks, with a worried glance.
“I…had an early meeting,” Shadow quickly explains. She hopes her friend won’t notice her excuse or the shift in her eyes. “It made sense to come here while it was quiet. Not that there’s ever a queue for the restricted section.” Very few ponies have the highest clearance for the whole library. Even the ones that do rarely visit the restricted section. This is probably only Moon Shadow’s third visit since she got her clearance three years ago.
“Why would you want the restricted section?” prompts Midnight. Shadow stares at her, unsure of what to say. It’s a perfectly normal question – for somepony who wasn’t doing something suspicious and can also lie well. Moon Shadow, unfortunately, is neither of these things.
Shadow coughs and looks away before continuing. “I…just want one of those banned history books. There’s a controversial case in Night Court right now and I heard that there might be something similar that happened twenty years ago.” She knows the instant she says it that it was the wrong thing to say. Midnight’s innate curiosity immediately latches onto the potential story.
“Oh, what’s the case about?” she eagerly responds.
Shadow shifts her weight from hoof to hoof, anxiously wishing this would all go away and soon. “It’s confidential. You know, Court stuff?” Shadow finishes, lamely.
“Oh, of course. I understand.” replies Midnight, looking a bit disappointed. Moon Shadow yawns as obviously as possible. She hopes her friend will take the hint but Midnight makes no comment.
“Well, I should get in a quick nap before work this evening. I’ll see you around, ok, Mids?” Shadow says.
“Um, sure,” says Midnight. She still seems unhappy but Shadow shakes off her concerns. “I’ll see you soon?”
“Of course,” Shadow says, suddenly feeling guilty. Sandmare secrets are once again getting in the way of her friendships.
Her friend interrupts before Shadow can easily slink off and shake off her uncertain guilt. “Maybe we could do dinner this evening? Before work? Nothing much, just a quick sandwich,” suggests Midnight hurriedly.
“That’d be really nice,” Shadow replies and, in all honesty, she means it. She misses her friends. “The Jolly Orange? Or Cotton Candy café?”
“Jolly Orange, for a change. I’ll see you at six?”
“Six,” Shadow nods happily and sets off for the check-out desk.
“Hi, Amber. My card?” Shadow says, when she makes it to the front of the queue.
“I’ll get it right away,” Amber replies, putting down the pile of books she was carrying to return to the shelves.
Shadow waits, while Amber disappears into the back room. Her eyes wander over to the front desk. The head librarian, Pages, stands at the other end of the desk, taking in book returns. Another is arranging books on a cart, sweeping the returned books off the counter as quickly as Pages can take them from library patrons.
“Here we are!” smiles Amber, as she returns with Shadow’s card.
“Thanks,” Shadow smiles and slips her card back in her bag.
“I hope you have more luck later with your search,” Amber confidentially tells her. “What made you think that it might be in the restricted section?” Shadow shrugs. Even she’s not sure why she started with the restricted section. She had to start somewhere and it’s not like any of this stuff is just going to be available to anypony on the street.
“I don’t know,” Shadow says reluctantly, her eyes downcast. “I’m just…trying to find something. I thought it might be a good place to start,” Shadow sighs.
“Well, good luck anyway. Where are you going to look next?” Amber asks her.
But Shadow just feels hopeless. This was her one guess. Where is she supposed to turn to, now? Where is she supposed to look, when she doesn’t even have any clues beyond a dead Sandmare and a demon ram? What is she supposed to do, when even Celestia, of all ponies, has lied to her?
“I don’t know,” admits Shadow, helplessly. She lets out an exhausted breath. “And right now, I don’t even care. I just want a nap.”
Shadow’s cat, Icarus is prowling in the hall when she arrives home. He meows indignantly as she shuts the door behind her.
“I know, I’ll feed you,” Shadow tells him, wearily. He winds his way through her legs, purring loudly.
She trots into the kitchen and dumps her saddlebags on the counter. She digs around in the cupboards for cat food. She uses her magic to tug on the ring pull and dumps it upside down into his bowl. He’s on it immediately, enthusiastically chowing down. Moon Shadow wrinkles her nose at the strong smell of fish.
“Well, at least you’re easily pleased,” she tells him and peeks into the cupboard for a fruit and oat bar.
She munches as she walks into her bedroom and flops down on her bed. She really needs a Plan C now, but she’s no longer sure what to do. It’s highly doubtful the princess will keep her promise and tell Shadow everything she wants to know. It’s even more unlikely that Shadow will be able to find the information she wants in Canterlot. How else is she supposed to figure this all out? As she leans back in depressed repose, Shadow suddenly realizes something.
She may have exhausted all of her choices in Canterlot. But that doesn’t mean that she is out of options. Or out of places to look. There has to be another way….
Shadow sits up in shock, and drops her oat bar on the bed. Truthfully, maybe there is no information in Canterlot. But there might still be an answer where this all began, the place of her birth: Manehattan.