//------------------------------//
// A Curious Case of Chance Cherishing 
// Story: Elements of Spike 
// by Yinglung 
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"So Applejack, I heard that you’ve been staying in the house for all day." Spike walked alongside the orange mare in the plowed field. "What have you been up to?"

Applejack sheepishly grinned, "Am Ah that obvious?"

"Well, it’s the Applebuck Season, of course ponies are going to comment when they didn’t see you buck apples together with Big Mac."

She sighed. "Ah can’t help it."

"What, are you also unused to having a mare’s body like Twilight?"

The face of the orange mare immediately reddened up. "Wh- What?"

"Twilight told me back then she’s having a hard time adapting. Do you somehow forget how to buck trees?"

Realizing that it was just an innocuous question, Applejack huffed. "Well, Ah never! Ah’m just figurin’ out the financial status o’ the Apple family, so Ah can do somethin’ wit’ it like what Ah said."

"… I hate to ask it again and again, and I know it might be... sensitive. But it is eating at my heart for too long. Who are you? If you’re really just me, then why are you concerned with her life like this?"

"A- Ah…" 

Applejack knit her brows and lowered her head, letting out a difficult breath at last. 

"Ah don’t know. With each passing day, I’m feelin’ more and more as if Ah’m Applejack. Why won’t Ah be? Ah act like her, Ah think like her and Ah care for her family like her. Although mah time as Spike the Dragon still affects mah decision from time to time, Ah can’t help but think that if Ah can’t think exactly as her, then Ah can at least think for her."

"Are you more me or more AJ, then?" Spike raised a brow. 

"Ah don’t know!" Applejack almost shouted. "Why are you so concerned with that anyway?"

Spike winced at the outburst, but he clenched his claws and pressed on. 

"Look, for one, it makes calling you by name less awkward."

After a clumsy smile, he quietly added. "Of course I care about you as well. I mess up the lives of Twilight and her new friends with my stupid action. None of you have done anything wrong, but now you’re each loaded with a piece of me. The least that I can do is to check up on how each one of you has been adapting."

"Spike…" Applejack looked at the apparent self-blame on the dragon’s face. "Ah’m sorry Ah shouted at you."

"No, if you’re speaking as Applejack, you should never be sorry. Even if you’re speaking as my ‘clone’, you’re also one of the victims. I’m physically the dumb one who drank too much hard cider and ate the Elements. I'm the one who came up with the idea to sweep this under a rug because I'm a chicken and don't want to get punished."

After a moment of uneasy silence, Spike turned his head to the orange mare. "But Applejack, I’m still curious. Is it a hard time for you to suddenly live as a pony and a mare?"

Applejack again stiffened and blushed, but this time she was somewhat prepared for this line of questioning. "Ah’m sorry Ah didn’t clear them up for you just now or back in the library. You must be itchin' for answer. Shucks, Ah’ll try harder this time. Don’t get flustered though, ‘cos Ah’ll go in some lady stuffs."

"Un- Understood…" Spike gulped and stood straight.

Applejack suddenly kicked her legs towards a nearby tree, and some apples dropped to the bucket below. She picked up one of them and bit into it.

"You see, Ah have all mah body reflexes as a well-trained apple farmer intact. Ah felt like as if Ah have lived as a pony mah entire life. And in a sense, it’s true. It never occurs to me as something strange or unnatural unless Ah think hard about it or you bring it up."

Regret and sadness again welled up on the dragon's face.

"Nah, Spike. You don’t have to feel bad ‘bout it. It’s only natural that you’re interested in knowin’ how we feel. This is a new experience for all of us, Ah’m sure." 

Applejack paused a bit, and then bashfully chuckled. "As for bein’ a girl, eh, it’s a slightly more complicated matter."

"How?" Spike asked with apprehension.

"Hmm... Ah’m startin’ to realize how much of our thoughts are shaped by our physical bodies. Ah reckon because of the part of me that's AJ, Ah didn’t exactly freak out when Ah find out Ah have to live as a mare. But the other parts of me are a proud macho dragon. Or should Ah say, should be a proud macho dragon."

Applejack then let out an awkward laugh. "If we’re all like what Rainbow said about you, we should all be raring to knight around, rescuin’ damsels in distress… even though, meh, some of us are more like the damsels themselves."

Applejack then bit her lips in slight uncertainty. 

"But that’s not the point… mah point is, bein’ a mare have changed our thoughts so much, Ah sometimes feel scared of losin’ mah identity."

Spike asked with a worried look. "What do you mean?"

Applejack merely sighed. "For instance - and Ah’m bein’ completely honest here - Ah’m feelin’ not very inclined to chase mares anymore. On the contrary, Ah’m beginning to see stallions as potential partners, something that you’d never thought, wouldn’t you?"

"No! Absolutely not! I- I’m not into that!"

"Of course Ah know." Applejack then turned to Spike. "Do you want me to be even more honest?"

Although Spike was a bit unnerved by potentially more shocking reveals, he nodded. "G- Go ahead."

"Ah want you to be mah pardner."

"Partner? Uh… We sort of already are in this together, aren't we?"

"Naw, naw. Ah mean in a more… special sense. Y’know, like the way you want to be with Rarity?"

Spike immediately did a spit-take, stepped on his wrong feet and fell towards the ground.

Applejack, though, swiftly put a hoof in front of him before his snout planted into the ground.

"What, is it too out of the blue?" Applejack raised a brow.

"W- Wh- Wha-"

Spike panted and went briefly cross-eyed. Then he gasped for more air and spat his words in quick succession.

"We have just met a few weeks ago!" He said with a frightful yelp. "A- And you’re at least in part me! Isn’t- Isn’t that-"

Applejack scratched her head, taking his ruffled reaction rather calmly. "Well, Ah don’t think it’s so bad. You didn’t exactly fall in love with yerself when you looked into the mirror. Ah don’t recall being that vain. So if Ah feel anythin’ for you, it’s clearly more than the feelings of ‘Spike’."

Spike simply shook his head like a wet retriever. "That makes no sense at all whatsoever!"

"Ah say we leave sense to the winds and do whatever suits our fancy."

The orange mare smirked. "Seriously though, Ah think the part of me that is AJ feels very impressed by your honesty, work ethics and devotion."

Shrugging her shoulders, she continued. "Ah like that you take on the burden of responsibility, even though each of us that is part-Spike should similarly be partly responsible. More importantly, bein’ in this situation makes me realize that we have quite matching personalities!"

"W- We do?"

"For example, we’re both quite hard-headed, aren’t we?"

Feeling only like having been battered in the head, the dragon could only squeeze out. "I guess…?"

Applejack chuckled, then meaningfully looked at the road leading to the town center. "No offense to Twi, but Ah don’t think she matches you as well as me do, nor had she been expressin’ enough gratitude for yer work."

"No! Twilight loves me very much, she-"

"Perhaps. But I know about her and yerself as much as you do." 

Applejack slowly said. "Ah might sound like Ah’m badmouthin’ her, but Ah speak only the truth here. Besides, her love for you is clearly different to what Ah’m talkin’ ‘bout here."

"I… I…"

"Ah don’t need you to reply right now. In fact, Ah don’t need a reply, because Ah’m just tellin’ what Ah’m honestly feelin’."

Applejack then deeply inhaled and smiled brightly. 

She lied, because she was not completely honest about her truest motives. 

But even so, she not only felt like a weight was lifted from her heart, but she felt like she had stuck a flag onto Spike before everypony else. 

The original Spike was something akin to a forbidden prize, the one dragon whose mere presence reminded her of the treasured life as Spike. Something that seemed to be fading away day by day, and fear was nagging at her heart. 

She did not know what she felt with crystal clear clarity. She only knew that being close to him was a selfish comfort and an alluring experience, so she did what she had to do and claim him as her own. And as she had expected, she finally felt full, for the first time since the day it happened.

Was she greedy? So what if she was, especially if she had been a dragon. Dragons were supposed to be greedy, weren't they?

Spike, though, was taking the news with a mix of shock and confusion. 

He thought he knew what love was. He was even sure that he could just go charge right into a relationship with a certain white unicorn and hold his head up high. He just never imagined that he would be propositioned by someone in this kind of strange state. He would never in a million years think that proposing to him would be high on any of the six mares’ priority, after the shambles with the Elements.

He had been certain that he loved Rarity. But being proposed by someone else suddenly set him up into a stark reflection. Was his crush on Rarity an infatuation, a commitment, a duty, or a sense of true love? Did any of those matter? He wasn’t even so sure with himself anymore.


***


"Hey, Twilight."

Spike mindlessly dragged his body into the Golden Oak Library and hailed the purple pony inside.

"Whu- uh, what’s the matter, S- Spike?"

The purple pony was briefly tongue-tied. Having working around the clock, she was more than tired out just to find out a way to reverse the shambles.

Not that the dragon would refuse to lend his claws should she need it, but she was reluctant to call upon his help. For some reason, she feared that Spike would resent her for being all needy, something that never crossed her mind when she was only Twilight. She knew it was irrational, but like a phobia, this clinging fear could not be simply explained away.

Also, she now felt she’s only working, as if just because Spike told her to. To her honest opinion, it didn't seem that too much actual damage had been done, apart from some navel-gazing about who they were. After all, she could still continue Twilight Sparkle’s friendship mission in this state.

Spike was none the wiser. The dragon was still ruminating on what Applejack said to him earlier. Like on a natural reflex, he wanted to ask opinion from his most trusted figure, even though she’s not quite herself at this state, to say the least.

"A- Applejack just said something to me, and I don’t quite know what to do…"

Twilight felt unusually happy that Spike came to her advice for something, her tiredness melted away somewhat. Ever since the mishap, a small intangible part in her was feeling paradoxically farther from his heart. 

"R- Really, what did she say that troubled you? I might be able to help!"

Spike shifted uncomfortably. "Normally, I won’t come to you for this sort of things. But since this has everything to do with our current status, I want to hear from you."

Twilight raised a brow. What did he mean by ‘this sort of things’?

"Well, basically, Applejack just asked me to be her... significant other."

"Oh wow, Spike, you’ve used such an advanced word so accurately... Wait, what?!"

"Yes, that’s true and I’m never gonna joke about something like that! I’ve been confused about that the whole day… It just feels so weird… How should I see this, and how should I see her?"

"Hmm..." Twilight's initial surprise gave way to a pensive look.

Spike bit his lips and quietly continued. "Feelings aside, I don’t know if I can treat her as Applejack the mare. She’s at least partly me, right? Of course I can’t know for sure, but whatever she says, I just can't imagine she'd be into me in any shape or form, had this blunder never happened!"

To Spike’s surprise, Twilight asked him with a hard gaze. "… Does it even matter what would have happened otherwise?"

Spike was briefly taken aback, and then retorted. "Of course it would matter! Everypony is not themselves right now! Even if I take a hundred steps back and say 'yes', it would be, like, taking advantage of her not being herself!"

Twilight touched her own cheek. "What does it mean by somepony ‘being herself’, though?"

Spike blandly blinked. "… Huh?"

"It’s hard to tell, isn’t it?"

"What’s so hard to tell? I mean, every one of you woke up that morning, and figured that you’re not yourselves straight out of bed, didn’t you? You all think that you’re me and not a pony, isn’t that quite straightforward?"

"No." She shook her head. "As I’ve told you, we can remember their pasts."

"So what? It’s not like ‘seeing is owning’."

The purple mare briefly looked as if the dragon’s words have pricked and hurt her, but she then merely sighed. "I don’t want to wax philosophical on you, but that’s the only way I know to tell you what I think of my… our current status."

"Go ahead."

She turned away and looked up. "So yes, we all think that we’re sort-of the clones of you ever since a few days ago. But does that really make us not the ponies we’re supposed to be originally?"

"How can you be me and Twilight at the same time? That’s not possible!" Spike showed her a confused look.

The purple pony bashfully chuckled, and then slowly said. "What makes a pony the very pony that she is? Many scholars of the past have tried to answer this question, the question about the ‘self’. I remember reading a number of volumes on the matter, but I think nothing of it other than aiding my magical research. It’s only now that my own mind is put to test, I become so intimately aware of what they truly mean."

"Huh."

Closing her eyes to recall, she continued. "We all have beliefs of what and who we are. Twilight Sparkle thinks she’s a book-loving unicorn with purple coat, Spike thinks he’s a young dragon with a love for gems and lengthy afternoon naps-"

Spike promptly complained. "Hey, I am not that lazy!"

The purple pony laughed. "Right. You yourself know whether I was being fair or not."

Ignoring the protesting harrumph for the dragon, her expression soon turned serious. "These kinds of enduring beliefs are important to us. It comes up in our mind whenever we think about ‘what is me?’"

Looking up at the window behind the sober dragon, she continued. "For certain, the belief that we were a young male drake named Spike featured so noticeably in our minds since that incident. But thing is, it isn’t all."

Sighing again, she traced the edge of a thick tome nearby. "A pony is shaped by many things. Her esteem, for example. We think of ourselves through an emotional lens, and we let it color the judgment of not only the others, but also ourselves. As you might have noticed, we could not help but act upon many visceral reflexes of the mares themselves."

Sensing vague acknowledgement from the dragon, she smiled. "We’re also shaped by everyone around us. What we think about ourselves is also social. In other words, we’re also at least partly somepony that the others tell us we are. The way we have to act like the mares themselves these few days merely reinforced this tendency."

The purple pony waved her hoof up and pointed to a pinned note on the table like she’s holding a lecture. "When you look into what constitute a mind, you also need to consider the dimension of time. You said ‘seeing is not owning’, that’s not entirely unreasonable."

She crossed her hooves with a grave look, and slowly muttered. "But for memories, it’s a much murkier matter. What we thought we had done in the past heavily shaped what we believe about ourselves. Memories... are never a matter that is clear-cut, reliable and unchanging. There is a thousand ways to tamper them with magic, and another thousand to tamper them without. To sequester them cleanly in one single mind is but impossible. What Twilight the pony did in the past, it affects both my rational self and perception. And from there, it affects my present self, and my future self as well."

She forcefully tapped on the tome. "… At least this is what the books tell us. That’s also why it’s so hard to tell how much of me is Spike the dragon and how much of me is not."

She pushed her mane backwards and grinned. "The self is a strange thing indeed. That’s why mind magic is such a fascinating and complex area… But I digress, regarding what Applejack had said to you, I think… Spike?"

The dragon was already snoring loudly with arms open and belly up. Twilight narrowed her eyes, briefly annoyed that her audience had fallen asleep, and her carefully researched conclusion was not being taken in whatsoever.

At the end though, she merely smiled in defeat and carefully lowered a blanket onto him with telekinesis. She then looked towards the setting sun outside the window and muttered.

"Applejack… Clever girl, huh?"