Edited by DJ_Neon_Lights, Kudzuhaiku, and TuxOKC.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Equestria…
Deep within the caverns of a hive hidden deep within the Badlands, away from the notice of the world was a lonely figure. She lay upon her throne, shrouded in shadows and surrounded by empty tubs of ice cream. This monarch was slumped over her seat, like a black bean bag, with her legs dangling over the sides of the round stone covered in plush red cushions. Every once in a while, a groan would issue forth from her throat. It was a sound best suited for a stomachache or perhaps even bad gas.
Or both.
A pair of guards, armed and armored stood at the entrance to the throne room, casting worried looks upon the sorry creature wallowing in self pity. When Mother took bad news, she took it hard. They carried their voices in whispers. Very quiet whispers. For the creature lying upon the throne had very keen ears to go with eyes best suited for low lighting.
“She ordered more Triple Chocolate Eruption,” one said to the other.
His companion winced. “That bad? Over the misfits?”
“Well, she did and does love them, even if they were little more than cleaning crew.”
“But she hardly even remembers their names!” hissed Guard Two. This was his real name. For realsies.
Guard One (not kidding) sighed and threw a pitying glance at the moaning thing. Mother had not been in this state since, well… forever.
“My babies,” a voice groaned from the throne room. “My beautiful, beautiful babies. Gone. Where have my babies gone?”
Queen Chrysalis rose, or attempted to. Her belly was distended and full of ice cream. Some of it was smeared all over her muzzle and lips. Ice cream was even stuck to her chin, for there were moments she had forsaken a spoon and had plunged headfirst into her snacking with the gusto of a starved wolf. Or a trendy kid into a bottle of Mountain Dew. Whichever applies. I dunno. I just write the stuff.
The Queen was in a sorry state. Ever since they had returned from the failed invasion, she had worked herself into a frenzy gathering her children together. It had taken nearly two months and it was, at times, like herding mentally challenged cats. The trauma had affected all the changelings in various ways. Everything she did, she did for them. The evil things. The evil monologuing. The evil laugh. She had worked on all of that to provide a future for her offspring, even if she had gone to the point of despair in naming them.
After a million names, a mind tends to warp for some reason. Chrysalis had lived an Age or two to this point and she felt at this point of her life, she had badly undervalued how much her children meant to her. In all of her many, many, many years of life, the queen had started taking her offspring for granted. No matter how many came and went during her rule over the hive, she had always felt their passing and mourned in her own way.
“Give me back my babies!” she cried to the uncaring ceiling, waving a spoon menacingly in the air. “Where is that ice cream? I want the box of memories. Bring me the box of memories! I want to beat myself over the head with pictures they drew for me, but I neglected them and didn’t put them on the refrigerator like a good mommy should have! Your horrible mother commands this! Make it so!”
Guard One looked at Guard Two. “I’m scared.”
“I need an adult,” noted Guard Two.
“I am an adult! And your mother!” Queen Chrysalis roared from the throne room. “Ice Cream! Now!”
Both guards scrambled to do as they were told. Mother knew best, after all. Besides, neither wanted to stand in the corner for disobeying.
For two months she had scoured all the places she could to gather up her children after what had happened in the heart of Equestria. Canterlot would forever be a blight in her memory, albeit a hazy one. She barely remembered much of it, save for what her changelings had told her. Chrysalis could clearly remember the first phases of her grand scheme to take over Equestria. She had infiltrated the defenses, sprinkled her children strategically in the right places throughout Canterlot, and had even managed to foalnap Princess Cadence. Her problem began after she assumed the guise of the Princess of Love and inhaled the first bit of love from Shining Armor, Captain of Celestia’s Royal Guard and fiancee to Princess Cadence.
Everything pretty much became a haze after that.
Too much love could lead to an addiction. Chrysalis had not known until it was far too late and nothing was left but the aftermath of her collapse.
So, after picking up her pride, she gathered up her children, making sure they were all right and more or less in one piece, then came home to an empty hive.
Empty.
As in, those who had not been deemed fit or able to participate in the invasion had not waited at home until Mother came back. After a frantic search of her home, Chrysalis deduced her wayward children had been taken by Diamond Dogs, or worse.
Until someling pointed out the note left with convenience on the refrigerator.
The note read as follows:
Momma,
We are running away. We don’t think you love us anymore. Please don’t look for us. We’re sorry if we made you angry. We don’t want to be a burden anymore.
Sincerely,
Your Unwanted Children
Evil or not, no mother worth her salt takes such a note without feeling an enormous amount of guilt. Chrysalis realized they had not felt included in her plans, leading to a sense of being unloved and unwanted. Hence the ‘Your Unwanted Children’ signature at the end of the letter. Her heart lurched when she read that bit.
So, the Evil Queen had herself a good, guilt-ridden Evil Cry over Evil Bowls of ice cream. Evil Triple Chocolate Eruption ice cream! Her evil little holed heart was broken and she had noling else to blame but herself. She sent her loyal children far and wide on quests to find her missing children, including one or two missions involving a grail and a magic lamp or two. And Bondo. Irregardless, she wanted answers and she wanted them yesterday!
Where were her babies? Her nymphs? Her hatchlings? Her little love suckers? Her little morsels?
You get the idea. And before we get back to the main part of the story, this is kind of important, so hold on to your hats, kiddies! Side stuff like this is expected, or else all sorts of questions pop up in the comment section.
“They are not unwanted!” Chrysalis cried into an empty tub of Triple Chocolate Eruption (it was like edible love in frozen form). “I love all of my children! They are my heart and soul! Without them, I would probably become a crazy cat lady! Or maybe a Mary Kay cosmetics sales changeling…” It was quite the edgy declaration. She pulled her head out and looked to one side, biting nervously at the edge of her hoof. “Or maybe a Mary Kay cosmetics sales changeling who has cats?”
She shuddered at the thought.
“No, I cannot fall to such depths of despair. I cannot!” Chrysalis kicked aside the empty container and noted she had at least stacked the used tubs of devoured ice cream neatly for easy pickup later. An ice cream stupor was a terrible thing to undergo. It was delicious goodness wrapped in a fog of forgetfulness.
“I want my babies!” she cried for the upteenth time. "Quintili Vare, legiones redde!”
A changeling poked her head into the throne room. “Mother, you’re talking in Latin again. And you’re scaring the readers.”
Chrysalis calmed and composed herself. “It’s my chapter and I’ll break the Fourth Wall if I want to,” she said with a huff.
“I wish someone would break the Fourth Wall so I can get into a story that makes sense,” complained the changeling as she withdrew. “I swear, the author goes on break from this story for a couple of months and I get stuck here. I feel so sorry for the readers.”
“What was that, dear?” Chrysalis was there, in her daughter’s face, her bloodshot eyes round and overbearing. Her ears, normally hanging to the sides were perked up and focused on the target of her attentions. The queen’s mane billowed around her and a hoof was stuck in an empty tub of ice cream. Her wings buzzed in a combination of a sugar rush, anxiety, and lack of sleep.
“Mother,” stammered the changeling as she was bowled over by her mother’s breath in the literal sense. “You are not well!”
“I miss my babies!” Chrysalis blubbered as the tears began to fall. “I’m a terrible mother! I spent too much time planning and scheming the fall of Equestria that I neglected those who could not meet up to my expectations! I’m not just an evil queen, I’m a terrible mother! I don’t even put the pictures my children give me out of love up on the walls to admire anymore! I used to do that. Did I ever put any of your drawings on the wall, Pixie?”
“No,” admitted the changeling, surprised her mother remembered her name.
“I’m sorry.” The changeling found herself in a bone crushing embrace. Her mother was completely out of character. Queen Chrysalis was completely out of sorts. “We are going to find your brothers and sisters,” she promised. “We’ll bring them home and everything will be all right.”
“Okay,” Pixie gasped as she hung like a rag doll in the Queen’s embrace. “I did bring news in regards to the disappearance of my brothers and sisters.” Of course, she meant to say those words, but it was profoundly difficult to formulate the proper wording when one’s lungs were being crushed. What came out was a wheezing sound with a gurgle here and a gasp there.
Chrysalis put Pixie down, her tears and sorrow forgotten. The aura of a proper queen filled her as she stood tall and proud. A menacing growl befitting the villainess she was rolled from her throat. “Speak!”
Pixie spoke as though the world speed speaking record was at stake. “Their trail was discovered. The scouting team who found it followed it. It led to a cave. Within the cave was some sort of guardian. The guardian was guarding a portal. The portal led to another world. They went through the portal after spending some time with the guardian.”
The Queen twitched an eyebrow. “What of this guardian?”
“He calls himself an American.”
Queen Chrysalis hissed. “An American? What is an American?”
“An entitled creature who thinks he is better than others and fills the heads of the unwary with tall tales of impossible things,” Pixie spat, glaring in anger. “He spoke of a world where there was no magic and there was but one sapient species ruling a world. Science rules over all. Science and technology.”
“I know this world,” Chrysalis whispered, her ears splaying back. She could not look her daughter in the eye. “They would rather live in such chaos than live in my hive.” Again, Chrysalis was heartbroken. “Send someling to clean this mess.” She gestured at the empty containers stacked around the throne.
“I’ll send a crew right away, Your Majesty.”
“Pixie?”
The changeling hesitated, looking up at her mother and tilting her head to one side. “Yes?”
“Call me Mommy.”
“Yes, You— Mommy.” Pixie looked an odd mix of relief and confusion saying the word. “There’s more.”
Chrysalis growled. “More?”
“They told the American they intended to find a new queen.” Pixie was beginning to sweat. Queen Chrysalis was getting That Look. “He gave them one. Her name is Catherine. He sent them to one named Catherine.”
“Bring everyling in,” the Queen seethed. “Immediately! I want to know where this portal is and who this American is! I want him brought before me! I have questions that he will answer! Go, my daughter!”
Pixie was gone in a flash, leaving the Queen alone with her thoughts in a gloomy room. She used her magic to clear the room as the rubbish of her own making now irked her to no end.
A disco ball fell down in the middle of the room. Once cleared off, the floor was quite smooth. From a small cubby rose a set of roller skates from a bygone era (it was debatable if it was memorable or not). Quickly Chrysalis slipped them on and was soon rolling in a lazy, contemplative circle in the center of the room.
There was a time she had once taken a break from being a queen. She had disappeared. The years of raising changelings and ruling over them more or less forced Chrysalis to take a break from such enormous responsibilities. She had found a portal and, curious predator that she was, went through. The next ten years in the other world had been fascinating, harrowing, confusing, interesting, and just plain weird.
I mean, polyester. Seriously? The horrors of that era (as well as bell bottoms) was best left forgotten, though the music was pretty decent. Do not get her started on leg warmers. Honestly!
When she returned, she brought back certain memories as well as a few keepsakes. The keepsakes were taken en masse, as she had returned to her hive, gathered up her children, and mounted what was fair to describe as a raid.
She had been doing this off and on for the past thousand years. She knew the portal Pixie spoke of. It was supposed to have been a forgotten place, remembered only by her! Chrysalis had told no one of its existence.
Yet…
An American.
Disco lights flared to life and music began to be pumped into the room from hidden speakers. Some things were just wonderful in their tackiness.
Memories. The United States of America in the 1970s.
And Chrysalis sang…
“You can’t see this empty hive, such a low point in my life
See this girl? How can I call myself the Changeling Queen?
My babies gone and I’m feelin’ low
I don’t know where I can go
Where they went, why they went, why they took wing
They left and I guess that’s a thing
Anyling could up and go fly
Night has come and I want to cry
With these here roller skates on, everything is fine
I feel better when I dance.
On these skates I prance...
I am the Changeling Queen, young and sweet, only… nevermind
Changeling Queen, I got beat by a magic beam
You can’t see this empty hive, such a low point in my life
See this girl? How can I call myself the Changeling Queen?
I’m a teaser, I turned him on
I was left burning and now they’re gone
Such terrible mother, anyone else would do
He was in no mood for a dance
On these skates I prance...
I am the Changeling Queen, young and sweet, only… not tellin’
Changeling Queen, I got beat by a magic beam
You can’t see this empty hive, such a low point in my life
See this girl? How can I call myself the Changeling Queen?”
When the song died, Chrysalis realized she had drawn in an audience. Her children, the ones whom had been sent to fetch her ice cream were at the entrance leading into her throne room. They had with them a cart loaded with ice cream. Jaws swung like a porch swing in a May breeze, shared by an elderly couple. Guard Two was also hauling a wagon full of cardboard boxes. In each box were hundreds, nay thousands of crude drawings done by nymphs with crayons on paper over the years.
Guard One and Guard Two had witnessed something they wished they hadn’t, though it was agreed Mother had a lovely voice.
“Disco? Seriously?” they both chimed with indignation at her. “Is this a rave?”
“I regret nothing!” she grumped, skating a figure eight. This Catherine would soon know usurping the throne of the one and only Changeling Queen would bring about dire consequences!
Her face was still a glorious aftermath of an ice cream massacre even as the disco ball spun, glittering overhead. She knew keeping that old relic had been a good decision.
“I did hope then she would go back to being evil,” quoted a changeling some years later in recollection. “That was a very silly time for all of us. Silly and confusing. Disco music is a terrifying thing. Would we really go to that world? That world from whence such things came from was surely nothing but madness!”