//------------------------------// // Totally Not Procrastinating // Story: The New Life of a Winning Pony // by Chengar Qordath //------------------------------// I was feeling a lot better after my talk with Lyra, but I wasn’t quite ready to face Eepy and Blossom. Or maybe I was just procrastinating. Lyra definitely had a point about my tendency to try and avoid confrontations. At least I’d graduated from trying to avoid the issue completely to just putting it off until later. That was progress, right? Besides, it would be good to give everypony a bit longer to cool down so we could all approach the issue rationally. Yeah, that sounded like a good excuse. No, not excuse; a reason. A perfectly reasonable reason that wasn’t just a flimsy justification for my perpetual inability to confront my own problems. So instead of meeting up with the mares who put a foal in me, I trotted over to Derpy’s. After all, I hadn’t seen her for a couple days, and it would be good to check in with her. Plus, getting another pony’s take on the whole situation wouldn’t hurt. I rapped on her heavily reinforced front door, and Sparkler answered it with a smile. “Hey, Momma. C'mon in.” “Hey, Sparky-spark.” She held the door open for me, and I slipped inside. “Your mom around? Wanted to talk her ear off for a bit.” Derpy poked her head in from the living room. “Right here. Though try not to talk my ears off, I might need them later.” “Hey, Bubbabum.” I headed into the living room, marveling at the fact that they’d already fixed all the damage from Derpy’s little mishap the other day. “Hope you don’t mind me dropping by out of the blue.” “I’m pretty sure I’ve told you that you’re welcome whenever you want to visit,” Derpy reassured me. “Especially in light of the current circumstances. If you need to talk, I’m here for you.” She trotted over to Sparkler and gave her a quick nuzzle. “Think you can keep Dinky out of trouble for a bit?” Sparkler answered with an impish grin. “Either that, or I'll help her get into it. It's fifty-fifty at this point. But either way, we’ll be out of your mane when we get up to it.” I chuckled and rolled my eyes, giving Sparkler a playful little swat with my wing. “Go find my cousin. At least that way you two will be too busy smooching to get into any mischief. And Dinky can play with Alula while you two are occupied.” I thought about it a moment, then added, “Besides, she got her butt kicked sparring with Storm earlier. She could probably use a little bit of consolation time from you.” Sparkler winced sympathetically. “Oof, she always hates losing a round of the eternal sibling rivalry. She'll probably be sore after that. And in need of some cheering up.” She grinned, tapping her lips thoughtfully. “And I know just what to do to put a smile back on her face. Lemme just go get Dinky, and...” she trotted off, humming softly to herself. Once Sparkler was safely out of earshot, Derpy turned to me with a half-smile. “Well, I can’t exactly say I’m wild about you encouraging my daughter to go out and have premarital sex, but I suppose we both know she would regardless of what you say. And it will keep her out of my mane until tomorrow afternoon.” I raised an eyebrow at that last bit. “Getting a little Sparkler overdosed? She did seem to be in a pretty snarky mood. Granted, she’s a teenager, so her being a smartflank pretty much happens all the time she’s awake.” Derpy snickered and nodded in agreement. “I’m used to it. As for being overdosed ... well, it’s the opposite problem, actually.” She sighed, shutting the living room door to make sure we would have some privacy. “It's—she got a letter from Canterlot earlier from ... Her. It's a little easier to process that when Sparkler's not around.” I had a pretty good idea who the ‘Her’ was, but... “Mind clarifying that pronoun for me? I’d hate to start giving you all kinds of sage advice only to find out it's for the wrong ‘Her.’” That earned me a halfhearted chuckle from Derpy. “Right, sorry. I should clarify before you go off on a tangent. She got a letter from her—her...” Derpy took a deep breath, then finally spit it out. “From her birth mother. Duchess Sparkle.” “Oh.” I’d missed the initial fireworks when it came out that Sparkler was actually Twilight’s half-sister, given up for adoption on account of the ‘half’ part. Apparently there’d been some sort of political reasons why it would’ve been very bad for Twilight’s mother to have a child that hadn’t come from her husband. What made it extra-messy was that since her pregnancy had been public knowledge, they tried to cover up the sudden disappearance of her newborn by claiming it had been a stillbirth. Twilight had not been happy to find out that her parents had lied to her about that. It had been two years since the truth had come out, and as far as I knew the Sparkles and Doos had given each other space since then, slowly feeling things out. Relations between an adopted family and a biological one were always going to be tricky, and all the baggage attached to Sparkler’s case made it even moreso. If her biological mother was reaching out to her now... “That sounds potentially very complicated. What'd the letter say?” Derpy slumped down into her sofa. “Well, I assume Twilight mentioned to her parents that we’d been looking at several colleges in Canterlot. Among other things, she offered to let Sparkler stay at the manor while she was in Canterlot. Even offered to give her a room of her own. Like...” She waved her hooves, encompassing her entire house. “Like here. A full room just for her, that she could come to and sleep in whenever she wanted. Exactly like what Twilight and Shining Armor have.” “Oooooh boy.” On the one hoof, it wasn’t exactly shocking that Sparkler’s biological mother would try to reach out to her. Sparkler was going to be spending her college years in Canterlot, and this was a perfect chance for the two of them to reconnect. It probably would’ve been more surprising if her mother hadn’t made some sort of offer. On the other hoof ... well, I already knew Derpy was worried about Sparkler going off to college. For a mother who was afraid their child was growing up and wouldn’t need them any more, having another mother-figure move in and trying to do motherly things with her child wasn’t going to go over well at all. Come to think of it, Duchess Sparkle might understand that issue. After all, she had two kids who had grown up and moved out. Maybe she had an empty nest of her own and was hoping to fill it with Sparkler? At the very least, if she and Derpy both had some experience with worrying about their children growing up and moving out, it was common ground. Maybe something I could build on. Derpy rose up from the couch, pacing around the room like a caged bear. “I mean, it's ... nice of her to think about that, but if Sparkler ends up going to West Hoof she’d be staying in the barracks most of the time. She’d probably want somewhere else to go when she gets time off, but Daddy doesn't live that far from the academy—or Celestia's School, if she decides to go there instead. And it's—I mean, I guess I could—she's not...” Her furious pacing back and forth led her to the coffee table in front of couch. “Derpy, you might wanna—” The rest of my warning faded into obsolescence as she smacked her knee against the table. She let out an annoyed hiss of pain, pausing to rub her leg. “Dumb place to put a table. I’ll move it later.” She sighed, her rump hitting the floor heavily. “We both know that she’s offering Sparkler a lot more than just a room, and I don't know what to think about that, Cloud.” I could hardly disagree with something that obvious. “She's trying to reach out to Sparkler. Trying to be, well, more of a mother to her.” “Exactly!” Derpy’s leg must have been feeling better, because she got up and started pacing again. “And I want to be okay with that, I really do, but she's...” She trailed off uncertainly, one hoof circling through the air as she struggled to put her thoughts into words. After several seconds she let out an exasperated snort. “It sounds stupid. Forget it. What about you? How are you doing? I bet you’re hungry. You are eating for two now, after all.” She smiled, reaching over to pat my belly. I had more than enough experience with dodging my own problems to recognize when somepony else was doing it. I wasn’t going to let her get away with using my own tricks against me. “I wouldn't say no to some food. But ... well, you wanna keep talking about this?” A faint grimace flickered across her lips, but after a couple seconds she slowly nodded. After a quick trip to the kitchen to retrieve a platter of muffins, she sighed and settled down next to me on the couch. “It’s just—I don’t even know how to feel. Maybe I want her to reach out, for their sakes? I mean, I hate to admit it, but early on while I was pregnant I thought about giving Dinky up a few times. I wasn’t sure I was up for being a single mother, and...” Her ears went flat against her skull. “I’m so glad I didn’t do that, but—but if I had, I know I would’ve wanted to meet Dinky when she was older. Reconnect, and see what kind of mare she’d grown up to be.” She grimaced and shook her head, grabbing a muffin and devouring it to fill the silence. “But it's different. She wasn't a single mom, and besides, I’m Sparkler’s mom now. I took care of her for years, gave her a good home after everything she went through. But now her birth mother thinks she can just swoop in and start acting like an actual parent.” I chowed down on a chocolate cherry almond muffin as I thought over my answer. “So you can sympathize with how she feels, but at the same time you're not exactly happy about how she’s trying to be part of Sparkler’s life again?” “Exactly!” Derpy groaned, massaging her temple. “Luna, it's been nearly two years since that crazy day and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all. This isn't like when I found out Shining Armor was Dinky’s father. He didn’t even find out until after I did. But with Sparkler and Duchess Velvet... She knew. She knew what she was doing when she gave up her child, and now that she's found Sparkler she wants to try again? Just pretend she didn’t get rid of Sparkler for being politically inconvenient and act like she can be a mother to her? As if none of that ever happened?” The muffin Derpy had been holding crumbled in her grasp as her hooves tightened around it. I could see that she was getting upset, so I tried to play peacemaker. Or at least some equivalent thereof, given that the mare she was angry at wasn’t even here. “She made a mistake. A pretty massive one. Now she's trying to make things right. We’ve all been there.” She sighed, putting aside her ruined muffin and replacing it with a fresh one. “I know, I know. We've talked over the years—me and Duchess Velvet. Mostly just sending letters back and forth, but she’s visited a few times too. Not for very long, but long enough for me to get to know her a bit. I can hear how much she hates herself for giving Sparkler away.” Her ears drooped, and her voice fell to an almost guilty whisper. “Part of me hopes that Sparkler turns her down.” She flinched, groaning and burying her head in her hooves. “And as soon I say that, I feel completely awful. It just feels so mean and petty, to want to hurt her just so I won’t be worried about Sparkler.” She growled in frustration, shaking her head. “I don't even know why I think that. I just do.” She swallowed her muffin in a single gulp, trying to find some comfort from her favorite food. I wrapped a wing around her. “I think I’ve got some idea what’s going on. You're already worried about her growing up, going off to college, and not needing you anymore. And now there's some other mare trying to be a mother to her on top of that.” “That's ... exactly it, yes.” Derpy nodded, leaning against me. “Give me one or the other and I could manage, but both at the same time is just too much to deal with.” She wrapped her forelegs around me, resting her head on my shoulder. “Am I worrying too much? I want to think I am, but some nagging little voice in the back of my head won't let it go. It keeps saying that if I don’t do something—I don’t know what, but—but if I don’t do it, I’ll lose everything.” I sighed and rubbed her back. “I have it on good authority that it's a mother's job to worry about her kids. Besides, I don't think Sparkler's ever going to not need you. I mean, you…” I cleared my throat. “You still need your mother, right?” “Of course,” Derpy answered without a moment’s hesitation. “She’s ... well, she’s Mom. We’ve had some rough patches and arguments, but we always made up later. She’s my mother, and I still love her to death.” I gave her a prompting little nudge. “What makes you think Sparkler doesn't feel the exact same way about you?” “Nothing,” Derpy admitted. “And that's just it: you're right, I know you're right, and I know she does. But I still...” She groaned, running a hoof down her face. “Even though it makes absolutely no logical sense, you're still worried,” I finished for her. She sighed and nodded. “I told you it would sound stupid.” “It's not stupid,” I reassured her. “Just ... motherly.” Derpy thought that over for a bit, then chuckled and absently stroked my belly. “When did you get so smart about that sort of thing?” I shrugged. “I have been getting lots of mother-related advice lately. Some of it was bound to rub off eventually.” Just to prove I hadn’t gotten too mature, a part of me was terribly tempted to make a joke about ‘rubbing off.’ “Plus ... well, I think with these kinds of problems it’s a lot easier to solve them when you’re looking at them from the outside. It’s hard to look at it all objectively when you’re caught in the middle of it.” “Point taken.” She sighed, running a hoof through her mane—the hoof holding the muffin she’d just grabbed, which resulted in lots of crumbs getting scattered into her hair. She grumbled softly, trying to brush them out. “I guess I just have to listen to my own advice sometimes.” “Probably not a bad idea,” I agreed. I pointed to her crumb-filled mane. “Need a hoof with that?” “I’ve got it.” She cleaned herself up pretty quickly, shooting me a sheepish grin once she was done. “Proof that I’m a bit rattled: I’m wasting perfectly good muffins today.” I grinned and gave her a teasing poke. “At this rate you’re going to have to bake more.” “You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Derpy answered with a gluttonous smile. “I could even make you a fresh batch of your favorites to take home.” I smirked and bapped her nose. “You are an evil, sexy temptress.” Derpy rolled her eyes and got up from the couch. “None of that, Cloud. Rainbow warned me you might be getting hormonal on us.” She paused, smirking at me. “Though I’m not quite sure how we’ll be able to tell the difference between you riding the hormonal crazy train and you just being your normal wacky self.” “It’s not that hard,” I explained to her. “If I’m just doing the usual charming flirting, I’m normal. If I’m turning on the charm so hard we wind up in bed together, it’s hormones.” Derpy snorted. “Cloud, sweetie, even on your best days you’re not quite that irresistible. And take it from me, nopony dealing with pregnancy hormones is at their best. You’re probably going to spend days waddling around moaning about how fat, bloated, and unattractive you feel.” “Way to shatter my comfortable illusions, Derpy,” I pouted. “Sorry-ish.” She shot me a teasing grin, which slowly faded as she settled back onto the couch. “So, speaking of mother-related things ... well, there’s something I’d been meaning to ask you. Have you given any thought to godparents?” “A bit.” I shrugged. “Mostly because Rainbow's let me know she was available for it pretty much as soon as she found out I was gonna have a kid. She also mentioned that Rainbow Dash Jr. would be an awesome name.” “Oh, Rainbow...” She chuckled and shook her head, but her shoulders sagged slightly. “I should’ve known she’d want it.” “She does seem to get a real kick out of being Dinky’s godmother,” I agreed. I took a look at the way Derpy’s smile looked just a little bit forced, and put two and two together. “I haven't promised her anything yet, though.” Derpy’s ears perked up. “You haven't?” “Nope.” I decided to toss her a lifeline. “So if there was somepony else who wanted it...” Derpy hesitated a moment, then took the opportunity. “Actually, I would, if it's alright with you. I’m not saying Rainbow wouldn’t be a wonderful godmother—I made her Dinky’s, for goodness sake. Just ... well, I’d like it too.” I gave her a reassuring smile. “Well, I certainly wouldn't mind it. After all, you’ve been my friend almost as long as Rainbow has.” I paused, keeping my tone light and teasing. “Though it does raise one big question. What do you bring to the table that would be worth putting up with all of Rainbow's pouting if I don't pick her?” “You should have told me there was an interview,” Derpy shot back with a grin. She leaned back against the couch, thinking over her answer. “For starters, I’ve got plenty of practical mothering experience; I’d be willing to offer short-notice foalsitting practically any time I'm in town, hugs, snuggles, a baby blanket; and, you can borrow Dinky to make puppy eyes at Rainbow any time she pouts too much.” “Strong points in your favor,” I conceded. “But Dash has awesomeness, coolness, and radicalness on her side.” “That is true,” Derpy admitted. “Even if I’m still not convinced that those are actually three different things. Alright then, I'll sweeten the deal: all the muffins you can eat.” “Ooooh.” I was tempted to point out that visiting her house almost always ended with me getting just short of a lethal dose of muffins anyway, but why spoil what was a very entertaining bit of fun? “I admit, that is pretty tempting...” “And, you can borrow all of the toys and books I still have from when Dinky was young,” Derpy offered. She paused a moment, then shook her head. “Well, no, scratch that—you can borrow them regardless of who winds up being the godmother. The same for foalsitting.” I nibbled on another muffin and thought it over for a bit. “Well, just like with Rainbow I can't promise anything just yet. After all, I’m still getting used to having a kid at all, let alone worrying about things like godparents. Not to mention Blossom and Fluttershy deserve to have a say in the whole thing. But for what it’s worth, you do make a pretty good case.” “That's fair enough.” She let out a soft chuckle. “Silly of me to forget that you’re just one of the parents involved in this. So, how's it all coming since you dropped by last time? Sounds like you’ve made up your mind about keeping the foal, at least.” “Yeah, but...” I sighed and spat out the unpleasant truth. “Well, I had a few complications with Blossom and Eepy. They brought up the M-word.” “Oooooh dear,” Derpy sighed and shook her head. “Between knowing you and the look on your face, I can guess exactly how well that went. I’d offer to help, but to be honest I’m not sure if there’s anything I can actually do.” She paused, then shot me a faux-suspicious glower. “Unless you came here to elope out of the blue...” I wasn’t sure if that was a joke, or a rather pointed reminder of how I’d proposed to Fluttershy on the spur of the moment just to try and get out of my relationship problems with Derpy back when we were dating. It was probably better to assume it was a joke. “Sorry, no eloping today. I already got some pretty good advice from Harpbutt on the subject.” She frowned thoughtfully, then slowly nodded. “It's probably best you went to Lyra; to be honest, I might have a hard time disagreeing with Blossom and Fluttershy.” She held up a hoof to forestall any response from me. “I'm not telling you what to do, so don't think I am. I'm just saying that I can see the appeal of making things official like that.” Her eyes flicked uncertainly to the side. “I know ... I know I would’ve liked to have somepony here while I was raising my girls. If things had worked out differently, maybe...” She sighed, shaking her head. “Nevermind that. No point playing the ‘What if?’ game.” I nodded along. Derpy’d gone through plenty of rough times on account of being a single mother, so it was no surprise she was sympathetic to Blossom and Eepy’s side of things. Even though the situations weren’t all that similar. “Yeah, it's not like I don't understand why it came up. It’s just not a bridge I'm ready to cross yet.” Derpy sighed, but slowly nodded. “You already decided to keep the foal, that's a pretty big bridge to cross, and I'm glad you think you're up for it. I suppose I can understand taking things one day at time, but don’t keep them waiting too long.” “Can do.” I was only procrastinating a little when it came to talking to them. “As for being up for handling the kid ... I sure hope I'm right. Because I can’t stop worrying about what’s going to happen if I screw this up.” “Welcome to motherhood,” Derpy shot back with a dry smile. “But for what it’s worth, I think you’ll do just fine. After all, you saved me a lot of stress over Sparkler and the Duchess. I don’t think you could’ve done that without having some talent in the motherhood field.” “Thanks, Bubblebum.” I paused, thinking things over. “Probably ought to have a word with Sparky about that, too. Can’t imagine you’re the only one a bit shaken up over hearing from her birth mother.” “It probably wouldn’t hurt.” She shot me a rather shaky but mischevious grin. “Though you’ll have to hurry if you want to catch her—it takes a lot to get her away once she's with Star.” “I've noticed.” Star definitely wouldn’t be happy about me blocking her sexy girlfriend time either. “Guess I better get moving, then.” “See you later.” Derpy gave me a quick goodbye hug. “Feel free to come back if you need to let me know how things went. Or if you're still hungry.” I grinned. “I'm a sucker for a free home-cooked meal.” She smiled right back. “Add that to my list of godmotherly qualifications, then. ” “Can do.” I trotted out the door and took wing, chasing after Sparkler. Thankfully, pegasi are just naturally better at getting around than those silly wingless ponies, so I managed to catch up to her pretty quickly. Sparkler and Dinky were both trotting up the path to Twilight’s new palace when I swooped in over their heads and landed in front of them. “Hey, gals.” “Whoa!” Dinky yelped out in surprise, closing her eyes and bracing herself. When nothing happened after several seconds she slowly opened them, blinking owlishly. “Huh. I didn't get snatched up or hugged. That always happens when Rainbow swoops down on us like that.” Sparkler’s response was just as startled, but not nearly as funny. “Geez, Momma, you trying to give me a heart attack?!” “Sorry,” I hadn’t planned on swooping quite that low and scaring them. “I was just trying to catch up to you two before you got to the palace.” “Well, ya caught us!” Dinky chirped happily before latching onto me with one of her patented adinkable hugs. “Sure did.” I hugged that enthusiastic little filly right back. “You mind running on ahead? I need to talk to your sister for a bit.” “What about?” Her ears perked up curiously, no doubt hoping I was about to reveal some juicy secret of her sister’s. However, a second later she thought better of that. “Izzit about cootie stuff I'm too young for?” After a moment’s consideration, I decided that it would be a lot easier to just go with that than it would be to explain what was really going on. “Yeah, it kinda is about cootie stuff.” “Oh, brother!” Dinky closed her eyes and stuck out her tongue, gagging dramatically. “See ya, Sparky! See ya, Cloud! I gotta go say hi t'Miss Twilight, ‘cause she's the only one who's not cootified or a brat. Or both, like Sparky!” Sparkler rolled her eyes, then a particularly mischievous grin split her face. Her horn lit up, and one of my loose feathers tugged itself free and zipped over to Dinky, heading straight for her vulnerable belly. Dinky’s eyes widened as she collapsed to the ground, giggling helplessly. “Gyah! S-Sp-Sparkyyyyyyy!” Sparkler threw back her head and let out an over-the-top villainous cackle. “Who’s the brat now, Dinky?” “I'll get you for this!” Dinky squeaked out, gigglingly stumbling away from Sparkler and that tickling feather. She managed to get out of Sparkler’s spell range, and after a moment to catch her breath promptly fled towards the palace. Sparkler watched her little sister run, snickering all the while. “She can call me a brat all she likes, but she brought that on herself.” “She was pretty much asking for it,” I agreed. Dinky might be one of the cutest little kids in the world, but she did seem to keep forgetting the sibling pecking order too often for her own good. Sure, Star was the same way, but she was at least about on par with Storm in terms of age and size. Well okay, she couldn’t compare to Storm’s tall, long-legged build, but she had a bit more bulk to make up for it. Not to mention Star was still about the same size as me. I’m not a giant mass of muscle like Bulk Biceps, but Kickers just seemed to generally be a bit bigger and stronger than the average pony. I guess all those soldier genes bouncing around the family tree gave us predisposition towards that. “Really, it's her own fault.” Sparkler continued. “I didn’t even want to tickle her, but she left me no choice.” She chuckled to herself, then gave me another hug. “So, that’s my sibling rivalry out of the way. Not as bad as Star and Storm, but give it time. What'd you wanna talk about?” I wrapped a wing around her. “Right, that. Glad I caught you before you found Star. This could take a bit.” “Yeah?” She paused a moment, then frowned at me. “You're not about to offer me advice, are you? Because that’d be pretty weird considering I’m hooked up with your cousin. Besides, half the fun of it for us is figuring stuff out on our own.” I swear, some ponies think my brain is incapable of thinking about anything other than sex. Probably because even I joke about that sometimes. Now wasn’t one of those times, though. “This isn’t about my cousin. It's about your mail.” “My ma—” Sparkler froze, her cheeks turning bright crimson. “Look, Blossom said you weren’t going to use what was left of that potion, and there wasn’t even that much left anyway. Star and I didn’t even really get to—” “Mail, Sparkler,” I groaned. “As in your letters.” I paused, then glowered at her. “And what was that about you and Star borrowing one of my potions?” “Uh, nothing! Just a little misunderstanding.” Sparkler loudly cleared her throat. “So, uh, right. My mail. Guess Mom would need to talk to somepony about that, huh?” I decided not to pursue the issue of my lost potion. Honestly, if they’d asked me I would’ve been fine with letting them have it as long as I could be sure they’d use it safely. “Yeah. I was thinking that maybe it’s not just Derpy who needs to talk about that.” “Yeah,” Sparkler grunted out. “Kinda hoping I don’t run into Twilight while I’m looking for Star. That’d be ... it’d be weird. I wasn't expecting that kinda offer from her—from our—from Duchess Velvet. Kinda a big surprise.” I settled in next to her, not hugging her or anything, but staying in hug range in case she needed it. “How you feeling about what happened?” Sparkler thought about it for a bit, then shrugged. “Okay, I guess. I mean, s'cool and all that she'd do that for me.” I suspected her feelings were a lot more complicated than ‘okay’, but I knew I’d have to use a little finesse to get her to open up. Teenagers aren’t so great at talking about their feelings to adults—even cool, understanding ones like me. Hay, sometimes the cool adults are actually harder to talk to, since no kid wants to look silly in front of someone they admire. “Yeah? Glad to hear it. I know Derpy was a bit shaken up.” “I could tell,” she grumbled. “I could feel her reading it over my shoulder the whole time. It’s—” She grimaced and shook her head, dismissing whatever she’d been about to say. I nodded understandingly. “I know she’s worried about you too, which is why she asked me to check up on you.” “Figured.” Sparkler sighed, running a hoof through her mane. “It's ... I guess I'm okay with it all. S'just gonna be weird for a bit, y'know? I mean, if I tried it out. Grandma and Grampa said I could stay with them sometime too, if I wanted. And then I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to be in the dorms or not. I mean, even if I do live on-campus, I still wouldn’t mind having somewhere else to go for a day off or something.” She shrugged. “And, I mean, she is my ... I dunno. Something. Guess it wouldn’t hurt to check it out.” “So you want to get to know them a bit better?” I gently probed. “I guess,” Sparkler answered unenthusiastically. “I mean, she's why I'm here. And it sounds like she's been kicking herself for a long time, so I don't think she's playing some kind of angle. So ... yeah, why not give it a shot?” “Huh.” She obviously wasn’t going to spill unless I pushed a little bit, but if I came at her directly she’d dig her heels in out of simple stubbornness. Fortunately, I am a sneaky social ninja who can apply my silver tongue to more than just making ponies very happy. “Kinda figured you'd have some big, complicated feelings about the whole situation that would require a long, in-depth conversation. But ... well, it sounds like you’ve got it all worked out.” “Yeah, sure.” She didn’t quite meet my eyes as she answered. “I mean, I've had that conversation with myself pretty much every time I've thought about it for the last two years. Ever since I found out about ... y’know. S’a lot of time to try and figure things out.” “Yeah, it is.” I gave her a quick pat on the back. “So ... you're good? Ready to go hang out with my cousin and be your usual smartflanked self?” “I'm okay.” She sighed, shaking her head and snorting. “Honestly, I dunno how I should feel about all this. I mean, I figured I’d feel more—I dunno, something. Surprised? Happy? Indignant? But instead I’m just...” She struggled for words, finally ending with a helpless shrug. “It’s like I’ve got so much going on I can’t even figure out what I’ve got going on.” Ah, now I was making progress. Apparently she wasn’t so much shutting me out as it was that she didn’t even know how she felt. It’s hard to open up about your emotions when you don’t even know what they are. I tried to look wise and understanding, and probably failed. “Probably a little bit of all of them. Why don't you run me through it all one part at a time?” “Right.” She took a deep breath. “M'kinda happy, I guess. I mean, s'not like I can't juggle more than one mom as it is. I’ve already got Mom, you, and Rainbow for a godmother. What’s one more? And aside from the ursa in the room, Twilight's never had a bad thing to say about her.” She sighed, running a hoof through her mane. “Y’know, back when I was in the foster care system, I always used to wonder about it. My birth parents. I used to dream they’d come back for me some day—that it was all just some big mix-up, and they really loved me and wanted me back. So finding out that she does care is ... s’nice.” “But?” I prompted. “But how ... how…?” She let out a frustrated little growl, struggling to find the words. “How'm I supposed to think about her? Is she gonna want me to call her ‘Mom’? And what about—hay, even if this were a storybook, her husband's not my dad. What are we, Family Lite? Having me around’ll probably make things weird for them too. I mean, I’m living proof his wife loved somepony who isn’t him. And then there’s...” She groaned, burying her head in her hooves. “I mean, it'd be so weird just moving in like it's the Doo Manor. I don't know them, I'd be getting to know them—while going to school, and while getting to know my school, my classmates, my professors and trying out the Guard stuff and everything else. It almost kinda reminds me of going to a new foster home, and I can’t—” She choked and stammered, her shoulders sagging. I took a deep breath and wrapped a wing around her. “Believe me, I know all about having to deal with too much change at once. It just gets so crazy and overwhelming that you don’t know what to do, so you just try to avoid dealing with it and hope it’ll somehow take care of itself. Hope that maybe if you just ignore it all for a while, it’ll be easier to deal with if you come back to it later. But that kinda never really works, so I guess ... just move at whatever pace you're comfortable with? As long as you actually keep moving, and don’t just use that as an excuse to do nothing.” “Guess I gotta figure out what pace that is, then.” Sparkler leaned against me. “S’just ... I don't wanna feel like I'm pushing her away, y’know? M’worried that if I’m not ready to try out that room or I don’t call her Mom or—or something, then she’ll think I hate her and don’t want anything to do with her.” “Lemme give you a little advice I recently got, then.” I silently thanked Lyra for the advice I was borrowing from her. “Once you're in Canterlot, just drop by and visit her. Sit down, talk to her for a bit, and try to get a feel for where things are. I think that as long as you do that, she'll understand if you don't want to rush into things. She knows this is hard on you, and it’s probably really hard on her too. Just tell her how you feel. ‘Cause the one thing that’ll definitely make her feel like she’s getting pushed away is if you avoid her because you’re not sure how to handle things.” Sparkler blinked, shaking her head. “Well, that was staring me in the face. Good call.” She sighed. “Guess that checks off indignant, too. I mean, I don't think she meant to step on Gramma's hooves by offering me a place to stay. Hay, maybe they even talked about setting up a room for me and I just didn't hear about it yet.” “Yeah, I doubt she was trying to get in anypony's way,” I agreed. “Unless she’s got a secret ugly side I don’t know about, she understands the Doos are your family and respects that. I think she just wanted to let you know there's an open door waiting for you with the Sparkles if you want it.” “That makes sense.” She fell silent for a long time, then complained, “It's still gonna be weird.” “Pretty sure it's gonna be weird no matter what,” I bluntly informed her. “Let’s face it: it’s a pretty weird situation. But it’s never going to stop being weird until you sit down with her and deal with it.” “Probably not,” she admitted. “And I'm not mad at her anymore. That's a big plus.” “Yeah, it is.” I gave her a prompting little nudge. “So...” Her eyes dropped to the ground. “For a while after I found out, I was so damn mad at her. I mean, you wanna talk about stupid reasons to give a foal away, it’s pretty hard to top politics. That hurt. And I wasn’t just mad because of what she did to me, either. There was also the fact that she lied to Twilight and Shining about it. I mean, that’s low.” She grimaced and shook her head. “But that's probably already coming down on her head. I know Twilight was real mad when she found out, and I can’t imagine Shining took it any better. And—and I don't want to hate her, anyway.” She wrapped her forelegs around me, not saying anything as her ears went flat. “‘Sides, the more that ran through my head, the more I thought about Dinky and Mom and ab-b-bout how I’d’ve...” She coughed and scrubbed at her eyes. “About how I’d’ve never met ‘em if not for all this. It’s ... I dunno if I’d say it was worth it, but I know I’d be missing part of who I am without them.” “Yeah, I think I know what you mean.” I gave her a supportive nuzzle, thinking back to all the stuff that had happened with my own mother. “Hating them doesn’t do you any good. In my experience, it would just make you and everypony else around you feel worse.” I owed Aunt Wind some thanks for helping me with that issue. Sparkler nodded, rubbing her eyes again. “Yeah. I don't want to do that.” “So, I guess all you can do is try to move forward and work it all out.” I gave her a supportive pat on the back. “It won’t be easy, but you can do it.” “Gonna have to,” she agreed, shooting me a shaky smile. “One weird day at a time.” I chuckled. “Isn’t that the story of our lives?” I held her for a bit longer, then let go and gave her a slap on the rear. “Alright, that’s enough of me being a worrywart Momma. Go make smexy with my cousin.” “If she can walk tomorrow, I need to up my game,” Sparkler declared confidently. She turned back and gave me one last hug. “And thanks for the talk, Momma. It helped a lot more’n I thought it would. When’d you get so smart?” “I’ve always been smart,” I shot back. “There’s a reason Dash wanted to copy my homework back when we were in Flight Camp.” I gave her one last pat on the back. “But seriously, you need to talk, come find me anytime, Sparky Spark.” “Got it.” With that settle, she set off towards the palace, a new spring in her step. As I watched her go, I felt ... good. Maybe I’d done a bit more than just procrastinate on dealing with my own problems. After all, Sparkler ... well, it wasn’t like she had the exact same problems as I did, but I’d found some common ground with her. And if I could help her solve her problems, surely I could take care of my own. Right? I was feeling cautiously optimistic by the time I got to Fluttershy’s cottage. It was late enough in the day that Blossom should be off work, so hopefully they’d both be there. It would’ve been really weird and awkward to run into one of them only to have to wait until I found the other to explain everything. Fortunately, I was spared the horrors of dealing with a mildly awkward situation. Blossom was indeed at Fluttershy’s tinkering with something that I vaguely recognized from some sketches Blossom had showed me once—a large barrel mounted on a tripod, with a small box beneath it. A couple times a day, the magical capacitor inside that box would turn on and scatter some of the food inside the barrel everywhere within a ten meter radius. Blossom’s automatic feeder was supposed to save Fluttershy some work, though so far it had met with mixed success. Blossom was still working out some of the bugs, plus Fluttershy enjoyed using a personal touch with her animals even if it made feeding them take longer. Blossom looked up from the prototype, dropping her screwdriver when she saw me. “Cloud!” She galloped over and latched onto me, holding the hug long enough to let me know how glad she was to see me before abruptly pulling away and glowering at me. “Where have you been?! I was worried sick!” I took a hesitant half-step back, already caught off guard. “Didn't Dash talk to you? She said she was gonna let you know what was going on.” “She did,” Blossom confirmed, her glare easing off for a moment before coming right back. “But we shouldn’t have heard that second-hoof from Rainbow in the first place. I appreciate that you sent somepony to let us know you were okay, but that doesn't excuse you running out on us.” Fluttershy joined us at a more sedate pace, gently hugging me. “We were so worried about you. And while Rainbow told us enough that we didn’t panic ... well, we were still worried. Because we knew you were scared and upset, and there wasn’t anything we could do to help you no matter how much we wanted to.” Her ears drooped, her head hanging low. “Because if we tried, we might just make it worse.” Ooof. Fluttershy really knows how to bring the guilt. I tried to think of something to say. “Sorry, I...” I vainly struggled to come up with anything more than that, and failed. “Sorry,” I lamely repeated, as if saying it a second time would make it better. Blossom cupped my cheek in one of her hooves. “Cloud, you can't do this type of thing again. When we found out you’d just vanished on us ... well, Fluttershy was scared to death something bad had happened to you.” “I do have enemies,” she murmured very quietly. “I mean, because of the Elements. And I guess the Rainbow Power now. Chrysalis is still out there, and Tirek might escape again, or there might be some new horrible monster we don’t even know about yet. And all I could think was that one of them decided to go after you and our foal just to hurt me...” Oh damn. I hadn’t even considered that angle. Probably because my Kicker pride refused to believe any monster could just grab me out of the bathroom without so much as a peep. Sure, if some Celestia-level monster tried to kidnap me they’d probably be able pull it off, but I liked to believe I would put up one hay of a fight. Certainly enough that Blossom and Eepy would’ve heard it and realized something was wrong. In light of what she’d been scared of, the actual reason for it sounded incredibly lame. “I ... I just got a little freaked out when the M-word came up” Fluttershy gazed up at me, unshed tears shimmering in her eyes. “Cloud, why don’t you trust me enough to talk to me when something’s wrong? Did I do something to make you not trust me?” Oh. Well. I felt like a complete monster. My more cynical side suspected she might be intentionally laying a bit of a guilt trip on me, but I’m not nearly cynical enough to be unaffected when I see somepony I love crying. If I was being played ... well, it was working. Besides, all things considered I probably deserved a bit of a guilt trip after what I’d put them through. “It’s...” I stumbled. “I uh, well...” My ears went flat against my skull, and I scuffed a hoof along the ground. “Um ... sorry. Again. I just ... sorry.” Blossom took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Somehow I'm not surprised you panicked at the prospect of marriage.” I closed my eyes and slowly regained my bearings after the massive dose of guilt Fluttershy had hit me with. “It's ... look, having the kid is already overwhelming me. I'm not—I can't handle any more right now. I'm not saying no, just asking if we can hold off on that issue for a bit. Until I'm feeling a bit more ... I dunno. Adjusted?” “Of course we can give you time,” Fluttershy instantly reassured me, wrapping me back up in a warm, comforting hug. “We don't want to rush you into anything before you're ready. You can take as much time as you need.” Blossom wasn’t anywhere near as supportive. While Fluttershy hugged me, she stood off to the side, worrying at her lower lip. Right as the silence was starting to get a bit awkward, she sighed and said, “Okay, I can understand if you need a bit more time. Things have been a bit crazy lately. So ... yeah.” I wasn’t completely blind, so I could tell her heart wasn’t in it. I tried to reassure her. “I'm not going anywhere, Blossom. I mean, marriage is just a slip of paper.” I reached out and took one of her hooves in mine. “What matters is that I'm right here with you. That’s not changing anytime soon, marriage or not.” I paused, then amended, “Well, not unless you turn into some kind of raging she-demon or something.” She let out a halfhearted chuckle. “I’ll try not to do that.” She squeezed my hoof, taking half a step closer. “I want to be here for you, Cloud. I just ... well, we're not just marefriends anymore. We’re going to be a family now, right?” “Sure looks like it,” I agreed. “Of course we will,” Fluttershy chimed in. “We can always discuss the idea of marrying later. Honestly, there are probably a lot of other things we would need to take care of before worrying about that anyway. I’m more worried about doctor’s appointments and making sure Cloud is healthy and stress-free right now.” “I guess...” Blossom murmured, rubbing the back of her neck. I wasn’t going to let her get away with dodging the issue. Just like with Sparkler earlier, I knew better than to let somepony use my own tricks against me. I gave her a pointed nudge with my hip. “What is it, Bendyflex?” My goofball nickname managed to earn another half-smile out of her. “I just want to do what's best for the foal. And us for that matter. I guess the tricky part is figuring out what exactly that is.” She grimaced, and added, “Plus accepting that what I want might not be the same thing as what’s best for us and the foal.” “Yeah, but I think that what’s best for us is what makes us all happy,” I responded. I took a deep breath, then continued. “Which is why I think it'd be good if we lived together. I don’t wanna do this alone, and I can’t think of two ponies in the world I’d rather have at my side.” Blossom blinked in surprise. “You really mean that? But what about—” I cut her off with a hoof over her lips. “I really mean it. Yeah, it might take me a bit to adjust, but I don’t think it will be hard compared to being pregnant.” “I guess we’re all going to have a lot of work to do,” Blossom murmured. “I mean, I’ll have to get used to living on the ground...” “I think you’ll like it,” Fluttershy reassured her. “I wasn’t sure about moving down here at first, but now I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.” She hesitated, glancing back at her cottage. “Which, um ... that reminds me. I do want to live with you two, but I just wouldn’t feel right about leaving my cottage and all my animal friends. Especially since I wouldn’t be able to have as many of them around if we lived in Ponyville.” I tossed a speculative look at her cottage. “Think there's room for two more in there?” Fluttershy blinked in surprise, but slowly nodded. “Oh, I think so, yes. I do have a lot of spare room I normally let my animals use, but I’m sure they would understand if I asked them to make room for you two. And I have plenty of land, if Blossomforth wants some space to build herself a workshop for her hobbies, or if you want to store some of your old Guard stuff.” “That sounds like it could work, then.” I looked around Fluttershy’s property, trying to imagine what it would be like to stay here on a long-term basis. Yeah, living in the middle of a menagerie would take some getting used to, but as long as Eepy could convince her animals to give us a bit of space and not bother us in the house... “Yeah, I think this could definitely work.” Fluttershy turned to the third leg of the tripod. “What do you think, Blossomforth?” Blossom shrugged. “I don’t know too much about groundside living, so I’ll defer to you two. If you think Fluttershy’s place will work, then I don’t see any reason to argue. It’s certainly less trouble than buying a new house. Honestly, as long as we’re all together I think I’ll be happy.” She hesitated a moment, a frown growing on her face. “Though there is one problem that springs to mind: What about Discord?” I scowled, remembering some of his more recent actions. “He can stay the hay out of our way.” “Oh, he isn't that bad when you get to know him,” Fluttershy murmured in her friend’s defense. “He only visits now and again. He even has his own place now.” She paused, shuffling her hooves. “And, well, it’s not like he’d stop visiting if I moved. ” “That’s true.” Blossom frowned, shaking her head. “I still don't like the idea of having him around. I’d like to have a stable home for the kid, and he’s ... well, nothing’s gonna be stable with him around.” “Now, now,” Fluttershy gently chided us. “I know you’re not fond of him, but Discord's a friend. He may ... have his rough sides, but he, um, does better now. Or at least he tries to. Well, he said he was going to try to. Although he said that before, and then he still decided to work with Tirek. But, um, I think he really meant it this time.” Blossom answered her with a flat look. “Still not wild about him.” “Me either,” I agreed. “But ... well, he is your friend. As long as he behaves and doesn’t cause any problems, I won’t start anything.” “He will,” Fluttershy promised. “Thank you both for giving him a second ... er, third chance. We'll all get along great. I'm sure of it.” “We’ll see.” I wasn’t anywhere near as optimistic as Fluttershy was, but I figured I owed it to her to at least try to get along with her friends. Even if she’d decided that one of her friends was a big jerk of a chaos spirit who’d betrayed her to an Equestria-destroying monster. I sighed and tried to put the draconequus out of my mind. “So, I guess now we need get down to the details? Doctor’s appointments, sorting out the new living arrangements, allocating closet space, and all that?” Blossom nodded, draping a wing over my shoulders. “Sounds like a plan to me.”