//------------------------------// // The Girl that Shouldn't Exist // Story: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic -- Off The Record // by The King of Hearts //------------------------------// //// The Girl that Shouldn’t Exist //// Alex and Dash finally reached the bridge of the TARDIS, and were greeted with an odd sight, as both the Doctor and Derpy held what looked like a leaf blower with a balloon over the blowing end, that was connected with a mess of cables to the control panel. “I told you this would work!” Derpy laughed, as the Doctor nodded in defeat. “I swear, in the last few years, you’ve gotten better at running this ship than I have,” He laughed, grabbing the pull string to start the motor with his mouth, and pulling as hard as he could. The engine roared to life as a huge suction began sucking air from the outside of the ship, into the leaf blower, which began inflating the balloon on the end. “What the heck are you doing?” Dash shouted over the horrifyingly loud contraption Derpy had apparently thrown together. “We’re sucking the magic spell out!” The Doctor yelled back. Accepting the answer, the two of them silenced and just watched as they worked. A stream of colorful particles began flowing in from the outside, which were pulled into the machine, and then sent into the balloon. It took over two minutes of constant sucking to before the intensity of the particles began to slow, and then end altogether. Satisfied, the Doctor shut the machine off, and brought in a much appreciated silence. “So… is it done?” Alex asked, looking back and forth for some kind of change in the atmosphere. “Sure is!” Derpy said happily, “After running some scans, I realized that this spell was made up of chaos! Which as we all know, is attracted to Orion atoms because of their atomic structure! So I got out the Orion blower, well- or sucker, depending on how you look at it, and—“ “I think you lost them,” The Doctor whispered in her ear, as they both looked to the intellectually challenged ponies. “The leaf blower ate the magic?” Alex asked. “Yes. The leaf blower ate the magic.” Derpy laughed. “How the heck do you know all this stuff?” Dash asked, “I mean- no offence, but the last time we saw you…” “I know,” She laughed back, “But spending a few years with this guy will really start to rub off on you.” “Do you mind if I borrow that sucker?” Alex asked, pointing to the blower, “You never know, right?” “Sure thing,” He replied, unplugging it from the ship, “It’s got a full charge, should work one or two more times before it runs out of juice.” Levitating it away from the machine, Alex came incredibly close to laying it on his back, but at the last moment placed it on Dash’s back instead. “Jerk.” Was all she said as she headed for the door, “So, can we go out there now?” “Yup,” Derpy nodded, running ahead of them, and gesturing with her hoof to the now alive and moving world around them. “Thank goodness,” Dash said, stepping out and walking toward Applejack’s farm, “Now lets hurry! I need everypony to see just how she treated me!” “I believed you, you know.” Alex said genuinely. “I know… but I really want to see what the heck caused her to act that way.” She said back, dashing forward, “It’s exciting, ya’ know?” “I guess…” He said, eyeing her slightly. //// Twilight sat down in silence, both her and Alpha had just been punched in the figurative stomach with the news from Pinkie’s dark side. “Twilight… how is this possible?” Alpha asked slowly, not taking his gaze off of her as she stared at the floor, “I mean, we were safe! And… I thought that a pony and changeling couldn’t even—“ “I said I didn’t know if we could conceive, Marick.” She spoke up, looking at him with a small frown, “And as for being safe… I can think of a time we were maybe a little reckless.” “Well, do you know how far along you are?” Alpha asked, “That might help us determine, uh, well, when we screwed up.” Twilight looked to the dark Pinkie with an eyebrow raised. “After we beat the council.” She said, “I think just about everypony could hear the two of you going at it.” Both of them frowned and looked back toward each other. “Are… are you unhappy?” Alpha asked, wincing at her flat expression, “Because I certainly wasn’t expecting you to be- well, expecting.” “That’s so funny, Alpha!” Pinkie burst out in to a fit of laughter that could only be described as over-the-top. Her giggling fit was so loud, and so sudden, that it instantly infected Twilight, as the purple mare started laughing. Alpha opened his mouth to question Twilight’s change in mood, but decided against it, figuring that some laughter might help her out some. “I-I’m sorry!” She laughed, rolling her head back, “I-it wasn’t even that f-funny! It was just her reaction!” Pinkie frowned, “Are you kidding me? I was funny!” “No it wasn’t, it was mediocre at bes—“ “Twilight!” A man’s voice shouted, rushing into the library, “Oh, Pinkie! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” At the door stood Mr. Cake, his expression fraught with worry. “What’s wrong?” Pinkie and Twilight asked at the same time, standing up to greet him. “Well- Rarity and Fluttershy are simply ruining Sugarcube Corner!” He said, gesturing out the door, “They got in to some kind of fight and have—wait. Why are there two of you?” “Don’t mind me,” Sorrow said, “Just a magic spell.” “Uh, okay.” He nodded, before returning to his explanation, “Those two have thrown hundreds of bits worth of food at each other, and thanks to that dark magic they can use, nopony can get near them!” Pinkie gasped. Sorrow sighed. “We’ll… come right along,” Alpha said, assuming the other two mares were on board with his decision. “Yeah, lets get going,” Twilight said, shaking her head clear as she stepped over to the door to join Mr. Cake. “Woah- don’t you think you should stay here?” Alpha asked somewhat uneasily. “What? Because I’m pregnant?” She asked, earning a look from the older stallion that had just asked for their help. “You’re having a kid, Twilight?” He asked, his eyes wide. “Yup.” She said simply, walking past him and out the door, “It’s a girl!” //// Twilight marched down the street with a new found purpose- whatever that was, as she headed straight for Sugarcube corner. The simple fact was, she wanted every ounce of stress related to these dark sides to stop. And what better way to confront Pinkie’s dark side, than to run head first into every problem as it arose? Walking up to the pastry shop, Twilight wasted no time in kicking the door open, and shouting at the top of her lungs at the two mares inside. “That is enough!” She shouted. Ahead of her, Rarity levitated mid air with a pie in her hooves, and Fluttershy was holding a cake upside down, about to drop it on Rarity’s head. Both of them were covered in various foods from the shop, and yet neither had continued moving once Twilight walked in. They were both frozen. “I have had a very stressful day, and I think it would be best if both of you calmed down!” Twilight shouted, as the other two continued staring at her. The look they gave wasn’t one of regret, or embarrassment, however. It was as if somepony had pressed the ‘off’ button on them, freezing them in place. “Uhhh, good!” Twilight said, hearing her friends catching up behind her, “I’m glad you both… understand?” “Can you see the strings?” Sorrow asked, pointing to the ceiling as she entered the room. “Huh? Strings?” Twilight asked, following her gaze to ceiling, and yet seeing nothing. “They look like they’ve been let go,” she observed from Pinkie’s back, “Those two are like marionettes, without anypony holding the strings…” Narrowing her gaze, Twilight walked toward Fluttershy, and reached out with her hoof, lightly tapping the mare on the side, intrigued when she didn’t respond. “What on earth did this to them?” she muttered, moving over to Rarity and doing the same thing, “They’re just… statues.” “It’s her spell,” Sorrow spoke up again, “she’s not going to have them continue interacting until Twilight leaves.” “Huh? Why would she wait for that?” Alpha asked. “Because she’s pregnant,” Pinkie assumed, looking to her doppelganger on her back, earning a nod in response, “I’d never dream of causing an expecting mare any trouble. I don’t even think my deepest darkest side could do something like that!” “She’s right.” Sorrow nodded. “So, as long as I stand here, these two can’t continue fighting?” Twilight asked, “Well, if that’s the case... I can wait here all day!” “No!” A horrifyingly familiar voice boomed, as they all turned to look at the source of the voice, “You need to go now!” They all looked upward at the source of the voice, and were shocked to see a dark figure standing in the entrance to the kitchen, that emitted some kind of darkness, that ate up the light surrounding her, making it exceedingly hard to make her out. “I was nice enough to leave you out of my game, so I expect the same kindness from you!” She said, her voice somehow happy as can be, and yet horrifyingly sinister, “Now! Please leave, so I can make my friends love me even more!” The four were all confused as she said this. “Uh... what?” Alpha asked. “Nopony ever has time for me anymore!” The figure said, her voice mirroring Pinkie’s perfectly, “Between the boyfriends, and the chaotic magic… nopony has had any time to spend with me!” “Well- it’s been a busy couple of weeks—“ Twilight offered. “It’s not just that!” She giggled, “It’s been an increasing pattern! Soon Dashie and Alex will be moved on, Twilight will be a mommy, Rarity and Spike will be up in Canterlot, Applejack is always busy with work, and Fluttershy seems to be more worried about some dumb animals, than her real friends!” “It’s not like we’ll stop having time for you,” Twilight shook her head, trying to say more before she was cut off again. “Twilight, how the heck am I going to be able to convince a mother of a foal to come to my house to play pin the tail on the pony?” She asked, shaking her head as she continued giggling, “After all of you girls start popping out kids, there’s going to be nopony left to come and party all night with me!” “That’s not true!” Pinkie chimed in, hopping up and down, “You just said that AJ and Fluttershy weren’t having kids!” “Don’t try to debate yourself!” She shot back, her happy tone gone, “I’m sure those two will be dying to have a party with just the three of us!” Pinkie didn’t respond to that. “Okay, then why are you having these two fight each other?” Alpha asked, “What could that possibly have to do with all you just said?” “Well,” She returned, her tone much happier again, “If nopony likes each other, they’ll only have one person to fight over! And that’ll be me!” “So, your answer to spending more time with your friends, is to make them hate each other?” Twilight asked, appalled at the notion. “Of course!” She exploded in a fit of giggles, “They’ll all be fighting to spend their free time with me!” “Wait-“ Pinkie began, before she was silenced again. “Now, if you’ll all excuse me! I need to ruin this friendship!” With that, a wave of magic blasted out of her, that teleported them back to library, where they had been just moments before, standing in the very same positions. “Wow!” Pinkie said, astonished with the way that situation had gone, “That mare was nothing like me! How could she say that we were similar?” “Pinkie…” Twilight sighed, “I don’t think that’s the attitude that you need to have about this situation.” “I think you need to start getting ready to accept her,” Alpha added. “Oh, no she doesn’t.” Sorrow said from Pinkie’s back, sighing loudly before continuing, “She’s not looking for acceptance. She just wants to fulfill her wishes.” “Are you serious?” Twilight blinked, “Then… what do we need to do?” “I’m not sure.” Sorrow shook her head, “She came out of the mirror pool, maybe we could use that to help us somehow.” “Oh! I think I know just the—“ And then, in a very dignified manner, Twilight threw up on the floor. ////