//------------------------------// // Parent-Princess Conference // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// Advisory: Please set the "Formatting" to "Dark" before scrolling down. Thank you. A/N: When I have Undertale on the brain, I'm bound to go back to its characters. Warning: Slight spoilers are quite possible. Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Toby Fox. --- The Moment No Pony was Waiting For Season 5 "If that mockingbird don't sing... I'll wring it's neck." ~Eminem The parental figures and mentors in our life guide us to be better persons and give back to the world. And every once in a while, you've got to let the fire out and do a little burning to show who's the boss. Such as Toriel, the caretaker of the Ruins... ... and Celestia, the eldest princess of Equestria. I'm W and he's B, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. ---Death Battle--- Toriel -"Caretaker of The Ruins" -A play on the word "tutorial" -Hundreds of years old -Solver of puzzles, baker of pies, and a great audience for knock-knock jokes -Dislikes when new children want to leave -Fights with fire magic; can one-shot KO a flower or even her ex -Holds back much of her strength against a normal or pacifist child ("Hard Mode" will not be treated as canon) -Becomes a teacher in the "True Pacifist" ending A long time ago, the world was ruled by humans and monsters. But slowly, the humans' fear of the monsters grew, so they attacked the monsters first. In the end, the humans were victorious and they used their magic to seal the monsters underground. The monsters that survived the war long ago looked up to their rulers, the Dreemurrs. They were King Asgore and Queen Toriel, along with their son Asriel. For a while, they had it going alright, considering they were trapped underground. Hell, they even adopted the first human kid that got lost in their neighborhood. They had all sorts of good times like cooking snails into pies, reading facts' books next to the fire, and drinking golden flower tea. But... then, the kids accidentally poisoned their dad with buttercup flowers where the recipe called for cups of butter. I hate that dyslexia so much. To make things even more depressing, the adopted human child got the brilliant idea to poison themself to death with buttercup poisoning so that Asriel could absorb their soul and cross the humans' magical barrier. The symptoms of buttercup poisoning aren't pretty and include abdominal cramps, blisters on the skin, and bloody diarrhea. Oh gosh why! If you wanted to die so bad, just stick a knife through your heart. It's a lot cleaner. Why do you know that? How do you think I passed the bio-portion of my Poultry Science degree? O...kay, then. Long story short, Asriel's trip through the barrier didn't end very well and he died over a field of golden flowers, turning his body and the two souls within to dust. Furious at the humans for killing his son, Asgore swore revenge and made a decree that any humans that wandered underground were to be brought to him immediately so that he could kill them and take their souls. Legend has it that a monster that absorbs seven human souls would become a god and be able to destroy the barrier. But Toriel didn't like that idea very much, considering one of her children was a human. So, she dumped him, and pretty much recreated her home in the old ruins. She vowed to protect any other humans that fell down Mt. Ebott and prevent Asgore from stealing their souls. But even with hundreds of years of practice, six humans fell through her claws. It wasn't for lack of trying. Presumably, she always started out being as nice as she possibly could with every human that fell through. She helped them solve the puzzles within the ruins, gave other monsters the stinkeye when they tried to do anything to the children, and even offered them food and shelter. But, even the most patient of those humans couldn't listen to the 72 interesting uses of snails forever. That's when she applied her more aggressive terms. Toriel can literally fight with fire. Just one of these charged up fireballs can instantly knock Asgore out of the picture. And there seems to be no definitive limit to how many smaller fireballs she can sustain at once in any given battle. Despite this, she has a terrible habit of holding back and often gave into the children's desires to leave the ruins so that they could continue their journey. Also... she just stands there and takes whatever punishment comes her way. It doesn't matter if her child is waving a stick or a toy knife in her face, she just stands there and takes it! Depending on the timeline, this could very well lead her to a fatal end. Like every other monster that dies, if Toriel is killed, her body and her soul are turned to dust, blowing on the wind. Still, I don't know many average people that can survive being on *eff*ing fire! So, you'd better be darned prepared before you push your luck with this goat-mom. "Once you leave this place, please do not come back. I hope you understand." ---Death Battle--- Celestia -"Princess of Equestria" -One letter away from being an adjective, especially to a heavenly body; "celestial" -Hundreds, if not thousands, of years old -Provider of tasks, mentor to many unicorns, and a great audience for stand-up comedy -Increasingly portrayed as weak and helpless, despite being able to raise and lower the sun and moon on her own if she has to -Large arsenal of magic: levitation, teleportation, magical shields, beams, "dark magic" -Does not fight with full power unless desperation overtakes her Once upon a time in the magical land of Equestria... blah blah blah. Have you seriously not heard the beginning of this series a hundred times by now? ... Are you okay, B? Hulk threw her around in a previous battle, but then she avenged Luna against Goku. Power levels are bull-spit! Um... I'm going to get you some therapy later... and maybe another shooting range. *Ahem* Princess Celestia has lived for well over a thousand years, yet seems to have maintained a youthful appearance and energy. Over the years, she has founded a school for those gifted in magic, and has taken on at least two personal students to potentially succeed her. The most promising turned out to be Twilight Sparkle, the eventual personification of the Element of Magic and later Princess of Friendship. She also has a younger sister named Luna, but you fans have already gushed over that one enough by now. So, let's move on! Harsh. Anyway, she tends to take a hands-off approach, allowing room for her students to study independently and come to their own conclusions to their findings. As an alicorn, she is often regarded with respect by her subjects, carrying the flight of a pegasus, the strength of an earth pony, and the magic of a powerful unicorn. She can levitate objects from up close or as far away as the sun, teleport in a flash of light, put up magical shields which can repel enemies from multiple directions at once, and shoot beams for offense. It's also shown that she can activate life-size illusions from crystals using dark magic, though she tends to avoid using it in any other situation. As impressive as her magical arsenal is, she allegedly prefers to treat other ponies as her equals, taking joy in the smaller things in life such as tea parties, lighthearted jokes, and bad standup comedy. A clip plays of Discord saying, "And I can fly way better than Princess Twilight. Am I right?" Twilight Sparkle shouts, "Hey!" Celestia chuckles lightly. Lately, Celestia hasn't been fighting the forces of evil directly, as she isn't the story's main hero. But if you do so much as anything that rips away everything she knows and loves, she won't hesitate to get into the middle of a fight herself to strike... you... down. So, are you feeling any better now? A little bit, yeah. "The fate of Equestria is in your hooves." ---Death Battle--- Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all. Brought to you today by MTT Burger: Home of the Glamburger, the most glamorous burger you'll ever eat. Oh... yes! ... What the heck? Death Battle! ---Death Battle--- The scene opens in a rather dark location. Seriously, I can't see a thing. Is there something wrong with the lights? Erm... guess I'll just describe the shapes that I can make out. Let's see... I think that's a plant over there. There's something in a corner that looks bulky. Oh hey! Candles are lighting up around the room on top of a bunch of dinner tables. Additionally, a golden glow illuminates the head of someone trotting inside. She then stands in front of one side of a long table. From the other side, a monster with large feet and a purple and white robe walks in. "FIGHT!" Celestia's horn glows somewhat brighter. Fires erupt and float over Toriel's clawed hands. ... only to immediately fizzle as she grabs a chair and sits down. Celestia magically pulls another chair and performs a similar action. They both look to the back wall of this... arena. I'm sorry. What's going on now? "Fillies and monster-colts! Boy, do we have a show for you!" Spotlights shine on a stage area. It appears to be a calculator-shaped robot... walking on two human legs in high heels. I... I don't even... what? Erm... he's holding a microphone next to his red and yellow lights. "Please give a big round of applause to our performer for the evening: Sans the Skeleton!" The robot's legs get exchanged for a singular wheel. He rolls to the side as he claps two mechanical hands. Meanwhile, someone else takes a shortcut onto the stage. He appears to be completely white and wears a blue jacket. He chuckles. "Thank you very much, Mettat... and may I say that I see a fine-looking audience tonight?" The skeleton winks his eye socket. Toriel puts a hand against her chest and smiles. "In fact," continues Sans, "you might say I just goat to be here." Somewhere, someone performs a drum line. This is followed by a fake-laughter track. Although, Toriel's open mouth and her leaning back in her chair are genuine. Celestia raises her eyebrow at this. "Oh, spare me, Sans. You'd be boned either way." The sound effects guy plays a gasping audience clip. To the left of Sans, a flash of light reveals a creature composed of a patchwork of colors. It's hard to tell if he's standing or just floating an inch above the ground. Celestia stares more attentively at the stage now. "Hello, every monster! For those of you who've never heard of me, I'm Discord! I just flew in from Canterlot, and boy are my wings tired!" His blue-feathered wing and his black-leathery wing fall off as if to prove his point. Celestia's mouth line wriggles as she lets out a snort. She starts giggling against her better judgment. Toriel tilts her head. "Huh," Sans retorts, "then maybe you should eat some chicken. I hear they have much stronger, spicier wings." Toriel snickers. "And just who are you speaking for? You're all bones and no meat!" Celestia puts a hoof over her eyes while she smiles brightly. "Hey, now. No need to pick on the big-boned guy." Toriel holds both her hands against her belly. She looks like she's about to fall backward. "I'm sorry, Sans. As you can see, I'm all over the place tonight." Celestia's wings open wide as she holds a hoof against the table. She laughs so hard that she can't keep her eyes open. "Oh, that was you? I thought that was the 'dracon' in all of 'equus'." The goat-mom literally falls backwards, starting to pound a fist against the floor. "Really? That's your A-game material? I must roll my eyes." Discord takes out his eyes and tosses them onto the stage floor. When they hit his wings, all four of the body parts return to their proper places. Meanwhile, Celestia has fallen forward. Her hindquarters still rest on the chair, but the rest of her is on the floor as she laughs. "Well, you know what they say: cross your eyes and dot your teas." Sans holds an ice cube in one hand and a cup in the other. A tea bag with a marker's dot on it hangs from the cup. Toriel's eyes are watering from all the chortles she's letting out. "Oh, my. It seems we've left our audience in dis-chord." Discord rings a hotel lobby bell. Celestia stamps her hoof on the ground in her laughing fit. "Well, we were... Sans-ational." Toriel rolls along the floor to either of her sides. "Goodnight, everypony!" Mettaton presses a button and the fake applause drowns out the laughter of the two actual audience members. "L.O... L.!" ---Death Battle--- ... I don't get it. What the heck is so funny? Well, I'm not entirely sure. But if there's one thing that's consistent for both Celestia and Toriel, it's their funny bone. Should someone help them? I know laughter is supposed to be the best medicine, but not that much. I'm sure those comedians know the healthy limits for their respective persons... probably. And so, by "stage fatality"... The winners are Discord and Sans. ---Death Battle--- Next time on Death Battle... "Any minute now..." Vs. "Did I get stronger?" ---