//------------------------------//
// Always Afraid of the Change 
// Story: Crystal's Hopes 
// by Crystal Wishes 
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The air was stagnant and suffocating.  Crystal had already thrown her covers aside and lay on the bed with her limbs stretched in every direction, but her coat was still matted with sweat.  She stared up at the ceiling, praying for sleep, begging for slumber, wishing her eyes would close and the world would drift away for even just a few minutes.

Coming back to Canterlot was a mistake.  She didn't belong here.  She should just pack her things and stay in the Crystal Empire where her days were filled only with insignificant, small victories.  The weight of failure was too much and not worth the chance of success.

With an aching groan, she rolled over and off the bed.  Her hooves fell as softly as she could manage while her magic brought over her satin evening robe to wrap around her form in a soft embrace.  Who was she kidding?  She was a writer and a housewife.  She was no leader.  She had no business trying to manage other ponies.  Her place was on the couch with a quill and a fantasy.  Reality was not her place.

The apartment was bathed in moonlight, illuminating her path to the kitchen.  Tomorrow she had another support group meeting where she would have to listen as Bonnie spoke about the wonderful Madame Ouija.  Her and Weather's outlook certainly seemed better, but it left a sickening feeling in Crystal's stomach to see their smiles.  That happiness was based on a lie.

Crystal quietly set about the task of making herself a batch of tea.  It was the only true comfort she had left.  She had read Silent's letters so many times that she knew them by heart, and she had no clue when the next would arrive.  He was still on his secret mission, or at least she prayed to Luna that that was the case.  She didn't have the strength to find out otherwise.

"And he will, but beware, my dear: he will not return alone."

A shudder coursed through Crystal and her magic flickered out, dropping the teacup she had been levitating to the counter.  It hit the ground and the sound of it shattering echoed throughout the stillness.  Crystal winced when she heard the muffled sound of movement through Winterspear's bedroom door before it opened and the mare came barreling out.

Their eyes met and Winterspear's combat-ready posture relaxed, though her expression shifted to one of furrowed concern.  "Are you okay?"

"Mm."  Crystal nodded while her magic collected the broken shards to dump them in the waste bin.  "I'm sorry.  I lost my focus and—"

"It's fine."  Winterspear walked over and glanced at the boiling kettle.  "Can't sleep?"

Crystal sighed, closing her eyes.  "It seems that way."

"Would you like some company?"  Without waiting for a response, Winterspear leaned against the counter, reaching up into the cabinet to grab two teacups.

Crystal reopened her eyes with a soft smile.  "I wouldn't say no, though I don't want to keep you up."  She focused on retrieving two bags of tea and set them inside the teacups, then poured the hot water.  "I would hate for you to fall asleep while on duty because I have a little case of insomnia."

Winterspear's eyes softened as she stared at Crystal, worry creasing her brow.  "It's not a little case, though, is it?"  She cleared her throat and rubbed the back of her neck, gaze darting away.  "I may spend a lot of time at Iridescence's instead of here, but I'm not blind.  This isn't your first late-night cup of tea, is it?"

"No," Crystal admitted, sighing.  She idly bobbed the teabags up and down in the water that grew increasingly darker shades of brown as it steeped.  "But I'll be fine."  She flashed a smile.  "Besides, being up at this hour gives me more opportunity to talk to Silent."

"Oh yeah?"  A smile spread across Winterspear's lips as she looked out the window over the sink.  "How is he doing?"

Crystal hummed in thought while she gazed up at the twinkling stars.  They danced with confidence, their certainty in his safety never wavering.  "Alive and well.  He's thinking of us, I'm certain of it."

Winterspear tapped on the glass that separated them from the outdoors.  "You tell him to come home as soon as he can, all right?  He has a pretty wife and a big sister who need him."

The stars continued their graceful dance of twinkling, a few standing out as bright beacons.  Crystal smiled.  Those contained their love, carrying the precious feelings across the sea to wherever Silent was.

A companionable silence reigned supreme as they merely watched the night sky, idly sipping their tea once it was ready.  Crystal felt her body start to weaken with a hunger for sleep, but her mind was far too awake.  If she tried to go to bed now, she would just lie there in a horrible state of buzzing exhaustion.

"Why don't we have a sleepover?" Winterspear asked, looking over at her.

Crystal blinked a few times.  "A sleepover?  Where?"

Winterspear nodded her head toward the living room.  "Here?"  A shy smile and a scrunched nose overtook her muzzle.  "I never had sleepovers as a filly, but I do know they're more about companionship than sleep, and after the teacup scare, I don't know if I'll be able to go back to bed."

A sleepover.  When was the last time she'd had one?  The tension in her tired muscles eased as she giggled.  "All right."

"Great!  I'll get some pillows and blankets."  Winterspear started to walk away, then paused.  "Do we need anything else?"

"Oh, yes."  Crystal turned toward the pantry cabinets and hummed as her magic rummaged through them.  "We have some... ah, here!"  She showed Winterspear the canister of popcorn kernels.  "Popcorn!"

A laugh bubbled up and Winterspear cocked her head to the side.  "Popcorn?  What, for a film?  We don't have a projector, though."

Crystal pawed at the air with one hoof.  "Trust me.  If this turns out to be a proper sleepover, we'll have much more interesting things in need of popcorn than a film."

Winterspear laughed again, shrugged, and trotted off to start collecting pillows and blankets while Crystal made the popcorn.  Soon, the quiet night air was filled with the sound of kernels popping and mares giggling, especially when Winterspear retrieved a bottle of wine from the fridge to replace their tea.

The living room floor was transformed into a sea of fluffy comfort, and Crystal couldn't help but be reminded of Cloudsdale as she settled onto one of the two piles of pillows.  Memories of her foalhood up until the night she and Velvet moved in together swirled about her mind, filling her with a warm nostalgia.  Or perhaps that was the wine taking an early hold of her weakened state.

"So, what do we do first?" Winterspear asked, sipping from her glass before grabbing a hoofful of popcorn.

Crystal's tail swished.  "We talk.  About anything.  Or nothing at all.  Sleepovers are just a wonderful excuse to gossip."

"Gossip?"  Winterspear snorted.  "As if you Canterlot mares need an excuse for that."

Crystal gasped in mock offense, a hoof raising to her chest.  "Well!  I never!"

Winterspear returned the look with a grin.  "The truth hurts, doesn't it?"  She snickered and took another sip.  Her tone softened as she continued, "Are you still upset about the Bunny and Ouija situation?"

Crystal stared at her a moment, then pursed her lips.  "You're doing that on purpose this time, aren't you?"

"Huh?"  Winterspear furrowed her brow, then laughed.  "Right!  Bonnie.  Bonnie.  My question still stands, though."

For a moment, Crystal didn't answer.  She had to sort through the flood of thoughts going through her mind.  Slowly, her mouth opened, but no sound came out.  After a quiet whine, she mumbled, "Yes... and no."

Winterspear shuffled her forehooves and lowered her head down, peering over her wine glass, waiting.

Crystal sighed.  She ran a hoof through her mane, tousled it, then rolled over onto her side.  "I've lost my sense of self.  I'm gravely upset about Madame Ouija, certainly, but more than that, I'm lost.  Who am I?  I thought I knew.  I promised Silent that I would protect my ponies here while he protected his there, but it turns out I was a fool."  The muscles along her sides twitched in agitation.  "I was deluding myself into a false sense of authority."

They fell into another silence, this one less companionable than before.  There was a tinge of awkwardness on the air.  Winterspear searched for the words to say, but Crystal knew they wouldn't help.

"It is what it is."  Crystal inclined her head to carefully sip from her glass without spilling any.  "I'm exactly what I've always been: not a pony like you or Iridescence or Silent.  I was playing house, but now I need to return to what I'm good at.  Spinning fantasies is what a mare like me does."

"Okay, now just a minute."  Winterspear reached out and lightly slapped her hoof to Crystal's nose.  "You're the most us-like pony I know that isn't us.  Even Mom's said it."

Crystal looked up at her, lips pursed.  "But what do I do, then?  I've lost my position in the group.  What can I do to help?  To make a difference?"

Winterspear booped her again.  "I think it's more important for you to make a difference with yourself.  But if you want to make a difference with me, pass me the popcorn."

With a soft giggle, Crystal pushed the bowl across the blanket.  "Oh, I feel so fulfilled and complete.  Thank you, Winterspear."  Her ears wiggled.  "Or, dare I say, thank you, Winters."

The white of Winterspear's coat offered no shelter for the flush that invaded her cheeks.  "I—"  She huffed.  "I-I'm not embarrassed that we use nicknames!"

"Then why are you blushing?"  Crystal grinned.  "Are you still in the newlywed phase of your relationship?"

A squeak and a quick movement later, Winterspear had her face buried beneath two pillows, her wings flared out.  "Mmph!"

Crystal wiggled to crawl forward.  "Hmm?  I'm sorry, I can't hear you!"

The pillows on top of Winterspear went flying as she jolted upright with another squeak.  Her face was a shockingly bright shade of red that reached all the way to her ears.  "I'm—"  She sucked in a breath.  "I'm thinking... of proposing."

"What?!"  Crystal jumped up, dropping her wine glass and knocking over the bowl of popcorn in her rush to get closer.  "Winterspear, what?!"

Winterspear ducked her head and hunched while her wings stretched forward to cover her face.  "Y-You heard me!"

Crystal leaned down to duck her head under the wall of feathers, beaming up at her.  "That is amazing!  When are you going to propose?  Have you picked the ring already?  How are you going to do it?!"

The wings flared out and Winterspear backed away.  She puffed out her chest and quickly said, "I don't know, I don't know, and I don't know!"  She took a few deep breaths, then settled against the side of the couch that she had nearly crashed into.  "It's... I'm scared."

Excitement quelled into a nervous confusion.  "Scared?"  Crystal lowered her rump to sit down.  "Wh—oh."  Her ears folded back.  "Winterspear, it won't end up like that."

"How can I be sure?"  Winterspear's frame trembled as her gaze fell.  "I was so certain with Caramel, and look how that turned out."

Crystal swallowed.  She scooted closer and put her hooves to Winterspear's cheeks, forcing their eyes to meet.  "Were you?"

"Was I what?"  Winterspear nibbled on her lower lip.

"Were you certain?"  The nervousness was infectious as Crystal hesitated, but she forced herself to press on.  "I've only loved Silent, but that love is certain to me.  When I knew, I simply knew.  Did you know?"

Winterspear went silent.  Her eyes glossed over and her shoulders slumped.  "I—I thought I did.  But—"  She paused to take a deep breath and a weight seemed to be lifted from her as she smiled.  "But when I think about how I felt compared to how I feel, I think I was wrong.  This relationship with Iridescence, I thought it was just a fling and she was just using me to stand in for Silent.

"I love her, though."  Winterspear's voice was soft as she said the words.  "I love her.  I truly, truly love her.  More than I ever thought I loved Caramel.  I love raising Dot together, and I—"

Crystal put a hoof over Winterspear's mouth.  "I don't think these words are meant for me.  Save them for Iridescence."  She winked.  "I know she'll say yes."

"But you can't know.  What if she says no?  What if she says I'm just for fun?"

"I can and I do!  Iridescence is an honest mare and my friend.  She'll say yes."

With a soft smile, Winterspear pulled her into a tight hug.  "I'm so glad Silent has you," she whispered, burying her face into Crystal's mane.  "He better come home, or else I might just take you for myself."

Crystal couldn't help a laugh.  "What was all that about loving Iridescence!"

"What, are you saying I can't have a mistress on the side?"  Winterspear leaned back to grin at her.  "Fine, fine, I'll just marry you both.  Since you're an honest mare, too."

The laughter only returned in twofold and Crystal flopped over onto the scattered pillows.  Winterspear joined her, leaning back against the couch and draped a foreleg over her eyes, but Crystal caught sight of a tear falling down her cheek.

"Winter?"  Crystal sat up, stifling her laughter.

"I'm fine."  To the contrary, Winterspear's voice hitched.  "I just started thinking about—what if he—if he doesn't return?"

Crystal's lips fell into a somber smile.  "He will."

A chill seized Crystal and froze her in place as she heard that awful voice once again.  "He will not return alone."

Trembling, Crystal shook her head and repeated, "He will come home."

"This war wasn't supposed to be like this.  My father's war wasn't supposed to be like it was."  Winterspear pulled her hindlegs in and wrapped her tail around them.  "My father didn't return the same way he left.  What if Silent returns, but not the Silent we know?"

Crystal's ears drooped and she felt the trembling return.  "Do you think—"  Her throat felt dry as she forced the raspy words out from her nervous depths.  "Do you think that, perhaps, your father did return the same, but... perhaps, he returned with..."

Winterspear raised her foreleg to peer at her, brow furrowed.  "With who?"

"I don't know."  Crystal shook her head.  "I don't know.  I'm sorry.  My head is a mess right now.  Why don't we—oh."  She looked over at the spilled wine and winced, though simultaneously grateful for the easy change of topic.  "Mm, I'm going to invoke sleepover rule number nineteen: all messes are to be dealt with by the parents in the morning."

Winterspear blinked a few times, following her gaze to the mess.  "Uh, but won't we be the parents in the morning?"

Crystal shuffled over to her pillows and picked up a stray piece of popcorn.  "That's for us to decide in the morning.  I could also make Golden do it.  I'm sure she'll drop by for our lessons bright and early."

"How is that going, by the way?"  Winterspear tilted her head and grinned.  "I know the media is loving her new campaign.  Iridescence sure is.  She bought some new earrings from Golden's new line."

Crystal waved a hoof while her magic righted the wine glass and retrieved the bottle to refill it.  "We'll see.  She's changing, that's for certain.  She smiles more."  The very thought of it brought a smile to her own face.  "I think she's less lonely, and at the very least, that's worth everything."

Winterspear picked up her own glass and clinked it to Crystal's.  "Maybe the group leader thing didn't work out the way you wanted, but you're a good friend.  And your story's doing well from the volume of fan mail I've seen.  Isn't that better, anyway?"

Crystal giggled, taking a sip with her.  "I suppose it is pretty nice."  She kept the smile as sincere as she could, but her mind drifted.

She wasn't a leader.  She never had been.  So, instead, she was going to write and focus on the friends she had.  Once upon a time, that was all she ever wanted, so why should that be any different now?