Outskirts of Appleloosa – Tree Hugger's Cabin – Early Afternoon
"Ohmmmmmmmmmm..." Tree Hugger sat in a center pile of dusty rugs, her lower hooves nimbly touching and her upper limbs meditatively resting on her knees. "Ohmmmmmmmm..." She smiled with her eyes sleepily shut as her head teetered... teetered. "That's riiiiiiiight... go forth... forage... hibernate... take turns in enjoying the delicious cycles of life. Find your habitat and cover it with your scent. It is not property... it's territory... for we all belong to the natural fabric stretching before us..."
"Uhhhhhhhhhh..." Twinkleshine's eyes clenched tensely shut as her mind wandered in flip-flopping directions—as evidenced by her twitching ears. "Okay..."
"Mmmmmmmm..." With slow, oozing motions, Tree Hugger trotted down from her perch and shuffled alongside her "clients," one by one. "Breathe in... nature's scent... that's riiiiiight... and breathe out... mmmmmmmm... wildlife's musky perfuuuuuume... ohmmmmmm..." She brushed past Twinkleshine. "And what you discovered yourself to be, dear sister? Hmmm?"
"I... am an eagle... I think?" Twinkleshine's jaw tensed. "I'm doing loopty-loops over Canterlot Castle. That's... that's allowed, right? Is flying breaking the rules?"
"Not at all!" Tree Hugger smiled deliriously as she shuffled past. "Embrace your spirit animal. Feel the wind in your feathers. Be free. Cast your worries to the horizon."
"But... h-how is this going to help me forget about the changelings—"
"Be majestic. Be proud. Be soaring. Mmmmmmmmmm-yesssssss... that's righttttt..." Tree Hugger wandered by Minuette. "And what are you, my little pony?"
"Heeeeeeee..." Minuette grinned from ear to ear, her eyelids fluttering shut. "I'm a fluffy white bunny rabbit!"
"Mmmmmmm-indeeeeeed..."
"And my buck teeth are soooooooooooo sparkly! Heehee! I bet I could chomp through a whole mountain of doughnuts!"
"Yes, you can. You and your offspring." Tree Hugger performed a slow-motion pirouette around the minty-blue unicorn. "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the universe with your spirit animal selves and paint the cosmos with shiny fluffy fur. So pristine. So innocent. Wash away all impurities. Ohmmmmmm..." She came to a lumbering stop beside Lemon Hearts. "And what are you, sister?"
"I'm... uhm..." Lemon Hearts gulped. "...I'm a sleek dolphin sailing through the ocean. I think? Yeah. Totally a dolphin."
"Nopony's perfect." Tree Hugger smiled. She trotted across the room. "And you, musical one? Mmmmmmmmm... what are you?" She grinned, teetering in place. "A sparrow? A cricket? A howler monkey?"
"Errrrrrrr..." Lyra's face tensed. Her tail flicked annoyingly. "...still working on that..."
"Don't work. Just drift." Tree Hugger gestured with a limp hoof. "Allow your spirit animal to come to you."
"Is... is that possible?"
"Shhhhhhh... you're thinking too hard..."
"Well... dang it..." Lyra frowned, eyes opening ever so slightly. "...I have the color green in my head. So I was thinking... uh... a lizard, maybe? Like a chameleon or something? Their eyes sure are freaky cool—"
"Mmmmmm... reptiles... cold blooded... slow metabolism..." Tree Hugger cooed. "Be calm. Find your center. In that natural niche, the spirit animal will come out of hibernation. Yesssssss..."
"But... like... do I gotta put lettuce on a stick and draw it our or—?"
"Do not taunt the spirit. Fraternize with it."
"Look, this is really... really hard..." Lyra grunted.
"Only if you want it to be."
"Oh yeah?" Lyra raised an eyebrow, squinting at the "therapist." "How about telling us what your spirit animal is?"
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh... that's easyyyyyyyyy..." Tree Hugger stood up straight—teetering—and smiled blearily towards the walls of the room. "I'm a spreading oak tree."
Lyra blinked. Hard. "What."
"Mmmmmm... that's right..." Tree Hugger stretched back on her hind quarters and raised her forelimbs up at jagged angles. "...old and wise with several rings denoting the years of meditative introspection." She struck a graceful pose, standing on one hoof. "My roots go deep... and my limbs make a good home for dozens upon dozens of rodents. I am—in essence—a caregiver."
Silence.
Lyra stared with a gaping muzzle. At last, after several empty breaths, she blurted: "An oak tree is a plant."
"Mmmmmm... that's righhhhhht—"
"No, that's not 'right'." Lyra blinked again. "A tree can't be your spirit animal."
"Mmmmm?" Tree Hugger opened one eye. "And why not?"
"Because it's a friggin' plant!"
"It is a living being, alive with the great beating hum of all existence, contributing to the circle of harmonic continuity." Tree Hugger planted two hooves under her chin as her body bent back with a meditative grin. "The oak tree has been my spirit animal for yearssss."
Silence.
"... ... ...It's a friggin' plant!" Lyra shouted. "An animal is a free-moving heterotroph that relies on respiration to survive! A plant is a stationary eukaryote that derives energy from photosynthesis! An oak tree cannot be your spirit animal!"
"But an oak tree gels with just sooooooo many animals—"
Lyra gnashed her teeth. "You're a damned plant! Don't you get it?!" She flailed her forelimbs. "For buck's sake! Do you put any thought into these exercises or is it all just mumbo jumbo?"
"Lyraaaaaa..." Lemon Hearts growled.
"Okaaaaaaaay..." Tree Hugger squinted across the way. "...I'm not certain I'm feeling any positive resonance from your aggressive vibe at the moment? So I'm going to have to ask you to lower your enthusiasm just a scoach—"
"No. No! You're the qualified mental therapist here!" Lyra folded her forelimbs with a frown. "I want you to tell us why we all have to be animals but you get to be a plant!"
"But an oak tree is a spirit animalllll—"
"No it is not!" Lyra cackled. "My friends and I are in super need of some therapeutic release and here you are making us all frolic around in our skulls like damned kindergarten monkeys on parade!" She leaned forward with a glare. "Which was never a lesson that was indicated on the docket, by the way! I swear to Celestia—you're just pulling these genius 'sessions' out of your frickin' dreadlocks!"
"Yeesh, chill outttttttttt..." Tree Hugger waved a hoof. "I'm simply wanting to appeal to your harmonic corrrrrre." A drunken smile. "Psychiatry isn't an exact science."
"Are you shitting me?!" Lyra boomed, eyes wide. "What rat's nest of a medical school did they pull you out of, lady? University of Up Your Own Flankhole?!"
"There was no rat's nest," Tree Hugger purred, stretching again. "My roots run deep into the rich soil of the cosmossssssss..."
"You're a damned plant, lady!" Lyra spat. "Why not just come out with it—?!" She gasped as she was yanked aside. "Whoah!"
With an iron frown, Lemon Hearts pulled Lyra out of the room with her telekinesis. The front door slammed shut behind them, casting the cabin into tense silence.
"... ... ...I just found a carrot!" Minuette nervously chirped. "Eheheheh...?"