“What are you thinking?” Emulate asked after a few minutes of watching me silently pore over my notes.
“I’m trying to structure how I want this conversation with Chrysalis to go,” I answered, looking up from the page. “I’m still struggling to come up with a way to get her talking though… Is there anyone that she’s close with? Anyone she regularly talks to?”
“I… I don’t know,” she admitted with a shrug. “That would be something to ask the captain. I don’t really know that much about the Queen on a personal level.”
“Right,” I sighed. “…We might as well head back then,” I said. I’d finished eating, and there wasn’t any other reason to stay here. Rolling up the page, I stuffed it into my saddlebags as I put them on and headed for the door.
“Was there anything else you wanted to take while we’re here?” Emulate questioned.
“No, I don’t need anything else.”
“Oh…” she said, trailing off as if she expected something more. After a few minutes of walking, she spoke up again. “It’s a long walk between the tunnels and your house… I thought maybe you wanted something else, but… Was this really faster than just foraging with the others?”
“Probably. The parasprite population is more concentrated in the northeastern part of the forest. The tunnels are close enough to that area that I figured it would be mostly stripped of anything edible.”
“What! Why didn’t you say something then?!” She yelled, wings buzzing in outrage. “You were just going let everyone waste their efforts, when you could have just said something?!” She accused, flying ahead and blocking my path.
“Hey, calm down!” I shouted, backing up to get her out of my face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t really think about it,” I apologized. “…But, it’s not like you’re going to starve or anything,” I dismissed.
“Starving isn’t the point!” She argued with an emphasizing stomp, made angrier by my casual dismissal of the matter. “Our children need to eat regularly. If they don’t, their growth will be stunted,” she explained.
“Well, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it. We can tell everyone when we get back… it’s hasn’t even been two hours,” I reasoned.
She looked down and sighed, and I could feel the pressure on my chest increase as she tried to vent her anger and frustration.
“…Just,” she started after a few seconds, “just… please be more thoughtful from now on,” she asked of me.
“I will,” I said.
Emulate didn’t say anything else for the rest of the trip. I could feel that she was still upset, but I figured that if she wasn’t saying anything, then she just wanted some space for a while.
The pressure I felt from our strange connection slowly faded as we walked. I assumed this meant that she was calming down. By the time we made it back to the tunnels, it had disappeared altogether. From what little experience I’d had with Emulate’s company, it was odd for her to be quiet for so long. I took a glance at her from over my shoulder… only to find that she wasn’t there.
“Emulate..?” I asked, uncertainly, to the surrounding trees. “Emulate!” I called out, but there was no answer. I felt an adrenaline spike course through me as I started to panic. I was torn between running back to try and find her, or running inside to get help. “No, she’s… she’s probably fine,” I said, trying to calm myself down. She must have just gone off somewhere without telling me, I thought, going inside. I never heard anything, so she couldn’t have gotten attacked. None of the predators in this forest are quiet when they attack, and I would have heard her screaming, I tried to reassure myself.
It wasn’t working. I couldn’t shake the feeling of panic that something might have happened to her.
What if she lagged behind, and got lost? What if she stumbled into a patch of poison joke, and it took her voice away? I suddenly found myself running down the tunnels as progressively worse scenarios raced through my mind. Soon enough I was met by a group of armored changelings running down the tunnel towards me, the guards having most likely sensed my panic long before they could have heard my frantic hoofsteps.
“What’s happening?!” “Did they find us?!” “What’s the emergency?!”
These and more were all shouted at me simultaneously as we stopped in front of each other.
“It’s Emulate! She’s lost!”
Despite my frantic behavior, they all visibly relaxed.
“Where did you see her last?” One of them asked, stepping forward. It took me a few seconds to put a name to the familiar voice of Shift.
“We’ll handle this,” another changeling, whose voice I recognized as Switch, said to the others. They nodded and went back the way they came.
“We were coming back from my place, and I thought she was behind me, but when I got here, she was gone!” I explained in a single breath.
“Okay, okay, calm down,” Shift said, putting a hoof on my shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll help you look for her.”
“Alright, come on!” I yelled, running back towards the surface.
“Where was the last place you saw her?” Shift asked.
“I don’t know, it was a while ago. We stopped talking, but I was sure that she was still following me.”
“When do you think you got separated?” Switch asked.
“I don’t-“ I stopped myself as I realized. That feeling… it wasn’t fading because she was calming down, it was because we were getting farther apart! “Just a few minutes to the south! It was just after we left the paraspider area!”
We were back on the surface in short order, and I immediately took off into the woods, following the route Emulate and I had taken before. We weren’t running for very long before Shift and Switch called for me to stop.
“What is it? Did you find her?”
“There are several changeling coming this way,” Switch said, looking to the east.
“Is Emulate with them?”
“I don’t know,” he answered. “I don’t know her well enough to recognize by empathy alone,” he stated, to which Shift also nodded in affirmation.
“Let’s go meet them then,” I said, starting in the direction that they had been looking.
“We’ve already signaled them. They’re coming to us,” Shift said, stopping me only a few steps after I’d started.
We waited for a short while… but then I felt it. Relief and excitement washed over me with the return of that familiar sensation, and I started running towards it.
“Cotton, wait!” I heard the two of them call after me in surprise.
“She’s with them!” I shouted back, not stopping or slowing down. Crashing through the woods, our two groups finally came together. “Emmy, thank god!” I shouted, embracing her in a tackle-hug. “You scared the crap out of me! When you weren’t behind me anymore, I thought you might have gotten eaten or something!” I exclaimed, squeezing her tightly before letting go and putting my hooves on her shoulders. “*Sigh* Thank god you’re alright… You are alright, right?” I asked, looking her over.
“Yes Cotton, I’m fine,” she said with a smile. “I was just letting everyone know not to look for food in this area.”
“Why didn’t you say something?” I asked, taking my hooves off her shoulders. “Do you have any idea how freaked out I was when I found out you weren’t following me anymore?”
“Because…” She paused before answering, putting her thoughts together. “Because I don’t understand you, Cotton,” she said, sadness tingeing her voice.
“Wha-” Putting a hoof to my mouth, she didn’t let me continue.
“You’re always so locked off. You keep everything hidden inside, out of sight… We’re used to feeling what others are feeling… It lets us understand them, and blend in with them… But you’re so different. I’ve never encountered a creature that could bottle itself up so well,” she said, taking her hoof away. “And when you do let your emotions show… they’re so jumbled, and you crush them down so fast, that… I can’t really get a read on what you’re feeling, or why.”
“So you just wanted to see if you could make me freak out!?” I shouted at her in indignation.
“No. I wanted to see if I could really trust you… if you actually cared,” she calmly replied.
“’If I cared’?” I questioned in disbelief. “What the hell are you talking about! Obviously I care, or I wouldn’t be here!”
“I know that now,” she said, stepping forward and giving me a hug. “We’re used to a certain level of openness. Being unable to detect someone’s emotions puts us on edge. It makes it difficult for us to truly trust you… But in your panicked state, you opened up… at least a little. I could feel your joy and relief, clear, and genuine, when you knew I was alright,” She said, giving me a kiss on the cheek before pulling back away from me. “I’m sorry I worried you Cotton,” she apologized, looking into my eyes.
“…I… I guess it’s okay,” I said, looking down to the side, and managing to mostly ignore the rising heat in my cheeks. “I know my emotions aren’t very… stable… right now. But I’ve been trying to get them back under control.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s…” Hesitating for a moment, I decided to tell her. “…There’s a reason why my emotions have been so… chaotic…”
“What is it?” She quickly asked, her excitement rising at the prospect of me willingly opening up to her.
“Before Discord threw me into the Badlands, he did… something… to my head. Ever since then it’s been much more difficult to stay calm, and to keep my emotions under control. I feel like I’ve made a lot of headway in regaining control since then, but… it’s still a work in progress.”
“That’s terrible… I’m so sorry,” she said, giving me another hug. “I can’t imagine what it would be like if I couldn’t express my emotions properly… But,” she started, pulling back to look me in the face while holding my shoulders. “Why were you so apprehensive about telling me that?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t like talking about myself,” I said. “It always sounds like I’m making excuses. It’s my problem, and I’m dealing with it. There’s no reason to involve anyone else.”
“Oh, Cotton,” she sighed, shaking her head at me. “Letting others know that you’re struggling with something isn’t the same as making excuses. You need to learn to ask for help. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help.”
“It’s annoying though. I’m not going to go around bugging people over something I can take care of,” I asserted.
“Are you really taking care of it though?” She countered. “How long have you been struggling with this? How long will you continue to struggle? And how long ago could it have been taken care of, if you had just told someone? If you had just been willing to ask for help?”
“…Maybe, I guess… but-“
“No buts!” She cut me off, giving my shoulders a hard shake. “Now you are just making excuses! Let. Me. Help you.”
“Hmph,” I huffed, shrugging her hooves off me. “If you think you can do something, then go ahead. But I’m pretty sure that the only things that can undo Discords magic are the Elements of Harmo- Ah!” I yelped in surprise as she bopped my nose out of nowhere.
“You’re making excuses again,” she chastised. “If those old relics are the only things that can help you, then how is it that you’ve ‘made headway’ on regaining your control? Clearly you don’t actually need them. Now come on,” she beckoned, turning in the direction of the tunnels. “I may not know anything about healing mental wounds, but if we ask around, I know we’ll find someone.”
“Sure,” I said, rubbing my nose. Moving to follow her, I only now noticed that we were alone. The others must have left while we were talking.
A while later I found myself sitting across from Oscillate, or ‘Scil’, as she prefers. From what I’d heard while Emulate was going around talking to people, Scil was supposed to be one of the most magically astute changelings they had.
She had agreed to help me in exchange for some of Emulates excess energy, and for the last several minutes she had been silently scanning me. Eventually she stopped, opening her eyes as the glow faded from her horn.
“…There’s nothing there,” she stated.
“Excuse me?” I replied, both Emulate and myself giving her perplexed looks.
“Any spell that may have been cast on you has long since coalesced.”
“What do you mean it ‘coalesced’?”
“Well,” she started, sitting up straighter and seemingly going into lecture-mode. “Any spell that alters or distorts the natural state of an object, or creature in this case, leaves behind an echo. This echo is imprinted into the subject of the spell and, for those with the know-how, can be used to determine several things, including the nature of the spell that left it behind. This information can be used to, among other things, unravel that spell, dispelling its effects on the subject,” she explained. “…However, in time, this echo fades. The more it fades, the harder the original spell becomes to identify and disperse. Eventually, when the echo has faded completely, the spell is said to have coalesced with the subject. At that point, the original state of the subject can no longer be restored, as the spell is no longer needed to retain the induced changes.”
“*Sigh* God fucking dammit,” I whispered putting my head in my hooves. “Thanks for trying.”
“Of course,” she replied, getting up. “Sorry that I couldn’t help,” she apologized before leaving.
“…Augh,” I sighed again after Oscillate left.
“Cotton, I… I’m sorry,” Emulate said, trying to comfort me. “I didn’t know-“
“It’s fine,” I cut her off. Standing up, I looked at her, “it doesn’t change anything. I’ll just keep going on like I have been… Now come on,” I said, heading deeper down the tunnels. “This detour’s cutting into our work. I need to find Stern. I have some questions before we try talking to the Queen again.”
“Cotton, wait,” she asked.
I already knew what she was going to say, and I just sighed with my back to her.
“I know you’re upset, I felt it… Please be honest with me.”
“…I am upset… But we have more important things to do than dwell on the past.”
“You’re bottling up your emotions again! Please Cotton, just… be upset!” She pleaded, bounding around to look me in the eye. “Discord did something to you against your will, and now it’s too late to change it back! Pinkie and Twilight, and the other friends you told us so much about, they all abandoned you because of a few lies! You lost your place among the ponies, and now you have to live in this Queens-forsaken forest, and if any pony found out you were helping us, you’d be public enemy number one!” She desperately yelled at me while I kept my head lowered. “Your situation is terrible! Everything in your life has gone wrong! Don’t just push all of that into some dark corner!” She continued, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me. “You have every right to be upset! To be angry! Please, vent to me! I can take it! Don’t let everything fester inside of you like this! You’re not alone anymore! I’m here for you, and I’m not leaving!” She proclaimed, wrapping me in a tight hug. “…I know you don’t want to talk about it, but seeing you do this to yourself is killing me Cotton,” she whispered. “Please, just… let me know what you’re feeling… Just let it out… For me…”
I wanted to nitpick some of those details. It wasn’t just a few lies, and I still have Zecora, and nothing forced me to live in this forest, and… As the seconds of silence stretched on, I could feel her heart beating against my chest, and her forelegs holding on to me …Not everything in my life has gone wrong…
And I didn’t want this to go wrong.
“I am angry,” I whispered back, wrapping her in a hug of my own. “I hate Discord for what he did to me. I hate Twilight, and Pinkie, and Applejack, and Rainbow, and Rarity, and Fluttershy, and all of Ponyville for not giving me the chance to fully explain myself… I hate the socially awkward part of me that lied to them in the first place, and kept lying to them, all for no better reason than that I didn’t want to be the center of attention… I hate the part of myself that got so attached to her that it crippled me when she walked away... And I hate the part of me that still holds a grudge against them over something that I caused…”
I pushed us out of the tight hug so that we could look at each other. I knew this wasn’t exactly what she wanted from me… Just mechanically listing the things I hated.
“But… as bad as my situation might look… I’m not losing as much as you think I am. Not everything in my life has gone wrong like you think it has,” I said, bringing my hooves up to cup her face. “I’m sorry I’m not as expressive as you wish I was. I’m not going to change overnight... But we’ll have plenty of time to work on understanding each other better,” I said, leaning in and giving her a peck on the cheek. “I’m not leaving either. I promise.”
“…Okay, Cotton,” she said after a long pause. Leaning into my right hoof, she raised her own hoof to hold onto it. “I’ll try to be more patient about this, it’s just…” She paused for a second, “never mind. I promise to be more patient,” she said, not finishing her thought.
“It’s just what? Is something wrong?” I probed, bringing my hooves back to the ground.
“No, it’s just… Changelings experience love differently, and I know you’re not a changeling, but… it’s just hard, you know? To be fight your instincts all the time.”
“I… don’t…” I slowly said, genuinely confused. “Can you explain it?”
“Well, it’s like I said before, about how we’re used to openness and have a hard time trusting people who keep their emotions hidden,” she began. “Being so empathic as we are, love, for us, is on a whole other level. When two changelings are in love, their hearts reach out to each other, forming a deep bond between them… They can always feel each other, and they feed each other, maintaining an equilibrium between them. But… you’re not a changeling... and we cannot bond like that,” she said, tears starting to form in her eyes. “My heart reaches out to you…” she raises her hoof towards me, “but it finds nothing reaching back,” she concluded, placing her hoof over her chest. “It feels like my love I’m being ignored… We connect, briefly, when your love comes to the surface, but… when you pull it back… the connection breaks, and my heart aches with rejection,” she says, sniffling and wiping at her eyes.
“Oh, Emmy,” I said, pulling her back into a hug. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea…”
“I know,” she replied. “I knew you didn’t mean it, but you reacted so badly last time I tried talking to you about your emotions… I didn’t want to bring it up again so soon.”
“*Sigh* Yeah, I know I can be really testy, but… like everything else, I’m still working on it…”
We stayed like that for a while, reassuring each other… But we really did have an important task to worry about. Moving on, we eventually found captain Stern so that we could learn more before talking to Chrysalis again. My question was met with a disappointing answer, however.
“No,” he replied when asked if the Queen had anyone she was more open with. “If there were anyone like that, I would have called on them instead of you. Sadly, the Queen has been quite solitary since her mother’s passing.”
“Crap, that's gunna make things harder,” I said with a sigh. “...Do you have any ideas on how we can get her to start talking to us?” I asked, to which the captain merely shook his head.
“I never had very much contact with the Queen in the time before becoming her Captain. My father might have known such things, but...” he trailed off, looking down. Emulate lowered her head as well, which made me realize.
The captain who died with the last Queen! “I'm so sorry for your loss,” I said. “We've been so worried about Chrysalis that I didn't even stop to think-”
“You,” he interrupted, stabbing a hoof into my face, and coming only mere millimeters away from outright punching me as I instinctively flinched back. “-Will address the Queen with the proper respect.”
“With all due respect,” I sarcastically replied, “'proper respect', sounds like social isolation, and that is not what she needs right now,” I said. His eyes narrowed, clearly not liking my lip, while I tensed up, getting ready to dodge if he took a swing at me. “Why do you think I was looking for someone who's more friendly with her? I think she just needs someone to talk to. Someone who isn't pressuring her to perform all the time,” I accused. “Someone that she doesn't feel like she's already disappointed.”
“I have always been supportive of the Queen, in all of her endeavors,” he angrily proclaimed.
“Then why aren't you the one I'm looking for?” I countered. “Why won't she open up to you, and let you comfort her?”
He struggled to find an answer, and his anger quickly fizzled out.
“...I don't know,” he sorrowfully admitted, his head down in despair.
“...I don't know either,” I said after a pause. “I don't have much experience with this social bullshit... but not everyone's cut out to handle isolation. I don't know what you've done, or what you've tried to do... but it hasn't worked out. We need to try a different approach.”
Several seconds passed as he mulled it over in his head... Eventually, Emulate interjected.
“Sir?” She questioned. “If you're not comfortable with this, then... perhaps it would be for the best if Cotton and I... spoke with the Queen alone?”
“...Perhaps it would,” he answered. “As I am now, my presence would merely agitate her.”
“Whatever you want, I guess,” I said, uncertainly. She might still be mad at him, but... I don't know if making her mad would be a good thing or not... Pissing her off might be the only way to get her to interact with us, but, at the same time, it could be dangerous if she lashes out at us...
“Do you think he should come anyway?” Emulate asked, sensing my uncertainty.
“I don't know,” I said with a sigh, raking a hoof over my scalp. "Making her angry could be dangerous for us, but at the same time, it might be the only thing we can do to get through to her in the state she's in.”
“...I think,” Emulate started, sounding slightly nervous. “...We should save intentionally angering the Queen as a last resort.”
I nodded in agreement as I started walking away, heading for the Queens chamber. Pulling my notes out of my saddlebags, I scratched a line through a bullet point called 'friends' with a question mark.
“...So... you have any ideas?” I asked her. “'Cause all I've got is asking her questions until she answers. Maybe annoy her a little by pretending she's answering with silly or embarrassing replies,” I elaborated. Emulate quirked an eyebrow at me. “Well, I figure, eventually, she'll at least tell me to shut up. And that's progress.”
Having no better ideas herself, Emulate offered to help support my plan however she could. We spent a few minutes strategizing before taking the plunge and going back down to Chrysalis' room.
“-Lavender?” I Questioned, making sure my pen was tapping as loudly as possible as I pretended to record the non-response to what her favorite color was. “Well, that's kind of unexpected, I would of thought you were more of a teal,” I said. “Oh? When you were little, there was a lavender bush you'd hide inside whenever you played hide and seek? Well, that makes sense then...”
During our strategizing, Emulate and I had determined that asking questions one after the other, as Chrysalis blatantly ignored us, wouldn't be very effective at drawing her into actually interacting with us... So, I was using the idea of pretending that she was answering me, recording her 'answers' with my clipboard, and then making up a little story, as if she were explaining why such was her answer.
“...That's pretty cool... So, what kind of music do you like?”
I was currently pulling pretty much all of the weight with this strategy, despite Emulates pledge to help me. She was getting visibly nervous the closer we got to our destination, and the instant we were actually in the Queen's presence, she suddenly didn't seem as on-board with this plan as she had been. And I could understand that, I mean, it's the difference between laughing it up with a friend as you plan to egg the principle's car, and actually showing up to school with a carton of eggs. All the bravado disappears as soon as any real potential consequences come into play.
But still... “Ocarina? Dang, I totally had you pegged as a guitar sort of girl...” It's not like this isn't incredibly awkward for me too, I thought, sending a glance at Emulate, standing over by the entrance with a deer-in-the-headlights sort of look on her face. “Ah, so a wondering minstrel was to blame. I understand how a really well played bit of music can just get stuck in your head, right Emmy?” I asked, trying to get her involved in this.
“Oh, um, yes,” she lamely replied, to which I gave her a deadpan look. Breaking off from the fight to goad a response from Chrysalis, I walked over to Emulate.
“Emmy, what's wrong with you? Why are you so scared?” I whispered.
“What? N-no, no, I just... I know we need to help, but, I really don't want to upset the Queen any more than we already have,” she whispered back. “Maybe we should... come back tomorrow? Just give her some more time?”
“What are you feeling? Is she still that mad about-”
“Would you just shut up already,” said the least likely source of speech in the area as she rolled over onto her other side. “I can't sleep with all of your incessant prattling,” she continued without opening her eyes. “Leave me,” she commanded.
“No.” I heard Emulate gasp as the Queens eyes snapped open. “We're not leaving this time. Not until you're done moping,” I said, looking her straight in the eye.
I was prepared to defend myself, waiting for her to try attacking me for my defiance... But instead, she seemed to deflate as she simply closed her eyes again.
Being able to feel her emotions myself would be really handy right now I thought, not wanting to take the time to ask Emulate. “That's it?” I asked. “What happened to the changeling that would shock me every time I spoke out of turn?”
I sighed when there was no reply.
Back to the silent treatment... “I think I have an idea of what's bothering you... Will you tell me if I'm wrong?” I didn't think I'd get a response, but I paused anyway. “...I think you've been alone for a long time... Alone in a sea of loyal subjects who don't really see you... just your crown.” I paused again, knowing she wouldn't respond, but leaving the option open for her. From what I saw before, this should get a response from her. “...How long has it been since you had someone you were close with? Has there been anyone since your mother passed?”
“You will not speak of her!” She commanded, actually sitting up to glare at me.
“I will speak of her!” I defied, not backing away as she stood to her full height. “The fact that you won’t even let anyone mention your mother shows that you aren’t over her death yet. You can’t just ignore it. You need to face that pain, and get over it!”
“That's rich coming from a pony!” She angrily spat. “When have you ever had to suffer! When have you ever lost anything important! How could you possibly know what it’s like!” She shouted as poor Emulate tried to shrink away into a corner in order to avoid her Queens wrath.
“What what is like!?” I shot back. “The feeling of losing the only person you were ever close to? The feeling of hopelessness when you realize there's nothing you can do to save them? Or the hollow feeling when you put empty box into the ground?” I asked, eyes watering against my will as those old memories were pulled forward. There was a change in her eyes as we stared each other down. The intensity of my own emotions conveying to her just how much I knew what I was talking about. “Our situations may be different, but I know what loss feels like, and I know how hard it can be to come back from... but you can’t let it dominate your life. Your misery won't bring them back. It only holds you down.”
“You think I don't already know that?” She asked, her anger subsiding.
“Then why are we down here? Why aren't you up there doing your job and being their Queen.” She looked down to the side, like there was something that she didn't want to admit. “I'm not psychic. You need to say it out loud,” I prodded.
“I'm a failure,” she half sobbed, collapsing back to the ground. “I've brought nothing but suffering and death to my subjects. How can I continue to lead them after all I've done?” She cried into her hooves.
I sighed in frustration, raking a hoof over my scalp again. “Listen... you are clearly a good and caring Queen. The fact that you’re beating yourself up like this proves at least that much,” I reasoned. “But you can’t just give up and abandon them now. Captain Stern is working himself to the bone trying to keep everything together in your stead, but that won’t last. Sooner or later, they will start asking where you are. What you’re doing… Why you’ve abandoned them...”
“They're better off without me.”
“Are they-”
“That's not true!” Emulate burst out, interrupting me as she finally got over whatever anxiety was holding her back. “Things may have gone bad, but everything you've done has been for our sake! Even when you don't explain your decisions to us... we still understand that,” she said, bowing low, rather than looking at Chrysalis.
“I really don't like this blind faith mentality you all seem to have,” I stated, watching as Emulate maintained her bow. “Like Ghandi said, 'faith should be enforced by reason', so for what reason did you order the attack on Canterlot?” I asked, returning my gaze to the Queen. “I understand the significance of unraveling Princess Cadence's special power, but why did you change the plan so drastically, and without even telling anyone what you were doing? How was that supposed to benefit your subjects?” I demanded.
“Cotton!” Emulate exclaimed, “don't-”
“The same reason I tried to give up on,” Chrysalis weakly replied, Emulate cutting herself off the instant she started to speak. “I was drunk on power, and I thought that I could finally achieve my dream. To make a place that my changelings could call home,” she sadly explained, eyes still watering.
“What power?” I asked, although I was pretty sure of what it was.
“...It was a guardspony. The Princess's lover,” she said, voice becoming reverent. “His love was so strong, so intense... I couldn't help but to drink of it, and when I did, it felt... unending,” she explained, giving a slight shiver at the memory. “I gorged myself, and after only a few days, I was more powerful than I had ever been... Than any Queen had ever been. I felt... unstoppable,” she trailed off, the sadness returning to her countenance. “...But I wasn't...”
“...And now what?” I questioned.
It was time to shift the conversation. She'd started talking to us, and she'd admitted the feelings that were holding her down. Now we just need to convince her to take action.
She looked at me, confused.
“What are you going to do now?” I reiterated. “Your changelings have lost their homes, and some of them even lost their lives because of you... How are you going to repay them for that misjudgment?”
“Cotton..!” Emulate stage-whispered at me, coming out of her bow as Chrysalis returned her head to the ground, fresh tears coming to her eyes.
“No,” I cut her off. “Let her speak. Chrysalis, what will you do?”
“I don't know!” She sobbed into the ground.
“Their suffering cannot be repaid by yours,” I relentlessly continued. “You are their leader, you don't have the luxury of feeling sorry for yourself. You need to take action. How are you going to repay them for their loyalty and their blood?” I pressed.
“Shut up!” She screamed, her horn flaring to life as I was flung into the wall. I had just barely enough time to cushion the impact using my own magic, but I remained pinned to the wall as she approached. “If you think you're so great, then you tell me!” She shouted into my face, her anger tinged with desperation. I could tell that she truly wished for me to have the answer.
“I don't know.”
I suddenly dropped to the floor, and I could practically see the life draining from her eyes as she did as well.
“What am I supposed to do?” She quietly cried, hooves pressed against her head like she was trying to squeeze the answer out of her brain. Seeing her despair at not being given an answer, I sighed, continuing...
“I'm sorry, but... there's nothing 'great' about me, and I don't have any answers to give you. I put up a good face, but I don't know anything about what it's like to be a leader... to have all of that responsibility weighing you down... But I do know a changeling who can help get you on the right path.” I had to work very hard to keep my emotions flat as she looked up at me with a desperate need in her eyes. Broken... in despair... and fully open to suggestion... All according to plan. God, I am such a bastard for doing this to her, but she never struck me as being particularly willing to listen to others. “You should talk to Stern,” I told her. “He's more than just your head guard, he's your second in command. Just because you're the Queen, doesn't mean you're the only one allowed to think. Lean on his support, and ask for his advice. You'll find the answer together,” I advised.
She looked down, contemplative.
“But before any of that,” I started, looking towards the exit where Emulate was already waiting. “...You need to leave this room,” I said, extending a hoof towards her. “Everyone wants to help you,” I continued when she looked hesitantly at my hoof. “...You just need to let them.”
She hesitated for a while... but eventually, she reached out for my offered hoof, and I helped her stand.
Stern was waiting for us when we entered the main tunnel. Emulate and I left him and Chrysalis to talk things over, leaving the two of us with no official duties to perform. I wasn't really sure of what to do with this free time. Normally I'd use any free time to study some magic or work on my experiments, but I couldn't really do either of those things anymore... At least not without catching more parasprites.
“Cotton?” Emulate called, pulling out of my train of thought.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Can I ask you something?” She asked, stopping.
“You just did,” I replied, grinning at her.
I stopped when I noticed her serious expression.
“Are you a... sociopath?”
“What?” I asked, recoiling my head in surprise. I was definitely not expecting that.
“The Queen may have been too wrapped up in her own emotions to notice, but I did. You were pleased,” she accused. “Happy, even, when she was completely broken and begging you for direction,” she said, giving me a sad, but also angry, look.
“No! I'm not a sociopath. I'm just... goal oriented. I don't get any pleasure from making people grovel before me,” I assured her. “We didn't exactly have time to waste on the slow and sensitive approach. I needed her to be in a state of mind where she would actually do what I told her to. So that's what I did. Any satisfaction I may have felt was purely the result of knowing that I succeeded in that,” I explained.
“...How is that a no?”
“Because there was no malicious intent to what I did. We needed Chrysalis back on her hooves again so we could hurry up and get to work on our next goal.”
“'Our next goal'?” She repeated. “Are you our leader now!?” She asked in outrage.
“No! Obviously not, but you can't deny that there are things that need to be done! You can't just hide in these tunnels until you die, or the world starts liking you.”
“What would you have us do then?” She demanded.
“That's not my decision, and wasn't my point,” I rebutted. “The point is that, whatever they decide to do, they can do it now. Now that they aren't distracted by... other things.” She frowned at me.
“This didn't fix anything. She needed help, not... what you did.”
“You're right,” I said, which made her start in surprise. “...And now we have all the time in the world to actually help her. She needs friends that she can open up to, not just subjects who respect her. We can be that for her, and eventually she'll get better. Actually better.”
“...Okay,” she sighed, looking a little nervous at the idea of trying to be friends with her Queen. “...You will apologize to her,” she ordered.
“I was already planning to,” I replied, to which she nodded her head in approval.
That done with, we continued onward, aimlessly walking back up to what amounted to the main living area. The atmosphere still felt a bit... off... between us though as we walked side-by-side.
We've been arguing a lot these last few days, I thought with a sigh. I should apologize somehow, but... I don't know... What can I do that would be nice for her..?
“...Hey, Emmy?” I slowly, nervously, asked.
“Hmm?” She answered, just briefly glancing at me.
“This might be a weird time to ask, but... would you... like to go out somewhere?” I hesitantly asked, more nervous about this than I was about talking to the Queen.
Stopping, she looked at me with a deadpan expression for several seconds as I felt little beads of nervous sweat gather on my forehead...
And then she smiled, and laughed.
“Yes. I think I'd like that.”