My Little Pony: Friendship Is Absurd: Equestrian Gals: Rainbow Mocks

by Lord Seth


Rainbow Mocks Part 1

It was a beautiful day in Equestria… but that’s not where our story begins. Instead, our story begins in a restaurant, where many people were arguing, except for three hooded figures in the corner that were softly singing. A small green fog covered the floor, which then headed straight towards the three figures, as if it was being absorbed by them.

The three figures stopped singing and removed the hoods, revealing hair far too large to plausibly fit under the hoods and now allowing the narrative to refer to them by name. “That was barely worth the effort,” grumbled Aria. “I’m tired of fast food, Adagio, I need a meal.”

“The energy here isn’t the same as in Equestria,” said Adagio. “We can only gain so much power here.”

“I knew that, Adagio,” said Aria with an edge in her voice. “Why did you feel the need to remind me?”

“Because if you’re not going to stop grumbling about it, I’m going to keep pointing it out until you do! It’s not like there’s much we can do about it.”

“Ugh,” said Aria as she slumped in her chair, “I wish we’d never been banished to this awful place.”

“Really?” asked Adagio sarcastically. “I love it here!”

“For realsies?” asked Sonata, speaking for the first time in this scene. “Because I think this place is the worst. Except for the tacos, anyway.” Her eyes widened and she licked her lips. “Tacos…”

Adagio had to exercise tremendous restraint to prevent herself from facepalming. Aria, not having that restraint, did facepalm. “Sonata, you have to get over this ridiculous obsession about tacos.”

“Oh yeah? Well what about your obsession with–” started Sonata, but what probably would have been a pretty funny punchline was interrupted by Adagio noticing some kind of light out the window and dashing out of the restaurant. Sonata and Aria stared for a moment, then ran after her.

The light faded shortly after Adagio exited the restaurant, but she continued staring off in its direction.

“Uh, so what’s going on?” asked Aria.

“Do you know what that was?” asked Adagio as she gestured towards the sky.

Sonata and Aria shrugged. “Enh?”

“That was Equestrian magic!” snapped Adagio. “You know, giant pillar of light?”

“It could’ve just been a weird firework celebration,” said Aria. “Besides, this world doesn’t have Equestrian magic.”

“That was not what fireworks look like! As for the world not having Equestrian magic, it does now! And we’re going to use it to make everyone in this pathetic little world adore us.”

The three struck a menacing pose. Then they realized the pointlessness of doing so when there wasn’t anyone around to take pictures of them, so they opted to head home instead.

“Finally!” declared Adagio as they walked. “I was starting to think we were actually stuck here for good! All we have to do is figure out exactly where that light came from! That could probably take a few months. And then–”

Adagio found herself interrupted by someone coming up from behind and covering her mouth with a cloth, as did Sonata and Aria. They all shortly passed out.

“Ugh,” groaned Adagio as she got up, rubbing her head. “What just happened?”

“I think someone made us pass out with chloroform,” said Aria.

“Ahhh!” screamed Sonata as she looked down. “The pendants are gone!”

“Yet, oddly, not our wallets,” noted Adagio. “Whenever anyone tried to rob us before, we always just sang to them to make them stop… but this group of robbers went straight for covering up our mouths, preventing us from doing that. And they took only the pendants. The only explanation that comes to mind is they actually knew about the pendants’ power and wanted to steal them for their own benefit.”

“This is bad, right?” asked Sonata.

“Yes,” snapped Adagio as her eye twitched, “this is very bad!

“Okay, fearless leader, what’s the plan?” asked Aria.

Adagio grimaced. “Okay, so based on the fact they took away the pendants and nothing else, and also the fact they knew to cover our mouths to stop our singing, it’s highly probable that they somehow did know their powers. Still, there’s a chance they don’t, so we need to keep an eye on the pawn shops in case they pop up there. But if the thieves did know how the pendants work, they’d presumably be trying to enact our plan, so we need to make it a point to keep an eye on wherever that magic came from, because they’ll be going there to try to make use of it.”

“And in the meantime, no pendants to make it easy for us,” said Aria. “At least we did store up all that cash just in case.”

“Relax, girls!” said Sonata. “As long as we have tacos–”

“Okay, you know what?” asked Aria. “The next time the word ‘taco’ comes out of your mouth, I’m going to punch you in the face.”

“Eep!” said Sonata.

“Okay,” said Adagio, “here’s the deal. I’ll try to figure out where that light came from. Aria, you keep an eye on any place that might buy those pendants, just in case the thieves try to pawn them off. Sonata, you… uh… um… stay out of the way.”


Three shadowy figures stood in the shadows, as shadowy figures are wont to do, though these were three shadowy figures that were not the three figures wearing the hoods mentioned at the start, in case that wasn’t clear.

“Come on, Thunder Strike, who’s the better leader?” asked one gleefully. “This plan of mine is totally being more successful than anything you came up with when you were the one making up the plans. You never would’ve thought to use those Wonderbolts uniforms we stole to help us sneak into the castle.”

The aforementioned Thunder Strike folded his arms. “Stormy, talk is cheap when you haven’t completed your plan yet. In fact, you’ve really only accomplished yet another step in this seemingly endlessly convoluted plan rather than getting to the actual goal. Getting those pendants was, what, Step 24? Or was it Step 24.5, considering stealing the pendants was a backup plan in case Twilight didn’t take over due to that whole Alicorn Amulet thing?”

“Doesn’t matter,” said Stormy Skies, “because there’s only three steps left. Step one: Figure out how to use these pendants. Step two: Use them to take over the world. Step three: Profit.”

“Fine, whatever,” said Thunder Strike. “But can we go to somewhere where there’s lights? It’s way too dark here. I mean, I know we’re the Shadowbolts, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have some lights on while we’re discussing things.”

“Fair enough. Now, it might take a little while to master the usage of these pendants. But once we do, we’ll be able to use them to make everyone in this pathetic little world adore us.”

“Hrm,” said the third figure.

“Okay, that’s it,” said Stormy. “Maelstrom, you have to start actually talking. I’m tired of you saying nothing but ‘hrm’ all the time.”

“Hrm?” asked Maelstrom Tempest.

Stormy looked like she was on the verge of hitting him in the face. “Stop doing that!”

“Oh, come on,” said Thunder Strike. “That’s just sort of his thing. You’re the bossy one, I’m the smart one, and he’s the quiet one.”

“Excuse me? I’m the smart one of this group. If you’re so smart, then why didn’t a single plan of yours to conquer Equestria work? You can maybe blame the first one on Nightmare Moon being an idiot, but since then it’s been all you.”

“You haven’t taken anything over yourself, you know. And I think you’ve just been lucky so far that the plan has worked.”

“And how was I lucky?” demanded Stormy.

“Uh, let’s see,” said Thunder as he counted off on his fingers. “First, that this was the world the Sirens were banished to. Second, that they happened to be so close to where we emerged that it was possible to grab those pendants. Third… wow, these fingers are useful for this. Anyway, third, that they didn’t put up more of a fight when we grabbed them. Fourth–”

“Who cares? It worked, didn’t it?”

“I’m just pointing out, after your initial plan to just be Twilight’s sub-lieutenants after she took over failed due to her, you know, being snapped back to normal, you would’ve had absolutely nothing to show for this if you didn’t get lucky with finding the sirens!”

“Hey, I gave you the interesting part of the plan! At least you got to go to the dance to see what would happen. I got stuck waiting around watching the sirens so that if the Twilight plan didn’t fail, we’d know where they were to snatch those pendants from as a backup.”

“Ugh, whatever,” said Thunder. “I’m tired of discussing things we already know. Let’s figure out how these pendants work.”

“My real question is how in the world Maelstrom is going to help considering he never talks, so how is he going to sing?” asked Stormy.

“I don’t know maybe he can just vocalize or something,” said Thunder. “But hey, be glad that we can actually refer to ourselves as the Shadowbolts in this world without having to worry about infringing on the trademark of the Wonderbolts. I mean, it’s not like there would be some team in this world that happened to be called the Shadowbolts as well, right? What are the odds?”

Seven chapters of Friendship Is Absurd later

“And it’s so nice to have our own castle! In Equestria! That’s tax-free!” said Trixie. There was a pause. “You’re not going to grumpily say ‘I know, Trixie’?”

“Why bother?” asked Sunset. “You keep insisting on saying things I already know anyway.”

“You mean like the fact we got this castle as a result of that whole Tirek business?”

“Yes,” said Sunset. “Ugh, I still feel exhausted from all that. And I find it a little disturbing that I’ve become so desensitized to having to deal with ultra-powerful beings trying to take over the world that that’s my reaction rather than some kind of post-traumatic stress disorder.”

Just then, a ringing sound was heard. Trixie looked around. “Is that an alarm or something?”

“No,” said Sunset. “It’s just a cell phone I got from that alternate universe I visited.”

“You mean that adventure that you’ve never spoken of again until this point for no apparent reason?”

“Yes!” snapped Sunset. “I should probably get this. Who is even calling me? I thought these things weren’t even invented here!”

Sunset pulled the phone out of a bag and pushed a button on it. “Who is this?” she asked.

“This is Twilight,” said a voice from the phone. “I was hoping I would get ahold of you.”

“Wait, Twilight? How did you get this number?”

“Because this is the cell phone I gave you before you left? How would I not know?”

“Oh!” said Sunset. “You mean you’re the Twilight from that alternate universe but who was actually originally from this universe, as opposed to the Twilight in this universe who was originally from your universe because the two of you swapped spaces several years ago. And I’m sorry for phrasing that so weirdly, but deal with Trixie enough and it just happens! How were you able to make a call across universes, though?”

Twilight presumably shrugged on the other end. “I made sure to get a phone with a really strong signal. It’s why I wasn’t able to call before now; I didn’t want to spend a bunch of money on a phone in the hopes it would be able to call you. This thing wasn’t cheap. I only did it now because I really needed to get in contact with you.”

“Uh, okay. So what’s the emergency?”

“Well…” started Twilight.


“Do you want me to remind you how many days it’s been since our pendants got stolen?” asked Aria in a bored voice.

“No,” said Adagio.

“Okay,” said Aria in an equally bored voice. “Do you want me to remind you how many days it’s been since you came up with your brilliant plan of enrolling as students at this school on the grounds of it being the most likely place to find the pendants, as you tracked down that big light show to this school?”

“Aria, if you have something to say, say it.

“I’m merely pointing out, fearless leader, that thus far your plan doesn’t seem to be bearing fruit.”

“Hey, some trees do take a while to bear fruit,” said Sonata.

“That analogy doesn’t even make sense!” said Aria.

“Does so!” said Sonata as she stuck her tongue out at Aria. “You mentioned bearing fruit, and my analogy mentioned bearing fruit. It makes perfect sense!”

Adagio sighed. “You two were annoying enough when we did have the pendants, and now you’re even worse. If it wasn’t for the fact that I’ll need you two after we get the pendants back–”

Adagio was interrupted by the doors of the cafeteria suddenly bursting open and an unseen orchestra starting up as three students walked in singing.

“Ha!” said Adagio as a rather catchy musical number started up. “See? I told you they’d come here. Now all we have to do is find the right time to snatch the pendants back, and victory will be ours!”

“Eep!” said Sonata. “What if they recognize us?”

Adagio and Aria stared at Sonata.

“Isn’t that a valid question?” asked Sonata.

“Sonata,” said Aria, “were you somehow not around when we spent all that time getting these disguises ready so we wouldn’t be recognized? Disguises we’re wearing right now? I mean, this morning we spent all that time making our skin look to be a different color than normal to make us harder to recognize.”

“Oh yeah,” said Sonata, “that does ring a distant bell.”

“Can I just punch her?” asked Aria.

“That’ll have to wait,” said Adagio as she glanced towards the rest of the cafeteria. “It looks like they’re starting up on the part that gets the crowd really riled up. We should join in so we don’t look weird.”

“This song would have been so much better if we had sung it,” mumbled Aria. “Seriously, ‘we don’t have to be one and the same thing’? What an awkward-sounding lyric.”

Elsewhere in the cafeteria, a particular lavender-colored girl looked at everything that was happening and frowned.

“Well, that was fun,” said Thunder after the remaining portion of the musical number. “Now what?”

“Just walk out?” asked Stormy. “There’s not much else to do.”

“It just feels so awkward to just have that big musical number and then just walk out. I wish this was a film or something, because then it could just cut to the next scene.”

“It’s not like anyone would notice us, because everyone’s busy arguing!”

Sonata stared at the trio as they argued. “Do you think they got affected by the singing too?”

Aria facepalmed.


“…and that’s the current situation,” finished Twilight.

“You mean three new students popped up and sang a song and that caused havoc and so you’re calling to ask if it has anything to do with Equestria?” asked Trixie excitedly.

“Trixie, why have you repeated exactly what was just… oh, why do I even bother,” said Sunset. “Don’t you have a Mare Do Well comic to write with Lightning Dust?”

“That can wait. Listening to this is far more interesting!”

Sunset sighed. “Whatever. Anyway, Twilight, I’ll try to do some research on this. Although if I manage to find information, I’ll have to give it to you over the phone due to the portal not working now.”

“Did you guys try contacting the manufacturer of the portal?” asked Trixie.

“The manufacturer?”

“Well, somepony had to make it, right? Maybe they can help.”

“Okay, even if there was, how do I contact them? There wasn’t any information on the portal as to who made it!”

“Not true!” declared Trixie. “It said ‘made in Chineigh,’ remember?”

“Somehow,” said Sunset, “I don’t think that that will help us find the maker. That’s a big place.”

“Ha!” said Trixie. “Detective Trixie is on the case! For $50/hour, plus expenses, I’ll figure it out!”

“But dollars aren’t even our unit of currency,” said a confused Sunset.

There was a pause. “Hrm,” said Trixie. “I guess I don’t have a good response to that one.”

“Whatever,” said Sunset as she turned back to the phone. “Sorry about that, Twilight. I’ll get the mirror brought over here and I’ll… see if I can figure something out. Then I can pop over if I fix it. I could use some more games on this cell phone anyway; I was getting bored with only having a few.”

“You can play them without fingers?” asked Twilight.

“It took some practice, but… yes. At least some of them. By the way, um… is that boyfriend of yours around?”

“Huh? No, his family had to move away so our relationship’s long distance now. Why?!”

“Just wondering,” said Sunset. “Uh… anyway, I’ll get to doing that research.” She hung up and gave a sigh of relief. “Phew. I won’t have to deal with him if I go over there.”

“Who?” asked Trixie. “That Flash Sentry guy? Why are you so terrified of him anyway? He was kind of dumb but seemed reasonably nice from when I met him, at least the version of him in this universe.”

“Oh, sure, he’s nice,” said Sunset. “And that’s all he is! He’s bland as all heck! If he were a character in a film, the audience would hate him for his blandness! In fact, he has such a lack of personality that he steals the personality of all of those around him like a black hole! I wasn’t always this grumpy, you know! But he took the optimism right out of me!

Trixie stared for a few moment before speaking. “Uh, Sunset? I think I have to tell you that you’re being just a little paranoid. Not to mention that I’m pretty sure you were always fairly grumpy.”

“Oh yeah?” demanded Sunset. “Just look at you! Remember how you were trying to promote that magic show of yours? Whatever happened to that? I’ll tell you what, it’s because he sucked that part of your personality away!”

“I think it had more to do with me finding a more successful career path,” said Trixie.

“You only think that because your deductive side is gone too, thanks to him! Don’t you see how completely terrifying he is?!”

“O… kay…” said Trixie slowly. “I can see you have some… personal issues here. So I’m just going to go… somewhere. Somewhere you aren’t.” She paused. “Wait, this isn’t all just a ploy to get me to leave, is it?”

“Well, you can stay around if you want to help me research,” said Sunset.

“I’m gone,” said Trixie as she abruptly left.

Some time later…

“It should not take that long to look up information about malevolent musical monsters,” muttered Sunset. “Spent all that time looking under the wrong letters… whose idea was it to put all the information in that Alliterative Appellation Almanac book?”

“Hiya, Sunset!” announced Gilda as she entered. “Are you talking to yourself again? I heard that’s the first sign of insanity.”

Dealing with you guys is the first sign of insanity, thought Sunset to herself. “What do you want?”

“Well!” said Gilda. “I was thinking that we have this castle. And sometimes castles get invaded. So I want a room to be set aside for emergency weapons. You know, your machine guns, bazookas, maybe a rocket launcher or two, several sniper rifles–”

“Gilda, you’re the only one even capable of using those things, because nopony else has fingers or claws to fire them with. Why would we need that many?”

“Maybe you could invent fake hands,” suggested Gilda. “Then you could use them.”

“This is just a ploy to try to let me store your guns somewhere because you’ve run out of room at home, isn’t it?”

“Maybe,” said Gilda.

“Look, I don’t have time to deal with this,” said Sunset. “I’m trying to figure out how to reactivate this mirror portal.”

“Oh, that thing that only opens up every 30 moons? Did you consider just opening it up and adjusting the internal clock?”

Sunset stared at Gilda in confusion.

“I mean, it has to keep track of time somehow so that it knows how to open up. Presumably there’s some mechanical or magical clock mechanism within it that does it. So just figure out how to change the clock so it’s 30 moons from the last time it opened up.”

“That is so incredibly stupid that… that… that it’s probably sure to work,” said Sunset with a sigh.

“See, now you’re getting how things work in this world of ours,” said Gilda. “Incidentally, why would anyone make a portal with that kind of restriction to begin with?”

“How should I know? I didn’t make the portal!” Sunset sighed again. “I don’t know anything about this sort of thing. Do you know anypony who might know how to go about deconstructing this in order to change the clock?”

“Why are you asking me? I don’t know any of this magic stuff. It’s like the rules to it get made up as they go along.”

Flim and Flam suddenly rushed in. “Did anypony say ‘cider shortage’?” asked Flim excitedly.

“Nopony said anything like that,” said a confused Sunset.

“Darn it,” said Flam with a frown. “I guess that super hearing device still isn’t working right. What were you talking about, then?”

“We were trying to figure out if there was anypony who might be able to figure out how to change the internal clock on a magical device?”

“Lucky you!” declared Flim. “We know one. And we won’t even charge you any money to find out!”

“What’s your angle, then?”

“What, you don’t think we could just be doing this out of the goodness of our hearts?” asked Flam.

There was a pause. “No,” Sunset said bluntly.

“Fine! It’s because we get a small amount for every pony we refer! Are you happy now?”

“So what’s the guy’s name?”

“Doctor Hooves,” said Flim.

“Time Turner,” said Flam at the same time.

“Huh?” asked Sunset. “Which is it?”

“I told you, his name is Time Turner!” said Flam.

“You’re wrong!” said Flim. “It’s Doctor Hooves!”

The argument escalated rapidly from there until the two started fighting each other in a cartoon-esque dust cloud. “Mom always loved you best!” screamed Flam.

“I didn’t even know those two could fight,” said Sunset. “I thought they basically shared a brain.”

“Enh, your right brain is supposedly constantly battling your left for dominance,” said Gilda. “That may be what’s happening here.”

“Well, I plan to get this mirror looked at by… whatever his name was,” said Sunset.

“Could I come along?” asked Gilda.

“Uh… sure?” said Sunset.

“Okay,” said Gilda as she started walking off.

“Wait, weren’t you coming along?”

“I just asked if I could come along. I never said I wanted to. I’m off to further perfect my sniping skills!”

“Aren’t your sniping skills already good?” asked Sunset.

“Sure,” said Gilda, “when performing a single snipe. I can even do a double snipe pretty well. But I want to achieve the legendary quadruple snipe!”

“How does that even work?” asked Sunset.

“You fire four at four different targets simultaneously,” said Gilda as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Duh.”

Sunset watched Gilda walk off. “The most annoying thing is, I don’t know if she’s being honest or is just screwing with me again,” she muttered.

One trip later…

“So,” started Sunset after she had reached the building where the of-unknown-name stallion was, “Flim and Flam recommended you, so do you think you could–”

“Yep!” he said as he gave her a device. “Here you go! All you have to do is press this button while near the mirror, and it’ll change its internal clock!”

“How the heck did you not only know what I wanted, but also had it all ready?” asked a confused Sunset.

“Oh, I have powers over time, so after you told me in the future, I just went back in time and made it so it’d all be ready.”

“Really?” asked Sunset.

“Nah,” said the stallion. “I just have hidden cameras set up everywhere and saw you discuss it. By the way, when you’re asleep, you snore pretty loudly.”

“Wait, what?” asked Sunset.

“Just kidding,” said the stallion. “In truth, I’m a mind reader and I just happened to have such a device ready. So when you got near here and I read your intentions, I had it ready.”

“Reading minds is possible?”

“Not as far as I know; I made that up too. The real reason was–”

“Never mind,” said Sunset wearily. “Can you just sell it to me?”

“Sure!” he declared.


“All right!” said Sunset. “The portal is now active!”

“Why did you feel the need to bring me over to announce that?” asked Suri.

“Because I thought it was an accomplishment that I did it! Plus, I hoped somepony might want to see me off as I go over.”

“You mean to do the amazing task of delivering exposition?”

“Hey!” said Sunset. “I had to do a lot of research to figure this out. It would’ve been nice if somepony other than you showed up for this.”

“Lightning Dust and Trixie are busy with Mare Do Well—as always—Flim and Flam are busy arguing, and Gilda said she didn’t care. Why didn’t you get Twilight to come along with the mirror when you ordered it? She’d probably actually be interested in this considering it’s the universe she was originally from.”

“Couldn’t get ahold of her. She’s apparently busy with something.”

“Busy with what?”

“I don’t know,” said Sunset. “Probably something a lot more interesting than this, though.”

Meanwhile, in the Crystal Empire…

“Discord?” asked Twilight.

“Yes?”

“Just so you know, if we somehow survive this, you are never coming to the Crystal Empire again.”

“Oh, come on,” said Discord. “You act like you’ve never inadvertently caused a Smooze to grow so large that it became immune to both of our magic, followed by us getting trapped in it and being slowly digested.”

“Maybe because I never did that!

“Oh, relax,” said Discord. “This’ll take at least two weeks to fully digest us.”

“HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A RELAXING THOUGHT?!”

Back in Ponyville…

“Well, I guess I’m off,” said Sunset. “Don’t do anything too stupid while I’m gone.”

“You know,” said Suri, “all this alternate universe stuff sounds interesting to me. I’d like to see what it looks like.”

“There is a warning on it that you shouldn’t have too many people go through it,” said Sunset, “because that could upset the balance or… something.”

“Oh, pshaw!” said Suri. “I’m sure that’s just there to scare off the insurance sellers.”

“That makes absolutely no–” started Sunset, but she was interrupted by Suri simply walking through the portal. “Of course,” she muttered before walking through it herself.

Sunset emerged from the portal to find a human-looking Suri, who was taking the opportunity to examine herself. “Hrm. Weird. Oh well, I’m off.” Suri started moving back into the portal.

“Wait, you came here just for a few seconds?” asked Sunset.

“Just seems more boring than I thought,” said Suri with a shrug. “Plus, no easy opportunities to make cash that I see.”

Sunset sighed in frustration as Suri left. “Whatever. I just have to find Twilight and relay the information.” She paused. “I have no idea where she is. Darn it, I should have set up some kind of a meeting time and place. Ah well, I guess I’ll just call her… and I have got to stop this habit of talking to myself.”

Meanwhile…

“Twilight!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash as she skidded into the room. “I need your help on something immediately!”

“Is this an actual emergency?” asked Twilight.

“Yeah, totally! See, Rarity was complaining about it being hard to get a boyfriend, so I was telling her it was easy, so she said ‘let’s see you do better’ and now we have a bet going about me getting one, but I don’t know how to do it.”

“Just… find a guy you think you might like and ask him out?” suggested Twilight.

“Maybe, but in my time at high school, no guy has ever tried to ask me out. That must mean they don’t like me for some reason! I have to figure out what the problem is there before I try. Do they find me boring?”

“Um,” said Twilight uncertainly. “Do you think that maybe guys… might have a certain idea about you? One that would make them assume you’d be uninterested in them?”

Rainbow Dash scratched her head. “Not really. Do they think I’m already in a relationship?”

Twilight sighed. “Okay. Let’s go over it. First, you’ve got rainbow-colored hair.”

“I know, isn’t it awesome?” asked Rainbow Dash as she fluffed her hair. “Got it from my dad. It’s what first made my mom notice him!”

“And you’ve also got rainbow bracelets, rainbow socks…”

“Doesn’t it look great with my hair?”

Twilight sighed again. “So you’ve got a lot of rainbow-colored things. And you’re a tomboy. And you’re almost always seen with other girls. Do you not see a particular impression people might get from that?”

Rainbow Dash thought about it, then scratched her head again in confusion. “The fact I’m attractive, athletic, and available? Now I’m even more confused about why no one ever asks me out.”

In lieu of sighing again, Twilight facepalmed. “No, Rainbow, it’s not that. Those things together mean they think–” started Twilight before she was abruptly interrupted by her phone ringing. “Hello?” she asked into it. There was a pause while she listened to the other person. “Sure, I’ll be right there.” She hung up. “Anyway, as I was saying–”

“No need!” declared Rainbow Dash. “I figured it out! They think I’m a renegade from the Island of the Amazons! And as everyone knows, Amazons only like men who can beat them in combat! Or at least that’s how I think it went, as I didn’t pay that much attention in that class. And in that case, they’d be afraid of me because they’d have to fight me in order to try to ask me out. They must think the rainbow stuff is some kind of tribal symbol. I just have to correct that misconception. Thanks, Twilight!”

Twilight stared after Rainbow Dash as she dashed off. After a pause just long enough to achieve maximum comedy but not so long that the joke became overdone, she shrugged and left.


“So!” declared Adagio. “Now that we have a better idea what we’re up against, it’s time to make a plan to get those pendants back. And by that I mean I’ll probably be the one to make the whole plan because you two would come up with bad ideas.”

“You really know how to inspire loyalty,” said Aria.

“Fine!” said Adagio. “Then tell us your plan!”

Aria sighed wearily. “Just attack them directly and grab the pendants. Why make it complicated?”

“Because they’d probably see it coming and be prepared, particularly as that’s how they got it from us?”

“Fine, then. What’s your brilliant plan?”

“Let them do the work for us,” said Adagio. “Their plan, I assume, is to start up this Battle of the Bands in order to mesmerize people, and that hopefully whatever provoked this Equestrian magic will still be here and get affected by it. We just have to let them do it and then, when they’re about to have it all work in their favor and they’re not suspecting it… grab the pendants back and take all that power for ourselves.”

“I think we’ve all forgotten about the most important thing, though!” declared Sonata.

“What?” asked Aria, having a feeling she was going to regret it.

“How should I know? I just said we’ve forgotten about it,” said Sonata.

After a brief mental acknowledgment that her feeling she was going to regret asking turned out to be correct, Aria said, “Fine, I guess we’ll go with that plan.”

“Wait a minute,” said Adagio, “Sonata was right. There is something we’re forgetting.”

“Sonata was right?” asked Aria incredulously.

“I know,” said Sonata sadly, “I’m scared too.”

“What we need to remember,” said Adagio, “is the fact that, most likely, someone here does have that Equestrian magic. We weren’t able to figure it out beforehand, but maybe with them doing this we could find it out. Then we could try to use whichever person or group has that power to get the pendants away from them, then grab them ourselves.”

“That… could work,” said Aria tepidly. “Do you have any idea how to figure out who does have those powers?”

“Actually,” said Adagio, “I think I do.”

“Shhhh!” said Cheerilee as she walked by.

“Maybe we should scheme somewhere other than the library,” muttered Adagio.


“You know,” said Twilight to Sunset after finding her next to the statue, “you could have just come inside.”

“I don’t know the layout of the school. It’s faster for you to meet me here at the statue.” Sunset pulled out a book. “Anyway, I think I figured out what’s going on. So a while ago, there were these sirens who could sing and hypnotize people and make them fight each other. Personally I’m not sure why the fighting part was necessary, as I’d think just hypnotizing would be sufficient, but whatever. I don’t make the rules of nature or magic. Then this guy named Starswirl got rid of them, supposedly banishing them to another universe because I guess the best way to solve your problems is to pass the buck.”

“Not exactly an uncommon strategy,” said Twilight.

“I know, right? Anyway, I assume that the other universe is this world.”

“Hrm,” said Twilight. “Okay, any ideas on how to handle it?”

“Nope!” said Sunset. “Anyway, can I get some new games on my cell phone before heading back?”

“Wait, you’re just heading back?” asked Twilight. “Already?”

“I thought you only needed me to be here to deliver the information.”

“As long as you’re here, I could use some help!”

“Look,” said Sunset, “I just recently had to deal with a potentially world conquering enemy. And it was pretty stressful, to put it mildly. I do not want to have to do that again, especially so soon afterwards. Can’t you just do it yourself?”

“You’re the only other one who’s knowledgeable about this sort of thing,” said Twilight. “Besides, I’m not going to give your phone any more apps or games unless you help me.”

Darn it, thought Sunset, I should’ve asked for the games before telling her that. “Fine, fine. Since the whole ‘battle of the bands’ thing is presumably required for their plan, why not just see if you can get it canceled?”

“First, said Twilight, “I don’t think ‘these three are from an alternate universe and have magical powers’ is a particularly effective argument for stopping it. Second, that would involve having to actually talk to our principal. You do remember who she is, right? Do you want that headache?”

“No, I don’t want that headache,” said Sunset with a sigh. “But having to go through the whole process of stopping them otherwise would be an even bigger headache.”


“Well,” said Chrysalis, “speaking as your principal, a fact you already know and thus making everything I’ve said after the word ‘well’ to be redundant up to this point, you’ve successfully convinced me that those three students actually started up the whole battle of the bands thing as a way to try to brainwash people and take over the world. Or at least the tri-state area.”

“Oh, good,” said Twilight with relief. “So you’ll call it off?”

“What? Heck no,” said Chrysalis. “Do you have any idea how much attention we could get for this? If they’re brainwashing people, more people would come to see this due to being brainwashed! We could sell tickets! And that extra income would be able to pay for that hole in the roof that somehow happened at the Fall Formal. I do have to pay some attention to the budget.”

“But then they’d take over the world!” said Twilight.

“Oh, please,” said Chrysalis. “Has the world been taken over before? Why should I worry this time?”

“That makes absolutely no sense,” said Sunset.

“Well, if you’re so worried about it, why don’t you do something about it?”

“That’s what we were trying to do when we came to you!”

“Pfft,” said Chrysalis as she started filing her nails absentmindedly. “You should take your own initiative rather than passing the buck. Seriously, what are they teaching in those schools nowadays?”

Sunset and Twilight stared blankly at Chrysalis.

“Well, I can see my brilliance has left you speechless,” said Chrysalis. “Don’t worry too much about it; I tend to get speechless due to my own brilliance also. Anything else you need me to share my wisdom on?”

Sunset and Twilight continued staring blankly.

“Good!” said Chrysalis. “Now, just in case you’ve forgotten, what you’re supposed to do now is turn around and walk out. Also, in retrospect, I think ‘hypnotize’ was a more accurate term than ‘brainwash.’”

Sunset and Twilight walked out in. After an awkward silence, Twilight finally spoke. “I told you it would be a headache.”

Sunset sighed. “Do you know that in Equestria, when it looked like this one bad guy was going to kill us all, she announced she was going to give some deep confession to us, but it just turned out to be she loved ukuleles? Ugh. I mean, I’ll give her credit for partially coming up with the way to defeat him, but… seriously?”

“Well, anyway,” said Twilight, “All we have to do is beat the sirens in order to thwart their plan, because then they won’t have an opportunity to perform in front of a big enough audience.”

“That would prevent this plan. Why can’t they just go to some other area or school and do it again?”

“I don’t think it was coincidence they chose this school,” said Twilight. “I mean, I guess it could, but it seems unlikely. There must be something about this particular school or location that is required for their plan. I don’t think it would work at another.”

“Does this mean the two of us have to be some kind of duo act?” asked Sunset. “Because I’m not sure I’m experienced enough with hands to be able to play an instrument with proficiency, particularly considering I don’t know that much about instrument playing even in Equestria. I don’t even know the difference between a viola and violin outside of the fact the two end in a slightly different letter combination!”

“Actually,” said Twilight, “by sheer lucky coincidence, I’ve already got a band. Rainbow Dash decided to make a band called the Rain-Booms, so we can just use that.”

“What are the odds that you’d conveniently have a band?” asked Sunset.

“Well,” said Twilight as she took out a calculator, “if you’d like to know the exact–”

“I don’t,” said Sunset as she cut Twilight off. “Anyway, it looks like you have things all set here, so if you can just give me those games, then I can head back to Equestria–”

This time, Twilight did the interrupting. “No,” she said, “I need you around in case we need you.”

“What would you need me for?! I don’t have magic or anything! And you already have your band!”

“But you presumably have immunity from the hypnosis, because you’re from Equestria like I am,” said Twilight. “The rest of my friends don’t. I need someone else in case they end up falling under the spell. So my suggestion is that you make your own solo entry into the Battle of the Bands, so if that happens and they all fall into arguments and lose, I can just join up with yours to continue and defeat the sirens.”

“And how do I manage that when I’m not technically a student?” asked Sunset.

“Oh, they let practically anyone in,” said Twilight. “It’s kind of weird and I don’t really understand it. But we are talking about Chrysalis, after all. She probably does it as a joke.”

“Fine,” said Sunset. “But you do remember that I can’t play instruments at all, right? I mentioned that less than a minute ago? I’d be doing this by myself, and I’m not that great of a singer.”

“Actually, there is a way I think to have you guarantee to continue…”

“Greetings!” declared Sonata as she suddenly popped up. “I’m currently taking a survey! Do you find yourself more irritable than usual?”

“I don’t think so?” said Twilight.

“How about you?” Sonata asked Sunset.

“Yes, because I hate when people suddenly give me surveys.”

“I’ll put that as a ‘maybe,’” said Sonata. “That’s all. See you later!” She ran off.

“That was weird,” said Sunset. “Do you know her?”

“I think she transferred in recently,” said Twilight. “She’s kind of weird. People mostly just ignore her.”


“Welcome, one and all, to the Battle of the Bands!” declared Chrysalis as she stood on stage. “Now, ordinarily I would say this is where a bunch of mediocre performers try to find out which of them is the least mediocre because if any of you think you might be able to do this professionally, forget it. But because I’m being motivational, I’m not saying that! Instead, you’re all special snowflakes! Just be sure to forget that snowflakes are all interchangeable and end up melting away into nothingness in the end.”

Luna, sitting at the judge's table, groaned. “How do you maintain that 94% approval rating?” she asked after Chrysalis sat down next to her.

“Hey!” said Chrysalis. “I’ll have you know that it’s 94.2477%!”

Luna sighed.

“And the answer,” continued Chrysalis, “is that it’s 5.6523% inspiration, 94.2477% perspiration!”

“That makes absolutely no sense,” said Luna. She paused. “Also, by my calculations, there’s still 0.1% left.”

“Oh, that?” asked Chrysalis. “That’s just the taxation.”

I really should have taken that Vice Principal job at Crystal Prep instead of here, thought Luna to herself. “Can we just get this started?”

And thus, the Battle of the Band began. The first group up was Snips and Snails. They picked up the microphones and opened their mouths to sing.

“Okay, next!” announced Chrysalis before the two could actually start singing.

“But we didn’t even start yet!” said Snips.

“I already can tell this is going to be really bad. Just saving us some time. Next!”

Snips and Snails sadly walked away.

“What happened to being motivational?” asked Luna. “You need to at least give them a chance.”

“Oh, good point. Okay, you two can try anyway!”

Snips and Snails went back on stage and picked up the microphones.

A few seconds later…

“Okay, next!” announced Chrysalis. “That was enough.”

“But we only said two lines,” said Snails.

“And that was enough. NEXT!”

After several bands that no one cares about, it was the Rain-Booms’ turn.

“Are you sure about this whole ukulele thing?” asked Rarity as they walked up to the stage.

“Even if I wasn’t,” said Twilight, “isn’t it a little late to be asking me now?”

“That reminds me!” declared Rainbow Dash as she went up to the microphone and spoke into it. “Before we begin our song, I’d like to make an announcement. I think there’s been some untrue rumors going on about me, and I’d like to correct them.”

Oh no, thought Twilight in despair. Wait, how in the world do ukuleles remind her of that?

“I’d just to clarify,” continued Rainbow Dash, “that, no, I am not from any kind of Island of the Amazons and my hair and sock color are not any kind of tribal symbol thereof.”

“Ohhhh,” said a lot of students in the audience.

“That clears everything up!” said one.

“And here I was thinking she was some kind of a danger!” added another. “What a relief!”

“I agree with everything that was said by those other guys, making this statement completely unnecessary!” said a third.

Huh, thought Twilight. I guess Rainbow Dash was right. So much for my theory of them being afraid of her due to thinking she was in an all-female gang, with her hair color being a gang symbol.

“And with that cleared up,” said Rainbow Dash, “let us begin!”

Adagio, Aria, and Sonata watched from the stands as the band performed. “So,” Adagio said, “we can be almost certain it’s that lavender girl that’s the source of the magic.”

“I still find your method of determining the source to be highly dubious,” said Aria.

“Here we go again,” said Adagio as she rolled her eyes.

“I’m just saying, I don’t think Sonata is a great judge of this sort of thing.”

“Hey!” said Sonata. “I take offense to that! I did a great job trying to figure out who was unaffected! And she was the only one of the students that were in the cafeteria at the time to not act really grumpy when I asked them if they were really grumpy.”

“Aria,” said Adagio, “maybe if you had tried finding people who weren’t affected like I asked, I wouldn’t have had to have Sonata do so much of the work.”

“Because I thought it was a bad idea to begin with. It might have alerted someone.”

“Do you do anything other than complain?” asked Adagio. “It seems like I can’t ever suggest any plan without you immediately taking the opposite view.”

“Well, maybe if your plans had a better success rate in the past, I’d be more willing to accept them,” muttered Aria to herself.

“At any rate, while she appears to be the source, I’m not sure how much magic she is capable of producing on her own,” said Adagio, “so trying to use it ourselves, without the pendants, doesn’t seem like it will work. But I do have another plan…”

“Because that’s–” started Aria.

“I don’t need another sarcastic quip!” snapped Adagio.

“Why don’t you guys just enjoy the music?” asked Sonata. “Some of this is rather catchy.”

A short while later the Rain-Booms finished up their song and exited the stage, then a few more bands played. Sunset went onto the stage when her turn came up.

“Uh… hi?” asked Sunset nervously after she got on the stage. “I’m here as a solo act. I’ll just sing and play an instrument at the same time. So… I guess I’ll just get to it?”

“What in the world is Sunset Shimmer doing here?” asked Thunder as the Shadowbolts waited their turn while Sunset started her song. “The portal’s closed, isn’t it?”

“Oh please,” said Stormy, “it’s obvious. This must be the alternate counterpart to the Sunset we ever so briefly met back in our world.”

“Hrmmmmm,” said Maelstrom, causing Stormy’s eye to twitch.

“Well, she doesn’t seem very good with the instrumentation,” observed Thunder. “Or the singing. Or much of anything else. Maybe she’s doing this to try to list it as a school activity on her future resume.”

The remainder of the song later…

“Well,” said Chrysalis, “your singing was off enough that Auto-Tune couldn’t fix it, your instrumentation sounded like you never played before, the lyrics were unoriginal, it went on way too long, your singing didn’t match up with the instrumentation, and all in all it’d probably be one of those auditions they show on one of those reality shows that has no chance of success and is just there so the audience can laugh at you. Congratulations, you pass!”

“What?!” asked someone from the band who had performed just before her. “How does she beat us, then? You said ours was really good!”

“Yes, but I want to purposefully let someone bad to continue, as a joke.”

“What?!” said the student.

“Oh, don’t worry,” said Chrysalis. “One day you’ll look back at this and laugh.”

“Did you seriously let them continue as a joke?” Luna whispered to Chrysalis.

“Actually,” Chrysalis whispered back, “I just really like the fact she’s using a ukulele, but I didn’t want anyone to know that.”

“You know what?” said Luna wearily. “I need a break. Why don’t you handle the next one yourself? It’s not like my opinions matter, as we each get a vote and you get the tiebreaking vote.”

“It projects a better image to have two judges, though,” said Chrysalis. “But fine, go do whatever, as long as it doesn’t involve cooking popcorn with a freezer. Trust me, it doesn’t work well.”

Luna started to say something in response, then thought better of it and left instead.

“Anyway,” said Chrysalis, “next!”

Sunset exited the stage and went over to Twilight. “Okay, I’ll admit it. Exploiting Chrysalis’s fondness for ukuleles did work. Where’s the rest of your team?”

“Because they haven’t had a chance to hear the sirens’ song, I got them to leave, as I want them to not be constantly arguing with each other,” said Twilight.

“Greetings!” said Stormy as she went up to the microphone. “I just want to note that even though our band is called the Shadowbolts, we have absolutely no relation whatsoever to that team from Crystal Prep. And don’t worry about us violating their intellectual property, because they’re a sports team whereas we’re a band, and thus there is no risk of brand confusion!” Stormy quickly observed that the other students didn’t seem to care about legal finesse. “Uh, anyway, here we go!”

“Those are the sirens?” Sunset asked Twilight as the Shadowbolts started playing. “They sure don’t look like the ones from the book I read.”

“Well, of course. They’re not physically sirens anymore; they got transformed just like everyone else seems to when they go through the portal.”

“Yeah, but… even their colors are different,” said Sunset. “Also, I can’t help but feel like I’ve met these guys somewhere before. Shadowbolts just sounds familiar for some reason… where have I heard that? I wish I could go back to Equestria to find out.”

“Why can’t you?” asked Twilight. “I mean, the portal’s open, right? There’s nothing stopping you from just heading back for a little bit.”

“That’s… a rather good point,” said Sunset. “I should have time between rounds.”

One interdimensional trip later…

“You know who the Shadowbolts are?” Sunset asked Suri.

“No,” said Suri. “The name does sound familiar, though.”

“Do you know who the Shadowbolts are?” Sunset asked Gilda.

“Sounds like the name of a metal rock band,” said Gilda. “But no.”

“Do you know who the Shadowbolts are?” Sunset asked Trixie and Lightning Dust.

“Oh, yeah, those were the guys I met when we were on the way to get the Elements of Irony to beat Nightmare Moon,” said Lightning Dust. “Their plan was still really stupid. They also were behind that thing where they tried to fake saving a baby to get popularity. That plan was less stupid, but it still failed.”

“They should be in that alternate universe,” added Trixie. “They went over there with Twilight when she was still all crazy from the Alicorn Amulet.”

Sunset stared at the two in shock. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“Uh, I did,” said Lightning Dust. “Back in that adventure, I’m pretty sure I identified them by name.”

“I can’t remember a random thing you said that long ago!”

“And you would’ve known the Twilight connection if you hadn’t left the room so quickly after you got back from the alternate universe,” added Trixie, “because Twilight mentioned it.”

“Well,” said Sunset, “I guess that was easy enough to find out.”

“What you need to do is pay more attention to things,” said Lightning Dust.

“Says the pony who is constantly crashing into objects,” muttered Sunset.

“Hey!” said Lightning Dust. “I’ll have you know I haven’t done that in at least four days!”

“By the way,” said Trixie, “as long as you’re here, maybe you can help us write this next bit of the comic. It would be good to get an outsider’s perspective. If, after inadvertently ending up in an alternate universe where everypony’s genders were flipped and the days of the week were in the opposite order, you found yourself face to face with a chainsaw-wielding axe murderer ghost, do you think that shouting ‘AAAAHHHH!!!’ or ‘AIEEEEEE!!!’ would be your natural response?”

Sunset stared at Trixie for a little while, then turned around and left without saying anything.

“Brilliant!” said Lightning Dust. “The proper response to that situation would have been to be speechless in terror! Sunset can be surprisingly smart sometimes.”