//------------------------------// // 3 - Cards against Ponymity // Story: Never Wish on a Falling Star While Drunk // by Jaygor //------------------------------// Twilight had called me in with a scary calmness and asked me to sit at the table. Somewhere in my hindbrain, the decision was made where to sit. Before I really knew what I was doing, I had the table between me and the somewhat confused little horse. Twilight floated the box over and took a position at the table. There was a creepy moment when the others came in and did the same, apparently knowing to without words. I was completely naked. OK. I still had the blanket around me, but it felt naked. I mean more naked than actually not having any clothes on feels. “Is this how you know our names?” Twilight asked . She pointed a hoof at the box now standing in the middle of the table. It appeared completely dry. Twilight’s name was on the front of the box.The side facing me featured a picture of Celestia, looking profoundly embarrassed. I never felt so much empathy with a picture on a box before. “No. It’s …complicated.” “I think it time we cleared things up. “Right,” I said taking a deep breath. “There’s this show.” “Like a play?” Rarity was actually excited. “Did someone write a play about us?” “Not exactly. It’s on TV.” “What’s TV?” “It’s like movies that you watch at home? Do you have movies?” “Yes,” Pinkie turned her head an impossible and creepy amount as she scanned the room. “Are they watching us right now?” “No. It’s not like that. It’s animation. You know, a bunch of drawings put together.” They didn’t know. Explanations came slowly, and weren’t helped by Twilights natural curiosity and my natural pedantry. First came the explanation of animation, which led to a discussion with Twilight about persistence of vision, working back to zoetropes, and then back to moving pictures. Apparently, they made movies differently here: something about “Time Domain Auragraphic Reproduction.” Twilights explanation was going over my head when she was prodded to get back on topic. Then, during the explanation of how so many pictures get put together, I mentioned computers, which somehow led to the Internet. It took a LONG time, with many side discussions with Twilight. I’ll admit that I both really enjoyed nerding out with the princess of books, and also partly hoped the topic would never get back to the cards. No such luck. “This is all well and good,” Applejack finally interrupted, “but it doesn’t explain how you ended up here, or why it is that Tee Vee show is about us. Or even it’s it’s really US that it’s about.” I could only shrug. “You got me there. I…uh..” it suddenly struck me how childish this was going to sound. ‘I wished on a falling star just as I fell asleep.” “Luna!” Twilight blurted. “Luna?” At least three of them answered back in unison. “She was sorting the pegusids last night, burning up a few of the older ones. It was quite a show. You guys should have come out and watched. Anyway, celestial magic can create cross-plane resonances if they’re closs enough. It’s possible a focal-specific portal was created. As I’m sure you know, they’re really rare without being deliberately set up.” She started waving a hoof in the air. It took me a moment to realize she was doing calculations. She suddenly waved both forehooves as though erasing an invisible board. “I’m going to need a quill and scroll.” “Maybe that can wait, sugarcube. We still have some business here?” She pointed at me and the small box on the table. Well crap. Time for the road apples to hit the fan. “Oh.” she let out a disapointed sigh. “Right. Mr… uh.. Cliff? Perhaps you could explain these. They’re…well,” gosh it was adorable the way her voice almost cracked,”…odd. I only saw one, but they look like some sort of flash cards. About us.” Her magic expertly pulled the top flap of the box up and pulled out the foremost card: “Star Student Twilight.” An image of the mare looked smuggly outward. Held up in her magic was an open scroll with A+ written across it in big red letters. Twilight floated the card around the table for all to see. Twilight was clearly trying not to look as smug as her picture, and almost succeeding. “Ooooo! What does it say about me?” Pinkie was clopping her front hooves together. I couldn’t help but notice that more than any of the other ponies, Pinkie seemed to have a gravity all her own. By all rights she should have toppled forward off her chair when she lifted her hooves like that. I clearly had a lot to learn about this place, and much of it appeared to be so matter-of-fact that nobody else noticed. “That’s not necessary,” I started to say, but a thick stack of cards had already floated out of the box and splayed themselves into a fan in front of Twilight. Then the inevitable happened. Her irises shrank to purple dots. I couldn’t even see her pupils. Her face flushed crimson. He magic faltered for a second in the shock and the deck fell to the table and scattered, few even making it to the floor. “I say Twilight,” said Rarity, “What has you so flustered?” “Nothing. Nothing,” Twilight said with a voice a full octave higher than normal. She began pushing the cards together into a pile. “I think everything's under control. Time to move on. I’m sure you all have lot’s of important business today. “Let me help with that.” Pinkie reached over to the pile. “No I’ve got it!”Twilight almost shouted, bhe was largely ingnored. Pinkie as shuffling the cards together with her hooves. Applejack had dropped to the floor before the cards had even settled. She was frozen, eyes crossed comically as she looked at a card she’d just picked up in her lips. She transferred it to a hoof. How did she do that? I saw it right in front of me, and I still couldn’t say exactly. “Hey Rainbow, you’re on this card.” “Oh really,” the blue Pegasus said, shooting me a suspicious glare. “Is it a lesson on how awesome I am?” Applejack gave a small chuckle. “Maybe. I can’t rightly say. Nice picture of you though. According to this, it says you’re…” She tilted her head and mouthed the word a couple times before trying it out loud. “Tuh-sunder.” “You must be reading it wrong,” Rainbow said, reaching for the card. “I bet it’s thunder or something, ‘cause of my awesome weather skills.” “Hehe. If you say so.” She handed the card over. “Why am I wearing THAT? I’d never wear something like that. It’s like I’m trying to look cute or something. What’s Tuh-SUN-der-EE, anyway?” Her crimson eyes were suddenly on me. “It’s pronounced SUN-DEAR. The ‘T’ is silent.” “Stupid way to spell a word,” Raindbow crossed her for legs in front of her, looking away with a blush “What’s it mean, anyway.” “It’s…uh… a personality type. I guess the best translation something like tough and prickly on the outside, but secretly kind a sweet and soft.” “Oh,” said Fluttershy. “Like a pineapple?” “Uh. Metaphorically I suppose.” “Just remember that inside the sweet part of the pineapple is the core that’s all woody and makes your tongue hurt if you eat— uh—NEVERMIND! I’m not tsundere, OK?” She hunched her shoulders and let out twin jets of steamy air from her nostrils. One of them caught another card on the table, flipping it over and sending it sliding. “Well isn’t this educational,” Applejack smirked, retaking her seat and pushing her hat back on her head. “It sure ISSSSS” Pinkie said, dragging out the last syllable into a musical note. She slid the recently flipped card over in front of Applejack as she sing-songed “I’m learning all sorts of things about my friends.” I looked down at the card and groaned. The title read “Just Experimenting.” It featured Rainbow looking just as tsundere as ever, with AppleJack, Rarity, and Fluttershy all invading her personal space and looking at her seductively.” “Oh my,” Fluttershy covered her mouth with a hoof. “Oh my indeed,” added Rarity. “At least it caught my good side. I can’t say the same for you Applejack. That blush clashes with your natural color.” “What the hay?” Applejack held her hooves out toward the new card, then shot a look at Rarity. She shuffled through the pile she’d collected and slid one in front of the white mare. It showed a flustered, and blushing Twlight, pushing Pinkie and Rarity together. The title was “Now Kiss.” “Well I never.” She pinned me to the wall with eyes turned the color of ice. “I demand you explain this travesty at once.” “Easy there Rarity,” Applejack said with a warning tone. “I honestly think you’re only upset because you’re not the one in control on that card.” “Yeah,” Rainbow said, wings suddenly splaying in excitement. “It’s not like it’s calling you outright evil or anything. Oh wait.” She tossed a card onto the table. Rarity’s eyes flicked down to take in. “Evil Dictator Rarity.” “Oh really?” She said with a dangerous tone. Her horn glowed and several of the cards floated up and fanned in front of her. “Well Rainbow Dash. You seem to get around so much you end up crossing your own path.” A card shot out from the collection to land on the table in front of the blue mare. “One might even say you’re rather full of yourself.” The card in question read “Rainbow Dash Fan Club.” There was a bed, with Rainbow relaxing in it, three of her. “You certainly look self satisfied,” Fluttershy said. Then made a small squeak and covered her mouth with both hooves as the second meaning of her words caught up with her. Things went downhill after that. Cards flew back and forth in an ever escalating battle to out embarrass the other. Even Fluttershy wasn’t left out. And just so you know. When pushed against a wall, that pony can dish just as well as any of them. Unlike most of them, pinkie seemed to be enjoying herself and laughed in delight whenever she came up, showing absolutely no sense of shame whatsoever. It didn’t really help matters. I just sat there with my face in my hands, wishing for the power of teleportation. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that it took me some time to realize that there was one voice that wasn’t participating in the conflagration. I peaked through my fingers to see Twilight, quietly going through a small stack of cards. Her jaw was set, but her face was otherwise unreadable. She pulled out one card in particular and held it up, letting the others drop while she studied it closely. She must have felt me watching because her eyes flicked up. She held my gaze for a moment, then slowly pushed her chair back and walked toward the door to the rest of the house, tucking the one card under her wing. She held the door open and gave a small nod toward the other room before disappearing. You don’t have to tell me twice. I got up and slipped away. I don’t think the rest noticed me going. In the other room, I felt the need to speak. “Look, Twilight, I—” “Shhhh! I need to concentrate a second.” She was facing me, and she splayed her feet out in that broad stance. Her eyes closed, her head lowered and her horn started to glow. Sparks flew off in small arcs, swirling as if in a breeze that wasn’t there. I just braced myself. There was a flash, and a pop, that brief sense of falling, and suddenly we we in a large room, lined with purplish stone. The clap of our arrival echoed off the walls. The room was well appointed, with stained glass windows, woven rugs and fine furniture, except for one piece. A few paces to one side was a battered and scrubbed wooden farm table, cards scattered across its surface. “I bet AJ’s peeved,” I found myself saying before I caught myself. Twilight gave a small huff of amusement. “I'll put it back when I’m sure there’s nobody in the way.” Then she fell silent again. He back legs seemed to go out from underneath her and she fell into a splayed sit, suddenly looking tired and concerned. Her head drooped. “Look Twilight… uh … princess. I’m sorry I brought those cards here. If I had any idea…” “I know,” was all she said. Her voice was strangely flat, but there was a edge to it that I couldn’t read. “I just need to know one thing.” The card floated out from under her wing and hovered in the air in front of me. It was the start card: “Fanfic Author Twilight.” She cleared her throat. “How did they know?”