//------------------------------// // Booping Maud Pie // Story: The Boopening // by MaxBeezy //------------------------------// I’m disappointed. Queen Chrysalis wasn’t here when I woke up. I hoped that she would still be here, and I would make breakfast and tell her how fun last night was. I would have also taken the opportunity to ask her if I could accompany her to her place of residence, where I could see and study her army, while also investigating the habits of the changelings. Unfortunately, that is not meant to be. When I opened my eyes, Queen Chrysalis’s head wasn’t resting on my lap, nor were there any signs that she was present in the house. Not even a note on the fridge or the dining room table. She must have left early in the morning, and was quiet enough to not disturb my sleep. Breakfast alone again, I suppose. Today is a special day. It’s my five month anniversary of being in Equestria. Five months since the portal snafu that separated me and my team. I still wonder what happened to my crew. There were no signs of them in or around Equestria; even after a worldwide investigation by the various nations. I truly was the only one of my species. When I wrote to Princess Celestia during my first month in Equestria, I asked if there was a way to send me back. Unfortunately, inter-dimensional travel was something that was a rarity, with the only method they had being a mirror to another world that had similarities to mine, the main one being that there were people inhabiting it. However, in my world, there was no Canterlot, no people with purple, blue, or yellow skin, unless there was some sort of illness befalling them. This world was just a mirror universe of Equestria; nothing like my world. I think about my world from time to time. I can’t help it. Still, I’m here now, and I want to make the most of it. I didn’t think booping various ponies would be a part of it, but if that’s the way it’s going to be, then… KNOCK KNOCK Who could that be? It’s still fairly early in the morning. Could it be Queen Chrysalis? Maybe she went out to get some food, or made a quick errand at her residence. I open the door, expecting to see Queen Chrysalis behind it. She isn’t. “Hello…” a droll voice speaks below me. I look down to see a grey pony, with a purple mane, and wearing a dark blue frock. She is staring up at me with a blank expression on her face; not showing a hint of emotion. “You must be the human.” There is no tone or emotion in her voice. It’s just…there. I can’t even tell her my name, I’m so stunned. This is the most emotionally blank pony I have ever come across, thus far. “My name is Maud Pie. I’m Pinkie Pie’s sister.” Pinkie Pie. Yeah, that name is familiar. I see her whenever I stop by Sugar Cube Corner, the local bakery, for some sweets. She’s an expert at making all kinds of pastries, like cupcakes and muffins. Donuts, on the other hand, I am more of a fan of Donut Joe, who has his own bakery elsewhere in town. Back to Pinkie, she’s also very energetic; always bouncing along the walls at new and exciting things. I asked her a few questions about herself, as she displayed certain qualities other ponies did not possess, such as making extremely accurate guesses, and breaking the very laws of physics. I once saw her walking on air, and she gave no explanation as to why. Maud Pie is her sister?! They’re nothing alike! “I-I…um…pleased to meet you, Maud.” I say. I don’t want to point out the large difference in personalities. I may offend her. “I hear that you help relieve ponies of stress by touching their muzzles. I received a message from the Princess detailing what you do, and where to find you. I hope this isn’t a bad time.” Wow, she may be droll in speech, but she is awfully polite. It’s hard to really be freaked out about her at this point. Maybe this is just how she is with everyone. “Not at all, Maud.” I say, responding to her politeness with my own. “Would you like to come in?” I extend my arm to the inside of the house, welcoming her. “Sure.” Maud nods, walking inside. She looks around the house, setting her eyes on the couch. She hops onto the comfortable mattress, giving it a bit of a bounce. That was hard to ignore. “This is nice.” “Thanks. Would you like something to drink? Some water?” “No, this won’t take very long.” I sit down next to her. Maud Pie reaches into her frock, and takes out a small rock, placing it on the table in front of us. “Boulder wanted to have some space.” “Boulder?” I query. “My pet. He’s a rock.” she points at the rock on the table. Yeah, I can see that. I’m not going to tell her that. It could sound rude or impolite. Instead, I watch the rock shake around on the table, before it comes to a standstill. My silence could confuse her. I should say something. “So, you’ve been having some stress?” I ask. She nods. “May I ask what it is?” “You may. I study rocks. I like rocks. I’ve written many papers about rocks. Sometimes I write poems, but that’s just for fun. I’m what they call a geologist.” “That sounds interesting.” I’m serious. I knew a geologist, but she wasn’t half as interesting as this Maud Pie. “I’m a zoologist. I study animals.” “Have you been studying us?” “From time to time.” I wave it off. “I’m sorry, continue.” “It’s fine.” she nods slowly, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t show my emotions as much as my sister, Pinkie. You’ve met her, right?” “Yes. She’s very…energetic.” “I’m nothing like that. It makes me hard to read for some ponies. My colleagues mistake my tone for condescension, when I am merely stating my facts in the findings. When I try to apologize, they think I am being sarcastic, so it’s frustrating. I can’t yell at them; I don’t have it in me to, so I get stressed out.” Maud Pie glances at me, then looks back down. “I know you don’t notice. It’s fine that you don’t.” “Actually, I kind of do.” I admit. While her voice is mostly droll, there are little moments where it picks up, and it’s pretty easy to tell what her tone is. It must be hard for some ponies to catch this, and I can’t blame them, but for her own colleagues getting angry with her? That must be aggravating. “I’m sorry about that.” “There’s no need to be sorry. It’s not your fault. But, thanks.” Maud Pie positions herself to face me. “Anyway, about your stress relief. I believe the letter called it ‘booping.’ Am I correct?” “Yes.” I position myself as well. “I prod your muzzle lightly. Reactions have been different with each subject, so I can’t say for sure what you are going to experience. If you feel that it doesn’t work, just say so.” “Any charge? I have bits.” “No, no, no.” I shake my head. “There’s no need for payment.” There isn’t. Princess Celestia actually donated some money to me back when I started living in Ponyville. It’s amazing that I never officially met her until yesterday. “I’ll boop you once, and then you can tell me if I can keep going.” “That sounds fair. Go ahead.” I do the same song and dance. I put my hand into a pointing gesture and… Boop. I separate from her muzzle. She appears as stoic as ever. Actually, her muzzle felt hard compared to the others. She must be really strong. “Would you like me to keep going?” I ask. “Yes.” she responds. I nod and continue booping her. Each boop is the same as the last. I feel her hard muzzle, and she continues to stare at my finger with the same expressionless look. I don’t know if this is doing anything for her. While voice tone is easy to spot for me, facial tone is a different story. Maud Pie is giving me nothing to work with. If she hated it, she would have told me to stop, but it sure doesn’t look like she likes it. Normally, after a few boops, I would see some kind of response, but I’m getting absolute zero. I reach about fifty boops. I put my hand down, and Maud Pie follows my hand until it rests on the sofa. She then looks back at me. “How do you feel?” I ask, interested in the outcome. “I feel good.” she nods. “Much better than yesterday.” I can tell she’s being sincere. There’s a slight uptick in her tone of voice. “Thank you for your help.” “Anytime.” I smile. “Would you like a glass of water?” “Sure.” I get up and head for the kitchen. Another satisfied customer. While her reaction isn’t what I expected, it was almost refreshing to see. From the near crushing of Princess Celestia, the purring of Princess Luna, and the dog like nature of Princess Twilight, having a more stoic response is pleasing. I fill a mug full of water to give to Maud Pie. I turn around and… Oh, Maud Pie is in the kitchen with me. I didn’t even hear her come in. “Hey, Maud.” I smile, holding out the cup of water. “Here you go.” Maud Pie looks at the water, then back at me. “Is everything okay?” “Yes. I felt a connection back there.” she says. Um…what? “Excuse me?” I’m confused. “When you booped me. I felt such care and gentleness. There was affection in it. I felt that affection, too. I didn’t know I was your type, but I also like a pony who is straightforward in his intentions, even though you are not a pony.” “I-I…uh….I…” It’s hard to get the words out. She seriously thought my booping was…a form of flirting? “Maud…” “I have to admit. I didn’t know what to think of you when we first met, but now that I know your intentions, I think of you as handsome.” “I-I…I’m flattered, but…” “You haven’t been with a pony before. I understand. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure your entry is a comforting one.” Maud Pie wriggles her behind, like a cat getting ready to…uh-oh. POUNCE! Maud Pie jumps at me, and I immediately dodge! She lands perfectly on the kitchen counter, swiftly turning and looking at me. I can read her face now; her eyes show an insatiable lust. A lust? For me? The human who booped her? How could she think that booping is… She lunges again! I duck and dive out of the kitchen. I run to the door. Maud Pie is too fast! She’s suddenly at the front door. I back away slowly… “Maud…listen….the booping…it’s…” “I know you’re nervous. Don’t be. If your mating is as good as your booping, I think this will be a fulfilling relationship.” I have limited options here. I could try to push her out of the way and run out the door, but I can tell that she is a strong mare. I could turn and go to the back door, but she was so quick to get to the front door, that she could be just as fast getting to the back. I could go up the stairs and jump out the window, but that seems like the worst idea that could lead to injury. I could give up and let her…NO! Why would I do that?! Stupid brain! What’s wrong with…OH GOD! SHE’S LUNGING AGAIN! No other options are making sense. I run up the stairs, and into my bedroom. I shut the door and lock it. I hear Maud Pie hit the door with a meteoric WHAM, bending the wood ever so briefly. “Maud! Listen to me! Something has gone terribly wrong! The booping! It’s changed you!” “No, it hasn’t.” I hear her say on the other side of the door. “It has opened my eyes to something wonderful, and I must share it with you.” BASH! A foreleg comes bursting through the door. I scream. Maud Pie hits the door further, creating a bigger hole. She looks through the hole and sees my look of fright. “Don’t be afraid.” she says as calmly and as drolly as ever. Screw this. I jump out the window behind me. I begin to realize that this isn’t my smartest decision. One, I went through glass, which is expensive. Two, and this is a slightly more pressing matter…I’m on the second floor. Luckily, I land in some bushes. Actually, not all that luckily, since bushes don’t do too much to soften such a fall. Still, nothing has been broken, so I’ll take what I can get. “Owww….” I wheeze. I look up at the window. I don’t see Maud Pie looking down at me. Maybe she hasn’t fully broken through the door yet. I don’t want to stay here any longer. I need to get some help. Pinkie Pie. She might be able to help! I get up and take off running towards Sugar Cube Corner. I run as fast as I can go. I feel like an olympic champion by how fast I am going. There’s no way Maud Pie can catch up to me. I see Sugar Cube Corner. There’s a line of ponies waiting outside, no doubt looking to get some tasty treats. I hope she’s in, or else what I’m about to do is going to be extremely embarassing. “PINKIE PIE!!!” I shout. All heads turn to me. “PINKIE PIE! YOUR SISTER MAUD’S GONE CRAZY!!! SHE’S…” WHAM!!!! I am hit by what feels like a train, and I rocket into a nearby alleyway, onto some garbage. That hurt. Like, really hurt. The train analogy might be underselling it. I can’t move. I don’t want to move. I feel like if I tried to move, that I’ll discover that I have broken bones. How does Equestria treat broken bones? Do they use magic? Magical healing would be pretty useful. With my luck, it’ll be the normal and slow process. I wonder how much it costs? “There’s no need to run.” That familiar and droll voice. I open my eyes to see Maud Pie slowly approaching me, licking her lips. "This must be a scary experience for you. Being with somepony of a different species. You were probably taught that such a thing was unnatural. Strange.” She has no idea how right she is. Maud Pie is very close to me now. Anything can happen. I still hurt too much to get the courage to move. “Don’t be scared…” her mouth opens, getting closer to mine, “…I know that deep down, you want this. Your booping told me.” “MAUD!!!” a voice cries out from the end of the alley. Maud quickly turns around, milliseconds away from kissing me, to see the angry expression of the usually joyful Pinkie Pie, with a crowd of naturally curious ponies watching behind her. “Pinkie Pie!” I shout in joy. “Thank god you’re here!” “I don’t need to thank Celestia!” Pinkie Pie says in an amazingly tough voice, “I need to thank you! I heard your voice from inside the bakery. I had no idea that my sister was capable of such shameful acts!” She walks closer to Maud. “Explain!” “You can’t stop me, Pinkie." Maud Pie grasps me tightly. Ouch. Too strong. "I love him. We are meant to be together. I can tell. His booping was a sign that he wanted me.” Pinkie Pie looks past Maud, staring at me with a confused expression. I shake my head wildly, telling her that Maud is being crazy. Pinkie nods in understanding. If she’s not asking for clarification on booping, then…oh…did she get sent the letter, too? “Maud…” Pinkie Pie tones down her angry speech. “…booping…isn’t a form of affection.” “What? Yes it is. I know what affection feels like, and this felt like it. It felt good.” “Well, duh. It’s meant to feel good, silly. But, didn’t you read the letter closely? It said that it was a form of relaxation. It’s not meant to be intimate.” “It felt intimate. I felt my stress just fade away.” “That’s what booping is meant to be! A stress reliever! Whatever you thought he was doing to you, it wasn’t some form of intimacy. He was being nice.” “He…” Maud Pie turns to me, “…you weren’t trying to initiate mating?” “No.” I shake my head. “I wasn’t trying to woo you. I was trying to make you feel better. I wasn’t expecting this.” Still not moving. Still in pain. “I…I…” Maud Pie looks around the alleyway, then back at me splayed out on the garbage. “Oh, sweet Celestia. This is embarrassing. I almost…I tried to…this was…” It's hard for her to get the words out. I know exactly what she tried to do. There's a word for it in my world. I move. Surprisingly, I feel nothing is broken. I can move my arms, legs, fingers, toes, back, and nose. Yes, my side hurts like hell, and I should be expecting a massive bruise in the next couple of days. Maybe I should visit the doctor before I go home. I stand up and pat myself of any dirt and garbage that made it onto my clothes. “Yeah…you became a total whacko.” “Is that the official term?” Maud Pie smirks a little bit. Wow, I didn’t even know she could smirk. Still doesn’t change that I still feel a little uneasy around her. “I could make an official term, but I can’t right now.” I clutch my side. “Oww…I have to get to the hospital. You really did a number on my side.” “Oh.” Maud Pie goes to me, guiding me out of the alleyway. I try to keep my distance, but she's providing a good source of balance. “I’ll take you to Ponyville General. This is all my fault, and I should make it up to you.” Maud Pie thinks for a moment. “Right, I’ll have ponies come to your house and fix your door and window.” “Door and window?” Pinkie queries, “What happened to his door and window?” “I broke his bedroom door, and he jumped out the window to escape.” “He did?!” Pinkie Pie gasps, looking up at me. “You did?!” "Yeah. It was pretty sick." I try to play it off. It's not working. I'm in too much pain to hide the fact that jumping out the window was an impressively bad idea. "Hey, Maud?" "Yeah?" "Do you work out?" "No. Why?" "No reason." I'm lying. Inside, I'm amazed that she is so strong. The fact that she doesn't work out, but was strong enough to break through the door and ram me so hard that my insides feel like they've gone kaput, is incredible. "Jesus Christ." I whisper to myself. Hopefully, a trip to the hospital will take care of my injuries.