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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I was tempted to title this chapter "Random Encounters", since the idea amused me, but I figured that might be a little misleading.
Wohoo! an update! And huh, that a reference to horizons in wondering? But interesting start none the less.
Hah!
I guess some of these Stables really messed up their inhabitants
Thank goodness (and LittlePip) this is post-Goddess
Ah. News of these developments don't seem to have reached her
I honestly expected the scene change to be followed by them being sniffed by a curious alicorn
Ahh. That wonderful, wonderful shapeshifting ability. So useful in war times. Irresistible, really, especially given the Zebras and their stealth cloaks. Yeah, they'd be guinea pigs all right
Ooh. Are we in for some spectacular Alicorn vs Raider Scum combat?
Aww. No raider slaughter.
Umm. That sounds suspiciously like "lair of some beast" to me...
Well, really, food that's abandoned is just wasting away there. Better that someone use it than that no one can use it.
Well, crap
Lair of some beast, indeed! Yikes. To be honest, now I'm somewhat wondering what made her decide not to kill off these two trespassers.
...maybe she was just tired and sleepy, I guess
Well, what if those ponies were raiders, and she was being paid by the head?
My bets are on "thoroughly uncivilized bounty hunter" at the moment. Heck, might be an ex-raider who found a promising change of career.
Welp. Food source secured. If they manage to rest up a bit, that is.
Aww. The ending there was really cute.
...It's weird to describe a chapter that contains a bag of severed pony heads as being "cute". But that's Fallout: Equestria for you, I guess.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
She isn't raider or bounty hunter, thats heads are just her dinner ;D
Awww the heart aching bittersweet mix of a fallout equestria mix with the spice of love bugs.... Delicious
Finally caught up. Yay, now I can wait on cliffhangers! :)
Very daring, introducing a whole bunch of ponies and letting us get to know them and then wiping them all out. Chapter 2 exceeded the body count of all of your other stories combined (in fact, I can only think of one fatality in your other stories offhand).
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Hopefully won't have to wait too long! Next chapter is just waiting on editing, and I'm already a fair way through writing the next!
I'm guessing that one was Ceymi? What is it with me and making interesting characters just to kill them off immediately? Though I think Without a Hive still holds the record; there were also the two soldiers and about a dozen nymphs along with her. But I'm sure that record won't hold for long...
6653814 Oh, wow, I completely forgot about the massacre at the beginning of Without a Hive. :) I was thinking of the assassin that got killed in A New Way. I was really hoping Twilight would get a chance to hang out with her after peace broke out, so I guess that stuck with me.
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Ah, yes! That would have been a wonderfully awkward conversation, wouldn't it? "Sooo... you were trained to kill me, huh?"
6653937 I've always imagined it'd be pretty awesome, actually. Twilight would get to hang out with someone who has intensively studied all of her personal interests. It's like she was training to be Twilight's best friend. I imagine if anyone would be weirded out it'd be the assassin.
Edit: Oh, I should probably say something more about this story while I'm in its comments section, rather than continuing to ramble on about your previous story.
Um. Good thing they got away from that crazy pony with the bag full of heads, I'm sure we'll never see her again and her head-bag wasn't significant? Yeah, that seems likely. :)
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Yep, no chance of ever running into her again. Just some random encounter thrown in to fill time, no reason to any of it. Nope, nope, nope. She couldn't possibly have any influence on the rest of the story at all.
(On a completely unrelated note, we seriously need an liar-jack emote!)
Well, at least that survived. And the ending was heartwarming.
Reading the comments, is there some required reading to get all the references?
Cya
Raziel-chan
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If you mean the references made in the comments, it was just comparing this story to the other non-Fallout:Equestria stories I've written. They're completely separate from this one, so you don't need to have read them to understand this story.
The way the scene was set up and described makes me think that the alicorn may have been blind for some reason.
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That would have been just the best! I have the most adorable mental image of that, right now!
Isn't his name Long Haul?
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Oh, wow. How did I mess that one up?
Fixed.
Twilight might be watching. Interesting.
Yay, for friendships~
*Sustained by this love
Find you shelter in deep warmth
That you might prosper*
We shall read on.
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I'm really not certain how to answer that.
There will certainly be more things revealed or explained later on, but that's kind of the nature of a story, and particularly of the situation of this particular story. Whisper is from a world two hundred years removed from the one she is currently in. She will learn about some of those changes, whether through direct discovery or by having those details explained to her by others. A certain degree of that is unavoidable. That's especially true for Fallout: Equestria stories; the discovery and ramifications of the past are a large part of most stories in the setting.
That said, I try to keep the explanations as unobtrusive as possible. While Whisper's discovery of the world she's found herself in is a huge part of the story, I try to minimize explanations of things that the reader would already know, and instead focus on how these discoveries affect her. I try to weave the information into dialog or events rather than just laying it all out in direct statements to the reader. The first few paragraphs of this chapter are probably the closest I get to doing that, but it's also a sequence that serves multiple purposes: it serves as an establishing and transitional moment between the events and emotions at the end of the previous chapter and the beginning of this one, gives the reader a better idea of what kind of changelings are portrayed in this story, and shows a bit of Whisper's mentality with how she explains and justifies her actions to her audience. I also use the opening of many chapters as an opportunity for Whisper to reflect upon events and how they've affected her, and often to speak a little more to the audience, something that was largely inspired by how the original Fallout: Equestria did the same thing (Some of which could be quite lengthy). Naturally, some of her reflection is going to be upon her past, and while I try to keep the outright statements of "this is how things are" to a minimum, she will occasionally have to explain those things.
And in the cases where I do explain things that the reader would already know, it's typically done to illustrate how Whisper doesn't know something we do, or how her understanding of it is different.
So... I'd like to assure you that there won't be any more "exposition dumps", except I don't really see that they were a thing for there to even be more of, much less enough to induce weariness or gain the descriptor "dumps". Especially not in comparison to Fallout: Equestria and other side-stories. About the best I could say is that the short bit at the beginning of the chapter goes a good deal further than usual, as well as being unusual in how direct it addresses the information to the audience, and that the need to explain elements of Whisper's past will naturally diminish as time goes on. With most of the basic elements already established, there isn't much reason to re-tread old territory. Not unless doing so would serve some sort of point...
Typo correction:
"and I set box just outside" - *the box
Good story though
So, you're telling me, that this changeling can synthesize muscles just to walk better?
well if that's the case I'm assuming if she turned into a dragon we should be expecting some red barrels to explode too, hmm?
Funny how it's more accurately an ancient "Trixie" then an ancient Twiligjt. Don't you think?
Dude. It says something about processed foods when a 200 year old changeling can eat a snack cake and not tell the difference.
Wow. Talk about a hell of a time.
who ever said you needed cracked deserts and killer heat to make hell?
I'm thinking torrential downpours for days on end would be just as bad. Especially in the cold.
But that raider...I'm thinking of calling her Helga just because of her into.
I get the feeling she would be a good character to come back too, if not just for information of some sort, and if they brought trade.
She strikes me as a "deeper then that" kind of pony, even if she dragged in a net of heads.
Who's to say they weren't raider heads?
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haha ya maybe they are raider heads. hopefully
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Maybe she's a mercenary? Bringing heads in as proof and all that.
I bet that masked mare sounds like Rosengurtle from Boondock Saints.
See this is what I'm talking about. You try to explain that changelings are misunderstood as heartless monsters and then try to explain that they love and stuff. I considered that a given from the 1st chapter where she felt horrified by her hive's death.
3 years late to the party, but I love this imagery.
"Hmmmm... Looks like pony." Sniff. "Smell like coal." Lick.
"Hey! You... licked me?"
"Tastes like coal. Hello coal pony!"
Aww come on, don't be so picky! The brahmin can graze around in the wasteland, I mean they could in the last chapter, so there must be some kind of edible grasses around and such. One can wonder why no pony in FoE have ever been found eating grass instead of meat, but that is a minor detail.
Ehhh... Flutterbutter would have tried to save as many equines as possible no matter what, so the megaspells would have happened in one way or another. I mean a megaspell is "just" a ton of ponies doing the same spell at once, so even without Flutterflut would the boost in tech mean that someone would make a bigger spell matrix to do something at some point... Yes yes I know that she means the weaponized version, but that is a minor detail!
Wait... Our (still unnamed) main character is a big questionmark when megaspells is mentioned, altough this could be in regards to how many and how they were used, but did not question what radiation is, when radiation is a byproduct of balefire bombs... I smell something fishy here, something fishy that actually made me make a weekly discussion thread since I couldn't the events to ad up at all, so thanks for (possiple) helping me realise one of the biggest plotholes in the whole FoE setting.
Wait wait wait... I get that they were at a coal tower, but to have actual coal just laying around!!1! Having coal laying around in FoE would be like having gold just laying around, not only was it worth a ton at the hight of the war, the whole energy war and what not, but when the world is burning is coal an amazing fuelsource for when you need some controlled fire. I get how there can lay coal strewn around in Fo since they were focused on gasoline and oil, but even they were hurting so much for fuel that they began to fight over Canada and all of the wood there were up there.
All in all, having fuel just laying around, 202 years after the bombs that haven't been looted, no matter how far it is away from civilization, big no no!
Okay... I get that Whisper needs to be "good" as it is an easy way to make them likable to the reader, but feeling that "stealing" from your lifestock is wrong and not something that she is able to do... She have just praised the dream of being an assasin earlier, says that she is an infiltrator/spy whose job it is to steal, sure information but it is still stealing none the less, and now finding a drug den that have been left for months have moral questions about taking the loot. In the chapter before did we just see Whisper steal literal happyness to survive, but taking someones stash of food and water is too much?
"We don’t really need the food that bad.” *two paragraphs later* We shared a quick meal of our own shared food, splitting Starlight’s last snack cake... Fine fine maybe a bit too nitpicky here, but yea, seems contradictory. Also please note that the reason that I pull up small things like this is that I can't find anything bigger to talk about, so don't see it as a me trying to point out big and glaring mistakes, see it as an extra layer of polish on an already fine piece of work.
... Okay with me having completed the chapther now, and not just commenting in the same second I read stuff, can I see why they didn't looted the lair, but beside plot reasons does it still seem silly to me that a wastelander and a spy would have trouble taking food from a place that seemed to be deserted for months.
Nitpick:
"it may well save my life again." first of all, is it not missing a verry. Secondly is it not in the wrong tense? I know that past/present tense is a bitch when speaking about past thoughts about present/future events.
"The sights were simple metal posts sticking up from the side of the barrel," Should it not be out since it is to a side and not actually up?
" I hoped that Starlight’s assessment was borne out of grief or bias. " Born? Or am I just an uncultured swine that dosn't know this word?
"but we weren’t held back waiting on heavily laden brahmin." Missing an a
"Don’t know what a meat tenderizer is? Ask a griffon sometime. It’s a mallet with a particularly vicious-looking grid of pyramid-like metal spikes. They use it to tenderize meat and lack any imagination for names." Dosn't really work that Whisper tells the audience to go ask a griffon to get a description, and then delivers a description.
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She meant the megaspell exchange, the whole apocalypse, not the development of megaspells. Basically, she's saying that more aggressive espionage might have prevented the end of the world (though she'd also admit, probably not).
I'd considered that, but this was a remote location, in a very sparsely populated part of Equestria, and where there was little demand for fuel. The few places that needed proper power have better options already available (spark generators, for example), and what fuel is needed is probably already well covered by local resources, whether it's the sparse vegetation or salvaged materials. The amount of fuel available in a ruined city is insane. Most of those places probably had their own coal reserves, too. So the coal isn't super expensive, it's heavy, and even if you find some demand, you probably can't sell large quantities of it in any one place. It'd get looted eventually, but they haven't even finished salvaging the local city ruins, so a remote mine in raider-held territory isn't a very high priority.
There's some more discussion later on throughout the story that might shine more light on this, but I don't think it's quite that simple. It basically boils down to: she doesn't like the idea of hurting ponies, but she's willing to if it is necessary and justified. The assassination thing was something she had idly pondered (Like a daydream sort of thing), and comes with the expectation that she'd be directed at people deserving of it. Meanwhile, stealing from a regular pony can hurt that pony, and in this case, doesn't serve any vital need. Whisper sees enough signs that the place is inhabited, so they'd be taking food from a pony that might need it while they don't. Plus, Starlight can come back later, and if it's still untouched, they can claim it as abandoned. And on top of that, Whisper is a long-term social Infiltrator; part of her role includes acting like a good pony, and the image of a good pony is probably one that is at least a little uncomfortable with stealing other peoples' stuff.
Though I should point out, it's absolutely something she is able to do, if she decides it needs to be done. She just isn't convinced that's the case here.
I know Starlight might be devastated to have run out of her beloved after-meal dessert, but they do have other food.
Though I suppose the line wasn't super clear on that.
Hey, no worries! I like talking about this stuff!
It works with or without very. As for the tense, it's one of those tricky cases, but I believe it's correct and consistent with her past-tense narration. The rifle had saved her before, and it may save her again.
It's basically describing offset iron sights. They're mounted on the side, but sticking up. It's modeled off weapons like the Bren LMG's sights, particularly that front portion. The idea was that, since the weapon is held in the mouth, the sights are offset beside the barrel to line up with the shooter's eye.
Oof. You know what's really messed up about this one? Both "born" and "borne" are the same word in the same tense. They're both the past participle of bear. It's just that the past participle of bear is "borne" except in the one specific context where you use "born." And I messed up here, because this is that one context.
Seriously, English. Why must you be this way? Just... why?
Well, a griffon might be able to actually show you one.
Huh, looks like I never gave this chapter "the treatment"?
> about to lay down
about to [lie] down
> before laying atop it
before [lying] atop it
> was laying right next to me
was [lying] right next to me
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I think that's one of the questions that's never fully answered in the original. Littlepip said that "everypony" descended from someone who lived in a stable, but she also said that when she was pretty new to the Wasteland, so she might have been wrong (though Calamity, who was a bit less-new to it, didn't contradict her). It's also not clear if that refers only to the local Manehattan/Fillydelphia/Canterlot region or if it was more widespread. And, I mean, the pegasi survived outside of the stables, so it's not strictly true.
I figure if the pegasi survived above the clouds, it's plausible that ground-bound ponies survived in more remote regions. I also figure that ponies don't have the greatest historical records, and might not actually know for sure where their ancestors came from, specifically. That's why I had her answer kind of vaguely. She reinforces the idea that everyone outside the stables died (which I figure would be the default assumption), but then casts a tiny bit of doubt on that with the "pretty much everyone" comment.
when will starlight find out that the main character is a changling? i think? tell me if im wrong