Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)

Could be better. This story suffers from a lack of originality, mainly centering around creating a character the author would most likely want to be. In order to make a good character, they have to have faults. You can't see yourself in the character if they're perfect, or just randomly godlike in their abilities. A story is about the rise of a hero and their trials, not about a superhero who was instantly invincible. They have to fail, they have to falter. They have to have a conflict with not only the world around them but themselves. This lacks that. I see a super mare who has no reason to be super. Being the main character should not warrant godlike abilities. Prove to me that they earned this ability, or even justify why they have them to begin with.

You become a hero, not born one.

And don't get me started on the villain... Lord have mercy this is a bad one. I already ripped apart the hero, so I'm done with the harsh words.

Now, with that out of the way, I do have some good things to says about this. The writing style is good, and although the plot needs work, it at least shows the basics as far as the writers ability to keep a stable narrative. In my eyes, the story is dead; unsavable. But! I do believe the author has the potential to create something better; something free from these sadly key flaws that only persist because of lack of experience.

I don't want to be rude, or mean, or anything like that, but I say move on from this lost cause. Move onto something better that I know you can do. Granted, this story does have the potential to be salvaged to... passable, levels, I still believe you should cut your losses and try again—move on from this practice piece.

This is the definition of it's not the author, it's the story.

~ Neon Lights

6902497 thank you for the feedback... I may just take your advice and end it... I've been quite unsure of things lately.

6902619 If you take one thing to heart from me, be it that I mean none of this in a bad way. You have talent, and I don't mean to undermine it with my words of criticism. It hurts me when I have to say this, but I truly do feel that, if you step away, a fresh start with what you have learned from this story will give way to something amazing, something I know I'll read without a second thought. I never meant to make you feel bad or damnage you as an author, but I know there is no way around it. Don't lose faith in yourself or your abilities; learn from your practice run and bring forth something greater from the ashes.

I now follow you and await future content. If you stop here, then I know I've failed and done the one thing I never want to do to an author, and that is to make them loose faith in either themselves or their ability. I only wish to help, even if that help hurts.

Keep on going, my friend. I have faith.

~ Neon Lights

6902725 Thank you... It may take me a while to construct something new... I'm not sure if it will be Fallout Equestria. Maybe a mystery story... I really like that stuff.