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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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A lot of other FoE stories have thrown kids into them, but have mostly used them as sadness fodder, staring daggers at you PH, so its really really nice to see Missile being allowed the life kids life that he have in the story, and it is surprising that it took me so long to realise how much that I enjoyed him. He is not just a kid there to be a kid, he is a part of the group, the family, that just happens to be a kid.
Wait... PH inspired this story... At least did it do something right for once. Still not a fan of PH thou.
Nitpick:
"What. could feel the ground shaking" I would say that it is a question, maybe to himself, but still, so could use a question mark
"Doctor Zimri had peeked his head above the staircase railing. When he nodded when he noticed my note" I would say comma and then some rewording to make the two fit each other better