“Jesus tap dancing Christ!” DA said with a hushed gasp.

“DA! No taking the Lords name in vain.” I managed to hiss at DA, resisting the urge to smack him upside the head.

“Can’t help it! That’s almost twenty eight pounds of C-4!”

“We know, Dumbass. We can count.” Sunday said as she, along with the rest of us, looked at the pile of plastic explosives in aged plastic bags.

“So… much… boom!”

I couldn’t help but nod in agreement with DA on that one. Yeah, we’re stuck in a lab as a group of homicidal raiders is readying a missile launcher to tear down the door. But if you don’t make the time to admire the small things in life… or potentially bigger, louder and most awesome-er things… then who will?

“So… what can we do with it?” I asked as I looked at Sunday.

She simply shrugged as she turned to DA. “You got any idea’s, Dumbass?”

He looked deep in thought as a small smile came to his face. “Oh, yeah… I got an idea or two.”

“Either one of them doesn’t involve us getting buried in here?” Sunday, smartly I might add, asked as I looked in his direction.

“Yes-ish…”

“You mean maybe.” I corrected as I looked at DA.

“No, I mean Yes, but not quite one hundred percent yes.”

“Sooo… maybe.” Sunday added in as she shared my look of exacerbation.

“No no, look…” DA put his right hoof to one side as he looked at us. “This is Yes.” He put his left hand up. “This is No.” He brought his two hooves together in the center with a clop. “And this is maybe. Yes-ish is more….” He brought his right hoof back up as he slowly brought his left hoof closer to it, till it was only two inches away. “Like this. Got what I mean?”

For the first time since I got to Equestria… nay, since my Uncle Keven tried to create a moonshine powered engine (Please, for the love of God, don’t ask why) my brain started to hurt. Apparently, Sunday suffered the same kind of pain I did, since the only relief we could get was from us smacking our foreheads with our palms and hooves, respectively. However, we recovered in mere seconds as Sunday let out a slight growl.

“Alright, what are the plans?”

“First one, we put the C-4 on us and threaten to blow the Vault up with them in it if they don’t let us go.” DA said with a smile.

Not a bad idea, but still not a great one.

“The other?” I asked as I looked back down at the C-4.

“We make little balls, throw it at them, and hope that one of the Night Mares tries to catch it with her magic.” DA’s left eye started to twitch as the smile slowly grew larger.

“Why is that?”

“Boooooooom.” You know when an anime character is right on the cusp of loosing their marbles? That was the SAME EXACT LOOK DA had on his face as his hooves flew out, imitating a mushroom cloud. However, with him, I actually think it was a good look.

Sunday looked at me, ignoreing DA’s sudden pantomime. “C-4 reacts to Electrical pulses. Magic has electricity in it. Sooo…”

Everything just clicked for me right then and there. Why shouldn’t it? I’m an American, damn it! I need crap blowing up to make things interesting! “I’m voting for plan two. I really, really like plan two now.” I said as a smile went over my face. Now to sound smart so I don’t look like a crazy person. “Think of it… not only can we get the jump on them, but even if we don’t get her to set off the ball of explosive fun, you could do it remotely.” I said to Sunday, almost imitating DA as he nodded in agreement.

Sunday, however, pointed to the ground. “Alright, smart guys, say that I did do that, what would happen if a stray shock just happened to get through the two hundred year old magic resistant plastic covering the rest of the C-4? Keep in mind that if the Night Mare didn’t get fried, there isn’t anything to keep her from doing the same to us.”

My smile crashed like a clown car at a monster truck rally. “Way to kill the fun, Miss Buzz Killington.”

“Yeah, using Logic and Forward thinking to get in the way of a potentially fun set up.” DA and my faces continued to mimic each other as Sunday picked up a brick with her hooves.

“Hey, if this works, it means you’ll have more C-4 to use next time…” She said in a teasing manner, like she was handing treats to children.

“Oooo! I call that mechanical cart on the side of the road!” DA said with a smile on his face as he placed a few bricks of C-4 on his person.

I leaned over, keeping my then fake smile plastered on my face as I picked up the rest. “Well, it might not be blowing anything up, but it’ll be fun making these Bad Dreams crap themselves when they see us covered in Plastic Explosives.” I put in a few bricks till an idea hit. I looked in one drawer and saw a small purse, and put a small, open brick inside it. I couldn’t help but smile as I pulled the purse up to my elbow and looked at DA and Sunday. “How about if we take a nice stroll out of here? I’ve been in need of fresh air myself.”

“Indubitably.” Sunday retorted as she reloaded her shotgun, holding it in her hooves. DA brought his assault rifle up, and the two pony’s walked on their hind legs to the door.

Sunday slowly opened the door as DA and I got to the corner and waited. She cleared her throat as she called out. “Hey, got a question for ya, Miss Night Mare. What’s your name?”

The Night Mare growled a bit before she cleared her throat. “Just call me Night Shade, sweetie. No need to be formal.”

“Well, Night Shade, I’d like to tell you right now, that we got something for you to mull over.” She stepped out, and I could hear two, maybe three rifles click as they were raised. “We, and when I say we, I mean myself and BOTH of my friends, are going to get out of this Vault. If you don’t let us leave, and this is me not wanting to be so clichéd, but you’ll know exactly what it’s like to be in a worms guts. Got it?”

Several of the Night Stallions around their leader were already cussing up a storm, hoping to look from their leader what to do next. When Sunday waved for DA and I to move out, I finally got a look at the small group of Bad Dreams. Three stallions; one Pegasus stallion with a purple coat and yellow mane was armed with an assault rifle almost like DA’s, except in much worse condition, two Earth Stallions, one being Non-Keanue Reeves, while the other was a shorter, light blue fat guy with one eye and shaved mane. Now, Miss Night Shade, being the only mare, was easier to tell who she was. A unicorn with obviously dyed black coat (her original color was a sickly green) with a fake cutie mark resembling Luna. Her body had scars galore on her barrel. Her eyes were… odd. I can’t quite explain it better than to say it was like they were dipped into coffee and dyed the edges blood red. They could tell what was around our torso’s, and slowly began to walk back. I noticed that none of them had the missile launcher on them, which made me wonder where they left the thing.

We didn’t have to wonder for long, as I heard something fall down on the floor with a clank. Sunday was the one to look at her feet first, and she let out a slight chuckle as she looked back at the small group of raiders.

“Looks like someone forgot their toys.” She said with a dark laugh.

Night Shade glared at the short, fat stallion as Sunday motioned for me to get the launcher. The thing was heavy, and I struggled to keep my finger off the trigger as I let it rest on my shoulder.

“Be careful with that, Jerry! We already got to worry about the damn C-4. If you drop it…” DA warned as I readjusted the large weapon.

I fumbled. I wished that it was on purpose, but yeah… it wasn’t. Everyone let out a gasp as I juggled the large, cumbersome thing for a full five seconds before it rested back on my shoulder. I heard water hitting the floor, and Not-Keanue looked down in fearful shame.

“Did he just…?” DA said as he looked down at the Earth Pony’s hooves.

“On the floor? Yes.” Sunday almost giggled. Almost.

The group, as a whole, scotched backwards as Sunday, DA and I skirted around the newly made puddle. I felt good about how things were going, till I realized something. What are we going to do once we are out in the open? I mean, once the group is outside, who cares about if we blow up? Or would they try and take me alive, pulling me away from Sunday and DA? What was stopping them from killing them once we got to the surface? I mean, even with the C-4, if there is anyone that is good with a pistol, they can take them both out.

Sunday probably realized that as soon as we got to the entrance to the Vault.

Two full grown Deathclaws lay on the ground, dead. One’s top portion of their head was missing, while the other had a gaping wound in its stomach. Their blood pooled around their bodies as their bodies laid on the top of the steps leading to the vault doors, and because of that, the steps where a hazard as the small group of raiders tried to back down.

“Watch your step, folks. Kind of slippery.” DA teased as he looked at them stumble about. The only Night Stallion who didn’t slip was the skinny purple Pegasus. Now looking at the guy, he had seen better days. He was jittery, barely able to keep his eyes on us longer than a few seconds as he looked around. When he flew down the stairs, it looked more like a housefly more than a majestic creature of lore. I could just guess that he was either on Jet or something harder, if there was anything harder.

Heh… maybe he was on meth?

…

Why am I suddenly thinking of Applebloom with the face of Bryan Cranston telling Pinkie it was “Time to Cook”? Have no idea.

Wait a minute… Jessie Pinkman? Pinkie? OH, DAMN IT! Eureka! It makes sense now! Third eye opened!

Hold on, why do I feel like my feet are up in the-

THUD!

WHAM!

FWOOOOooooooooooosh!

Bang!

/////////////////////////////////////////////

One inch.

One fucking inch. That was all the air that was between my fucking head and a missile that went past.

But not only did it manage NOT to hit me or Dumbass in the head, or any of the scared shitless Bad Dreams, but it CURVED UP the FUCKING STAIRS, like it was late for some sort of meeting of Blowing Up Shit Anonymous! I shit you not!

We sat there for a good five minutes, looking at the fucking stairs leading up to the gas station, just trying to let everything set in. We could have easily died, no fucking way to get around that. I wanted to look back to see what the FUCK Jerry did, but I was just…

“Ow, my butt…” Jerry’s voice carried as he sat up. I saw him at the edge of my vision, looking at the launcher, then up at the stairs, then back at the launcher. “Where did the missile go?”

Dear sweet Sisters… I’m not sure if I’m pissed, or happy. I might have to make a new emotion that means I’m so pissed off that I’m glad we’re all alive.

“That… was… AWESOME!” Dumbass managed to further break the silence as I heard some of the Night Stallions chuckle to themselves like idiots. I looked at Night Shade, and we shared a look that essentially stated everything we needed to say to one another. Stallions are idiots.

Now, we still had the upper hoof. We were covered in c-4 in an underground lab. They knew it, we knew it. The small group still acted nice to us as they packed to the stairs.

“You know, hon, you’ve done a good job with your boys there. Normally I’d be pissed off, but I like you. Let us go, and we won’t try and find and tear you to pieces. Sound good?” Night Shade said with a smile. Said smile was an ugly affair. Not because of a lack of hygine, but mostly because I noticed for the first time that she had actually sharpened two teeth into fangs.

Don’t be thinking I’m against carnivores or omnivores. I’ve talked, befriended and slept with both in my time. Something about a pony sharpening their teeth, though was unnatural.

“Did you file down your teeth for that? That’s got to hurt.” Jerry asked as he stood back up, his pants covered in Deathclaw blood. The look on Night Shade was worth watching.

“What the hell is that human on?” She asked me.

“No fucking clue. I need to ask him to share.” I kidded, only to have Dumbass smack me in the foreleg.

“Don’t even kid about that, Sunday.” Dumbass almost hissed at me.

I should know better. I almost OD’ed that last time I had anything. Quitting cold turkey makes you forget what your limits are with chems. I had him holding back my mane as I tried to recover that week. He kept on telling me how worried I made him. I kind of wished that he knew.

Fucking Dumbass with his tit fetish.

“Back to our little negotiation…” I looked at Night Shade with a half assed smirk on my face. “I don’t see why I should…”

“Now hold on, there! I didn’t say anything-“She tried to interrupt as I brought my hoof up to stop her from talking.

“HOWEVER… the lot of you have been doing pretty well on not being assholes to us… save for trying to shoot all those missiles at us.” I started to smile at Night Shade as we made our way to the stairs. “If you had, you’d have blown yourself up as well as us, so it’s kind of hard for me to keep hating you. Well, actually, knowing you’re a part of the Bad Dreams still makes me hate you, just not nearly enough to go on and kill you outright.” While the rest of her group slowly climbed up the stairs to get away from us, she stayed put, looking right into my eyes. I was barely a body length away from her as she continued to grin at me. “You all run… not to your friends. Away from New Pittsburg. Don’t care where, just don’t let me catch you doing your regular raider shit, especially to us, and you’ll be fi-“The bitch forced her lips onto mine and kissed me like there was no tomorrow.

I did not enjoy myself.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” She tried to sing it with her ugly ass voice.

She pulled away from me thinking she had made a new “special friend”, and I think I might have caught some new form of the CLAP.

Dumbass and Jerry looked at me, Dumbass with surprise and a bit of… Hell, I’ve never look at me like that before. Jerry’s open mouth and horrified expression more than made it obvious that he knew what was going through my mind.

“Did it taste like a used ashtray in a trucker’s restroom?” I couldn’t tell which one said it as I shivered in revulsion and decided to taste the wall we were going up.

“God damn it… I need liquor! Vodka, even turpentine! I don’t care; just let me drink it to get the taste off my tongue!” I whispered to them as I felt my taste buds refresh themselves with the grime of the old secret tunnels.

As we made our way up, we came to the room that was once the backroom to the convenience store. A new hole in the roof and a large hole in the wall showed the destruction that could have happened downstairs.

Jerry was looking down at the launcher, and he was not as happy about it as he seemed.

“Okay, I did not mean for that to happen.”

I didn’t bother saying anything as we slowly made our way to the front. DA looked out the window, making sure to stay down enough to keep from being seen. He peeked out the door and then turned to us with a smile.

“Looks like they took your advice… Heading west of here.”

I smiled as I walked over to DA’s side, sitting next to him as I began to pull off the c-4 on my fur. “Good, now help me get this crap off me. Last thing I want is to have this shit stick to my ass and blow up with a stray magic charge.”

DA… I mean Dumbass rolled his eyes as Jerry walked to us, opening a case that he kept the rest of the C-4 in.

We must have been at it for at least fifteen minuets, cleaning each other off and putting the now rounded balls of plastic explosives and pits of fur into the bag. Obviously, Jerry was the easiest since he simply took off his shirt and stuffed it into the bag, leaving him in his undershirt.

The boy really needs to work out. He just doesn’t have the body to show off to anybody.

He realized the looks he got from us (Dumbass’ right eye twitched a little bit) and he looked around for anything he could use to put on his newly exposed upper body. It didn’t take long for him to find an old t-shirt being sold in the corner with the words “I’m with Derpy” and an arrow pointing to the right.

I remember, vaguely, what my mom told me about before the war, there where screens called TV’s used to tell stories and skits, and one of the shows was called “I Love Derpy”. A comedy about a pegasus mare who married a hybrid band leader. She always wanted to show him that she could be a star in his show, but things would always go wrong, and hilarity would ensue.

Jerry looked down at the T-Shirt and just grinned from ear to ear. “Now, don’t that beat all…” He looked up at me, still smiling. “I swear, if I ever make it back to my world, and I get, like, a hundred of these, I can be rich in ten seconds flat.” After five seconds, his smile melted as he said something under his breath. It was like he had said something stupid(er than usual), and he actually realized it this time.

Progress.

We looked out the window once more, and saw no one else out and about. Of course, that didn’t mean that there wasn’t somepony waiting to ambush us, but again, we couldn’t stay in here that much longer. Dumbass opened the door, and we all filed out, paying close attention to our surroundings. It didn’t take long before the silence that we so enjoyed was broken by none other than Jerry.

“So, you think that Night Shade left us be?”

I sighed a bit as I looked back at him. “I hope so. The fewer shells I got to use on Bad Dream scum, the better. Shotgun shells don’t grow on trees.”

“Not much grows on trees right now.” Dumbass chimed in.

“What about those trees near the town?” Jerry asked.

He had to bring those stupid trees up, didn’t he? “Jerry, trust me. They aren’t worth worrying about.”

“Unless they are made out of the ground up bodies of little babies, I don’t see why it’s such a big deal. That’s all I’m saying.”

I don’t want to think about it.

Shut up, Jerry. Please, just shut up. You don’t need to know.

“Jerry, I told you to drop it. Drop. It.” Dumbass’ voice was comforting to me, but I could feel Jerry’s heartbeat rise. He never saw Dumbass angry. He knows he doesn’t want to make him angry.

We continued walking in silence for a mile. The last I saw Jerry, he looked ashamed. Maybe he was catching on that it’s a sore subject. I hope so.

Maybe in a few weeks, when he trusts us more we can tell him.

*Snap*

Everything froze around me. Then I heard a laser pistol charge up.

“RUN!”

I didn’t care who said it. I went to a full gallop, and ran. I could hear more hoof beats as I focused on getting to the ridge. Daisy could see us. She is supposed to be expecting us, her shot ready for anything out of the ordinary.

Please, Dumbass, Jerry, be behind me…

/////////////////////////////////////

*Snap*

I saw Sunday freeze. I froze in place. Jerry didn’t. He reached for his pistol, and he turned.

“RUN!” He shouted as he slapped my flank like a wasteland Brahmin. I didn’t argue as I followed Sunday. I could make out shimmering images in the corner of my eyes.

I couldn’t hear his footsteps, but I didn’t stop. My body wanted to be safe.

Why didn’t my mind stop my legs? How come I can’t stop running?

The rim was closer and closer, and I heard it. Shots from a laser pistol and the sudden collapse of a body to the ground. A few more shots, then a grunt of pain.

I wanted to look back, but I didn’t.

“God damn me… God damn me…”

////////////////////////////////

I need to reroll a better character, because this one SUCKS!

The Pip Boy was doing great! At least, that’s what I thought. Then, I heard a snap, like someone stepped on a stick. And that’s when I saw ten red dots behind us.

I went into VATS, and began to look at what we had to worry about. I did not like what I saw.

I saw the outlines of two Pegasus’ a good two hundred yards away and up in the air, as well as six earth ponies, one being a tall son of a bitch, able to stare me in the eyes on all fours. I then saw two unicorns in the back. I can’t make out more than just an outline, so I can try and shoot at that, but knowing my luck, it’ll miss and the shots will hit me in the nuts. What do I do?

I guess the smartest thing to do is to get DA and Sunday out of here. Logic dictates that they want me more than them. They run off, get help, and they come back to save me.

I don’t like this plan.

I could always take the cowards way out. Quick, painless. Better than being used as someone’s sex toy.

I felt angry at myself just thinking that. No. I don’t care if they do the most horrible things to me imaginable, I will never give them the satisfaction of knowing that they would make me do that to myself. I can do this. Give them both time. Aim at the two fly boys first. Then I can give up or something. Just got to give them a few seconds.

I began to put in the shots on Vats, aiming at the wings of both Pegasi. No kill shots. Just got to get their attention.

God, please let this work.

I activated VATS as I swung my hand back to smack DA in the flank. Hope he doesn’t think I’m coming onto him after this.

“RUN!”

My pistol raised up, and I saw the beam shoot across the air, and hit the wing of the closest target, making him plummet to the ground. I heard a crack as he hit the ground, his camo flickering off. His wings where bent in a very painful way. The second shot fired, and missed the next guy, but his camo flickered off as well, and he aimed a shot at me with his assault rifle. It missed me by a good three feet. The third shot fired towards the group of earth stallions, and they scattered.

I used VATS once more, this time to get a look at the area. Six of the stallions had already flickered into sight, but my eyes wandered over to the unicorns, and the two mares in the back of the group made Night Shade look like Pamela Anderson in the 90’s. Their coat was matted and missing patches of hair, while their manes where spiked. Their eyes where crimson from what I could tell, and what teeth they had where sharpened to uncomfortable points. Instead of having their coat’s dyed black or dark blue, they looked like they had bathed in a weird brick red paint.

The big guy, the ugly Earth Pony, was a lot more muscular than I thought he was at first. His left eye was missing. I don’t mean “oh, he wore an eye patch” though. His eye socket was healed, and it had some kind of tattoo INSIDE the socket, making it look like he had a demonic eye forever staring out. I think that I’m going to try and make him less of a problem.

I aimed at his legs with the VATS, and activated it.

One shot hit his knee, and he was now charging straight at me. His eye, his one good eye, wanted to trample me to the ground.

I brought my arms up to protect my head and chest as I curled up, and then I felt it. A hot burst of energy slammed into my forearms, and slammed me backwards. The big guy stopped as I fell. He was afraid.

I can’t blame him.

I looked down at my arms. I wish I didn’t.

My skin was burnt. Not third degree, thank you, Lord, but it hurt. My hair was burnt off, and the impact was already blistering up. I tried to sit up, but as I did, I felt someone appear next to me and slam their hoof onto my chest. I smelt iron and rot.

I looked up and saw the source of my assault. One of the Night Mares smirked as I realized what they had covered themselves in. I realized then that I did, in fact, use the bathroom while inside the Lab, because I felt like if I hadn’t, my pants would have been unwearable at that moment.

She leaned down, her grave-breath keeping me pinned to the ground as she laughed.“Booooooys…. We’ve got ourselves a prize!”

//////////////////////////////

We ran. Fast and hard. I continued to hear the hoof steps behind me. We came over the rim and I hazarded a look.

Dumbass was there.

I couldn’t help myself as I smiled, my tears falling down my cheeks as we came closer and closer to the library. At the edge of town, I stopped and sat, still crying as I tried to catch my breath.

Dumbass wasn’t fairing any better.

We looked at each other, angry at each other, at ourselves, and at…

“Where is Jerry?” The Boss’ voice boomed as she walked towards us. She looked at us, her eye shining yellow. I’ve never seen her eye like that before.

“Bad dreams… got drop…” Dumbass started before he started to hack and wheeze.

I had already gotten most of my composure back as I looked at The Boss. “He told us to run. We ran.”

“You should NOT have let him make that kind of decision! He doesn’t have the ability to-“

“He has a Pip Boy now. If he didn’t think he could make it out, he wouldn’t have told us to run!” I explained. He could make it out of there. Those Pip Boys and Pip Bucks don’t just strap themselves onto anypony’s wrist.

“What made you think that just because he has a computer on his wrist that he’s some sort of super soldier all of a sudden?” The Boss’ eye was red, but she kept her stare off of me. Her voice was a harsh whisper, and it cut. Deep.

“I wasn’t the one who ordered him to tag along with me, Ma’am.” There it was. She was the one to blame. She was the one who ordered him to be with me and Dumbass. Everything rested on her.

She knew it.

Why didn’t it make me feel any better?

“Everypony, front and center.” She shouted at the direction of the Library. It didn’t take long for everypony to pile out. Sunburn looked at me and Dumbass, then at The Boss with varying degrees of annoyance. Rip and Tear looked like they were interrupted in the middle of something, and Daisy looked like that something. Ragdoll looked at me and Dumbass, and she looked at the Rim.

“Sunday… is Jerry…”

“He’s alive, Kiddo. We’ll get him-“I began to bring Ragdoll’s fears to rest as I was interrupted.

“We’re heading out. Take what you can, and get ready to move in the hour.”

Dumbass looked up at The Boss, tears in his eyes. “B-boss, you can’t be serious…”

“There are three experienced Night Mares over that rim. The only reason why they left us alone was because they already picked this area clean of resources. It was the reason why we chose to come here in the first place. We might be able to free him from whatever slaver they sell him to, but as things stand now, there is no way we can handle the numbers that I saw two days ago!” The Boss looked us over with her cold application of logic.

“There might only be two Night Mares now, Boss. Plus, the third Night Mare’s boys went with her.” Dumbass told her, a smile on his face as he tried to beg.

“How do you know?”

“W-we came across her and her group! We made them run off when Jerry fired a missile past their head!” He was becoming more and more confident.

The Boss looked at me, her face awash with shocked confusion. I couldn’t help but grin and nod, confirming what happened. “He fired a missile underground, and it managed to snake up a flight of stairs. Boss, he doesn’t have skill, but he’s got some fucking amazing luck.”

The Boss stepped back, her eyes darting back and forth, as though as if she was calculating in her head. A ghost of a grin started to come up, but a quick shake of her head and she was back to her cold, logical frown. “I’m sorry. Things would still not go in our favor. The only way we could make certain is if there was a very large explosion to weaken and confuse the camp during the night.”

I do not consider myself a very religious mare, but when I heard a loud boom echoing and a plume of smoke going into the air, I almost thought that God or the Sisters where just waiting for someone to set up that fucking joke. I looked at The Boss, and she was grinning.

I was more frightened of her now than I have ever been in my life.

////////////////////////////////////////////

I was dragged into the city, most of the buildings where collapsing on themselves, whatever valuables long since stripped from them. I was being pulled by the big guy towards the factory as I heard him complain.

“Why do I have to drag the meat to the hide out?”

“When will I get my shotgun back?”

“Will I get to be laid tonight.”

Complain, complain, and complain. If I wasn’t a hostage/kidnap victim, I’d complain about MY last twenty four hours! Son of a bitch would have a new appreciation for his lot in life.

Oh, sure. You guys might say “How dare you complain. You lived in a good home with plenty of food and running water!”

Oh, yeah, and where is it now? I’m not saying that after a night of being in a semi-dirty bed and being hungry for half a day gives me special rights to hold pitty parties a la Pinkie Pie style, but I WILL say I lost more than this big pile of crap has, and in record time.

And if things go as bad as it seems to be, I’ll…

No, don’t think about it! Damn it, Jerry! Don’t think about that. They’ll get here. They have to! They wouldn’t just let me be… be…

I turned my head and saw a good portion of the Night Stallions off to the side, looking at the bag I had on me. They didn’t open it yet.

Oh, I hope the Night Mares do what I think they will.

The big guy finally got me into the factory. It was dark and dank. Pretty much like any factory in Fallout, except with posters of Princess Celestia and Luna on the walls. I was tossed into what was once a broom closet, with only a bottle of cloudy water and an empty bucket.

“What if I need to do number two?”

“Use the bucket.” The big guy said.

“I hope you plan on feeding me.”

He looked at me with a twisted grin.

Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut?

“You have the bucket, Pink Boy. You won’t go hungry that fast.”

Oh, thank God! I thought I was going to…

….

“Dude! That’s gross!”

The jackass busted out laughing as he slammed the door shut. I made myself comfortable on the floor, the bottle in my hand as I waited. Whatever was going to happen, was going to happen tonight.

I closed my eyes as a loud boom echoed through the building. Shouting and cursing filled the air afterword. And I smiled.

Tonight is going to be fun.

Discord’s head appeared in the corner of my vision as he smiled as well. “You bet it will, fat boy. It’s going to be lots of fun.”

/////////////////////////////////

205 years before…

The night sky was brighter than usual. Discord could feel Luna doing her best to woo a certain stallion she had her eyes on, an astrologist by the name of Astral Storm. It was kind of a bore to him how the neigh-immortal had bent over backwards for the Earth Pony who got his cutie mark on “the other side”, as Discord called it.

He had always wanted to see the other Earth. The desolate wastelands, the constant threat of being ambushed by who knows what kind of beast, and human turmoil always put a small grin to Discord’s face, but he also knew the darker parts of that chaos. Humans did horrible things to one another. Things that Discord found appalling.

And that is saying something.

He found it amazing that they survived as long as they did, and had adapted so readily to Equestria. They yearned for freedom from the darkness, but still wanted to maintain the chaotic spirit they had in the Wastelands, an interesting conundrum. It was probably one reason why he found himself on the hill outside Fluttershy’s cottage, with the butter yellow mare close to him, looking at the sky.

“What’s on your mind, Discord?” Fluttershy asked as she looked up the chaotic spirits profile.

Discord thought for a moment. The small pony, herself a child adopted by a human couple, showed many of the positive aspects of humanity, and fewer of the unpredictable parts of them. What parts of her that where chaotic, however, sustained and intrigued him immensely. A capability of staring down monsters of great strength? The gumption to put everything on the line to keep promises, even if it cost ponies their respect for her? The sacrifices to make him more presentable to others? It was all that he needed to keep himself filed for a good three decades, and who knows what kind of morsels she could whip up between then and now?

That, however, wasn’t what was truly on his mind. “Humans, my sweet Fluttershy, have been nesting in my cerebral cortex for the better part of three centuries.”

He could feel Fluttershy looking up at him, worried. “What do you mean?”

“I doubt that you would have noticed it any, since humanity has been here, in our world for quite the while, but Fluttershy, let me ask you. What do you think of humans? And I do not mean your saintly parents. I mean the entirety of the species.” Discord looked down at Fluttershy, his countenance unnaturally serious.

“They can be… scary at times. I read about caravans from the east and west coast, trying to bring supplies to the NCR and the Brotherhood, only to be attacked by raiders.” Fluttershy talked in a hushed tone, like she was retelling a story from her childhood. “Bu-but they also help each other out! I remember that about… five hundred years ago, a human followed their father out of a vault, and helped him create a fully functioning mass water purifier for the Capital Wastes. Their father died to make sure the Enclave didn’t misuse it.”

Discord remembered those tales. The human that was shrouded in mystery, the savior, or depending on whom you asked, the bane of the Capital, had so many stories pinned to them, than none could be trusted. No one even knew what gender the legendary being was.

A massive crater that was supposed to be the remains of a small town called Megaton could easily have been created by a drunk firing a pistol as it could have been the workings of a mad and/or evil being who armed the defused nuclear bomb. The destruction of a Slaver’s headquarters could have easily been an elaborate hoax by the Enclave or a splinter cell from the NCR than a single individual.

However, Fluttershy believed that this Wanderer was a Godsend those many years back. He was never one to research, so he simply smiled as his lion paw began to pet the cotton candy colored hair of the mare. Let her believe it, he thought to himself.

“I suppose so. So much has happened since they appeared that even I noticed it when I was imprisoned.” He remembered the second to last caretaker of his statue when he was still imprisoned in stone. A yellow skinned human, Discord could never remember the proper terminology that they used to differentiate the types or tribes, whatever they were. He did remember that his name was Jon, and that he would talk to Discord as he worked. It was quite the conversation, despite it being so one sided.

He, happily, cleaned the gardens, paying close attention to Discord’s pedistal. He kept on talking about how Discord reminded him of creatures called Deathclaws, but a rather tame version at that. It was a shame that Jon had long since died (His employ was over fifty years ago, and he had to retire from advanced old age) before he was freed from his stony prison. He truly wished to give him a proper conversation, considering that, despite knowing what he was, that he was still willing to speak with him.

Now, where was he again? Oh, yes. Fluttershy.

“So, what do you think would happen if, even indirectly, humans became responsible for a war here?” Discord twisted his body to his side, looking down at Fluttershy who, still, kept close to his body. A rather peculiar action, to say the least, but he decided to focus on that later.

“I-I think that it would be like… what happened with y-you, Discord. The humans here aren’t the same as the ones in the Wasteland, but they fought just as hard to make a living here. They had to worry about the Everfree Forest and Pure-bloods trying to run them out of towns like Ponyville and Apploosa, and they did it with help.” She looked up at Discord, a smile on her face. “If they are the cause of a war, then they will do what they do best, survive, and I hope that they will do what they can to help us survive.”

She was smiling at him again with a slight blush on her cheeks as he looked at her. His claw came over her forehead. “Huh… no fever…”

Fluttershy blushed harder. “Wh-what? What k-kind of fever are you looking for?”

Discord’s long, serpentine body slid up in a single fluid motion, bringing him to his feet as he manifested a pair of sunglasses and a cowbell. “A fevah foah –“

He peered dramatically at Fluttershy. “Moah Cowbell.”

She smirked at Discord, rolling her eyes as she got back to her hooves. “One of these days, I’m actually going to understand what your talking about, and even Pinkie is going to think I’m crazy.”

“Not as bad as she is. She’s got seventy percent of the jokes I do, considering that most mad mares only get about twenty percent, that’s pretty bad.” Discord chuckled as he walked Fluttershy to her cottage. “Oh… uh… also, I am going to be gone for about a month…”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s for some sort of… com-pooter deal in Camelot. I’m surprised Twilight didn’t mention it…” Discord explained away.

“I… see… Twilight has been busy with certain projects. I don’t know any specifics, just that… it’s pretty important.” Fluttershy’s shock had worn off, and was replaced with a crestfallen look on her face.

“Hey, now…” Discord hugged the Pegasus tightly. “No need to worry. If I don’t like what is going on, I’ll leave.”

“Wh-what? But what about…”

“Fluttershy, Princess or not, Twilight is going to have to realize that I am not a subject to her… frankly, I’m subject to nopony. I am a free spirit, as some humans say.” Discord could see that it wasn’t cheering up Fluttershy. “… but I won’t just bail on a friend, either. I just hope that she remembers that I AM a friend.”

“I know, Discord. It just takes a while for that kind of sting to go away.”

Discord winched as he thought of his betrayal, and Tierek’s bargain. Many people and ponies know of him helping Tierek about a year and a half before, but only a hoofful know the reasoning.

While being a creature of chaos and mischief, Discord knew where to draw the line. He never put anyone in bodily danger (financial is another story altogether), save for those who would attack him. When Discord hunted down Tierek, he had found the small, pathetic creature attacking a lone, human child, sapping the life essence from him. Discord would have killed the weakened creature then and there, but with no knowledge of how to put the essence back into the child, he had come to an agreement. Discord would help collect an equal amount of magic (A far less lethal idea than essence) so that Tierek could replace the child’s life essence back to his body.

What he didn’t think of was the sudden high he got from sowing chaos. It didn’t take long before he believed he had simply betrayed his friends to feel complete. It wasn’t till he, himself was betrayed by Tierek that he realized the mistake he had made. And he knew that his choice shifted the blame for the child’s eventual death squarely onto him.

He shook his head clear of such thoughts, and opened the door for Fluttershy. “I’ll see you in a month, Fluttershy.” A small smile crept onto his face as the yellow pegasus entered her cottage.

“Goodnight, Discord. And good luck.” She yawned as Discord closed the door. He walked away from the cottage, not wanting to look back. A sudden golden flash from behind a bush betrayed the enterence of a messenger, a unicorn stallion with ash-gray coat and a golden horn, as he tripped towards the spirit of chaos.

“Damn… the teleport spell needs to be fixed a bit more…” He stood up and looked at Discord. “Huh… the boss was right. You DO look like a Deathclaw mated with a Chimera.”

“I suppose your my guide to the labs?” Discord asked sardonically. “What luck. I hope you at least know how to-“ Before Discord could finish, he and the stallion vanished with a strange pop.

Discord could feel his magical energies being disrupted. He thought, at first, that the cause was the stallion messing up such a rudimentary teleportation spell, but as he opened his eyes, he saw that he was standing in the center of a green, crystalline magically dampened containment area. He saw humans and ponies walking about in lab coats and recording readouts from several machines attached to his crystal.

A familiar purple Alicorn walked to his cell, a look of worry on her face.

“So… did you tell her about the Trinity Accord?”

Discord shook his head. “I told her I was here for some computer thing. I suppose that’s half right, isn’t it?”

Twilight smiled. “Half truths are better than full lies, I suppose. You know that this is going to hurt. A lot.”

“I need to do this, Twilight.” Discord sighed as he sat on the “floor” of the container.

“I need to ask you this again, Discord. This isn’t something we can let you back away from once we start. If the worst case scenario happens, you will have to make a sacrifice. Your body will die. And you will be in pain while it happens.”

Discord closed his eyes. He knew what was being asked of him. He knew that this project will help people and ponies alike. The question, that he hoped to get answered from Fluttershy, was IF he could do this for both.

He wasn’t happy about this arrangement. However, he knew that this was what he agreed to. He knew that the next time, either himself or someone like Tierek could appear, and cause untold amounts of damage to the ponies… no, to the people of this land. He couldn’t allow himself to be a monster again.

For Jon, for that child, and for Fluttershy he had to do this.

“I know. But let’s focus on this first month, alright Princess? Oh, and while I may be stuck in this… prison, could I at least have a pillow? I’d like the option to sleep.”

Twilight nodded and ordered a scientist to get the requested item. The Spirit of Chaos smiled as he hugged the pillow to him. “What a way to start a month of Hell.” He mused to himself as he began to doze, dreaming of dancing buffalo and stilt legged rabbits… or as he fondly called it “Home coming.”