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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Very very nice, I was hoping that this wasn't dead and I'm sure glad it isn't! The revelation that the religion her entire life was built around was false hitting Candy was well done, maybe a bit dramatic but I guess it was the only she had left from her home and parents. Keep up the good work, and I hope the next chapter is just as good!
6168367 Well that's embarrassing. Thanks for letting me know, I went back and fixed it.
I was all set to blame it on the importation process and its wacky antics, but that little slip up was in the Gdocs file too. Now I'm just trying to figure out how "Notha" evaded spellcheck, lol.
6167329 It's way too easy for me to forget that other people might think this story has fallen victim to "FoE Sidefic Hiatus Syndrome" and stopped updating. I actually work on Sisters every day, so from my perspective the story is always updating.
Hmm... Maybe I should start using that blog button more often to help keep people up to date.
Thanks for the comments, folks! I'm glad to hear you liked the chapter! Chapter 8 is already outlined and being written. Got about 10k done so far, so hopefully you'll be hearing back from me before too long.
Wow.
"I didn't think you'd take it this hard" - yeah, preach on Lily.
I don't know how I can have a favourite character if we've only heard her talk twice, but Psyker is pure gold. Big fan of the way she's going around Katamari Damaci-ing the powers of the other raider leaders. Not sure how Bright Eyes figures into "saving a lot of lives", or why she doesn't just kill Candy et al on the spot (that was Bright Eyes at the end, right?) but this fic is up there with Anywhere But Here for me. And active, at that. Very excited.
Back from a very long vacation and there was a present waiting for me. Yay for new chapter! Seriously though, well done. Candy's reaction was a tad overly dramatic for my personal tastes but I've never had the foundations of my world and beliefs struck down in a single stroke, so what do I know. It does have me wistfully craving to see how this revelation shapes her principles and sense of morals in the coming chapters.
6370258 First off, thanks for the feedback, I'm very grateful for it. I am a little confused, though. You said that there was a problem with purple prose, but then you seemed to focus on the extravagant vocabulary? Either one could be an issue, for certain, but I was trying to pinpoint which one you felt was a greater detriment.
As far as Purple Prose is concerned, I'll admit that I tend to write Candy a little dramatically. The metaphors flow like water (heh), especially when she's in a lot of distress. I've noticed a few purple patches here and there (particularly in chapters 3, 6, and 7) but I didn't know if it was bothering folks until now. I'll be sure to keep this in mind when I'm writing future stuff.
And regarding the vocabulary, I was a little worried about it but no one ever told me if it was a problem or not. I certainly wasn't trying to make myself sound ostentatious or arrogant, but this is a first-person fic. Everything gets filtered through, and colored by, the main character. I was hoping to communicate multiple aspects of Candy's personality through her word choice, and I believe you've touched on one of her flaws that I was hoping to make clear.
At any rate, I'll see if I can tone it down a bit. I think that we've probably established the character trait I was trying to convey with the vocabulary. There's no need to make the readers uncomfortable. Though to be perfectly honest the only times I can remember purposely ramping up the vocabulary to crazy levels were all for a bit of medical jargon or comedic effect. Take the "Sesquipedalian" joke I made while leaning on the fourth wall in chapter 4, for example.
I've been told the general rule to follow is to try and avoid a vocabulary that would challenge a 9th grader, as that is about what most people use in everyday conversation. "No $10 words," as I've heard. This becomes a problem when the story gets filtered through Candy, but I'll see what I can manage in future chapters. I've been trying to move the more egregious examples of excessively erudite elocution (sorry, lol, I'll stop) into her dialogue while simplifying the narration, but it remains to be seen if that is enough of a fix or not. It might help if I knew of some specific points where this was a problem. Are there any particular offenders that stood out to you?
Constructive criticism is hard to come by, and I'm more than happy to receive all of it that I can. I'm hoping to hear from you again!
6370686 After I posted that comment, I worried that it would be too harsh or hurtful since I basically only pointed out something wrong and then made fun of it. :c I'm glad it wasn't that bad.
I'm going to respond in PM, because my comment ended up being huge. Expect that in about 15 seconds.
6376457 Ha! No biggy! I like to hear all opinions on the story. I'm well aware that everyone has the opportunity for improvement. I'm certainly no exception to that rule.
Hearing constructive criticism is always welcome, and you'll get no complaints from me for offering free advice! lol.
Alright, to read 700k words in 2 weeks, whew. Pre-reading is fun
Starting with this story ^_^
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Glad you folks are liking the story so far! Most of my spare time is going into writing right now, so I'm hoping to get the next chapter out pretty soon.
Just saw this tonight on EqD and I'm interested but holy crap that chapter length. That's some long reading sessions just for one chapter.
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You're certainly right about that! These chapters take a while to read, (and even longer to write!) and to do so all in one sitting would be a daunting task. What I like to suggest is that people treat this story much like they would Murky Number Seven, and regard each chapter almost like its own story within a longer continuity.
Typically I recommend that anyone reading a chapter of Sisters do so in sessions. The lines of asterisks between paragraphs are there for just that reason. They mark the good places to stop and take a break.
I hope that helps! And I hope you enjoy the story!
Wow, some grade A crisis of Faith there. Now I'm really curious to see how this will affect Candy and Nohta's character development from now on. And God are these recordings that can see the future so damn intriguing! I might have an idea of what that's about given the clues in the story, but I'm really looking forward to see how that plays out. The high point of this chapter was, without a doubt, Lilly's interactions with Candy. Since she joined the party, the story just became a lot better, and I love how she has the "Wild Wasteland" perk. Can't wait to see how THAT affects the story.
Anyway, you're doing great work here. I cannot quell my excitement for the next chapter!
*Sees the amounts of time between each chapter* ........ Oh noooooo.....
6499327 Personally long chapters like these are the type I enjoy the most. And maybe I'm just an avid reader, but I just binge read as much of it as I can in one sitting. If I pause I just keep wondering about what comes next. >.>
This reminds me of something I heard in a comedic video game once. "In the event of falling objects, please protect your hard hats!"
Very long chapters in this story. Takes me a few days to get through one.
I didn't even think of that when Necromancy was mentioned! Necromancy is also a key part of Balefire Bombs, this world's equivlent of a Nuke. She's an explosives expert, and as I mentioned before alchemy is used to make bombs.
Ooooohohohohoo! So many raiders are gonna die. I can only imagine what it's like to be able to point at a massive, smoking crater and say "I did that."
6717041 I'm really glad you're liking the story! I know that I said in one of my blogs that we'd get the next chapter out a while back, but well... to make a long story short, Fallout 4 kinda got in the way of that.
We are very close, though. The entire chapter has been written, and at the moment we're just giving it a thorough scrubbing so that it will be up to snuff when we push it out. I won't give a deadline, because I've learned that I'm awful at judging that sort of thing, but I can say that it's coming very soon.
And I totally get what you're talking about with all the Radaway you acquire over the course of the game. Even playing on Survival, I think I've got hundreds of every chem just laying around, useless. It'd be nice if we could donate our extra stuff to someone like we could in New Vegas, but so far I haven't run into anyone looking for medicine.
Wonder what would make a good present in the wastes? If it was armor or something, you probably wouldn't want to wait until someone's birthday to give them something that would help them live to see their birthday.
And so Candy is shattered. She will build herself back up, but what kind of mare will she be then?
All caught up now.
I was so expecting this moment.
The foreshadowing on their believing in Luna is so well done that I begun to see the problem only during chapter 3 I think, I I thaught She would discover the truth seeing the Luna memory orb by mistake. It seems there is still a lot for them to go through.
What bother me the most is, How does the misterious mare do this thing with the recorders ? Is she related to pikie pie (or maybe Cheese Sandwish, whom heir aren't at all caravaners wink wink.)
Well, I've read the prologue and I'm interested, but I'm also worried as this hasn't updated in so long. Is this fic still "live" at all?
6770814 Yup. New chapter should be out soon. We're in the last stages of the editing process right now. After that it's just a matter of uploading to Fimfic from Gdocs.
6778488 Ah, good to hear. Thank you.