• Published 1st Oct 2014
  • 1,262 Views, 11 Comments

Fallout Equestria: Crimson Sun - Princess Woonas



This story was inspired by Kkat's Fallout: Equestria. This goes through the story of Crimson Starlight and Starbright Ruby, two ponies of Stable L18. Enjoy.

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Chapter 1: Breaking the Chains

Author's Note:

Errors fixed as of 2014-10-2 3:39 PM Western Seaboard Time

Chapter 1: Breaking the Chains

In Stable L18, life was ordinary. Everything was calm. Not a lot happened here.

Crimson, the Stable L18 scientist, was recreating something he saw in a book.

All of sudden Starbright came in to the room, “Crimson!” Crimson turned. A look of annoyance on his face, and said, “What is it Starbright?”

“There is a problem with the orchard lighting!”

Crimson trotted over and sighed. “Again?” after passing the Pegasus he muttered, “ That’s the third time this week.”

Starbright followed Crimson; he was right on his tail.

Crimson noticed his friend following him and asked, “What were you doing when you noticed it was failing?”

Starbright said, “I…um…was trying some tricks.”

Crimson sighed again, “Flying?”

Starbright responded, “I was doing somersaults in the air.” Starbright’s ears lowered to his head in embarrassment.

Crimson arrived at the Orchard Doors, Starbright still following, ears still dropped.

Crimson tilted his head, “This...is…it…” He was unsure of something…”How did you get in? I thought it was locked.”

Starbright’s ears perked up, “I-I-I w-was…” His head turned, looking down a nearby hallway.

Crimson, with an annoyed face, stomped the ground, and Starbright’s head quickly snapped back to look at him, Crimson then said, “Starbright…”

Starbright groaned, looking at the ground, he replied, “Fine...I picked the lock.”

“What did you just say Sir Starbright?” The Overmare was slowly moving over to the two stallions, her dull, orange coat gleaming and her blue eyes filled with anger towards the neon orange pony.

The dark red scientist quickly stated, “He saw something wrong in there!” This made the Overmare avert her gaze to Crimson.

Starbright quickly responded saying, “Yea! I saw that the light was flickering.”

The Overmare turned back to Starbright, her eyes widened, “The light is going out again?!”

Crimson placed a hoof forward, his face filled with determination, “Yes, I was going to fix it…” His head tilted down a little, remembering that he repaired the orchard light last time...and the time before that..., “...again…”

Starbright added, “I went to get him so he could fix it, right?”

The Overmare easily saw through Starbright’s rouse, “Couldn’t you see it through the window?” Starbright lowered his head and ears on that question, proving the Overmare’s suspicion.

“I told him.”

Starbright and the Overmare turned to Crimson, eyes wide, Starbright was at a loss for words while the Overmare was only able to say, “What?”

“You heard me,” Crimson’s head showed only a blank face to the Overmare, trying not to show that he was lying. “I told him to check the bulb when he went to get me.”

The Overmare knew Crimson too well to know when he was lying, but she only sighed and turned around, “I’ll leave you to it, Crimson Starlight.”

Crimson watched as the Overmare left, and once she was out of sight, he took a deep breath, exhales, and unlocked the door with the key he had on him. “Next time, please ask if I could unlock it for you.”

Starbright’s face of embarrassment was soon replaced by a small smile, “Ok.” Crimson levitated the key to the Orchard Door, unlocked it, and the door opened with a mechanical SHINK.

Stable L18, This Stable was given a peculiar name, it was to hold as many books as it could. There were (at least from what the archives tells us) about 30 stables to hold books, but L18 also had a few more things to add to it being a “special” vault, most of the books are from the Canterlot Library, and great minds were placed inside. Luck would be on our side too since somepony had the DNA of a Pegasus, hence why Starbright was one.

The Orchard was huge, almost impossible to be the size it was, there were multiple lights that shined on the apple trees, giving it the light it needed to do photosynthesis, but one of the lights was flickering, showing darkness in the light-filled room.

Crimson looked at the faltering light and then to Starbright, “Can you get a closer look?”

Starbright responded, “Sure!” He spread his wings and flew to the giant light bulb, “I spy with my little eye…” Crimson face-hooved at Starbright’s examination, “I see that the bulb shattered.”

“Shattered?” Crimson sighed at his friend’s poor grammar and walked over to where his friend was, only about 50 feet below. When he was right below the bulb, he noticed that, there was glass all over the place, and instead of the light only flickering, sparks were also flying. “That’s new…”

Starbright looked at the bulb dumbstruck, “What’s new?”

Crimson was getting more annoyed at his friend, “Didn’t you say that it ‘shattered’? ‘Cause that didn’t happen last time, remember?”

Starbright, even more confused now, said sarcastically, “Aren’t you supposed to be the smart one?”

Crimson started to walk away, speaking quite loudly, “This is no mechanical error.” He soon left with Starbright swooping down after him.

“What do you mean ‘this isn’t a mechanical error’?” Starbright said, looking even more confused than before.

“What I’m saying is-” He was quickly cut off by the noise of hooves hitting the ground, rapidly getting louder as a stallion donned in Stable L18 guard armor was galloping towards to them.

Starbright noticed that it was guard galloping towards them, “What is it Snap?”

The dark brown Earth pony was panting, trying to catch his breath, after a few seconds of heavy breathing, he said, “Starbright, Crimson, the Stable door…” Crimson’s eyes grew wide, understanding what he meant; He quickly darted over to the Stable doors, only to see that it was wide open.

Starbright and the guard “Snap” caught up to Crimson, Starbright noticed what happened and said, “How did this happen?! It’s supposed to be protected by a secret code!”

Crimson was at a loss for words, the Overmare, however, was trotting over to the 3 ponies, a grim look on her face, “Somepony thought that it would be ‘funny’ if they were to leave the Stable, we should close this immediately.”

“Why?” Crimson’s mind was working overtime; his curiosity got the better of him. “Why should we close it, if somepony were to leave, can’t we do the same?”

Starbright was trying to look past the Stable door, and was only able to see the stalagmites and stalactites of a cave. The Overmare was coldly watching Crimson though, not taking a liking to his words, “Do you know what is out there Crimson?” Crimson shook his head, the Overmare’s eyes became even colder, “A wasteland is out there, you must have read the old history books, there was a war, and everypony tried to get into one of these stables, but only a select few were able to gain access.”

Starbright stopped looking outside when the Overmare mentioned about the war. Crimson thought for a second, and then said, “What if it changed, or maybe its habitable now? It has been a couple Centuries.”

Starbright was lost in thought for a moment, when he was brought back to reality he asked the Overmare, “Why was there a war?”

The Overmare sighed, “Its...better if you didn’t know.” She then trotted over to the lever that controlled the door and pushed it back to its original state, making the Stable door slowly close in front of them. Snap, who was just watching this all happen, quickly left when the Overmare nodded to him, a sign to say that “all is clear”.

Starbright looked at the Overmare and asked, “Do you know who left the Stable?”

The Overmare shook her head, “I will have a Stable meeting to see who left, until then…” she turned to Crimson, “I would like for you to repair the bulb now.”

Crimson sighed as he remembered the status of the orchard light, “It’s shattered, unless we have an extra…”

“At least pick up the glass and remove the destroyed bulb.” The Overmare was crossed, not wanting to hear excuses right now.

“Let’s go Crimson…” Starbright said. Crimson, crossed with the Overmare’s attitude, left with Starbright, walking back to the Orchard.

** ** **

A few days have passed since the opening of the Stable door, and nothing really happened, only the removal of the orchard light, Crimson was in his room, pondering on what could be out there, outside Stable L18.

Starbright walked into Crimson’s room, finally finding him, and said, “Hey Crimson! Whatcha’ doin’?”

Crimson didn’t answer; he was focused on his thoughts of the outside world. Starbright nudged Crimson, trying to get his attention, he didn’t respond.

“Hey, I’m talking to you! Is something wrong?” Starbright looked at Crimson, frowning at his friend; he then tried many different ways to get his attention, from yelling at him to constantly poking him with his hooves.

Starbright sighed, “Just answer me please…” Still no response.

Starbright finally gave up, and was about to leave when Crimson finally said something, “I’m leaving.” Starbright turned around, not exactly understanding at first, but catching on in a few moments.

“You’re leaving the Stable?! Didn’t you hear what the Overmare said?”

“I know, but I can’t help it.” Crimson got up from his bed, levitating his bag up from the corner, he began to start packing.

“Why are you leaving? It’s kinda dangerous out there!” Starbright responded in a worried tone.

Crimson stopped packing; he turned over to Starbright, and grinned, “You don’t know that, I’m going to find out though.”

“Well…” Starbright sighed hanging his head in defeat. Crimson’s grin grew wider, and he continued to pack.



After Crimson finished packing, he placed the bags on him, then turned to leave, only saying one word to Starbright, “Move.”

“Nuh-uh, I’m going with you.” Crimson was surprised to hear that from his friend.

** ** **

A few minutes passed, Starbright prepared for the worst, grabbing his 9mm Pistol with his mouth. “We have to get the access code from the Overmare’s terminal, but I need the door to be unlocked, I don’t have the key to it.”

Starbright looked down, disappointed, “Dangit…”

Crimson responded by saying, “Can’t you pick locks? You picked the orchard’s lock remember?”

Starbright’s ears perked up, “Oh yeah!” Crimson face hoofed when his friend forgot that his was good in the skill we needed.

Once at the door, the Pegasus started picking at the lock, but the mind of Crimson had a wrench in it, “How...are you able to do that?”

Starbright stopped, looked back at Crimson, smiled and said, “I have no idea.”

A few minutes passed and the lock was no more, the Overmare’s office felt out of place. Instead of industrial-grey walls, they were a bright pink, the room was a mess, and the windows were closed so that no-pony could see the destruction. Over by the door that lead to the Stable door lay a terminal, somehow apart from the clutter, nearby that was a gun cabinet.

Crimson carefully hurried over to the terminal, while Starbright flew over the mess to take a crack at the cabinet. Crimson checked the terminal, locked. He sighed and thought he should have seen this coming, but the lock wasn’t that hard since he worked with computers for a “living”. The code was “Overmare”, he face hoofed at the code.

Starbright, however, was pulling out as many stops he had to open the gun cabinet, it was a lot harder than the door to the office, but eventually, he unlocked it to only find an odd blocky pistol, and a few batteries. Starbright frowned at the find, “Hey Crimson, you want this?”

Crimson finished up what he was doing on the terminal by copying the code down “L18CIP”, he then, carefully, trotted over to Starbright a turned his gaze upon the blocky thing. Pulling it out with levitation, he said, “It’s a gun.”

“I can see that.”

Crimson started to cast a spell, he learned this spell some time ago, and it never failed him on technology, the pistol was enveloped with a brighter color of dark red (ironic, huh?), and the gun told him his secrets as if it actually had a voice. ‘Magic Energy Pistol; Needs Energy Cells; Pristine Condition.’ When the magic faded, Crimson felt lightheaded, such is the cost to scan an item. He pocketed the Pistol and whatever ammo was inside the cabinet (Energy Cells).
Right when Crimson and Starbright were getting ready to leave the Overmare’s office, a few guards came in, “What are you two doing in here?” Both Crimson and Starbright turned the heads and saw three stallions blocking the entrance to the office.

“Uh…” Crimson knew he didn’t want to get into combat to he darted straight for the door to the Stable door, only to have an earth pony tackle him, “Buck!” Starbright bucked the guard of Crimson and helped him up to his hooves, “Thanks…”

The Overmare entered the office from the guarded door, a look of disappointment on her face, “What in Celestia are you doing?” Crimson and Starbright were right next to the other door, about to open it.

“I’m…” Crimson thought only for a second as he grinned at what he was going to say, “...getting some fresh air.” He slammed the button to the door with his hind leg, making the door open with the same mechanical SHINK, and darted to the control panel, Starbright right behind him and the Overmare in hot pursuit.

Crimson was halfway through the code when the Overmare said something that made him stop in his tracks, “If you leave here, what will happen to the technology here? You won’t be able to come back Crimson, and the other Scientists cannot work on fixing the errors in the technology!”

Crimson finished the code, but stopped when he was about to pull the lever. ‘Should I be doing this? Can they really survive without me? What if another light goes out, can they fix it?’ These thoughts were racing through his mind, he turned to Starbright, worry on his face. Starbright knew what Crimson thought, and nodded, reassuring him that all will be ok. Crimson’s confidence skyrocketed at Starbright’s ‘response’, “Screw it!” Crimson pulled the lever with his magic.

The door opened inwards, whoever made this luckily thought about the cave having stalagmites and stalactites in the future, even though the door was near indestructible. Opening slowly, the Overmare stepped back, watching the two stallions leave.

“That was-” Starbright was cut off by the closing of Stable L18’s door, blocking the only way back to their home, there was no turning back now…
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Level Up: You are Level 2! Congrats Crimson Starlight!
Confirmed Bachelor: You deal 10% more damage and have ‘special dialogue’ with Stallions.
Magic Perk* Scan: This spell “scans” one item, unfortunately, you have to hold the item to cast it. +5 Repair and Science.
Companion Perk: Pegasus’ Eye: When Starbright is around; you find 10% more ammunition! Yay!~

*Magic Perk: Perks that allow the use of a certain spell; See Implants (Fallout: New Vegas) to see how many you can have, but replace EN with IN.

Comments ( 11 )

Hello, welcome to the awesome world of Fallout Equestria and Fallout Equestria byproducts.
Shortly after you've read those lines, our welcome-specialist will give you the traditional FoE-herd-joining initiation. Just make sure you've got sturdy shoes and a good amount of bug-spray with you. Oops, probably said too much...

Anyway, to the things more interesting to you: your story.
I would recommend:
- removing the semi-colon from your title. Semi-cola are always awkward to look at. Make it either "Fallout Equestria: Crimson Sun" or "Fallout Equestria - Crimson Sun" or "Fallout: Equestria - Crimson Sun". Whatever you do, just make sure the semi-colon disappears from the name.

- Add a bit more description to your description. I have literally no idea what to expect and that shouldn't be the case.

- Sometimes you press more than one speaker into one paragraph. That shouldn't be. Always make several paragraphs for several speakers.

- sometimes you've got ()s in your narration to indicate comments. a) You shouldn't do those, do dashes instead. A dash is much more awesome b) I think comments like those don't really fit your 3rd person narration, since you as a 3rd person narrator stay outside of the action and that means you've got no personality (in this story), making comments basically impossible.

And now for the actual story:

This Stable was given a peculiar name, it was to hold as many books as it could. There were (at least from what the archives tells us) about 30 total,

I'm pretty sure I've got more than 30 books on my shelf alone. For a stable dedicated to books, it should be some more. After all, if everything goes wrong ponies were supposed to live their lives in the Stable and with only 30 books for about 300 - 500 ponies, things would become pretty boring pretty quickly.

I would recommend highlighting the perks' names in your level-up part; like this:

Level Up: You are Level 2! Congrats Crimson Starlight!
Confirmed Bachelor: You deal 10% more damage and have ‘special dialogue’ with Stallions.
Magic Perk* Scan: This spell “scans” one item, unfortunately, you have to hold the item to cast it. +5 Repair and Science.
Companion Perk: Pegasus’ Eye: When Starbright is around; you find 10% more ammunition! Yay!~
*Magic Perk: Perks that allow the use of a certain spell; See Implants (Fallout: New Vegas) to see how many you can have, but replace EN with IN.

All in all, this story isn't badly written, but the major problem I see is, that everything is happening too fast. Just slow down a bit and elaborate, then everything will turn out alright.:twilightsmile:

Got my follow. Moves a bit fast but overall good grammer and trust me its rare so keep ot up

5084516 Hi, I just made an account, and i'm the co-writer of this story.
I just want to say that I WILL fix these problems, like the "30 books" was supposed to be "30 Stables that hold books". I will bold the Perks now, and it will get more descriptive. This kinda is my first time writing a fanfic, but I would like some criticism. Thank You! :twilightsmile:

P.S. Some dash is a good idea... :rainbowkiss:

"stable L18"
I highly unlike this damage to fallout and FoE lore the vaults and stables never had letter designations for any of them

Hey Guys! I see that the majority of the comments (i know there is only 4) are about fixing the things in the story. As JacobDracon said, we will get to fixing them but we both go to something called...I don't know if you have EVER heard of it..."School". Meaning..WE WILL GET TO IT WHEN WE GET TO IT. Bai :scootangel:

We are starting on chapter 2 peoples! :pinkiehappy:

5086666 I wanted to make a new vault, but special, except "Library Stable 18" didn't work that much...

5088470

I stand by my original statement the nether the vaults or stables have letter designation

Hello. It's Woonas here. Sorry we haven't updated this story in a while, but i haven't been able to contact my co-author. I will again update when he responds. The good news is that I am VERY close to regaining contact with him.

Hello. It's Woonas. My co-author and I have gotten back and are brainstorming right now. We have decided that we are going to reimagine the first chapter. It's too early to determine what we will change in the chapter, but we will know soon. For now, I sign out. :scootangel:

Unfortunately, we lost most of chapter 2 and our characters stats. So, we have decided to rewrite the first chapter. So we have scrapped the first chapter.

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