Asbrony

i see what you did there

5027168

Heh ... hehe ... HEHE ... HEHEHEHE ... HAHAHAHAHA ... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Also, what'd ya think about this Chapter? Was it scary? Unsettling? Creepy? This was my first attempt at writing horror, and I tried writing about things that scared *me*, so I'm not sure if it scared other people too.

I really hope Candy Cane is still alive.

Well that was creepy
And intense. Jeez, stupid cliffhangers :P

5028479

This was my first attempt at 'horror'. For about a week and a half, I read guides, horror short stories, and short stories by Lovecraft and Poe, that's why it took me so long to write this Chapter.

Could you please elaborate on what you meant by ... 'creepy'? Was it scary? I mean, when I was writing it certain scenes (such as the Smile song/blast shadow scene, and the tunnel scene, specifically) I'd get shivers down my spine which would make look over my shoulder every other minute. The guides all told me to write about things that scare me, so I'm not sure if it had the same effect on readers.

5028475

DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN.

Also, I'm just curious. Was this Chapter unsettling or scary to you? This was my first time writing horror, so I spent a week and a half reading horror and horror writing guides. The guides told me to write about things that scare me, so I'm not sure if it scared you.

5028766 Oh, It was down right terrifying. If I was there i'd be shitting myself, but as a reader it wasn't that bad.

5028777

Hehe.

I really hope Candy Cane is still alive.

And you're really fond of Candy Cane, aren't you?

5029347 Well, we did go through several chapters with her, be a waist to throw out all of that only to end up at square 1.

5028390 i think "Curiously scary" would be a better term

5028757 I'm not the best at giving detailed reviews, but I'll give my best shot.
Imagining you're there with Candy Cane, stumbling through that cave in pitch darkness and then suddenly having Cane not actually be there even though it seems that she was talking to you? That's terrifying.

“Red Dawn …” began a voice, close enough to my ear to feel its frigid breath. My trembling breaths became shallow gasps. “Help me ...”

This scene? This sent shivers down my back imagining it.

And once they got out of that cave? I was unnerved from the whole situation and that song. In my opinion it's pretty good so far.

If this seems a bit odd/lacking in detail, keep in mind it's currently 6:03 AM for me and I haven't had any coffee :P

5029561

Mwehuehuehue we shall see in Chapter 12 then.

5029604

Sure! If I wasn't such a baby, I'd be curiously terrified, too.

5029738

This scene? This sent shivers down my back imagining it.
And once they got out of that cave? I was unnerved from the whole situation and that song

Yay, that's what I was aiming for! Thanks for the feedback - and wow, we're from the same timezone

5029816 Guess we're both up pretty early

I'm stumped on the binary, a little help explaining it?

5036334

Binary code is the language of computer scientists and programmers.

Convert that code into text, here.

Dude, that's creepy...

010010010010000001101011011011100110010101110111001000000111010001101000011010010110111001100111011100110010000001100011011011110111010101101100011001000010000001100111011001010111010000100000011000110111001001100101011001010111000001111001001000000110000101101110011001000010000001110011011010000110100101110100001011000010000001100010011101010111010000101110001011100010111000100000010101110110111101110111

5036344 also, I knew what binary was, I just didn't know what it was implying.

5036376

01001001011101000010000001100011011000010110111000100000011011110110111001101100011110010010000001100111011001010111010000100000011101110110111101110010011100110110010100100000001011100010111000101110

5036392

0101001101101000011010010111010000101100001000000110110101100001011011100010000100100000010100110111010001101111011100000010000001110100011010000110000101110100001011000010000001110100011010000110000101110100001000000110101001110101011100110111010000100000011011010110000101101011011001010111001100100000011010010111010000100000011101110110111101110010011100110110010100100001

01001101011010010110011101101000011101000010000001001001001000000110101001110101011100110111010000100000011100110110000101111001001011000010000001110100011010000110000101110100001000000111010001101000011010010111001100100000011101110110100001101111011011000110010100100000011101000110100001101001011011100110011100100000011101110110111101110101011011000110010000100000011011000110111101101111011010110010000001100011011011110110110101110000011011000110010101110100011001010110110001111001001000000110000101101110011001000010000001110101011101000111010001100101011100100110110001111001001000000111001101110100011101010111000001101001011001000010000001110100011011110010000000100111011011100110111101110010011011010110000101101100001001110010000001110000011001010110111101110000011011000110010100101110

5036396

01001001001001110110110001101100001000000110101001110101011100110111010000100000011101000110010101101100011011000010000001111001011011110111010100100000011101000110100001101001011100110011101000100000011101000110100001100101011100100110010100100000011000010111001001100101001000000111011101101111011100100111001101100101001000000111010001101000011010010110111001100111011100110010000001101000011010010110010001101001011011100110011100100000011010010110111000100000011101000110100001100101001000000110010001100001011100100110101101101110011001010111001101110011001000000111010001101000011000010110111000100000011101000110100001100101001000000101000001101100011000010110111001110100011000010111010001101001011011110110111001110011001011000010000001101111011100100010000001110100011010000110010100100000011001110110000101101110011001110111001100100000001011100010111000101110

5036407

01001001001000000111011101101111011101010110110001100100011011100010011101110100001000000111001101100001011110010010000001110111011001010010011101110010011001010010000001100001011000100110111001101111011100100110110101100001011011000010111000100000010101110110010100100111011100100110010100100000011010100111010101110011011101000010000001110100011011110110111100100000011000110110111101101111011011000010000001110100011011110010000001110011011100000110010101100001011010110010000001101001011011100010000001110100011010000110010100100000011011010110111101100100011001010111001001101110001000000110010101101110011001110110110001101001011100110110100000100000011000010110110001110000011010000110000101100010011001010111010000101110

0101010001101111011011110010000001110100011100100111010101100101001011000010000001101101011110010010000001100100011001010110000101110010001000000110110001100001011001000010111000100000010010010010000001110111011011110111010101101100011001000110111000100111011101000010000001100111011001010111010000100000011101000110111101101111001000000110001101101111011011010110011001101111011100100111010001100001011000100110110001100101001000000110000101110010011011110111010101101110011001000010000001110100011010000110010100100000011011100110111101110010011011010110000101101100001000000111000001100101011011110111000001101100011001010010000001110100011010000110111101110101011001110110100000101100001000000111010001101000011001010111100100100000011001000110111101101110001001110111010000100000011101010110111001100100011001010111001001110011011101000110000101101110011001000010000001110101011100110010000001100001011101000010000001100001011011000110110000101110

Should've used hexidecimal.

Also, talk about scary... This is why you tie a rope around eachother.

5037956

I'll have you know rope is a rare commodity in this wasteland!!!

I hope it was indeed scary ... 'twas my first time writing horror, and I was hoping I got it right the first time. Because I can't even stand to look at this Chapter. I'm sick of it. I don't want to edit it again

5038478 Definetly right the first time ...
So glad I wasn't reading it late at night.

If rope is unavailable the use of fabric, wire, chain, or stone is permissible. It's possible to make rope from stone, right?

5038542
0101001001101111011100000110010100100000011001100111001001101111011011010010000001110010011011110110001101101011001000000110100101110011001000000110111001101001011001110110100000101101011010010110110101110000011011110111001101110011011010010110001001101100011001010010110000100000011010010010000001110111011011110111010101101100011001000010000001101110011011110111010000100000011101000111001001111001001000000110100101110100001000000110100101100110001000000100100100100000011000110110111101110101011011000110010000100000011000010111011001101111011010010110010000100000011010010111010000101110

Here, have a translator: http://www.roubaixinteractive.com/PlayGround/Binary_Conversion/Binary_To_Text.asp

There better be a new chapter soon (i fucking hate cliffhangers).

5039627

Shush! I'm working on it as we speak

5038542

If rope is unavailable the use of fabric, wire, chain, or stone is permissible. It's possible to make rope from stone, right?

Possibly. Though I think powder snow, being more abundant, would be a better choice.

Didn't you have a different, much more detailed, coverart earlier? What happened to that picture?

5142620

I changed it because you couldn't really see the whole thing unless you clicked it. This one was also made in the likeness of the Fallout games.

Did you like the other one better?

5143821
Well, the old one looked more like a cover art (although it was pretty full) But this one isn't bad.

5143853

The other one honestly looks like a movie poster instead of a piece of cover art, but that's just my opinion, haha, Thanks, though!

5144850
Isn't that what it should look like?

5166508

Deleted the comment below because he was discussing spoilers that I'd leaked onto the wiki. Spoilers I forgot to redact.

5166566 ...You know, I was just about to edit that comment so it didn't spoil anything. You didn't have to do that.

5194968

Sorry, got impatient. Waited a good five hours and didn't get a response, so I decided I'd delete it. Although it took you an entire week to reply to this ... so I didn't know how 'soon' you were going to edit it.

Anyways, sorry again; I hate deleting comments, but I've been getting a sudden influx of views (as much as 2-3 unique views a day since you posted) lately and I didn't want those new viewers to see any spoilers.

5278022

Thanks for the review! This gives me some work do to with this story right off the bat.

Past tense and Present tense.

Usually in this situation, I like to have italics to separate the narrator from the current character.

I agree that the whole tense thing can be solved if I went back and italicized character thoughts. This was something I actually used to do when I wrote in the third person, but I made the mistake of thinking that the narrator's thoughts were of equal textual level to the story's exposition. I suppose I can change this at some point.

I even have the narrator describing events and then saying he'd remember that for as long as he'd live. I can see how that can break immersion.

Another thing I kind of have an issue with was the ending.

I think the lack of panicking about the water talisman thing was more of a "Hey, we've lived here for two centuries. Despite this, we'll keep living down here" kind of denial than ignorance toward what should be a terrible mechanical disaster for the Stable. The Overmare didn't tell the other ponies about the talisman, so she wouldn't scare them ... but she did obviously tell them later if they were watching the Red and his friends leave the Stable. So I agree, I can make them appear grim and hopeful and not cheerful and happy at the end. It makes more sense, like you implied.

Another thing that probably shouldn’t be a problem, but somehow is, is the length of the chapters.

And I do admit .... my Chapters are gargantuan. I suppose it's because the original Fallout: Equestria's chapters were quite long ... but my older works, even my original stories had chapters that exceeded 5k on the daily basis. I think the reason for this is that I have a theme/objective connected to the epigraph at the beginning of the chapter, and if that theme/objective isn't fulfilled, the Chapter won't end. Much to the detriment of my story's would be readers, sadly.

I actually did the whole Chapter splitting thing - mostly for Chapters that I couldn't finish writing in a single week, not to regulate length. I suppose I can do this for the sole reason of keeping length below 8k for individual updates.

But most people know what they're getting themselves into ... I hope. I mean, most FO:E sidestories are loooooong. Mine is not an exclusion.

Anyways, thanks again. I know this story is long as hell, and I don't want you to kill yourself over reading this just because I ask you. You don't need to read it all; a Chapter or two should be able to construct a good idea on the story's general quality. You have a lot on your plate reviewer wise, and I don't want to make you snowball to a halt trying to review all these stories.

5295572 2spooky4me

They just want to socialize, but they're so misunderstood. Or eat your soul, your guess is no better than mine.

2spooky