• Published 29th Jun 2012
  • 2,634 Views, 396 Comments

Fallout: Equestria - Wasteland Bouquet - Cascadejackal



There's a lot of stories in the Equestrian Wasteland, and they all need to be told.

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Well, That Just Happened

---Well, That Just Happened---

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This is a gag chapter. Not to be taken internally.
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The armored unicorn buck stared at Rose, his still-smoking gun floating beside him and pointed right at us. After a few seconds, a relieved grin split his face.

"I've finally found you, Bourbon Rose."

Rose, her tail still twitching from the morning's wake-up, cocked her head and blinked at him. "I'm not Bourbon. I'm Whiskey."

He frowned. "Are you sure?" His gun was lowered as he withdrew a piece of paper from his armor, holding it up in his magic and looking between it and Rose. "You match the description, and it's really important I deliver this message to the right pony."

Rose blinked again, cocking her head to the other side. "I'm Whiskey. Not Bourbon, Whiskey."

"What message?" I interrupted, waving my hoof for attention. The stallion looked at me, still frowning, so I continued. "I mean, maybe they just got the name wrong."

"Hmmm... might be." He pulled out another piece of paper and cleared his throat. "The message is as follows: We have found what We sought. Abandon thy charade; the Round One knows nothing. Signed, Blue Moon." He paused, looking from the message to Rose. "Does that make any sense?"


Rose stared at him for a second, then sighed. Her ears drooped and she gave me an embarassed smile. "I truly am sorry for this deception, my little pony, but please understand we did so with the best of intentions."

I just stared at her, dumbfounded. "Um, what?"

Ignoring me, she looked to the sky and continued talking as she lit her horn, pulling something wrapped in ropes from the bushes at the side of the road and dropping it in front of me. "I return your sister to you, unharmed." The ropes loosened and... out fell another Rose, naked and completely blotto with an empty whiskey bottle stuck on her horn.

"Gha. Wha? Bwuh?" I looked between the two Roses in disbelief, my brain scrambling to work out what I was looking at. The sober Rose turned her eyes from the clouds to me, still smiling. The passed-out drunk one just lay there and snored.

"Not to worry; she is quite alright. Perhaps hungover, but I did her no harm."

"I- you- she-" I stammered, totally confused. "How- when?!"

Sober Rose started to remove her duster, setting it beside Drunk Rose, still giving me that freaky smile. "Last night, when you all fell asleep. You all drunk quite a lot... I hardly needed the sleeping charm."

"Why?!" I cried out. She just kept smiling, as calm as could be.

"To prevent a disaster, of course. I believed you were the key, although my sister seems to have proven me wrong."

I just burbled, unable to so much as think straight.

"But now..." Sober Rose sighed again. There was a blinding flash, like the fabled Sun itself, and when I could see again...

"Gah... you... I... you... Alicorn?" I managed to squeak out, my legs turning to jelly at the tall, regal creature in front of me. With a smile, she nodded.

"Yes, my little pony. And now, I must return to my kingdom. There is much to do, and so little time... or perhaps, too much time." The former Rose spread her enormous wings to take off, but paused, her smile turning mischevious. "But first..." She leaned in close to whisper in my ear, "let me thank you for that wonderful wake-up this morning." Suddenly her lips were pressed to mine, the shock making me open my mouth to protest, to scream, to do anything... until her tongue forced its way into my mouth. My coat stood on end, my tail curled, my hooves turned weak and I fell to my flank as the most awesome kiss I'd ever had sent waves of burning heat through my body, building to a raging fire under my tail.


She pulled away from me, a strand of spittle hanging between our mouths. Her cheeks were bright pink, her amethyst eyes twinkling as the strand broke and I gasped for breath, looking like a fish out of water.

Her wings beat once, twice, and before my poor brain could catch up, she rose into the air, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own juices. The white-coated, pastel-rainbow maned alicorn soared high towards the clouds, meeting a darker alicorn before vanishing in a burst of light.

"Gwah?"

Dimly, I was aware of Ibis coming up beside me, looking almost as bewildered as I felt. Drunk Rose just snored and giggled in her sleep at my hooves. "Lily, what the fuck just happened?"

Slowly, I turned to look at Ibis, my eye twitching madly as I tried to put it into words. "Ibis, I... I think... I think I went down on Princess Celestia."

Author's Note:

I got writer's block while working on the new chapter. Then this happened.:rainbowlaugh:
I feel so ashamed. :twilightblush:

Proper chapter coming as soon as it's finished! :twilightsmile: