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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The combat scene was good and I did enjoy it, but I was a little lost at points.
I still don't know if when they first started fighting the zebra's where they attacking the camp? Or was it a convoy? I'm not sure.
Either way, great start to a hopefully fantastic story. I expect to see more from this as I continue reading.
Alright, finally got around to reading the first part of this. Gosh, I'm terrible at this sort of thing. The combat was great and I loved the descriptions of the night. You really integrated the landscape into the fight and I enjoyed being constantly reminded that they were in a forest, or jungle. I'm not normally for pre-war Fo:E fics, but the start was good enough to make me interested in reading nothing but pre-war by you from hence forth. However, I'm sure the story isn't actually set in this time frame. What I'm curious about is, what does this team's death have to really do with the fic? It's been established that there was this great war and stuff. You reestablished it here. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing, but it sure was fun to read. I'm going to take reading your fiction at a nice slow and leisured pace, leaving reviews and comments as I go hopefully. I'm Quaver Ava by the way, and you sir have talent. :)
Quaver Ava
Holy shit!
10/10 MOAR. Oh look. MORE.
Hey, your combat was decent, I think everybody agrees on that. I personally come from the school of thought that laser pistols are the silliest and least effective weapons in the wastes, given that in the old games everything had rather high damage reduction values against lasers, and in the new games, you could shoot a guy 32 times in the face with one and he would still be trying to kill you, but even so I can understand having them.
I wanted to talk about garrotes. A lot of things give the impression that they are a strangulation weapon, which is kind of a misnomer. Strangling somebody takes forever and a half, it is really inefficient. A person can last like 4 minutes without air, so that gives a lot of time to fight back. What a garrote does is different. A garrote is often made with a thin but sturdy material, like piano wire. When they are used they are thin enough to exert enough force to cut skin, and they can cut all the way down to the bone. Garrotes kill by cutting arteries in the neck. When the subclavian is cut, it cuts off blood flow to the brain. The brain will die in 8 to 12 seconds, maybe even less. As you can tell, 12 seconds is a lot more effective than 4 minutes, and once a garrote has made the cut, even if they pull it out, they can't do much to stop the bleeding. So when I was reading this, the second I saw the garrote, I knew this guy had to die, but the neck snap just seemed unnecessary.
6260775
You seem to know how a garrote works, but:
-The victim is technically alive even if incapacitated until clinical death. They wouldn't be truly dead in a few seconds. The only way to instantly kill someone is brain trauma. (The most effective area to aim with a gun is the upper torso, as the head is easy to miss.)
-True that a rope is ineffective, as it applies pressure evenly. With a correctly applied chokehold the enemy falls unconscious much faster, giving you a few minutes to kill them or leave. Strangling them to death would take several more minutes.
The combat scene is a bit strange, considering the zebras are supposed to have received some kind of training, yet they make every tactical mistake possible.
Wow! Wasn’t expecting that for a start, but definitely an enjoyable read! Well done! The note about Operation Anchorage makes me wonder if it was all a training simulator or not however, kinda hope so cuz dang would it suck to have Nosedive and Tailwind (and also yknow, Snap Roll) Dead that quick.
This prologue was really average in terms of storytelling quality. We get a nice, brief description on the appearance of the narrator's companions (that I thought was nice), but didn't really show what sort of people they were. And since I didn't know who they were, and knowing that this is (supposedly) taking place during the war; I just did not feel invested in these characters, nor the protag herself.
Not much is revealed on who she is (all that is revealed is that she's a lesbian, she has a sadistic side who enjoys fighting, and was supposed to be a medic?), so I also just could not care about her.
The fight scenes are drawn out and too long for my taste, and added with not having any investment in the characters, I just didn't care what happened. I found myself skimming though all the fights wondering 'where do I get to the important stuff'.
Having no prior knowledge on what the rest of this story is about aside from being about pegasi from the Enclave: I assume this prologue is the classic 'virtual training simulation that the protag participates and fails' trope (I don't know if there's a term for it). It would explain why the story opens with a presumed 'flashback' that doesn't feel important at all. And I expect that I'll actually learn about the protag in the next chapter.
Anyway, that was the feedback I wanted to drop, sorry if I was too harsh there.